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- [00:00]
A
K Pop Demon Hunters, Saja Boy's Breakfast Meal and Hunt Trick's Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja Boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.
- [00:14]
B
It is an honor to share.
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C
No, it's our honor.
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B
It is our larger honor.
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C
No, really, stop.
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A
You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.
- [00:27]
D
Ba da ba ba ba and participate
- [00:29]
B
in McDonald's while supplies last.
- [00:30]
C
Uh, well, I'm sorry to say we don't have any tech news today. April Fool, I'm so. I got you so good. The look on your face. I love this holiday. It's good that we do this Iran Iran has announced plans to attack 18 major tech companies across the Middle east, either as part of its ongoing military conflict with the US or the most ambitious April Fool's joke of all time. The threat was posted to Telegram on Tuesday naming Apple, Google, Microsoft, Meta, Nvidia, Boeing and GE among the companies it accused of helping the US and Israeli military carry out strikes on Iran. Wait, ge Is the US dropping shitty washer dryers on their enemies now? You're gonna have to run the ayatollah or whoever's pants through the wash twice if he doesn't want weird detergent residue on them. What do you have against
- [01:31]
B
they make shitty products?
- [01:33]
C
These tech companies have thousands of employees across the Gulf region who were warned to evacuate a 1km radius around all targeted facilities. The attacks were expected to start at 8pm Tehran time on April 1, but as of recording, no strikes have been confirmed. Risk management firm Helix's CEO James Henderson told CNBC that since AI is now being used as a weapon in the theater of war, cloud infrastructure assets like data centers will be pulled into conflict more and more. And then also GE for some reason. I mean, their microwaves suck, but are they like jihad bad? The writer that wrote that is Muslim by the way, so I'm allowed Allahu Akbar. Open source software is under siege from AI, and not in the fun style Steven Seagal way either. Two security researchers recently launched an AI tool that can clone entire open source projects as a tongue in cheek provocation to show how easily AI can be used to bypass open source licensing. The dubiously named Malus, spelled M A L U S, recreates software from public documentation alone, producing code that's functionally identical to the original, but proprietary. The seemingly satirical service markets itself as targeting companies that don't want to credit the original developers or share their changes back to the project, promising legally distinct code with corporate friendly licensing it's still unclear whether Malice is real or not, but what is definitely real is the broader threat to genuinely beloved open source tools. Curl was forced to shut down its bug bounty program to stem the massive tide of vibe coded slop. Submissions is considering a kill switch to let maintainers disable pull requests entirely for the same reason, and Tailwind Labs laid off 75% of its engineers after AI tools tanked their revenue. As for whether Malice is satire, well, on the one hand, its blog includes cartoonishly villainous posts thanking maintainers for their unpaid labor and testimonials from clients like Chad Stockholder at Profit first llc. On the other hand, a guy named Chat Stockholder is, on paper, arguably more believable than about half of the weirdo tech bros in Silicon Valley. So now, in case you hadn't noticed, today was April Fools, AKA the hardest day of the year for us here because Temu TikTok store slop has completely flooded the Internet and it's hard to tell what's real. These are probably jokes though, that I'm gonna say now. Yahoo showed off the scroll stopper, a thumb helmet inspired by what I can only imagine is Juggernaut the Marvel bad guy designed to physically stop you from doom scrolling. And I'm kinda sad that this is a joke cause for a second there I thought I knew one thing that Yahoo still does. PlayStation's Project Play mode goes the opposite direction, letting AI take over your controller, your gameplay, and maybe one day your role as a father and husband. Trager's Meat AI glasses promise real time steak intelligence. For those who love meat AI and don't love meta, there's gotta be some crossover. Metro by T Mobile dropped Kala own a phone based fragrance so you can smell like an old Nokia, and Sega released a Sanic shirt collection that thankfully did not include sonichu cd Projekt Red's Project Roach or Ride on a Controller Horse is exactly what it sounds like, an experience that gaming has been sorely lacking until now. MSI added a cat bed to a monitor arm because of course they did and I want it. And then there were these arms articles. One from TechSpot about AMD buying intel, which is thankfully not true or it would trigger the shitty naming scheme Apocalypse. And another one from tech powerup about AMD's answer to DLSS5 called FSR5 Scarlet Cortex, which genuinely broke my brain because it's seven pages long with AMD branded presentation slides, detailed diagrams, and even interactive comparisons, which is a lot of work for an April Fool's joke about a feature that in all likelihood AMD is probably going to release for real at some point soon. We confirmed with AMD that this is not real for now, but like, it's like making an April Fool's joke about Apple working on the iPhone 18 haha. What if they did that? They're going to like how you're gonna protect your privacy with our sponsor ProtonMail
- [06:11]
D
in this life, I believe a man is entitled to certain things. A good wine, a warm breeze, and an inbox that does not read his love letters and cel them to advertisers. Most email providers scan your messages, track your behavior, and some are even using your private conversations to train their AI. That is no way to treat a person. ProtonMail is end to end encrypted. No ads, no tracking pixels, no scanning of your emails. Your missives of love belong only to the one who moves your heart. For me that is my own. Vicky Cristina Barcelona we are all born private Jace A baby does not come into this world with a Terms of service agreement. ProtonMail protects you and your familia from day one because privacy is not a premium feature, it is a human right. Protect your digital privacy by checking out ProtonMail using our link below.
- [07:05]
C
Okay oh man, look at you. You've seen so many April Fool's jokes that your entire internal model of reality is breaking down. You're like straight up been set ontologically adrift. Ha ha ha. Get Anthropic accidentally open sourced part of AI coding tool Claude code Source code. Say that five times fast. I won't. The flub was spotted by security researcher Chao Fan Shu, who linked to the relevant zip archive on Twitter. Anthropic told Axios it was a release packaging issue caused by human error, not a security breach. I feel like those can be the same thing, but so at least no user data was leaked. Sysadmins on Reddit point out the sweet irony of anthropic building 23 separate layers of bash security, only to be undone by one misconfigured text file. I wouldn't have done that. Anthropic has since DMCA'd the leaks because publicly accessible data is only valid when Anthropic is the one doing the scraping. Okay, FYI NASA's Artemis 2 successfully launched today at 6:24pm Eastern Daylight Time from NASA's Kennedy Space center in Florida. The first crewed mission beyond low Earth orbit since Apollo 17 in the 70s. The 10 day lunar flyby is part of a longer roadmap in the Artemis program focusing on lunar exploration. And carries the first black astronaut, first woman astronaut, and even the first Canadian astronaut to ever visit the moon's orbit, shattering the glass dome that encompasses the entire Earth, causing our atmosphere to vent into space and giving us all hours to live. But at least those guys will get to see the moon. Oracle is laying off thousands of its employees as the company decides AI data centers have a better value proposition than people. Workers across the U.S. india, Canada and Mexico received a termination email from oracle leadership at 6am which is an AI robot thing with no prior warning and access to systems was cut immediately. Senior Operations manager Michael shepherd took to LinkedIn to write. To my colleagues who were impacted today, your worth is not defined by this moment. A post looking like it was drafted with ChatGPT. But I think what calms my restless heart is knowing somewhere out there, Larry Ellison is unaffected by all this. Sipping chardonnay in a bubble bath while keeping his perfect wax visage out of the water so it doesn't melt off his head. Over 100 of Baidu's Apollo Go robo taxis turned into 4,000 pound paperweights on Wuhan highways Tuesday night after a total system failure. The second worst news to come out of Wuhan in the last six years. Passengers were trapped for almost two hours. Some stranded in the middle of high speed lanes with trucks speeding past them. Some of them those driverless blocks that are just there's no humans in there. Okay. China uses. You've seen them? No. Okay. One passenger told a journalist it took her 30 minutes just to connect to a customer representative. Turns out AI drivers don't get sleepy, but they do occasionally decide to take a simultaneous unprompted coffee break in traffic. This'll be fine. Let's do more of this. And scientists at USC built a memory chip that works at science 700 degrees Celsius, which could finally allow computers to be used by denizens of the elemental plane of fire. The team used tungsten ceramic and a single atom thick graphene layer to block the short circuits that normally kill chips in extreme heat. It held data for over 50 hours at 700 degrees and survived over a billion switching cycles at that temperature. So for all the supervillains out there who have been eyeing up those primo volcano locations for their evil data centers, now's your time to shine. Teal, I'm looking at you and I'm looking at you, viewer, hoping you'll come back on Friday. Oh, just kidding. We got you again. It's a stat holiday. We'll be back on Monday, April 6th with more tech news. Man, you are really gullible. You should do something about that. Like severely doubt everything it Maintain heinously high standards of evidence. No intuition or vibes at all. Just question everything. Try that.
- [11:31]
B
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