#4523 The Dankest Generation

Summary

TBTL Podcast Episode #4523: "The Dankest Generation" – A Detailed Summary

Release Date: August 1, 2025

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1. Introduction and Setting

In episode #4523 titled "The Dankest Generation," hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh dive into a blend of personal anecdotes, media commentary, and relatable humor. Recorded from the picturesque South Waterfront neighborhood of Portland, Oregon, the hosts set the stage for an engaging conversation filled with their trademark camaraderie.

2. Travel to Salt Lake City and Livewire Cancellation

Luke begins by recounting his recent trip to Salt Lake City Airport, where he attended a reception with a local radio station. During this event, Luke was unexpectedly informed that his radio show, "Livewire," had been removed from the station's lineup—a decision he was previously unaware of.

Luke [05:03]: "I was chatting with the program director from the Salt Lake station before the show, and then somebody's asking about Livewire during this very public Q and A, and I'm, like, blissfully unaware."

The conversation delves into the complexities of public radio funding, particularly the role of carriage fees and the economic decisions that lead stations to prioritize NPR’s cost-free weekend programming over independently distributed shows like theirs.

Luke [08:17]: "So you guys are not one of the weekend programs offered by NPR. You guys are distributed differently."

Andrew adds context about their distribution through PRX (Public Radio Exchange), highlighting the challenges smaller shows face in securing airtime against established NPR favorites.

3. Airport Art and People Movers

Shifting gears, Luke and Andrew explore the aesthetic and functional aspects of airport infrastructure. Luke praises the Salt Lake City Airport's art installations and the intricate "people movers" systems—automated trams designed to transport passengers efficiently across vast terminals.

Andrew [14:48]: "Especially in that case because like, first of all, there's already assigned to another thing. But aside from that, I just think that people mover is just such a dumb way to describe anything."

The discussion touches on the confusion surrounding terminology, with Andrew expressing a preference for "moving sidewalks" over the corporate-sounding "people movers."

4. Recounting TSA Security Experience

A significant portion of the episode centers on Luke’s fraught experience with TSA security protocols at Salt Lake City Airport. He humorously critiques the inefficiencies and demeaning aspects of the security process, particularly the use of backscatter machines.

Luke [30:42]: "You got to be fucking kidding me."

He describes the frustrating ordeal of navigating the automated bin system and the invasive nature of TSA searches, all while trying to maintain composure. Andrew empathizes, sharing his own exasperating encounters and emphasizing the need for better communication and humanity within security procedures.

Andrew [32:24]: "We live in a failing capitalist society that cannot and should not last. But as long as you're not looking at them as you say."

The hosts blend humor with genuine frustration, highlighting the common traveler’s dilemma of balancing security measures with personal dignity.

5. Brain Rot and Online Viral Reactions

Towards the latter part of the episode, Luke discusses the phenomenon of "Brain rot," a niche corner of the internet obsessed with distorted and meme-ified content. He references a CBS Sunday Morning segment he did on the National Mustard Museum, which had been repackaged and gone viral within this community.

Luke [52:59]: "I have this... a crudely drawn little sad stick figure guy holding some mustard while Kendrick Lamar leers at him. I assume that's a DJ Mustard reference."

Andrew elaborates on the bewildering array of comments and memes that engulfed the original piece, ranging from obscure pop culture references to cryptic numerical puzzles.

Andrew [54:46]: "It's like a crudely drawn little sad stick figure guy holding some mustard while Kendrick Lamar leers at him. I assume that's a DJ Mustard reference."

The conversation underscores the unpredictability of viral content and the sometimes baffling logic of internet meme culture.

6. Conclusion

In wrapping up, Luke and Andrew reflect on the episode's discussions, reaffirming their appreciation for intricate inside jokes and their unique rapport with listeners who are "in on the joke." They express enthusiasm for continuing these conversations in future episodes, inviting listeners to join them in navigating the "too beautiful to live" moments of life.

Luke [59:13]: "We sure do. And yet, Andrew, you are going to see your CBS pieces get somehow weird and modified and mangled and distorted in some sort of a weird... brain rot way."

The episode concludes on a lighthearted note, with the hosts encouraging their audience to enjoy their weekend and stay safe.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Luke [05:03]: "I was chatting with the program director from the Salt Lake station before the show, and then somebody's asking about Livewire during this very public Q and A, and I'm, like, blissfully unaware."

• Andrew [14:48]: "Especially in that case because like, first of all, there's already assigned to another thing. But aside from that, I just think that people mover is just such a dumb way to describe anything."

• Luke [30:42]: "You got to be fucking kidding me."

• Andrew [32:24]: "We live in a failing capitalist society that cannot and should not last. But as long as you're not looking at them as you say."

• Luke [52:59]: "I have this... a crudely drawn little sad stick figure guy holding some mustard while Kendrick Lamar leers at him. I assume that's a DJ Mustard reference."

• Andrew [54:46]: "It's like a crudely drawn little sad stick figure guy holding some mustard while Kendrick Lamar leers at him. I assume that's a DJ Mustard reference."

• Luke [59:13]: "We sure do. And yet, Andrew, you are going to see your CBS pieces get somehow weird and modified and mangled and distorted in some sort of a weird... brain rot way."

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Key Takeaways:

• Public Radio Dynamics: The episode sheds light on the financial and administrative challenges faced by independent radio shows in the public broadcasting landscape.

• Airport Experiences: Luke and Andrew provide a candid and humorous critique of modern airport infrastructure and security protocols, resonating with frequent travelers.

• Internet Meme Culture: The discussion on "Brain rot" offers insight into how conventional media content can be transformed and consumed in unexpected ways within online communities.

• Host Rapport: The natural chemistry between Luke and Andrew enhances the episode, making complex and mundane topics entertaining and relatable.

This comprehensive summary captures the essence of "The Dankest Generation," offering listeners a window into the multifaceted conversations that make TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live a cherished daily show.

Transcript

[Tim Heidecker]

Hi, friends. I'm Tim Heidecker, here with my good friend Eric Wareheim, here to tell you about an exciting new product from Synco Technology. That's right, Tim.

[Eric Wareheim]

It's called the Internet.

[Tim Heidecker]

And it's a fresh new way to check out sites, buy clothing and surf music. And it's all located on this tiny CD rom? You bet, Eric.

[Eric Wareheim]

You know, my favorite thing about the.

[Tim Heidecker]

Internet is that it's 100% secure. Wait a second, Tim. What about all my E worms and my email viruses? Well, Eric, you can kiss your E virus problems goodbye because the entire Internet is located on this. This CD rom. You're not connected to anything, so no one can connect to you. Well, Eric, you know I'm a music nut, okay? And that's why I love the Internet, because it features nettunes with over 100 songs available. It's the perfect music choice for me. Tim, let me stop you there. I already see a problem. My wife likes rock music, and I love country. How can one CD ROM contain enough music for both of us to be satisfied? I've heard it a million times before. The music on this CD almost feels limitless. The Internet. Hey, Tim. What are you up to? I'm just chatting with one of my friends here. But you're not connected to the web. How's this working? Well, the Internet offers me up to five unique avatars that I could chat with virtually any time of day. Who are you talking to right now? Well, this is Professor Hensley. Do you think I could ask him a question? Fire away, Professor.

[Eric Wareheim]

How are you today?

[Tim Heidecker]

He says, fine.

[Eric Wareheim]

T, T, B, T, L.

[Tim Heidecker]

Guess what.

[Eric Wareheim]

Day it Guess what day it is. It's Friday. Friday Gonna get down on Friday Everybody's looking forward to the weekend.

[Tim Heidecker]

I feel a real need to express something, but I don't know what it is I want to express or how to express it.

[Eric Wareheim]

Oh, I see.

[Tim Heidecker]

Dirty monkey not okay, but dirty monkey dance.

[Eric Wareheim]

I know people say, I'll fill up.

[Tim Heidecker]

But you have no idea how my body processes soup.

[Eric Wareheim]

And boom goes the dynamite.

[Tim Heidecker]

All right, that.

[Eric Wareheim]

Gotta run.

[Tim Heidecker]

See you on the flippy. Well, all right. Hello, good morning, and welcome, everyone, to a Friday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live. How do we have this?

[Eric Wareheim]

Like nobody made this.

[Tim Heidecker]

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host.

[Eric Wareheim]

I like turtles.

[Tim Heidecker]

Coming to you today from the south waterfront neighborhood of Portland, Oregon. Oh, Ma Pa. It's just beautiful from the banks of the the Willamette River. We are bringing you episode 4523 in a collector series. Let the fun begin. I. I mean like within the last 45 minutes. Landed at the airport in Portland and then rushed right on over here to Becca's to bring you this episode. But while passing through the airport in Salt Lake City, I did have something confiscated by the tsm.

[Eric Wareheim]

You gotta be kidding me.

[Tim Heidecker]

And it's something anybody could have seen coming. I also found out this morning that I have finally made it over to the side of the Internet known as Brain rot. Welcome to the Internet. Although I'm still a little bit unclear on what brain rot exactly means. Huh. So we'll talk about that. And of course we will talk to this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. Maybe best known for his depictions of the tall ships. You're still doing a podcard? He sure is. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Eric Wareheim]

Good morning, Luke. So you took, you took an early morning flight. Oh, that's right. It's not a very. You said it's about a 90 minute flight or something from. Were you in Salt Lake City?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes.

[Eric Wareheim]

It's pretty quick.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, like hour and a half.

[Eric Wareheim]

So still though, you must had to get up pretty early to be in Portland rolling this morning? No.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, but you know, it was. Wait, wait, wraps up at a semi reasonable hour. Although we did have a. We had a reception with the local station there in Salt Lake City, which they asked us to attend. And that was really fun. It was nice to chat with people until. This also was fun, but for a moment, potentially awkward. I was chatting with the person in Salt Lake City who was responsible for taking my other radio show, Livewire, off of the station in Salt Lake City.

[Eric Wareheim]

Oh, they were. What did the program director, Cairo tell you years ago where they were making some adjustments to the schedule. Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

And I said, well, what were the other adjustments? Nothing, we're just taking Livewire off. That's actually not true. What happened was I was so I was there. I was. People kept coming up to me and talking to me about Livewire. In fact, somebody asked a question from the audience. This was in this massive auditorium in Salt Lake City that was sold out. We do a question and answer after the show and somebody actually asked me. They were like, I'm from Portland. I used to be from Portland. I love Livewire. Are you ever going to do it live down here? And I said, yeah, maybe we've done it here before. Maybe we'll do it again. So there was a weird amount of Livewire chatter Happening, considering we were all there to do this other job.

[Eric Wareheim]

That was during a public Q and A at the end of. Wait, Wait. It must have been hard for you to not say, well, we're no longer on the air here.

[Tim Heidecker]

I didn't know we weren't on the air.

[Eric Wareheim]

Oh, this is new information to you?

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes. I am not what they call a details guy.

[Eric Wareheim]

Oh, okay. Okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

So I don't really know where we are and are not on the radio except for a few places. I know what's going on in Portland and Seattle, and we got added in New York. That was cool. I hope we're on in Minnesota, because we're gonna be at the Fitzgerald theater on the 26th. It's a Friday night. We'll be there with some special guests. But anyway, so I didn't know this. So I'm chatting with the program director from the Salt Lake station before the show, and then somebody's asking about Livewire during this very public Q and A, and I'm, like, blissfully unaware. And then when we're at the reception, a number of people are coming up and saying, oh, we're big Livewire fans. Like, what happened to it? I was like, I don't know. You tell me. And they're like, yeah, I think if you're. And then somebody from the station, they.

[Eric Wareheim]

Were a fan of the previous host is what they meant 15 years ago. Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

They were like, what's Courtney Hamas?

[Eric Wareheim]

I wish I could have remembered her name. What happened? I don't know. They just slotted me in here.

[Tim Heidecker]

So then somebody who I was talking to who was at the station, like, worked for the station, said, oh, I came to the last time you did Livewire here in Salt Lake City. And I said, oh, that was a fun night. They said, yeah, it was cool. Too bad you're not on the station anymore. And that was the first that I learned this after we'd just taken this big group photo. And I said, oh, really? I go, well, maybe I can. I go, maybe I can talk whoever made that decision into, like, reversing it and. Or just, like, considering putting us back on. And she goes, well, you know whose call that was? And then she points across the room to the person I've been talking to.

[Eric Wareheim]

Intermittently all night about Livewire stuff, too.

[Tim Heidecker]

Just about Radio Livewire. We both used to work at npr. Just, like, it was all a very pleasant chat. And then, I swear to God, she points at this person, and that person does the move. Like, that person realized that I had now learned that we were no longer on the air on the radio station and that she was the person who had taken us off of the station. And she literally did a move where I looked across the room at her and she tried to hide behind a post.

[Eric Wareheim]

I know that move.

[Tim Heidecker]

She wanted to disappear. But I mean, of course, I don't take any of this kind of stuff personally. It's economics. And in fact, the issue was that this is so, so in the weeds of how public radio works. But maybe this is interesting to, like, four people out there. You know, you, these, the stations, if they're going to air a show like our show, they, they pay money for. It's called a carriage fee. And that's, of course, important for us being able to keep doing our show. But there are different kinds of deals and economics and structures with these things. And one of them is if you already paying National Public Radio a bunch of money so that you can run their shows like Morning Edition and All Things Considered, What NPR does is they just throw in all their weekend programming for free, or at least a lot of it. So you're already paying for it. So if you're a program director and you could run Livewire and it costs you x thousands of dollars a year, or you could run a different, probably pretty good show from NPR that costs you $0 a year, it's a pretty strong in these, in these, you know, complicated times for these stations. It's, it's not a hard decision to make.

[Eric Wareheim]

No. And just to be very clear, and this is implied, but be very clear, you are not one of the weekend programs offered by npr. You guys are distributed differently. Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes, we are distributed by prx, the Public Radio Exchange. And so, yeah, so it's like a show that costs you a bunch of money or even some money or a show that cost you no money. And, you know, it's, it's a pretty obvious decision for a lot of these folks, I mean, who are just making the decisions that are, they hope the best for their particular station. But it was just funny because, like, I really, what I was trying very hard to impress upon this person that, like, I, I don't take any of this personally. I am not like the person who.

[Eric Wareheim]

Broke the news to you or eventually.

[Tim Heidecker]

I took it very personally that they broke the news to me.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah. So later on, you did talk to the person who was hiding behind the mailbox that suddenly showed up in the middle of the ballroom.

[Tim Heidecker]

That person is the program director of the station who took us off the air. And I did talk to that person extensively, we might get Livewire back on.

[Eric Wareheim]

So you did so because you said you were talking before the show, you're chatting with them, and then you did have a moment where you got to talk with them after you had. After the scales were off, the eyes.

[Tim Heidecker]

Exactly. Once I had reached full awareness of the situation. Which they were very sheepish about.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

They were like, this is. Because then I. Well, then I was talking to him. I think I said something like, well, you're probably not even the person who actually canceled the show. And they said, oh, no, I was.

[Eric Wareheim]

You're trying to give them.

[Tim Heidecker]

I was trying to give them a little cover.

[Eric Wareheim]

But they're honest. They're public radio people.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. No good. And good people at that. So anyway, it was like, all of that is to say it was a very fun night. I had a nice time talking with everyone, and then. And then I just headed back to the hotel, and then I. I conked out. I will tell you, there is nothing less restful than the last hour of sleep before your alarm goes off when you have an early morning flight. You know what I'm talking about?

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah. Like, because you're just anxious about getting.

[Tim Heidecker]

You just. You're just not like, I think I set my alarm for 5:30 and it's like from 4:30 to 5:30, it's just like, you're not sleeping. You're, like, kind of awake. You're looking at the alarm, you're double checking. You're like, kind of. You're in a state of anxiety that is anathema to good restful sleep. So that was. That kind of wasn't the greatest, but the flight was generally a piece of cake. I'll tell you where I ran into some trouble, my friend. The TSA at Salt Lake City Airport. Salt Lake City Airport is beautiful like it is. It is probably the nicest airport I've ever been in, in my life in terms of the building and the art, the public art that's in there. I think that it was. Somebody was telling me it was just recently, like, totally renovated and like, they had the Olympics a while ago. They're going to have the Winter Olympics again in like 10 years or something. So I think they take their airport pretty seriously. It has some really great public art. It has this. Have you ever been. Have you flown through o' Hare many times in your life?

[Eric Wareheim]

I've flown through there, but not enough to, like, have a sense of that airport versus another one.

[Tim Heidecker]

There's this really great installation in o' Hare that I Think the folks at Salt Lake City kind of echoed, which is in o'. Hare, it's. If you're going. I think if you're flying United, you have to. From the main. Where the security is, to get out to where the United planes are, you have to walk through this very long underground tunnel. I guess you're probably walking under the Runway or something. And they have these neon. Long neon lights that run the length of this, and they have this kind of sort of pattern of light that they light up and they turn off, and it's this very visually beautiful thing. And they play Rhapsody in Blue, so.

[Eric Wareheim]

It feels clean and like a nice experience down there. It's not a tunnel that's been around for a long time that feels like.

[Tim Heidecker]

It'S not grungy at all. And on the ceiling, so it's right above you, you have this very interesting kind of art installation that's visually interesting and beautiful. And then there's something about playing Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue, which I think also was United Airlines, you know, like, that was their. In all of their commercials for many years. So I've always really liked that thing. I don't fly United much out of o'. Hare, but this is something very similar in Salt Lake City, where you have to go on this long underground tunnel. And the same thing with all these beautiful kind of blue. I think it might be called the river is the name for it, somebody told me last night. But it has three different sections. Each section has different music playing. And when I landed and I was walking through, the first section I was in was some very beautiful classical music, which I found very soothing. And then as I reached the middle point, it was playing I've Been Everywhere by Johnny Cash. And then as I got to the end, it was playing a Sylvan Esso song. Are you familiar with Sylvan Esso?

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah, I know. I know the name. Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

Just kind of real vibey music, but, like, kind of modern. Anyway, it was beautiful. So I'm. I'm a fan of a lot of things about this airport. Although it is gargantuan. Like, you know me, I love the steps I probably walked from when I checked into the airflow, went through security. That's not even true. From when I physically stepped into the airport to when I was standing at Gate B9 for my Alaska Airlines flight, I easily covered over a mile of walking.

[Eric Wareheim]

You know, I wanted to ask you a question about both of these tunnels, which sound right up my alley. And I have not. I'm not familiar well, let's be careful. I did. I have a question about both of them that is related to steps do first, quick caveat. I know they're officially called people movers. I'm going to say this once in my life on the show. I know they're called people movers. I do not like that term moving sidewalk. Sounds immature, but I like it so much more. So I want everybody to know this is, this is me like making the choice to say Reese's PCs. Don't correct me on that and don't correct me on people mover. Let me give you sidewalk.

[Tim Heidecker]

Let me give you a little bit more backup on that too.

[Eric Wareheim]

Thank you.

[Tim Heidecker]

They are putting something in lax. So soon. Lax, you will not be able to drive your car into the facility of Los Angeles International Airport. You will have to stop like way far outside and then get dropped off at some sort of a. What we would call like a shuttle or a tram or whatever.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

You know what they call it in la? A people mover. And it's so confusing. They're like, well, when the people movers done. And I'm like, are you going to have. And I'm imagining what you would call a moving sidewalk, right?

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

And I'm like, we're all going to get on a moving sidewalk that takes us all the way out to Sepulveda. Like this moving sidewalk is going to take us a mile out. And I was hearing this from people forever and then finally I learned, no, they just mean a tram or a thing that we've all gotten in a million times. You know, like it's, it's probably like a monorail thing. It's sitting on one of those, you know, on a monorail and it goes around. And this is very normal in a lot of airports. Somehow in LA somebody decided to start calling it a people mover. And I find that to be deeply confusing and, and just plain wrong.

[Eric Wareheim]

Especially in that case because like, first of all, there's. It's already assigned to another thing. But aside from that, I just. What a terrible name to name anything. You could. We could call our cars people movers. We could call the planes people. Why don't you just build the plane out of people movers? You can call the plane a. Everything is a people mover if it's transporting you from one place to another. But not only is it nonspecific, it is just such a. What a dumb way to describe anything. It's just like. So like we have a language. Let's have some, like just a Little bit of fun with it. I think a moving sidewalk evokes exactly what that thing does in airports. Okay, so putting that aside, you and I are on the same page. Do either of these beautiful sounding tunnels with the art installations, do they have moving sidewalks? Because that would add to them kind of a. I get this sort of. Like, you could of course not use those, but I love this idea of sort of just feeling like you're floating through this thing.

[Tim Heidecker]

They both do. And because they're both. Again, really long. Like, I'm talking probably a half mile of just that section underground. And I found the one in Salt Lake City to be. So I did. I was walking because, you know me and the steps and all that, but as opposed to standing on the moving sidewalk. But you know what I did do? I took my AirPods up out of my ears. I stopped listening to Pod Save America because I wanted to be. This is. I was going back through this morning. Right. So I already kind of knew what this thing was. And by the way, was playing different music this time because I was wondering, my first time through, is this section always Johnny Cash? I've been everywhere. Because that. That way lies madness. Like, if you work at the airport.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

And you have to walk through that a couple times a day. But no, they do change the music up. They also have an amazing quote on the wall from. I think it's Wallace Stegner. And I'm kind of paraphrasing here, but it says the brook would not. Again, I'm getting this slightly wrong, but basically, the brook would not make its song if we removed the rocks. Like this idea that the water that's rushing through a river or a creek. And the sound that we associate with that is because that water is encountering obstacles and kind of, you know, being its direction changed. And then that creates what we think of as that very beautiful and relaxing sound of rushing water. Well, if there was nothing impeding it, it wouldn't sound like that. I thought, well, that's kind of a good thing to remember. But anyway, I took my AirPods out and just kind of, like, walked along and enjoyed it as an immersive experience, which you can't say that about a lot of airports and. Or just, like, public spaces. So that's all in the pro Salt Lake City airport department. Now, in the con, the TSA there is so hardcore.

[Eric Wareheim]

Do you try to take caffeine through exactly?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, hot caffeine, you can't do that. That's one of the amazing rules. You can have cold caffeine which is why dirty sodas are allowed around town if you're a practitioner of the Mormon faith. But hot caffeine, that's the problem. You get the feeling Joseph Smith just didn't like coffee. He was an iced coffee man.

[Eric Wareheim]

He's like, you can have lemonade, but it can't be from a. M. That's right.

[Tim Heidecker]

So I, you know, I got my stuff, and I didn't check a bag. This was a quick trip. So I just had a suitcase that I could take on the airplane with me. And I am going through security this morning, which means I've got my little audio gear that I'm talking to you on right now that I was using yesterday in Salt Lake. And I got all my stuff. But whatever. I. First of all, they've got. This is really getting into the weeds. But, like, I don't know if you've been through the kind of TSA now that has these big bins that are on an automated thing. Yeah. So it's not like the one that we have at SeaTac or a lot of airports where you pick up a bin, you put it down on the kind of conveyor belt, you put your stuff in, and you walk along with it. It's this other gigantic piece of machinery where this constant churn of these empty bins are showing up beneath this series of runners. And then you take it out and you put it on the thing. You put your stuff in, and then it gets whooshed off. It's real Hudsucker proxy stuff.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah. It's really cool. They're big. I like those. And they're big bins, too. Like, you could put your whole carry on in there.

[Tim Heidecker]

They are so much slower than the other one. They are like. Because I've observed these, obviously, in a lot of airports, and I've also been a lot of airports that don't use them. And this system is an absolute traffic jam. Like, it is just so much slower. Because, first of all, people generally don't really understand how to do it. They're like, wait, they people? It takes everyone. There's, like, a learning curve for how do you actually operate this? And then people don't know to step up to the, like, open space. And then, like, for instance, I needed two of these things because I had my suitcase and then I had my computer bag. And you can't have two things in the same bin even though they're big. So what that means is I'm standing there, and I have this bin in front of me, and it's got my suitcase in it. And then down below, I've got my computer bag in another bin. There is a traffic jam of bins because the bins are just. They're spinning. They're, like, going past me.

[Eric Wareheim]

And you can't find a slot to put.

[Tim Heidecker]

There's no slot. They're all. They're like, literally bumped edge to edge.

[Eric Wareheim]

All the way because people upstream. Would it be upstream? Yeah, people upstream of you are already filling up those spots.

[Tim Heidecker]

And the thing is, you're supposed to go to the next one that's green. So in other words, I went to one that was downstream because it was green as directed. But the. Nobody ever asked the question, what happens if somebody goes to, like, position number one? Because that's what's open, but all the other positions are full. And so therefore, there's literally no break. So the TSA guy had to come over and hold back the tide of bins so that I could try to put my bin in. And then I was like, I got two. I got two. Then I had to put my next one in. It's like, how is that the system. Like, how is. In all this automation, how is it that it's. A human being has to come over and physically just hold this thing? Like, that's not. And it just takes forever. It also takes forever when they go through the security. I asked the guy, is this a more intense scanning? And he goes, look, I don't know, man. It's just in Skynet, we believe that's what he said to me. I was like, I don't know what that means, but is that like a Terminator? Is that. That would. Terminator? I knew it was a reference to something, but I didn't quite follow. I just wanted to get to my flight. So anyway, my stuff is now moving through the conveyor belt, whatever, and of course, my suitcase gets flagged and very kind of checked out. TSA person drags over. Whose is this? Like, it's mine. She's like, okay, just, like, unzips it, starts opening it. And I'm assuming I said to her what I often say, which is, there's a microphone in there. It looks kind of weird on the. On the X ray. I can show you where it is, if that's easier. And she just says, nothing. Does not even, like, respond.

[Eric Wareheim]

I know these people. I've gotten these folks before.

[Tim Heidecker]

And the thing I'll say is, like, I did bring one suitcase, but it was very carefully packed because I had on one side my dopp kit. I have my clean clothes still. I have my running shoes which are in a certain place so that they don't get everything else dirty. I have my dirty laundry, which is on the one side of the suitcase that where the audio equipment is because I'm not going to wear the audio equipment. So if the dirty laundry that's in a bag is going to touch something I'd rather be, not something that I wear or my toothbrush. Right.

[Eric Wareheim]

It's a whole situation. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm on. Yep. I couldn't.

[Tim Heidecker]

And of course this person couldn't associate.

[Eric Wareheim]

With anything more than that.

[Tim Heidecker]

And of course this person is just like, just pulling everything out willy nilly and like, you know, and I'm just like. And so they. She pulls out the audio equipment and then just like, kind of just like leaves it all there like on top of the bag that it was in. And I'm like, okay, this is annoying because I'm gonna have to put this all back together. She doesn't like, she doesn't wipe it down with whatever that Stridex pad is that they use.

[Eric Wareheim]

Like it was.

[Tim Heidecker]

I don't even know what her thing was. Then she unzips the other side, goes into my dopp kit. Just starts digging around, going through your dopp kit.

[Eric Wareheim]

Jesus.

[Tim Heidecker]

Going through my toiletry.

[Eric Wareheim]

I'm furious. I've gotten my bag tossed plenty of times, especially because of the radio equipment like you mentioned. But sometimes other triggers as well. And often the people that they have who are tossing through your stuff are the ones who have the least human skills. I don't know if they do that on purpose. Let's just put the people who everybody hates anyway there. Let's just make the people who literally won't look human, you in the eye or respond to you as a human so that you just feel like you're really in the gulag and then. And now and. But I don't think they've ever gone through my dopp kit before. This is.

[Tim Heidecker]

And she didn't say like, she didn't say anything sharp. Oh, actually I see something else or like, you know, it's not the microphone. She just starts like unzipping. Luckily there's nothing of note in there. Well, nothing that I haven't talked about with the listeners. There's a, there's a thing of topic. Hair powder. That's probably the most embarrassing thing in there.

[Eric Wareheim]

But there could be something like that. Is that probably the most very private part of the travel experience, medications in there? I mean, I know that's their job. But you better have a re. I'm. I don't know where you're going with this story, but you better have a really damn good reason for going through here.

[Tim Heidecker]

And then also they could give you a little speech that says like, hey, yes, I. I need to go through this. But also, there's a. There's an area over here that's not as visible to the public where I could go through it. Like, just. You should probably have a. Have a spiel for that. Right? Because again, it is something that's very private for people, and there was no explanation.

[Eric Wareheim]

What if you had a pheasant under glass in there, Lou?

[Tim Heidecker]

Exactly. Just Google Bob Odenkirk you'll get. And so then she's digging around, digging around in there, and then what do you think she pulls out? Andrew, your toothpaste that I stole.

[Eric Wareheim]

Oh, my God. I didn't want.

[Tim Heidecker]

In Wisconsin.

[Eric Wareheim]

I didn't want you traveling with that. The reason. Okay, okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

The prophecy was foretold.

[Eric Wareheim]

That is so funny, because I'm always so paranoid about that. And then, okay, we gotta. We gotta fill the listeners in on this. But it's so funny because that conversation sort of lives in my head. I was sort of, like, worrying about you taking the certain toothpaste on the planks. I was like, ah, you and. Okay, we. You and I went to the grocery store when we were in friendship, and about halfway through the trip, for some reason, we both needed toothpaste. So we're standing there staring at the toothpaste wall or, you know, shelves for a long time. That's all. I could give you a loose.45 on choosing toothpaste in 2025. I'll skip over that now, but we're both staring at it for a long time. And then I pick a reg. Kind of a traditionally sized and shaped tube of toothpaste, like what you've been seeing in commercials since you were a kid. But, you know, they have different sizes now. They're little shapes that are more like less tubes and more like little plastic containers. And you picked one that was more of the modern look, that looks more like a travel size. I don't know for sure that it has less toothpaste than the other one. It just looked more travel ready. That's the one you bought. I bought the regular kind, and I was ready to leave it behind at the Airbnb if need be, you know, whatever. But then for some reason, we get back into the Airbnb and you grabbed mine by accident. Yeah, no big deal. I wasn't attached to it, but I was just concerned because you travel more than me. I had this conversation, like, okay, I don't mind taking yours, Luke, but it just seems like the one I have is more, you know, the one I'm ending up with is more travel ready. And I thought about that conversation later because you must have been like, boy, I fly all the time. Like, no, no, I know how to get. I hope I didn't paste. No, you don't ask that.

[Tim Heidecker]

That was in the vibe.

[Eric Wareheim]

That. Because, like, you're TSA PreCheck. Like, probably on your list of worries going through an airport to the degree that you have many is whether or not the toothpaste is gonna go through.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, the thing is, they have. You know, I don't wanna give Kristi Noem any credit, but there have been certain things that are being relaxed, like you don't take your shoes off and stuff. And like, I had read. I thought I had read somewhere at some point that they were thinking about increasing. I think it was 3 ounces. Right now is the volume of, like, liquid that you can have. And I guess toothpaste is considered a liquid. They were thinking about raising that. I thought maybe they had raised that amount. I know for a fact that I have been through security with a similar thing of toothpaste many times and not had it be an issue. It's one of those things where there's probably the letter of the law, which I'm guessing I was in violation of. But then there's also the enforcement of it, which feels extremely haphazard. Like, again, I've hun. Many, many times I've had this amount of toothpaste in my luggage and it hasn't been a problem. But like, before I even got my toothpaste confiscated, I go through the. You know, one of those, like, whatever things you walk through to be scanned.

[Eric Wareheim]

You have to hold your arms over your head.

[Tim Heidecker]

Not that one. Not that you don't have the other.

[Eric Wareheim]

Because you're pre check. Do you ever have.

[Tim Heidecker]

No, no, no, I. That one. I don't. I don't understand the rules on that. Sometimes they. I think. I think because I'm pre check, most of the time they route me through that. You just walk through one.

[Eric Wareheim]

Right? Okay.

[Tim Heidecker]

But I walk through and I get a ding because of my belt, which, by the way, again, I wore this belt through PDX on my flight down to Salt Lake. I. I wear this belt all the time.

[Eric Wareheim]

I never take off my belt.

[Tim Heidecker]

It never goes off. Of course, it goes off on this, what I can only call Mormon security system that they're running at Salt Lake. So the belt dings. Hey, your belt. So I take my belt off, I hand it to the TSA person. They're like, okay, just go back through. So then I go back out. And then this next time I walk through. Guess what? A different ding. Because now, upon second time through, I am now randomly selected for a more heavy duty scanning. So it would have just been the person behind me, except I got dinged for my belt. And now, because I have to go back through, now I just randomly end up with a person who has to go to the thing, Andrew, where you stand and hold your arms, your arms above your head, and someone down in the bowels of the airport can see your junk.

[Eric Wareheim]

They call those their funeral, by the way. They call those undercarriage fees.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes, they do.

[Eric Wareheim]

Bringing it back to public radio. Yeah, I know I have to go through those all the time. And I won't interrupt you now, but when you're done with your journey, I want to tell you, I actually. And I'm. I will tell you that on my way to the Minneapolis airport, going through SeaTac, I almost got into it with a TSA person sort of in that machine. In that exact machine. But you go ahead. But, yeah, this is a. I hate those machines. They make you stand on these white footprints. I mean, I think almost everybody knows what we're talking about. And then hold your hands over your head like a perp. I don't even think about the fact that somebody can see me, like, through my clothes. Like, honestly, like, I. That is. That is your funeral at this point. I don't assume somebody's looking that closely. I don't know. I assume they have AI to tell, like, trigger something if it looks like there's metal or something. But I hate those things. They are so demeaning. Demeaning is exactly the word I was looking for.

[Tim Heidecker]

So I go through, and they have. The first sensor is set so sensitive that it pings on my belt, which never happens. So then I give them my belt, and then it's like, oh, actually, sorry, you're randomly selected. So go stand in that line. So now I go stand in a different line. Well, guess what? The. There's like five people standing in that line because there's one TSA person. And what do you think they're doing? They're like, doing the world's most involved pat down on some poor. Some bitch who already was trying to go through that Backscatter machine and apparently set off an alarm. So we are now waiting for a good five to 10 minutes before there's even a person who can indicate that we can go take our turn standing in the demeaning machine, because that person was, like, fully patting down someone who had touched off something, set off something in the demeaning machine. So this is all happening before I. Even. Before they even confiscate my toothpaste.

[Eric Wareheim]

Demeaning. Joe Greening. He was one of my favorite.

[Tim Heidecker]

Oh, dude. Man, he was. That guy was tough.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah. And he's. That Coke commercial, I think.

[Tim Heidecker]

Was he an la Ram. What was he. So. So, yeah, so that's all. Just before I get up there, before I realize, oh, they're gonna search through my suitcase. Oh, they're gonna search through my. My personal toiletries. Oh, they're gonna pull out the. She just pulls out the toothpaste, and she just holds it up and looks at me. And what I said to her, Andrew, is. And I'm sorry to use a curse word, I said, you got to be fucking kidding me. And then my next thought was, is that illegal? Can you be arrested for saying the not? I didn't yell it. I just said it.

[Eric Wareheim]

Kind of like, dude, it's like bump rules, right? In baseball, like, you can say. You get. You can say that, but if you.

[Tim Heidecker]

Can'T look them in the eye, you.

[Eric Wareheim]

Can'T look them in the eye, and you can't use the second person. You can't. Or I guess you can't tap your helmet. You can't tap your helmet, and you can't say, you can't, like, sort of throw it on them. Like, you are a blank or whatever.

[Tim Heidecker]

You have to look past them and just mutter to yourself, we live in a. We live in a failing capitalist society that cannot and should not last. But as long as you're not looking at them as you say. So, I just. I. I could not. I mean, listen, I am both easily triggered, but also pretty pragmatic in these moments. Like, I don't want to not get to go to my flight because the TSA person has decided to label me a suppressive person. Right? Or what? Like, so. But in the moment, I just was like, you got to be fudgeing. Kidding me.

[Eric Wareheim]

Has this person uttered a word? Like, I think I might be exaggerating, did not utter a word, and then just holds it up judgmentally without a word? Like, I got to say, Like, I don't. I don't believe all security is security theater. You And Veeves have been saying that for, like, decades now. And I am actually not hardcore in that. Like, I'm really, really. That's not where I come at this. But I do come at this from an angle of if we're doing these things for security, and let's just say you're totally bought in on that. But they are, as we've said, a bit demeaning in various ways. Going through our personal items, making a stand like a perp when we've done nothing wrong so they can see us naked. Like, these things. If you're employing these, you have to treat us like humans. We are not in prison.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, yeah. And also, just communication is the key. I mean, that's. That's. You gotta train folks to just. You know, there's a few stock statements that they could use because it probably tends to be the same, you know, four or five scenarios. And if one of them is, hey, it flagged something that's probably in your toiletry kit, I need to take a look in there. You know, I'll be discreet. Or we can have. I don't know if this is really gender. Would you like a male TSA agent, sir, to go through your Dopp kiss?

[Eric Wareheim]

Also, I know what that tube of toothpaste looks like. I picked it out. You stole it from me. I'm still burned. I'm still pissed at that.

[Tim Heidecker]

But it's good toothpaste.

[Eric Wareheim]

I actually was enjoying using it. Oh, that's right. I got bubble gum flavored or bubblegum flavored, but it's a traditional looking tube of toothpaste, as we said before. So I think that if that's showing up on your radar or on your X ray, I should say, you probably know what it is. You probably could say, like, oh, it looks like there's probably some toothpaste in here. Do you have a whole thing of toothpaste? You know what I mean? You could probably. I just think that there's a better way to do this. I don't think this person wanted to. I think this person is. Because I've just. I've been with these people have tossed my bag before, too. This exact kind of like, you know, personality type. And you're just like, why are. Why are you like this? What, did I do something to you?

[Tim Heidecker]

There was also this funny moment. This had nothing to do with me. But this is when I was still standing at the big Hudsucker machinery trying to get my. Get my stuff on the conveyor belt. And the guy next to me, he. I Just hear him, like, say to the TSA guy, thank you for your service. And I thought, oh, well, maybe this TSA person is somehow indicating that they're like, you know, a veteran. Like, maybe. I don't know how that would be indicated, but maybe they have a tattoo or something. Like, I just assumed that somehow this. This person next to me had figured out that the person who worked at the TSA had also served in the military. And I looked over and I was, yeah, no, there's like a. There's like an 18 year old kid, you know, with like. Like, there's very. There's no way that this person could have gotten the idea that this TSA employee, who, by the way, that person was not a problem. They're just doing their job or whatever. But, like, thank you for your service to me is a little much.

[Eric Wareheim]

Unless it's sarcastic. I mean, I wish you had.

[Tim Heidecker]

This guy was not being sarcastic because as we were then finally got through the whole security shoot. You know, we were sort of close together, and I'm getting my stuff searched, and he. I don't think he threw another thank you for your service, but he threw a healthy thank you at another TSA person. I was like, this guy is like, this is. This is a dude. He's like, that doesn't stop a foamer. Like, you know, there's people that get obsessed with heritage trains and different things. This guy's kink is he loves thanking TSA people. He loves showing an amount of deference to TSA folks, which he might be.

[Eric Wareheim]

A TSA guy, like, just traveling.

[Tim Heidecker]

That's possible. Although then I guess I would have expected him to throw out some kind of industry slang. Yeah, I'm a 240 or over at Dulles. Yeah, you know, I'm. I'm a. I'm a belt jockey over at Sky Harbor.

[Eric Wareheim]

Luke. I. Listen, I will beep that, but I do not believe you call them that.

[Tim Heidecker]

Like, you know. Anyway, so that was. That was my. That was my trip getting up here. Now. What had you.

[Eric Wareheim]

So wait, wait.

[Tim Heidecker]

No yelling at someone in the back.

[Eric Wareheim]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. So she holds up the toothpaste.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yes, you hold the toothpaste. And I say, you got to be kidding me.

[Eric Wareheim]

And then.

[Tim Heidecker]

And then I say, well, obviously, just take it. And she says, okay. That was the first word. She says, okay. And then I said, can I just repack this? And she said, sure. And then she just walked away. So I didn't want her repacking it because she does not know the Special way in which everything goes back in. And so.

[Eric Wareheim]

And she didn't even ask you the needles question. That's where I always get the.

[Tim Heidecker]

Any.

[Eric Wareheim]

Any sharp objects or needles?

[Tim Heidecker]

No, no. You know what?

[Eric Wareheim]

What?

[Tim Heidecker]

I'm sorry, you're right. She did mutter that at the beginning. So that was. So there were. There were words exchanged. Or at least she did say something which was, is there anything sharp, you know, that can poke me or whatever?

[Eric Wareheim]

Well, there's a swordfish in there, but it's good to go. Yeah. And again, I sound grumpy right now because I. It's the customer service angle here that really.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah. There's two versions with the TSA personality. There is the person who is incredibly friendly, just, like, describing everything of what you need to do this, that, and the other. And then also, like. And I get these folks, too. They're just like, really? They're chatty, they're friendly. They are pretty cool when they're searching your bag. They're like a really good hang. And then you get the people who. It is the last place they want to be on earth. And it doesn't seem like there's an in between. In my experience. You just kind of get one or the other.

[Eric Wareheim]

So when I go through those backscatter machines, which is, I think what they're called. Those are the ones again, the demeaning machines, as we've called them here. I think that. Do you know that you know the movie Wet Hot American Summer? I don't know how well you know that.

[Tim Heidecker]

I don't know it nearly as well.

[Eric Wareheim]

Okay. Yeah. Because Veeves and I would watch that a lot, but you have a Paul Rudd character who's like this really kind of cool guy, and he's all like. Just like. But at one point he gets, like, kind of reprimanded, I think by one of the counselors is probably Janine Garofalo. In fact, she's like, you got to take your tray. And you know, like, he's in the cafetorium or something. She's like, you got to take that tray and put it away. And he doesn't want to. So he just does this, like, just so over the top impression of a little kid who doesn't. Doesn't want to do what he's being told to do. And his body language is. He's just like, flopping himself, you know that? Like, kind of flopping himself around, sort of like final. Pick this up. I gotta say, I go into a little bit of that mode when I have to go into the backscatter machine. Like just a tenth of that, if that. But when I go in there, I see some people, and it's like they seem proud to serve the backscatter machine. The way that they're in there, they stand and they stand at attention. They put their hands over their head like a crisp salute. A crisp salute. I'm a little bit saggier when I do it because I hate it. And again, it's not even about the nudity thing. I don't. I always forget that part until you.

[Tim Heidecker]

Until you kind of get off on it.

[Eric Wareheim]

I mean, honestly, it's. That's the only thing that works these days.

[Tim Heidecker]

I.

[Eric Wareheim]

It's. It's just the physicality of it. And also, again, if you have somebody who isn't friendly working that machine, you can really feel like you've done something wrong while this person glowers at you and treats you rudely and makes you stand in a certain way. But I never have a problem with it. Now, here's one thing. I usually. Now I need to. Because I don't have the new real ID thing, but I.

[Tim Heidecker]

Wait, you don't have real id? How are you?

[Eric Wareheim]

No, no, we've talked about that. I need to get that. In fact, it should be on my to do list. I travel with my passport, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I saw tons of people in the airport this past weekend because the real ID thing finally has kicked in and. Or whatever weekend that was, I was traveling. Like, I've saw a lot of people with passports. I think that's what a lot of people are doing now. I think I tend to travel with my passport anyway, kind of in the past couple of years as, again, belt and suspenders guy over here, like, just in case I lose my ID or something. Like, why not have my passport? I guess the risk there is that I could possibly lose it. But I'm careful. But all of that is to say that is the one thing I will not let go of. I will not put my passport through the security belt line. I know when they say to go through that backscatter machine, you're supposed to be holding nothing and nothing in your pockets. But one thing that I've learned from experience is they can't separate you from your passport. Like, you lose your passport, you. You lose everything in travel. Right? You just. You're. I mean, you. Anyway, so I never asked. I never looked it up. But what I do is when I go through the backscatter machine, I stand and they're like, feet on the Yellow lines or on the yellow footprints or whatever. It used to be that I'm also shoeless here. And then you have to hold your hands over your head. Well, I always take my passport and I kind of pinch it between my. Because you have to hold your hands flat. So I pinch it between my forefinger and my middle finger, usually of my right hand. So it's like up there over my head with everything else, but my hands are still flat, and that's never been an issue before. And so I'm leaving SeaTac and I'm doing this exact thing. It's actually nicer. I don't have to take my shoes off anymore, but I'm doing that. But then at the very last minute, I realized, and this is totally my fault, this is an amateur mistake. I am embarrassed to admit it. I'd forgotten to take the wallet out of the back pocket of my jeans. And this bummed me out because I was already traveling with a heck ton of radio equipment in a couple of different bags, one of which I had to totally empty all the equipment out of. And then the other one, I thought they were going to. To. And I was very. I was very anxious to be reunited with my bags for what I thought was going to be the bag tossing segment of this anyway. And then I'm in line, and I'm about to go in the backscatter machine, and I realize, oh, shoot, I have my wallet. But I'm like, just let it go. But I mistimed it by a second. And the person who was running the backscatter machine saw me check my back pocket, like, and then have a worried look on my face or something. And she said, you got something in your back pocket? As I'm stepping in the machine, I'm like, yeah, my wallet. And so I do it something where I put my passport in one hand in the way I described. And then my wallet, she's like, no, you can't have your. You cannot have your wallet. And I'm. So I go to hand it to her, she's like, I can't take that. I'm just like, on the belt. You got to put it on the belt. Well, my. All of my other stuff is already well through the line, right? And now I just have one wallet that I'm trying to sneak into the line as you described before. Everything downstream is already, you know, clogging up the belt. There's nowhere to put it. They don't have any of those little trays. And I go to hand it to another tsa guy who's kind of near the belt line, and he's like, I can't touch that. He's seen, like, a nice guy. He tried to make another joke. He's like, they don't pay me enough to handle your wallet or something. And he chuckles. And I said. And I said, great system you got here. Under my breath. No, I don't think you. I think I. Again, umpire rules. I just think I said, what a great system. And I didn't look anybody in the eye when I said it, But I don't like putting my wallet just so far away from all my other stuff, just randomly in between somebody else's things. Whether it's an accident or not, it just seems like this little guy with a lot of important stuff in it, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars in traveler's checks.

[Tim Heidecker]

You and Karl Malden never leaving home without it.

[Eric Wareheim]

But anyway, it's my wallet. Obviously, I'm protective of it. I put it on the belt, but I'm fuming now. I'm pissed. Yeah, but I'm still holding my. I'm still holding my passport in the way, and I'm like, is this gonna be a problem? I walk in there, she takes it from me, and she can hold it. She is allowed to hold that? Yeah, she's allowed to hold that.

[Tim Heidecker]

A passport, but not a passport.

[Eric Wareheim]

So I can't even, like, kind of hold onto it while I'm in the backscatter. But then I. And I throw my hands up, and again I. Feet are on the green or on the yellow footprints as they're supposed to be. My arms are up, but they're not, like, crisp at attention. I don't know what they want from me. My hands are over my head, and she's like, step in. I'm putting my hands over my head. Step out, go back in. She makes me go in. She keeps saying, and now she's got another guy there with her, too. There's two people sort of monitoring this thing. She's like, hands over your head. Hands over your head. I'm like, what do you want me to do? Like, my hands are over my head. Like, I'm not. I've never. I haven't said anything except great system under my breath to this other guy. But, like, I have not said a word to her. This is like, it's. It's clear that I'm fuming, but I have not uttered a word. She's like, hands over your head. Hands over your head. So I just take my hands and I just Put them on the top of the machine. There's nowhere else else for me to put my hands, so I just put them up at the top of the machine. I'm like, they're over my head. No touching the machine. I am ready.

[Tim Heidecker]

No touching.

[Eric Wareheim]

Hulk out. I'm like, what do you want me to do? My hands are over my head. What they want is some sort of a. They want me to enjoy it. They want me to say thank you. Can I have another? They want some sort of body language from me that I'm not giving them, and I am furious. And I had to step in and out of that, like, four or five times. I will say again, I never said a word about it. She let me through, gave me my passport back, and actually, they end up not tossing my bag, and I kind of did have to repack all the other equipment that I had pulled out. So after that moment, it was fine. But at one point, I just, like. I didn't slam them. That makes me sound like I'm being, like, very aggressive and dangerous here. I just put my hands up at the top as it's to say, how high do you want these things? Do you want me to punch through that? I didn't. Again, I want to make it clear I wasn't actually hulking out.

[Tim Heidecker]

If there's anybody who could punch through one of those back scatters, though, it's you. We've discussed your extremely large and beefy hands.

[Eric Wareheim]

I was just, again, that. That story doesn't have a good power. I was just so, again, it just felt like I got the woman who wanted to make an example out of somebody or the woman who didn't, like, just, like, didn't want to be cool about it, because I know I've done this, you know, not nowhere near as many times you have, but, dude, I've gone through these things many, many, many times. It's never an issue.

[Tim Heidecker]

Plus, there's that, like, you know, there's the whole sort of, like. What do you call it, the example of what you're supposed to be doing. There's the template, so it's not complicated. You just look at the thing that's in front of you, and you do that formation, you know, And I'm. I feel very confident in your ability to do that, to reenact what the drawing is telling you to do. Like, it's. It's not complicated.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah, I. I was. I was really furious. And then it was one of those things where when I'm going. Ending as I'm Leaving. And I'm packing all my stuff up. I'm actually, like, pretty psyched that they didn't have to open and toss my bag. I kind of walked in my gate with this sort of angry, you know, kind of adrenaline. Like, I just got into a fight with somebody, but I didn't. I didn't say anything except under my breath, mutter, great system. Which probably this nice guy heard, but I'm sure he's heard worse. And also, like, that was it. I just. And this is maybe like, I wonder what I actually look like during that. Because inside, I'm Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk. Inside, I am furious. But then sometimes you're molten lava. I am just molten lava. But then there are times where it's like, Andrew, you think everybody's on board with how angry you are, but people don't know that. But on the other hand, I also have been told that I look grumpy sometimes when I'm not grumpy. So I find it hard to believe they couldn't see. I have a feeling like I was just radiating something that felt like a fight to them. That's what I feel like. But maybe I'm totally off on this.

[Tim Heidecker]

Genevieve would be able to recognize it, and probably I might be able to recognize it, and maybe other people who know you really well could kind of see that you were really, really frustrated by this process. And, yeah, also the. No touching. The. Touching the top of the machine and having them yell at you.

[Eric Wareheim]

They couldn't raise them any higher. What did they want?

[Tim Heidecker]

Crazy. Well, it's a minor miracle that either of us arrived at our destinations. Me, as I swore at the TSA person, and you, as you almost broke the device and. But.

[Eric Wareheim]

Well, I will. I will. Let's use this opportunity to again give a shout out to whatever's going on in the. Sorry, what is it? The Bloomingdale Airport.

[Tim Heidecker]

Bloomington Airport.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yes. By the way, so easy to get through there. It was amazing.

[Tim Heidecker]

We love it. We absolutely love The Bloomington, Minneapolis St. Paul Airport. It's like the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. We gotta use all of the names. My buddy Charles there, who I took a picture with, he sent me an email the other day.

[Eric Wareheim]

Oh, that's right. You made friends. You said you held up the line for all these busy travelers, and they lined up behind you while you were signing autographs for a TSA agent.

[Tim Heidecker]

Yeah, I mean, I got to give him a thrill. I don't care what happens to the people behind me. You know that.

[Eric Wareheim]

I think I got most of that. I Think I got most of the details that story.

[Tim Heidecker]

Exactly 80%. 70 to 80%. I got an email from Charles, and he said it was very sweet. He was like, hey, it was so nice to meet you. And he said, and I've sent you some Minnesota music. And I was like, oh. I think what he did was mail to the CBS Sunday Morning headquarters in New York City some kind of a.

[Eric Wareheim]

Care package, which it's all who skir do.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's. I mean, the chances of me getting my hands on that. I mean, first of all, it's an enormous building that's got like 50 different TV shows in it. Like, I was. I'm like, oh. So I emailed him back. I was like, hey, Charles, so nice to meet you. Did you send it to me? The offices in New York? Because I'll try to have someone look out for it. But I feel a little bad if. If he put together some kind of care package that. That will likely never make its way to me. But. But yes. All that is to say, you're gonna.

[Eric Wareheim]

Walk Scott Pelly's office. He's gonna be rocking Zen Arcade.

[Tim Heidecker]

That was my vibing out to atmosphere. Yo, Pelly, don't bogart my Minnesota.

[Eric Wareheim]

He's just.

[Tim Heidecker]

He's just going crazy to the hold steady. Listen to the. Talking about the party pit.

[Eric Wareheim]

You're like, that was all for me. Here I go once again with the email. Every week. I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's not from a female. Well, this isn't exactly a vmail or an email, but it is a. It's a DM, Andrew. That direct message.

[Eric Wareheim]

Somebody.

[Tim Heidecker]

Somebody slid into my DMs and direct messaged me. And that person is none other than our pal Gus. Gus of Phyllis Fletcher being Phyllis Fletcher's child fame and also Josh's. And he just said. He said you made it into brain rot laughing emoji. Look at the comments. And what it is is that cbs, it's basically like a version of that CBS Sunday Morning story that I did about the Mustard Museum, but I don't know if it's been reposted somewhere or if it's just that the Brainrot community got a hold of it. But the comments are totally insane and totally byzantine to me, as in, I don't know what most of them mean. So I was in Wisconsin a while ago. I mean, not for our trip, but for a previous trip. And I did this little story about the National Mustard Museum. And somehow that story from CBS Sunday Morning, the online version of it got on the radar of what Gus is calling brain rot. And there are, like, 900 comments and, like, the first. And it's me talking to this guy who curates this mustard museum who's really quirky. Whatever. The top comment that has 17,000 likes is just a gif. A gif of Jamie Kennedy. Jamie Foxx, rather, having his, like, like, brain blown up with sparks from some movie that I've never seen before. And then you, like, go down below that, and it's like a crudely drawn little sad stick figure guy holding some mustard while Kendrick Lamar leers at him. I assume that's a DJ Mustard reference. And then you just. It's just. That's the one. It is just hundreds and hundreds of comments that I have no context for. I mean, and memes. It's Picard, like, as in Jean Luc Picard, laughing and kind of handing, holding his hand over his nose. There's like, let me find some more. There's Jim from the office saying, I just want it to stop over and over again. There's just like. Like, thing after thing after thing. That is some kind of, like, a meme that's gone so, so far underground that I do not in any way understand what it is a reference to. There's the guy. There's. There's the guy from. From Breaking Bad. Is it his? Speaking of Gus's, is it Gus who owns the. He owns the chicken shop or the car wash. That's the COVID for the drug operation. It's just. Just him doing a weird thing. There's Stewie from Family Guy just, like, who's in an insane asylum, like, wrapped up in a rubber room. There's Jon Hamm meditating in front of an exploding fire. Background. There's somebody who's just written. This is what somebody named Biba Halit wrote, mangoes equal 6 letters. Mustard equals 7 letters. 6 plus 7 is 13. 13th letter of the Alphabet is M. But what else starts with M? Massive. Are you listening? All three words start with M. The M domain or the M13. Mango, mustard, massive, physics, M13, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It just goes on and says, okay, stay with me now. It's like people are just going insane in the comment section of this. And I don't know if I'm excited about being part of the brain rot conversation or if I should be afraid.

[Eric Wareheim]

And you said this is on the Tiki Talkies?

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, no, I think it's the original. I'm looking at it through Instagram. So I think it might be the CBS Sunday Morning Instagram post.

[Eric Wareheim]

Oh, it's the official post, but somebody.

[Tim Heidecker]

Must have reposted it somewhere else or something. Somebody must have, like posted the link somewhere else because it just got into this corner of the Internet that's just obviously a bunch of people in their teens who just have their own visual language. Yeah, that's just based on which, again, I kind of love.

[Eric Wareheim]

I kind of love it. But I'm interested to know why. What this story.

[Tim Heidecker]

Why this.

[Eric Wareheim]

Is mustard a big thing online? Like, you know what I mean? If. Yes.

[Tim Heidecker]

Right. Is it.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

Is it having a moment? I mean, I do think there's a lot of Kendrick on there, so I think. I think just the fact that he yells mustard was the. Is probably why it piqued people's interest. But then it just starts to. There's like. Like a kind of a Scrooge McDuck gif where he's just sweating profusely saying, I'm fine. There's a guy in an ice bath having his brain shocked over and over again. There's just like. I mean, I could go on and on. It's just so. It's like that chicken tendies thing, but times a million. There's this one that's kind of great, actually. I'm gonna send you this one, Andrew. It's this very rudimentary drawing of like a human, the form of a human head with a brain. And then it's. That shape is blue and then there's a large blue arrow that has the word information written on it. And then it's just shooting pellets into the brain. It's just shooting information into this person's brain.

[Eric Wareheim]

It's a good how you're. How this email finds me.

[Tim Heidecker]

It's really good how your. How your email finds me content for you. In fact, you could really just scroll. There's a lot of stuff in here.

[Eric Wareheim]

That would work for that. I believe it. So did you respond? Did you ask Gus? I mean, listen, Phyllis is going to hear this, which means Gus is going to hear this. Maybe Gus would hear it anyway, but he probably needs to maybe explain this to.

[Tim Heidecker]

Well, that's.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah.

[Tim Heidecker]

In typical Gen Alpha is that. I don't know what.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah, I think that's it.

[Tim Heidecker]

In typical Gen Alpha for, you know, form. I have not heard back. Well, my response was holy. Help me understand. Where exactly did this get reposted? I have literally no idea what the memes are except for the Kendrick mustard.

[Eric Wareheim]

Jokes and then left you on.

[Tim Heidecker]

I mean, I'm on Red. Yeah, I'm on Red, but I also.

[Eric Wareheim]

Have a Nancy comic that I can't figure out. I was wondering if Gus could maybe explain that to me as well.

[Tim Heidecker]

You know what? See if you can get it caught in the brain rot. Updraft, Andrew. And then maybe you'll be. The other story that I did a long time ago that got weirdly had a second life was this Waffle House story that I did, which, you know, which is pretty straightforward CBS Sunday Morning stuff. It was, I believe it was at the super bowl, was going to be in Atlanta. So they wanted some stories about things that were kind of specific to that area. And the Waffle House came up. So I go down and do this whole little story about the place. And then Years later on TikTok, for some reason it got repackaged. Like somebody found it and then made it, kind of like posted it on their thing so it looked like it was their story. And then it was just getting like hundreds of thousands of views. It's a strange experience to have something that I did that's, let's be honest, not particularly inventive or youth oriented and then have the youth take it and kind of remake it and redo it and then get. Then jump on it and like be having fun with it. I'm not hating the experience. I just don't really know what's going on.

[Eric Wareheim]

I saw in your show sheet today that you had said something like you made it onto brain rot, question mark. What is brain rot? Or something. And I didn't know what the story was going to be or what it was, but I had this weird feeling, which I was wrong about, but I had a weird feeling that it was going to be. Somebody had taken some CBS story of yours and sort of a AI ified it in some way. And I didn't even know what that meant. I'm only like sort of trying to put words to this now because I didn't explore it deeply. I just saw the show. She'd okay, something. Something with one of Luke's pieces is going. It's viral, but in some sort of like a. In. In some sort of a dank, way, right? A danky, meany way. I'm still. I'm that generation. I'm the dank generation. The dank generation.

[Tim Heidecker]

The dankest generation.

[Eric Wareheim]

The dankest.

[Tim Heidecker]

Some gave all. Gave some.

[Eric Wareheim]

You know, I'd already written the show title, the Demeaning Machine, but I think the dankest generation.

[Tim Heidecker]

I think the dankest generation.

[Eric Wareheim]

I'm writing it down, which is why I'm pausing. Anyway. But now that I think about I.

[Tim Heidecker]

Still have served at chain link addiction.

[Eric Wareheim]

At some point, I feel like you are going to see your CBS pieces get somehow weird and modified and mangled and distorted in some sort of a weird. I think I've just been seeing more like a, like, purposeful AI slop recently. It's being fed to me on, like, Reddit, like, not subreddits. I follow. But it's like you might like this community and if you click on one of them, it keeps feeding you that kind of content. And I must have clicked on some sort of, like, dumb AI thing. And so people are just like, coming up with the most ridiculous prompts or whatever for AI images. And I could just sort of. Again, I'm not giving it. I'm not. I'm not explaining this well, but I could just sort of see your content somehow, like, kind of getting into that mode and then shared around and then a bunch of people posting just completely indecipherable memes underneath it, as you just described.

[Tim Heidecker]

I think I love it because it reminds me. I mean, we're, of course, you know, we're a rapidly aging version of this, but one of the things about our show that is kind of fun is that it does have too many inside jokes and too many weird little audio drops or, like, you'll say something and then I'll say a response to it, which makes no sense unless you were listening on day one when we had the original joke. And so I love seeing that out in the world, even if it's stuff that I don't understand. I like the idea that all these folks, again, particularly these young folks, this visual language makes sense to them and they are in on the joke. And they know that when somebody puts Jamie Foxx having his brain electrocuted from some movie I've never seen, they get what that means. I like that. I'm into content that is very impenetrable for most people who. Who aren't the ones making it. I like that kind of stuff.

[Eric Wareheim]

Yeah, yeah, no, me too. Just. No, I. I like. Yeah, just languages. Not. I almost said secret languages. It doesn't have to be a secret language, but just a language that is built around a community. I'm with you. And also, we have a. We're. We have the perfect job for that, I think.

[Tim Heidecker]

We sure do. And yet, Andrew, even those jobs come to an end on a Friday, at least for a couple of days. And that's where we find ourselves at the end of this broadcast week. Thank you so much, everyone, for spending all these hours with us this week. And yeah, we'll be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio for all of you. So we hope to see you then. In the meantime, have a great weekend, everyone. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and please remember, no mountain too tall.

[Eric Wareheim]

And good luck to all. Power out.