TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

Episode #4665: “Yossarian's Ulta”

Air Date: February 17, 2026
Hosts: Luke Burbank & Andrew Walsh

Overview

In this episode, Luke and Andrew deliver their classic blend of personal anecdotes and playful banter, diving deep into topics ranging from the quirks of aging and medical maladies, to nostalgia for public radio, music licensing at the Olympics, and the confounding bureaucracy of modern returns at retail stores. The episode’s tone is gently comedic, meandering, and warmly self-deprecating. The show’s thematic throughline is about finding the absurdity and humor in everyday inconveniences and the minor indignities of adulthood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Medical Maladies & Aging Woes

• Plantar Fasciitis and Other Ailments
  • Andrew opens up about dealing with plantar fasciitis, rolling his foot on a frozen water bottle for relief.
    • Andrew: “I'm rolling my foot on a frozen water bottle. You ever do this?” (05:07)
  • Luke shares he’s had plantar fasciitis in the past, suggesting night boots and expressing surprise that it lasted so long (lasting up to 18 months per medical advice).
  • Both swap tales of injuries that seemingly resolve themselves without explanation.
• Familial Aches
  • Luke’s daughter Addie (her 32nd birthday) is now coping with neck pain—she sends Luke a photo in a new inflatable neck brace.
    • Luke: “She sent me a picture. She is having neck pain and… you can inflate it.” (16:03)

Tone: Lighthearted but relatable, poking fun at the indignities of the aging process.

2. Radio Nostalgia & Community Stations

• Discovering KMUN Astoria
  • Luke is captivated by the eclectic programming and community spirit of KMUN, a public station from Astoria, Oregon; he lists their programming (Science Friday, Le Show, On the Media, The Ezra Klein Show), emphasizing the soothing pleasure of relinquishing control over playlists.
    • Luke: “I've just been loving this music… I haven't listened to that kind of radio in the longest time…” (16:56)
  • They marvel at the station’s local music shows (like "Sounds of Japan" and "French Air"), inventive fundraising, and community focus.
  • Andrew contrasts KMUN with his old haunt, KIXI, lamenting format changes away from his beloved old-time radio and music.

Memorable Quotes:

• Luke: “It's very relaxing to have some—to let Jesus take the wheel… I've forgotten how much I like not having to pick… the next song.” (17:01)
• Andrew: “They started integrating talk programming… it’s not what I was tuning in for.” (21:51)

3. Retail Bureaucracy, Catch-22s, and Daily Triggers

• Returns Gone Awry
  • Listener Annie calls in (63:34) describing an infuriating exchange at Ulta: after returning a broken shampoo pump, she’s told she owes more due to a price change since her purchase. Only a manager’s “exception” resolves this Kafkaesque bind.
    • Annie: “Wait, the product I bought was, like, defective and now I have to owe more money?” (65:08)
  • Andrew and Luke share similar stories—Becca being denied a return on broken jewelry because “the package was opened.”
• Literary References
  • Conversation veers into the territory of Catch-22 and Kafka as metaphors for modern consumer experience, with Andrew dubbing it "Yossarian's Ulta."
  • They riff on the satirical absurdity of both store policies and Joseph Heller’s classic.

4. Olympic Music Licensing Fiasco

• NYT Article: Skaters and Copyright Hassles (38:19)
  • Luke introduces an article revealing Olympic figure skaters’ recent struggles to secure music rights for their routines—sometimes receiving approval only hours before performing.
    • Luke: “It never occurred to me that they had to get clearance on the songs that they're using…” (39:04)
  • Discussion about song selection rules: formerly only instrumentals allowed, then lyrics, now pop hits—causing licensing headaches.
  • Some instances: skaters choreograph elaborate routines only to discover they may need to swap their music late in their training (e.g., a skater appealing directly to the Minions’ creators for song rights).
  • The process is mired in inequity: skaters with more resources have an advantage in securing preferred songs, while those with fewer means settle for public domain options.
    • Luke: “It shouldn't be the case that only the rich ice skaters and figure skaters can have the music of their choice…” (44:11)
  • Both hosts question why the IOC doesn’t handle these issues at scale.

5. Dazzling Donor Segment

• Listener Appreciation
  • Luke and Andrew thank long-time donors Dave Bledsoe and Bobby Pape, reading their messages on air.
  • Dave’s message: TBTL is “like a line from Rush’s ‘Spirit of Radio’: ‘Begin the day with a friendly voice, a companion, unobtrusive.’”
    • Dave (as read by Luke): “What the hell is this show about? 11 years later, I’m still trying to answer that question. And the second I have, I am out.” (31:45)
  • Bobby requests a spin of the “wheel of classic topics,” leading to tangents on sports memories, notably Drew Bledsoe’s injury and the dawn of Tom Brady’s career post-9/11.

6. Nostalgic Pop Culture Tangents

• Tony! Toni! Toné! and Pop Memories
  • Multiple references to ‘90s R&B trio Tony! Toni! Toné! (no member is named Tony), cheap GI Joe toys, and childhood memories tie into continued discussions about nostalgia, aging, and mistaken pop culture knowledge.
    • Luke: “I did not know Raphael Saadiq was a Tony Tony Tone guy.” (50:00)
• Neil Diamond Biopic Confusion
  • The hosts are bemused by the unclear marketing surrounding “Song Sung Blue” (a Hugh Jackman/Kate Hudson film about Neil Diamond impersonators), critiquing how it led viewers to believe it a straightforward biopic.
    • Luke: “I feel like they did not do a great job around the marketing of the movie Song Sung Blue.” (57:51)

7. Tributes, Endings, and the March of Time

• Alan Arkin In Memoriam
  • Andrew is startled to realize Alan Arkin passed in 2023, leading to a tangent about beloved celebrities aging and inevitable goodbyes.
    • Andrew: “He might have been of the level that we would have maybe dedicated a conversation to [on the show].” (71:41)
  • They briefly reminisce about Arkin’s work (“Glengarry Glen Ross,” “Little Miss Sunshine,” “Catch-22,” “Edward Scissorhands”), and ruminate on aging actors like Alan Alda.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• Plantar Fasciitis Woes:
  Andrew: “I knew that you had had it, but it makes sense for you to have it. Like, for you, it’s a running injury… for me, it’s just because I weigh too much and I don’t get enough exercise, which bums me.” (09:14)
• Surprise at the Length of Injuries:
  Andrew: “It said… it’ll usually resolve itself between six and 18 months. And I’m like, well, I don’t have that much time!” (07:29)
• Public Radio Nostalgia:
  Luke: “I love to see that they’re still making it… it’s a cool little cultural experience of getting the context for this music. The music also just absolutely slaps.” (15:54)
• Bizarre Returns Policies:
  Annie (caller): “Are you kidding me?… You sold me, like, a faulty product. So I say to them… can’t you just, like, change the price maybe to match what the price was when I bought it?” (65:08)
• Music Licensing at the Olympics:
  Luke: “I didn’t come in today expecting two Tony, Tony, Tony references in the same conversation.” (46:48)
• On Tony! Toni! Toné!:
  Luke: “I did not know Raphael Sadiq was a Tony Tony Toné guy… none of them were named Tony!” (50:00)
• On Impersonators’ Movie Marketing:
  Luke: “That’s because he’s not Neil Diamond; he’s a Neil Diamond impersonator. And they didn’t put that… I feel like they did not make that public enough.” (58:17)
• Alan Arkin Tribute
  Andrew: “He might have been of the level that we would have maybe dedicated a conversation to.” (71:41)

Important Timestamps

• [05:07] – Andrew’s plantar fasciitis woes
• [11:52] – Luke discovers and waxes rhapsodic about KMUN Astoria, OR
• [15:54] – Luke talks “Sounds of Japan,” daughter’s birthday, and inflatable neck brace
• [38:19] – Olympic figure skating & music rights headaches (Top Story)
• [63:34] – Listener Annie’s Ulta return nightmare
• [68:46] – Show title riff: “Yossarian's Ulta” & Catch-22 digression
• [71:41] – Alan Arkin’s death and in memoriam reflection

Closing Thoughts

This episode is a delightful tapestry of small frustrations, warm reminiscence, and affectionate ribbing—a perfect encapsulation of TBTL’s charm. Even the arcane annoyances of retail returns gain resonance in the company of deep-cut pop and literary references. At every turn, the hosts’ rapport and curiosity about the oddities of daily (and cultural) life anchor the show. Listeners are left with laughs, a surprising amount of nostalgia, and maybe a nudge to check when their favorite actor last appeared on IMDb.

Power Out.