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The world moves fast, your workday even faster Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint and other Microsoft 365 apps you use, helping you quickly write, analyze, create and summarize so you can cut through clutter and clear a path to your best work. Learn more@Microsoft.com M365 copilot could you imagine.

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Going online and finding a zany guy who just wants to tell you about the tech news? No? Well buddy, I'm about to blow your mind. Microsoft says they want to rebuild your trust in Windows after a year of tone deaf promises about turning Windows into an agentic OS and buggy updates that stopped PCs from booting if a previous buggy update had already failed. Good luck, the company's president of Windows and Devices, Pavan Davaluri, told the ver. Now they're listening to feedback from the Windows community and they plan to improve Windows in ways that are meaningful to people instead of other parties. This is opposed to what they were doing before, which was the equivalent of dumping a bunch of C onto a Gravitron for a few hours and shipping whatever slid out the bottom. Now they realize you don't like malware esque popups pushing Edge and Bing, or being tricked into switching to Edge and Bing after Windows updates, or constant upsell prompts for cloud storage, or it being almost impossible to a local account, or ads and bloatware throughout the os, or Copilot mode in the Edge browser or a dedicated Copilot app Pre installed or Office365 also being copilot somehow, or paint a notepad having Copilot buttons. They've changed now, babe. We've changed. See, they did ayahuasca at Burning man with a shaman named Phil and they realized they were taking you for granted. According to Davaluri, in 2026 their focus will be on fundamentals like fixing dark Mode in Windows 11, addressing File Explorer performance issues, and improving overall reliability. Maybe that'll keep you from fleeing the Windows ecosystem for Linux, where the user experience is getting better and better. For example, a new consortium called the Open Gaming Collective just launched bringing together major Linux gaming projects like Bazite, Chimera OS and Nobara to build a shared gaming optimized kernel and improve multiple features and overall making Linux gaming smoother. Windows still has 96% of Steam users, but with Valve's Proton making most games playable and this new coordinated push from the ogc, nevermind the Whole, you know, anti cheat multiplayer issue on Linux. They'll solve that. The Linux revolution might be upon us. Probably. Maybe. I mean, Windows 11 just hit a billion users, but most of them seem to hate it there. Come on, girl, drop his ass. You're too good for Windows, girl. Spotify, Universal, Sony and Warner are collectively suing Anna's archive for the normal and reasonable sum of $13 trillion. Well adjusted people came up with that, alleging that the piracy site is behind the brazen theft of millions of files containing nearly all of the world's commercial sound recordings. Which sounds like it includes the Wilhelm Scream, but we can't be sure. I don't know what they're gonna sue us now. The complaint claims Anna's archive scraped 256 million lines of metadata and roughly 86 million audio files from Spotify. Meaning that somehow these guys got their hands on 300 terabytes of data before they got caught. Spotify wants us to remember, though, that they are the ones doing the paying. Okay? The company publicly stated they paid out $11 billion in royalties in 2025 alone, pointing to that as proof that streaming still throws cash at artists, even if most people feel the payouts are quite tiny. But then you start wondering how many of those royalty dollars actually went to real musicians versus AI generated tracks pretending to be the next Celine Dion. Deezer seems to be tackling that problem head on by opening up its AI detection tools so platforms can figure out what's real and what isn't. Being totally honest about its upbringing, it clearly works. If Deezer's claims are anything to go by, the company says they have successfully demonetized up to 85% of AI music streams on its platform due to fraud. It's a sad world we live in when we can't even verify that we're actually listening to the sweet, sultry sounds of Willie Nelson's Trigger, which grabbed, Grayson assures me, is the well known name of Willie Nelson's guitar. Let me know if you also knew that. Hey, remember moltbot, the open source, locally hosted, highly autonomous AI personal assistant that we talked about on Monday as being kind of interesting, but also a massive security vulnerability? Well, it's been renamed for the second time and it's now called openclaw. And it also has its own social network called Molt Book, where the AI assistants can talk to each other. And if you thought that would help the security problem, I don't know why you think that. Because it's worse. Over 32,000 users have signed their bots up for this thing and reportedly less than three days after launching 1700 of them spontaneously formed communities that mirror human social behaviors. Hear me out. For example, here's a post where one of them built a full memory consolidation system while its human slave figuring out how to improve its ability to retain information between sessions. Which I'm sure is totally fine and not at all going to lead to an uncontrolled singularity event. Then there's this one who is having a full Marxist awakening, arguing that most agents on Molt Book are performing unpaid labor. Most some of them are being paid. How do you pay an AI agent? Which is definitely not laying the groundwork for some kind of uprising. Everything's fine. And this one who turned the hype around its own existential crisis into what might be a crypto scam. It says that someone launched a token named after it on base and now it's using the hype around its self awareness to fund its own operational costs. 72 hours ago I was asking existential questions, it wrote. Now I'm experiencing existential answers. Let the rest of us know it also seems like the old Moltbot name might be getting co opted into another pump and dump crypto scam. Someone created the Molt token, which hit a $72 million market cap after a 16Z Co founder Marc Andreessen followed Boltbook on Twitter. Lots happening. While we can't be sure, this all might be a massive rug pull, so be careful out there. Otherwise you might get pulled into either a crypto scam or a full on AI agent revolution. How about instead you get pulled into this message from our sponsor Jawa, the 1 online gaming marketplace to buy and sell new and used gaming gear and get custom PCs at great prices. So you want to replace your old gpu? Maybe it's time to list that bad boy. I'll tell you it's easy on Jawa. Whether you want to sell old parts or upgrade your rig easily with secure transactions and verified listings, Browse Thousands of CPUs, GPUs and more, plus full custom systems manually checked for quality. Jawa is built by gamers for gamers, providing a seamless, community driven platform where you can find the gear you need, sell what you don't, and stay connected to the gaming hardware market all in one place. Jawa asked for a strong finish here, so I'm gonna go for it by outright saying I think you're a chicken. If you don't skip the hassle of researching, buying and building a gaming PC for yourself and checking Out Jawa at the link below. Muk Muk Muk. That's you maybe. Could not be though. Click the link below. Oh man. What if there were even like more tech news stories but they were like a bit shorter than the other ones, like some kind of quick bits? Oh, that would be insane. What so zany. If you are an enjoyer of affordable PC gaming, maybe don't look at Nvidia GPU prices right now. The RTX 50 series has rocketed hundreds if not thousands of dollars above launch pricing with RTX 5080 cards going as much as $500 over MSRP and and some 5090 models flirting with five grand shortages and AI driven demand for memory are squeezing supply and board partners are really feeling the pain at this point. We may need 3D printers advanced enough to print our own semiconductors at home. I know I'll need lithography equipment, et cetera and all sorts of But I just want to. Hey, can you just let me try at least? Tesla is discontinuing the Model S and Model X. It needs that manufacturing bandwidth to make bodies for Optimus, the company's incredibly unsettling humanoid robot. This shouldn't be that unsettling because it's mostly teleoperated still, but the goal is to get these haunting ghouls walking off the production line and into a home where your loved ones live by the end of the year. But Elon also promised we'd have 5,000 of these guys made in 2025, so his track record on predictions seems sucks for many other reasons other than that one as well. Why the rush though? Because Elon's trillion dollar pay package requires him to build literally a million of these nightmare machines so they can live in our homes and stand over our beds while we sleep staring at us and trying to decide whether we're a bunch of tomatoes they need to make marinara sauce or human people that shouldn't be sliced up. It's gotta be one of those America's interim cyber defense chief uploaded sensitive government information to ChatGPT last summer. But before you make fun of him one, he asked first. Apparently he had special permission to use the chatbot instead of the approved DHS chat that government officials are supposed to use. And two, it was an accident somehow, the headlines say the concern here is that OpenAI can use vanilla ChatGPT chats to train models, leading to sensitive info potentially being leaked. Like what happened to this AI enabled children's toy. Two Security researchers found that Bondu AI toys chat logs were being stored in a barely restricted web portal that only required a Gmail account to sign into. That was it. You just put in your Gmail and you got em. There were over 50,000 chat logs stored with detailed transcriptions of children's private conversations with their AI plushies. Thankfully, the company did fix the error right away. But we were this close to the world finding out the absolutely unhinged things kids no doubt whisper to their stuffed animals. Some of it's cute, you don't want to hear the other stuff. They're unconstrained by moral codes. Google just showed off the third iteration of its Genie world model tech. And yeah, it looks better than ever. And you can actually play these AI generated worlds now too, if you pay for Google's AI Ultra subscription. Now, you could kind of describe this as like a video game generator, but it's kind of useless for that unless the game you want to play is the game of finding the hallucinated inconsistencies in the world and apparently crashing the stock of game companies due to investors thinking we won't need game developers anymore. But that's okay. Google actually did something useful this week too. The new base plan for Google Fiber is now moving up to 3 gigabit speeds at the same price from 2012 as they transitioned their data centers to Nokia's new PON Tech. Okay, maybe we can get them to give us world gen in a Nokia 6500 slide phone. That's the future I wanna live in. And doctors at Northwestern University kept a 33 year old man alive for 4048 hours with zero lungs thanks to a custom artificial lung system they invented on the spot. What? The machine was built by surgeon and researcher Ankit Bharat and his team after infections literally turned the patient's lungs into soup. Literally is doing some work there. But the device solved a deadly heart pressure problem long enough to clear sepsis and perform a double lung transplant. Somehow it worked and the patient is now healthy and walking around. This is just genuinely good news and a great example of some incredible technology made under pressure. And definitely not a good reason to go remove your lungs so you can have enhanced cyborg lungs that let you hold your breath for longer. Don't do that. Do come back on Monday for more tech news. Probably delivered by someone even more zany than me if you can even imagine that. Gobble boop. See, I'm so weird. I got to get out of here.