#4455 Scott Pelley Vs. The World

Summary

TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live - Episode #4455: Scott Pelley Vs. The World

Release Date: April 29, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh
Podcast Description: TBTL is a daily show hosted by two longtime friends goofing their way through the world the best they can.

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1. Opening Banter and Musical Musings (00:06 - 03:11)

The episode kicks off with the hosts engaging in their trademark playful banter about music. Andrew Walsh expresses his disdain for jazz, to which Luke Burbank passionately defends it as "the most important art form in the 20th century" (00:19). Their humorous exchange sets a lighthearted tone for the episode.

2. TV Show Discussions: John Mulaney and Dive Bars (01:14 - 07:12)

Luke introduces the main topics for the day, highlighting John Mulaney's latest show episodes. He mentions catching up on Mulaney's work, much to the amusement of Andrew, who jokes about being a "verified Yelp complainer" (01:05). The conversation then shifts to the Little Red Hen dive bar in Seattle, where Andrew reminisces about past experiences and the tight-knit, sometimes salty afternoon crowd (05:42).

3. Stereotypes in Sports: Motorcycles and Plumbing (07:12 - 19:22)

A significant portion of the episode delves into the stereotypes surrounding athletes, particularly baseball players like Gorman Thomas, who were known to have off-season jobs as plumbers. Andrew reads an anonymized email from Christopher Hayes at MSNBC Biz, addressing subtle put-downs of plumbers in sports journalism (13:29). The hosts discuss the charm and technical skill associated with plumbing, challenging the negative stereotypes (17:32). They humorously connect this to cultural icons like the Super Mario Brothers, known as plumbers, emphasizing that stereotypes often lack depth and fail to recognize individual merits.

4. Personal Anecdotes: The Faulty Watch Saga (19:22 - 24:54)

Luke shares a personal frustration with a faulty watch he purchased via Instagram. The watch's band broke shortly after arrival, and subsequent issues led to it becoming unreliable and ultimately non-functional (19:12). Andrew empathizes with Luke's predicament, joking about proving the watch's malfunction with a videotape (22:58). This segment blends humor with relatability, highlighting the challenges of online purchases and product reliability.

5. Shout-Outs and Donor Acknowledgments (24:54 - 28:02)

The hosts take a moment to acknowledge and thank their generous donors. Danny Roberts from Surprise, Arizona, is featured prominently, sharing a heartfelt message urging those struggling with substance use disorders to seek help (25:48). The segment underscores the podcast's community-driven support model and the importance of mental health awareness.

6. Costco and Branding Confusions (28:02 - 37:12)

Luke and Andrew explore the intricacies of Costco's Kirkland brand, humorously debunking misconceptions about its association with Grey Goose vodka (28:20). Their discussion touches on business branding strategies, comparing Costco's approach to other retailers like Kroger's QFC and Safeway. They also briefly delve into the history of Castle Rock, tying it to Stephen King's fictional universe and the film studio named after it (32:19).

7. Spotlight on YouTube: Wooden Bong Creator Paul Pearson (35:16 - 38:45)

The hosts examine a peculiar news story about Paul Pearson, an artist from Wooden Bong, New South Wales, Australia, who aims to create "Australia's largest wooden bong" (35:16). Through interviews and media packages, they humorously critique the sensationalism surrounding large-scale novelty projects. The segment highlights the intersection of art, media, and cultural fascination with oversized creations.

8. In-Depth Analysis: 60 Minutes and Scott Pelley's Statement (57:04 - 66:36)

A central focus of the episode is the recent controversy surrounding CBS's "60 Minutes." Luke discusses the resignation of executive producer Bill Owens due to interference from Paramount amid a potential merger with Sky Dance, owned by Larry Ellison's son (58:45). Scott Pelley, the longtime anchor, delivers a powerful statement highlighting the loss of journalistic independence, prompting a deep discussion on media ethics and corporate influence (59:59).

Andrew passionately reflects on Pelley's statement, drawing parallels to broader issues in journalism where corporate interests threaten editorial integrity. They critique the changing landscape of major networks like ESPN, lamenting the shift from in-depth reporting to entertainment-focused content (60:25). The discussion underscores the tension between maintaining journalistic standards and corporate pressures, advocating for the bravery of journalists who uphold truth despite potential repercussions.

9. Reflections on Journalism Ethics and Media Control (66:36 - 73:43)

Continuing their critique, Luke and Andrew delve into the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists today. They debate the balance between professional responsibilities and personal interests, with Luke expressing concerns about speaking out against corporate mandates due to the fear of job loss (71:10). Andrew shares his experiences from past roles, emphasizing the importance of journalistic freedom and the challenges posed by modern media conglomerates.

The hosts emphasize the necessity of independent media voices, drawing attention to the suppression of honest reporting and the manipulation of narratives by powerful entities. They advocate for maintaining ethical standards to preserve the integrity of journalism, highlighting the risks faced by those who stand up against corporate or political pressures.

10. Concluding Thoughts and Future Topics (73:43 - 75:37)

As the episode draws to a close, Luke and Andrew reflect on the importance of maintaining their niche podcast as a space for honest and uninhibited discussions. They joke about keeping listener numbers manageable to preserve their freedom of expression, while also acknowledging the potential conflicts that could arise should the podcast gain broader popularity (73:14).

Andrew emphasizes the need for brave individuals in journalism who can resist external pressures, tying back to their earlier discussions on "60 Minutes." They conclude with humor and camaraderie, teasing future episodes that will explore topics like the potential tipping point with Donald Trump and other pressing cultural issues (75:11).

Notable Quotes

• Luke Burbank (00:19): "Because it's the most important art form in the 20th century."
• Andrew Walsh (00:30): "You fear the lack of rules."
• Danny Roberts (25:48): "You are worthy of a life better than what your addictions offer."
• Scott Pelley (58:45): "He came out and said... [Quotes his statement on resigning and journalistic independence]."

Conclusion

Episode #4455 of TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live offers a rich tapestry of humorous banter, personal anecdotes, and incisive discussions on media ethics and journalism. Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh adeptly balance lighthearted topics with profound critiques of the evolving media landscape, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful commentary. The inclusion of notable quotes and structured sections ensures that even newcomers can engage deeply with the podcast's dynamic content.

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Timestamp references correspond to the transcript provided and indicate the approximate time each discussed segment occurs.

Transcript

[Andrew Walsh]

What is that gloomy racket?

[Luke Burbank]

That's the Human League.

[Andrew Walsh]

That is electro nonsense.

[Luke Burbank]

They're electro pioneers. They invented music.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you aware of the music known as jazz? Are you aware of jazz music? The movement of jazz? Why do you keep going on about jazz?

[Luke Burbank]

Because it's the most important art form in the 20th century.

[Andrew Walsh]

No one listens to jazz.

[Luke Burbank]

I hate jazz.

[Andrew Walsh]

You hate jazz. You fear jazz, huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Shut your mouth.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, you fear judge, don't you?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I don't.

[Andrew Walsh]

You fear the lack of rules.

[Luke Burbank]

No. The lack of boundaries.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, what's happening? The shapes. The chaos. Huh? Scoop up. Don't start scatting. We don't need scat at this point.

[Luke Burbank]

You better stop scouting.

[Andrew Walsh]

Scoot up. Doo ba ba dee ta tbtl. You have no reflexes, your blood tastes like root beer, and some of your bones appear to have vanished.

[Luke Burbank]

This banner has letters on it spell Bon and Void. You see?

[Andrew Walsh]

First we get your attention with the boring stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Then we hit you with the excitement.

[Andrew Walsh]

Bam. Do you have any idea who I am? I'm a verified yelp complainer. Oh, won't somebody please think of the children?

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Hello, good morning and welcome, everyone, to a Tuesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. Chicken jockey. My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host, Spock, Sabotage the System. Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, where it is a wet, rainy morning, which I am.

[Andrew Walsh]

Didn't know you like to get wet, though.

[Luke Burbank]

I went around my yard yesterday afternoon with a big sort of, I guess you'd call it, maybe a canister on my back of. Of weed be gone, but of only the most natural kind. As Andrew said one time, the Toms of Maine. Immediately upon spraying it everywhere, I realized, oh, this is very expensive vinegar. And also they said, don't do it when it's raining. And it wasn't raining yesterday, but then I got up this morning and it did rain, and I don't know if I. If, in the words of Cisco, it was a waste of time to do that, I don't know. We'll monitor the situation here on episode 4455 in a collector series, let the fun begin. To the chagrin of a certain percentage of the TBTL listeners, maybe one person, maybe two people. I caught up on my John Mulaney viewing last night, and it was incredible. We have three television related stories for you today. I love television. I've got to have that thing on 24. 7. I love the Patterson Mulaney. What's been going on at 60 minutes? And then if we have time, what Netflix is doing to fix their subtitle situation. That's all in store on today's episode of the show. But not before we say hi to this young guy. He brought the rock and roll edge to the Eagles, of course, but he's also. I'm an activist and house party enthusiast, along with being the longest running cobra of the show. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

Good morning, Luke. I'm excited to hear this tape that you have dialed up. Last night when you emailed me and said, hey, I'm really excited about this Mulaney tape, did you think that that would encourage me to go and look it up ahead of time or did you?

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely not.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was like, you know what? He'll play it for me tomorrow. I like it when you tell me stories.

[Luke Burbank]

I. At no time did I think this is going to change the course of Andrew's evening.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know that I could have. I mean, you know, I'm interested in that show. I just. I think I was making some late night film food or something like that, and I did not do it. But I wasn't sure if you thought I was coming in here today, you know, ready to talk about.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I was planning on. On revealing it to you and the audience, of course. Yesterday, I think off air, you just mentioned casually that there was a listener who was kind of like, stop talking about. Stop recapping the Mulaney show. And all it takes is one piece of negative feedback for me to lean into it. Completely obsessed. So that's why last night I text you. I was like, I'm really sorry to that listener, but I have to talk to you about.

[Andrew Walsh]

I forgot that you introduced it that way. That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

I know this is the last thing we should be doing, but I can't. I can't keep my truth to myself. I also texted you and Hayes about the open of the. The Mulaney show and, and the theme, which was dinosaurs, or as I once had a geology professor at the UW who called them dinosaurs. Yeah, I thought was interesting.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know if it's because of you telling me that story or just other things in my life, but I never had a problem with the word dinosaur until about three years ago. And then I started saying dinersaur just because I think it's funny. But now I say it that way so much that now I'M having a problem when I say that word. I know we've talked about that phenomenon a lot. It happens to me too much. I didn't know that people were saying supposedly until you told me about that once. And then once you pointed it out, I started hearing it and I thought it was funny. So I would say supposedly to you or Genevieve. And then I find myself going around saying supposedly. That's not the word.

[Luke Burbank]

I've got a problem with motorcycle as motorcycle. From the same kind of phenomenon of saying it. My. There was a. There was a guy who used to hang out at the Little Red Hen by Greenlake. I'm surprised that you aren't more of a. More of a hen daddy. More of a little red hen guy.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hold on. I just wanna. I want to respond to that, but I also just want to let hen daddy.

[Luke Burbank]

So let that breathe.

[Andrew Walsh]

So can when I live closer. When I lived in Roosevelt, we would swing by there sometimes. It's not super practical for me right now as far as getting there.

[Luke Burbank]

Once it's, you know, when it's nighttime and they've got the country western bands going and stuff like that, and the dancing, I don't know if that would be your speed. But just as far as the daytime, if they are in fact open, that is a solid dive bar.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a real dive bar. In fact, that is maybe part of it too. I liked swangling on over there sometimes for like some afternoon beers or something after a walk or something like that.

[Luke Burbank]

4Pm beer as opposed to a 10pm beer.

[Andrew Walsh]

But the thing is, not only does it get like kind of, it does become a bit of a hoot nanny, you know, at night. To their credit, not a lot of hoot nannies in Seattle.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what they're. That's what they're there for.

[Andrew Walsh]

But then even in the afternoon, and you know me, I don't shy away from a dive bar or dive bar, our communities or what have you. But that place, like the afternoon crowd in there is a very rooted and tight, unmovable and tight knit crew that can be a little bit salty at times. Was. I never had any run ins. But it's definitely the type of place where you could literally be sitting at a random stool and somebody just comes in from the outside and saying, you're sitting in my stool type of situation. Again, that has.

[Luke Burbank]

Turn off that Tom Waits, get out of my stool.

[Andrew Walsh]

They don't even let me anywhere near the jukebox there, of course. So.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And also, you know what I'm Remembering, though, the time that I was going there because of where I lived, when it was more convenient, was coming out of the. The pandemic. And I'm just remembering that now, which added another layer of sort of, like, weirdness to.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. You know, I'm laughing because I'm imagining if there was a place that relaxed the rules.

[Andrew Walsh]

Quick.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably the hand. Anyway, my. My first ex wife and I used to go there because we did enjoy the hootenanny life. And there was a guy who used to come in there, but he would always talk about how he rode his motorcycle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

He drove his motorcycle to get there. And so we would always say motors. We just always use the word motorcycle after that. And to this day, I have to. Sometimes, if I'm in polite company, I have to remember it, since the word is not motorcycle.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, let me clean something up here that I just said that I'm embarrassed about, because I know there's a lot of Guthrie heads out there. No, I'm not talking about Woody. I'm talking about Arlo Guthrie heads here.

[Luke Burbank]

Because when you said restaurant aficionados. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

I said. I. You said motorcycle. I said, oh, yeah, from Alice's Restaurant. But no, that's a different song. Probably the most. The second most popular song by Arlo Guthrie was some song like, I don't want a pickle. I just want to ride on my motorcycle.

[Luke Burbank]

And I'll tell you what, maybe that's where that guy got it from.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm not a big fan of that. You know, I think you're not a huge fan of people just trying to make, like, real. Like, really stretching things, stretching reality, just to achieve a rhyme. And that song is a little, you know, no offense again, to the Arlo heads, but that song is a little bit just too goofy for my taste.

[Luke Burbank]

I remember being a kid and having some older kid at my church. This is my memory of it. Some older adult, somebody who I took their opinion on matters to be. To have a lot of validity, said, I'm gonna play you the most incredible piece of music that's ever been recorded. And what they played for me was Alice's Restaurant by Little Guthrie. And I remember thinking, this is the most incredible piece of music I've ever heard in my life.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's the Mids. I mean, listen to the Mids.

[Luke Burbank]

You can get anything you want. Alice's Restaurant.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do remember the long story about.

[Luke Burbank]

Them throwing garbage into a church or something. Is that the plot of the song.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is I believe so. And that was one that I Did not hear. As a very young person, I think I came into it when I was like kind of maybe in high school or maybe young high school, but like kind of getting into 60s music and some folk music and folk rock. I mean, everything from rock to folk rock to. Anyway, one of my very, very, very first radio projects, I did a field report from some Earth Day celebration, I believe, at the Cleveland Zoo, Cleveland Metro Park Zoo or something. And you know, there are a bunch of musicians playing throughout the day. And I remember putting a snarky line in the report, something like everything. They played everything from folk to folk rock to like hometown folk. I can't remember what the third one was. And I remember my teacher kind of like giving me like a little happy check mark next to the script. Anyway, having said all of that. Yeah, that song, it really does get. The first time you hear it, you're like, oh, so this is an 8 minute song about a one single story that gets more and more ridiculous.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Andrew, yeah, this is. This song is called Alice's Restaurant. It's about Alice and the restaurant. But Alice's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant. That's just the name of the song. And that's why I called the song Alice's Restaurant.

[Andrew Walsh]

I remember thinking that was so funny in the 90s.

[Luke Burbank]

That was like so deconstructionist or whatever.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I love the way that you didn't. You didn't play it. So we're not going to get pulled down eventually.

[Luke Burbank]

Arlo Guthrie is a fierce protector. The estate of Arlo Guthrie. Yes. Rest in power. And we still have Arlo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I. I've met Arlo. I don't mean to flex here, Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

No one that you've met could ever die.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know that was a dumb thing.

[Luke Burbank]

To say there, but, hey, listen, I would be.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, he was alive in my lifetime. I don't remember him dying.

[Luke Burbank]

He's doing great. He's 77 years young. Born Coney Island, New York.

[Andrew Walsh]

There was a time in history, I'm just realizing right now, looking at pictures of this, where Arlo Guthrie and the Red Rocker were aging and rocking in a way. Rocking a certain hairstyle and beard in a way that they crossed paths and looked alike for maybe just one beautiful moment, maybe in the early 2000s. Are you seeing these? Kind of.

[Luke Burbank]

Arlo and who. I'm sorry, I was reading about his siblings on Wikipedia.

[Andrew Walsh]

The Red Rock.

[Luke Burbank]

Turns out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Why am I blinking?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, oh, Sammy Hagar.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sammy Hagar.

[Luke Burbank]

I could absolutely see that.

[Andrew Walsh]

This guy looks like a Sammy Hagar. It looks like he's winning a Sammy Hagar competition.

[Luke Burbank]

I would like to point out that, you know, Woody Guthrie, when he wasn't fighting fascism and dealing with obviously his health problems at the end of life, he was really getting jiggy with it. Arlo Guthrie's siblings include Nora Guthrie, Bill Guthrie, Gwen Guthrie, Jody Guthrie, Lorena, Lorena, Lynn Guthrie, Sue Guthrie, and Kathy Guthrie. Get at it, Woody. Get after it, Woody. Man, that's a lot of kids.

[Andrew Walsh]

And one of them became a famous musician like dear old Pa, I bet.

[Luke Burbank]

My guess would be. And I couldn't say anything about any of the other Guthrie kids. I wonder if there are other ones that are also musically inclined. But maybe they just didn't write Alice's Restaurant.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, Alice's Restaurant really took all the air out of the room for all the other Guthrie siblings.

[Luke Burbank]

It set the bar very, very high. And I think probably if I were like a younger Guthrie, I might go into plumbing or something.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know, I. I want to talk about plumbing so bad. Luke. I have had.

[Luke Burbank]

Let's get into it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, the thing is, this is the inappropriate. This is an inappropriate time to bring this up on the show, but it's happening organically and I think it just has to happen now. First of all, I've been distracted for the past 45 seconds or so because I was looking for a picture of Arlo Guthrie that looks a little bit. Just the one that looks like Sammy Haggar, and I sent it to you. That doesn't help the show at all. I'm probably not even.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, you could be a show pick.

[Andrew Walsh]

I guess it could be, but it reminds me of an email that I got that I've been wanting to share with you, and I meant to send it to you.

[Luke Burbank]

He. He. This picture you just sent me. Arlo Guthrie looks like a Fred Armisen character.

[Andrew Walsh]

A Fred. Like Fred Armisen playing or something. Cuz his.

[Luke Burbank]

His hair is not frizzy enough here to be red rocker status in my mind.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I feel really.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it's too long.

[Andrew Walsh]

And yeah, I guess it's not quite as frizzy yet.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like he relaxed it or something. But this. I've never seen him look like this. This is. This is a whole side of our look. Sorry. I'm also eating blueberries because I'm trying to.

[Andrew Walsh]

You and I are not bringing. I'll speak for myself. I'm not bringing my most professional face to TBTL today, I realize.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, let's get serious about it now. What. What do you want to say about plumbing.

[Andrew Walsh]

So I got an email that I am searching all over for and I want the listener to know in case they're listening right now and they are getting nervous like, I'm going to out them because they specifically said, don't bring this up on. He said, you don't have to bring this up explicitly on the show, but maybe just down the line you can sort of maybe give plumbers a little compliment or something and I'll know you've read my email. But here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep this obviously anonymous.

[Luke Burbank]

Right.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I am going to read it. And listener, I hope you trust me with this because I think this is a really interesting email. But. And I don't want to be defensive about it, but I do think that there's some context we can add to this conversation. And it's. This is an email that was sent to us from Christopher Hayes. Okay. At MSNBC Biz.

[Luke Burbank]

No, thank you for anonymizing.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, the reason I said that was because I started to say the name. I. This, this came up because you and I were talking about baseball players like back in the day. And there's old. And there's kind of an old saying that like, you know, these guys were plumbers or looked like plumbers or whatever. And I think we were maybe talking about who's now the new patron saint of tbtl, the mustard guy, Thomas Gorman. Thomas. I think we're talking about him and his, you know, plumber like, mustache from a certain era. We got this email that calling your attention to your subtle plumber put down. Where would we be without plumbers? Where, I ask you, at about 22 into your outside show, crapping in a field. Exactly. Yes, yes. We're talking about Gorman's unattractive traits. Was doing plumbing in the off season. Don't feel like you can't say anything more, but I know you respect guys and gals who hold things together by fixing things and make a living doing that, like plumbing. I know you agree any additional on air reference would only make it worse. So this person is like, seriously, like. And I'm sort of like kind of paraphrasing. As I read here, they're being like, listen, I'm not making a huge deal of this, but as a plumber out there, I was like, ooh, zing, that hurts a little bit. But the thing is, I think.

[Luke Burbank]

So this person is a plumber.

[Andrew Walsh]

I get that impression. Yeah. Like, hey, we're out here. We're plumbers. But there's like historical context to this, don't you think? Like, when people say that. And it is kind of a. I keep on using the word trope incorrectly. I did that yesterday a lot. But it's like a, you know, kind of a saying, an idiom or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's funny because I don't even remember us using the word plumber. We obviously did this person reaction to it because truthfully, when I think of, like, what Gorman Thomas's job would be, it wouldn't be plumber in my mind. Like, he doesn't look like a plumber to me. He looks like a construction guy. But that's different than a plumber guy. I'm just saying in my mind.

[Andrew Walsh]

I could have sworn you said it. I'm going to get up for a second. I think you can still hear me.

[Luke Burbank]

I can.

[Andrew Walsh]

He was rocking this. And I know that you know this. You're the one who pointed out to me, but. Oh, is listener Nigel, who sent this to me, by the way. This. This great. Gorman Thomas.

[Luke Burbank]

What a great photo. The funny part is. Well, I'll let you finish and then we can talk about plumbing. I was just going to say the besmirchment of plumbers.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's sort of like that sort of stereotype is the word I was looking for before. So it only took me a sec, 60 seconds of tap dancing to get to the word stereotype. I think that that stereotype comes from sort of an era when a lot of professional baseball and I think like basketball players too. Right? Like, but like professional. The people who play in the leagues that we now know of as like the MLB and the NBA actually did have second jobs. And there's this sort of thing and it's almost kind of in a way that it was kind of like. So you didn't have these bodies like the 20, 25 pitcher who has like an arsenal of three pitches, but can only move their arm in a certain way without breaking their entire body because it's so specified.

[Luke Burbank]

Kentucky Fried Chicken of athletics.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right. It's like, you know, and in the way the bodies are honed these days, it's funny to think back when people were, you know, whatever, whatever the, like kind of just regular job was the sort of middle America job. Whether it was like you say construction or plumbing, they were those kinds of bodies. And often literally those same people were doing that. And that's kind of why it's kind of that. That that stereotype or trope. Not that like plumbers Are. Are ugly necessarily.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I guess I just take Gorman Thomas's mustache to have. And it's just general appearance to have deep working man vibes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's. And.

[Luke Burbank]

And I think of that. I don't think of that as a negative or a positive. In fact, I think of it as a positive because it's much. It's much more charming. Yeah, there was a lot of NFL players. There was a weird job that a lot of n. Which was delivering beer. For some reason, the beer companies, I guess, because these were big, strong, big, strong fellas. And also the thing about being a plumber in the off season is you kind of have to learn how to be a plumber. Like, that's a. That's a very technical job as well. I know this. Having worked at a plumbing company as a shop person and having no idea what they were doing. Like, there's some real. Some real talent and skill to that. But like, the beer companies love to hire NFL players to deliver beer in the off season back in the day, for some reason, that was one of the jobs. Anyway, all that is to say I. I'm very appreciative of the plumbing trades. And, And. And I don't. I did not mean that as a. As a negative. I meant it, like you said, Andrew, as a. An indication that these players did not. They were not overly precious with themselves in a way that I find actually very charming. And it's why I bought. It's. It's probably why I spent $8 of my own money on some of Gorman Thomas mustard that is currently in my refrigerator.

[Andrew Walsh]

And the other thing is, I do think that plumbers of earlier generations had a certain look that went along with this style of mustach, because, I mean, look. Look at the alcohol.

[Luke Burbank]

Handlebar mustache.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know that the jury's still out for you whether or not they're super or not, but I look at the Super Mario Brothers, and I think there's a reason why they're plumbers as well. Right? Like, because they had those. Those plumbing mustaches. It's just.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's just a look. It's a vibe. It's not an insult. What are you eating there? Are those Raisinets?

[Luke Burbank]

Blueberries.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, blueberries.

[Luke Burbank]

Raisinets. Have you met me? I'm. I'm on a new diet. It's all Raisinets. That would actually be conceivable. I'd be like, I'm. I just saw this Instagram. Speaking of Instagram, boy, I got done dirty by Instagram. For the first time in a long time. Because, you know, I tend to buy things on impulse on Instagram, and usually the results have been sort of fine. Like, I'm always a little surprised when something shows up because a lot of times I'm buying it from a company that I haven't heard of before. It's not like I'm buying it from a major retailer. And it's kind of like my money goes to them and they're somewhere far away, possibly China. And then I'm just trusting they'll mail it to me. And I bought a watch recently that was not particularly expensive. It just looked nice. I'm considering trying to transition off of the Apple watch.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, you were wearing. Can I see your wrist right now? Because you were wearing a handsome watch the other day. I was going to ask you about.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the watch in question.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, okay. Yeah, it looks good on the tv, at least where I. Yeah, it was.

[Luke Burbank]

I was taken with it again. I mean, it was like 100 bucks or something, which is maybe would seem like a lot for a watch, but also not a whole lot compared to how much fancy watches cost. I thought it looked nice. And so first I wanted to buy a vintage watch. And then I thought if I buy a vintage watch, it will probably be breaking a lot. And I don't want to be dealing with the watch going out of time or having to, I don't know, deal with it not. Not working. So I said I want to get something that's newer and reliable that but kind of looks a little bit more vintagey. And I landed on this particular watch. They mail it to me. First of all, it took a long time to get. It took extra long to get here. And then I received it. And then immediately the watch band broke. So then I had to buy. To buy, like, an eyeglass repair kit with really, really tiny little screwdrivers so that I could kind of reassemble the mechanism, the. The thing that held the strap on. So I did that, and then it just kept going out of time. And it's like I reset it last night, and then this morning it was exactly 45 minutes off, and now it's just stopped altogether. And so I sent an email to the people and I was a little. I was a little bummed to see that it's a Gmail account. That doesn't seem great. It doesn't seem very promising.

[Andrew Walsh]

Watch guy at Gmail. Watch guy 78.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

So we will see. I. I had to. I had to. What's been Happening basically is I've been having like a one person battle with this watch. First it was the band was breaking. Then one of the. You know how on a watch band there are sometimes two little rings, two little circles that you slide the other end of the watch band in, if that makes sense. There's like a buckle. Yeah. Little loops. One of those loops just flew off the other day, which made me mad because it was brand new. And then the. While I was on a shoot, the whole. The whole way that the watch band is attached to the watch just came undone. So then I was carrying it around in my pocket.

[Andrew Walsh]

It.

[Luke Burbank]

Then I got that fixed. Like I told you, I ordered. I ordered something to fix that and I did. I was kind of proud of myself. And then it just, it keeps being off by an hour plus and then the date sometimes won't flip over. And then after all this, it just literally stopped this morning. So I'm. When I'm emailing watchguy77mail.com, I'm already like hot. Like, I'm already at an 11 over this because I've had a bunch of run ins with this product. This is the first this person's hearing of it. It. So it's not like I keep complaining to them and they keep not helping me, but it was all I could do to not just be like all caps. You sold me a POS watch. I'm challenging it with my credit card. I didn't do that. I just said, hey, this watch isn't working for me. And then I thought, how do you prove a watch isn't working? So I took a picture of it side by side with my apple watch. My Apple watch keeping the right time and this watch off. Now, I could have just set this watch to be off by an hour. Like, it doesn't really prove anything, but I was hoping it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I thought you were gonna videotape it for like two minutes to show that it's moving slow or something. I say, oh. The reason I say videotape is because I'm young, but I know technically what's.

[Luke Burbank]

The frame of reference for? It's moving slowly. I need something else that's keeping time.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's what I mean. I thought you were taping. I thought you were like, next to my Apple watch.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. And like, I would have actually been a good idea.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, but I think you'd have to roll for quite a bit, several minutes to show that it's. It's lagging. Probably because it was. I mean, it's an analog watch. Right. So it's a little bit hard. Like kind of see precisely the hands moving next to a digital Apple watch.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. So I don't. Again, I don't think I proved anything with the photograph, but it felt like corroborating evidence to me.

[Andrew Walsh]

You put today's newspaper down next to it. Unclear proof of life.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's what Bill Belichick needed to do yesterday, was hold up a new.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. Yeah, that's.

[Luke Burbank]

Boy, that, that, that story's been reverberating, let me tell you. Yeah, there's a great. There's a really great podcast that I actually follow mostly on TikTok, but it's called the Sports Gossip show. And I don't know the names of the two hosts. It's two women, but they are so great. They're really funny. They really know their sports and they really love gossip. And they. They convened an emergency episode of their show to discuss the Belichick situation.

[Andrew Walsh]

Perfect. I gotta check that out. The Sports Gossip Show. I mean, not even just that episode, but just your description of the podcast.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's really good. Also, Katie Nolan has a new podcast that she's doing.

[Andrew Walsh]

Casual something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really good as well. That's the sweet spot for me, is like sports, but like, just drain out 10% of the bro ishness.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

That's the space that I want to be playing.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm looking up just to give it. Oh, it's just called Casuals. Okay. I thought I only had half the name, but it's called Casuals with Katie Nolan.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Would recommend both of those. So we was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle. On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set. Now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready? Ready?

[Luke Burbank]

All right, let's thank some dazzling donors. These are the wonderful, generous people who are voluntarily donating their hard earned money to this program so that it can continue. No money, no funny. I'm not saying there's a lot of funny as it is, but what amount of funny there is, there'd be even less of it if there were no money.

[Andrew Walsh]

No. No Mintrospection. No introspection. I don't know. I really led with the wrong thing there.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I understand what you're doing. You identified the introspection of our show and then you worked backwards.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I worked backwards and I just backed right into a telephone pole.

[Luke Burbank]

No duckets. We say bleep. Its not. And also, let's Just thank Danny Roberts.

[Andrew Walsh]

No cash, no flashes.

[Luke Burbank]

There you go. Who's in Surprise, Arizona? Danny, of course, is one of our many Danny legal representatives who says, this is my annual reminder to the tens. If you are struggling with alcohol use disorder or any kind of substance use disorder, you are worthy of a life better than what your addictions offer. You are not alone. You have a highly hereditary, treatable medical condition. It's not a moral failing. Reach out to someone, please ask for help. You are worth it. Okay, with that heavy out of the way, Danny says, I don't think that's a heavy Danny. I think that's a really nice message for folks, and there's somebody out there who probably needed to hear that today. And the other side of that is a very, very happy thing. So I don't. I don't. I do not agree to the premise. That's a heavy duty thing to say. But here's what Danny also wants to say. I want to thank the trio Bros. John is an absolute delight and a solid addition to the team. I would agree on that. 2024 was an especially awful year for me, but at least I had the privilege of sharing a laugh with y'all every so often. I'm sorry, Danny, that 2024 was a crummy year. I hope 2025 is going a little.

[Andrew Walsh]

Bit better, but shout out for, like, getting the. The frequency of being funny. Right? We were just talking about that. A laugh, you know, every so often. Every so often. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's, you know, scans. We don't. We're not trying to do too much at the plate, Andrew. We're trying to go with the pitch.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

Sometimes we just, you know, we fight off a bunch of pitches and we just try to get deep in the pitch count.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. You're the JP Crawford of podcast.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm considering using a torpedo joke to.

[Andrew Walsh]

See if that helps. You just did.

[Luke Burbank]

Wow. I've only used half my characters. Okay. Shout out to Jackie Justice. Another awesome Esquire. An all around cool lady. We love Jackie justice around here. Shout out to Sarah Miranda and her amazing jewelry business, Magpie Mouse Studios. We love that as well. And now all of a sudden, I feel like I'm winning an award and forgetting to thank everyone. I can't forget Mellie for the wonderful holiday card exchange every year. Tens. I love you all. That's from Danny in Surprise, Arizona. Well, Danny, we love you and we appreciate all of your support for the show over the years, both financial and otherwise. You're the best. Maestro, on your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

On your mark.

[Luke Burbank]

Get set, get set now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Ready? Ready.

[Luke Burbank]

Look who it is. It's Chris Stremlau of Kirkland, Washington, where they make the vodka that's actually Grey Goose.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, do they make it there? I.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably not, but it's Kirkland brand. Sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I gotta let, I gotta get CBS to let me do a story. I want to do the definitive Costco story. I feel like that's between the hot dogs and the rumors about and just the fact that it's named Kirkland. And that was such a. I think I saw an interview with one of the Costco founders saying that. I think what happened was they were calling everything that they made or that they manufactured, they were calling it all Costco brand. But that's a bad From a business standpoint, you want to basically kind of trick people into thinking there's different levels. Like, you have a premium brand.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, I think the one for, like, the Kroger Enterprise, which around here is qfcs. And I always get this confused.

[Luke Burbank]

Albertsons, Are they an Albertson Safeway?

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel like, I feel like QFC and Safeway, I think, because those are the two I go to, although I get those wrong sometimes. Anyway, I think they call their signature. You ever see that, like, signature brand?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, I do.

[Andrew Walsh]

Toasted oats or whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. By the way, Chris's last name is pronounced strem, like stem with an R in it, and Lao, like ow.

[Andrew Walsh]

Charlie.

[Luke Burbank]

That really hurt. I'm proud that I, I mostly got that name right. I think Charlie, it was funny. I was, I was filming stuff this weekend, like I mentioned, over on the east side, not far from Kirkland, and I was talking to one of the folks in wardrobe about one of those, oh, is this real life? Is it David at the dentist or David after the dentist? And it was really interesting because one of the other folks in there, I think maybe it was a hair and makeup woman, just said, like, like, oh, yeah. I said, oh, you haven't seen that. She goes, yeah, it's part of the series of parents humiliating their children for attention. And I was like, oh, I guess that is kind of a good point.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've always wondered if Chris named his show why is this happening after that bit? Because isn't that. I think he did, Charlie. He did. For real. Are you just joking?

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, I think I, I, I do not think that is the case.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's no connection there at all. Maybe that's a dumb question.

[Luke Burbank]

But I was also saying, is this real life? In the video oh, you're.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is this real life? Why is that? No, I think the kid says why is this happening? At some point, does he not? Why is this happening?

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe before that.

[Andrew Walsh]

And because Chris is kind of likes to work in a little pop culture references here and there.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, TBTL reference.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, Well, I mean we did. Are you looking for that? Because I can't believe I don't have it here. Well, I got the. Charlie bit me. I'll play this one quickly. Charlie. Charlie bit me. And that really hurt Johnny. And it's still hurting. Okay. And then here's.

[Luke Burbank]

You got the full. Because all I have is is this real life?

[Andrew Walsh]

Which is why is this happening?

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, look at you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think that's why it's stuck in my head is because I isolated just those two seconds.

[Luke Burbank]

Why is this happening to me? Why is Chris not starting with that tape? My. Anyway, my guest is head of the imf. Starts with this is like a drugged up kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let's get rolling.

[Luke Burbank]

Why is this happening? That would be awesome. Okay, here's what Chris and Kirkland is saying. Hey, my dudes, thanks for being a stable presence in unstable times. Ooh, that's a good idea for a speech.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, it is.

[Luke Burbank]

I should look into that. I would like to shout out to my wife Lisa for humoring me by listening to lots of TBTL while we drive down to visit her parents in Castle Rock, Washington. That's just a hop, skip and a jump from where I am Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, interesting.

[Luke Burbank]

That's where Jerry the brush hogger, the like 80 something year old guy who. I sure hope he's doing well because I'm going to need to call him in a month or two and get this hillside brush hogged back down. But he lives out in Castle Rock.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is it named after the Steven.

[Luke Burbank]

The film studio?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And also like, because Castle Rock before was a film studio, it was the fictional location of a bunch of Stephen King novels. Right. Or stories, I should say. Maybe.

[Luke Burbank]

I did not. I did not know that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think a lot of the stories took place in Castle Rock and then he ended up.

[Luke Burbank]

He then create like a film company.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I think Castle Rock is Stephen King's. And I forgot there was a TV show called Castle Rock. I think it only went two series in and it was a really good. It's about five years ago, maybe a little bit more than that. And it did. One of those things were kind of like took the universe of Stephen King, but it. But it didn't take it too literally. And it was all took place In Castle Rock. It was a really, really good show. I completely forgot about this.

[Luke Burbank]

I also feel like that Castle Rock pictures thing was iconic when we were kids. Right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, I feel that way too. Yeah. Like before a film, you mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's where Chris's in laws are, by the way. And that's where Chris's long suffering wife, wife and he are driving when she's being subjected to tbtl. She and Luke once bro down about names of smallish Southern Washington rivers at an event at KNKX Studios. I remember that conversation. It was like watching two people naming nuts. We probably talked about the. The Cowlitz and the Coiman and the Columbia. This is the Intersect. That's why that place that you and John stayed in a hotel that I. I still don't forgive myself for allowing you both to stay there. That was really.

[Andrew Walsh]

Were there better options? Or maybe I just could have found an Airbnb.

[Luke Burbank]

The McMinimans.

[Andrew Walsh]

You could have stayed. Oh yeah, we should have.

[Luke Burbank]

Probably where you ate. That would have been better. But that's called like Three Rivers Mall because it's the confluence of the Cowlitz Koheman in Colombia. That's probably the kind of stuff I was discussing with Chris's wife. Anyway, in honor of her, can you play the drop? That always makes her laugh or at least roll her eyes when I do my impression of it. The ladies bong from Fiji. Do you have that at the ready, Mr. Walsh?

[Andrew Walsh]

I most certainly do. In fact, I have all of the tape of this guy. I want to make something clear here though, because I'm a little embarrassed. Apparently Castle Rock is not really affiliated with Stephen King, although it was named after his. His fictional town, sort of. It says it was founded by Martin Shafer. Rob Reiner. Oh, of course.

[Luke Burbank]

Rob Reiner, I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know Andrew Scheinman's name. Glenn Padnick, I should say. And it says that Reiner named the company in honor of the fictional main town that serves Stephen King, which in turn took its name after the fictional mountain fort in the Lord of the Flies that was called Castle Rock. I had no idea. Which maybe is why that logo is of that. Of that lighthouse thing. Anyway, that's interesting. So apologies, Chris, for. I just. I can't. Once I realize I said something wrong, I need to clean it up. But yes. So this tape, I don't remember exactly how it landed on our radar, but this guy is. He is a Kiwi. I want to say Luke. His name was Paul Pearson and this was from some news package he was just a character, I guess, and he was making these wooden bombs.

[Luke Burbank]

Did you just, like discover this in the wild? Did somebody send it to you? I think you just said you don't remember how you got this tape.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't. I feel like we were obsessed with it. I feel like it was like a top story that then idea.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

You look up Paul Pearson and I'll play these.

[Luke Burbank]

This one was created from a wooden vase from Fiji. Unsure what type of timber, but it's.

[Andrew Walsh]

A ladies bong for ladies. I also have this one.

[Luke Burbank]

It's my new favorite bong.

[Andrew Walsh]

I wish I could smoke it. And this one about how it's just natural comedy.

[Luke Burbank]

The comedy factor speaks for itself.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's just painfully obvious. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's an unfulfilled prophecy.

[Andrew Walsh]

It just has to be played out. Have you figured out what the news story is?

[Luke Burbank]

No. Because, Andrew, this is unsettling when this happens. When you Google something and it says it looks like there aren't many great matches for your search, it's like you found out where the sidewalk ends. I don't like that. I put in Paul Pearson lady bong, Fiji. And maybe I'm spelling Pearson wrong. I went with P I, E. Oh.

[Andrew Walsh]

I do think it's spelled like P. Like pear, P E A, R. Okay, type in wooden bong. Let's see what happens here. Here we go. Let this man build a huge wooden bong. This is from Vice. Oh, he wanted to make one of those, Hugh. He wanted to make the world's biggest bong. To put it like in the middle of the town he lived in or something like that. And he's standing next to a bong.

[Luke Burbank]

If he's.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's about maybe like 2ft taller than him.

[Luke Burbank]

Can we play? I think this might be a different story involving Paul Pearson.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

It's. This is from the Australian Broadcasting Company. It says artist building gigantic wooden bong in real life for wooden bong, New South Wales, Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right. It was wooden bong.

[Luke Burbank]

So, okay, so is this probably the same story?

[Andrew Walsh]

It's definitely the same story because I have these all slugged as wooden bong.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. So I, I'm. I must have realized this at the time and then, of course, forgotten about it and now I'm re realizing it. But think about this. We went to Australia, and one of the things we were doing was going around to where, like, the giant lobster was. Yeah. And. And we were very obsessed for a while with this Australian obsession with large things. The world's largest ram. The World's largest orange or something. You pull into a town. Was it like Lenny, the. Lenny the Lobster or something? I forget the name. We took a picture in front of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I don't think it was Lenny, but yeah, it was down there in Laramont and that, you know, now I feel bad for.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that wasn't in Laramont. That was down in the south.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, that's right. It was the lobster. 2 Laramo is the thing. Sorry, but the. But yeah, and of course he's Australian. I said that he was from New Zealand. But no, that's why this fits into, like our obsession with Australia and large things.

[Luke Burbank]

He's making a huge bong for wooden bong. I mean, again, I'm sure that we dissected this plenty when we first talked about it, but I'd forgotten that aspect of the story.

[Andrew Walsh]

So do you have the audio there?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I have this audio. I think it's like a produced piece where like a Australian broadcaster is interviewing him. So I don't know what's going to come from this.

[Andrew Walsh]

It might have been where we actually got that. It's Larry the Lobster, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Larry the Lobster. Let me. Let me just play a little bit. Let's just see where this goes. Okay. Veronica and Lewis on Triple J. And there's something pretty incredible that might.

[Andrew Walsh]

Be happening in the northern New South Wales town of Wooden bong. Inspired by the name of the town, one man has a dream of creating Australia's largest wooden bong.

[C]

He's an artist.

[Andrew Walsh]

His name is Paul Pearson and he.

[Luke Burbank]

Joins you right now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello, Paul.

[Luke Burbank]

Good, how are you? Yeah, we're very good.

[Andrew Walsh]

So how big is this bong going.

[Luke Burbank]

To be if it happens? Well, that's all up to the different options of how we go about it. Big structure, like the big merino size or taller. So you're wanting to make like a big tourist attraction, a big item for wooden bong. Yes, a large structure. Great.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because Australia and America are known for.

[Luke Burbank]

Building large structures to rejuvenate dying villages.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it's so comical we would be.

[Luke Burbank]

Silly not to jump on it. All right, he's on the phone. He's not. I don't know. He's not at optimal. What I can only assume is THC consumption.

[Andrew Walsh]

Paul Pearson. He's not at full Pearson, but there's still a way that he talks. There's like this confidence that some people have and often they're kooks. What I need to do is get some of that kooky confidence because it's like, and I can't do the accent, but you hear it a lot in sort of maybe some sort of like, some British affectations maybe a little bit. You hear it here with Paul Pearson a little bit, and it's sort of like. Well, it's the only way it could work, isn't it?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Like, it's like. It's all so obvious. It's right there. And the only way to save this town is to build a giant bong. Am I right?

[Luke Burbank]

I could write a better song than that, Dom.

[Andrew Walsh]

I could write a verse for that song, Don.

[Luke Burbank]

Thanks, Chris.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sorry, Chris.

[Luke Burbank]

Hello, and welcome to New Top Story. All right, Mulaney is at it again now. I feel like this has been a real journey for me as a. A viewer of Everybody's Live with John Mulaney. Like, I believe everyone's live. Did I say Everyone Lies?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no, no. I'm sorry, I interrupted you. I was just trying to make a joke because he doesn't know the name of his own show half that. Oh, yeah. Either he's like, wait, is it Everyone's Live or Everybody's Live?

[Luke Burbank]

But I feel like I. I went, like, pretty hard on the show the last time we discussed it because I was mad that I felt like they were not producing it quite enough and that the awkwardness which they lean into it was too awkward for me. Like, it just. It was. I feel like I was kind of almost writing the show off the last time that we talked about it. But last night, I was here. I had finished spraying my entire yard down in expensive vinegar, and I was making some dinner, and I was like, well, there's no Mariners. There's no Chris Hayes. What does a Burbank do with himself on a Monday night? And so I. I put on the Wednesday edition of last Wednesday's edition of the show, and I have to say, and I texted you this. I feel like they. They have figured the show out somehow. Like, first of all, they started with a disclaimer that was very funny. It just said. Because the topic was gonna be dinosaurs, and it just said disclaimer. The following episode of Everybody's Live will explore several fringe scientific theories. And I thought, huh, the lawyers got to them. And then after that, like, three seconds go by, and then a new title card comes up. Sensitivity warning. The following episode of Every Everybody's Live also features abrupt tonal jumps, continuity errors, and various celebrities not knowing when to speak. These have been known to cause seizures. We encourage you to watch anyway. And I was like, oh, this is really good. They're. They're calling it out. They're calling out, you know what it is, which is oftentimes very awkward. Okay, so. So I thought that this open from John Mulaney was the best one he's done so far. And I think the open is always the strongest part of the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. The one from the week before that we spent a lot of time analyzing was one of my favorite monologues from late night TV ever. It was so good.

[Luke Burbank]

I think this one's really, really good. I've edited it for content and clarity, but just a little bit. But here, just take a listen to something. I also think he actually raises a very interesting point about dinersaurs. What are you calling them again?

[Andrew Walsh]

Dinersaurs.

[Luke Burbank]

Dinosaurs.

[Andrew Walsh]

You nailed it.

[Luke Burbank]

Here we go. This is the.

[C]

Welcome. Welcome, everybody. Hello, Richard.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hello, John.

[C]

Welcome to Everybody's Live. I'm your host. My name is John Mulaney. We are coming to you on Netflix live around the world with no delay. It is 7:02pm in Los Angeles. It is 62 degrees and overcast. Cast, we've got another wild, wonderful show for you in store that will leave audiences asking, why is he like this? I read his Wikipedia. He had a nice, easy life. I just don't get it. As you can see from our beautiful set, this is our Christmas episode.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah. The whole set is Christmased out, except Richard Kind is in front of a giant menorah and there's just fake snow falling in the background in the far back of the set. The entire episode, which was visually. It was like visual asmr for me, it was somehow weirdly comforting, even though it's April.

[C]

Gorgeous, Glamorous. Gorgeous.

[Andrew Walsh]

Glamorous.

[C]

That's right. This show is not on in December. So I decided that this will be our Christmas episode. Now, normally when it's Christmas on Netflix, you see a movie that costs $8 where Vanessa Hudgens falls in love with a small town guy who turns out to be the Duke of England. But we have much more in store for you tonight. Now, if you've seen Everybody's Live, each week we pick a topic for the show. This week's topic was going to be the Pope is still alive.

[Luke Burbank]

That is such a good, solid joke.

[C]

In light of recent events, we had to pivot. So we came up with a new topic for tonight. And that topic is Dinosaurs. A pilot topic. A fun topic. So let's get started. You know when you wake up smiling because you know the Pope is still very much alive?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, sorry. These are the old car.

[Luke Burbank]

I also am. I was hatching a theory last night that maybe they don't let Richard kind in on what the monologue jokes are.

[Andrew Walsh]

Huh?

[Luke Burbank]

Because he is.

[Andrew Walsh]

Maybe he just seems like he's really reacting.

[Luke Burbank]

He seems like he's really reacting. Like he seems genuinely surprised and delighted by the jokes, which I think is if that. If they're doing that, that's a really interesting approach to get a real response from him.

[C]

You might be wondering why isn't the topic on the Christmas show? Christmas? Well, do you talk about Christmas during Christmas? Is that what your life is like?

[Andrew Walsh]

Look.

[C]

But here's what happened. Every week we got closer to figuring out what the deal with this show is. And tonight we're taking an enormous step backward together with Dinosaur Christmas Party. That's right. We've got another episode of Everybody's Live that will leave my wife asking, what have I done? So I was reading a book to my three year old. Well, book. It's made of felt, it has a buckle on it. And the last page is a mirror. And not like a good mirror, like you couldn't do lines off of it. Like a children's book mirror. That's just a shiny piece of silver plastic. Anyway, so this goddamn fabric book. I'm reading it to him and I'm flipping around and one page has these Velcro dinosaurs on it. And you put them above the name. And I'm pointing them out to my toddler son. I go, look, stegosaurus, look. Allosaurus. And I started to get a little creeped out because, like, I'm his main source of information. I'm his most trusted name in news. And I'm telling him, like, these are the dinosaurs. And I started to feel like, and I don't mean this in any kind of like Christian or like, political way, but like, are these things real? They don't sound real. Can we just step back and examine the central premise of dinosaurs? There were a bunch of giant lizards. Some were mean and some were not. And they ruled the world. And then they all died at once. Huh, that sounds like how a lie ends. It's like, oh, I had so many boyfriends at camp this summer. Oh, where are they? Oh, they all live in Canada and they don't have email. Scientists are now like, we believe the dinosaurs were killed 66 million years ago by an asteroid.

[Luke Burbank]

Stop.

[C]

You don't know that. We don't even know how Gene Hackman and his wife died. And we found their whole bodies with full clothes on one week after the Event. How about that? Santa Fe Police, hello. Press conference number 470. We now believe that a rat bit Mrs. Hackman, turning her hands into mummy hands. Just slow down. You don't know what happened. It does feel weird to talk about anything anti science right now. Okay? I don't love it for that reason. Science and anti science is very politicized. Do I think dinosaurs are fake? Absolutely not. Let's set that in stone right now. I believe in them. And you might be thinking, well, John, of course you've seen the bones in the museums. Yeah, I've seen the bones. I've seen. Let me say something about that. There's no way those are put together correctly. You're telling me you found a pile of bones with no directions, and you nailed it? You ever try to put something normal together with directions? You could barely figure that out. You're telling me you need a drawing to know to put a table leg into a table, but you can eyeball how high dinosaur gooch should be above the kneecap. It would be like if you ordered a credenza from Wayfair.com and it showed up in 800 broken pieces, and then you spread those pieces throughout Syria, and then you spend 40 years dusting off credenza pieces, and then you got a pile of them, and you're like, like, can I see the directions? There are no directions. Well, can I see what another credenza looked like?

[Luke Burbank]

No.

[C]

All The Credenzas died 66 million years ago.

[Luke Burbank]

I have to say, I have. You know, we have a lot of scientists in the audience, and I don't want to also seem like I'm being anti science, but I really have just been assuming my whole life that the way that dinosaur bones have been reconstructed is just gospel. And it is, as you think about it, a pretty tall order. Like, we do not generally find a full intact set of dinosaur bones that are ex. Like, you know, they. They fell down, they died, and then they were encased in something, and then we can see exactly how it was laid out. It's. There's a fair amount of guesswork there in some cases, and there are probably some. Some. Some leaps that have to be made, and we just kind of go ahead and. And buy off on that. Now, here's the thing. The guests were great. They were Ayo Edebari, the comedian and actor from the Bear, among other things. It was Conan O'Brien, and it was Tina Fey and Andrew. When I say these people got the show, it was so, so good. I didn't Pull tape from that. Because it was just the general vibe of the conversation, but it was like the theme worked. Dinosaurs is something that at least these three guests could all just kind of like, say some funny, weird riff on. Like, Tina Fey mentioned they. That she's actually on the board for the Natural History Museum of New York as. As is Lorne Michaels. And they named a bug after Lauren Michaels for some reason for being on the board. And that her job is to. I forget, like, her job on the board is basically to secure like, entertainment for the gala or something. Anyway, everyone just had something kind of. Ayo. Edeberry had did this amazingly thoughtful thing where she basically like, like, brought a gift for John Mulaney and she wrote a card for him. But what it was, the card was really long. And it was her just describing why she thinks that the show is so cool, why she thinks that Everybody's Live is such a cool show. And then, of course, Conan was just. Conan. Conan was sort of doing everything that I wanted David Letterman to be able to pull off.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, Letterman was pretty rough. I think Letterman wanted to be game. Yeah, but. And kind of came ready to be sarcastic, but his sarcasm just was falling. Really. It was just falling to the floor dead as it came out of his mouth. Let me ask you a question. Did they. Yeah, I guess they ditched this last week too. They didn't have, like, a normie out there.

[Luke Burbank]

No. And I guess the. If they were being honest, which I think they were, they were being honest. Tina Fey was apparently a last second replacement for Rita Moreno from, like, west side Story and many other programs. And Rita Moreno, I think, was under the weather and so. And so was not able to be there. So, like, I think Tina Fey was like, what a. What a world where Tina Fey is your, you know, your safety school. But it was just like every. Everybody on stage was, oh, there was this other moment where so they had this subplot running where there was like a Santa Claus guy who showed up because it was the Christmas episode, but Richard Kind was convinced that he was there to sell drugs to John Mulaney. And so Richard Kind is like, threatening the Santa. Like, if you mess this. If you get him back on drugs and you mess this up for me, I will effing kill you. And, like, the Santa guy kind of came in. Then I forget Waymo showed up. But then, you know, that like, little robot kind of cooler thing. I forget why Waymo came out, but when Waymo left, it got stuck halfway off the stage and they had to call all these stagehands out, this was not a bit. But what they did that was so genius, whoever was directing the show was. They went wide on it. So while the real show is unfolding and no one's talking about this Waymo thing because they don't even realize it's being documented, they think this is off camera. They were smart enough to show all of these stage hands trying to dislodge the Waymo from some. I keep calling it Waymo. It's same O I think they call it on the show. Basically, like it was like a production shot of what was really happening on the show. And it was so great. It was really funny.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sounds like those CBS producers got their hands on this one, too.

[Luke Burbank]

That's exactly. And weirdly enough, Bill Belichick, partner was over there on the side in the, in the same mode. That was the part I didn't expect.

[Andrew Walsh]

I didn't realize. You know, really quickly going back to that Bill Belichick interview yesterday, because there's still more to say. Honestly, I actually want to go back to something that I heard on Everybody's Live last week. Now that I forgot to ask you during our hour long conversation breakdown of that one episode. But I guess when you and I were talking about that yesterday and I was, I was like very interested in like knowing, like, at what point do the CBS producers and camera folks know to get a wide shot here? Because Jordan, I'm. I, you know, I don't even know. Did we say Jordan's name yesterday? What is her last name?

[Luke Burbank]

I cannot, for. There's something about her last name that it erases itself as it's going into my mind. It starts with a C. I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

I, I feel bad because, like, I think the whole time we just referred to her as Jordan Hudson. I believe Hudson.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that's a C or an H. That's.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, that's not me. I didn't do it.

[Luke Burbank]

I had 1 in 26 chance.

[Andrew Walsh]

It was after the. It was after. They have a 26 sixth letter now. I stopped at 25.

[Luke Burbank]

How many letters are in the Alphabet?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, you're 25. No, you're. No, you're right, you're right. I don't know why I said that joke. It was barely a joke anyway.

[Luke Burbank]

If you had just told me there's 25, I'd be like, that'd be my new reality and I would be going with it. I would 100% have believed you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, 52 weeks in a year. 26. Okay. Anyway, I Kind of was then listening to other podcasts yesterday and I didn't realize what a big conversation it was about, like the journalistic ethics of that. And I know that you're kind of in a position where maybe you can't say too much of it, too much about it. As somebody who does these types of stories for CBS and also talked to some people who were in on some of this decision making. So I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I will just say that like when we had that conversation yesterday, maybe I couldn't push too hard because of your position there, but I kind of didn't realize that that is kind of a big part of this conversation amongst journalists. Like, is that journalistic? Was this, is this something that you've been hearing discussed?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I haven't actually. That's interesting. I mean, I have no issue with.

[Andrew Walsh]

It, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I probably, it's probably hard for me to separate my. From the fact that I know the people who did the interview and I like them. And also I do these kinds of interviews at a much lower level. So I kind of think it's fair game. I mean, my thought is, well, there's two things. One, there's like literally the principle of like reasonable expectation of privacy, which is kind of different, I guess than this, which is just kind of like, did she agree to be on camera or not? You know, she was. So I guess, I guess that's actually a fair question, you know. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And I mean, I don't know, I'm just somebody who, who is on the side of like, we'll tell the story, like, you know what I mean? A sit down interview with somebody can have. So if you have, if you have handlers, and in this case I'm just gonna call her a handler who want so much control over the narrative that you're not really being a journalist, you're just helping this person's story get out there. The same way Michael Jordan produces his own documentaries, only they're using CBS to tell their story and they won't drift off of it and they want to control the message that much. It emboldens me even more as somebody who is, who cares about these things. Let's just put it that way, that you'd say no. If you're going to try to like manipulate us, well then we'll just pull the cameras back and we'll show everything that's going on. You're inserting yourself into this interview.

[Luke Burbank]

That's kind of where I come down on It. But again, I'm too close to it in a way, or too close to the topic to probably be unbiased about it. But, yeah, I mean, like, something they were saying on that sports gossip podcast that I was watching today, was that something we'd kind of mentioned yesterday, which is that, you know, Jordan Hudson is kind of Bill Belichick's PR person now as well.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And. And. And that if there had been an actual PR person there, this probably would have gone very differently. Like, this is an example of, like, probably not. It's probably not a good fit for someone who doesn't have that as their sort of professional background. Like, that this went really badly because their perception was that Jordan Hudson has kind of. Of isolated Bill Belichick from all of the trained professionals who do this kind of stuff. And then absent them, you just have this weird world where it's the two of them doing this interview where she's just hollering things from the sideline, and it's. It's all going like. They zeroed in on the exact same thing we talked about yesterday, which is this meeting, the story of them meeting Bill Belichick and Jordan Hudson, and that that story was widely publicized, that they met on an airplane and that when he was asked about it and then she said, we're not talking about it. That made it seem a lot weirder than it needed to.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly. It was a charming story. The. You told it to me yesterday, by the way. You mentioned this. This sports gossip show podcast twice now. So I wanted to see who hosts it. First of all, I adore this. This has sort of our energy. When you go to the about the hosts page, they both have photos of the two hosts as little girls. Like, one in her basketball jersey and the other one in her. In her inner soccer kit. Like, from, like, I'm going to say they're like, I don't know, between 10 and 12 or something here. And I'm now realizing that one of the hosts is Charlotte Wilder, who I used to know from the Dan LeBatard Show. She is delightful. I'm such a fan. I am adding this. Literally, I'm adding this to my. To my podcast roundup right now because I'm gonna get into this show. It sounds great, and I love Charlotte.

[Luke Burbank]

Everything that I've seen, and again, I've mostly experienced it through clips on, like, TikTok and stuff. Everything I've seen, it's been really, really good stuff. Now, speaking of CBS television, Andrew, and controversy swirling about the Columbia broadcast system, the 60 minutes is the guy in charge of 60 minutes. A guy named Bill Owen stepped down recently, and because he felt that he was not able to really run the show free of meddling from his bosses at Paramount, who are also my bosses. And so they. At the end of 60 Minutes this week, Scott Pelley basically did a little, kind of. Basically a statement about the fact that. That Balon was leaving and the pressure that's being put on 60 minutes. Let me just play you some of this. Okay? Can you.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I mean, it's not that long if you. If you don't have the whole thing.

[Luke Burbank]

Dude, I've got it right here.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, the whole thing is so good.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Here we go. A note on Bill Owens, who until this past week was executive producer of 60 Minutes. He was our boss. Bill was with CBS News nearly 40 years, 26 years at 60 Minutes. He covered the world, covered combat, the White House. His was a quest to open minds, not close them. If you've ever worked hard for a boss because you admired him, then you understand what we've enjoyed here. Bill resigned Tuesday. It was hard on him and hard on us, but he did it for us and you. Stories we pursued for 57 years are often controversial lately. The Israel, Gaza War and the Trump administration. Bill made sure they were accurate and fair. He was tough that way. But our parent company, Paramount, is trying to complete a merger. The Trump administration must approve it. Paramount began to supervise our content in new ways. None of our stories has been blocked. But Bill felt he lost the independence that honest journalism requires. No one here is happy about it. But in resigning, Bill proved one thing. He was the right person to lead 60 minutes all along. Don't you make Scott Pelly cry. Because then I cry that I can't live in a world where Scott Pelley is feeling bad feelings.

[Andrew Walsh]

That was the strongest. Luke, I want to use a word here. I'm not confident. Refudiation. Repudiation. Repudiation. That is the strongest repudiation of everything that's going on in America right now that I have heard so far. And that includes.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's so restrained in a certain way.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's so restrained, but it is so goddamn powerful. And I was like, I heard that for the first time last night. It was funny because they played that entire thing on the LeBatard show. And it was after. I really enjoyed TBTL yesterday. I would like to say, not because I think that you and I'm not patting ourselves on the back. I'm just saying as the person talk with you, about those topics yesterday, I enjoyed our conversations and I've made it very clear I don't care what the listeners think. So as long as I'm happy.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what's that train left the station.

[Andrew Walsh]

A long time ago. No, it was just like, you know, you and I will often like, you know, on Friday, I talked about nothing but my, you know, garbage bins again or whatever, which is also fun. I like talking about our lives. But it had been a while since we just got to chew on some like, kind of like social and media related stuff. And it was after the show, I was like, man, that was just kind of that good. And then I'm listening to Lebatard and they're talking about all the stuff that we talked about. Right. And because their show was on on Monday morning and I'm listening to it later in the day, and then I'm just listening to regular sports radio. And there's so much about the draft and there was so much about Shadur Sanders, and there was so much about Bill Belichick, and there were these huge cultural stories yesterday that were like, crossing the lines between sports and just broad pop culture and stuff. And it was sort of like all my brain was. Was thinking about all day yesterday because there are so many ins and outs and it's so interesting. And then near the end of like the seven hours of Lebitard or whatever they're putting out there with commercials, they play this and I'm like, oh, my God, this is also in the world of media. And it's literally in the world of cbs, which we talked about yesterday. And I was almost a little chagrined that I was like, I didn't know about this. Like, we. This felt so important to me when I heard it on the podcast yesterday. I replayed it a couple of times and I went upstairs and I played it for Genevieve and we both, like, stared at my phone and listened to it. Agreed. She's like, that is so powerful. And I was thinking about it and like, I respect what Cory Booker did with, you know, his platform a while back. That was strong. But, like, there's something about this. Like, Pelly is laying it on the line. Like, he's not saying, like, if you were to talk to a spokesperson at CBS right now and you would say, would any of this Paramount oversight have anything to do with the possible merger? They would say no. They would. They would. They would just say they would deny it. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

But Scott Pelley is not around, for lack of a better word. He's like, this is what happened, this is why Bill resigned. And there's a merger in the making and he directly ties them together and he puts his neck on the line, he puts his job on the line, he puts his reputation on the line. And everybody is so scared. Amazon is being called out by the White House today because of something they want to put on their website. Who do you root for in that one? Right? Nobody. It's. You root for Bane. Like it's just like. And like everybody is so scared of this administration and they keep bending the knee and they keep acquiescing. Probably using that wrong too. Whatever.

[Luke Burbank]

That's correct.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's correct. Thank you. And then the more you acquiesce, the more you lose your power as we're learning. And what's happening is, well, you don't need me to just to continue to scream into the mic about this. Obviously, I'm just like all of us really upset about what's going on on. And to hear just like whatever this was, it was like, I know it's like the last one minute of 60 minutes, but I think it was like 80 seconds right in total or whatever that tape was. No bullshit. I'm laying it out here and it's coming from me and I'm putting my name to it and I'm saying it strongly. And I guess if I, you know, lose my job over this, which I don't think Scott Belly is going to lose his job. If I lose my job over this, well, then at least like I These and I were saying, like, this felt like historic to me. Like did. And I don't know if anyone is gonna stem the tide of any of this bullshit, but I hope history remembers this. If somebody's saying, no, this is clear eyed what's going on right now with this company that I work for and the state of journalism under this administration.

[Luke Burbank]

I think I totally agree with you. And I also, I would. Unfortunately, I would not be surprised to find out that eventually Scott Pelley was pushed to the sideline and then ostracized. Not even by 60 minutes, but by people above 60 minutes. People at Paramount that want to. What they're trying to do is merge with this company called Sky Dance, which is owned by the son of Larry Ellison of Oracle.

[Andrew Walsh]

And because I learned about that around the same time you explained to me what the logo of the Dave Matthews Band is. I always think of like, now I see that logo all over the place. I never knew that it was a Dave Matthews Band logo. It is so weird. To me. And every time I see it, I think sky Dance. Now, for some reason, doesn't it look like a better logo for something called Sky Dance than Dave Matthews?

[Luke Burbank]

Sky Dancing?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Anyway, go ahead.

[Luke Burbank]

But there is, there would have been a time where I thought that it would be overdramatic to say that this is, this could, this could endanger the career of Scott Pelley. But I think it actually could because every norm that we can think of has already been broken and violated at this point. One of them would be like, you should not be fired for honestly and accurately laying out what the corporate forces are that are making it, you know, hard for you to do your journalism. That should not be a fireable offense. But a lot of things that have happened recently should not have happened. So I don't know why that one suddenly, why that norm would be, would be respected when so many other norms haven't been. But I'm with you, that it was a really powerful thing to say and to put on at the end of the show. And I do think, I do think that, like, that it's a very brave thing, believe it or not, for everybody at 60 minutes to do, because they are, they're putting a enormous, enormous target on their back now, not just from the Trump administration, but from again, again, they're bosses, because if now this merger doesn't go through, they're going to be in trouble over this potentially. And again, he did it all in one minute. We have done, let's say it's 4,455. We've done maybe 5,000 hours of broadcasting, have not said anything that meaningful in 5,000 hours. He did it in one minute.

[Andrew Walsh]

And again, you know more about this, just about the production that goes into something like this. Not that you work for 60 minutes, but generally speaking. And I don't want to put you on the spot, but so I won't, I'll try not to ask you questions about this, but I will just sort of say it makes me wonder, like, the process that it took to get this to air because he's not free. He's not freelancing here. He's reading off of a teleprompter, right? Like somebody, somebody put that, I mean, you say, like, he could get sidelined. I think about all of the brave people who must have been in this chain to make this happen because somebody somewhere said, no, no, you're not running with that. And other people said, yes, we are.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, do you want to know an example of something similar? Is the Belichick story. There were people that were trying to take parts of that script out at the highest level of, guess what? CBS Sports, because they did not want to accidentally piss off Robert Kraft and endanger somehow their NFL coverage. So there was. Was. And luckily, the Sunday morning folks stood firm and said, no, we're going to put the stuff in the story that we think is relevant to the story and not worry about downstream effects on our football contract. But that was a real conversation that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Happened because people who have power and, you know, and whether you're talking about coaches, players, owners, as everybody sort of kind of creates their own media power too, it's just shifting everything. And also, like, I mean, now we're. Now I'm spinning out here. But, like, that was kind of what. That was kind of the problem as ESPN started as something that covered sports and believe it or not, sports coverage, news coverage of what happens in sports can be and often is very important, especially as it bleeds out into social issues and issues of whether it's abuse or CTE or like, really, really serious issues. Well, ESPN used to be more of a newsroom that could. With journalists that could cover these important sports stories. Now ESPN is a broadcaster of sports and, you know, and a producer of shows where everybod can kind of get mad at each other and yell and have their hot takes, but at the end of the day, you don't mess around with the product. Right, Exactly. So, anyway, I obviously feel strongly about these things, and I don't really have a power out here, but, yeah, that what you just said about CBS and CBS sports is so chilling. And you need these brave people on the front lines. And if they continue to sideline the people, which often happens, they'll continue to sideline the people who are more and more senior and experienced in the ways of journalism. And it's no offense to the young, younger generations, but they're coming up in a different, you know, sort of environment here, and they're gonna have less power to stand up to bosses who are going to try to control the message more in order to save their, you know, financial interests.

[Luke Burbank]

And, you know, I have to be honest. Like, if I was, you know, if I was presented with a decision related to a story that was like, I. What I want to say is this. I understand when people who have mortgages and kids in school and stuff make a decision about not losing their job. And it's not. Maybe the journalistically, maybe it's not the best decision journalistically, but it's the decision that will disrupt their Life the least or will mean that they can continue to, you know, live in their home that they live in, stuff like that. Like, I don't even blame people because I think about this. If I had a story. And again, I don't do anything that's that important, thankfully. But if I did and it was like, take this thing out of your peace piece or potentially don't have your job, I would probably take it out of the piece. I wish I was more of a Spartacus. I wish I had a stronger kind of moral compass. But I think if it was like. I mean, I don't know. I haven't faced that, and I haven't done anything important enough that anyone's ever come to me and said, you should take this out. But I just. I guess I don't know how I would respond. I would like to think that I would Scott Pelly it, but I just don't know because I also would like to continue this remodeling project on my house. And Walt ain't working for cheap.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's what I hear.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I don't know. It's easy for me to say because I'm not in the same position. And also, I don't have kids either. Like, you say that. And, you know, I guess it gets a little bit. Maybe harder as I get older, but certainly. I mean, I've never been in a position where anybody has told me not to say something. And that speaks to the kind of jobs I've had. I've mostly been producers or a producer in various aspects. But, you know, I remember even having this thought when I was at Cairo. And again, I'm. I mean, I hesitate to bring this up because it sounds like I'm inflating my importance, but I was a man who had three hours of airtime that they gave a microphone to. I could say what I wanted. I know there were times, and I certainly was not kind of in line with probably the mainstream listener of Cairo radio even at the time, which I think has gotten even considerably more conservative now, I would guess. But, like, you know, I know that a lot of my listeners did not agree with me on a lot of things. And I know that the people in positions of power and sales at Cairo really wish there would have been somebody in the time slot who would have been maybe more in line with more kind of like a mainstream political outlook. And also, not even joking, like, frankly, better at the job there and wanting some smooth operator like Jason Rance who could go up to the sales department and Shake hands and make deals and be better, a better broadcaster or whatever. But I do remember, for all of my insecurities of doing that night show, which was sometimes really goofy, but sometimes we did have to talk about important issues. Like, I literally remember saying, like, I will never not say something because somebody, you know, aside from breaking FCC rules or whatever, like, I would take any advice on improving my skill, but I certainly would just. I would have walked away if somebody said, you can't have this take. Now, again, that's different than being Scott Pelley. I mean, slightly. It's like slightly different. But I do. I feel pretty strong. I don't know. I feel pretty strongly about. About that stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

I do, too. It helps that I. On this show with you, I feel like we are operating in such a niche environment. I'm probably a lot more brave on this show at my takes and talking about things because I think there's a limited chance it will get back to anyone who would come for me or us or. You know what I mean? Which is good. So that's why we need to keep with the donation model for this show. We need to keep this show to about, I don't know, the three or four thousand people who like it and who don't it and keep it as a closed circuit. So then I can just talk about anything I want. And if this show were to get really popular, if it were to be as popular as, like, the. The sports gossip show or something else, we'd have some real problems because then I would probably have to. I'd have to really start to tone down my rhetoric.

[Andrew Walsh]

Are you being serious? What is your rhetoric?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I'm joking. I'm.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm. And that's when you know it's a good joke. You have to clarify.

[Andrew Walsh]

I thought you were being serious for a second, that you might.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm being half serious. The part of me that's being serious is I probably do say a lot of things on this show about, like, CBS or other places that I do job stuff, you know, certain large software concerns. I probably say a bunch of stuff on this show to you that if the wrong people heard it, they could be a little bit miffed.

[Andrew Walsh]

Not because of your takes, but just because of, like, ooh, that was. That was a conversation that we were having in private.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, like me saying that, like, when I went to Seth MacFarlane's house, I felt a deep sense of ennui because it seemed like an inherently lonely place. Yeah, that's not. That's not going to be in the CBS story. And I'm guessing that the people that are doing PR for his Frank Sinatra CD would not like that to be the, the beginning of the story about the Frank Sinatra cd, you know? Yeah, so. So I, I do say a lot of stuff on this show that if it were more, if more people were hearing it, it could kind of be probably a problem for me. But luckily, the exact right amount of people are hearing it.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's right.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not a problem for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

You have the hot takes and I have the poll. I keep the listener numbers. I keep the listener numbers. Very manageable. It's my, my contribution to the show.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, we should probably go ahead and wrap it up for the day. If you feel good about that.

[Andrew Walsh]

I feel good about that. I feel like I was yelling a lot. Sorry about that.

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't think you were yelling. I thought you were making some good points. And I like that passion. I like, I like the passion of you texting me at 10 o'clock night going, we should talk about this tomorrow.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah, I thought. I just can't say enough good things about, about that. About what he said there.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Oh, the music playing. I need to stop. I was listening. I was listening. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. I already have what I want to start off with tomorrow. And it involves maybe a tipping point happening with Trump. So we'll do that tomorrow.

[Andrew Walsh]

I've been here before. Keep. Turn that music down. I've been here before.

[Luke Burbank]

Where's Halle Berry? That's an Adrian Brody joke. All right, we'll be back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourselves. And please remember, remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all.

[Luke Burbank]

The comedy factor speaks for itself.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's just painfully obvious.

[Luke Burbank]

It's an unfulfilled prophecy.

[Andrew Walsh]

It just has to be played out. Power out.