#4603 Coyote Ugly

Summary

TBTL #4603 "Coyote Ugly" – Summary

Podcast: TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh
Date: November 21, 2025
Theme: A characteristically loose, funny Friday show weaving through animal issues in city life, film nostalgia, weird neighbor drama, science news on kissing, and a legendary listener voicemail.

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Episode Overview

This episode delivers the signature TBTL blend of comedy, meandering conversation, and genuine moments between friends. The main threads:

• Local coyote problems and the ethics of urban wildlife management
• The history and mechanics of kissing (yes, among animals too)
• A wild "space crime" divorce follow-up
• Musings on podcast comfort, meme warfare, and awkward public crying Plus: Donor shout-outs, awkward neighbor stories, a legendary listener voicemail, and all the self-deprecating charm fans expect.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Coyote Drama & Urban Wildlife (03:37–13:00)

• Andrew shares an escalation in his Seattle neighborhood's coyote problem, reading from heated neighbor emails about pets being threatened—even rumors of people feeding the coyotes (07:23).
• Andrew clarifies "TNR": Trap, Neuter, Return—a term often applied to feral cat population control, now floated for coyotes (08:01).
  • Luke: “Release them again, teach them how to wear condoms.” (08:38)
  • Tongue-in-cheek riffing on how you’d “train” coyotes in safe sex, prompt absurd daydreams of chair-backwards, ‘let’s rap’ teen talks (09:40).
• Debate on responsibility: Sympathy for pet-owners vs. acknowledgment that coyotes have a right to exist and fulfill a role (tick and rat reduction) in the ecosystem (09:13–11:22).
  • Luke: "I kind of feel like don't they also sort of have a right to exist in a way?"
  • Andrew: "If you have a coyote population that doesn't have any natural predators, then it’s only going to continue to grow and grow and grow…"
• The conversation morphs into population cycles, bunny booms, and the futility of “hazing” wild animals (06:18).

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2. Podcast Comfort: Couch Life & New Setups (13:00–15:59)

• Luke contemplates podcasting from a hotel couch, finding it far preferable to standing studios, and jokes about descending into actual podcast naps.
• Friendly teasing about who is more “obsessed” with seeing each other on Zoom:
  • Luke: “You look at me more than I look at you.”
  • Andrew: “That is not true. You're obsessed with me. You are obsessed with me.” (15:13–15:14)
• Leads into an Onion joke about Trump and a tangent regarding J.D. Vance identity confusion in the news (15:32–16:43).

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3. Donor Thanks, New Jersey Jokes, and Turkey Teeth (17:05–26:06)

• Donor roll call (17:05–26:06) is full of geographical wordplay, running jokes (Scottish accent for Connor Mulcahy), and meandering stories.
  • Recurring bit: “Chehalis” vs. “Chelanigans” (18:32), jokes about medical tourism ("turkey teeth" and "turkey hair": 18:51–19:32).
  • Reminiscences of TV’s "Arrested Development" and poorly healed hair plugs (19:44).
  • An extended, oddly heartfelt digression about Boone, NC, and an NPR story about Super Bowl refs—culminates in Luke’s “butterfly effect” theory that his sympathetic profile of refs led to a Seahawks Super Bowl disaster (20:46–23:55).
  • Andrew: "Do you think it's your fault?" (22:45)
  • Luke: "Maybe they got cocky."
• Shoutouts to listeners from Florida and San Luis Obispo, CA, prompt recommendations for Cold Springs Tavern and a Portland restaurant (25:15–26:38).

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4. Space Crimes Redux: Divorce, Astronauts, and the Law (27:13–33:06)

• Luke recounts the infamous ‘space crime’ story: An astronaut’s ex accused her of illegally accessing a bank account from space during a divorce. Turns out: permission had been given, no law was broken, but the (now ex) wife may face a hefty fine and jail time for the false report.
  • Andrew: "Imagine trying to explain to 1950s man this story. Wait, what's crazier? The space part or the online banking?" (29:38–30:02)
• Extended riffs skewer the wild intersections of modern life: female astronauts, gay marriage, online banking from orbit, and—most crucially—reporting on the first alleged "space crime."
  • Luke: “If the astronaut instead worked at HUD…I just don’t think…we’d be talking about it and I don’t think that the federal government would have been coming after the ex-wife.” (31:54)
• Side speculation on whether TBTL will ever commit the first true space crime: “Wait for Jeff Bezos to come back on the market. That’s the only way I’m getting to space.” (33:44)

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5. The Science of Kissing: How, Why, and Who? (37:23–41:39)

• Luke reports on a study suggesting “kissing” (oral-to-oral contact with no food transfer) evolved 21 million years ago in a common ancestor of humans and great apes.
  • Andrew: "Does this article specifically say…there’s definitely romance involved and not some other kind of bonding?" (38:36)
• Many animal species “kiss”: polar bears, prairie dogs, wolves, albatrosses.
• Riffs on picking mates, the all-important “kissing compatibility test”, and use their own team’s hiring as an analogy (“not a good kisser, so we went with John Sklaroff for business guy”).
  • Luke: “Hey baby, would you like a little non aggressive directed oral to oral contact…?” (39:15)
• Gags about updating Cole Porter: “Even polar bears do it…” (41:39)

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6. Listener Voicemail: "Her," Healing, and Mystery (43:23–50:10)

• Listener Catherine leaves a voicemail about crying uncontrollably at the film "Her," then anxiously waiting for the theater to clear, only to encounter two concerned strangers—one who encourages her to dump her boyfriend.
  • The story’s end is confusing thanks to Bluetooth dropouts/is her husband now the man from the theater, or a different guy altogether?
  • Discussion ensues on the mystery (47:12–49:10).
  • Andrew: "This listener…is either: (1) not involved in the story at all, just a fella that she would meet later… (2) He's the guy who came up to her and said, is everything okay? (3) Or she never broke up with that guy at all." (48:39)
  • Luke: “If that’s her wonderful, wonderful husband who she said she stayed with for two-three months too long, that’s a power move.” (49:10)
• Plea for Catherine to call back and clarify the end!

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Luke, on coyote neutering:
  • "Release them again, teach them how to wear condoms." (08:38)
• Andrew, on population cycles:
  • "Sort of predatory cycles…I think sort of come and go. And I do think you want balance in these things." (11:36)
• Luke, on podcast napping:
  • "...eventually I’m lying down, and then finally I’m just sleeping through most of the podcast…" (14:28)
• Andrew, on explaining "space crimes" to the 1950s:
  • "Wait a second…what’s crazier? The space part or the online banking?" (29:38)
• On the science of kissing:
  • Luke: "Hey baby, would you like a little non aggressive directed oral to oral contact with some movement of lips and no food transfer?" (39:15)
  • Andrew: "Can we change it to limited food transfer, in my particular case?" (39:22)

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Notable Timestamps

• Coyote discussion & TNR: 03:37–13:00
• Podcast setup/couch life: 13:00–15:59
• Donor thanks & digressions: 17:05–26:38
• Space crime case update: 27:13–33:06
• Kissing history/evolution: 37:23–41:39
• Listener voicemail (‘Her’ story): 43:23–50:10

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Tone & Style

Loose, silly, self-aware, and warmly digressive, with just enough structure to keep regular listeners engaged. The hosts’ banter bounces effortlessly from earnest to absurd (wildlife management, memes, public crying, the science of kissing), never losing their hallmark humor and rapport.

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Conclusion

A quintessential TBTL Friday:

• Big feelings about animal neighbors and urban coexistence
• Musings on couches, comfort, and podcasting
• The wildest divorce/space crime saga resolved
• Science news gets the “Wait, are polar bears romantic?” treatment
• Listener stories that both mystify and unite the TBTL community

Closing:

As always, Luke and Andrew invite more listener calls (“More calls is more better!”), admonish everyone to beware the perils of Bluetooth car mics, and sign off for the weekend with, “No mountain too tall—and good luck to all!” (53:47)

Transcript

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, so I'm tending bar down there at Eklund and Sweden's last Tuesday, and this little guy's drinking. And he says, where can a guy find some action? I'm going crazy out there at the lake. And I says, what kind of action? And he says, woman action. What do I look like? And I says, well, what do I look like? I don't arrange that kind of thing. And he says, but I'm going crazy out there at the lake. And I says, yeah, but this ain't that kind of place. Uh huh. He says, oh, so I get it. So you think I'm some kind of jerk for asking. Only you don't use the word jerk.

[Andrew]

I understand.

[Andrew Walsh]

Then he calls me a jerk. Says the last guy thought he's a jerk is dead now. So I don't say nothing. He says, what do you think about that? And I says, well, that don't sound like too good a deal for him then.

[Andrew]

You got that right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, he says, yeah, that guy's dead, and I don't mean of old age. Then he says, geez, I'm going crazy out there at the lake.

[Andrew]

Right there. Lake?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, well, at Eckland and Sweden that's closer to Moose Lake. So I made that assumption.

[Andrew]

Oh, sure.

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway, he's drinking at the bar, so I don't think a whole great deal of it. But then Mrs. Mora, she heard about the homicides down here and thought I should call it in. So I called it in. End of story.

[Andrew]

Tbtm.

[Luke Burbank]

Guess what day it is.

[Andrew]

Guess what day it is.

[Listener Catherine]

It's Friday.

[Luke Burbank]

Friday. Gonna get down on Friday.

[Andrew]

Who is this guy? He's got like every meme ever produced on the Internet. He can knock us out with his memes. And I do. I have tons of memes. I just keep meming them to death until they just surrender because they just can't do it anymore.

[Andrew Walsh]

They don't have the memes that I have.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, with all due respect, I mean.

[Andrew]

I hate to admit this, but I mean, I don't think I've been online.

[Luke Burbank]

In, you know, a couple days or weeks or whatever. So, I mean, that's really not an.

[Andrew]

Important thing to me.

[Luke Burbank]

My face, your face, instant face. Go. Go talk to whoever you want that does that stuff. I don't know.

[Andrew]

All right.

[Luke Burbank]

Hello, good morning and welcome everyone, to a Friday edition of TV pbtl, the show that just might be too beautiful to live.

[Andrew]

Houston, we have a boner.

[Luke Burbank]

My name's Luke Burbank. I'm your host. I'm sorry, I'm tan.

[Andrew]

I like to be tan. It just feels good.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you for the final day from Washington, District of Columbia.

[Andrew]

That was the fanciest sentence I've ever heard. And I used to watch Frasier.

[Luke Burbank]

We have arrived, folks, at episode 4603 in a collector series.

[Andrew]

Let the fun begin.

[Luke Burbank]

And scientists think they have discovered when the first kiss occurred.

[Andrew]

If you need a kiss so bad.

[Luke Burbank]

Why don't you kiss a potato like the rest of us? Not so much the first kiss, but when we started kissing or when kissing became a thing. And it was a long time ago and I don't really know how it is. They think they can pinpoint it, but we're gonna talk about it today and a bunch of other stuff, I'm sure with this guy. The longest running cobra of the show may be best known for his depictions of the tall ships. He has a wardrobe question on this Friday.

[Andrew]

Excuse me. Do these effectively hide my thunder?

[Luke Burbank]

And they don't. He's Andrew Walsh and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew]

Good morning, Luke. I was just googling something because I did not know what the term TNR means or I guess the abbreviation tnr. Do you have any context for this? Without giving you any clues as to what I'm talking about. Have you heard that before?

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think I have. Tnr. Let me think. Totally not regulated.

[Andrew]

Totally not regular.

[Luke Burbank]

Totally not radical.

[Andrew]

Totally not radical.

[Luke Burbank]

Dude, that's like the opposite of radical. That's tnr, man.

[Andrew]

This is kind of the real definition.

[Luke Burbank]

Of not enough rinformation.

[Andrew]

Not to not rinformation. So this gets a little bit dark, but in the area I live, there's a very large interurban cemetery nearby. You know the cemetery? Well, Luke, I talk about going Evergreen Washelli. Yes. And it's a very big cemetery. It crosses a main through fair here I. People walk their dogs and it's like a big green space, honestly. And it's quite a big, quite a bit of property. Anyway, I've mentioned, I think on the show before that coyotes live there and it's, you know, getting. I'm not, you know, I only have one pet right now and he's an indoor cat. So I try to keep them indoors so the coyotes don't really affect me too much. I remember I saw one once a few weeks ago when I was going for a walk. That was my first coyote sighting. I also think it helped. I think it helped that it was a morning walk that I went on when I usually go in the afternoon. And so maybe that's when I saw.

[Luke Burbank]

A coyote at my house the other day, too.

[Andrew]

Did you? Yeah. And you live more in the. More in a rural area.

[Luke Burbank]

Coyote district.

[Andrew]

You live in the coyote district? Well, it turns out I live in the coyote district because I don't even wanna read this whole email, but basically somebody wrote to the neighborhood email list saying that I have two small dogs. I live. I'm not gonna give out her assassination coordinates, as they say. But it says a few minutes ago, one of my dogs bolted into the house from the backyard. The other was barking out back. I ran out and scooped her up just in time to see a flash of something going into my backyard. It was the coyote I've been seeing hanging around. After it saw me, it jumped over the fence into my neighbor's yard. I just saw it again, crossing with an. Well, she thinks that this is a cat that was hanging in the. In the coyote's mouth. Other people are saying it might have been a gray rabbit or something like that, but either way, you read something like that. I bolted upstairs just to put eyes on Bingo. Like, Bingo should not ever be outdoors.

[Luke Burbank]

Very weak for you in that cat.

[Andrew]

But yeah, like, I see that. And I'm just like. So I ran upstairs. He's fine. He's sitting on the bed upstairs. But when you just butt. By the way, the one that I set fire to the other day, he.

[Luke Burbank]

Set fire to it. You just let him.

[Andrew]

I just let him. I just gave him the idea of lighting his farts on fire and he couldn't. He's like, I gotta try this. I gotta try this.

[Luke Burbank]

Anyway, he's sorry, Billy Joel, we did start the fire.

[Andrew]

That's right. That's what he said. Anyway, so I was, you know, like, this is really upsetting the idea, especially if it was a cat. That's really, really upsetting. And so basically, some people are weighing in, saying there's not a lot we can do. We've reported this before. And then somebody else weighed in, and this is a long email. I won't read it verbat. I mean, I don't know if I should be reading any of this honestly, publicly, but it says, I'm so sorry to hear this. They are getting more aggressive. A couple of people's dogs were bitten by coyotes in the cemetery. Says hazing is no longer working. I don't know what that means. Does that mean you, like, sort of.

[Luke Burbank]

Like you make the coyotes drink an insane amount of alcohol and then do push ups?

[Andrew]

It's pretty dark yeah. And you shave their heads and you make them stand in shaving cream. It's all shaving related for me anyway. This person is frustrated, says, I've spoken more than once with the people who run the cemetery. They just pass the buck to Fish and Wildlife. Fish and Wildlife say we just have to coexist with them. Like basically nobody's doing anything about this, but the population just keeps growing and growing. It says that back in the day when this person moved here, there was one coyote known in the cemetery and it was a cute little thing. And so they have a photo of that one coyote up in like the office of the cemetery, according to this email that I'm reading. But that was in 1990 and now, you know, every year it's just more and more and more if they're having like, you know, four to six pups per litter or whatever. Also, I think our crazy neighbor across the street who I got into that showdown with, there's rumor that he.

[Luke Burbank]

Sign Ripper.

[Andrew]

Yeah, Dr. Sein Ripper also, I think feeds the coyotes. I've heard rumors about that. He's just like, he's just bad in every way. Like, he's just a neighborhood. The neighborhood. What is the word for some crank? Crank and rogue and whatever. But anyway, it is a real problem. It does worry me to think about, like, you know, if we had a dog even in our fenced in backyard. But you really can't keep the coyotes out. But all of this leads to tnr. This person who's very frustrated, who wrote this whole email that I'm quoting from now says, ideally I'd like to see them tnr like they do with feral cats. And I thought that might mean put down or something.

[Luke Burbank]

That's what I would assume is that. Is that some kind of a. You basically sterilize them.

[Andrew]

I believe so. It says that it's trap, neuter return, according to the Internet. So trap, neuter return. So I was kind of surprised at this person, this person even, you know, this is Seattle, you know, and this is like, you know, these are Seattle people. They're not. Nobody's going to be jumping on this, just saying we got to go in there and kill them all. Like the Metallica album that you love so much. But I was a little bit surprised that they would even. I can't imagine them TNR ing them. That just seems like so much work to then release to neuter them, then.

[Luke Burbank]

Release them again, teach them how to wear condoms.

[Andrew]

Well, that's the thing that I'm getting.

[Luke Burbank]

That'S a months long process.

[Andrew]

I feel like if we put it in more like coyote movies and coyote rap songs like we did in the 90s, the message will get through and it's an important message.

[Luke Burbank]

Is there a TLC of coyotes and can we get them advocating for safe sex?

[Andrew]

Oddly, they're called tnr. I mean, that's.

[Luke Burbank]

I. Do you know what? That actually does sound to me like a nice solution for the whole thing. Don't go in and like just end their lives, but maybe end their lineage.

[Andrew]

Sure. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And also it's kind of. It's weird because it's like they also listen. I don't. If I had a cat and it was attacked by a coyote, I would probably have very different feelings about this. But I don't know, I kind of feel like don't they also sort of have a right to exist in a way? Like, you know, I don't know. I feel like we should try to figure out how to coexist a little bit before we just wipe them out. I mean, although I do think that the just not having any more babies is a pretty good solution.

[Andrew]

Yeah. But again, it sounds like Fish and Wildlife isn't doing anything with it at all other than saying, you know, that means carry. You carry a whistle. So, yeah, I'll just go in there with some. I'll just go in there with a bunch of condoms and just sort of teach them. I'll. I'll take a chair.

[Luke Burbank]

Don't forget about the dental dams and.

[Andrew]

What I mean, I don't forget about them. And I'm going to take care of me and I'm going to spin it around backwards and I'm going to like kind of talk, real talk to them, you know, can you picture like several wolves kind of like semicircle in front of me, and I'm sitting backwards in a chair with my arms crossed kind of over the back of the chair. And I'm just. I'm telling it to him straight, Luke.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey, guys, you know what? I might seem like I'm an adult and like, I don't know what's going on, but let me rap at you for a minute, okay? I used to be your age.

[Andrew]

I used to be a coyote too. That's what I'm gonna tell exactly. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Why are there more coyotes? I mean, I feel like we're generally making things worse in nature. I feel like we're losing species and yet somehow they're thriving. I wonder what's going on there. I wonder what the explanation is. Usually it's well, we built. We keep expanding our cities into places where they're trying to live, and now they're living amongst us. But that cemetery has been there for 100 years.

[Andrew]

Yeah. And that's why. That's why I think this person. I only read part of their email and it says rant over. And I gotta say, usually an email that ends rant over or apologize for ranting is not an email that I even read. But this one was actually really, I thought, you know, it's written with emotion, but it's also written very thoughtfully. And they even say, like, they have no predators except for humans, so they keep populating. And if they're going to have four to six pups, you know, every couple of coyotes is going to, like, obviously it's just going to literally exponentially grow. Whereas, like. Okay, so this email also mentions, like, yes, they do keep the bunny population down and the rat population down, which is good, but do we want to.

[Luke Burbank]

Keep the bunny population down?

[Andrew]

I mean, I don't know. They don't bother me too much. They scare me sometimes. One time I was walking home and one of them scared me with his dark black eyes as it hopped across the street. But I'm the only person who's scared of bunnies. I don't know what the.

[Luke Burbank]

Definitely a new one.

[Andrew]

I do think that you need. You can't have. I mean, there are a lot of bunnies in our neighborhood and they don't bother me. But I understand that you probably need a balance. And I think there are like booms and busts of bunnies, which is a Looney Tunes show I'm working on. But I, you know, there are. They're kind of cycles as they, as they kind of breed. But then like the kind of predatory cycles I think sort of come and go. And I do think you want balance in these things. But if you have a coyote population that doesn't have any natural predators, then it's only going to continue to grow and grow and grow in one direction, Right?

[Luke Burbank]

I guess so. I guess it just, I feel like generally speaking, we're trying to revive species of animals. And I just. What I know about humans is we're usually making life worse for animals in some way. And it's just interesting that we have these. This coyote thing where they've actually like, they figured out how to throw. Not only exist, but thrive.

[Andrew]

Yeah, they're. They're thriving. And again, maybe you have, you have rogues like my neighbor across the street who's feeding them. That's no good. But, yeah, I mean, I don't know what. They're probably surviving on these. These rodents or whatever. So they have a food supply. They. They aren't practicing safe sex like you recommend, and so they're just only going to move in one direction.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the good news is that it sounds like Bingo has not been on the menu for them of late, which is a good thing.

[Andrew]

Nope. He's not even emails.

[Luke Burbank]

I have an important question for you. Would it be like, I'm doing the show from D.C. today, so we don't have our cameras on, but, you know, typically we do. We can see each other during the show. Would it be distracting to you if when I was doing the show, I was sitting comfortably on a couch going forward?

[Andrew]

No, I don't. I don't think I have much of an opinion on that because I am.

[Luke Burbank]

Sitting on a couch right now in the hotel room. In fact, I've been on this couch all week, and I'm loving it. Like, I don't know. I mean, this is. You know, I started out, like, when I think I got the Madrona Hill studio going. I think I might have been standing, certainly when I was in Portland. I was standing when I was doing the show. And now I'm sitting on one of those kind of, like, ergonomic chairs. But I'd never. I mean, I see all these clips on TikTok of people podcasting, and they're always sitting on couches, and they're always kind of leaned back, and they're very relaxed. And I have a little small kind of love seat in this hotel room. And so I set up my. My recording equipment in such a way that I can just sit here and, like, chat with you while I'm relaxed on the couch. And it is. It's phenomenal. I don't know if my broadcasting is improving or, in fact, suffering from this, but I feel. I feel great. I feel relaxed. I could also maybe lie down. See, that's the danger is it starts out with I'm just sitting on a couch, and then eventually I'm lying down, and then finally I'm just sleeping through most of the podcast, which I think, again, I don't know if the listeners would. If that would be an improvement or a negative, but I am really liking this couch life this week.

[Andrew]

Seems like it'd be difficult logistically, in your current setup to replace a couch with what you got going on right now.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'd have to do. I'd have to drag a couch over, and I don't know if I'd put it in front of the bookcases. I don't know where I'd move the Daytime Emmys to. There would be a lot to consider. But I'm just saying that I am. I'm kind of into this, and so knowing that. That wouldn't be a distraction for you, would it be distracting you if I was lying down but talking? Not asleep, but it was. That would get pretty therapy pretty fast, I guess.

[Andrew]

I guess so. I mean, maybe we could even explore deeper some of your predilections. But I don't think. I mean, you know what, Luke, as we have this conversation, do I look at. I don't know if I look at you a lot while. Yeah, I look at you.

[Luke Burbank]

You look at me more than I look at you.

[Andrew]

That is not true. You're obsessed with me. You are obsessed with me.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm obsessed with myself. I. I have the camera set up so I'm on both sides of the screen.

[Andrew]

You use AI So it looks like when I'm talking, there's an avatar of you saying my words.

[Luke Burbank]

No, I mean, Onion headline the other day. It was like Trump leaning over to Vance. It's like Trump whispers to Vance, I need you to tell the media you stole my face nine years ago.

[Andrew]

I'll be honest with you. I'm not totally. Not totally sure. Just because he's self conscious about how he looks compared to.

[Luke Burbank]

No. My guess is, I think it's the idea being that then he would be able to run for president again because.

[Andrew]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. I missed the point.

[Luke Burbank]

I think it has something to do with it. I don't even understand the joke. It just made me laugh. You also kind of needed to see the picture. Yeah, that seemed like an insane thing. He would whisper to J.D. vance. Do you know that they just arrested a guy named J.D. vance for threatening to kill J.D. vance? No.

[Andrew]

Did he feel like it was revenge for character assassination?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the article is hilarious because they have to just keep going. Not that JD Vance.

[Andrew]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, JD Vance was in court today. Not that JD Vance. For trying to. You know, for threatening JD Vance. This. You know, they had to keep trying to basically specify for the reader which J.D. vance they were talking about.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah, here it is. The New York Times. Literally, the headline is J.D. vance. Not that one gets two years in prison for threatening the vice president.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. All right. Hey, let's thank some donors. And then I want to talk about space crimes and first kisses.

[Andrew]

Yes, let's. Let's talk about Space kisses. Oh, no, I just looked.

[Luke Burbank]

What happened?

[Andrew]

I just looked ahead in the thank you list and we have a long, long time donor and friend of the show that we're about to thank. And I love thanking him, but unfortunately you can only thank him in one way and then you always apologize for it.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like I retired that last year.

[Andrew]

Did.

[Luke Burbank]

You're talking about our friend Connor Mulcahlhay.

[Andrew]

That's right, Mulcahy.

[Luke Burbank]

Now my new thing is to just say the name wrong. I used to do it real Scottish. Now I'm just missing pronouncing it. That's my new bit.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I don't like. See, that's bad. I feel bad for Connor and I'm sorry that I said oh, no. I mean, I love seeing your name on this list, Connor. I only.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no, Connor's gorgeous.

[Andrew]

Oh, no, he's gorgeous. I don't think he could be guilty. He's gorgeous. I was just saying oh, no, because I knew that you want.

[Luke Burbank]

You.

[Andrew]

You're always looking to do your Scottish.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm always trying to show off my Scottish accent.

[Andrew]

Yes, exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

And Connor Mulcahy of Verona, New Jersey is a good chance to do that. But I'm not gonna do that this year. I'm a relaxed, matured individual, Andrew, who's just sitting back on this couch saying people's names, hopefully the way that they like their names to be said. By the way, these donors are supporting TBTL with financial donations and it's how this whole thing can happen. So thank you. It's 100% listener supported podcasting. Supported by Megan Sibert of Chehalis, Washington. Megan is not super far from where I am at the Madrona Hill studio.

[Andrew]

Oh, Chehalis. That. Yes. See, I always get Chehalis confused with the place where you go and have your shenanigans. You do not have shalelis Shelanigans.

[Luke Burbank]

I didn't know that sentence was going to end. Where you go and have your surgeries.

[Andrew]

Wait, that's turkey. We all know this.

[Luke Burbank]

I got my turkey teeth. I got my turkey hair. That took me the longest time I would see people on TikTok talking about turkey teeth.

[Andrew]

Oh, I never heard.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought that I was picturing like a turkey with teeth or like someone who had like, weird tiny teeth from a. Like the animal, a turkey. I don't think they even have teeth.

[Andrew]

You know, but dentist putting their hand down on a piece of paper and tracing an outline, drawing an outline of it just to make implants.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. No, it would Be teeth that you get in Turkey. There are some of these flights, too. You'll see photographs of it where, like, about half of the people on the flight have gone to Turkey to get, like, a hair transplant situation. And let's just say it could be a little gruesome.

[Andrew]

The trip home.

[Luke Burbank]

The trip home can be a little gruesome. A lot of people whose heads are healing on, like, there'll be, like, 15 people on the flight who all have the same situation going on.

[Andrew]

I'm picturing Tobias, of course, with his. Yes, that's absolutely rejected hair transplant.

[Luke Burbank]

One of the more hilarious and disgusting moments in television history. Yeah. Hey, look who it is. It's Jessica Lucas out there in Haddonfield, New Jersey. We got two new jerseys today. Connors in New Jersey and Jessica's in New Jersey.

[Andrew]

Haddonfield and Verona, where we lay our scene. I don't know. You know, the proximity.

[Luke Burbank]

Look at you getting all Shakespeare. You've been on a real. You're talking about the playwright. What do we. What do we call? Or. No, what do you call Hamlet? When we don't want to say Hamlet.

[Andrew]

We say the Scottish play. That's what we learned yesterday on the show.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, like that. Connor Mulcahy loves.

[Andrew]

I quit. I'm gonna go lay down on a couch.

[Luke Burbank]

That worked out really well. Thanks also to Shannon Fitz, who's in Boone, North Carolina. And, you know, I was about to tell a story about Boone, North Carolina, but then I was about to second guess myself.

[Andrew]

Was it your story? Somebody else's story?

[Luke Burbank]

A story about a story I did about an NFL referee.

[Andrew]

Oh, okay.

[Luke Burbank]

About many years ago. But I think it might have been Booneville, North Carolina. I think they've got a Boone and a Boonville. The story was when I was at the super bowl many years ago, and I was a cub reporter for npr. I was just trying to find some kind of story about football that like, you know, our sort of. My bosses would put on the radio because it's not a huge sports culture there. And I thought, well, how about a story about the referees? Like, how about. Like, who are these people? And what is their. You know, what is. What's. What's their journey been? To get to be the referee, one of the referees at the Super Bowl. And so there was a. I think his name was. One of the officials, I think was named Mark Hittner. And he was, I believe, the. Like, the star quarterback for the football team, I want to say, in Booneville, North Carolina, or maybe Boone, N.C. and. And then one of the other guys lived in Edina, Minnesota, where we've got friends now and. And listeners. And anyway, I did this very nice, very humanizing profile of these referees. These people who come in for a lot of grief at times based on their calls. And then how did they reward me? Andrew, as a Seattle Seahawks with the worst call.

[Andrew]

With the worst call in super bowl.

[Luke Burbank]

History, with the only super bowl that the NFL has officially apologized for. The officiating in the NFL generally does not like to cop to the officiating being bad. I also think. Was there a window of time that they got rid of the instant replay? I feel like, like, we had instant replay. Maybe they just didn't have it yet. So there was a number of plays that if we were in the instant replay era, they would have been overturned immediately, and they weren't. They all went against my beloved Seahawks. But I thought there was some irony there to the fact that I had, like, you know, again, done a very kind of appreciative piece for these officials, and then they thanked me by just absolutely kneecapping my team.

[Andrew]

Can I ask you a question, a serious question about this? Do you think it's your fault?

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe they got cocky.

[Andrew]

They might have just gotten too big of heads. Maybe they were out there thinking about how they were celebrities on National Public Radio and they weren't thinking about the football game that they were officiating. Like, part of their. A small part of their brain was still kind of distracted by the limelight that you shined on them.

[Luke Burbank]

That is. I think that's probably precisely what happened, which is a real bummer because that's the opposite of what I was trying to do. That was some real butterfly effect, right? Like, here I am doing this story about them not realizing that it is ultimately going to take my own team down. Then I had to be in the locker room and, like, there's all the Steelers are celebrating. And also, Troy Palomalu was actually very nice, which I didn't like because I was mad at him.

[Andrew]

I always had a feeling he was a really nice guy.

[Luke Burbank]

In my eight minutes of being around him, he seemed like an absolute sweetheart.

[Andrew]

You also caught him at a really good time.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a really good point.

[Andrew]

No, I think he is a good guy, but, like, that you're. That is the Super Bowl. That is still, like, the best. That is like, one of the best moments in his life. And you get to meet him, then you're right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, if there was somebody in that locker room who wasn't happy, they need to Seek medical advice because that's, that's about as good as it's going to get. You just won the Super Bowl. Also thanks to Alicia Nicholas in Atlantic Beach, Florida.

[Andrew]

That's right. Our pal. Thank you.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you. Have you always. I know you haven't always been in Atlantic Beach, Florida, but I wonder how long you've been in Atlanta Beach, Florida, because.

[Andrew]

Why do you ask around a bit?

[Luke Burbank]

It seems new to me.

[Andrew]

No, I think it's for a while because Alicia was at our, at our Waffle House show and. Yeah. So.

[Luke Burbank]

But realized I could get to a Waffle House. I bet you they have some here in D.C. or at least nearby. I mean, we're south of the Mason Dixon. It's been a long time since I've been in or around a Waffle House.

[Andrew]

Do you have your apron with your special name tag? Didn't they make us name tags? I know you got one from your CBS story, but I thought that we might have gotten name tags, too.

[Luke Burbank]

I feel like, aren't we wearing aprons or something?

[Andrew]

We're definitely wearing aprons. We put on, we donned the aprons, we went behind the counter and we did a show from, I think my laptop balanced on the sink. Right. Or the fryer or something.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, it was very precarious, but it was very fun. It's nice to see everybody who came out for that. Also thanks to Brooke Latsky Davis, who's in San Luis Obispo, California.

[Andrew]

Love it.

[Luke Burbank]

Slo.

[Andrew]

Slo.

[Luke Burbank]

An absolutely beautiful place. Home of the Cold Springs Tavern, one of my favorite restaurants in America. If you're ever out there anywhere near the Cold Springs Tavern, I would highly recommend that you check it out, folks.

[Andrew]

One of your favorite restaurants in America.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, that's Spring Tavern I went to.

[Andrew]

I would have never had Tavern at the end of a bar that or at the end of a restaurant that you would describe as your favorite in America.

[Luke Burbank]

I know it's not, but it's not tavern food per se. That's kind of a slightly misleading name. It's this, it's tucked back in the woods. I think you drive through like a sort of a mountain pass to get to it. Some, like, coastal mountains. And right about in the middle of the coastal mountains, you pull off at the Cold Springs Tavern. I think one of their big things, believe it or not, is Santa Maria Tri Tip, which is again, not something I probably go in for a lot these days. But back in, in the days when I was going there, it was pretty great. So, you know, I might have mentioned on the show. But I went to this place. Oh, I did tell you about it. That was one of the best meals I've had in a long time. In Portland, a restaurant called l'. Orange. As in like La Orange, the French way of saying orange.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And, and yeah, I got. I don't know if I had this confirmation or I was telling you how the waiting area was crazy in that there was no waiting area. It was just a hallway because it's.

[Andrew]

In a converted now. I'm remembering. Yes. It took me a second. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And. And I was like, well, that just must have been a temporary thing because they were doing construction or something. And then we were talking to some of our friends who've been going to that place for years, and they said, no, that's just the deal. Just, you just have to stand awkwardly in this hallway and plaster yourself against the wall as the waiters and other customers are trying to walk by and bring food and go to the bathroom and stuff. But other than that, would also recommend that La Orange and I would recommend thanking all of our donors today for making TBTL possible. We could not do this without you, so thank you for your generosity.

[Andrew]

Hello and welcome to Top Story.

[Luke Burbank]

Do you remember this story from some time ago on the show, Andrew, when we talked about a couple, I don't know if they were. I think they were married at one point, who are going through a divorce. One of them is an astronaut. Her name is Anne McLean. And this was her wife, Summer Worden, who was accusing the astronaut Anne McLean of Illegally Accessing her bank account from space.

[Andrew]

Right. You've been teasing this follow up story for like a week now. And I keep not clicking on it and thinking, Luke will remind me. Cause I do not remember us talking about space crimes. But now that's all you had to tell me. I do remember that, but that was a long time ago, right? Geez Louise, that was several houses ago for me, I believe, when we were talking about that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, well, so they were going through a contentious divorce, which is when she basically claimed that her wife, the astronaut, had logged into her bank account from space illegally and was doing this to basically mess with her. Well, I mean, this seems to be something that the government is quite interested in. I'm surprised. I mean, it seems like, I don't know, a kind of a minor detail, like if, if, if they don't think that the astronaut was logged into the account, fine. You know, don't. I don't know, don't side with the, with the, the other person. In the divorce, but it's actually a criminal matter. She faces up to five years in prison and a quarter million dollar fine potentially for basically filing a false claim about space crime. So what they have, what they have alleged, I think they have. I don't want to say I figured out if they're still alleging it, but I think basically they went in. I'm surprised that they took this, this seriously. They went in and they figured out something having to do with the passwords and basically a bunch of stuff associated with the account. And they decided they determined that the astronaut had permission to be in the bank account. This has been the astronauts contention the whole time was we were married, I was doing normal banking stuff in space. Which by the way, also wild. Like it never occurred to me that while they're in space on the space station, they're also balancing their checkbook, as it were.

[Andrew]

Right.

[Luke Burbank]

They're also paying their bills online. Like isn't that kind of surprising?

[Andrew]

I mean I'm also, I can't think of a way to express the formation or the hint of a joke that I have in the back of my head about this story. Like imagine trying to explain to like 1950s man, this story. Wait a second, right there. What's crazier?

[Luke Burbank]

The space part of the online banking.

[Andrew]

Oh wait, they went to space. Wait, wait, it's a woman astronaut. Wait, wait, wait, wait. The woman is married to another woman.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Andrew]

They're banking in space? Like, I just sort of feel like there's a lot that would really blow the mind of people in the not too distant past.

[Luke Burbank]

And then they were. Somebody was podcasting about it six years later.

[Andrew]

Right, right.

[Luke Burbank]

But it was 2019, apparently when the story first surfaced that this person was being accused of a space crime. Which by the way, it says in the article, first time there's alleged to have been a crime committed in space. Which now they're saying there was no crime, she was allowed to be in the account. But again, I'm a little bit surprised that this is a criminal matter. It just seems like when people get divorced and if there's one thing I know from Andrew, it's divorces, you know, there's a lot of stuff that flies back and forth and saying like, well, she went into my account when she wasn't supposed to or something. Seemed like the kind of thing that the judge would just disregard if it didn't. Wasn't sort of proved to be true. But, but what they figured out was, or what they have decided is that the astronaut was in the account, but had permission, had been given permission by the other person to be in the account. And therefore when, when her now ex wife accused her of, of being in there illegally from space, that itself was a crime, which again, she is now going to potentially do some jail time over and pay a huge fine.

[Andrew]

So for, for, for making these false allegations.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, exactly. I also feel like if her wife, now ex wife, would not have been in space. Well, A, we wouldn't have heard about this story and B, I feel like the government would not be coming after her.

[Andrew]

You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Like, it just seems like again, you know, I mean, it's obviously it's a serious matter. If you accuse someone of a crime and they didn't do it, that's not cool. But there's a lot of disagreement again in a divorce about who was doing what, when and what they had permission to do. Like, okay, we have this, you know, bank account. You've got the password to it. There was a period of time where it was cool for you to be in there moving money around or doing whatever, but now I say that that period of time is over. Well, maybe you disagree, maybe you're like, well, I had that different timeline on that. It just seems like a, a very small civil matter between two people who are getting divorced. The idea that this, she could have a quarter of a million dollar fine and do whatever. It was five years in prison potentially for this. I just don't think they'd be coming after her if her wife worked at, I don't know, hud. I just went by the HUD building too. That's why, by the way, the Housing and Urban development building in D.C. is very cool. I'm very into it. It's kind of a brutal, kind of updated, brutalist architecture. But I feel like if the, if the astronaut instead worked at hud, I just don't think that this. Again, I don't think we'd be talking about it and I don't think that the federal government would have been coming after the, the ex wife. But anyway, that is the update on space crimes. We are still.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

As far as we know, Andrew, space crime free. There has still never been a crime committed in space that we know.

[Andrew]

Yeah, I mean that's the, that we're a little bit burying the lead here. Especially as it, I don't know, potentially could relate to us. Like nobody has committed a space crime yet, which I know that it's still.

[Luke Burbank]

Out there for the doing.

[Andrew]

Yeah. It's unlikely that you and I are Going to be in a position to break that record. Is that a record we'd be breaking? The first space crime, I guess, to reach that milestone. Maybe reach the milestone. But I mean, somehow, I mean, you know, strange things happen in this life.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait for Jeff Bezos to come back on the market. That's the only way I'm getting to space.

[Andrew]

Get back into the space market or get into.

[Luke Burbank]

Or.

[Andrew]

You mean that you're going to date him and he's going to take you?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I'm going to date him. I'm going to pull a Lauren Sanchez.

[Andrew]

Oh, does he take. Does he take his paramours into space? I actually don't know about this.

[Luke Burbank]

You did not. This was like the biggest story. This was practically the biggest story of maybe like a year ago, which maybe.

[Andrew]

I just forgot about everybody.

[Luke Burbank]

Gayle King and Katy Perry went into space.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, we talked about the Katy Perry and the Gayle King. I don't think I realized that the other person was his wife. His now wife.

[Luke Burbank]

His now wife. They just got married in Venice. Lauren Sanchez, one time of Entertainment Tonight fame.

[Andrew]

Oh, of course, I, of course I knew about that trip to space. But you know what? I didn't realize the third person, I didn't realize that the Ringo, star of that crew was Bezos's fiance at the.

[Luke Burbank]

Time, the Yoko Ono. Although, you know what? I've been reconsidering that. I feel like it's too easy to blame Yoko Ono for, I don't know, whatever stuff with the Beatles. But, like, there's a lot of indication that Yoko Ono is actually a pretty talented artist in her own right. And maybe we're being reductive by. By just, you know, always sort of using that as shorthand for like when someone kind of messes something up for people.

[Andrew]

I agree with that. And, you know, I'm almost embarrassed about, because, you know, I grew up. I mean, that was. I mean, that was the, the cultural joke. And the Beatles were such a huge part of the, the boomers who raised us. That was just like, you know, that was, that was always the punchline of the joke. So not only is it kind of a tired joke anyway at this point, but yeah, the older I get, like, I don't know that her art would necessarily be for you. And I necessarily, like I read a. There I was following like a cartoonist and illustrator who would write not funny, but very personal memoir esque short stories and post them. I must have followed them on Instagram and they were in Asian American person Younger than me, I think they. Them pronouns, maybe she, her pronouns. I honestly can't remember, but wrote this, like, really impactful piece, an illustrated piece about how Yoko Ono affected them. The first time they went to a museum or some sort of art space and there was a Yoko Ono exhibit that encouraged you to participate in it by kind of screaming at the top of your lungs and like, you know, and that. That's kind of. That was the easy joke about Yoko's music and her contribution to stuff that she and John were doing. And again, it might not be for everybody, but to read somebody who was just like, I am a very shy person who, like, didn't really fit into the society the way society kind of has these strictures around everything. And this was a moment of, like, freedom for me that made me kind of understand art differently and my place in it. Like, anyway, all of it was kind of like, it doesn't mean that I have to become me, Andrew Walsh, the biggest Yoko Ono fan. But it really. It's just that you never know what you're just going to bump into on the Internet. That's really going to kind of change the way that you view something, you know? And again, I'm not saying everybody has to go out and spend tons of time consuming Yoko Ono's art, but maybe I feel a little bit more of a whole person thinking about Yoko Ono now than I did before taking five minutes to read one person's personal exploration of her work.

[Luke Burbank]

I've always said that the Beatles broke up Yoko Ono.

[Andrew]

That's what you've always said you've been out front of.

[Luke Burbank]

That's always been fun.

[Andrew]

Now you're going for points. Now you're like, I'm the guy. I'm the white guy who's always turned around a 10.

[Luke Burbank]

Scientists think they have figured out when animals on this planet started kissing. I think it was 21 million years ago.

[Andrew]

Now you say animals. I didn't read this one either, but. So it's not just humans.

[Luke Burbank]

It's not just humans. They think that basically they think that that about their study suggests. I'm reading from the BBC here, by the way. This is written by Victoria Gill. The study suggests that mouth on mouth kisses evolved more than 21 million years ago and was something that the common ancestor of humans and other great apes probably indulged in. The same research concluded that Neanderthals may have kissed also and that humans and Neanderthals may even have kissed each other. The scientists studied kissing because it presents something of an evolutionary Puzzle. It has no obvious survival or reproductive benefits, and yet it is something that is seen not just in human societies, but across the animal kingdom. Polar bears kiss. Let's see, there's a whole list of animals here in the story that kiss that I was very surprised by for some reason. Polar bears surprised me too. Prairie dogs, wolves, albatrosses.

[Andrew]

Can I ask a question about these animals kissing?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew]

Does this article specifically say that they're kissing in the same manner? And I don't mean physical manner, but I mean in. Is there definitely romance involved and not some other kind of bonding?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, they published an article in the journal Evolution in Human Behavior and this is how they defined kissing. A non aggressive directed oral to oral contact with some movement of lips or mouth parts and no food transfer.

[Andrew]

Oh, you're getting me hot.

[Luke Burbank]

I know. That's how I do it.

[Andrew]

Well, I got a little, I got a little food transfer. I'm not going to lie.

[Luke Burbank]

Hey baby, would you like a little non aggressive directed oral to oral contact with some movement of lips and no food transfer?

[Andrew]

And can we just change it to limited food transfer? In my particular case.

[Luke Burbank]

The lead researcher, Dr. Matilda Brindle, said humans, chimps and bonobos all kisses. And she said it's likely that their most recent common ancestor kissed. So they basically think that some, something in our kind of evolutionary history was doing this. They have some theories about maybe sort of why we did it or why this got started while the study pinpointed when kissing evolved. Again, no offense, no offense, and God bless these scientists. But the article says while this study pinpointed when kissing evolved, it's like, did it. They're kind of guessing at this, right?

[Andrew]

A little bit, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

21 million years ago, we're thinking maybe that's when it started. But they were not able to answer the question of why. There are already a number of theories. These are the theories for kissing. That it arose from grooming behavior in our ape ancestors or that it might provide an intimate way to assess the health and even the compatibility of a partner. I can definitely chime in on that one. For me, not to get too personal, but like, if somebody is a bad kisser, that's, that would be a big, big time problem for me. That's like a very, like, particularly if it's someone that you're, you know, gonna date or marry or be with a lot. Like, that's a compatibility factor that kind of, for me, I think really needs to, really needs to work.

[Andrew]

It's how we ended up with John Sklarov. As our business guy. I mean, I don't know if he knows this, but he wasn't actually the. The very first choice on the list. It's just that the first person was not a good kisser, so.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep.

[Andrew]

Yeah, but that.

[Luke Burbank]

All's well that ends well.

[Andrew]

That was your call. I believe that's the part of. If I were to say that this is the part, I. You know what John is saying right now out loud as he's listening to that joke, right? He's saying, we need an HR department.

[Luke Burbank]

Maybe we'll talk about that during our meeting next week. But, yeah, so they think that. They think that maybe we, you know, animals started kissing to. To sort of, I don't know, assess the health of a possible mate or something. And. And here we are doing it 21 million years later. Even the polar bears. So if you were curious about the origins of kissing, now, you know.

[Andrew]

What song is it? It feels like a song from an era that you would appreciate. Even polar bears do it. Isn't that like.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, bees do it, birds do it.

[Andrew]

Even pollin.

[Luke Burbank]

Bears do it, Bees do it, birds do it. Even something. Some things do it. Let's do it, let's fall in love.

[Andrew]

That's. Yeah, that feel. Am I right in thinking that that would be something on Susie Beeves playlist? Maybe it just has sort of wood.

[Luke Burbank]

Is it baroque?

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week, I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

All right. Emails are vmails. Sir.

[Andrew]

Yeah, Luke, I have a email that. I'm sorry, A voicemail that I want to share with you. Boy, the choice of two, and I chose the wrong one.

[Luke Burbank]

You didn't call it a D mail, so you got that comment?

[Andrew]

No, I didn't. I don't want to get sued by the estate. Luke, I told you this before the show. Like, I'm struggling with this voicemail I'm about to play for everybody, because part of me, instead of playing it, wants to write back to the person saying, hey, could you maybe clarify the end of the story? Because I think what happens is this listener who we're going to hear a very compelling story from, she says in the voicemail that she has laryngitis. So it's a little bit hard to hear what she's saying. So that's fine. I definitely don't want to pile on somebody who's under the weather, but this story has me on the edge of my seat. I'm listening to It. But then at the very, very end, I think there's a little bit of confusion of how this story ends. So listen along with me, Luke, and listen very carefully to the last like 30 seconds or so because we need to make sure that we're interpreting this ending correctly. Are you with me? Was this a good setup? Did I need to do that?

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely.

[Andrew]

I don't know.

[Luke Burbank]

And I would. Well, listen, I'll listen to the voicemail. Then I went weigh in on Bluetooth technology.

[Andrew]

Okay. Yes, exactly. I do believe that this is partially laryngitis, but probably more Bluetooth technology related. That kind of maybe like confuses the end here. But let's listen to the beginning at least.

[Listener Catherine]

Hello, this is listener Catherine in Scranton, Pennsylvania, listening to Luke talk. Sorry I have laryngitis but needed to share this. Listening to Luke talk about crying, watching her on an airplane, I needed to tell one of my favorite moviegoing stories of my life.

[Andrew]

So just to be very clear, talking about the movie her from about 10 years ago that you recently rewatched on an airplane involved the plot involves a man falling in love with an AI technology.

[Listener Catherine]

I went to see her by myself in the middle of the day on New Year's Day, the year that it came out, after having gone to a horrific New Year's Eve party with a boyfriend that I stayed with already by that point, three months too long and sort of half broke up with at 1am the night before for some reason decided I needed to go see her 12pm the next day. And I went. And all of the existential angst about connection and ever falling in love again, I started sobbing uncontrollably about halfway through the film, by the way. At the time I was maybe 24. I can't really remember the math right now, but I was so young. But I was just so decided that I was never going to ever feel anything ever again. And I just started sobbing and then I was so, so embarrassed because I could not stop crying through the whole movie. So I decided that when everybody in the movie ended, I was just going to let everybody else leave the theater so that nobody would know that I was the girl who could not stop crying because it was audible. It was so embarrassing. I should have left. But like, I don't know, I was 24 and idiot. And so I decided to sit there and I let everybody leave and I finally look up from my phone and there are two guys standing at the bottom of the stairs in this movie theater, the Landmark in Chicago, great movie theater on Clark. I Hope it's still there. And I hear one say to the other, just leave her alone. The other one goes, no, we need to make sure she's okay. And he comes walking up the stairs, and he's like, honey, are you all right? And it's like, no, I think I need to break up with my boyfriend. And she said, oh, girl, just break up with him. It'll be okay. He was right, and it was great. And it was by my wonderful husband, who I did not break up with that day, just opened the door because he thought I wasn't okay and didn't know I was on the phone.

[Luke Burbank]

Wait, what?

[Listener Catherine]

It's my story about the Her Yes. Readiness. What you do is so important.

[Andrew]

You can hear some Bluetooth stuff going on at the end. I'm really mad at Bluetooth right now because I don't think it's the laryngitis. I swear it's the Bluetooth on that. I think what we heard was. I can't tell what the moviegoer says to her, but says something like, girl, it's gonna be okay, or something.

[Luke Burbank]

And then I think the moviegoer said, break up with him maybe.

[Andrew]

But then the important thing is, it sounds like at the end she's distracted because her husband, just like in real time, walks in the door at the end of the voicemail that she's leaving us and says, this is my husband, whom I did not break up with that day. So did she end up not breaking up with that boyfriend and is now married and he's the person who, like, kind of broke up the end of this call for us?

[Luke Burbank]

No, I think somewhere in the dropout, she was talking about how I don't know if possibly one of the two guys is who she's married to now. The two guys that were, oh, checking on her to see if she was okay.

[Andrew]

That's where I thought the story was going. When that part of the story was introduced, I thought, oh, maybe she's going to end up with one of these guys, the one who was concerned. I want to listen to the end of this again and see, because we have a little bit of a mystery on our hands here, and maybe I did misinterpret it.

[Listener Catherine]

Honey, are you all right? No, I think I need to break up with my boyfriend. And she said, oh, girl, just break up a.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Listener Catherine]

It'll be okay. He was right. And it was. And it was by my wonderful husband, who I did not break up with that day, just opened the door because he thought I wasn't okay. And didn't know I was on the phone.

[Andrew]

So. Okay, so she.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. No, you're right.

[Andrew]

Did she break up or not? I can't tell if she.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, let me tell you. What if that's her wonderful, wonderful husband who she said she stayed with for two, three months too long. That's a power move. You're putting that guy on notice.

[Andrew]

When she says at the end, maybe she's just joking when she says, this is my husband, not a guy that I broke up with. That.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, maybe it's that, like, basically, this is. This is a guy I stuck with. And maybe she met him years later. Like, he's unrelated to this story. It would be cute if he was one of the guys who went to check on her.

[Andrew]

Yes. So these are the three options. This fella. This fella who just walked in the door at the end of this voicemail is either one not involved in the story at all. Just a fella that she would meet later and then ends up marrying. He's the guy who came up to her and said, is everything okay? Just break up with that guy. Or she never broke up with that guy at all and now they're married. But I feel like that's not. That's not what happened.

[Luke Burbank]

I would be shocked if it's door number three.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Just because of how she was talking about the boyfriend again. Maybe that's their thing. If it is.

[Andrew]

Wow.

[Luke Burbank]

I respect the open and frank dialogue.

[Andrew]

Yeah. I mean, you get through things. And again, like with. You know how it is if you're in a relationship for a long time and then you look back at tougher times, you're like, oh, well, we got through that. We can laugh about it. But anyway, yeah. So I don't know if I should have played that voicemail or not, because it leaves. I just was on the edge of my seat the whole time. But then you also have better ears than me. Believe it. Not only better looking ears, but also they work better.

[Luke Burbank]

You were right about the end of the phone call, though. I do believe in real time, the current husband popped in because he heard her talking and wanted to make sure she was okay or something. And. And so that was what that was a reference to. But the question is, and what would. Do you remember the name of this listener?

[Andrew]

Oh, you know, I wrote it down as anonymous, but I think they did say their name. I think she said her name at the beginning. I can't remember, though.

[Luke Burbank]

Whoever this is, get back to us, please. And will you tell us the end of the story. Now listen, I thought we were going to. When you said Bluetooth, I kind of. Honestly, what I was thinking of is not even really Bluetooth. The thing that I wanted to rant against is not Bluetooth. It's actually just car microphones. Like, they don't work as well as people think they work in my experience. And like, so when I'm in my car talking to someone, I always put it on speakerphone on my phone. That feels like the safe way, a relatively safe way to do it because I know the speakerphone on my phone works fine. But what I never trust is my car stereo. And like I listen to the Howard Stern show a lot and they take a lot of calls and people are always, they're waiting for hours and then they finally get on the air and they're just using the built in microphone in their car and then the show can't hear them. And then Howard Stearns gets irate and hangs up on him. And I just want to tell everyone in the world the microphone hidden in your car for your phone calls does not work as well as you think it works. We all need to go back to speakerphone on the speaker.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Especially for broadcast stuff or podcasting or whatever. Like if I'm just checking with Genevieve, just like, hey, you know, like this is what I'm planning on making for dinner tonight or whatever, that's absolutely fine. And again, believe it or not, I don't know if this comes across or not, but I don't want to sound lecture towards our listeners. In fact, I think I got, I remember way back in the Facebook days when I was on Facebook, some listener was very hurt and expressed a lot of like, I think sadness and anger towards me because I had called out the quality of her phone calls, even though somebody who often left voice messages. And I loved the voice messages. And my, I think my point on the show was just like, I wish we could play more of these because it's just very difficult and it's just the technology. It's not a personal thing. But, you know, and I also acknowledge this is how most people talk on the phone these days. And if people are like walking, you know, they're on a walk and they're listening to the podcast or they're driving, they're listening to the podcast, they're not going to like go home or pull the car over, turn off the phone, get the rotary phone out, get the rotary phone out, say Garfield 1 2, 3 2, 3, which is a jingle I grew up with anyway, so I understand you want to call in the moment, otherwise you're not going to call at all. And I don't want the voicemail line to be barren. But also, there are just. I mean, people just don't understand how many calls I don't to want play because it's on Bluetooth and it's just very difficult to tell what a lot of people are saying. And then if you add the driving thing that you're throwing in there. Luke, forget about. Stop remembering about.

[Luke Burbank]

Stop remembering that.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, listen, and I want to say to this listener, that was a very compelling message. Please call us and fill in the details. And I'm with you, Andrew. We would. More calls is more better. We would love to hear your calls, but if you call in and maybe we don't play it, one of the issues could be that we were not able to hear you through your headphone technology. So just bear that in mind.

[Andrew]

Yeah. All right.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, my friend.

[Andrew]

Is that what we got? That's what we got for that day.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a Friday show for you, my friend. It's time to slide down that dinosaur and slide on into the weekend. So thanks for listening, everyone. That brings us to the end of our broadcast week, but we will be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio. I'll be back home at the Madrona Hill studio. Very excited about that. Thanksgiving week.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah. Okay. And then you have another kind of nightmare travel scenario after. Yes. You get three days at home. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

[Luke Burbank]

That's right. And I'm looking forward to enjoy it. So thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back here on Monday with more imaginary radio. In the meantime, have a great weekend. Stay safe, Take care of yourselves. Get off that Bluetooth, please. Remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew]

And good luck to all, but drive safely. Power out.