TED Radio Hour: "Who Counts as a Significant Other?"

Host: Manoush Zomorodi (NPR)
Date: December 26, 2025

Episode Overview

This episode of TED Radio Hour, hosted by Manoush Zomorodi, explores the evolving concept of "significant others." Traditionally, the term conjures up images of spouses or romantic partners, but today's episode broadens the conversation to include deep friendships, chosen families, singlehood, and even our bonds with pets. Through personal stories, expert interviews, and TED Talks, the episode challenges societal norms about love, intimacy, connection, and who truly matters most in our lives.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Depth and Significance of Friendship

Guest: Raina Cohen (Journalist and Author, "The Other Significant: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center")

• Raina’s Platonic “Soulmate”

  • Raina shares the story of meeting Em, a woman with whom she forms an intense, platonic friendship that mirrors many romantic partnerships in closeness and centrality.

    “She was leaning in, was making people laugh and I could feel the confidence from her and also lightness.”
    (Raina Cohen, 02:50)

  • Their lives become intertwined – they see each other regularly, attend office parties together, and are repeatedly mistaken for being romantically involved.

• Challenging Friendship Boundaries

  • Raina details how deep friendships are often misunderstood, with observers assuming there must be a romantic or sexual dimension.

    “People’s closest relationship would not only not be celebrated, but instead just… misunderstood. Where they were gossiped about, where they were accused of being closeted…”
    (Raina Cohen, 04:50)

• Friendship vs. Marriage

  • Raina, who is married, explains her husband supports her deep friendships, advocating for a model of partnership that welcomes other intimate connections.

    “I want people to realize that friendship can be much bigger and deeper and more significant to our lives than we've been told it can be.”
    (Raina Cohen, 05:42)

• Historical Context & Platonic Life Partnerships

  • Raina presents the history of friendship rituals (like “sworn brotherhood”) and argues that close friendships were publicly celebrated and emotionally intense in past eras.

    “In ancient Rome, friends would talk about each other as half of my soul… the kind of language we now use in romantic relationships.”
    (Raina Cohen, 07:31)

• Notable Quote:

  “If we don't limit friendship, it can be central to our lives.”
  (Raina Cohen, 08:24)

• Examples of Chosen Family

  • Raina shares diverse modern examples, such as platonic co-parents and long-term best friends supporting each other through life’s toughest crises, reinforcing friendship’s legitimacy as a primary relationship.

• On Living Situations

  • Raina describes living with her husband and two close friends, not out of necessity but by choice, envisioning a future where friends raise families side by side.

    “I feel like I get to live in a future world where you can just build a life with your friends.”
    (Raina Cohen, 12:38)

• Memorable Moment:

  • Raina recounts a friend posing as another’s wife to stay with her in the hospital, showcasing how platonic bonds push societal boundaries.

    “Joy tells the people in the hospital that she is Hannah’s wife just so that she can spend the night and be with her friend who is dying.”
    (Minoush Zomorodi, 10:59)

2. Rethinking Partnership and Relationship Norms

Guest: Stephanie Yates Anya Buile (Marriage and Family Therapist)

• The Myth of the “One”

  • Stephanie unpacks the prevailing fantasy of a monogamous life partner as every adult’s ultimate goal.

    “The goal is to find that one person… That is definitely the expectation societally.”
    (Stephanie Yates, 17:01)

• Societal Scripts vs. Individual Needs

  • Many couples experience conflict by trying to adhere to prescribed roles (sharing everything, living together, raising kids) regardless of personal fit.
  • Stephanie gives the example of clients who can’t travel together without fighting and encourages customizing relationship norms.

    “They can't travel together because they'll kill each other... Instead of feeling bad about doing those things, just don't do them.”
    (Stephanie Yates & Manoush Zomorodi, 17:51–18:09)

• Living Apart Together

  • She describes helping a couple improve their relationship by living separately, then reuniting joyfully each weekend, highlighting that alternative arrangements can be healthier for some.

    “By the time they came back to me, I'd never seen them communicate so well. They said that they were looking forward to every weekend.”
    (Stephanie Yates, 20:22)

• No Universal “Normal”

  • Stephanie’s core advice: every couple should define partnership on their own terms, without shame or pressure from tradition.

    “There’s no such thing as normal when we’re talking about two unique individuals…”
    (Stephanie Yates, 21:15)

• Challenges and Negotiation

  • She encourages couples to question which conflicts are true dealbreakers versus logistical or value-based incompatibilities that can be solved in unconventional ways (like sleeping in separate beds).

• Memorable Quote:

  “It's okay if people are confused about your relationship. It was never theirs to understand in the first place.”
  (Stephanie Yates, 28:23)

3. The Value and Joy of Singlehood

Guest: Dr. Bella DePaulo (Social Psychologist, Author, "Single At Heart")

• Thriving as a Single Person

  • Bella, age 71 and single by choice, debunks stereotypes around single life—arguing that being single can be a source of happiness, autonomy, and fulfillment.

    “We are happy and flourishing because we are single, not in spite of it.”
    (Bella DePaulo, 30:53)

• Countering Societal Biases

  • From fairy tales to movies, Bella notes how culture programs people to see marriage as the only path to fulfillment, ignoring positive stories of singlehood.

    “Living single was my happily ever after.”
    (Bella DePaulo, 31:48)

• Who is “Single at Heart”?

  • DePaulo defines “single at heart” people as those who genuinely prefer singlehood for the freedom it provides—not as a second-best option.
  • She offers a quiz to help listeners identify if this is their authentic identity.
    • Do you savor solitude or fear loneliness?
    • Do you prioritize personal decisions over compromise for a partner?
    • Do you value not needing to explain yourself to anyone?

    “When people told me their life stories, they said things like having time to myself is so important, it’s like breathing.”
    (Bella DePaulo, 34:19)

• Myth-busting “Loneliness Epidemic”

  • Bella argues that single people more often cultivate rich networks with friends, family, and community than coupled or married people, who can become insular.

    “The untold...story is that single people have the ones.”
    (Bella DePaulo, 41:26)

• Self-Reliance and Solitude

  • She notes the skills and comfort that come from enjoying one’s own company and challenges the narrative that being alone means being lonely.

    “Being comfortable in solitude is a wonderful and underappreciated skill.”
    (Bella DePaulo, 46:54)

4. Human-Animal Bonds: Dogs as Significant “Others”

Guest: Elias Weiss Friedman ("The Doggist," Photographer and Author)

• The Rise of the Dog as Family

  • Elias has photographed over 50,000 dogs, documenting the profound relationships between people and their pets.

    “Dogs are furry icebreakers. If it weren’t for dogs, then how would I talk to people?”
    (Elias Weiss Friedman, 50:04)

• Why Dogs Matter More Than Ever

  • With more households choosing dogs (over 40% of U.S. homes), Elias sees dogs as both companions and emotional supports in increasingly stressful, fragmented social times.

    “They give us a sense of love and appreciation. Non-judgmentally... Dogs are the one thing we can all agree on.”
    (Elias Weiss Friedman, 50:52)

• Memorable Moment:

  • Army medic Kristen Sells shares her powerful bond with her service dog Ziggy, who helped her manage PTSD and “experience life again.”

    “His love of life. I still have my bad days, but he makes my bad days way better than they were.”
    (Kristen Sells, 53:00)

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “I want people to realize that friendship can be much bigger and deeper and more significant to our lives than we've been told it can be.”
  — Raina Cohen, 05:42

• “It’s okay if people are confused about your relationship. It was never theirs to understand in the first place.”
  — Stephanie Yates, 28:23

• “We are happy and flourishing because we are single, not in spite of it.”
  — Bella DePaulo, 30:53

• “Being comfortable in solitude is a wonderful and underappreciated skill.”
  — Bella DePaulo, 46:54

• “Dogs are the one thing we can all agree on.”
  — Elias Weiss Friedman, 50:52

Key Segment Timestamps

• The Power of Platonic Friendship – Raina Cohen’s story: 02:30–14:12
• Challenging the Relationship Playbook – Stephanie Yates: 16:34–29:56
• Embracing Singlehood, Quiz, and Solitude – Bella DePaulo: 30:25–47:37
• The Dog as Significant Other – Elias Weiss Friedman: 48:17–53:38

Episode Takeaways

• Significant others are not limited to spouses; they can be best friends, communities, oneself, or even pets.
• Relationship success is about mutual understanding and customization, not conformity to societal scripts.
• Singlehood can be a thriving, positive lifestyle for many, and does not equate to loneliness or lack.
• Meaningful connection extends beyond romance, encompassing friendship and interspecies bonds that bring purpose and joy.

This episode reframes our approach to intimacy, connection, and belonging — inviting us to recognize, cherish, and legitimize the relationships that truly sustain us, whatever form they take.