Transcript

Andrew Walsh (0:00)

Sorry.

Luke Burbank (0:01)

Broke the egg yolk.

Andrew Walsh (0:02)

I almost had it.

Luke Burbank (0:03)

I had what?

Andrew Walsh (0:05)

The perfect egg bite.

Luke Burbank (0:06)

Enough with the perfect egg bite. What's the perfect egg bite?

Andrew Walsh (0:09)

It's everything on your breakfast plate in one perfect bite.

Becca (0:13)

That sounds great.

Luke Burbank (0:14)

How do you do that?

Andrew Walsh (0:16)

I could take you through it if you want to see it. All right, well, first you start with a piece of rye toast. It's got to be nice and dense so it can handle all the weight. So you take the toast and you put some butter on it. Now, you gotta make sure that you don't put too much. Cause it's gotta melt into the toast. Next thing after that is half a container of purple jelly.

Becca (0:38)

Okay, you mean grape?

Andrew Walsh (0:41)

Yeah, I guess that's grape. Put that on there really nice. And then here's the melsky secret hash browns. It both keeps it separate, yet somehow unifies it into one cohesive structure. After the hash browns, it's time for the ketchup. I put it on in a W for wazz.

Becca (1:04)

That's right.

Andrew Walsh (1:04)

And it's also the most efficient way to distribute the ketchup. So each bite has a little bit.

Becca (1:09)

Of it in it.

Andrew Walsh (1:10)

Now, this is the perfect combination of flavors, but it's incomplete. It's time for the crown jewel, the over easy, Sunny side up egg. You put the over easy egg on it so that the yolk is facing the corner. Now, the trick of getting the perfect egg bite is getting all the flavors and the unbroken yolk into your mouth. Because if it's broken, it's ruined. If we've done, our gonna have a pretty good egg bite. I love you, babe. Here we go.

Becca (1:51)

Summary

TBTL #4618: “A Real Mild Card”

Date: December 12, 2025
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

Episode Overview

On this Friday edition of TBTL, Luke and Andrew catch up on life’s minor anxieties and modest aspirations, from the bittersweet closure of local institutions to the etiquette of “shoes off” house parties, and a detailed scheme to achieve the perfect egg bite. The conversation flows between nostalgia, minor grievances, and classic TBTL banter, sprinkled with warm stories about family, technical podcast upgrades, and midlife contentment with staying in. As always, listeners are invited to eavesdrop on a show that lives at the intersection of comfort, comedy, and the perils of adulthood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Pursuit of the Perfect Egg Bite

[00:01 – 01:50]

Andrew describes his quest for “the perfect egg bite”: dense rye toast with butter, “purple jelly” (grape), hash browns, ketchup artfully applied in a “W” for “wazz,” and a perfectly runny over-easy egg, yolk unbroken.
Notable quote:

“The trick of getting the perfect egg bite is getting all the flavors and the unbroken yolk into your mouth. Because if it’s broken, it’s ruined.” — Andrew, [01:10]
This moment typifies TBTL’s blend of obsession over trivial things and intimate friendship.
Becca and Luke react with affectionate mock seriousness.

Friday Vibes and Fog in the Northwest

[02:44 – 04:56]

Luke introduces the show amid “full fog” in the Columbia area, reflecting on the strange, almost balmy weather and the persistent rain in the Northwest.
Luke laments “nature healing” and tongue-in-cheek muses on what this means for the future.

The Sad March of Seattle Institutions Closing

[04:56 – 07:10]

Luke is semi-mourning the loss of three important places:
- Wild Waves, a beloved local water park
- Jimmy’s Corner Bar, Times Square, NYC
- The Shanty, a classic Seattle dive bar
Andrew brings news of the Water Wheel’s imminent closure.
Nostalgia and mild existential dread about losing places from youth and adulthood permeate the discussion.

“This is why I can’t have nice things.” — Luke, [04:56]

Weekend Plans & Technical Podcast Upgrades

[07:11 – 10:47]

Andrew talks about holiday plans (Christmas tree shopping, a low-key birthday, waiting eagerly for a new microphone stand)—a “big weekend” in his book.
Both hosts revel in the joys and tribulations of podcast audio gear, detailing Andrew’s anticipation for finally using a studio-quality mic on a proper arm.

“This new microphone stand introduces a whole new era of microphone usage for me. The shotgun microphone will become a backup…so much more comfortable and way do you hear how much better the show is going to be!” — Andrew, [09:20]

“Shoes-Off” House Social Anxiety

[10:47 – 22:24]

Andrew considers bailing on a New Year’s Eve party at a “shoes off” house, insisting that socializing in socks makes him feel “infantilized;” he wants to be “fully dressed.”
Luke, from Portland, admits to feeling similarly, then recounts an awkward shoes-off debate with a younger (and, as it turns out, also “shoes-off”) acquaintance at LiveWire.

“I feel very vulnerable. I cannot socialize with my shoes off...unless we’re jumping in a ball pit, which I’m gonna opt out of anyway.” — Andrew, [11:33]
“I feel slightly infantilized when I’m in my socks around other people.” — Luke, [13:01]
Luke proposes slippers as a compromise; Andrew vetoes, not wanting to draw attention.
Discussion morphs into cultural/generational divides over shoes-off houses, hygiene rationales, and the relative comfort of being adults who say “no” to invitations.
Listeners are reminded: TBTL is a space for neurotic comfort zones.

Nostalgia & New Year’s Eve Preferences

[22:24 – 24:53]

Both hosts reflect on their preference for small, cozy, at-home New Year’s celebrations versus crowded, high-pressure public events.

“I’ve never cared about New Year’s Eve or St. Patrick’s Day or any of these days that are supposed to be...celebratory because of this or that.” — Andrew, [21:47] “If I could have my absolute druthers this year, I would be doing New Year’s Eve at my house with maybe a maximum of six or seven people and ringing in the new year.” — Luke, [24:53]

The Slipper/Bootie Debate Continues

[25:25 – 28:29]

Becca reveals she owns “about 900-1,000” realtor-style disposable booties for guests; a solution neither host really wants to use, evoking further laughs about house rules and social expectations.

Donor Appreciation and TBTL Community

[28:49 – 51:46]

Luke and Andrew thank supporting listeners (“the financial lifeblood of TBTL”), reminiscing about old friends, favorite places (Carlsbad, NH, Omaha, St. Charles), and childhood songs about friendship.

“At some point we will have monetized all our friends and family, and then, I don’t know, I guess we’ll just ride off into the sunset.” — Luke, [31:30]
Honesty and authenticity in relationships is a recurring topic.
Discussion segues into side conversations about insurance mishaps, the perils of boat ownership, and how the boat crash years ago wound up on Luke’s auto insurance—classic TBTL meandering.

Sneaker Discourse & Disability in Casting

[47:14 – 51:41]

Extended riff on the movie Sneakers, specifically Robert Redford’s age-inappropriate casting as a college student.
Brief but thoughtful digression into casting sighted actors as blind characters; a callout for feedback from visually impaired listeners.

Walt Burbank: A Saga of Over-Preparation

[51:56 – 64:42]

Luke narrates his dad (Walt) attempting to book a timeshare for his sister—a comic escalation involving multiple devices, address anxieties, ticking reservation timers, and a climactic phone call.

“My dad is like one of the sweetest, most peace-loving people that I know…There is one weird thing…when he’s on the phone…he is just all worked up.” — Luke, [62:45]
Luke exercises restraint in not correcting his dad, reflects self-deprecatingly on his lack of chill, and celebrates the happy (if stressful) resolution—relatable family dynamics.

Nostalgia & Trivia about Seattle Bars

[67:43 – 73:12]

Luke waxes nostalgic about Shanty Tavern—its “Little Abner” sign, proximity to Seattle’s vice district, and its role in his childhood understanding of “where grownups go to sin.”
Andrew recounts the wholesome backstory of the bar’s owner, John Spaccartelli—a Korean War vet, classic Seattle character, and long-time community supporter.

The End of Wild Waves: Local Water Park Icon

[73:12 – 87:46]

Wild Waves, the legendary Federal Way water park, is closing after one final summer (2026).
Luke is emotional about this symbol of childhood joy, reminiscing about school field trips, the magical possibility of seeing a crush in swimwear, and the ultimate class trip.
Hosts debate possible reasons for the closure: post-pandemic costs, shifting youth interests, or changes in social behavior (like buffet avoidance post-COVID).
They tell a family tale of capering: using a hand-stamp relay to sneak a dozen people into Wild Waves during $10 day (“if we had a family crest, it would be us sneaking into wild waves as a family.” — Luke, [78:14])
Andrew, a Wild Waves skeptic (“it always looked kind of sad from the highway,” [80:01]), is gently corrected by Luke, who gives regional/contextual flavor to why it mattered.

Public Pools, Chlorine, and Urban Legends

[87:46 – 88:16]

Segue into the classic “pee in the pool turns water blue” myth; both hosts investigate and confirm via NPR that chlorine’s “pool smell” does intensify with urine and organic matter.
A Grown Ups (2010) movie clip is played, lampooning the “urine indicator dye” trope.

Episode Wrap & Looking Forward

[89:47 – end]

Andrew teases a gripping listener voicemail to be played on Monday’s show, adding to TBTL’s allure of casual intimacy and ongoing stories.
Briefly, the hosts discuss Seahawks, their sad fantasy football misadventures, and jokes about Philip Rivers’ retirement and possible return.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Perfect Egg Bite:

“The trick of getting the perfect egg bite is getting all the flavors and the unbroken yolk into your mouth. Because if it’s broken, it’s ruined.” — Andrew, [01:10]

On “Shoes Off” Anxieties:

“I feel very vulnerable. I cannot socialize with my shoes off… Unless we’re jumping in a ball pit, which I’m gonna opt out of anyway.” — Andrew, [11:33]

TBTL Community Existence:

“At some point we will have monetized all our friends and family, and then, I don’t know, I guess we’ll just ride off into the sunset.” — Luke, [31:30]

Family Chaos:

“It was like the movie Sneakers, Andrew. If you think about it, it’s a countdown before you get locked out of the system permanently.” — Luke, [56:43]

On Wild Waves:

“…if we had a family crest, it would be us sneaking into wild waves as a family.” — Luke, [78:14]

Key Timestamps

00:01 — Andrew’s breakfast and the perfect egg bite
04:56 — Luke laments closing of Wild Waves, Jimmy’s Corner, the Shanty
07:35 — Podcast technical upgrade excitement
10:47 — Shoes-off-party debate
17:23 — Cultural notes: shoe etiquette by nationality
22:24 — New Year’s Eve party philosophy
28:49 — Donor thanks and TBTL community
35:21 — Boat crash goes on Luke’s auto insurance
47:14 — Movie “Sneakers” discussion, disability and casting
51:56 — Walt Burbank’s overcomplicated timeshare booking
67:43 — The Shanty Tavern’s final days
73:12 — Reflecting on the significance and closure of Wild Waves
87:46 — Pool myths, chlorine truths
89:47 — Monday show preview & wrap up

Episode Tone & Takeaway

This episode is classic TBTL: nostalgic, funny, gently self-deprecating, and filled with hyper-specific anxieties. The chemistry between Luke and Andrew, their affection for the minutiae of life, and the warmth towards listeners make for engaging, comfort-listening radio. Long-timers will delight in running gags and deep-cuts; new listeners get a strong flavor of what TBTL is all about—finding meaning and community in the “big feelings” about small things.

Power Out!

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#4618 A Real Mild Card