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Unnamed Tech News Host
As you can see, it is a new year, one that we can now verify contains some bonkers tech news right off the bat. So here's some of it. The Nintendo Switch 2's motherboard has leaked in photos posted on Reddit, and while normally I'd sprinkle in some allegedlies in here, the sheer quantity of Switch 2 leaks in recent months is making it pretty easy to see which ones overlap. This motherboard not only has USB C ports in the right places on the top and bottom, but but it matches up with a previous leak showing the other side of the PCB attached to what is certainly the Switch 2 panel, and I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Do we live in a simulation? I don't know, but that's the switch 2. One image shows the Nvidia processor with text indicating it was built on a slightly older Samsung 8 nanometer node, leading some to express concerns that the console's graphics won't be able to render Mario's nipples at the 4k and 60fps they deserve. Others like YouTuber TheWolf Den aren't as worried. LOL ratio. In fact, Nintendo just filed a patent yesterday, spotted by Laura Kate Dale on Bluesky, that describes upscaling techniques. And since Nvidia's DLSS is the best in the game, I'm sure the Switch 2 will do justice to whatever nips may slide onto its display. Sounds painful. So when the heck is Nintendo gonna speak up about this console? Well, they're gonna talk about it sometime in the next three months, according to the Game Awards Twitter account for some reason. Look, Geoff Keighley's just protecting his shy Japanese Mega Corporation friend. See, they're just not ready yet. That was Geoff Keighley. I haven't worked on it. In other leaks that seem surprisingly legit News, Half Life 3 um, it seems like it's happening. YouTuber and data miner Gabe Follower, who's been responsible for some reliable info in the past, claims his sources say Valve has begun friends and family play testing for the project code named HLX, which is strongly believed to be Half Life 3. His video goes through many more breadcrumbs, but speculation was truly set ablaze when Mike Shapiro, the voice actor for Half Life characters G Man and Barney, tweeted a video, speaking in a G Man esque voice and teasing unexpected surprises in the new year. Unexpected surprises? The last time Shapiro did something like this was back in 2020 during the launch of Valve's VR title Alyx. Now this may be solid proof that we can soon expect at least another Half Life game. It may also be a promo for Shapiro's own music, given that the painting shown in the video is the art from the two week old Mike Shapiro single Best long dog, the best hog hop dog in the if that's the case, I will be disappointed but happy for Mike and his reportedly very good and lengthy pet California's ban on what it calls addictive feeds for minors on social platforms was approved by a federal judge on New Year's Eve in the world's latest attempt to stop whatever is happening to Gen Alpha. We don't understand it, but we know its aura is High Key Ohio, which is not goals at all. Did you understand that? High Key Ohio? Yes. Why Ohio? Just gotta look it up. The ruling means companies like Meta Snap and bytedance will be forced to make significant changes to their social apps to prevent minors from accessing algorithmic feeds fed by their personal data. Why don't those companies sue to stop this? Well, they did. After Bill SB976 was signed into law into September, industry group NetChoice sued to block it from taking effect. And indeed Judge Edward J. Davila did block many of the bill's key elements, but upheld the ban on addictive feeds. Social platforms will also not be able to send minors notifications from 8am to 3pm and from midnight to 6am Go to sleep kids. You can have brain rot for breakfast. Even better, you can wake up and build a website with our sponsor Odoo and their code free, easy to use drag and drop elements. They provide unlimited hosting, reliable support and a free custom domain for an entire year. I know you're having trouble processing how great that sounds. Well guess what? They also adapt your content for all devices. They provide a ChatGPT powered copywriter to help with brain stuff and they have live chat and help desk tickets for support. If you need help with anything, look, just hit the link in the description to create a website for free. It'll all make sense. Oh, turns out there are quick bits in the new year too, which I honestly wasn't expecting, but okay. Honey the scam posing as a coupon finding service has been hit by a class action lawsuit filed by a group of lawyers and YouTubers including Wendover Productions and Legal Eagle, aka Devin Stone, who says after watching YouTuber Megalag's recently posted expose, he was furious, presumably because he found out about Honey stealing influencers affiliate link commissions and not because he couldn't understand megalag's Kiwi accent. Whoa. What I understood him fine. I just thought, isn't it cool that people talk differently? Pornhub parent company ILO has blocked access to its network of adults websites in Florida and South Carolina, who just joined a list of 16 other US states who have passed age verification laws to prevent minors from accessing adult content. It was 17 other states, but a judge blocked the law in Tennessee, and an investigative redditor from the state confirmed they can still access the site. Doing the hard work so you don't have to. Or in case you can. That was a pun. A map from 404 Media shows that ILO sites are now blocked across nearly half the country. If you're going by Landmass, which I don't know why you would the U.S. treasury Department says that Chinese hackers broke into several workstations and accessed classified documents in what the agency called a major cybersecurity incident, as opposed to the normal ones that happen every Tuesday. The breach comes as US government officials are still trying to get hackers out of the country's telecoms networks, which is hard when they can squeeze through gaps the width of a pencil or the length of a human hair or something. They squish their bones flat or something. I don't get it. And a software engineer helping to maintain the Diaspora federated social network said that while investigating load spikes in the project's infrastructure, he discovered that around 70% of requests received by those websites are sent by bots collecting data to train large language models. Bots from OpenAI, Amazon, and anthropic apparently come back to crawl the same webpage every six hours and manage to evade every attempt to block them, unlike the crawlers from Google and Bing, which still remember how to behave decently. These younger bots, though, they're skibidi rizzing all over the place. I never did that. But I did ask you to come back for Tech News, and so I shall again. Friday is when there will be more. So see you then. What? Why are you still looking at me? Well, this is awkward.