#4739 No More Mr. Ice Guy

Summary

TBTL #4739 No More Mr. Ice Guy
June 1, 2026
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

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Episode Overview

In this lively Monday edition of TBTL, Luke Burbank records from Las Vegas—fresh from attending CrimeCon at the Cosmopolitan Hotel—while Andrew Walsh joins from Seattle, with stories of a weekend spent battling massive backyard hedges and wrestling with garbage logistics. The hosts riff on everything from true crime podcast culture, the struggle for hotel room beverage perfection, and the existential stressors hiding behind yard work, to the subtleties of baseball lingo. They also spotlight two dazzling donors, muse on soda hierarchy, recount a failed celebrity doppelgänger moment, and share listeners’ tips for getting out of traffic camera tickets.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Andrew’s Weekend Yardwork Odyssey

[03:17–16:31]

• Andrew obsessively tackles his overgrown yard hedges, turning what he thought would be a multi-day job into an eight-hour, muscle-burning marathon.
• He jokes about filling 10 large yard waste bags—“about the size of a human carcass…I mean torso.”
• Describes the logistical feat of stuffing all 10 bags into his tiny Volkswagen Golf, resulting in what he calls a “godlike” act: creating a tiny weather system (humidity, condensation, “raining” windows) inside the car overnight.
• Memorable moment: Andrew’s immersive description of post-yardwork exhaustion, relaxation by the fire, and the “satisfaction” of slinging yard waste at the dump.

"Do you know what I created in that car, Luke? A weather system. The fact that I had so much living vegetation in there that was then starting to, I guess, decompose...I went in and it was like it was raining in the car." (Andrew, 13:37)

2. Baseball Joys and Petty Terminology Grievances

[17:13–23:12]

• The Seattle Mariners have a successful homestand—Andrew and Luke discuss the thrill of two walk-off wins and their appreciation of baseball.
• Luke complains about the Mariners’ social media using the phrase “calls game” for a walk-off single, explaining that the term is inappropriate for baseball and specific to basketball.
• The conversation spirals into an impassioned explanation of sport jargon and pedantry.

"Calling game is a very cocky move...and that's not what Victor Robles did. He just won the game for us." (Luke, 20:32)

3. Hotel Room Beverage Management & The Ice Debate

[23:12–36:08]

• Luke laments the lack of a useable hotel fridge and details his elaborate system for chilling Diet Dr. Peppers in his Vegas hotel room, debating whether to brave the hallways for ice.
• Andrew confesses his love of “being an ice guy” in hotels—making repeated trips to the ice machine, puttering happily.
• Both expound on the pleasures and perils of hotel living, beverage logistics, and differing travel personalities.

"For me, the ideal is to have everything in the hotel room that I want and need, and then to just basically be ensconced...not have to go out for anything." (Luke, 34:48)
"I'm just, like, always, kind of tidying and puttering. Even, like, I have issues just sitting still." (Andrew, 33:53)

4. Soda Container Hierarchy

[29:16–33:53]

• Luke and Andrew discuss the subtle joy (or disappointment) of sodas in different containers: glass bottles rank highest for Luke, while plastic bottles are a distant third.
• Andrew observes that some sodas (like orange Fanta) might work out of the bottle, prompting a micro-analysis of soda enjoyment.

"Glass bottle top—Mexican glass bottle—is legit...Crisp, refreshing. The classic third place...is plastic bottle." (Luke, 29:36)

5. Dazzling Donor Segment: Listener Appreciation & Song Parody

[37:13–47:41]

• Luke and Andrew thank donors Linder Peacock and Joe Michael Wright.
• Linder shares a parody song: "Bringing Segments Back" (to the tune of “SexyBack”). Luke reads it aloud, with Andrew’s bashful encouragement.
• The hosts riff on nostalgia, “fellow three” acapella groups, and vintage TBTL segments.

“We’re bringing segments back. The business boys have a nostalgia knack. From the Eagles to the Outback...” (Linder, lyrics read by Luke, 46:01)

6. True Crime Podcasting & CrimeCon Observations

[54:55–71:07]

• Luke recounts his weekend at CrimeCon, describing the array of podcast booths, fandom, and the dream of podcast stardom.
• He interviews parents of a murder victim, reflecting on their presence at the event (to support a foundation for investigative resources) and the sometimes-morbid undertones of true crime fandom.
• The hosts debate the cultural ethics of true crime entertainment, with Andrew noting both genuine advocacy and macabre consumption.

"There is a real through line of the people that are very, very, I guess you could say, obsessed with true crime stories: they're not venerating the perpetrators. That is really true." (Luke, 69:22)

7. Mistaken Identity: Not Paul Holes

[65:11–68:09]

• Luke is mistaken for Paul Holes (famous true crime investigator) by a CrimeCon attendee—she asks for a photo, but on learning he’s not Holes, abruptly declines.
• The hosts have fun investigating whether this is a compliment.

"Can I take a picture with you? And I said...who do you think you're taking a picture with? ...She kind of got really quiet. She goes, 'You're not Paul Holes.'" (Luke, 66:31)

8. Listener Feedback: Beating a Camera Ticket

[71:18–82:48]

• Listener Lisa shares her successful strategy to contest a red-light camera ticket—by simply not incriminating herself and letting the judge rule she didn’t match the photo.
• The hosts then read Genevieve’s own earnest letter to the court requesting mitigation for a speeding cam ticket, debating strategies: grovel, deny, or work the legal technicalities.
• Andrew predicts a 40% reduction, Luke cynically worries it's less.

"Just keep your mouth shut. Don't talk to cops." (Andrew, 77:59)
"This is capitalism run amok...I think that the rule of thumb should be 50%...I feel like...in this rapacious, greedy world...maybe even only 30% off." (Luke, 84:19)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I can’t stop, won’t stop on the hedges.” (Andrew, 04:09)
• “Before it becomes a carcass to me, it feels like it’s a body. And then when does it enter carcass?” (Luke, 06:26)
• "I'm not a God, but I have godlike powers. I now know how to create rain." (Andrew, 15:38)
• "Calling game is a very cocky move...that's not what Victor Robles did." (Luke, 20:32)
• "I don’t need to spend tons of time on it, but I am just, like, a natural putterer." (Andrew, 33:53)
• "Glass bottle top...that’s the best, that’s elite. A nice, really cold can...classic third place...is plastic bottle." (Luke, 29:36)
• "I tried to pay my car payment with the lyrics of Like a Surgeon...it did not work." (Luke, 41:39)
• "Can I take a picture with you?...But who do you think you're taking a picture with?' ...She was like, 'You're not Paul Holes.'" (Luke, 66:31)
• “Just keep your mouth shut. Don’t talk to cops.” (Andrew, 77:59)
• "If a citizen is willing to put in the time to say, 'I shouldn't have done this. I'm sorry, I won't do it again,' you should get 50% off for that." (Luke, 84:19)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:17–16:31 — Andrew’s epic hedge trimming and weather system car incident
• 17:13–23:12 — Mariners baseball wins and “calling game” terminology
• 23:12–36:08 — Hotel ice bucket culture & beverage cooling
• 29:16–33:53 — Soda container hierarchy debate
• 37:13–47:41 — Dazzling donors and “Bringing Segments Back” parody
• 54:55–71:07 — CrimeCon, true crime podcasting, ethics, and being mistaken for Paul Holes
• 71:18–82:48 — Listener advice on traffic camera tickets & Genevieve’s approach

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Closing Thoughts

This episode blends classic TBTL: humorous personal trials (yardwork as a metaphor for existential stress), playful banter about life’s minutiae (from baseball semantics to hotel snacking), and insightful commentary on bigger cultural phenomena (the allure—and controversy—of true crime media). Not only do Luke and Andrew riff with their familiar warmth and wit, but they also make space for listeners’ voices, reinforcing the show’s tight-knit, self-aware community spirit.

No mountain too tall… and good luck to all!

Transcript

[Luke Burbank]

Theresa, will you go out on a date with me? No. Okay, then. Wait, Stan? Yeah? I just worry we wouldn't have things to talk about. Will we have things to talk about? I think so. I think we have a lot to talk about. Well, maybe we shouldn't do it. You got it. What will we talk about during the date? Where you're from, Where I'm from, how many brothers and sisters we have. That's like two minutes. I just can't have silence. I can't stand it. Oh, that is bad.

[Andrew Walsh]

TBTL Ask your question. Well, possibly.

[Luke Burbank]

The hell am I doing here? Is that the question? What was the question?

[Andrew Walsh]

Sir, if I told you once, I've told you a thousand times. I love you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. The game tonight is only on Wikipedia.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's on Delta Premium.

[Luke Burbank]

So you gotta book a flight and

[Andrew Walsh]

then you can watch it on the little screen green on the plane, it's on Eric Plus. So you got to go to this guy Eric's house. He won't let you in, but he

[Luke Burbank]

leaves the blinds open so you can

[Andrew Walsh]

watch from the back porch.

[Luke Burbank]

Isn't that for techno geeks with spreadsheet?

[Andrew Walsh]

And I also think it wouldn't hurt

[Luke Burbank]

you to talk to a therapist about

[Andrew Walsh]

your bathroom issues because there's clearly something going on there. Actions speak louder than demonstrations.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's get to some of the action right now. All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Monday edition of TBT all, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Oh, yeah. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host. I'm a professional.

[Andrew Walsh]

Look it up in the book.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from Las Vegas, Nevada. Vegas, baby. Vegas. And the Cosmopolitan Hotel. Looking out on the new construction of where the. I'm going to call them the Oakland A's. And I don't care who gets mad at me. Where the Oakland A's will be playing here on the Las Vegas Strip. Looking out at the Luxor, which is a pretend pyramid and sort of miniature version of the New York skyline at New York, New York. And it's going to be a toasty day here in Las Vegas. I feel warm and I'm levitating. Got the AC pump in here in the hotel room. And we are set, my friends, to bring you episode 4739 in a collector series, Let the fun begin. I've been here this weekend filming some TV stuff at something called CrimeCon. It's literally illegal, where people get together to talk about mysterious deaths and who may have done it. There's a Lot of podcasts, a lot of. So many true crime podcasts with booths looking for new listeners. And then also somebody who mistook me for a true crime, I guess, famous person.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's literally illegal.

[Luke Burbank]

It's literally illegal when I play the wrong drop. This is the drop I was playing in in sort of honor of that event.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know who that is and

[Lisa]

I don't care to find out.

[Luke Burbank]

This person didn't know who I was. I guess they did care to find out. Anyway, we'll talk about that and we'll talk to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. May be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He always comes in on Monday morning with a couple of good stories for us off of his weekend. And I'm going to get all anecdotal on you. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. Apologies in advance if I have a air about me today, almost a pompous air. I found out this weekend that

[Luke Burbank]

I

[Andrew Walsh]

was about to say that, like, I'm a God. I wouldn't say that I am a God. I would say that I have godlike powers. And when you discover Bill Murray, like

[Luke Burbank]

Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. Not God, but a God.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I'm a God. I didn't remember that line. I mean, I think, I don't know. Let me, let me explain. And then we'll, then we'll move this. Then we'll move the conversation over to Lost Wages and hear about all your crime fighting adventures. That's what I call it. It's pretty clever. They got one of them a whole paychecks over in.

[Luke Burbank]

I like to, I like to enter. I like to kind of interchange between Sin City and Lost Wages.

[Andrew Walsh]

She do like Sin City. All right, listen, so I told you, I mentioned very briefly on Friday that if I had any big weekend plans at all, it was to maybe start the what seems like summer long project of trimming back my giant hedges that surround my entire house. Right. And tre.

[Luke Burbank]

They're all around Andrew's house. But who cuts them down?

[Andrew Walsh]

But who cuts them down? Do you want to have a conversation about trees?

[Luke Burbank]

Hold on, I've got some poetry here.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like we haven't covered that. I feel like we didn't flood the zone on that yet. I actually really enjoyed Friday show. I got a note from a listener that said it was one of their favorite shows ever about how, well, how interesting it was and the emotional rollercoaster that it sincerely Was. But anyway, so I. Here's the deal. And I know I go into too much detail about this every year, but, like, I have these huge hedges, they surround the house. There's one chunk in the back that are. It's the. It's the hardest part to do because they're so overgrown and so thick. They're like trees now. And it's not the longest part, but it's the most difficult part. So I have not touched that yet. But for the other part, the part that covers the most ground, if you will, it's a little bit more trimmable, but it covers a big chunk of the yard. I thought on Saturday I'll just maybe start that part of it. And it'll probably take a couple of days or something. Well, on Saturday, the weather finally got nice. Around I'm gonna say noon, and I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna start that. Well, I got obsessed and I ended up trimming back what I thought was gonna be just the beginning of the project. Ended up being basically the entire project. I just did not. I can't stop, won't stop. On the hedges. I wrapped it up probably around 8:30 at night or something like that. And that means trimming them, the top, the sides, making it manageable. But the hardest part, honestly, and the part that takes the longest amount of time, is collecting all of those leaves and shoving them into those brown paper bags, those yard waste bags that everybody knows. And I ended up filling 10 of those things. And you know, when you fill those things up, they're about the size of. And I'm gonna put this in terms that I think you'll understand after your weekend in Vegas, about the size of a human carcass. I would say when you. When you fill one of those brown bags, it's about this. We can get some of your crime experts on this, but I'm gonna say they're like the size of a human carcass. No limbs, of course, but they're big.

[Luke Burbank]

Before it becomes a carcass to me, it feels like it's a body. And then when does it enter Carcass?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you know what? I'm sorry, I'm using the wrong word. I didn't mean carcass. Carcass. Isn't that your favorite line?

[Luke Burbank]

Carcass?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean. I meant. Oh, shoot. What's the word I'm looking for? What do you call the body that doesn't have arms or legs?

[Luke Burbank]

Corpse.

[Andrew Walsh]

Not corpse. It doesn't have to Be. It doesn't have to be dead. It just has to be, you know, torso. Torso. Thank you for getting there.

[Luke Burbank]

Really big torso. You'd be. You feel like that bag would be. I guess it depends on how big the person is.

[Andrew Walsh]

You think that's bigger than a torso or a torso is bigger than the bags?

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's bigger than. Well, I'm going to be honest with you, Andrew. This is something I've given almost no thought to up until this conversation.

[Andrew Walsh]

Start thinking if I was.

[Luke Burbank]

If. If I was eyeballing it, I. I tend to think it's even bigger. It might be one and a half torso, maybe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. So thank you. That. That just. That. That adds even more to my story.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

They're pretty big bags and I fill them and I feel as you know. Now, here's the deal. In the past, I was sort of just load them all in the garage and then like, maybe keep them in there until the day that I would take them to the dump or if I was feeling especially cheap, as I have in some years, just keep them in the garage until free yard waste pickup day comes around. But that's not until November. And I got a. I got a early start on these, so I'm not keeping this. All these bags in my garage. Also, there's literally no room in my garage because it's been taken over by contractors who do two hours of work a day. And which is exactly how you're supposed to attack a project, I hear. So anyway, I have no room for these things. And I'm thinking, oh, what am I going to do? As I'm. And by the end of the day, I am just beat, Luke. I am. I mean, it's just like you're using muscles you don't usually use. I'm up on a ladder. I'm swinging a really long.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I. Can I just check in on this for one minute? Because I may have. Was this all on Friday or are we on Saturday?

[Andrew Walsh]

Saturday. So I had a notion on Friday that I would do it. And then I was like, well, get up, you know, early, take care, like, take Lucy for a walk or whatever and then get going. But the morning was a little bit kind of wet and cloudy, and it just felt like the leaves were just sort of wet. And I was like, ugh, I don't feel like doing this. And then I was like, I was sort of in the mood not to do it. And then the sun came out right around, I don't know, like 11 or 12. And I was like, all right, I'll do it. And I'm glad. I'm glad I did. And I got started, and then, like I said, I kind of got obsessed. And then when I started to realize, ooh, I can get this done in one goddamn day. I can't tell you what a mental kind of block these hedges are for me, because when they start growing, they look really bad, I think. I mean, they look very lush, which is nice. But when they start to get overgrown and you can see them from the street, of course, they surround the house. I start to feel like a bad neighbor. They start growing in. In a way that it takes up more and more of our actual kind of l and the yard, like, where I grill and stuff. And so it starts to feel like that feeling when you knew you needed a haircut, like, a month ago, but you still haven't gotten around to getting it, and you just start to feel worse and worse about it in certain ways. But it's such a big job. And I think I got a start on this later when we first moved in, like, later in the summer, that it just kind of hangs over my head. And so when I'm here, it is. It was like the last day of May or the second to last day of May, and I've already gotten started on these things, and I'm looking and I'm like, whoa, in one day, I can finish the largest part of this. Not the huge ones in the back, but, like a huge chunk of this project that hangs over my head every summer. And you and I have, you know, you, me, and John are working on big plans for our TBT L a thon this summer. I told you I got to do that book event, which is sort of just like this mental thing hanging over my head. I got to read this book in a couple of weeks and sit in front of people and talk about it with the author. Like, these are not things that I am relaxed about, generally speaking. So when I started working on this hedge project and I realized I can get this done in one day if I just pick up the pace. Pick up the pace.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I'm just going. And maybe in a certain way, these hedges are now. Now that I put it this way, maybe these hedges are representing some of the other stressors in my life, right? And so I'm going, and I'm hacking away, and I'm hacking away, but by the time I'm done, I realize, well, the. The. The dump, the transfer station is closed by now. I can't take them all the Dump. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to load my car full of all of these torsos. I mean, bags of yard waste, right? And I'm like, well, there's no way I'm getting 10 of these in my tiny little Volkswagen Golf hatchback, right? But God damn it if I won't try. So first one goes.

[Luke Burbank]

How many will they let you bring on the E line?

[Andrew Walsh]

That's why we'll find out. Listener Brian, get at me. So I put one in the passenger seat, okay? That's about as. That's how you know. It's about the size of a torso. Only one fits in the passenger seat. And then I load three of them on the back seat, and I'm like, no, I can do better than this. So I lay them. I carefully kind of crumple up the tops, and then I lay them like logs in the backseat, and I get six of them in the back seat. Now, if you're counting at home, that's seven of these bags. Now, I've still got the hatchback, and I'm like, I can get two. I can get two more in the back. And so I get two more in the back, and that's nine. And now I'm staring at one last

[Luke Burbank]

bag, and I'm like, that's the burn bag.

[Andrew Walsh]

I gotta get you. And that's too green. It's like, it's all leaves, you know, and they're fresh off the bag.

[Luke Burbank]

The solo stove can't defeat that even if they're burning. I don't think I've ever tried to burn green leaves.

[Andrew Walsh]

It would. It would. I have, like, if. When I was cutting back some of these so that they actually came off with, like, a lot more wood attached to them, I did sort of burn them, and they'll sort of sizzle. But this would just have been. I would have had to get a really big fire going, and then it would just been way too much and smoky and green. I just don't want to be burning green. Leaves would be a mess. So anyway, I'm looking at it, and I'm like, I just. Sometimes. I just won't. Well, rephrase that. Sometimes when it comes to packing up a car or something or even finishing a hedge in a. In a brief period of time, I get into a mode where I won't take no for an answer, right?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm like, yes, you're in this mode. I'm in this mode sometimes myself.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm just like, I will not go to the Dump tomorrow morning and leave this one bag behind. Keep in mind the dump is closed now because it's like 8:30 at night. So I rearrange things in the back and the hatchback part of the car and I kind of lay one of these seats don't go down. They do. That's a good point. That might have saved me more space. Maybe I should have done that. In fact, maybe I could have. I know in the past I've done it that way. Like the seats can fold. Yeah. Now that you say that, that might have saved me more space. But either way, the point is I wrestle that. Yeah. And that'll be bag number 10. And I wrestle it in there and I put the. One of them on the side and then I close the hatchback and it. And I'm like, well, I can sort of just like smoosh this in by using the door of the car. Right. The hatchback. And then I. Because I'm like, it's not like a table leg that can like crash through the window of the, of the hatchback, which is sort of a classic, you've packed your car too tight kind of move. But when I closed the hatchback, it did make sort of a loud kind of crack sound. I still don't know where that, what the sound I heard. I don't know where it was, if it caused any damage to the car. The window itself. Yeah. But something like point is, this car, in the parlance of our time, was at its limit. I mean if somebody had walked by and brushed the car, I think it would have exploded under them, Just under the pressure coming from within. But I'm like, I am feeling so good right now. And I'm like, this is so exciting. It's all in there. And I'm going to wake up and the, the dump opens at 8:30 in the. On Sunday. And so I will wake up and I'll go straight to the dump. And that's pretty much what I did. I got in the car maybe around nine in the morning and here's where the godlike powers come in. Do you know what I created in that car, Luke? A weather system. I created a weather system. The fact that I had so much living vegetation in there that was then starting to I guess decompose the early like off gas, if that's the right word. I know I was off incredibly warm in there. It was wet. I went in and it was like it was raining in the car. I'll wait for it. Maybe we don't have another road, but the windows. It was like it was raining on

[Luke Burbank]

the inside of the car.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's condensation just dripping off the windows and everything. I had a towel in there just because of the. I feel like I have towels with me at all times now because of the Lucy factor. And you just never know what she's going to get into or whatever. Thank God I have like a hand towel there. I'm wiping the windows and everything. It's dripping from not the ceiling, because it's kind of a cloth ceiling, but the condensation on the windows is dripping down from the top of the windshield. Like it's literally raining. Like it did inside the Boeing factory that one time. You ever hear about that story? They created their own weather.

[Luke Burbank]

I remember that. I do remember the Martian with Matt Damon, where I feel like he's trying to do something like that, too. You're kind of.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, you're. You're like engineering an environment with the hydrological cycle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. So, I mean, I guess the thing is I never slowed down for my power out. The power out is I created a weather system and then I took it all to the dump and I cleaned out the inside of my car. It was all very satisfying. But my goodness, this is why I feel like I'm not a God, but I have godlike powers. I now know how to create rain.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Did the car. I mean, I think that seems like a nice smell because they were in there for eight hours or something. Had you left them in there for a week? You're getting into like, you know, the, the. The unpleasant side of decomposition. But, like, was it a nice, earthy, woody smell or was it something where, like, you know, you're going to be smelling it for days and it's unpleasant?

[Andrew Walsh]

It was okay. It was, it was kind of earthy. You know what, though? It was actually, because it was green leaves and like, so fresh, it almost had, like. It just had a very verdant smell to it. I know this is not a word for green, but just had a very fresh green smell to it. I think one. Like, if I left it in there for another 12 hours, you'd start to get more of a rotting smell. But it was just fresh off the tree and I took it to the dump and my God, slinging that, slinging those torsos, Luke, over the chain, you know, you pull in, you back up

[Luke Burbank]

and nothing more satisfying. And slinging torsos, you're throwing them as

[Andrew Walsh]

far as you can to try to get them into the kind of landscape area of the dump. It was so great. It was a great way to both finish my Saturday night and start my Sunday. Oh, and by the way, even though have anything to burn from this particular project, I was so like I skipped lunch. I probably wasn't hydrating well by the time I was and I was in this just absolute fury to get this done on Saturday. By the time I was done, I was like beat in a way that I don't know if I've ever been after yard work before. I was a little bit shaky actually. But I sat in the backyard with Lucy. We started a fire. I burned down our fire pile a little bit, our burn pile a little bit and listen to the Mariners game. Mariners get the wow, what a great.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, by the way, I meant to tell you, baseball is the greatest sport in the world and everything is perfect.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I don't understand why nobody ever, nobody ever remembers how I've been saying all season that this is a complete team that makes no mistakes and has personnel manage perfectly from management is good.

[Luke Burbank]

The gm, every decision that they've made is unassailable. I actually have only one problem with the Mariners organization. It's their social media team. This morning I was on one of the social media channels and they do this thing obviously where after the Mariners, if you don't know, had a really, really great home stand against the or at least I don't know if they're done with it or not. But they won three games in a row against Arizona. They've won, is it now six in a row?

[Andrew Walsh]

They're sweating, they're playing the way we

[Luke Burbank]

hoped they would or thought they would and they're in first place and they're above.500 and they had two walk off wins in the same series. I wasn't really monitoring this at the sort of ground level because I've been here filming TV stuff. So I've just been kind of checking the scores and being very happily, pleasantly surprised. But the Mariner social media will do something where they're just taking all kinds of different little parts of the game and pumping those out as little kind of discreet highlights and moments. And so I guess did last night or yesterday rather. Victor Robles ended the game. Did we go to extra innings again yesterday?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yesterday I had the least eyes on the game because I mean I was watching. I actually he did call it up on my phone a little bit at actual, at my volunteer gig. So we're, we're watching it a little bit on my phone. But I didn't get to see the extra Inning.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, but we did go to. What I'm trying to figure out is if we went to extra inning.

[Andrew Walsh]

We did go to. We did win in the 10th yesterday, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, so it was Victor Robles. Victor Robles basically kind of hit a sort of infield hit that scored the winning run for the game.

[Andrew Walsh]

But.

[Luke Burbank]

But this is the way that the Mariners social media framed it in the thing they blasted out to me. And, Andrew, if you think your friend Luke is petty and gets hung up on the unimportant details of life and sports, just please hold my beer, hold my diet Dr. Pepper. I don't like this. I'm in a pretty nice hotel room here at the Cosmo. But what I don't like about the refrigerator is all it has is alcohol drinks that if you move them, it releases some pressure point, and then you're gonna get charged for it. And a freezer. So I got some Diet doctor Peppers down at the store the other day because I wanted to have some of those in the room, but I can't keep them cold because if I leave them in the freezer, they're gonna explode. So I'm constantly putting Diet doctor Pusher.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, shit. So they do not provide you with a refrigerator as a way of almost forcing your hand to pay for their overpriced stuff in their refrigerator.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know if it's. I mean, listen, I wouldn't put anything past these bastards. But. But. But, yeah, basically, I have to constantly. I'm at all times. I can never really fully rest because I'm going, is there a diet Dr. Pepper in the freezer? Because as we all know, if you've ever left a soda in the freezer, it tends to explode. But anyway, this is so petty, but the Mariners, the way they pumped this out on social media was Victor Robles calls game. And I was like, oh, interesting. Did he, like, call his shot? Did he, like, stand at home plate and point to the. The outfield and then hit a home run or something? And it's like, no, he just got an infield hit and then ran real hard. And then the guy kind of couldn't field it. And then the Mariners won. Calling game is a very specific thing. In fact, calling game is not even baseball related. It's a basketball thing. You say game on a shot. Like you call the game winner and you say game before the ball has gone through. That's why it's called calling game. It's a very cocky move where it's like, I'm. We're Playing one on one. And I pull up, let's say it's we're playing to 21 and it's 19 to 19 and I pull up and I shoot my shot, Andrew. And I say to you, game. And it goes through. Hence the term he got game. Yeah, Game is very basketball associated and it's very much calling. Game is extremely specific to saying this is the game winning shot before you do it. That's what makes it cool. And that's not what Victor Robles did. He just won the game for us.

[Andrew Walsh]

First of all, this is the first time learning that it was actually Victor who drove in that run. That's really good because he's kind of like, now that, you know, some people have sort of heated up and you know, I know that you're a big fan of Connor, Joe, but since we sent him back down to the minors or whatever, like he's kind of the last sort. Am I right about guy?

[Luke Burbank]

We're waiting to come online fully, as it were.

[Andrew Walsh]

Weak link. Yeah. Oh, actually that's not true because we still have ref Schneider. I guess he's still kind of a weak link.

[Luke Burbank]

But anyway, was hitting like 600 for two games.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know, I know, right? Well, he destroys lefties, as I've always said. Anyway, point is, when you were telling that story, when you said Victor Robles calls game, as somebody who doesn't watch basketball, I literally did not know what you were talking about. I wasn't sure if you were misspeaking, if I was mishearing or if it was just a blind spot for me. So, yeah, I find that to be very confusing.

[Luke Burbank]

It's just one of those very minor things that if you're someone who spent as much of their life obsessing over the small and unimportant details of the sort of terminology around sports, it's like calling game. Again, calling game is really not even a baseball thing. I would allow it if somebody called their shot, which is, you know, you stand at home plate and you point like Tom Behringer does. I believe in major league. Except then he bunts. Oh, such a cool move. He's the. Tom Barringer is the over the hill catcher who, you know, he's on two bad knees and. And he doesn't even know what he's doing trying to play major league ball anymore. But then the Cleveland team catches on fire and then he comes up against, I think, his nemesis, this pitcher, and he points to the outfield and everyone's like, this is of course, in the critical game. And Then the pitch comes in and then he actually bunts it, and then he has to run to first. And of course he does it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Quickly, because I know.

[Luke Burbank]

That's all I have to say.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

It's the only negative I could find about the Mariners on this Monday.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that's the social media team. We'll have words with them. Listen, I want to come back to the dietary Dr. Pepper thing because I have a question for you. What is the ice bucket situation? Are you just not willing to get nice?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm just too lazy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. Because that's one. You know me. That's one of my favorite things. Usually for me, it's going to be like an old Milwaukee six pack or something like that. But I love, like, sort of maintaining my ice situation in a hotel room where I get the bucket, I put a couple of beers in the bottom of it, I take the beers in the bucket to the ice machine, I cover it in ice. Sometimes if the ice bucket isn't big enough, you just put them all in the bathroom sink. And then you cover the bathroom sink. You cover them in the sink with ice. The problem with that is it doesn't leave.

[Luke Burbank]

You got a torso in the tub. You got a torso in the sink.

[Andrew Walsh]

The problem is you can't then wash your hands in the sink, which can be a problem. But anyway. Yeah. So you could do that, right? You could put a couple of Dr. Peppers in the ice bucket, let that ice melt. It's gonna stay cold for a long time.

[Luke Burbank]

I could. And in fact, the other week when I was in Chicago at the hotel there, I decided I was gonna become an ice bucket guy, like, for the first time. I mean, listen, in my life, I have gotten ice from the machine, but it's not like my first order of business when I get in the hotel room, I commonly don't even think of it. You and Camaro. Kev love some hotel ice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I don't know that he and I have talked about that.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, you. Listen, I've just. I've just filled out your conversation for the next time you're at the hotel.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no kidding.

[Luke Burbank]

He loves hotel room ice. And by the way, you guys are not wrong. It is one of life's great pleasures. And when I. I remember he and I once went and saw fight a boxing match at like Little Creek Casino or something. And of course, it was a. It was a night that involved a tremendous amount of alcohol consumption and staying up late and being wild and everything. And like, remember getting up in the morning and just Feeling my head was made out of glass and being so dehydrated. And we had all this ice and then put some ice in a glass and then. And filled it with that crummy sink water from the bathroom because we were not in a nice hotel room. But just how satisfying that water was. As opposed to if it would have been room temp.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

From the sink faucet. And I remember in that moment thinking this is the way, in the words of the mandadorian, but then forgetting about over the years. And so last week when I was in Chicago, I had ordered ahead. This is the height of, I don't know what you'd call it, I guess what. Consumerism, Laziness. Conspicuous, conspicuous consumption. But it was kind of sweet actually. So I get in the Uber, I land on maybe Wednesday night in Chicago. I get into the ride share. I'm driving home from the air or to the hotel from the airport with the guy. I'm also very hungry. I hadn't really eaten much that day. They didn't have food on the plane or I didn't like the food on the plane or something. And I have a powerful hankering for a pot belly sandwich. I guess they've got potbelly in most places. Do they have that in Seattle now?

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, if so. Not that I've stumbled across.

[Luke Burbank]

I always have a. So the first time that I had and it's just, you know, it's just one of those sandwich places, but they, you know, they, they toast the sandwiches. It seems a little bit more artisanal and down home than say Subway or something or even Jimmy John's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that what they had in, in outside of APM in Minnesota? Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. That's the only place I've had it. Yeah. That's good.

[Luke Burbank]

I really like their stuff and so I think maybe I was introduced to it in Chicago somehow. It's very Chicago coated for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

It feels Midwestern maybe because I've only had it in Minnesota.

[Luke Burbank]

So I was like, I was like in the car and I was like, here's what I'm doing. I am getting a pot belly sandwich delivered to the hotel and I am going to time this so that it gets to the hotel right before I get there so I can walk in and check in and grab my sandwich

[Andrew Walsh]

and head up to the room founded. And that's exactly 1977 in Chicago.

[Luke Burbank]

There we go.

[Andrew Walsh]

There you go.

[Luke Burbank]

So I, I, I get in the, the lift and I'm, I'm trying to wait because I don't want it to be there. I don't want the sandwich to be sitting there for too long because I don't want someone else to maybe grab it or I don't know it to get cold because it's toasted. But I do not, under any circumstances, want the sandwich to get there after I've checked in because I am so tired. And what I do not want to do is check in, take all my stuff up to the room, then get an alert from DoorDash that the sandwich is here, and then go back down the elevator and get the sandwich. There's something about making two trips or waiting in the lobby for some amount of time. Like I'd rather the sandwich get there before I do, but only barely. And amazingly, right as we roll up to the hotel, the Blackstone Hotel in Chicago, I see a car. And I've been following the guy on the app, so I know that he's getting close. Now he's there. I throw open the door. They had weirdly upgraded me to some, like, big town, like, black SUV thing. I didn't pay for that. It's just like, sometimes that's the only person will pick you up. That's who it is. I jump out of this, like, Chevy Tahoe and I go, is that for Luke? And the guy turns around like, what? How did he know that? And I said, yeah, that's me. And he said, oh, cool. I said, oh, perfect timing. And then the Lyft driver gets out and the sandwich guy is there, and we're all laughing about it. Getting my sandwich. It was a perfect moment.

[Andrew Walsh]

But what? Freeze frame as all of you have your heads thrown back in laughter.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. And our. And we're all in the same economic situation. That's what's so great about this story. It's not one person utilizing the labor of two people who are working very hard and probably have been coming at it from some amount of economic disadvantage or at least less opportunity than me. Andrew. It's not me being ferried around like some duffin prince where meeting his sandwich at the door. That's not what's happening. And the fact you even thought that makes me sick.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I actually think of you as sort of a class hero.

[Luke Burbank]

This is me and John Lennon, a couple of working class heroes. But this is the point. It came with a plastic bottle of Diet Coke. And I know you're not a soda drinker, so this probably won't resonate with you, but to my soda drinkers and

[Andrew Walsh]

the yeah, I drink just to be clear I drink soda. I just. It's kind of like not a daily thing or whatever. Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

But I'm getting into an even. Even more nuanced than my problems with the Mariner saying Victor Robles called game for my heavy soda consumers out there for some reason. Okay, so this is the hierarchy of soda containers and your enjoyment of the soda.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Glass bottle top.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Mexican glass bottle of legit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Comes out with some ice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure. Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And you pour it. I mean it's. It's absolutely. That's. That's the best. That's elite. A nice really cold can right out of the fridge or pulled out of the fridge. The freezer at the Cosmo at the right moment. Crisp, refreshing. The classic third place. And so far back in third place, I can't even tell you is plastic bottle of soda of Diet Coke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I ask you a question? And this. You might not be able to answer this because of our different taste in these kinds of beverages, but does that apply, do you think, to all sodas or specifically kind of a Coke or a Diet Coke or a cola? Because I'll tell you what, sometimes when I am in a 711 or something along those lines, an a.m. p. M. And I see I had to list them both so you could follow the story. If I see like an orange soda or even maybe like a. Some sort of a pineapple, but let's just say orange. It's most accessible in an. In a plastic bottle. That actually looks good to me. And I'd actually rather drink the orange soda out of the plastic bottle than probably a can.

[Luke Burbank]

I actually can. I can weigh in on this from lived experience. When I had some big get together a while ago, maybe when Becca's family was over, I grabbed a whole variety of different. Actually, it wouldn't have been that because. Because they're not soda drinkers. Anyway, all that is to say I've had some plastic bottles of Fanta or orange Fanta in my life and recently, and this is the issue. So what I would say is my experience was diminished even with the Fanta. And that goes for Sprite zero, which I've had in the plastic bottle. The reason is because you open the plastic, you pull it right out of the freezer at a.m. p.m. Or 711 or Plaid Pantry.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can follow. Appreciate that or rally or is an a.m. p.m. Do you know, speaking of camara, Kev, that was like an argument that we would get into when we first moved here because there's an a.m. p.m. Arco near our house it would drive him crazy. When I said I'd go Viv's now be like, yeah, we went to the ARCO to get pick up a six pack. He's like, no, you went to the AM pm.

[Luke Burbank]

I would also call it arco.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, because the receipt says arco. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

I think of it as an ARCO that has, you know, if I. And by the way, sometimes you go to the ARCO and not the a.m. p.m. Well, that's what get gas and you leave. That's going to the arco, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, that. Well, that's what would drive Kevin crazy is I was going quote unquote to the ARCO to get beer or soda and he said, oh, no, that's the a.m. pM dead wrong. Okay, all right. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Deader than those nine torsos in your car.

[Andrew Walsh]

10.

[Luke Burbank]

So, yeah, and congratulations on that. So this is just the longest way to say I had gotten with my pot belly sandwich. It came with a Diet Coke, but it's a plastic bottle. The problem with the plastic bottles, in my experience is you pull them out of the refrigerator or whatever, first sip is fine, maybe you even get a second sip in there and it's okay. But it rapidly loses its cold faster than the other containment devices. And pretty soon you're holding. And there's something that's just clammy about the plast. A warm, now room temperature, partially consumed plastic bottle of fill in the blank of your soda. It's so unsatisfying to me. And so that's what I had from them. And I went up to the hotel room and I thought, you know what I'm gonna do? I am going to get me some ice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'm gonna fill one of these glasses with ice. And I'm gonna take this mid level to low level Diet Coke experience and I'm gonna upgrade it to elite status.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I did that by both pouring it over ice, but then also, if you had extra in the bottle, did you put the bottle in the ice bucket with ice or did it all crazy?

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew. That literally didn't occur to me because my thinking was every time I have some of this Diet Coke, it's going to be in a glass with ice in it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, it's fine.

[Luke Burbank]

But I still should have probably just put it in with that ice. I didn't. I got up the next morning, all the ice had melted. And because I've never been a motel, a hotel ice guy, I think I thought, you fill the ice bucket, you put the lid on it and then you have ice all weekend. I didn't know it was a. You know, you had to keep, like, dumping it out, getting new ice. I thought it was. You just do it once and then you're set. And that is not the case. I learned. And that's why I'm back off of being an ice band. It's more work than I'm into.

[Andrew Walsh]

It is a lot of work. But, yeah, when I'm in a hotel by myself, I'm just gonna. I'm like, this is just me. And I know you know this about me. I don't need to spend tons of time on it, but I am just, like, a natural putterer. Like, it's much harder for me to, like, sit down in a hotel room and just, like, watch, you know, like, what do you watch, your. Your Forensic Files or whatever? Like, even when I'm in a hotel room, I'm puttering. I turn on the tv, but then, I don't know, maybe I'll iron for a while and I'll iron my shirts, and then I'll. And I know you do that as well, but like, it to me, I'm not trying to get it done. I'm just, like, puttering. And part of the puttering is, like, taking several trips to the ice machine throughout the evening. I'm just, like, always, like, kind of tidying and puttering. Even, like, I just. I have issues just sitting still. So for me, the ice situation. And by the way, I just want to say to all of our listeners. Yeah, we're finally addressing the ice situation in this country. I know a lot of us want. A lot of. You wanted us to talk about it for a long time, and now we're addressing it.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I have the opposite experience when I'm in the hotel room, which is I would like to cocoon. I mean, it depends on where I am, if it's work time or fun time, the city. So there are a lot of factors to this. But generally speaking, like, you're talking about going out to the ice machine three or four times. As I told you with my sandwich pickup the other night, for me, the ideal is to have everything in the hotel room that I want and need, and then to just basically be ensconced in the hotel room and not have to go out for anything. Not have to go down to the front desk to get anything, not have to, like, to the point where one of my greatest joys is ordering a pot of coffee when we're about to do the show sometimes or even if it's just a Saturday morning and I'm at a hotel for some reason and, like, sitting there, I don't really put the bathrobe on, but, like, having the coffee in the room, like, I didn't have to leave the room to get the coffee or something, like. So whereas you're just kind of like, you're buzzing around, you're going. The takeaway from this is you and I need to start staying in more hotel rooms together. Because you're looking for errands.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, Right.

[Luke Burbank]

Send you off to do things. I can stay cloistered in the hotel room and everybody wins.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I should just work at a hotel, I think. Think. Right. Like, that's. That's the bottom line here. Like, I've always sort of harbored this fantasy of running a little hotel. Not a bnb, by the way. It has to be a hotel. Everybody.

[Luke Burbank]

You know What? You know, people sleeping in your actual house.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, And I just don't like that. Like I stated, I've stayed in BNBS before. Like, actual BnBs. Before there was such a thing as Airbnb. Like, it's a very New England thing, I think. I mean, I know it's all over the place, but there's something specifically New England, very Murder, She Wrote about staying in, like, a. Yeah, exactly. A bnb. And, you know, like the. Oh, we all get up and we come down downstairs and we have breakfast around a big table with the other. With the other people who are staying there. Just not much.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely not.

[Andrew Walsh]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you know what's so funny, though? We should thank some dazzling donors, I guess. But, like, Airbnb has so fully dominated my brain space when it comes to those kinds of things that when people say bnb, I think they're saying it wrong. You know what I mean? Like, bed and breakfast. That was the thing. A B. And B was the. That's what it was called. That's what we were calling it. That's what I was avoiding staying at whenever possible. But now when I hear bnb, I'm like. I think you mean airbnb.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right, right, right.

[Luke Burbank]

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle.

[Andrew Walsh]

On your mark.

[Luke Burbank]

On your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set, get set now. Ready, Ready, go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody. Razzle dazzle. Hey, let's thank some dazzling donors. These wonderful, generous people are donating a dazzling amount of dough each month. That is what funds this operation. Five days a week, 52 weeks a year. As you mentioned earlier, Andrew, we are putting together the some of the final planning touches and details for the tbtl a thon week that's gonna be coming up here this summer. It's gonna be another, I think, fun week where we all get to hang out, whether in person or virtually, and celebrate TBTL and celebrate friendship and do all this really fun stuff. And we can't wait for that. But in the meantime, we want to thank some of the dazzling donors who' us to this point this year and over the years. And we're going to start with Linder Peacock in Portsmouth, Rhode Island. Now, Linder says something in the pronouncer here that I had long wondered about Andrew, but never really had confirmation of. Linder says, like Linda, with my grandpa's Pawtucket accent. Because I don't think I'm familiar with the name Linder outside of our friend Linder Peacock. And I'm wondering, is that the kind of thing where they just, you know, if. If his. If Linder's grandpa would say, ah, Linda. Ah, Linder. Like, is that just. Are we now just putting the name in the way it has been pronounced in the area in Pawtucket or in Portsmouth?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't. You know, I've always wondered this too, and if. And I do wonder if Linder has actually answered this question. And I've forgotten it, but because I. I've met Linder. We met her not actually in New England, but I believe the first time we met might have been down in Austin for our Austin show or something. And I. I kind of always assumed that Linder's given name was Linda, but that Linder became the main name. The nickname that kind of took hold because of the Pawtucket, because of the New England accent thing. But I don't know. I don't know what the birth certificate says. What I'm saying is, as Linder, we produce the birth certificate. We need to see the birth certificate. That's what I'm saying. And also. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

We just. Yeah, we're asking reasonable questions about Linder's first.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

Dear Trace Bros. Triple Guys, Tribros, Fellows three. I like Fellows three.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do, too.

[Luke Burbank]

That sounds like we are in an acapella group. That sounds like we're in a. Like a 1950s. It's like, you know, Mike Francisco and the fellows three.

[Andrew Walsh]

The fellows three. Oh, you know who, by the way. Well, now my brain's going in several different directions, but one of my favorite jazz ensemble names, somebody who I was not super familiar with but I started listening to this winter is Art Blakey. Do you Know the name of Art Blakey's band? Art Blakey. I feel like I think you'll recognize when you hear it. It's Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just think that is the coolest. I mean, that is literally the coolest. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

I'm more of an Art Blakey on the Arkansas Travelers. A lot of people. Or at least our friend Larry Asher cluing us in on that. Right. Did you see those emails?

[Andrew Walsh]

I saw an email.

[Luke Burbank]

Traveler like story. It's a thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And he sent along a song, a folk song that goes along with it.

[Luke Burbank]

Linder says, every day when I play the recent episode, something makes me think, ah, dang, me too. And then I should write my dazzling donor message today. This is surely the sign that today is the day. But then it isn't the day. Because weeks and months have gone by since Dazzling Season began. I like that idea of Dazzling Season.

[Andrew Walsh]

Dazzling Season, too.

[Luke Burbank]

A few weeks ago, I did actually start something though. You were talking about bringing back some older segments, and I got it stuck in my head that one of our musical tens should make you an intro to the tune of Bringing Sexy Back. I scratched out a few lines. It was very silly. And I've attached the screenshot here. Ultimately, I think my contribution is much better. Are handled with plain and simple money. Don't sell yourself short, lender. But also, we do love the plain and simple money. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, that's a language everybody speaks.

[Luke Burbank]

It's definitely something we can deposit into the bank and then withdraw to pay our mortgages, which is helpful. We've tried that with parody songs before.

[Andrew Walsh]

The look that our bankers give us when we come in.

[Luke Burbank]

We have a dic.

[Andrew Walsh]

We have a big sack of. Of parody songs.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I tried to pay my car payment with the lyrics of like A. And it did not work.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I'm sorry. That's the one time I lost the line for one second. You're in a hotel room. What was the song? The parody song.

[Luke Burbank]

I said like a surgeon.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh. Oh God. That's one of my favorites.

[Luke Burbank]

The funny part is like, I paused because I was going to say fat. You know, the Weird Al thing. But then I was like, eh. Because, you know, when I was a kid, of course I thought that was the height of. Of Weird Al parody music because it was a Michael Jackson bad parody, et cetera. And. But then I'm like, also, we don't really talk about stuff that way anymore. So I. Was that what you didn't hear? Because our line was dropping but what was actually happening in real time, Andrew, was I took about four seconds to try to think of one other Weird Al song than Fat.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, when you said like a surgeon, I said, that's one of my favorites. I have to be intellectually honest with you. Nobody could catch me in that lie. But that's a little bit of a lie. I think I was confusing it very briefly with I think I'm. I think we're a clone now. Or no, I think I'm a clone.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I'm a clone now.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's good. That one.

[Luke Burbank]

Such a better poll. If I could have grabbed that one. Yes, Linder says, because what you do is so important to me. Thank you, tb, tb for making my favorite podcard. And thank you, tens, for being a peerless community. I love you all. Signed Linder. And now here is the lyrics that Linder had suggested for bringing Sexy back. The song bringing Sexy Back, but the words referring to us bringing old segments back.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now do you want the car. Do you want me to get karaoke music or is that.

[Luke Burbank]

There's gonna be a delay in the line.

[Andrew Walsh]

I can try to do or you could try from year on, but I don't know what the Internet is gonna do. The Internet.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, this is gonna be crazy because.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, what was thinking? Oh, that was just the. That was just the intro to it. Okay, sorry, what were you saying?

[Luke Burbank]

I was going to say I'm not going to be. I'm going to be hearing the music from you. Or do you want to do it?

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't want to do the lyrics. I'm sorry.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm going to do it acapella.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay. You don't want the music in the background?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't want the music in the background because it's actually going to make it more confusing for me. And I don't think I'm going to be very good at this. But I do need you to make the sounds that are in the song Sexy Back, which is like a real kind of like revved up, like, I can't. I can't do it.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you can.

[Luke Burbank]

Because everybody.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know, I don't know it well enough. Enough. That's the problem. That's what made me a little bit nervous.

[Luke Burbank]

Can you say go ahead, be gone with it. Go ahead. Me gone with it?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

And then just bringing segments back. Just yell that out.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I worry, you know, I worry about my ability to actually do that earnestly. So maybe just. Just power through on this or just read it like, just read it like a beat poetry, you know, to celebrate. I'm over that 100 years of Allen Ginsberg death. Did you hear Sunday Morning Edition Sunday this weekend?

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, no, I missed that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought I was actually thinking of you because I know you're a big fan of the Sunday puzzle, of course. And I thought this week's Sunday puzzle was, with all due respect to the puzzle master and Aisha, it was lame.

[Luke Burbank]

It was too easy or lame. It was just so easy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like the one that was actually on the radio. Like, the guy had, you know, the person who was on, who was actually playing along and called in or whatever because he won whatever they gave him last week. It was like just every answer had something to do with Ferris or fairy in the title. And then he would just give a clue. And it was just so obvious. It was just like, oh, now I. Now I can't think of any examples. It was like giant wheel often at amusement park marks. Ferris wheel. That was literally one of them. It was just like, oh, man. Yeah, it was really. When I get every single one, you know, it's too easy. Npr.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I. That.

[Andrew Walsh]

The.

[Luke Burbank]

The volatility of that game of that quiz between weeks in terms of how difficult it is. Some weeks it's like, oh, slam dunk. We got these and some. It's like they're doing the last one. I still don't even understand the actual game.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you're still trying to puzzle it out so hard.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm just like, oh, my God, if I got this one, if I was the caller. And they were like, oh, okay, every word this week is a palindrome. But you're going to take out the last two letters and replace them with a cosine.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's going to be a celebrity's middle name.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. We're bringing segments back. The business boys have a nostalgia knack. From the Eagles to the Outback. Let's go through some older segments. Jack, take it to the tents. Go ahead, be gone with the Taking quizzes. Go ahead, be gone with the Drop and roulette. Go ahead, be gone with it. Mystery solvers. Go ahead, be gone with Dreamcore. Babe, how many times did DFT be saved? This shows with quizzes. There's the Bobby Pape knows marscapone's not a chevre. Babe, Take us to the archives.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, my God. That was. Well, first of all, good job on you. Great job, Delinder. That's really funny. You made me LOL on that. I don't get the last Reference. Marscapone's not a. Well, from the radio.

[Luke Burbank]

Very. In the radio days, there was something. I think it was cooking with Sean, and Sean, as you might imagine at that time, did not. And this is part of the bit, he did not have access to all of the ingredients that were recommended in the recipe. So he, I believe, used Chevre instead of mascarpone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Or he used Mars Capone instead of chevre. He used the wrong kind of cheese. And I. If I remember it, it might have really added a certain experience to the dish that was not intended.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember a drop or something about Chevy Shaw, but I never. Yeah, I don't think we could never

[Luke Burbank]

figure out how to say the word too, because it's, you know, it's French and it's. Let's see if.

[Andrew Walsh]

And is it true? Did they get Marscopone on tax evasion? Is that. Is that right?

[Luke Burbank]

That's it. Famously, yeah. The RICO laws were created because of marscapone. That's right. Thank you, Linder. We appreciate you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, hold on. Don't say it yet. I. I was just reveling in my hilarious joke. Don't say it yet. Okay, you can say it. That was good. You can say it now.

[Luke Burbank]

Mars Capone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Get set. Get set now. Ready? I was so far up my own rear end that I wasn't ready with the music. I like that.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought that was a good joke. It's our pal Joe Michael Wright in Tenver, Colorado. Joe would like us to know that the hyphen is silent. And Joe Michael. Joe Michael Wright says, hey, biz boys, I don't have anything super profound to add here. Oh, what, we don't have another Justin Timberlake song I'm supposed to sing on the fly on a Monday morning? Hey, biz boys, I don't have anything super profound to add here, which is probably why this has taken me so long to get to. But thanks for all y' all do Q. What you do is so important. Drop the constant companionship. I get get from this show really does help make the world go round. Here's to another 5,000 shows.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow. Another 5,000.

[Luke Burbank]

Could we. This will come up sometime and we'll. We will speculate. 20. We could do this. I mean, I don't know if there'll be anybody listening, but it's the good news, Andrew, is this isn't something that physically we necessarily age out of. Like, I guess we could do another other. We could maybe try to get to 10,000. We would be, you know, we'd be 70 be approaching 70, which is not old. Lots of people doing all kinds of things at age 70. That is much harder than hosting a daily podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, I think what we have going for us is my brain is getting sharper and sharper, and the listeners can see it, and the listeners can track that. So that is actually in the pro column.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. I. You know, I listen to the Howard Stern show pretty frequently, although I remain, like, two months behind. It's crazy. I'm just living in it. It doesn't really bother me. I know you said that sometimes when you're listening to Lebatard or things like that kind of. You don't.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, I was listening to them. Their reaction to the super bowl the other day.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, yeah. I can't go back in time like that.

[Luke Burbank]

That. I don't know why it doesn't. It doesn't bother me because, really, I'm not listening for that stuff. I'm listening for when, like, you know, know, like, Bobo in Florida calls in to talk about his penis pump and the issues he's having at the gym because he has to keep it inflated to a certain degree so that he doesn't wet his pants. But then he's getting complaints about walking around partially tumescent.

[Andrew Walsh]

He wears.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm tuning in. Do you wear Method? I guess. I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

It's part of his physical body. It's a. It's an insert. It's an implant.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I didn't know that that's how those worked. I think I pictured.

[Luke Burbank]

It does for Bobo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Or like, when they banned Bobo for. From calling for like, a month or two months, which is his whole lifeblood is calling the show. So he started calling in as Steve from Florida. We could all tell it was Bobo, by the way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway, you know what? There's something weird about, like, I think if it was. If I listened to a segment that was about the super bowl, now, it wouldn't bother me so much. It's like this uncanny valley of right after. You know what I mean? Like, right after a big event. But like, now it just seemed like, oh, yeah, that was in the past. I'm listening to this archive episode. But if it's like, two or three weeks behind, like, that makes me uncomfortable. I feel like, ah, come on, guys.

[Luke Burbank]

One thing is, like, one is history, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You're listening to something historically important, and the other is just. I've been procrastinating on listening to this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

All that is to say, I hear Howard and Robin, who are in their 70s now, fumbling for things. And of course we, we fumble for things all the time on this show. I, I would like to think they fumble a little bit more than we do, but actually, I don't know. It might be about the same and it makes me crazy when I'm listening to it. So this is. That would be probably the biggest impediment to us doing an additional 5,000 shows would be if the listeners could tolerate the amount of fumbling that might be happening 15 years from now, considering what it's like even here in the year of our Lord 2026, which I almost just had to try to remember if it's 2026. Case in point. But we're getting queso in point. Is it weird to eat guacamole without chips the day later? A day later? Because that's exactly what I did this morning, Andrew. I got, got some Mexican food yesterday and I didn't finish all of it. So I brought, I got the. Some chips and guacamole. What happened was I was just ordering guacamole and then I didn't realize the guy was gonna come over and make the guacamole next to my seat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, one of those. Oh, nice.

[Luke Burbank]

One of those deals.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't.

[Luke Burbank]

I just thought I was getting some chips and guac. And then it was a whole production. There was a stone, you know, bowl and all that. So then I felt like, well, I gotta take this with me. I'm kind of. I can't. This was a work of art. So I brought the guac and the chips up to the room. And then last night I was like a little hungry later in the night. And so I got through the chips. There weren't enough chips. There was more guacamole than chips. So I used up all of the chips and then there was guacamole. I woke up this morning, believe it or not, still a little bit hungry. And I was like, there's no food in this room that is not going to cost me a thousand dollars to. To eat. In other words, you know, there's chips and there's like potato chips, but they're all again, room service or whatever you call it. So I just straight up just ate some. I ate most of the rest of the guacamole standalone, which felt very odd to me. But I don't know. People eat avocados.

[Andrew Walsh]

What was the vehicle to getting it into your mouth?

[Luke Burbank]

It was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, no.

[Luke Burbank]

A torn off corner.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, no. Of the way. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Luke Burbank]

Can I box?

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I take that back? I re. I read that the chips had been

[Luke Burbank]

Andrew retract, and it was shockingly effective. It was. Let me tell you, it's food safe. No, let me explain to you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm going to write myself a note. Don't ask.

[Luke Burbank]

Can this be the show pick?

[Andrew Walsh]

Don't ask questions.

[Luke Burbank]

It was not a remote control. Listen to me. Listen to me. Hear me now and believe me later. This was food safe. So this is the cardboard box, which, if you've never noticed, I don't know if I had. The interior of those is sometimes slightly waxed, I guess, because it's going to have food in it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Mm.

[Luke Burbank]

The other thing that I was shocked by is that. So this was the end flaps. You know, four flaps on top. You fold them over. All these that had was tortilla chips in it. That end flap, it ripped almost as if it was perforated.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think they are perforated, which is.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it designed for this?

[Andrew Walsh]

I think so. Some of them are because they have those kind. When I used to go to Whole Foods, remember I lived across the street from Whole Foods, so I'd go over there. They often have those kinds of. Kinds of takeout containers. And I'm pretty sure those flaps, maybe not on all of them, but on some of them are perforated so that, like, if you bring your salad home, you can, like, tear the flaps off to eat it more comfortably.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, it also works great as a guac scoop. And so. And so, yeah, I know you were scarred by the remote control in Mississippi, as were we all. As should we all have been.

[Andrew Walsh]

As a drink stirrer.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that was weird and gross, and I'll never live that down. But this was. This was, I thought, a little bit more.

[Andrew Walsh]

A little more hygienic than that of Klobuchar. It is weird, the things why she couldn't be president. The things that stick in my head. Hello, and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

As I mentioned, Andrew, I was here because we were filming at this thing called Crimecon, which I almost sent you and John a bunch of photos over the weekend of the convention center. Because really, what it would seem is. And Crimecon is for. For people that are interested in true crime and, you know, shows like Forensic Files and dateline NBC and 48 Hours and various podcasts. It's almost a podcasting convention more than it's anything like I was. There's just so many people that were podcasting and live streaming about, you know, crime and stuff, and it was just like Just the equipment they were using. The fact that this is that there are so many people who I think have. There's some very successful crime podcasts that, like, there was a line, a line snaking around many, many booths for people to come and take a picture with the co hosts of something called, like, the Weekly Crime Podcast or something. I looked them up. It's like the guy was like a police officer in, like, New Hampshire or something. And he's not that old. He's younger than us. And then I think his co host is, I don't know, just somebody he knows or somebody who's entertaining. But, like, the. The excitement in the. The crowd and these people that were going to get to take pictures in front of a step and repeat with these two podcasters was wild. Then you had the other podcasts that were like, you could tell that kind of like, they weren't really hitting yet. Like, people didn't really know about them. And so, like, they were just kind of sadly podcasting to no one. And that gave me a bad feeling. There was some crime podcast host. I think it's a woman named Cece Suarez. And her whole booth was like a library, kind of like a murder. Mr. Library, mystery library. Kind of like it had all these crime books in it and stuff. This was the backdrop of the booth. So it was like you had. You were sitting in her library with her, but all her books are about crime. Cool. Now, she was not there at the time. She was on a break. But I was looking at her booth, and her sign says, CC Suarez. Just a lady with a bulldog. A camera in Too many opinions. And I was like, this might have to be our new catchphrase.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can we just take it?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, is it just a couple guys with a bulldog? Just a couple guys with a. Do we know what Lucy is?

[Andrew Walsh]

She's. Yeah, she's everything. She's literally every kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

Just a couple of guys with an everything dog, a microphone, and too many opinions.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ooh. And everything. Everything dog. I think they sell those at the stadium now. They love true crime, so they would love the crime of plagiarism. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Is that how work they'd be their next crime to solve? Who are these guys? It's. It was. It was interesting to me, again, on a media level, because again, what you realize is that in this space, like, I guess here's what I'm trying to say, what I was struck by is that in a certain way, you and I have watched the podcasting industry kind of go up and down and explode into this thing and then kind of like have the air taken out of it a little bit in the funding department and the advertising department. But, like, it still is for a lot of people. Kind of like the dream ticket. The dream is to be these people that do the. Whatever it's called the Crime of the Week podcast or the weekly crime podcast. They clearly made it. And of course, Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff with the My Favorite Murder podcast, they made it. They have become extremely popular and very wealthy, presumably from a hit crime podcast, but because the barrier to entry is so low, you just need a microphone and too many opinions, you can just see all of these people that probably put, you know, the. Their life savings into getting their booth at CrimeCon and then getting it all kitted out and then sitting there and then doing their show or handing out, you know, little cards that list where you can get their show, et cetera. Like podcasting as the dream to media stardom. I don't think I'd observed it in this particular way, if that makes any sense. Like, as, like people like, oh, yeah, I could get a podcast and it could become a hit, and then I could be famous and rich. And there was a lot of people that were, you know, at various kind of points along the way of that sort of spectrum. But all that is to say, I was wandering around and I had this, you know, the CBS camera crew with me because they're. They're filming the. They're filming the Crimecon, and then they're also filming. This is the. This is the part of my job that, as you would imagine, Andrew, is quite mortifying is me walking through CrimeCon while being filmed walking through crime conversation. And also I have a blazer on, which I don't usually these days. I'm not usually wearing a collared shirt and a blazer, but I was interviewing a couple of parents who lost their child in those murders that happened in Idaho, the really awful, gruesome murders of those college students. And I just wanted them to understand that I was taking this seriously, I guess. I don't know. I felt like, out of respect for them, they didn't just see any John Prine tattoos, so I was in this blazer.

[Andrew Walsh]

Can I ask you a quick question? So I. That's interesting to me that the. So that's interesting to me that the families of victims would. Would be there as well. What was their kind of relation or their.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's exactly why I wanted to talk to them, because that's part of this thing now. And they're listed as, you know, celebrity guests at this thing. And on the one hand, it's very, like. It's hard to wrap your mind around and kind of sounds a bit morbid or like, why would you. Because your child died in a horrific way, why would you then be at a crime con? And what they said. I asked them about that, and what they said to me was, well, first of all, they had started this foundation, and they are trying to raise awareness for this foundation that's named after their daughter, Kaylee Gonzalez. And what their foundation does is they raise money. And the way the money is used is to try to help small police departments get the kind of technology that they need or get access to the various things that would help identify who a killer might be more quickly. They were telling me about the time between when their daughter was killed and when they were actually the. The police had a suspect. They said that that was for them, other than getting the initial phone call. That was the absolute worst of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was a long time for that one, too.

[Luke Burbank]

It was. It actually wasn't as long. I mean, it wasn't a cold case. But every day for them felt just like, you know, unlivable. And they said when they found out that the. That they. That they, you know, had arrested the suspect and now the person who pleaded guilty to it, they said that that was. The dad said, I had not. Not had. I had not been able to smile or exhale for one of those days until they had caught the person. And so what they want to try to do is. Is. And they're. They were saying a lot of these cases, it's not that they can't figure out who the person is, that it's very expensive. You need a lot of law enforcement hours. You need a lot of, like, you know, testing and technology. And if you could throw a bunch of money at something, you really could probably get to a quicker and better outcome is their point. So that, to answer your question of why they're there, I think that's it. What I can tell you is sitting down with them, I could tell they were not reveling in this process. And I wasn't actually sure what the vibe was going to be like. I wasn't sure if they were gonna sit down and kind of be like, oh, we're media people now. We're. We're. Because, I mean, they've been interviewed hundreds of times because of this tragedy. But I didn't know if, like, if they were gonna kind of have Like Jim and Tammy Faye energy, kind of like, oh, we've done so many interviews, and, like, which camp? Okay, what's my angle? And, you know, like, you know, no, that was not it. They were still in the throes of grief, I could tell. And were, I think, part of why they want to be at something. I mean, they said that they had never been to this thing before, and they said that they decided to come because they wanted to try to help other people who were going through the experience of losing a loved one through a violent crime crime. And in their minds, I think they feel like this is part of it. I think really what it is is that the. The depth of. Of tragedy when something like this happens is so bottomless that the only thing that might give you a little bit of a tiny break from it is feeling like you're doing something.

[Andrew Walsh]

I believe in that act like you're.

[Luke Burbank]

You're. You're converting this into action. And I think in their minds, this nonprofit that they've started is if it helps one person, like the dad Rick was saying, I don't know if this is allowable, but I would love to be the person who gets to call the family members and say, we got the person. So in their minds, I think being at this thing, if it raises money for this organization and that allows them to help one of these things be solved a little more quickly, that feels like something to them would be my explanation of why they were there, because it's very counterintuitive. You would think they'd want to be nowhere near a place like that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, because, I mean, you mentioned. And we don't have to get into all this. I know we're a little bit tight on time, but you had mentioned. Mentioned briefly last week on the show that there are people who are making these podcasts and other types of media about true crime, and they're pushing back on the idea that this is, quote, unquote, entertainment that they're actually doing, and that people who listen and consume this media aren't just doing it because it's entertainment, that it's more than that. And I would say that maybe that is true in some cases, but also, I know there are plenty of people who will admit it themselves. Like, I listen to this because it is entertainment, is. It is a way for me to pass time. Like, I just don't think there's a lot of ways to get around the fact that a lot of people do that. And it's a pretty macabre sort of type of Entertainment for those who are consuming it that way and for those who are creating it for that purpose. And so therefore, I would see sort of a reaction from the victims and families of victims to be like, I want no part of this. This is not entertainment. This is our lives. And it's devastating.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the guy, the dad, kind of said that exact thing when we sat down. He was like, there's two sides to this thing, this crime. I said, well, why would you guys come to CrimeCon? He said, well, there's kind of two sides to it. There's the side where it's. This is entertainment, you know, because of someone losing their life. And he's like, I want no part of that. He goes, but then there's the other side of it that's actually, you know, really involving, like, law enforcement and researchers and data science and, like, people trying to actually figure out how to solve crimes that are unsolved or how to solve crimes more quickly or whatever. And he's like, and those are the. That's the side of this that I want to interact with.

[Andrew Walsh]

He.

[Luke Burbank]

He definitely. Let me put it this way. This is a dad of five from rural Idaho. And let me just tell you, he was not about the nonsense. Yeah, this guy was not like, he was. He was a pretty no nonsense individual, if you know what I'm saying. So anyway, but I'm wandering around this thing, and it's like I have this blazer on in a collared shirt, and I'm a little more coiffed than maybe the average person there. And I've got a crew with me. What I can tell is people are trying to figure out if I'm somebody. They don't know who I am. They don't know that I'm from CBS Sunday Morning. These are probably different demos, but they can see that I have some. I'm somehow slightly somebody they should be kind of clocking. And this lady comes up and she goes, oh, my gosh, can I take a picture with you? And I said, I had the weird. Maybe the weirdest reaction I've ever had in these moments, Andrew. Because usually, I mean, that doesn't happen very often, but let's say if it's. Wait, wait. I know that this is because of. Wait, wait. Or if we're in the wild, like, if we're doing a CBS Sunday Morning story at, like, a parade or something, and somebody comes up and says, like, oh, can I take a picture with you? I'm like, well, maybe they're a Sunday Morning fan. Somehow in this Moment I knew that this woman definitely did not know who I was and probably thought I was someone else. So she said, can I take a picture with you? And I said, absolutely. I go, but who do you think you're taking a picture with? Which sounded. I was smiling. I wasn't trying to be mean. I was trying to assess, who does this woman think she's taking a picture with right now? And she kind of got really quiet. She goes, you're not Paul Holes. I was like, exoticca is like two convention centers over, lady. That's the adult Expo, and that's where Paul Holes is. No, Paul Holes is an investigator who's kind of famous in this world of true crime. There was a. I think there was a. A big. A series of unsolved crimes, unsolved murders in California might have been called the Golden State Killer. It was a particularly. I mean, these are all bad, but it's an extra bad one. And they were able to find the guy who did it because of. Of DNA testing. They basically found DNA. They were able to find the family tree that had the same DNA and then narrow it down to, like, four or five people and then figure out it was this one person.

[Andrew Walsh]

He is. That was a Golden State Killer, by the way. That's it.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Golden State Killer, investigator Paul Holes signs overall deal with oxygen.

[Luke Burbank]

There you go. And this woman, I need to look up. I need to figure out how. Insulted or not insulted.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, he's. No, you're. You're good on this one.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah, no, I'll take Paul Holes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll take Paul Holes in a minute.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. No offense.

[Luke Burbank]

That's great.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's good. Oh, great.

[Luke Burbank]

I should have said I was Paul Holes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Dang it. Blew my chance. But, like, she was like, you're not Paul Holes. And I was like, we can still take a picture. I'm with cbs. We can still take a picture.

[Lisa]

Like.

[Luke Burbank]

No, that's okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's so funny. She didn't go through with it anyway. It just says, we never got the picture. So she straight up, once she learned

[Luke Burbank]

I wasn't Paul Holes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's pretty funny. That's pretty funny.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

How'd you feel?

[Luke Burbank]

I felt. How did I feel about it? I. Well, I felt bad. She was super apologetic, as if she had gravely insulted me, which she really had into. I was. I was really, really not offended. And that's before I knew that Paul Holes is actually kind of a snack.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, no, I'm looking at him now in a V. Neck T shirt. Looking good, fella.

[Luke Burbank]

I was wearing a V neck T shirt, too. I forgot I told you I did a wardrobe change.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but I don't know how I felt. I. I felt bad that she was feeling super embarrassed because she didn't have anything to feel embarrassed about. And then I, you know, I just. The whole. The. The whole thing was just kind of. I kept trying to make my mind up about this, Andrew, about this crime con. If I thought it was awful or if I thought that it was defensible or if I thought it was kind of a combo of everything. And I landed on. It's kind of a combo of everything. You know, it's. It's. You're right. I think to say that there's no entertainment value, that people are not entertained by these crimes and the stories of these crimes would be just flatly untrue. I do think that there are people that. I think the people that are the most fascinated with it, certainly, that come to CrimeCon are also very, very interested in the outcome of catching the people who did it. That is a true thing and are not. It is. I'll tell you what this wasn't. It's not John Wayne Gacy fest. You know what I mean? Like, there is a real through line of the people that are very, very, I guess you could say, obsessed with true crime stories. They're not venerating the perpetrators. That is really true. Like, for a long time there was. I was talking to a sociologist in Rhode island about this a few weeks ago in Linder country about how, like, there was a period of time where true crime stories all revolved around the killers and we knew the names of them, whether it was Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacy or, you know, the. The Zodiac Killer or, you know, it was like the person who did these horrible crimes was. Was sort of like mythologized and, And. And. And almost like a folk hero. And we really are in a mode where that's not the deal, like, with this stuff. Like, the people at this thing were not. Nobody was there wearing a T shirt of Charles Manson or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

I would say at least there's. That these are people, primarily women, who I think identify very strongly with the victims of these violent crimes and. And kind of like. Like, you know, very like, are.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are.

[Luke Burbank]

Are into keeping their memories alive or figuring out who did the crime to them. Or the mom of Kaylee Gonzalez was saying that she has people come up to her and are, like, crying, and they're like, I'm I never met your daughter, but she means her life meant so much to me because of all of the coverage. And I. I know this sounds weird, but I just. I love her even though I never met her. And, you know, it's like, so it's a. It's. I can't give it. I can't proclaim it to be all bad or all good, but it's definitely. It was a. It was an interesting weekend. Put it that way.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

All righty. Emails, vmails. We had a V mail we were trying to get to last week, if I remember.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, let's do this. It's a bit of a stem winder listener. Lisa sent this. And this is a voice memo. Good, good high quality audio. Luke, you're going to enjoy this. You can send us voice memos by recording on your phone and then emailing me. Andrewbtail.net this is from our friend Lisa, who wanted to weigh in on Genevieve's exploits regarding the traffic cam speeding ticket she got the other day. We've been getting tons and tons and tons of reaction to that conversation. I don't know how much of it you've been picking up on, Luke. Probably I'm getting more of it because people want me to pass stuff along to Genevieve. But everything from people who work on the date data side of track traffic enforcement and actually research it, to community leaders who are very much in favor of this kind of enforcement, why we need it, and of course, people who have stories about getting out of tickets and advice on how to get out of tickets, everything. So this is Lisa's story about how one time she got in trouble with the law law and how she handled it.

[Lisa]

Hi, guys. It's Lisa and Hoffman Estates. My message is mostly for Genevieve. I just wanted to tell her that she does not have to lie in order to get out of her ticket. I have experience with this. I got a red light camera that caught me turning right on a red light that was not allowed, and it was a downhill intersection in Oceanside. This was over 10 years ago, and the picture came in the mail and I just looked like Jabba the Hutt. It was terrible. I had my glasses on and there's nothing worse.

[Luke Burbank]

There's nothing worse than being caught in a crime and looking bad. Every time you look up at the, like, Safeway self checkout, like, thing, and

[Andrew Walsh]

you're just like, God.

[Luke Burbank]

Humbling experience.

[Andrew Walsh]

They must do something to those cameras to make them the most unflattering.

[Luke Burbank]

They must think that if you are feeling bad about yourself, you're less likely to steal. Like, you don't have the confidence to steal.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's really interesting, by the way. I was. This is not related, but I was texting my friend Monica. It occurred to me, while you're talking about being at CrimeCon, did you see Yeardley Smith's booth or anything? Because my friend Monica produces Yeardley Smith

[Luke Burbank]

has the voice of Lisa Simpson.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes. She has a long. At least 10 years running now crime podcast called Small Town Dick. She hosts it.

[Luke Burbank]

Whoa. I would have remembered that booth.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And my friend Monica, who I believe you've met a couple of times, she is. She says she's just getting on it. I was like, wait a second, are you there? And she's like, I'm getting on a plane right now leaving Vegas. Because the con is.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what? Actually, there was also a. There was. Believe it or not, I wasn't even in the exclusive podcast zone. I think there was another area that was called the. Like, I don't know if it was called Media Row or something, but I remember. I don't exactly. The point is, I bet you that the Yeardley Smith one was in an area that I didn't go into. Yeah, maybe for whatever reason, I'm sad I didn't go because that would have been actually kind of entertaining.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, she's pretty cool. And you probably would have recognized Monica. You're good at remembering people. So, anyway, okay, let's go back to. Sorry, that. That really, really interrupted Lisa there. Sorry. So Lisa has this. By the way, this all goes back to an episode of Columbo that Genevieve got obsessed with called. I can't remember what it was called, but had Dabney Coldman in it. Remember, we were obsessed over this episode where Dabney Coleman gets caught on a speeding camera and it actually helps him with his case, but it turns out the whole thing was faked. Genevieve has gotten caught on a speeding camera twice since we watched that show. I blame Dabney. Anyway, back to Lisa.

[Lisa]

And I just looked like Jabba the Hutt. It was terrible. I had my glasses on and this big scarf around my neck and big messy bun on my head. I was just coming from the gym, but somebody had told me about the service that will guarantee to get you out of your red light ticket or your money back. It was guaranteed. So what did I have to lose? Right? It was. The ticket was like 300 or something crazy. And the service was just under 200. So I figured, you know, it was worth a try. They weren't able to get it dismissed. But what I didn't know because I didn't read the fine print was you have to go and appear in front of the judge and be found guilty in order to get your money back from the service. So the day of the hearing I go in and there's someone representing the police. I don't know if he was a retired cop or whatever, older guy and he had big eight by 10 blow ups or bigger or something of your driver's license, end of the red light picture. And I didn't tell him why, but I just refused to settle and I don't know, a couple other people did settle, but. So we all go into the courtroom and my hearing is towards the end of the day. So I'm watching all these people try to fight their tickets and they just do a terrible job. They're just incriminating themselves. It was a mess. One thing I noted though was that the judge kept telling this older guy representing the cops that he had to prove the person in the picture was the defendant. So I'm sitting there and I realize I am wearing a scarf again and I have my glasses on. So I took all that off and when my turn finally came, I think my only words I said the whole time were not guilty. And then the guy started to present all the evidence from the red light camera and when it was calibrated and all this stuff and my driver's license and, and I will say I loved that driver's license picture. It's the best one I'd ever had in my whole life. And so the judge looked at the evidence and he looked at the terrible red light picture and he said he didn't believe the person in the red light photo was me because I was much better looking and it just didn't match. I.

[Andrew Walsh]

It'd be funny if that was actually the judge's words. We rule that this woman is better looking than this photo.

[Lisa]

Tried not to react, you know, so I didn't say a word. I just stood there because I was just waiting for the guilty verdict so I could get my money back from that service. So the police guy was super irritated that the judge just didn't take his word for it. And maybe it was just because I kept my mouth shut and I wasn't fighting or the judge was just feeling generous, but he dismissed my ticket. So I did end up having to pay the service. Even though they didn't fix it. But the lesson here is to let them prove it's you in the photograph and just keep your mouth shut, and you might get out of it. You know, it's worth a try anyway. Good luck. Power out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Just keep your mouth shut. Don't talk to cops.

[Luke Burbank]

How would it feel, they say, if it were the opposite? In other words, Lisa. Yeah. Looked so incredible in the red light camera photograph that it could not have been the person in the dress.

[Andrew Walsh]

Look at this person on the stand. Come on. You wish.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, now, just. If it's okay, I think it's all right for me to do this. I can update folks, because Genevieve sent Andrew, you and I. Oh, yeah. What she ended up sending into the court.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is embarrassing.

[Luke Burbank]

It's embarrassed. I won't. I won't read the whole thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, no. She said. She told me that she sent it to you. You can read the whole thing. I think it's. This is. This is just straight up groveling. This is just straight up groveling.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, if folks remember, Genevieve was trying to decide if she was going to, you know, try to put the system on trial, which was my suggestion, to basically just deny, deny, deny, and. And then see if, you know, if she could get it tossed out. Although then, you know, if they found her guilty of it, then she might have, you know, a harder time, you know, getting it reduced at all. Genevieve said. She did say going in, she was like, I tend to be more of a compromised person. I tend to be more of a, you know, cut the. Cut the torso in half kind of lady. So here's what Genevieve submitted to the court. I respectfully request mitigation regarding the speeding citation I received for traveling 33 and a 25. I take traffic laws and public safety very seriously and strive to be careful and responsible, a careful and responsible driver, as my clean driving record demonstrates, because I rarely travel through Lake Forest Park, I did not know that the arterial speed limits were lower than in surrounding areas, by the way. That's a little bit. That's a little dig. I mean, I think a well placed one because I'm not from around here. I didn't know. Y' all crazy.

[Lisa]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't know that you built speed traps in.

[Luke Burbank]

Exactly. Although I was traveling above the limit, I believe it's clear from the fact my citation was for fewer than 10 miles per hour over that I was not driving recklessly or speeding intentionally. Regardless, I will be more mindful in the future. This was an isolated lapse in Judges. Now, this is the thing, Andrew. Genevieve is not into lying to the court, but the fact that this is the second time that she's been involved in traffic cam situation. Although you were driving in the other one.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Isolated lapse of judgment is. Seems like a slight stretch.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. No, that is interesting. But again and again, she wasn't behind the wheel in the other one. They just sent her the ticket. I don't know why both of our names should be on that car. I don't know why she's getting all the smoke on these things. But yeah, I also like the fact that she. She made sure to stay out of trouble with the grammar police by using fewer instead of less. Above.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Genevieve's nothing if not a phenomenal writer. Regardless, I will be more mindful in the future. This was an isolated lapse in judgment, and I sincerely regret the oversight because I know the importance of driving speed in pedestrian safety, given my otherwise clean driving history and commitment to safe driving. I respectfully add that you consider reducing the penalty or offering leniency in this matter. And then Genevieve writes to you and I, Andrew, all caps. I chose groveling.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, she did. Yes, she did.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, listen, man, that's.

[Andrew Walsh]

That seems smart. That seems like the right approach. But also, I hated reading it.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it's the. I think it's the. Here's the thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Safest approach, probably.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think it's the safest approach because we got emails from people, many people who had gotten out of the same thing by just filing certain. And not even like listener Lisa, where it's some kind of a service. Like, I do tend to think there. This is not as legally open and shut as. As maybe they want us to believe it is by saying it's like a parking ticket. It's attached to the car. You can't. I think it's. I think this is a tough. This is still a tough lift for them to just take pictures of very poor quality pictures of cars and just send out tickets. Again, a private company. So I think there were some ways out of this, but I also think all of those ways out of it involve essentially lying or. Or with. With, you know, omitting information. Basically trying to make it seem like you weren't the person driving or you can't tell them about who was driving or. Etc. When in fact, we all know who was driving. With Genevieve, she was going a little bit too fast based on their local rules. So in a way, I think she's doing the moral thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Which is Copying to what she. We know she did and trying to get. Get a reduction, which I'm sure she'll get some kind of reduction. You know me, I probably would have gone with the less than truthful approach and tried to, you know, Johnny Cochrane my way out of it. But I'll be interested to see how much they knock. What do you, what is your guess on how much they'll knock off the ticket? And it's like not a cheap ticket, right? 165 bucks or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that what it was? Or 100. I feel like there was a 9 and there was 139 or something. Maybe I'm. Maybe I'm just off off. But anyway, for some reason, I have no idea why Luke, but I have a feeling they won't go a full 50%. I think that they will. I think they'll knock 40% off the ticket. Whatever the ticket is, I think they'll mitigate it that much.

[Luke Burbank]

I hope you're right. I really Hope they go 40% because again, this is capitalism. Run a moke. Like, when you're talking about a city, I mean, I guess we're ultimately talking about the city of Lake Forest park, but I feel like when I was younger and you'd get a traffic ticket and you'd go in and talk to the magistrate and not even sometimes in a court, like, there would just be like a place near the library where you'd go and talk to somebody and say like, and they were the magistrate, they would just knock it off. They would knock half of it off because I don't know, these were city streets, they were parking meters. It was like this person didn't get more. They weren't sort of being compensated personally on how much of this they, you know, knocked off, etc. But now we're in this like private prisons, private speed cam municipalities that don't have enough money because nobody wants to pay their taxes. And so, so they, they try to make it up by like hiring securitas to run their speed camera shit. Like, and then you then they just, they just paper people with these tickets and hope they can just get like 10% of them to send in the money or admit to wrongdoing. I'm. I'm just worried that this is just such a, such a money grab already that they're not going to. I think that the rule of thumb should be 50%. If somebody, if a citizen of this country on a misdemeanor like this, on a. And not even this is even technically a moving violation if they're willing to put in the time to say, say, I shouldn't have done this. I'm sorry, I won't do it again. You should get 50% off for that. In my opinion. I feel like in this rapacious, greedy world of these cameras, I think 40%, best case scenario, I'm thinking maybe even only 30% off.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wrote a draft that I thought Genevieve should send in to the court. It just said Attica. Attica, Attica, Attica. And it was in all caps with exclamation points. But Genevieve decided to go a different route.

[Luke Burbank]

Marching in front of the courthouse, just screaming that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that where he's doing that? Or is he on the roof?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, he is doing that.

[Luke Burbank]

It's dog day afternoon.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's dog day afternoon. I feel like. So he. I think most of that takes place in the bank while he's robbing it. And so I think he might yell it. I think he. It's been a while since I've seen the door. I feel like he sticks his head out the door and is yelling. Of the bank and is yelling it to the assembled crowd outside, I think. But again, it's been a. It's been a minute.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Genevieve. As if Genevieve's listening. Can you imagine a Genevieve listening to the show? Be her listening this far into the show?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, if I tell her that we talk about it, she will. She will. She'll hear this. Probably.

[Luke Burbank]

I was gonna say, I. I wish you the absolute best, and I'm very curious to hear how much they knock off of the ticket. I'm hoping it's 90%. I mean, it's a well written letter. It's almost too well written. It's almost. Like I said, it almost seems like it could be chat. GPT.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll tell you what. If you ever want Genevieve to listen to a show, just have her on. Like, if there's a segment that's unrelated to her, just put her on the show later in the show because she will listen to the whole show. That's a little trick.

[Luke Burbank]

This. You know that this was part of our approach to TBTL in the early days and remains so. Which was if someone sends us an email and it's in any way readable, if someone leaves a voicemail and it's in any way playable, we're having them on because. Because we could conceivably put, I don't know, 10,000 people on this show over the course of years, and those are 10,000 people that will think of this as their favorite podcast.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, when you say put them on, you mean you will read or read the email or play the voicemail?

[Luke Burbank]

You weren't reaching out to interact with the content?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

Because I remembered the analogy that I would always use was like, well, one. Well, none. We need to be done with the show. I don't need to go into this. I just remember meeting a local, local TV newscaster, Steve Poole.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And when he was out, you know, doing a news. A weather cast from a weather update from Greenlake, and I, from then on, I was like, well, my favorite weather guy is Steve Pool. Why? Because he was the one weather guy I'd met in real life. I was fascinated with him.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's retail politics.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right, exactly. So. All right, thank you, everyone, for listening to today's episode of tbtl. We are gonna be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. I will be in Houston, Texas. So we'll be. I'll have a whole new set of buildings to look at from outside the hotel, and I'll tell you about all of them tomorrow on the show. In the meantime, have a great Monday, everybody. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. Power out.