#4690 Let The Botulism Hit The Floor

Summary

TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live
Episode #4690: Let The Botulism Hit The Floor
March 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively, meandering Tuesday edition, hosts Luke Burbank and Andrew Walsh dive headlong into the faux-serious tribulations of daily life—from road trip snack disasters and the existential question of new soda flavors, to the perils of public bathroom emergencies. Along the way, they commemorate Global Smurfs Day (sort of), dissect the semiotics of Diet Coke, recount childhood milk mishaps, and painstakingly construct the most definitive "Do You Have to Poop?" scale ever heard on a podcast. Classic TBTL: meandering, meta, warmly self-deprecating, and surprisingly heartfelt.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Business Speak Cold Open/Comedy of Corporate Jargon

(00:00–01:20)

• The show opens with a tongue-in-cheek roleplay of a conference call brimming with meaningless business lingo.
• Jokes about "scalability," "roadmaps," and "dovetailing" poke fun at generic corporate culture.

Notable Quote:

• Luke: "I don't know a lot about business, but I did an Internet and now the computer's like him and Wall Street is Google." (01:27)

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2. Blue People, Smurf Day & The Benefits of Odd Coincidences

(03:39–07:46)

• Luke teases an upcoming story about a man in England who turned physically blue, leading to a string of Arrested Development jokes.
• Andrew notes that he looks blue on camera, tying in with the blue theme.
• Together, they riff on "Global Smurfs Day," its true date (June 25th, birthday of Smurfs creator Peyo), and ways to properly celebrate it.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew: "It cannot be a coincidence that today is International Smurf Day." (04:55)
• Luke: "Honestly, it's less of a day and more a state of mind." (05:09)

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3. Milk Mishap Childhood Memory & The Cost of Gas

(09:48–13:26)

• Luke recalls growing up in a cost-conscious household where even gas and milk prices were major concerns.
• Shares a vivid childhood memory: trying to carry a full gallon of milk home on his head, dropping it, and watching it explode in an alley.
• The story becomes a springboard for contemplating how adulthood has (mostly) unburdened him from fixating on the price of essentials—until now.

Notable Quotes:

• Luke: "I always had to go buy the milk at this 7-Eleven because it...had slightly cheaper milk. I remember getting the milk and then walking back...I tried to hold the two gallon jug on my head...and it exploded." (11:00)
• Andrew: “Let the Bottles Hit the Floor—show title?” (12:00)
• Luke: “Let the Botulism Hit the Floor.” (12:06)

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4. The Great Gas Station Snack Disaster: The Coke Zero Cherry Float Incident

(25:38–32:24)

• Luke’s road trip gas station stop goes awry when he accidentally grabs a Coke Zero Cherry Float, thinking it’s a plain Coke Zero, only to discover the flavor is unpalatable and ruins his cherished peanuts-and-soda synergy.
• This leads to a tirade against unnecessary soda flavors, which he blames on capitalism and shareholder greed: "We don’t need any more soda flavors. We've done it."
• Andrew broadens the critique to include all food products: "You can't find the original flavor of anything anymore—everything has to be flavor jazzed."

Notable Quotes:

• Luke: “This is my hot take: We don’t need any more soda flavors. We've done it, world.” (31:50)
• Andrew: “It’s not just sodas, it’s everything…you can’t find the original anymore, everything has to be flavor jazzed.” (33:03)

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5. Soda Sales, Consumer Behavior, and Graveyard Sodas

(34:03–44:53)

• The conversation organically shifts to the psychology (and economics) of soda shopping, including wild 12-pack discount sales.
• Andrew admits to the childlike tradition of building “graveyard” sodas by mixing all flavors at the fountain, particularly at movie theaters.
• They reminisce about discovering this trick as kids at AM/PM.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew: “Are you a child or something?” (to himself, after being caught making a graveyard soda—37:08)
• Luke: "At the movie theater, you’re in Wonka land…you’re there for an adventure...you’re gonna weird up your soda." (41:25)

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6. Coke Zero vs. Diet Coke vs. the Real Dish

(44:53–56:04)

• Parsing the differences between Diet Coke and Coke Zero, Luke shares his "big red X" rule against drinking full-sugar sodas, rationalizing that Coke Zero is “80% as good” as the real thing.
• Andrew argues that Coke Zero tastes nothing like regular Coke: “I think you have forgotten what regular Coke tastes like if you think Coke Zero tastes just like Coke.”
• They agree that Diet Coke has become its own unique, beloved flavor for many, a “category mistake” that’s acquired its own fans.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew: "Coke Zero to me is kind of in between a Coke and a sparkling water...think of it as cola-flavored Fresca." (54:59)
• Luke: "Whatever that thing is...Diet Coke is now just its own distinct category of flavor." (56:04)

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7. Listener Dazzling Donors & Social Advocacy

(61:11–65:00)

• Listener Jackie Justice, an attorney from Tacoma, uses her segment to advocate for kids and families facing immigration proceedings, plugging organizations Kids In Need of Defense (supportkind.org) and Northwest Immigrant Rights Project (nwirp.org).
• The hosts praise her work and underscore the crisis of legal representation for children.

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8. The “Do You Have to Poop?” Scale: A TBTL Landmark

(75:17–98:36)

• Inspired by a listener text, Andrew reads out “The Do You Have to Poop Scale” (0-10), sparking a very TBTL-style granular debate about the somatic, social, and logistical intricacies of bathroom emergencies.
• Luke and Andrew compare their personal thresholds and travel anxieties, culminating in a classic “walk of shame” story of Luke using a gym bathroom in his girlfriend’s building to avoid the more intimate home option.
• Serious air freshener discourse: "Does air freshener eventually always smell bad because you associate it with bad smells?"
• They note how, for both, urgency escalates quickly from nothing to “DEFCON 8,” with little warning.

Top “Poop Scale” Segments:

• 0: “There’s no way I could poop right now. I’m ready for my colonoscopy.”
• 4: “My morning cup of coffee is done and it’s working. I’m not quite near a restroom, but making a plan now.”
• 8: “I’d be willing to go into a dive bar with no stall door.”
• 10: “I am pooping right now, even if I’m at my wedding altar.”

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9. Meta Moments & Notable Exchanges

• Running gags about “Global Smurfs Day,” modern food innovation gone awry, and “Don’t let it get to an 8!” as existential advice.
• Luke: “In the land of one soda flavor, the man with one soda flavor is king.” (36:59)
• Andrew on lengthy bathroom trips: “I’ll walk in front of the restaurant on a fake phone call if I have to create plausible deniability.” (93:37)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:00–01:21: Cold open—satire of corporate jargon
• 03:39–07:46: Blue people news / Smurf Day exploration
• 09:48–13:43: Gas prices, childhood milk disaster
• 25:38–32:24: Gas station snack story—Coke Zero Cherry Float debacle
• 34:03–44:53: Soda sales, graveyard sodas, economics of impulse buying
• 44:53–56:04: Coke Zero, Diet Coke, and the great sweetener debate
• 61:11–65:00: Dazzling donors, immigration advocacy plug
• 75:17–98:36: The “Do You Have to Poop?” scale, public restroom stories, air freshener trauma

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Episode Highlights in Original Tone

• On Smurfs:
  Luke: “I don’t think it should be confined to one day. Our smurfin’ attitudes should never miss the opportunity to la la la la la la la la la.” (06:09)

• On the Coke Zero Cherry Float Debacle:
  Luke: “A zero calorie drink that is supposed to taste like an ice cream float...It was so horrific that I could, I literally could not [drink it].” (29:50)

• On Capitalism and New Flavors:
  Luke: “This is because of shareholders...late-stage capitalism...so many ways capitalism has destroyed this planet, but none more so than what happened to me yesterday in the car.” (31:50–32:24)

• On Diet Coke Fandom:
  Luke: “That is what life is about, the circles aligning—like the DVD player screensaver bouncing perfectly into the corner.” (45:46)

• On the Poop Scale:
  Andrew: “Number eight is ‘I’d be willing to go into a dive bar with no stall door on it right now.’” (94:03)

• On Air Freshener:
  Andrew: “Does air freshener eventually always just smell bad because you used it to cover up bad smells for so long?” (90:47)

• Closing Wisdom:
  Luke: “Don’t let it get to an 8, people… No mountain too tall.” (99:16 onward)

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Memorable Moments

• The “let the botulism hit the floor” show title riff, adapted from a classic nu-metal song lyric.
• Luke’s passionate, satirical monologue about soda innovation and “the man with one soda flavor.”
• Extremely detailed, comical mapping of the universal anxiety-driven “Do You Have to Poop” scale, with personal war stories.
• Heartfelt listener messages about real-world advocacy, woven seamlessly into the TBTL goofball tapestry.

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Conclusion

Perfectly encapsulating TBTL’s blend of the trivial and the profound, episode 4690 invites listeners to appreciate the comic absurdity of life’s smallest frustrations and greatest bodily emergencies, while sneaking in real-world care about immigrants’ and children’s rights—not to mention a warning to always check your soda label (and your poop scale) before crisis hits.

Transcript

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes.

[Seth]

Hello, Val.

[Luke Burbank]

Hi. Hi, guys.

[Seth]

Hey, Val. Thanks for calling in. Val, you got Seth here, team leader.

[Luke Burbank]

Hi, Seth.

[Seth]

You got Kyle on the line.

[Luke Burbank]

Kyle, Hi.

[Seth]

Hey, Val, you got Kevin.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, Kevin. Yeah. So I just think it's time to kind of circle the wagons and touch base.

[Seth]

Yeah, that's great. You took the words right. We wanted to touch base with you, to just dovetail on what you just said and just let you know that we are full steam ahead on our end. And we are, you know, we are ready to deliver.

[Luke Burbank]

And we're.

[Seth]

We're very excited for the numbers that we've been seeing, both on your end and on our end, and just in the market in general. We're very excited about everything that we've been seeing, and we just want you to know that we're ready to start the conversation on this whenever you are. So, yeah, not to jump the gun on that, but we just wanted to talk about, you know, how to create sort of a roadmap on how to move forward financially on your end. On our end. In a way that sort of makes. In a way that makes sense, in an organic way that makes sense for all of us involved.

[Luke Burbank]

I appreciate that. I just. I guess maybe we should talk about sort of best practices, how to make this scalable, you know? Right.

[Seth]

Scalability is key.

[Andrew Walsh]

Tbtm.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know a lot about business,

[Andrew Walsh]

but he did an Internet and now

[Luke Burbank]

the computer's like him and Wall street is Google. I was listening to your program on my car radio.

[Andrew Walsh]

What do you think so far? I'm a fan of yours. A really big fan. Let me take off my assistant skirt and put on my Barbra Streisand in the Prince of Tides ass masking therapist pantsuit. You two are on my S T list.

[Seth]

And it's a short list.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's too long.

[Luke Burbank]

T o o long. Why is this happening to me? All right. Hello, good morning and welcome everyone to a Tuesday edition of tbtl, the show that just might be to beautiful to live. Oh, and the adventure begins again. My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, cheer up. It's Taco Tuesday.

[Luke Burbank]

Coming to you from the Madrona Hill studio perched high above the mighty Columbia, as we are sliding here into the pretty much the final week of March. And very excited to be bringing you episode 4690 in a collector series, Let the fun begin. Something happened to me yesterday at the convenience store. Really? It was in the aftermath of being at the convenience store. Well, the gas station, you know, but the Part of the gas station where you buy snacks and stuff. That really was grinding my gears. I'm as mad as hell and I'm

[Andrew Walsh]

not gonna take this anymore.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm willing to. Not only willing, I'm ready. And I'm able to make a proclamation today on the show about something that I think we need to stop doing going forward mostly so I don't get in the kind of situation I was in yesterday. Also, a guy in England was admitted to the emergency room because he had mysteriously turned entirely the color blue. I'm afraid I just blew myself. But the. The reason for it, they think is actually, I think opens up a whole other conversation that I've been wanting to have for a little while on the program. So we will have that conversation with this guy. Longest running cobra of the show. May be best known for his depictions of the tall ships and like, the coolest person I've ever met, he's Andrew Walsh, and he's joining me right now. Good morning, my friend.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm sorry I put you in an audio pickle.

[Luke Burbank]

You know what? You and I are the only people who would have ever even noticed that. And David Cross, if he starts listening, but I don't see this being the show for him.

[Andrew Walsh]

Welcome new listener David Cross. Yes, I. I knew you were going to be playing a Tobias clip.

[Luke Burbank]

The.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that clip, I'm afraid I just blew myself from Arrested Development is like the perfect drop to play to introduce or to.

[Luke Burbank]

It's literally why I decided to even do this story.

[Andrew Walsh]

The story that you want to talk about, which I'm actually interested in hearing about. I don't know anything about it, but I did not realize that the intro that I was using are. Well, I mean, I. I guess I knew because I previewed it, but I did not make the connection that we were double to buy we're double blue thing. We're double triple blursing ourselves.

[Luke Burbank]

We're kind of triple blursing ourselves here because also, once again, Andrew, your camera is being weird and you have. You are. You look. You look way more blue than a typical episode of the show, which I feel like is you honoring the top stories to them. And I appreciate that is sometimes. I mean, I faulted you both in front of your back and behind your back for your lack of commitment to the bit on this show. But you are committed today, sir.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it cannot be a coincidence that today is International Smurf Day. I mean, the.

[Luke Burbank]

Are you smurfing kidding me?

[Andrew Walsh]

I. I mean, it's got to be. I haven't looked it up. I'm just going with that. It's gotta be. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, I celebrated. Honestly, it's less of a day and more of a state of mind. Andrew, if I type in.

[Andrew Walsh]

So first of all, it wouldn't be international, right? It would be nat.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, it might be international. Well, first of all, the question is, because, you know, I've done not to brag. Is it International Smurf Day?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, Luke, it's Global Smurf Day. There is something called today.

[Luke Burbank]

March 24th.

[Andrew Walsh]

No.

[Luke Burbank]

Global Smurf Day?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, not today. But I just.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, you're saying there is.

[Andrew Walsh]

There is something called Global Smurf Day? Maybe I shouldn't be so surprised by that, but it's actually June 25th.

[Luke Burbank]

Ah, June 25th. Well, like I said, it's. To me, it's less. You know, you can just set one day aside to celebrate the Smurfs, or you could make it something special as part of every day. And I think that's the way to do it. I don't think it should be confined to one day. And I don't think, you know, our Smurfin attitudes should. Should, should miss the opportunity to really. La, la la la la la la la la.

[Andrew Walsh]

Each other.

[Luke Burbank]

Whatever the day of the year is, I'm not surprised that it's international or worldwide, because the guy who invented the Smurfs, isn't he, like, from, like, the Czech Republic or something?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I'm sort of. You all good. Good call. I'm learning this now or. Or relearning this now, because I think we've gone down this road.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Or I had forgotten Pierre for Belgian.

[Andrew Walsh]

Belgian.

[Luke Burbank]

And she goes by Peyo, the Czech Republic of Belgian.

[Andrew Walsh]

But he. I guess it says every year on the Saturday closest to June 25th, and I guess this year, June 25th must be a Saturday that is Payo's birthday. The person who. The artist who created the Smurf. So that is why it's June 25, the birthday of the creator named Payo. I'm just looking to see, like, what can we do here how to celebrate Global Smurfs Day? It seems weird that we're not doing this on Smurfs Day, but this will give us a few months to prep, right?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

The best way to spend this day is to watch the Smurfs. Okay, that's right there for you. People can also read a Smurf comic book. They can play a Smurf game. They can have a contest between friends to see who can name the most Smurfs or dress up like a Smurf. If your kids have never seen the Smurfs, today is the perfect day to introduce them to the Smurfs magical world. Be sure to spread the love for the Smurfs on social media with the hashtag. I don't. Do you have a pen there? Maybe you can write this down. The hashtag is hashtag Global Smurfs Day. Now you're gonna accidentally use the hashtag Global Smurf Day. Don't do that. It's Global Smurfs Day.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, well, there's. I mean, think about it. How many Smurfs are there?

[Andrew Walsh]

A lot. A lot. Global hashtag. Don't forget the hashtag. It's like the. It's like the number symbol or the pound symbol hashtag.

[Luke Burbank]

See, this is the thing, Andrew. Now I've got the right Smurf song going, but I. For some reason, I don't even want to know what the origin of this is. I've also got this absolute abomination that I accidentally started. I have the Smurfs theme song here, and then I have Smurfs edited. Smurfs edited is the one we wanted the whole time. Not this. Whatever. This modern. Like, I. I assume all of the Smurfs are skateboarding for this and. Or doing something. Cowabunga, dude, I don't know what this. Did they reboot the Smurfs at some point?

[Andrew Walsh]

I just typed something interesting. Since my first search result yielded so much bounty for this show, I thought I would try my hand again, and I typed in Smurf's theme. Chopped and screwed. I'm having less.

[Luke Burbank]

Have you found the one where they cover. Let the bodies hit the floor

[Andrew Walsh]

now this just slowed with reverb. It says, oh, that's. Oh, oh, oh. Send back to hell.

[Luke Burbank]

That Smurfs with K Hole.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's rough stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

What about. How is K Hole Smurf doing?

[Andrew Walsh]

Not well.

[Luke Burbank]

Not well. Okay. Well, just. I think about him sometimes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I know. You should.

[Luke Burbank]

All right, this is not nearly as important as Global Smurfs Day, but something very upsetting. Okay, not upsetting, annoying. And I need to learn the difference. Maybe this show would go a lot better if I learned the difference between upsetting and annoying, because I think I describe a lot of things as upsetting that were really just annoying. Okay. But I was driving down to Portland yesterday, and I. I stopped off at the local gas station. By the way, gas prices, doing great. Just.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure.

[Luke Burbank]

No notes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, that's. Well, that's what leadership brings.

[Luke Burbank]

I Had I. Of the many things that make me so furious about the state of the world, it's that I have, I have to have thoughts about gas prices like now please let me unpack that. I've been very privileged in my adult life, that I have generally had employment and I have just had a lifestyle where I don't really think about the cost of gas a ton, which I know that's total privilege, but I kind of think I liked that. I kind of think I liked because I didn't grow up that way. And I know I've told these stories a million times, but we would drive to God knows where because the gas was $0.03 cheaper and like it was, you know, it really dominated things like what was, how much was gas, how much was milk. These sort of so called, you know, kitchen table issues or affordability issues really was a big thing in my life as a kid. In fact, I remember one time my mom, I always had to go buy the milk at this 7:11 because it. Which is kind of strange. I think of 711 as being more expensive to buy groceries. But we had the 7 11. That was at Winona and Aurora. Kitty corner from what used to be called Aurora Cycles. Is it still there? Is it called Suzuki now or something?

[Andrew Walsh]

Anyway, okay, I know the area you're talking about.

[Luke Burbank]

My mom would send me to this specific 711 because it had slightly cheaper milk. And I remember her sending me down there once and I had to walk through two alleys and a parking lot. And so from our house to the 7 11. I remember getting the milk and then walking back. But I was like a little kid and I was kind of bored or maybe I'd just seen the Jungle Book or something. But I decided to try to hold the like two gallon jug, you know, the biggie, the two gallon jug of milk on my head.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I've never seen a gallon. I think a gallon. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Is that the largest? I'm horrendous with like, I'm the worst with like volumes. Okay, so the kind that has the. It's plastic and it has the handlebar. That's a gallon.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a gallon.

[Luke Burbank]

Yep. Yep. Okay, so I had a gallon. And I remember my memory is that I put it on my head and then it just kind of slipped. I might have taken my hand off. I might have been trying to do something I'd seen in a movie, I don't know. But what I know is that jug of milk fell off my head and hit the alley. I was walking and it was A very kind of rutted. It was like a kind of gravel. It wasn't. It wouldn't have mattered. This thing exploded.

[Andrew Walsh]

Let the Bottles Hit the Floor show title. Maybe

[Luke Burbank]

Let the Botulism Hit the floor.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because I tried to bring.

[Luke Burbank]

I tried to bring the milk home. I didn't know what to do. Right. I'm like, I'm probably 8 years old or something. I know this is bad because now when the milk jug hit, it was plastic. Obviously when it hit the ground, it did this very odd thing where it just kind of ruptured in this way where there was like a kind of a tear in it which a lot of the milk spilled out of. But it still kind of looked. I could kind of hold the bottom part and the top part. It still was sort of in the shape it was supposed to be. It was very dirty at this point. And I remember just carrying this home and kind of thinking, maybe nobody will notice. And my mom seeing it and my mom just absolutely reading me the riot act. Just like, what were you doing? And you know, who knows? Knowing my mother, I'm fairly certain she somehow found a way to get the 711 people to give her her money back. My mom's gotten a lot of. I think she's managed to make a lot of situations work for her because other people would just rather not be talking about whatever it is she's talking about any longer. And they are willing to pay at the time $1.20 for this conversation to be over. Not because of the rightness of my mom's argument, but because of the attention span of the other person.

[Andrew Walsh]

The irony is we are now in the opposite situation where people give us money to continue conversations.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, you never know how life is gonna go. Including sometimes my mom, this very woman, Susie B. A big hit here on the show,

[Andrew Walsh]

very popular and also a supporter of the show. So it's all thanks and is a

[Luke Burbank]

donor, despite the fact that I. That I carelessly destroyed that jug of milk as a kid. My point in all that is to say I grew up in a situation where we were extremely cost conscious about everything. And in my adult life I have, probably to my detriment in the other direction, I have, I think, kind of intentionally tried to not really engage with a lot of that stuff, meaning I could generally not tell you what the price of gasoline is. And now I'm noticing it and I'm starting to develop the places I go to get gas.

[Andrew Walsh]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, and so because I enjoyed that, what I thought was the Carefree, footloose, fancy free life of getting gas when I needed gas. Hey, I'm driving on the road. Hey, the car is dinging at me. Hey, I don't have any gas. Let me look ahead to where the sign indicates. There's a gas station. Let me pull in. Let me. Andrew, also check which side of my car the gas tank is on because I have to check that every single time.

[Andrew Walsh]

You are still. Dude, we've had our car since 2017. I still have to check it every time. What is wrong with me?

[Luke Burbank]

What is wrong with me?

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, I thought you had a newer car.

[Luke Burbank]

Mine is very affirming.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm glad to hear that.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, my car is a little more recent than that, but I've probably put 200 gallon, like 200 fill ups. I don't know. I've put a lot of gas in the car over the years and I still have no idea which side. And in fact, not until our friend Tune and I were on some sort of a road trip or a trip somewhere, I think maybe we had a rental car. Do you know that I didn't even realize that there's a little arrow on the, you know, on the, on the sort of, what do you call that? The instrument panel of your car.

[Andrew Walsh]

The, the.

[Luke Burbank]

Not the dash.

[Andrew Walsh]

Fuel gauge.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, where the little gas tank is. I didn't even know. I never put it together. There was an arrow there telling you what side of the car the. The gas tank was until I'm talking 10 years ago. Our friend Jessica said. I said, how do you know what side's on? She goes, well, because that arrow right there just shows you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was like, what? Well, she told you and then you told me. And now every time I do that, there's a tiny part of my brain that thinks of you when I'm pulling into a gas station to get gas. Now, it is true we don't drive as much, so it doesn't happen that often, but that is a true story. The fact that you can remember Tune telling you that. I can't remember the actual moment, but I know you told me and I'm guessing it was on an episode of tbtl, but it might have been just on one of our many road trips that we were kind of doing more of back in the day, it feels like, and maybe we were renting the RV or something and you pointed that out to me, but I didn't know until you did. And it is one of those things. Things where somewhere in the back of my brain every time I look at that gauge. I am thinking about it as Luke's gauge or Luke's. The Luke Arrow, or. I mean, you know what I mean? I didn't.

[Luke Burbank]

That's. I don't. Honor. I think of it as the Jessica era.

[Andrew Walsh]

There you go. I love it.

[Luke Burbank]

That is actually kind of sweet, how the fire is passed. Yes. But all that is to say, don't

[Andrew Walsh]

smoke around the gas tank.

[Luke Burbank]

No, no, no, no, no. I do, Andrew. I do leave my car on, though. I leave my car on.

[Andrew Walsh]

Really?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

Because if it's really cold.

[Luke Burbank]

If it's really cold or if I'm listening to something on the radio that I'm like, I'm having a driveway moment. I think. Don't come.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait. Oh, wait. Do you not have full. Sir, do you not have. Do you have only full service in Oregon?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, no.

[Andrew Walsh]

Well, then how are they. Wait, you're rolling down your windows and blasting your podcast so that you can fill it up while your car is running and listen to whatever you're listening?

[Luke Burbank]

I'll leave the door open if I was, like, listening to the Mariners. Okay, okay. And I didn't want to turn the car off because then I would, like, you know, I wouldn't be able to hear it anymore or whatever. I just. Here's the thing. Like, so many things with me, Andrew, I think in the modern era. I think our modern cars. And again, please, everybody, leave me alone. I would never smoke a cigarette while I was gassing up a car, but I do not think the modern. My car is from, like, 2023 or something. I do not think a modern car is at risk for blowing up if gas is being put in it while the car is still running. I have done it now hundreds of times, and it has so far not killed me.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't know what I ever thought would happen if you did that. It just seems wrong. Like flying a kite at night, as Bart Simpson would say.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's like eating. It's like eating a sub sandwich while you're pooping.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like, wait, what are we. What's happening here? We got. We got fuel coming in, we got fuel going out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, but, yeah, I mean, actually, your analogy is better but worse at the same time. But, yeah, like, I don't know that. I'm not saying that I don't do it because I think, oh, well, if I do this, the car is going to explode and I'm going to be shot to the moon. Like, I don't reasonably think that, but I do think it's really wrong. And I. This is the first time I've been confronted with having to examine that.

[Luke Burbank]

I think that. My guess is. And maybe someone will give me the real story on this. My guess is that the. It's considered a fire hazard.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's a pro. Yeah. Because, you know, an engine has sparks or what have you.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. But I would say, I think that when they made the rule again, this is, you know, this is Luke's logic. Okay. And it's, it's definitely, it's definitely got some holes in it. But with so many things, I feel like when we made the rule about something, we made the rule about it a long time ago and then we didn't adjust the rule based on the newer stuff. And like, you know, I just tend to think that, like, my car, a 2023 Mazda CX5, is not generating much exterior spark. And so I just, I, you know, my. And my. And this is what I always do, though. My own desire for whatever reason for the car to not be turned off. I then kind of reverse engineer the scenario. That means I can ignore the signs that say turn off engine while refueling.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, this is funny. I typed in, can you leave your car running when you fill your gas tank? And the first result I got was how many Smurfs can you and your friends name?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, hey, save that for Global Smurf day.

[Andrew Walsh]

I will. I'm bookmarking it now.

[Luke Burbank]

I actually thought you were maybe looking up.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was, but I'm just on like Napa. And, you know, it's one of those things that's like, not. There's not.

[Luke Burbank]

That's where I get my Napa know how from. Exactly.

[Andrew Walsh]

The problem is it's one of those things. First of all, I'm on the Napa blog. Can you leave your car on while pumping gas? But then it's going to do that thing where it's just going to give you tons and tons of words that don't answer your question because they need to flesh this out. They just wanted to be a top of the pops on the search results. There's an urban legend that addresses the issue, but it doesn't apply. It doesn't supply as clear cut of an answer as you might expect. There are definitely some habits motorists should always avoid when doing it. So then they just get into habits of motorists. And you should stay pump. You should stay put while you're pumping. And no smoking red fuel cans. Did you know that red fuel containers are color coded? Like, where is the answer to this Question.

[Luke Burbank]

I have it. It's Reddit, Andrew, where it always is. Why do you have to turn off your car to pump gas, but police can leave their cars running while they pump gas?

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what we should be.

[Luke Burbank]

And this is my point, dude, this is my point. I'm sure that the police argument is, well, we may have to, like, quickly jump in our car and race somewhere to, you know, to fight crime. But it's like, yeah, but if it was dangerous, you shouldn't be able to do it either. Here's what somebody called Rage Storm wrote so you know that me and this guy are going to get on well.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is this Dr. Ragestorm?

[Luke Burbank]

Dr. Ragestorm.

[Andrew Walsh]

You can just call him Rage Storm.

[Luke Burbank]

Rage Storm says you don't have to turn off your car. The combustion happens in a sealed chamber, and it won't cause issues if you pump the gas while it's on. It's just more of a safety mesh net. It would be bad to start your car while you are pumping gas. I think the warning is to cover that. See, and this is, by the way, I want to say to the. To the people listening, this is not me or TBTL officially saying that it's okay to leave your car running while you are refueling. I think all in all, it's a better idea to just turn it off. Why risk it? But I do tend to think, what Rage Storm. Once again, Ragestorm and I are in agreement on this. And now here's what Sean from NH Says.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, I knew a Sean from.

[Luke Burbank]

You might have known Sean when you were in NH S H a w

[Andrew Walsh]

N. It actually is okay.

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, it's not a huge state. I mean, geographically it is, population wise, less so. Here's Sean responding to Rage Storm, right? The actual most dangerous part of pumping gas is if you re enter your car and you gain a static charge while sliding out from the seats, which when you touch the pump handle, can actually cause an explosion. I believe the older pumps are more likely to do this. And if I remember right, there's actually a grounding wire on newer pumps to prevent this. This is my other thing. I hadn't thought this far ahead, but also pump technology is, I'm sure, a lot better, thankfully than when it was decided when the law of the land was no car running while gas pumping. I learned this from a long term convenience store manager that said he was shocked when he was told about the static charge from just getting back into the car. Then, of course, honky puss logs onto the discourse. The Mythbuster did An episode where they put an intense amount of static charge in the area inside a closed chamber, and this wasn't an issue at all. I don't remember how they eventually got the desired pump explosion, but it definitely wasn't through static charge. So the mythbusters were trying to blow up a gas pump and couldn't do it or couldn't do it through the things that. That, you know, we were told would be the cause of it, that is leaving our car running while refueling.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's funny. So I still see signs of the gas pump that said, please don't use your phone while pumping. Do you ever see that?

[Luke Burbank]

No.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait, you've never seen that?

[Luke Burbank]

I would probably stop. And also because of static charge or because that's what.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what I'm guessing.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

And that's why I'm kind of like, wow, it's interesting that. That we're leaving cars running now because I think you said the official TBT stance is never fill your gas tank unless your car is running. That what you said?

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Yeah. I think I'm just reiterating signed seal delivered.

[Luke Burbank]

Beep, beep, beep.

[Andrew Walsh]

As we back away from our own takes. But, yeah, like, I just saw a sign the other day that said, you know, please. And I don't know, it doesn't even say phone calls. It just says, refrain from using your phone. So does that mean I can't watch?

[Luke Burbank]

I honestly, the only. The only way I can survive pumping my gas is because of my phone, because I ain't watching Maria Menounos on gas tank TV or whatever. Like. Like, that's the ultimate look at your phone time, because it is really one of those just like two to three minute dead spots in your week where you're just kind of like, okay, what do I do? I mean, I guess you could, like, wash your windshields or something, or whatever, but. So I was getting gas yesterday, noting the price walking into the car was not running for the record. But I walked into the convenience store and I got my normal. My gas station snack. Now, I try to be. I'm not the healthiest of eaters. I really am not, but I. But I try to when I can maybe make a little bit of a slightly healthier decision. And the gas station is obviously a minefield, so my go to is a sleeve of peanuts. The thing I like about peanuts is they're very satisfying to me. And yes, they have a lot of calories and fat, but they are, as I've Been saying now for going on a year. Plus, they are at least a thing that I could recognize as having grown in the ground. You know what I mean? Like, they're. It's like if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna eat something that's salty and delicious and tasty and fatty and all those things, it might as well be a peanut as opposed to Dorito potato chip.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now, to what level, if any, are you going with flavor blasting on those? Because that is something that. Absolutely zero good. Yeah. Because even, even, even gas station peanuts can be kind of pretty salty. I told you what my move is. I like to buy, and I love salt. But my favorite car snack is I always keep a thing of blue diamond almonds in the little door holder of my car. But I don't get any of those flavor blaster ones. Actually, the lightly salted ones, they're light blue and they're called lightly salted. So they're not without any salt, but they're, again, just not flavor blasted. And I think they're perfect.

[Luke Burbank]

I may actually start going for that because definitely. And this actually relates to the story. The. I just get the, like, you know, standard. Is it like, is it Mr. Peanut? You know, like. And planters. Planters. That's what I get. I just get the plant. It's blue also sleeve planters. And it's. I don't, I. I don't usually go lightly salted, but maybe I will because the regular salted ones are plenty salty for me.

[Andrew Walsh]

And are you dumping. Are you. How are you eating them? Are you sticking your finger down into the sleeve and then. No, you're just dump.

[Luke Burbank]

You're like drinking them sometimes? Yeah, a little bit. So what I do. But I get a Coke Zero, I get my peanuts. And what I like is I eat the peanuts and yeah, I will. I'll kind of like tear the corner of that sleeve off and maybe the first couple. I'll. I'll risk it while I'm driving. Maybe I'll do a slight bit of knee driving and I'll hit, you know, little.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, shaking it out like pills into

[Luke Burbank]

the, into my hands. I've never eaten one peanut, by the way, ever. But including. Unless I was shelling them, like, when they're shelled for me, I'm never eating one peanut, but I'll eat maybe a handful or two. But then when it gets to a certain level, I will just start kind of like, you know, just kind of shoveling them in the mouth from the sleeve. Okay. And then I take a Shot of my Coke Zero. And I. What I really like. And I don't mean to be gross, but I do enjoy the fact that then I'll sometimes have a little burp and it just all kind of. I like that the Coke Zero. Something about the carbonation seems to sort of like it interacts nicely in my experience with the saltiness of the peanuts. In fact, we had a whole long thing on this show 20 years ago about peanuts in my Coke. I don't know if you were listening in those days, but there's a famous country song. Is it Barbara Mandrell? Maybe I'll set up something. Jen brought to the show, but she, I think, was trying to figure out what the lyric was. Or we. I mean, we had. We spent two weeks on the lyric. Peanuts in my coat.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wow. It is Barbara Mandrell. I thought you were close, but not. Not nailing it. I was.

[Luke Burbank]

Country wasn't cool, I think.

[Andrew Walsh]

Way to go. Yeah. You're absolutely. Wow. You're absolutely right.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, we spent again. This was a long plot. Like, do I remember why Andrew or where we landed with it. Sure don't. But. So yesterday again, I got him gassed up. I got my peanuts. I'm in the car. I'm back. I'm all strapped in, driving down the road. I take my first couple of handfuls of peanuts, chomping on them. It's great. I go down, I grab my Coke Zero, which I got from the area of this gas station where I always do in the whatever cooler, open up my Coke Zero, ready to have the experience that I've been looking forward to of these two sensory sort of moments intersecting. I take a sip and I almost spit it out because it is. It is a Coke Zero product. It is a zero sugar, but it is. I look at the label, and it has a picture of a Coca Cola float on it. It's Coke float flavored Coke Zero.

[Andrew Walsh]

Coke Zero. So they're adding tons of, like, sweetness, like a. Like, I'm assuming this is some sort of a desserty ice cream, but it's still zero sugar, so it probably tastes like chemicals.

[Luke Burbank]

It was so horrific that, like. Yeah, it's supposed. The idea is. Yeah, like, it's like you're. It's a Saturday night and you're having a. A float, you know, Coca Cola and ice cream scoops. And that's what they're trying to approximate. But it tasted nothing like that. It was horrible. Yeah. Maybe if you got the, like, full sugar version of it or something, it would have been all Right. But this is like a zero calorie drink that is supposed to taste like an ice cream float.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, it's a cherry float, isn't it? Coke. The only one I can find is.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, let me take a picture of it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Coke zero sugar, cherry sugar float. Sorry. Let me try this.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, it was. Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Coke, zero sugar, cherry float. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes, yes, you're right. I mean, Andrew, I was so upset by this whole thing. I didn't even clock that it was a cherry float.

[Andrew Walsh]

Will you ever mess around with a cherry Coke or a Coke Zero? Cherry Coke.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

I had no problem with that. It was them trying to create whatever the sort of residual taste of ice cream is because you're not even think about a float. Like think about the, the, the kind of construction of it. It's scoops of ice cream and then Coca Cola and then at some point some of the ice cream starts to melt into the Coke. We grew up with root beer floats by the way. A Coke float to me seems, that seems odd because if we ever had a float, it was a root beer float.

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean that's the standard root beer. I think people started messing around with Coke floats later. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Shouldn't have. It's a sin against nature. But this is, this is the thing. It was so bad that I could, I literally could not. And I'm very. Now I'm thirsty because I'm eating these peanuts and I have nothing to slake my thirst with because it was so unpleasant to taste it that I just, I just kind of like sucked it up and did the rest of the like 45 minute drive just puckered up with, you know, the taste and the salt of peanuts in my mouth because that's how, I mean that is how bad it was. And this is, this is my hot take. We don't need any more soda flavors. We've done it. We've done it, world. We have enough different kinds of flavors of soda pop. And it's good. We're good. We don't. Because that's the reason that my drive to Portland was ruined was because of shareholders, was because of late stage capitalism was because the Coca Cola company can never be satisfied with whatever the profits are that they are, that they turned last year. They have to always grow their profits. And the only way you can do that is to keep putting whack shit out there like cherry coke zero Coke float in the hopes that it somehow becomes a big seller and you manage to move the needle ever so slightly for your, for your investors. And I Mean, there's obviously so many ways in which capitalism has really destroyed this planet, but I would say none more so than what happened to me yesterday in the car.

[Andrew Walsh]

Sure, absolutely. I mean victim number one, you cosign that I'll co sign.

[Luke Burbank]

You would say I'm the greatest victim of late stage capitalism.

[Andrew Walsh]

Luke Burbank is certainly.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

So a couple of things. First of all, your timing on this couldn't be worse because you're leaving one factor out of this which isn't just. Well, actually maybe two factors. You're absolutely right about companies feeling like, feeling like they have to keep on innovating really quickly. And I have two more things I want to say, but really quickly on that. Like, I was literally having this thought in the store. I think I have it a lot, but it's not just sodas, it's everything. I was just having thought because I was in the grocery store looking at something that has been around since I was a kid. Except you can't find the original like flavor of it or whatever it was. I don't know if it was pretzels or whatever, but everything has to be flavor jazzed or updated or now in breakfast form or like. And you can't find the original stuff. So I was just having that thought. So you're right, it is capitalism. But it's two other things too. It's technology. It is easier than ever to mess around with different flavors these days because people are using chemicals that you know, even back, I mean, it's not like the 80s or sometime some era of natural purity. But I do think there's probably just more sugar and flavors, you know, and not saying that they were drinking a can of soda. You know, grape soda in 1985 was a health food. But I just think that like it wasn't as easy to make that grape sherbert with an onion twist flavor or whatever they can do now because they just, they have it, they have the technology. And I would say the third leg of the stool. And I'm willing to go up to eight legs if you have more.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I've got a fourth leg if you don't name the leg.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm thinking I would say the third leg I'm thinking of is. And I'm seeing this right now as I'm trying to look up. This soda you were drinking is the sort of hobbyist and even quasi obsession that people have around food. Like it's such a thing now. Oh, I got my hands on this thing that is only being, you know, unrolled or, I'm sorry, rolled out in one part of the country, and eventually it'll make its way to the Pacific Northwest. And now. Oh, good. Now I've got the crazy flavored Oreo, and you know what I mean? Like, there were guys I used to work with in the engineering department at a radio station, and they were. And I kind of liked it because I'd go back to visit the engineers and eat their cookies. But, like, every day, somebody would be bringing them in a different flavor of Oreo, Some, you know, concoction, whether it was like, you know, birthday cake flavored or what have you.

[Luke Burbank]

Oops. All Oreo.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oops, All Oreo, Exactly. So I do think there's sort of that, like, the companies also know that, like, oh, well, we'll generate buzz around this just by the very nature of it only being around for a certain period of time. And people will get excited about it, and they'll blog about it and et cetera, or pod about it, as I

[Luke Burbank]

guess we sort of are. Although not.

[Andrew Walsh]

We're taking a positive. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, the other thing, the other leg of the stool, which we're now, if you're counting at home, we're at four legs.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Is. And I talked about this a lot when it comes to potato chip flavors. I honestly think it's almost like the printing technology allows for the flavoring technique. At some point, it was really easy to just print two buffalo chicken drumsticks on a bag of ruffles.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And then I was like, well, it's pretty easy to show what this is supposed to taste like. Now, again, I don't literally think.

[Andrew Walsh]

I don't think that's.

[Luke Burbank]

I think the printing.

[Andrew Walsh]

A wobbly leg on the stool. I think, because, listen, there's always your

[Luke Burbank]

own leg on the stool.

[Andrew Walsh]

There's always been, like, packaging for, I don't know, breadcrumbs that might have that same picture of a chicken leg on it.

[Luke Burbank]

But it's. It amped up at some point. Well, first of all, if you're looking at the photo of the soda that. That I tried to have yesterday, I feel like me, this is not. Maybe not the greatest example, but I do feel like there was this period of time, and again, it might have been, you know, it might have been a following indicator or just like, you know, something that followed something else. But I did notice that there was some. Something changed with bags of potato chips that were wacky flavors, where it went from being like, you know, what a bag of ruffles look like, you know, What a bag of Tim's Cascades looks like to hyper realistic photos of, of whatever the cr. The kooky thing was that was going to be in the potato chips. And I just feel like, I feel like that it didn't dis that, did it not encourage them to keep going with this, this kind of stuff. But anyway, I'm just, I'm willing. Here's what I'm. Here's what I'm willing to say. And I've already said it, but I'm willing to say it again. We don't need any more soda flavors. In the land of one soda flavor, the man with one soda flavor is the king. No, I just like. Do you feel, Andrew, like we. Is there. Can you even conceive of a kind of a flavor of soda that you're like, God, if only they made that, then my life would be complete. Like, don't you feel like we've got enough where we're good on soda flavors?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. I'm not the perfect person to ask because I'm not a huge soda drinker. But also I'm a weirdo though, because literally, I mean, I know that it's not appropriate to say this anymore, but it's what I grew up calling them. Like I still make the suicides when I am confronted with a soda machine. Like I quite literally. Did I tell you about the time I was going. Going to watch a movie with some friends? My friends were still at the concession stand and I was filling up my soda and I wasn't even thinking about it. I was just like, root beer orange co. You know, I'm just click, click, click. And I'm making it and a woman about my age is standing next to me and I wasn't even noticing her. And she just turns to me and she says, are you a child or something along those lines? It was like, it was a little bit. It was, it was certainly ball busty, but it was also nice. You know what I mean? She was, she just thought it was like. And it. And it was one of those moments where I was like, oh yeah, I think I usually do this. I think I actually sort of look over my shoulder to make sure other adults aren't seeing that this is how I drink my soda still. But like. So I don't know if that. I don't know if I'm the right person to ask because I do like mixing up soda and that's probably a flavor blast that you would swerve on.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, okay, so you said you were at the Movie theater when that happened.

[Andrew Walsh]

This is at a. This is the place I do it the most. Yeah, that I would.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay, but would you do that anywhere that there was, like, you got a, you know, let's just say you happen to be at a, you know, fast food restaurant, and it was the kind of thing where they just give you the cup and you go do your own thing with it. Would you then also probably kind of mix your flavors of soda? Is that the standard thing when somebody gives you a waxy fast food soda cup and sends you on your way to do whatever it is you. You so choose?

[Andrew Walsh]

Trying to figure out if I should just give you, like a kind of a simple, no, not so honest answer.

[Luke Burbank]

Remember, we're getting paid to talk longer

[Andrew Walsh]

because we're still in the. Still in the A block here, and I'm afraid that we are going to sweep several quarter hours with this. But, Luke, it seriously depends on the situation in the movie theater if I am responsible for my own soda, and that is to say, if I am not sharing it with Genevieve, which is something we've moved more into. I'll be honest with you. Genevieve and I used to always get, like, the swimming pool size soda, and we would share it, but when it's there in front of me and I've got a lot of popcorn, I'm going to go through that. And so it ended up being I was always leaving at some point mid movie to get a refill for both of us. And I told Genevieve, listen, we're 100 airs. Just get your own soda. And so now if I am responsible for my own independent soda, I can almost guarantee you that I'm going to mix it up into. Let's call it a graveyard. Right. And I have some rules of thumb about, like, kind of what goes in there and, like, kind of quantities of orange. Like, I think orange needs to be kind of very forward in that mix. Okay, so I'm at a fast food restaurant. Really depends on the restaurant. Like, if I'm at a Chipotle. No way. No how I'm getting lemonade. I always get some kind of a lemonade with my chipotle.

[Luke Burbank]

They even let you do. They do fountain drinks?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, they do.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

And they have, like, your regular fountain drinks. And then they have, like, hornacha. No, that's not it.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, horchata. Horchata, no, Juaritos, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, they have horchata. They'll have it in, like a special. Like a special dispensing machine that is next to it. And then A special, like, guava lemonade now. And they've. Yeah. So they have like, kind of your standard soda fare and then a few things that are in these, like, dispensers, cooler dispensers that I like a lot there, too. So that's what I'm doing there. If I'm at a burger, like a Burger King, this is going to be very rare that I find myself in a Burger King. That might be like a graveyard situation, or it just might be a straight up orange soda. Like, it sort of depends on, like, what. What I'm. What meal, what adult meal I'm eating, you know?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, that's. That. That was the nature of my question was because when you're at the movie theater, it's like, it's a. It's a.

[Seth]

A.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a special, fun adventure. You know what I mean? It's not like at the Chipotle, getting your food. It's whatever time of the day your mind is somewhere else. You're thinking about all the other stuff you got to do. That's like. That's just sort of like, you know, that's practical eating. That's just like getting the food that you need, getting the drink that. That you desire, and then just kind of like doing something you need to the. You know, the movie theater. You're in freaking Wonka land. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Walsh]

You're like.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like you're there for an adventure. You're gonna weird up your soda.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It's literally like a concession stand. Right? There's something about that it reminds you of. Like, the first time I ever drank soda like this, I'm sure, was at T ball. You know what I mean? Like, or at a field day at school, and you would go to the concession stand, you could pick out like a little tiny sleeve of popcorn, and they give you a little wax cup, like you say, and then you start mixing it up and there's something.

[Luke Burbank]

You were allowed to mix your soda at field day.

[Andrew Walsh]

They gave away maybe. Oh, no, you're right.

[Luke Burbank]

To the thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, you're right. Maybe we requested it, but I know that that is where we. I mean, I can picture in Valley City, like, kind of like. And I can. Again, I don't know if it was field day or it was usually. Maybe next to the ballpark. And you'd get done with your prep, not your practice, but your game usually. And that's where I would be drinking what we called suicides then. But you're right that we must have had to request them because I don't think they were just letting us go wild. Like first of all is the 80s, the, the self serve soda wasn't as prevalent as it is now. And also you can't do that. You'll go out of business. The school will go under.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. Well we, yeah, a.m. pM is where we learned this, the dirty trick of the graveyard. Because that was, that was the first place that I'd ever been where they would like that, you know, they would let you kind of just do whatever you wanted to your soda. And I just remember standing there with like Andy Engstrom and him being like, you know, you can just put like all the different kinds in. I was like, what?

[Andrew Walsh]

And you're not really getting away with anything there.

[Luke Burbank]

No, it's the same volume of soda. Yeah.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's not like one of them is more valuable than the other.

[Luke Burbank]

Now if I was at McDonald's, I would not. Well first of all I wouldn't do this anyway. But if I were at McDonald's, I would especially not do it because of course the McDonald's Diet Coke is the stuff of legend. There's also been speculation. Do you know about this?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, I have heard about that. And that they have their own special mix. And of course there was some argument that the straws played a part in that too. But also McDonald's has two sort of special drinks because that's also where you can get. And they took it away for a while, but it's back now. The non carbonated orange drink which is my right. At a McDonald's.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I heard somebody saying the other day like that the deal, the reason that the McDonald's. Because yeah, there's the, there's all the speculation that like the wide straw from McDonald's somehow oxygenates the soda. But the person I was talking to said no, no, no. It's just that they have their own kind of ratio and they take it very seriously. Like there are other kind of like sort of fast food places or places where you get a fountain drink where I feel like it's 50, 50 if the thing is going to taste. And for me it's usually like a Diet Coke or a Coke Zero if it's even going to taste at all like the thing it's supposed to taste like. And that's usually just because they ran out of syrup or the ratio got off. But I guess the McDonald's thing is they have their own ratio for Diet Coke in particular and they're very, very careful about it. Like that's Like a big part of the branding is to make sure that the Diet Coke is being, you know, is coming out of that machine in the way that we. The somebody. I heard somebody called Diet Coke a fridge cigarette, which you know, sort of somehow like. Yeah, just kind of like break time for people. And I've got a friend in mind. Well, it's the friend who taught me about what side of the car the gas tank was on. Who were. There are people that, that, that, that, you know, who are like, they just consume a lot of Diet Coke and it's like a cigarette. It's like, what Diet Coke are you on today? As my sixth. There's just something about like, Matt, like, like large scale Diet Coke consumption that does feel almost like you're just, you're lighting another dart.

[Andrew Walsh]

That person that you're talking about, who. Our friend who is obsessed with Diet Coke. And I know that about her and I know it's like something that, that is talked about. Although it's not like I'm, you know, if we're at dinner or something. I'm not clocking how much Diet Coke she's drinking or anything like that. Is she on Coke Zero now? I'm trying to think. No, I think it's still.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't think so because that's the other thing.

[Andrew Walsh]

But I was, I run into her at the grocery store sometimes. We are both very similar and we both really like grocery shopping. And also she got here before I did, but she's somebody who like will go to many different grocery stores knowing that, well, this store has this for me and the store has that. Which I remember her telling me about that one time and thinking like, that sounds like a pain in the ass. I'm a grocery store loyalist, right? But now I'm very much like that. But there's one where our circles, if you can picture our grocery. Grocery store cycles sort of spinning like gears. Every now and then they align so that she and I run into each other.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like the screensaver on the DVD player goes perfectly into the corner.

[Andrew Walsh]

And every now and then, and it's a somewhat regular thing, you know, maybe every few months or whatever, we run into each other at the grocery store and ask how our garbage bin situation is going. But I saw her one day, I was shopping before one of the big Seahawks playoff games and I was buying all kinds of snacks because I was going to the Eagles with our mutual friend. And she. I didn't think that she was going. I wasn't sure she was on the Text chain or whatever. And I saw her and my cart is full of snacks and some snacks that I wouldn't even usually eat. Like a bag of pre made popcorn that I got for a friend of ours.

[Luke Burbank]

Anita.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yes, exactly. And so I've got a bag of snacks and she's got a grocery cart. I've got a cart full of snacks. She's got a cart that is just overflowing with 12 packs of diet Coke. And I've known this about her, that it is this thing that it's like, yeah, she loves Diet Coke. It's like a whole thing with her sort of thing. Although she's not really somebody who's like going to make that her personality, but it's just, we just know that of her. But I guess I'd never seen it in action before. And I looked at her grocery cart, I'm like, oh, are you going to a, are you going to a Super bowl party or, you know, you going to a Seahawks party? And she looked at, she's like, no, it's just for me. And she wasn't joking. And I was kind of like, oh, wow. It's kind of like when you hear about somebody who's known for something but then you actually see it. I was like, holy. Like, because I know she goes to the grocery store a lot. She's not somebody who's like, oh, I'm gonna stock up for the rest of the year on my Diet Coke. Like this was probably maybe a week's worth.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm wondering too if. Do you remember what grocery store this was in?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, Holman Road qfc.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, Holman Road qfc. Because I wonder also remember I've been talking about these like this I could just dug best not get me talking about soda sales. I'll be jabbering till sunup. I wonder if part of it also is that, that they had one of those like buy two, get four free.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, they do that with diet. That's a good point.

[Luke Burbank]

And it's like, it is insane because again, I started the show today saying how like I, I generally don't clock things like how much gas costs or how much a gallon of milk is. But boy, they've got me, they got me tripping with these soda sales because it, it just again, I don't understand, I don't understand how there's something I'm missing about how you can buy one 12 pack and get two more 12 packs free. Maybe they just made the one 12 pack so much more expensive now. But I was in the Safeway down in the in town the other day and I'm. I was getting. So I'm. I. I buy like basically about once every two months I will buy. I'll end up coming home with like 812 packs of soda. That's why I happen to have a little.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now that you say that I'll bet you a million bucks that's what was going on.

[Luke Burbank]

Canadian Dry. Canada Dry, zero sugar. I'm like I would be a But by the way they're always having this sale but it feels to me like I would be insane to not take advantage of this but here's what happened to me the other day. So I'm. I'm in one part of the soda aisle because I was. My reserves were getting. You know what I was getting down to Andrew? All I had left in the fridge. Full sugar root beer.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah you're still. So once you realize that was full

[Luke Burbank]

sugar cursed 12 pack.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's interesting. So you were drinking what you thought was really really good sugar free, the best soda and then you realize while taping a hey dummies that that oh my God, this is not sugar free. That's why it tastes so good. I really thought and I guess this is a testament to your discipline. I think most people would be like well I didn't, I didn't mean to buy this but I'm going to finish it off. How much do you have left? And you. And you're never tempted just go for a full sugar one?

[Luke Burbank]

No. I would sooner drink a beer at 11 o' clock in the morning than I would a full sugar mug root beer because of.

[Andrew Walsh]

But you liked the taste of it.

[Luke Burbank]

I did like the taste of it but there I also at the same time had a bunch of like Coke Zeros in my fridge which had zero. It did. By the way. I'm not advocating for this and I'm not saying that this is logical or how someone should think about their intake. It's literally a hang up for me. It's like there's something in my mind that's a big red X around full sugar soda. And I think the reason is. But like I'll eat full fat French fries. You know I'll eat a full like there's plenty of things that I eat. The the like the most tasty expression of the thing with me and soda is because I find Coke Zero to be so similar to regular Coca Cola. What Coke Zero. Coke Zero.

[Andrew Walsh]

I just had one yesterday and it's.

[Luke Burbank]

You didn't think so?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, no. I actually Want to talk to you about it because I had a thought yesterday. I want to share with you on this topic because I don't think they taste alike. But anyway, go ahead.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, there's something about the fact that for me anyway, there, the, the, the diet soda options are close enough to the quote unquote, real thing. It would be like if I, let's say I really wanted to have a McDonald's, I wanted to have a Quarter Pounder with cheese. But there was also something, some weird, magical, or you could say tragical thing, that's a Quarter Pounder with cheese that's 80% as good but has zero calories. I would always eat the one that was 80% as good as. And in fact, it would make me not ever eat the one, the real one again because. But there's, the thing is there isn't that for a Quarter Pounder with cheese. So if I decided I wanted to have one of those, that's what I would have. Or a pizza is a better example, something I eat more frequently than Quarter Pounders. So with soda, it's weird because there is a version of this, like that mug root beer that I thought was so good. There is a zero calorie mug root beer that legit is pretty good. Maybe it's not as good as what I was drinking, clearly, but it's enough of the way that my brain does this weird thing where it's like there's something that is like foolish about me consuming the full sugar one when there is not in my house, but in the world, an alternative that is almost as good and has no calories. That's just what my brain does.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I mean, that makes sense to a degree. I mean, at least I, at least let me put it this way. It makes sense logically what you're saying as far as that's concerned. And I think in some ways somebody might be like, well, basically, I don't want to waste calories on this. Like, you know, that's also, that's kind of the thing. I will say this though, and I'm not trying to talk you out of anything, not that I would be able to anyway. But this isn't addressing you talk. Me. Yeah, this isn't like me addressing or trying to push back on your habits or behavior in that way. The only thing I would push back on is the idea that Coke Zero tastes like regular Coke. And I'm wondering if. Because I don't. It's not really a big issue for me. I don't crave soda. I can Go weeks and weeks and often do without having any kind of a soda, even, even sparkling water. I prefer still water anyway. We keep it in the fridge in the basement. So I do tend to drink Fresca more often or something like that. Genevieve always has Coke Zero on hand, but I probably have had more regular Coke in recent memory than you have. I think you have forgotten what regular Coke tastes like if you think Coke Zero tastes just like Coke. Because I know that's their advertising slogan, but my goodness, Coke Zero. I used to not even really like it. It tastes so much like chemicals to me. And here's the thought that I had the other day. And I'm not even saying this like anybody's wrong for liking Coke Zero. I kind of like it. It hits a spot. But I used to kind of dislike it. But then I had, I reframed how I thought about it and I literally had this thought was, I don't know if it was yesterday or the day before. I went into the refrigerator and I was going to grab a Fresca, but instead I saw one of Genevieve's Coke Zeros. So I grabbed one of those. I was like, oh, I think maybe I was thinking it might have caffeine and I think I maybe wanted a little pep to my step. So I grabbed one. And almost always if I'm going to drink something like that, I'm going to get a glass with ice and pour the cola on it. But I didn't. I just drank it right out of the can and I took a big slug of it and I thought, oh, you know what this is like, don't think of this as a replacement for Coca Cola. Think of this as cola flavored Fresca. And then when I thought about it that way, I'm like, yes, this is something in between. This isn't like Coke. It's more like a Fresca. Because, you know, Fresca has a little. I think the citrus hides it a lot more, but Fresca has a little bit of that chemically like aspartame, although

[Luke Burbank]

it's probably not even what they use anymore.

[Andrew Walsh]

And so when I thought about it that way, because you know, one of my least favorite, one of the, I mean, sparkling water, even your least favorite sparkling water is usually not going to be that bad. The only one that I can remember really disliking was like some sort of a cola flavored sparkling water where it almost just tastes like bad breath or something like that. Yeah, it tasted like kissing someone who had a Coke an hour earlier. Or something terrible. It's not quite like that. But Coke Zero to me is kind of like in between a Coke and a sparkling water. And it's kind of like. Oh, like a Fresca. It's not like full flavor and you're definitely getting a lot of chemical in there. And you can understand that this is derived from some sort of cola flavor. But I don't think it's like comparable really to regular Coke, but, you know, tastes very.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, I think what I like about Coke Zero and yeah, I guess my point isn't that they. My contention is not that regular Coke and Coke Zero taste exactly the same, but Coke Zero is if there's a continuum and Diet Coke is, you know, on one sort of part of the continuum, we're going towards real Coke.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, sure. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. Then I would say Coke Zero is definitely much closer to real Coke than the Diet Coke is because famously the whole thing with Diet Coke is it's now its own flavor.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I haven't had a Diet Coke in. I can't remember the last time.

[Luke Burbank]

It's been probably at the time it was the best they could do, right. To try to make something like Coke, but that didn't have any calories. And it honestly was not very convincing. But you know, certain people, we all embraced it. And then at some point you get people like our friend Tune who's like, prefers the flavor of Diet Coke, like, and that's a lot of people now. It's like whatever that is, whatever that thing is. However, however sort of haphazard its creation was, and however much it missed the mark of tasting similar to real Coke, it's now just its own distinct category of flavor that a lot of people just like better.

[Andrew Walsh]

And to go back to. We could probably just leave it there. But to go back to the abominable, the abomination of flavor that you had the other day.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll bet you that you and I wouldn't like that flavor even in full sugar on a sugar platform. Having said that, I'll bet you it's way worse in trying to make something that sweet with no sugar. You know what I mean?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, my issue is with the Chevron in Calama, Washington. Don't put the cherry Coke Zero cherry float flavor in the same slot as the Coke Zero. That needs to. You need. There needs to be a waiting period before that. Their ned's needs to be hind. Oh, you mean in the actual refrigeration. Like I reached up into the general Coke Zero area and also. Or Pepsi Whatever was Coke. And the thing that you start to learn. And you're right, we should have stopped a while ago. But here we go. Here I go. What if you drink a lot of, like, diet soda products or zero sugar soda products? You start to identify the visual language of soda, if it's real soda or the fake stuff. And I can tell you from each brand what the real. So Pepsi, it's black stuff that is black. With Pepsi, that means it's going to be zero sugar Coke stuff that is also like a different. Like, red. But the Coke writing is black. That means Coke, zero sugar Coke. And the writing is white. That means Coke full sugar. Like, there's all this stuff that you just start to absorb if you're always reaching into a cooler, trying to identify the thing that is the zero sugar or the diet version or whatever. And so this was. I just felt like this is such a departure from Coke Zero. This should be, first of all, in a different. It should be in the. In the alley behind the gas station,

[Andrew Walsh]

because that's the one thing. I don't know if I blame them. It sounds like the. The complaint should be more with Coke for creating packaging that doesn't differentiate original sin. Because it seems like if I'm running a store and I have, okay, this is where I keep all the Coke Zero. Now there's another flavor of Coke Zero. I'm probably putting it next to the Coke Zero. I'm probably not putting it with the orange juice.

[Luke Burbank]

Right. I mean, I'm just thinking maybe put it over. Put it with the monster energy drinks. Put it somewhere where I will never go.

[Andrew Walsh]

Every store should have a section that says yes. Stuff Luke doesn't like. Exactly. That's. That's.

[Luke Burbank]

Why do you say that? Like, that's ridiculous.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm not. I'm not. This is as earnest as I get.

[Luke Burbank]

We was hoping for some razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle. That's right, man. Razzle dazzle.

[Andrew Walsh]

On your mark. On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready? Ready, Go.

[Luke Burbank]

Everybody rattle D. All right, about an hour into the show, we should probably thank some dazzling donors. By the way, dazzling donor doesn't sound like the worst name for a soda. I mean, the donor part's tough.

[Andrew Walsh]

The donor part is tough. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Dazzle sounds like a soda. There's something about the two Z's or razzle, actually.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you know what I. You know what I saw?

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, yeah. Razzle dazzle. Razzle dazzle is the name of our soda company.

[Andrew Walsh]

What is the.

[Luke Burbank]

What is the.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, Shasta Shasta. I was walking in SARS yesterday, you know, sort of the discount grocery store near my house that sells a lot of name brand stuff, a lot of international foods, but also, like, you know, has budget stuff. And they had this big, like, kind of stack in the middle of the floor of like 12 packs you could buy. But they were all Shasta flavored. But the only one that I was just passing by, I wasn't shopping for soda, but I saw what looked like Mountain Dew. I was like, does Mountain Dew have a new design? But it was clearly Mountain Dew. And I realized it was, we should just look this up because it's super interesting. We should extend the show. It was like Shasta Mountain Flurry or something like that. It was like, so obvious that Shasta's like, I was almost gonna take a photo of it and send it to you and say, I wonder what this tastes like. I mean, they could not have been mocking up the Mountain Dew logo than they were.

[Luke Burbank]

We were talking about how I learned late in life about the sort of gas tank indicator. It also. It only occurred to me a couple of years ago in some conversation that, like, when I don't know who makes Mountain Dew, if that's Coke or Pepsi, but let's just say it's Coke, that when Pepsi came out with their knockoff, it's Pepsi.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'm pretty sure, because I think Coke was maybe mellow yellow. Then you get some bottling things. But I'm pretty sure Mountain Dew is.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, whoever made Sierra Mist. Think about it. Mountain Dew, the mist on the Sierras. Like, I was just drinking Sierra Mist or seeing Sierra Mist and not ever putting it together. That. That's like such a direct Mountain Dew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a mountain and it's the mist on the mountain. Don't you think? Like, if you said find synonyms for Mountain Dew, you might say Sierra Mist.

[Andrew Walsh]

You're absolutely right about the wording on that. But the. So the both of them are Pepsi products, though. And my memory of Sierra Mist was that it was more like a. More like a Sprite slash seven up than a Mountain Dew. Right? It was mellow yellow. That was like competitor to Mountain Dew. Right?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, Sierra Mist is now Starry, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Then, yeah. Or they kind of discontinued one and I think they did more than just rebrand it, but essentially just rebranded it. I'm gonna send you a photo, though, of. It's called Shasta Mountain Splash, by the way.

[Luke Burbank]

Love it.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's great.

[Luke Burbank]

Love it. You know who else loves it? Is longtime listener, longtime friend, and longtime supporter of the program. It's our first dazzling donor today. Jackie Justice.

[Andrew Walsh]

Jackie, I owe you an apology. It's called Mountain Rush.

[Luke Burbank]

Mountain Rush. What did you call it? Mountain Splash.

[Andrew Walsh]

I called it Mountain Splash.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes. Something else entirely that we. Jackie's asked us not to get into during her dazzling donor message. And that's fair. Jackie's in Tacoma, Washington and says, hey business boys, thanks for being wonderful companions on my long car rides to all of the tens. You're amazing. Thank you for being the best imaginary friendos a gal could ask for. Now onto my plug. As you know, the world is on fire. Some also know that I represent kiddos in foster care, some of whom are immigrants that come from mixed status families. Some of their family members are documented and some are not. While you are allowed attorneys in immigration proceedings, getting affordable support is really challenging. This is why you will see toddlers representing themselves in immigration court. Google it. I have seen this and it's truly shocking. That's me talking about Jackie. But I would imagine Jackie might agree with that sentiment without getting too terribly political difficulty. Getting representation is not a new issue. But the federal and state funding for these programs has been severely impacted by the current budget priorities. The current enforcement methods have caused an increased need. So I want to plug ways people can support youth facing immigration issues. I encourage folks to check out kids in need of defense, aka kind. And the website is supportkind.org so support and kind is one word. Supportkind.org and the Northwest Immigration Rights Project, which is nwirp.org these organizations are in great need of support right now. Help in any way that you can with funds, time or connections. Power out. Jackie could not be more right about this. And you know, I say this to Jackie every time we talk, but first of all, and much has been said about it, but Jackie justice is the greatest name for an attorney in the history of like the history of the world. And also the fact that this is the kind of work that Jackie is doing. And yeah, just to like, I feel like over the last month or so I've had too many incidents of crying on the show. So I'll try to not do that here. But like the way that our legal system is already so broken and there is so little representation for people that are in need of public defense across the spectrum. I was reading about somebody around here who did something allegedly quite terrible. It was an adult and they were in some reckless driving incident and people were hurt very badly. And again, if this all turns out to Be true. I mean, this person should be held accountable. And they also just said they're going to be in jail for a long time because there's no defense attorneys in Clark county. So. And you know, even for that person, because they are innocent until, you know, proven guilty, I feel for them because they just don't have an attorney. Now imagine you're a fucking four year old kid.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

Who did nothing wrong.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, so the fact that this, this legal system we have is so broken and then to see that brokenness impact people who have absolutely done nothing wrong and should not ever be caught up and it's just, it's overwhelming and really bad. And I'm glad that we have people like Jackie who are trying to do whatever they can to at least in small ways improve the experience in the lives of people. Again, Those organizations are supportkind.org and nwirp.org and Jackie, thank you so much. We really appreciate you. Maestro, on your mark.

[Andrew Walsh]

On your mark. Get set, get set now. Ready, ready, go. Everybody rattle.

[Luke Burbank]

Settle. Look who it is. It's Steve Lee in Shelton, Connecticut. Steve has helpfully, kind of helpfully given us a pronouncer. But it's like that kind of, it's like, I don't even know what you call this kind of writing in the dictionary. I guess it's the pronouncer that's in the dictionary. You know what I mean? Where it starts to.

[Andrew Walsh]

It'll be something kind of slash marks,

[Luke Burbank]

kind of slashes going on in there. And it, his is like parentheses, slash, S, T, I, colon, V, backslash.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And then he writes, I have no idea what that means. Like, so I don't know if you look up Steve. Well, first of all, I don't think Steve would be in the dictionary. But if you looked up Steve's name and you were trying to get a pronouncer, is that how Webster would say. We say Steve.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was so mad at a baseball announcer the other day, or maybe it was just somebody blathering on the radio and boy, you want to talk about glass houses. Do you want to talk about glass houses?

[Luke Burbank]

You know me, I'm an architecture.

[Andrew Walsh]

You really do want to talk about.

[Luke Burbank]

Are we talking neutral?

[Andrew Walsh]

We're talking about.

[Luke Burbank]

Are we talking Schindler?

[Andrew Walsh]

What are we talking about above the Hollywood Hills? Glass house. Okay, cool.

[Luke Burbank]

No, but Stahl houses.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. The kinds of houses that I should not be throwing stones at because I live in one, I guess. But somebody said like, if you look up, they were talking about a pitch like A pitcher. A baseball pitcher. Right. And they were saying, like, if you look up. Let's just say the word was like, depending on dependable or something. Be like, if you, if. If you look up, give me a picture's name. I'm. If you look up Logan Gilbert, it wasn't a local guy, but if you look up Logan Gilbert in the dictionary, you'll get your answer. Or something like that. It was like it made no sense. And also is like, you don't get answers from the dictionary. You get definitions. Like, it was so tortured and there

[Luke Burbank]

would never be a prop. There wouldn't be a person in the dictionary.

[Andrew Walsh]

And, well, the person thing is like, sort of. The people do say that. I mean, it's a little bit weird too. You usually say you look up the word dork in a dictionary, you're going to see a picture of Luke Burbank or something like that. Which is.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't know why we had to go negative there.

[Andrew Walsh]

It's really weird that that was the one example. I didn't struggle with that. I just went right there. I just went racing into the arms.

[Luke Burbank]

It sounds like you've been practicing that before the show.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I mean, let's. Let's point out here how ironic this is. I'm struggling so hard to articulate why I was mad at somebody who didn't articulate something.

[Luke Burbank]

But they're saying, you look up Logan Gilbert in the dictionary and you'll get your answer. And it's like, that's not how the dictionary.

[Andrew Walsh]

And it wasn't even that. It was more like, again, the name wasn't Logan Gilbert, but it's something more like Logan Gilbert. You look up dependable in the dictionary, you get your answer or something like that. You're just like, what are you even trying to say now? I have misspoken more times in this particular episode than most broadcasters will in their entire lives. So, like, I know that I need to offer grace in those moments, but I just remember, like, being in the shower, you must do this, right? You yell at the radio, you're just like, what are you talking about? And it's usually, it's like if you kind of don't like the tone of voice of the person or if you know that a radio announcer and you don't like them anyway, you hold their feet to the fire even more.

[Luke Burbank]

I do it with real estate agents who I see on Instagram who now post. I don't. You probably don't get as much of this content as I do, but actually I think it's a very cool thing, the modern era. And by the way, Steve, we have not forgotten about you. By the way, Stiv stiff. We have not forgotten about you. That's how it looks when I read the Pronouncer. The way that a lot of real estate agents, particularly younger real estate agents now will kind of show houses that they're representing or even houses that they're not, but that they could help with brokering. The deal is they'll just do like a home tour with their phone. And I actually love this. This is some of my favorite content. I love to snoop around. I love to see what's doing in, you know, a half bath, in the basement, whatnot. So I actually really like this kind of content.

[Andrew Walsh]

But.

[Luke Burbank]

But there's this one guy in Portland and I won't say anymore because whatever, but he. Because, you know, there's some vamping that goes on because I think the way that these, that these videos are usually put together is that the real estate agent walks through the house and they film it. And then I think they go back and probably use like a VO function on, in the, like in the Instagram app or TikTok or whatever. So you can kind of go back in and narrate what it was that you were seeing. But that also means you're sort of, you're not writing down a script. And there's this one guy who, like, he always gets cool houses. So I'm interested in the houses. But his ability to, like, I've just never heard someone who strings together more sort of malapropisms or things that almost sound like kind of a thing people say. And I can't give you a great example off top of my head, but it'll just be like, you know, you're just going to absolutely love. Your friends are going to come running to the living room that you'll be. I mean, okay, I can't even do. I can't do it because I'm too good at speaking. Andrew.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I can't get into the headspace of this guy, but he will just like always use slightly the wrong word or he'll slightly misconstrue what, you know, the thing he's saying. And it's like his. So I now will watch these and I just have to mute the vo. So you want to talk about being mad at people on the radio. I've taken it to another level. I've got beef with real estate agents in Portland.

[Andrew Walsh]

You say tomato, tomato. I say, I say tomato, tomato, I can't.

[Luke Burbank]

I can't even remember.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that Mr. Peanut Butter from BoJack Horseman? Speaking of big glass houses.

[Luke Burbank]

Speaking of Steve Lee's in Shelton, Connecticut. Steve says. And Steve, I've. I've read ahead with my eyes here at least two sentences, and I. Buddy, buddy, I'm with you. Steve says, I'm too tired to come up with anything this year. Everything is terrible. TBTL is good, thanks to the cobros and the tens out there who are trying to make the world a better place. Steve, that is an absolutely valid response. I get you, and I see you, and I appreciate you, and I thank you, really, for supporting the show. We really would not be here without Steve Lees of the world.

[Andrew Walsh]

Absolutely. And just a reminder, I'm just gonna say something that you say a lot, Luke, which is that deeply, deeply, deeply appreciate everybody who donates financially and otherwise to tbt. Totally keep this thing going, honestly. And. And of course, these. The dazzling donors who have their messages read are donating at a very generous. Some. Some spouses might. Some elevens might even describe it as a painful amount of donation to give to tbt.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't put any thoughts in anyone's

[Andrew Walsh]

head, but it's very generous on my Jason Bateman impression, and we truly, truly do appreciate it. But also, the idea of being able to read a message on the air is our way of thanking you. It's not homework that you should have to do. We never want you to feel like, oh, on top of all this, now I gotta think of something clever. If you got something to say, we definitely want to shout you out and make sure you know that you are appreciated. But you also don't have to be on the spot. You are. You are already doing a lot. You're doing very, very much. And you're doing the perfect amount that any spouse or partner would just generally agree is the right amount for tbt.

[Luke Burbank]

Thank you. That's. That's the. That's the. If there's one takeaway today, it's that. It's that nobody needs to know there's one takeaway. You don't have to clear every financial decision with the person who you share a bank account with. I've had a couple of semi successful marriages based on that premise.

[Andrew Walsh]

You can set up accounts that kind

[Luke Burbank]

of shield things offshore, onshore, partially onshore, partially offshore. It's all on the table, friends. Like a Shasta Mountain rush. By the way, that photo is shock.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'll make that the show pick, right?

[Luke Burbank]

I mean, how? Like, I Can't like the fact that Mountain Dew has not sued them for the font alone.

[Andrew Walsh]

Is that not amazing? It is like Mountain Dew. Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

That's incredible. Thank you, Steve. You're incredible as well.

[Andrew Walsh]

Here I go once again with the email. Every week I hope that it's from a female. Oh, man. It's not from a female.

[Luke Burbank]

Well, I spent so much time soda explaining that we ran out of time for the guy who turned blue. But we can talk about that tomorrow.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's great. I want to share with you something, Luke, that came in via the text line. And as I think a lot of listeners know, you can reach us. You can mostly reach me by text if you want to text, or you can also call the voicemail line. It's the same number, 206414TBTL. That's 206-4148285. Now, usually if you're texting us something, I think that that's probably. There's not an expectation that it's going to make the air. It's like you're the podcast. It's just like something that you want to probably tell me, Andrew, because, you know, it's coming directly to my phone. So sometimes things do maybe get a little bit lost in the shuffle. If you definitely want to make sure that something is kind of addressed potentially formally on the show or something, or if you think it's for air, you can email me andrewbtail.net Having said all of that, I got a text from somebody in the 360 area code in Washington state. I don't know who this person is. I don't think they'd ever texted the line before, at least not from this number because I didn't have any history with this person. But they just came in without any introduction with a poop scale. Now, when I say a poop scale, you're probably cleaning something. It was an. It was a gently used poop scale. So this goes.

[Luke Burbank]

Grandma only pooped on this on Sunday.

[Andrew Walsh]

This goes back. This goes back to. Sorry, I'm thinking about a line that I thought of you. I almost pulled it for a drop from when I was watching the Detroiters a couple of weeks ago. And it's something like the saddest eight word story or something. And it was something, I don't know. It has something to do with, I think, clown shoes. And I do think that maybe some sketch humor in there. Okay, listen, this goes back a ways, but I'm going to say two, three, maybe even four weeks ago you were Telling a story. And it had to do with the fact that you had to go to the bathroom relatively bad. And you were in a position where you're going to have to go to the bathroom, you're going to have to go number two, in a public place somewhere, in a public restroom somewhere. And I don't remember the details, I don't think it matters too much, but you were saying that on a scale of like 1 to 10, you were maybe like a 5 or something. And I, and I said, well, I don't know if I agree with your scale there. Like what, what is the.

[Luke Burbank]

How bad did I have to go? Yeah, we were trying to figure out what zero is.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then what is a zero? So out of the blue, from somebody whose name I do not know and somebody who, as far as I can tell has never texted the show before, just sent this in. Do you have to poop scale? So it's actually the do you have to poop scale zero. There is no way I could poop right now. I'm ready for my colonoscopy. Okay, that's zero on the list. Could you just hit that after each one?

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, I'm doing that now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, good one.

[Luke Burbank]

Now that I know it's the bit.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now that we know what we're doing, number one, if I needed to win a ten thousand dollar bet, I could squeeze one out right now.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a one.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's a one.

[Luke Burbank]

That tracks with what we were saying. Yeah, that tracks with what we were saying. By the. By the way, I do it for about a hundred.

[Andrew Walsh]

I'd do it for 10, probably $110.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I think what we established was for us R1 was you could go. You don't, you don't have to go, but you could produce an outcome or you could produce a, you know, materials. And zero is you couldn't even produce materials. And that's what this person's saying too, right?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. It's tough because I'm thinking about it like I don't have to go right now, but I'm trying to think if you gave me $10,000, then I'd feel so much pressure. You know, what I would do is, and I think I've told you this before, I'm one of those people that when I think about having to sneak around somewhere or something like it, it, it makes me have to go to the bathroom. Like when I was a kid, if I was playing hide and go seek and I'm hiding somewhere, I would have to go to the Bathroom almost immediately. So I would try to put myself in that mental space.

[Luke Burbank]

But see, here's the thing. I think we have to decouple a question of, like, you know, poop shyness or pressure or, like. Because that's a whole other.

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I'm just talking about in my own bathroom. If I. If you told me $10,000 right now, go in your private little bathro right on the other side of this wall, I would have a lot of trouble doing that. I would have to.

[Luke Burbank]

But does that mean you're not a one then? So you would have trouble with it? Well, I could go do it right now, no problem. I feel like our ones different.

[Andrew Walsh]

A zero, is that you literally could not do it for all of the money in the world. There's no way I can poop right now. And so if a 1. And again, this goes to 10. So 1.

[Luke Burbank]

That's not a question of how much poop is in you. That's a question of how anxious you are.

[Andrew Walsh]

What about anxiety?

[Luke Burbank]

If you're not able to listen, if you and I have the same amount of material in our. Wherever it is before it comes out of us. And they go. They go, here's $10,000. We have the same. You and I have the same amount of material in us. They go, here's $10,000. And I go into the bathroom and I poop. And that proves I'm a one because I was able to poop for $10,000. And you go in the bathroom and you can't poop because it feels like pressure. Does that mean you're a 0 or you a 1? You have the same amount of material in you.

[Andrew Walsh]

I think I'm a one. But my point was, it would be very, very, very difficult for me. So my only point here was what I would have to do is, okay, I'd have to put myself. But you would still call yourself a one there, I think. But I would have to, like, really put myself in a mindset. Like, I can't just go in there and do it casually. I mean, if that. I mean, that would have to be a four or five or something. Right? We'll get on with that. But, like, a one is, like $10,000. So, like, okay, a lot of money. Like, but I would. But for me, like, I couldn't just go in there and, like, be done in five minutes. I'd have to, like, really? I think I'd have to, like, close my eyes and, like, pretend that I may be sneaking around somewhere. If I have my phone, I'D love to see this. I might go into one of those I told you about, like they have Reddit forums where you can go in and look at like open, like not, not pervy, but like webcams that are out on the street somewhere or like. And actually after I talk about that in the show, I got a lot of emails back from listeners saying, oh yeah, I love that. I do that all the time. It's like, it's a way of kind of people watching or something. But it feels a little bit sneaky,

[Luke Burbank]

like, oh, we found people watching.

[Andrew Walsh]

More like people watching. You know me. You find a webcam that is like a security cam of like a pet grooming service after hours or something and you just sort of see like where they groom the pets, but nobody's in there right now. And it gives you that feeling of like sneaking around somewhere you're supposed not supposed to be. That is how I might be able to produce for a number one, a number two. If I'm leaving on an all day road trip, I'm going to make this happen. Otherwise, not a chance of going. That is a number two on this person's list.

[Luke Burbank]

Okay. Okay, I guess. Oh, yeah. I'm just wondering, did we. Do we know the gender of this person?

[Andrew Walsh]

No, I know nothing about this person other than that they have a phone that is registered in the 360 area code. So does that help?

[Luke Burbank]

Well, no. The traveling thing I thought was interesting because again, you know, not to generalize here, but I have never in my life and my many, and I can't overstate this many, many relationships have ever. And including like family members of mine who are women. I've never known a woman who had a free and easy time while traveling with that, that department.

[Andrew Walsh]

Me too.

[Luke Burbank]

In my personal experience of everyone I've

[Andrew Walsh]

known, I'm solidly in that too, that it's. You're in that category. Problems. Yeah. Yep. Croatia was a hell of a thing. In fact, I told you, I think I was telling you on this show somewhat recently that I had this whole thing where I was in Croatia for a few days and nothing was happening. And I didn't even do this on purpose. It wasn't really a problem. It didn't. I wasn't uncomfortable in any way. But then I made the mistake of in a moment where we did not have a lot of time, I went into a bookstore and I didn't even think about it. And it was like literally a bookstore. It was literally a bookstore. And again, there's this whole how do

[Luke Burbank]

you say Barnes and Noble in Croatia?

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. And I immediately was like, oh no, I gotta. And we had to height and we had to like kind of go through all these cobbled streets to get back to where our bags were. And then while everybody's like rushing to get out of there, I'm like, I just need to use the restroom. But I tried not to tell anybody why and I'm trying to like not be in there for a long time because this is a group of people that will call it out and I don't like to have it called out and I'm just like, ah, terrible.

[Luke Burbank]

Hank Williams Jr. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I know, I know we're trying to get through this list but the, the, this is too germane. I'm sorry to the conversation, to what you just said. The other day Becca and I were on a walk, pretty long walk actually. And as we were getting back towards her building, I started to feel, I kind of went from, let's just say, Andrew, well on this, tell me what a three is. What's a three on this? When we get to. This is what I'm gonna do. When we get to the number that represents how I was feeling, I will try to very briefly tell you this.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, cool. That sounds like a good way of doing it. So number two, the I'm leaving for an all day trip. I'm going to try to make it happen before I go on the trip. Otherwise not a chance. Number three, the faintest intestinal movement is happening perfect for my mid morning break in about an hour.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, okay. That's a three, huh?

[Andrew Walsh]

So you're feel you're feeling some stuff but you're planning ahead. You're like, oh, and this is going to be something in a while.

[Luke Burbank]

I think for me like if I say the slightest intestinal something that feels like my stomach is sending me a strong message. Like not a, like hey, in an hour we're going to be ready to do this. Maybe this because I just says faintest.

[Andrew Walsh]

The faintest.

[Luke Burbank]

Faintest. Yeah, right. I guess I only get signals from my stomach about, about. Are we going to poop? When my stomach is trying to like throw like trying to shoot up a flare, you know what I mean? Like I don't usually get an indication that we're just going to have a normal non, non, you know, sort of emergency style. Number two, you know what I mean?

[Andrew Walsh]

Like I guess I know you're only 6 through 11 and it only goes to 10. Like you're starting at 6 and you're going to shitting your pants at the ballpark which is an 11 and one of the.

[Luke Burbank]

And I think part of that is that I have never ever, ever in my life been irregular. If anything the opposite as has been well established. And so I think that I feel like this is this, is this, this, this list is made by a person who either has very healthy, very super normal situation and we're on the low end of the spectrum of this list or the low end of this list or is a person who maybe even occasionally when they said if we don't go before this trip it's never going to happen. That sounds like a person who can also get a little bound up. And so I'm, I'm. I'm trying to figure out.

[Andrew Walsh]

I would definitely. I think you're misinterpreting that. That's not, that's not. I don't think. I don't. I know what you're talking about about the travel thing because I suffer from it. I don't think that's what's related here. What they're saying is, is I'm about to do something all day that I know is going to take up my day and so I'm not going to be able to go during the day so I'm going to make it happen right now. I don't think the road trip part of it has to do with like any kind of anxiety or binding issues.

[Luke Burbank]

I hear not a chance as not a chance I could go. Not not a chance there will be a break in the day for which I can. During which I can go. That sounds to me like this has got to get handled now in the home environment because once we're out in the world we're road trip and not a chance that's going to work. That's my read. I could be wrong.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, I think you are but because I think it would be the thing if what if it said if I know I'm going to be in a 12 hour training, I'm going to make it happen. Otherwise not a chance. Like does the activity of road trip is that what is making you think that this.

[Luke Burbank]

No, the words not a chance. That sounds. There's not a chance it's going to happen. Which here's what, what I would listen for or what would make me have a different theory. If they said an all day work meeting there's not going to be time or an all day road trip or a busy day of travel, there's going to be no time. They're not Indicating that it's a scheduling problem. They're saying, not a chance. Which to me sounds like not a chance my body's going to cooperate. But again, I could be very wrong about this. Maybe this listener will submit their second. Their second message and they'll clarify which they were indicating. But my point is, like, I'm going

[Andrew Walsh]

to be busy all day. I'm going to make it happen. Otherwise, not a chance. Meaning otherwise, if I don't have something that is going to keep me away from a bathroom for eight to 12 hours, then I'm not going to go. Not a chance. If I'm not. If I don't have something that's going to take up my day, I'm not going right now.

[Luke Burbank]

Oh, that's another way to interpret it.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, that is what. That's what I'm saying. If I'm going on something, if I know I'm not going to be able to go to the bathroom all day, I'm going to make it happen. But otherwise, not a choice. I wouldn't do that right now.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah, okay, sure. That's one. That's a way to read it. That sounds more plausible to me than the way I was or the way I thought you were interpreting it earlier. Okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

And then three is then we've already said this. When I was reading. Okay, I can just feel something happening. Like, okay, maybe something's going to happen down the line. The faintest intestinal movement knows that I can plan this for like an hour out or something. So that's what we already said then. 4. My Morning cup of coffee is done and it's working. I'm not quite near a restroom, but I'm making a plan now. Four to me is kind of like now we are actually in the range of like, now.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm listening.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now we can. Yeah, so there you go.

[Luke Burbank]

Now you've got my attention. Now I know this feeling. I know the. The post coffee. The post coffee thoughts.

[Andrew Walsh]

Now are we getting. But we're still not ready for your story yet. Okay. Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

It's like the mountain climber game on. Yeah, the price is right.

[Andrew Walsh]

Exactly.

[Luke Burbank]

It's got a long way to go, brother.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay, number five. Everything is coming up roses. I'm ready to go. And I'm at home in my bathroom alone. That makes sense. That's middle of the road.

[Luke Burbank]

Beautiful.

[Andrew Walsh]

Number five.

[Luke Burbank]

Absolutely beautiful.

[Andrew Walsh]

Number six. Time to be alive, Number six. I'm walking quickly in my front door, giving only the most cursory hello to my partner without breaking stride towards the banyo okay.

[Luke Burbank]

That's probably where I was.

[Andrew Walsh]

Okay.

[Luke Burbank]

We were out for this walk. I started to feel. Started to notice a little bit of discomfort, but not that I had to duck into a knock on a stranger's door or duck into a restaurant or something, which I've done, by the way, in Europe, when also on a walk with Becca. Not my finest hour, this one, though. We get back to the building, and I said to her, because her apartment has one bathroom. All these years later, trying to preserve some of the mystery. And I remember that there used to be a bathroom in the, like, lobby level of her building.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

And I said, and in fact, that's love.

[Andrew Walsh]

A few weeks going in the BK bathroom.

[Luke Burbank]

Incredible. That's what love means. And a few weeks ago, I was taking Gigi out for a walk, and my. It wasn't like a. It wasn't even a six, but it was like, if I'm gonna go to the bathroom like this, I would rather that it was in a, like, a high traffic kind of bathroom away from, like. Like the. Away from the kitchen area of my girlfriend's apartment, which is what bumps up against the door of the bathroom in her unit. And I went downstairs, and I remember. I remember there used to be a bathroom in here, and I couldn't find it. And they'd also recently renovated the gym. They have this crazy gym now and her building. And so I. So I didn't find it, and I just. Whatever. Just used the bathroom in her place later. So when walking back, I was like, hey, did they just have a. Like, a bathroom on the ground, like, in the lobby of your building? Because it's still there. I go where? She goes, it's in the gym now. I go, I'm going to want to use that. She goes, oh, okay.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right.

[Luke Burbank]

Like, she knew what I was talking about. So we get in there. But now I need a fob. So she goes, it's in here. I go, okay. So she has to fob me into the gym. And this is like a health club gym now. There's like eight or nine people working out. I'm fully in street clothes. And she goes like, no, it's in there. And I go, I'm kind of starting to get sheepish now.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Because she's like, is. Now everybody could, if they're not listening to earbuds, could potentially hear you.

[Luke Burbank]

And there is no universe in which they would mistake me for someone who's there to work out. I'm a full streak. Like, I'm. I'm in, like, A like a raincoat kind of a thing, you know what I mean? Like, and I just want to try to be like, okay, I want to try to sneak into the bath. We have to go past all of the workout equipment into the area, you know, where they'll have like towels and water and stuff. And then the bathroom. And it's like, so she's pointing and kind of talking loudly, and I'm like, keep it down, lady. So I don't even know her. I don't have no idea who this person is. I'm here to work out. Not. Not use your bathroom.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's what all your body language is saying, 100%.

[Luke Burbank]

So then I go in there and I shut the door and then it's like, it took a minute. I mean, it was there fast, but it stuck around, let's just put it that way. And I was very glad that it was that I was 15 floors away from where my girlfriend lives. But then, boy, let me just tell you, that's a walk of shame. That is a walk of shame. You went into the gym bathroom clearly with no intention of working out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Single use, single use bathroom. Okay. I think this is really important because if you're going into a bathroom situation that has a bunch of stalls but also some lockers, like, conceivably you could be in there, you know, taking a quick shower or something like that. This is a single use bathroom. And is it also, like, could anybody walk in there? Like, did you have to also worry about, like, it locks. But I'm sorry, but when you're done, potentially there could be somebody waiting to use the bathroom. Absolutely.

[Luke Burbank]

And that was going through my mind.

[Andrew Walsh]

That's rough stuff.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. As I was in there for. I'm gonna go like 12 minutes. Because I just, at this point I was like, we gotta, you know, we gotta make sure that this whole situation has now sort of is over, is finished. This ends now, is what I was saying to my colon. And. And so then, yeah, it was done. And you know, they did have a can of Lysol in there. Thank God, you know, washed up. I sprayed a little Lysol. I don't think I've smelled Lysol.

[Andrew Walsh]

I was gonna say that's a pretty. I'm kind of surprised that it's not some sort of a fancier.

[Luke Burbank]

Dude, this is like a fancy apartment building. I thought there'd be something from Grof, but Because good old fashioned Lysol.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hannah and I talk about this a lot too. Like, does air freshener eventually always smell bad? To you because you used it to cover up bad smells for so long that the smell of the air freshener just reminds you of the bad smells. I mean, bathroom air freshener is the perfect example of this. Like, if I were to smell Lysol right now, I would think about the shitter in Lakewood, Ohio, where me and my dad shared an apartment when I was a teenage.

[Luke Burbank]

What?

[Andrew Walsh]

I mean, it's because, like, we had a can of old fashioned Lysol in there at all times. And now, of course, it smells like a place where people poop.

[Luke Burbank]

To me, I was very grateful for the Lysol. Although, I mean, who knows? The other thing is I was in there for so long that I couldn't even tell. Like, it may have. And I was courtesy flushing along the way. You know, I was like making sure that there was. So by the end, it might have. I mean, it might have been okay just because I'd been in there for so long and flushing and removing any offensive matter. But. But I, I open the door and I walk out and like, there wasn't a guy standing right at the door. But when I went around the corner, now I'm re entering the gym and again, it's just like all these people on these machines and stuff, and I just like, there's zero mystery around what was happening with that guy whose girlfriend was pointing him towards the bathroom. But I'm just like walking out. And then I kind of could say to my periphery, I feel like a guy was beelining for the bathroom. Oh, that may have just been my anxiety. I don't know.

[Andrew Walsh]

All right, we're getting near the end of this list. So that's a six for him. So again, this listener says a six is. I'm walking quickly in my front door, giving the most cursory of hellos to my partner and not breaking stride as I make my way towards the bathroom. Now number seven. Again, this goes to 10. I confused things before by joking about going number 11. Number seven is I'm asking the bookstore customer service guy where the bathroom is. So we're out in public. We're out in public, but it's happening.

[Luke Burbank]

And dead giveaway. Yeah, you're asking a staffer about the bathroom. Yeah, because I've been in a store and I've needed to use the bathroom. But I'll. It's a five. So I'm walking around the store. I'm getting eyes on the situation. You're starting to get critical when you're like, there's no. You're not being vague about that, about this, about what your needs are. You're going right up to him and going, which way is the bathroom?

[Andrew Walsh]

But of course, people don't know what your business is in the bathroom. You know, your situation was like you. It was more of a time thing. One of the rare times that I sort of feel that kind of pressure is if I'm at a restaurant and after we're done eating or something. And again, this is kind of rare that I'm gonna be in this mode while, you know, right after, like, a nice meal at a restaurant or something. But, like, there have been occasions where it's kind of like, oh, I think I have to use the restroom. And then I use the restroom. And you're thinking, like, whether it's just Genevieve or friends at a table, like,

[Luke Burbank]

how long have you been gone noticeable

[Andrew Walsh]

when somebody's been gone into the restroom for a long period of time? 10, 20.

[Luke Burbank]

I'll walk in front of the restaurant on a fake phone call if I have to try to create a little bit of a plausible. Some plausible deniability.

[Andrew Walsh]

He's just yelling, buy, buy, buy, sell, sell, sell. Over and over again. So, okay, so number seven is you're asking the bookstore customer service guy where the bathroom is. Number eight is I'd be willing to go into a dive bar with no stall door on it it right now. Eight. That's a number eight.

[Luke Burbank]

What have we left for nine and ten?

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, number nine is I'm going to poop in ten seconds. Please, oh, please, oh, please, let me make it anywhere. That's a number nine. So, like, you don't even have. You don't even know if you have that. I've been there. Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

Been there, done that.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yep.

[Luke Burbank]

That happened to me once in a rental car parked in the parking lot of, like, a Hampton Inn somewhere in the greater Atlanta area. I'd flown into Hartsfield. I had rented the car. Everything was fine. I was driving. Somewhere along the way, something shifted, like, intensely and to the point where I get to the Hampton Inn or whatever, and I park, and now I'm like, this is. I have to go so bad that I don't know if getting out of the car and walking towards the place is a good idea. Like, I did, of course. And fortunately, it did not. It did not go terribly. I was able to find a restroom in the lobby. That was one of those things where I think I came right in and was like, which way is the bathroom? Which is so embarrassing because it's like, there's Just no chill about that. Then you're in the bathroom for a little while, then you come back and they're, like, checking in.

[Andrew Walsh]

But still, though, when you're in the bath, there could be much more awkward conversations to be had.

[Luke Burbank]

Yes.

[Andrew Walsh]

If you don't play your cards right, if you know what I mean. So that's number nine. I'm going to poop in ten seconds.

[Luke Burbank]

Please.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, please. Oh, please. So please let me make it anywhere. Then. Number 10 is I am pooping right now. Even if I'm at my wedding altar. That is number 10. It's just. It's just happening. It's just happening. And I actually think that's a really well thought out list. Like, I think it's pretty. From 0 to 10. I think that's really. I mean, you were sort of saying that, like, you. You come in maybe at a 4 or 5, but not everybody does. And so the. The kind of, like, I really don't feel anything or just like. Like, I just feel the faintest, faintest thing. But, like, you know, I'm good for a couple of hours, but I know that I know what's in my future.

[Luke Burbank]

Yeah. I think, like you said, I think 6 through 11 is really my sweet spot. I think that's really where I live. Because that's the thing. When that person was talking about a little mild indicator from your intestines or however they put it, it's like, that's not something that I can really like. The thing is, despite how much we talk about on the show or how much I talk about on the show, I promise you that like. Like, the thing with me is 99% of my life, I'm not thinking about it because I don't have constipation. I'm not. Like, it's just. It's like, it's. It's on my mind. Absolutely 0 per 0 until the 1% of the time when it's all I can think about.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Luke Burbank]

I don't have a lot. There's not a lot of gradation to my experience with it, if that makes sense.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah. Well, we've been talking for a while. I feel like. I feel like I'm right on the edge of a perfect analogy of what you're talking about.

[Luke Burbank]

I thought you were saying I'm right on the edge of an eight.

[Andrew Walsh]

You know what? I'd love to go on.

[Luke Burbank]

I'd love to continue this conversation edging towards nine.

[Andrew Walsh]

Wait. Oh, my gosh. Is this what the song the edge of 17 is really all about it is somebody who is, well, passionate.

[Luke Burbank]

Just like the gym bathroom. That's not for you, Luke. That's for the people working out.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hey, can I ask you one quick follow up and I'll get the music rolling here to make sure that we don't extend it too much. But. But now that you know where that bathroom is and you don't need anybody to show you where it is, are you more comfortable? Sort of, like, kind of. That's a great. That's a great option.

[Luke Burbank]

It's a great option. It's like having your own Burger King, as you say.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, but you don't have a fob. I guess you need a Bob. I have a fob.

[Luke Burbank]

I just didn't have it with me.

[Andrew Walsh]

Oh, you got your own fob. This is great. This is good news.

[Luke Burbank]

It's. It's good. It is good. Although, to be honest with you, this. This clarity of using this lobby bathroom has arrived at the same time that. That Becca and I have moved into a phase of the relationship where we're never gonna. I mean, she. Believe me, she's not really keen on the topic at all, but I am no longer live in constant fear of her knowing that I have a human, a corporeal form that uses the bathroom. I am now at the point after five years where I can say to her, like, you might want to give that a minute.

[Andrew Walsh]

Yeah, right.

[Luke Burbank]

You know, but that took me like four and a half years to even get to saying, like, you might want to give that a minute. Like, you know, it was. It was rough. It was rough to you know, be just, you know, like constantly not wanting to ever have to use the bathroom at her apartment or whatever, you know. So, yes, I will. If it's. If it's a serious situation, I'll definitely. It's nice to have it as an option. It's very nice to have it as an option. But again, it happens at around the same time that we have actually gotten to a point where I'm comfortable with her knowing that I'm a human being.

[Andrew Walsh]

When I was a very little kid, there was a SNL sketch that I don't think I would find as funny today at all. But I remember thinking it was so funny. I'm assuming it was from the 80s, maybe, or 90s, and it was just a bunch of superheroes, like all the famous superheroes that we know from comic books hanging out at a house party somewhere or an apartment party somewhere. And the only joke I remember is at one point a door opens and it's the bathroom door, and the Hulk comes out, and he says, you might not want to go in there. I'm always almost wondering, could it have been the 70s? Could that have been a Belushi? It might have been Belushi.

[Luke Burbank]

I'm trying to think with his general vibe.

[Andrew Walsh]

Hooks his thumb and says, you don't want to go in there. And, like, everybody in the apartment just, like, grimaces. That's great.

[Luke Burbank]

That's a good joke. That's a solid spoof. All right, that's going to do it for today's episode. But guess what? We're going to be right back here tomorrow with more imaginary radio for you, so please tune in for that. In the meantime, have a great Tuesday. Take care of yourself. Don't let it get to an eight, people. Don't let it get. I've learned. This is one thing I've learned in all my years on this planet, and also the fact that you got to remember, no mountain too tall.

[Andrew Walsh]

And good luck to all. And let it be fives all the way down. Yes.

[Luke Burbank]

D,

[Andrew Walsh]

Power out.