TBTL Episode #4548: “Aarke Of The Covenant”

Date: September 5, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

Episode Overview

In this Friday edition of TBTL, Luke and Andrew dive into their pet topics—anxiety around garbage takeout, misadventures in shirtless neighbor etiquette, dreams about public performance stress, and the eternal quest for the ideal seltzer experience. The episode blends classic TBTL whimsy (movie references, Lynnwood roller rinks, existential soda water debates) with discussions of real-life experiments, including Luke’s vow to quit canned sparkling water in favor of home carbonation. The show also features updates on Andrew’s ongoing fly saga, notable listener support shoutouts, and meditations on the small rituals of adult life.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter & Movie References

00:01–04:31

• The guys quote heavily from “Sideways” and “The Room,” setting a playful and irreverent tone for the episode.
• Quote: “If anybody orders merlot, I’m leaving. I am not drinking any merlot.” — Andrew (00:31)
• Luke admits to using humor as self-therapy and faking it till he makes it for on-stage gigs.

Timestamps

• [00:44] Luke officially welcomes everyone to the "Friday edition" and dives into the "foggy" Portland weather.
• [03:14] Guest Carolyn chimes in ("That was the fanciest sentence I've ever heard. And I used to watch Frasier.") on Luke's attendance at a classical piano concert in a state park.

2. In a Landscape: Live Music & Stage Jitters

03:14–16:48

• Luke describes his transcendent experience at the “In a Landscape” outdoor classical piano concert at Silver Falls State Park, noting the genius of using headphones for immersive music.
• Both hosts reflect on how posture and stage anxiety manifest for them, particularly when Luke prepares to go on stage in front of an unfamiliar crowd.
• Luke shares his discomfort about being the “side act” at someone else’s show. He admits to jokingly warning concertgoers, “I don’t know, I’ve heard mixed things about that” before his segment is announced—leaving staff both amused and bewildered.

Notable Quotes

• "I had to physically put myself in a position where I look like I’m at ease in order to try to put myself actually at ease." — Luke (06:30)
• “I need to get out and do more things because I felt so kind of emotionally nourished by the experience…” — Luke (11:45)
• “The Venn diagram overlap of people who will go watch a classical piano concert in a state park and people who listen to Oregon Public Broadcasting, it turns out it’s pretty big.” — Luke (16:48)

Timestamps

• [07:46] Origin of the concert piano’s name, “Maude,” referencing the film “Harold and Maude.”
• [09:34] Rave reviews for the headphone experience at the concert.
• [16:48] Crossover of eclectic audience politics at these mobile piano events.

3. Stress Dreams: Recurring Festival Fears

18:33–21:02

• Andrew connects Luke’s real-life event anxieties with his frequent stress dreams, particularly those involving festivals and performance confusion.
• “This was kind of like a stress dream, Andrew, because I got to watch an hour and a half performance…knowing that eventually I was gonna have to go stand on that stage…” — Luke (12:34)
• Andrew expresses empathy, having noted a recurring “performance at the wrong festival” motif in Luke’s dreams.

Timestamps

• [19:34] Andrew connects current situations to past festival stress dreams.
• [20:25] Luke previews more upcoming outdoor public events, all hitting his stress dream “sweet spot.”

4. Garbage Day Solidarity & Shirtless Neighbors

21:02–36:04

• The discussion uncovers the surprising fact that both hosts share the same garbage pickup day (Thursday); Andrew proposes sending reminder texts to Luke to help avoid “garbage morning panic.”
• A long tangent explores the etiquette of taking out the garbage while shirtless, prompting reflection on body image, social norms, and why neither host feels likely to become “old guy with shirt off doing yard work.”
• Quote: “Any sort of additional connection that we can make outside of the show, I think is great.” — Luke (29:05)

Notable Quotes

• “I feel like shirt off is you’re either a shirt off guy your whole life or you’re not a shirt off guy.” — Andrew (31:32)
• “My brain is never going to be comfortable with me shirt off in public.” — Luke (35:44)

5. Rollerblades, Bowling, and the Beauty of Letting Go

41:45–44:43

• Andrew offers up his barely-used size 13 rollerblades to listeners—a symbolic end to his pandemic-era skating experiment.
• A brief segue into bowling and dating trivia further weaves in the show’s blend of trivial but oddly poignant personal details.

6. Shout-Outs to Donors & TBTL Community

37:18–45:37

• Luke and Andrew do their recurring round of heartfelt donor shout-outs, lacing in irreverent asides about names, possible locations (including St. Thomas, VI), and the fantasy of a TBTL-a-thon on a beach.

7. Top Story: Luke’s Anti-Can Seltzer Pledge ("Arca of the Covenant")

46:20–68:29

• Luke experiences a “moment of clarity” upon realizing the wastefulness and expense of his canned sparkling water habit.
• He considers installing a commercial seltzer tap but balks at the $4,000+ price tag and technical complexity.
• Instead, he opts for a designer-style home carbonation device (akin to but fancier than SodaStream)—the “Aarke” (the eponymous “arca” of the episode).
• Andrew expresses skepticism that homemade seltzer will fully replace the "magic" of a fridge-cold can ("I just don’t think that part of the experience is replicable").
• The hosts discuss flavorings, with shared distaste for SodaStream’s attempts to mimic actual sodas (“This tastes like absolute dog water.” — Luke, 66:46).

Notable Quotes

• “The arca of seltzer water is long, but it bends toward carbonation.” — Luke (56:10)
• “Does that mean you’re never going to re-engage with this lifestyle?” — Luke on Andrew selling rollerblades (43:47)
• “The experience of drinking it is a certain thing…and I just think you like drinking cans of bubbly water even if you don’t finish them.” — Andrew (70:40)

8. Ongoing Pestilence: Andrew’s Epic Fly Saga

71:30–78:44

• Andrew shares a voicemail from listener Carolyn, describing a maggot horror show in her kitchen (“I had maggots dropping into my stove or onto my stove, and it was repulsive.” — Carolyn, 74:07).
• The hosts compare notes on the stages of insect infestation, the weirdly sluggish “black flies” that result from dead rodents in walls, and the catharsis of deep cleaning.
• The segment resonates with the core TBTL motif: laughing in the face of life’s weirdest, grossest challenges.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Luke (about being hyped/stressed for a concert): “I have all this time to think about it. It was too much time to think about it.” (13:43)
• Andrew (on the appeal of live performances): “It drove me crazy. You’re like, oh, this is a great place to wrap it up. And then you look—you’re like, oh, we still have 90 minutes left to go.” (79:00)
• Luke (about SodaStream flavorings): “This tastes like absolute dog water.” (66:46)
• Carolyn (listener): “...I had maggots dropping into my stove or onto my stove, and it was repulsive.” (74:07)

Important Timestamps at a Glance

• 00:44–04:31: Opening jokes, movie banter, fun atmospheric weather chat.
• 07:46: Naming of the historic Maude piano.
• 12:34: Luke’s stage anxiety at the concert.
• 16:48: Reflection on audience cross-sections at classical events.
• 19:34: Stress dream connections.
• 21:02: Garbage anxiety and the “shirtless neighbor” segment.
• 35:43: Body image, shirtless culture, open mic comedy dreams.
• 41:45: Andrew’s rollerblade life comes to an end.
• 46:20: Luke’s Carbonated Water Epiphany—quitting canned seltzer.
• 57:43: Andrew probes if Luke’s seltzer commitment will stick.
• 66:46: “Dog water” taste of SodaStream cola flavors.
• 71:30: Carolyn’s maggot horror; Andrew’s fly saga and catharsis.

Tone & Style

TBTL is, as always, conversational, meandering, self-deprecating, and rich with recurring inside jokes and life minutiae. Luke’s enthusiasm for carbonated water, Andrew’s ritualized approach to garbage, and both hosts’ willingness to over-explain any tangential reference add to the episode’s inviting, lived-in feel—a space for listeners to sit in on a rambling, hyper-relatable friendship.