TBTL #4690: "Let The Botulism Hit The Floor" (March 24, 2026)
Hosts: Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh

Overview

In this episode, longtime co-hosts Luke and Andrew kick off their Tuesday with rambling hilarity and relatable stories, centering primarily on a gas station snack debacle, soda flavor proliferation, and the existential challenge of using public bathrooms. Blending nostalgia, minor life annoyances, and a healthy dose of playful banter, they reflect on cultural curiosities (Global Smurfs Day!), everyday frustrations (unwanted soda flavors, the anxiety of public pooping), and a lovingly over-analyzed "Do You Need To Poop?" scale texted in by a listener. As always, the sparkling charm is in the details and digressions.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

Smurf Day, Blue People, and Commitment to the Bit

• The guys riff on the (not actually today) Global Smurfs Day and the international background of the Smurfs' creator.
• Hilarious speculation about why Andrew’s webcam makes him look extra blue, leading to a series of blue-themed jokes and references.

Notable Quote:
"Honestly, it's less of a day and more of a state of mind… you could make it something special as part of every day." — Luke (05:07)

• Andrew Googles "Smurf's theme chopped and screwed," setting off a search for bizarre Smurf remixes ("Let the bodies hit the floor—now this just slowed with reverb…it says, oh, that's...oh, send back to hell." — Andrew, 08:54).

Gas Station Rituals, Childhood Memories & Gas Price Anxieties

• Luke recounts a childhood tale of carrying discount milk home on his head, only to drop it, leading to a parental riot act and reflections on family frugality.
• Discussion shifts to adult life, with both noting their obliviousness to gas prices until recently, and the newfound ritual of selecting gas stations based on price.
• Revelations about not knowing which side the gas tank is on, despite years of driving, and learning the instrument panel “arrow trick” from a friend (“I didn't even realize that there’s a little arrow … telling you what side of the car the gas tank was until...our friend Jessica said." – Luke, 15:28).

Is it Really Dangerous to Leave Your Car Running While Pumping Gas?

• Luke admits he sometimes leaves his car running at the pump, theorizing that modern vehicles make this less risky, drawing on internet wisdom (particularly a Reddit user, “Rage Storm”).
• Debate about cautionary signage at gas stations and whether modern pump tech renders the old rules obsolete.

Notable Quote:
"I do not think the modern...car...is at risk for blowing up if gas is being put in it while the car is still running." — Luke (17:05)
"You said the official TBTL stance is never fill your gas tank unless your car is running? That what you said?" — Andrew, joking (23:55)

Snack Mishaps & Soda Flavor Overload

• Luke details his typical gas station snack routine: peanuts and Coke Zero, confessing to shaking peanuts directly into his mouth for maximal efficiency.
• Disaster strikes when he grabs a Coke Zero, only to discover—mid-sip—that it’s "Coke Zero Cherry Float", an abomination he finds undrinkable.

Notable Quote:
"It tasted nothing like [a float]. It was horrible...We don't need any more soda flavors. We've done it, world. We're good." — Luke (30:03 / 32:17)

• Both hosts lament the proliferation and artificiality of novelty flavors in all processed foods, blaming capitalism, technological advances in flavor engineering, and internet-fueled snack hobbyism.

Notable Quotes:
"It's not just sodas, it's everything. I...was in the grocery store looking at something that’s been around since I was a kid. Except you can't find the original flavor..." — Andrew (33:06)
"I honestly think...it's almost like the printing technology allows for the flavoring technique." — Luke (35:21)

The Soda Canon – Is There Room for More?

• Do we actually need more soda options? Luke doubts it.
• Andrew confesses his love for creating ‘graveyard’ (i.e., "suicide") soda mixes at movie theaters and fast food restaurants, even as a full-grown adult.

Notable Moment:
Strangers at a movie theater judge Andrew for making a "childish" concoction at the soda fountain (38:17).

• They dissect the unique appeal and rumored secret formulas of McDonald's fountain sodas, especially Diet Coke and non-carbonated orange drink.

Soda Brand Knock-Offs & Grocery Store Anecdotes

• Luke and Andrew gel over grocery store soda sales and laugh about off-brand sodas shamelessly copying Mountain Dew (Shasta Mountain Rush, “it is like Mountain Dew. Exactly.” — Andrew, 72:44).

Dazzling Donor Segment (61:10)

Jackie Justice in Tacoma, WA

• Plugs support for children in foster care facing immigration issues; recommends supportkind.org and nwirp.org.

Steve Lee in Shelton, CT

• "I’m too tired to come up with anything this year. Everything is terrible. TBTL is good..." — (70:26). The hosts thank him and all supporters profusely.

Introducing: The "Do You Have to Poop" Scale (74:22)

A listener texts in with a scale from 0 to 10 for poop urgency, which Luke and Andrew gleefully overanalyze:

• 0: No way I could poop right now. I'm ready for my colonoscopy.
• 1: If I needed to win a $10,000 bet, I could squeeze one out right now.
• 2: If I'm leaving on an all-day road trip, I'll make it happen. Otherwise, not a chance.
• 3: The faintest intestinal movement—perfect for my mid-morning break in about an hour.
• 4: Morning coffee's done, it's working; making a plan for the restroom.
• 5: Ready to go (at home, alone, all is well).
• 6: Walking quickly in the front door, giving only the briefest hello, beelining for the bathroom ("That's probably where I was..." — Luke, 86:46).
• 7: Willing to ask the bookstore staff where the bathroom is—need is rising.
• 8: Would go into a dive bar with no stall door if that's the only option.
• 9: I'm going to poop in 10 seconds—please let me make it anywhere ("Been there, done that." — Luke, 94:20).
• 10: I am pooping right now, even if I'm at my wedding altar.

Memorable Banter:

• Luke recounts the anxiety, logistics, and social shame of needing a gym key fob to use a distant restroom while visiting his girlfriend—“That’s a walk of shame. That’s a walk of shame. You went into the gym bathroom clearly with no intention of working out.” (89:43)
• Debating whether air fresheners wind up always reminding you of past poop trauma.
• Extended laughter over the embarrassment calculus of public pooping—“He’s just yelling, buy, buy, buy, sell, sell, sell. Over and over again.” — Andrew on creating plausible deniability in the bathroom (93:45)
• “Is this what the song Edge of Seventeen is really about? Someone on the edge of… passion?” — Andrew, spiraling (96:56)

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “Let the Botulism Hit the Floor.” (12:00) – Episode title born from milk-jug disaster.
• “I would never smoke a cigarette while I was gassing up a car, but…” — Luke justifying risky refueling behavior (17:03)
• “Are you a child or something?” — A woman to Andrew at a movie theater soda fountain as he creates a soda ‘graveyard’ (38:17)
• “You get to a certain age and you still don’t know which side of the car the gas tank is on.” — Luke (14:41)
• “We could just leave it there…” — Andrew, after a particularly thorough soda flavor dissection (56:04)
• “We've been talking for a while. I feel like I'm right on the edge of a perfect analogy…” — Andrew, extending the poop-scale analysis (96:47)

Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–06:40 | Cold open & blue/Smurf theme banter
• 09:15–21:45 | Gas station life: snacks, gas prices, and pump protocol
• 22:08–32:24 | Gas station snack disaster; too many soda flavors
• 33:10–61:10 | Soda innovations, “grape sherbert with an onion twist,” off-brand knockoffs, and candy/soda hobbyist culture
• 61:10–70:59 | Dazzling Donors: Jackie Justice & Steve Lee
• 74:22–99:38 | Poop scale intro, analysis, and personal anecdotes

Tone & Language

The trademark TBTL tone reigns: self-deprecating, amiable, gently absurd, and lightly profane, with the co-hosts engaging in the kind of tangents and digressions that epitomize the show's blend of "important topics" with joyful nonsense.

Takeaways

• Both hosts are increasingly perturbed by snack and soda innovation, longing for simplicity.
• Everyday bodily functions can (and will) be analyzed with the same care as academic research—on TBTL, anyway.
• Sometimes cherished nostalgia (childhood errand disasters, secret family thrift) creeps into grown-up anxieties (bathroom emergencies, gas station rituals).
• If you take nothing else: Don’t let your bathroom emergencies get to an 8.

End of Summary