TED Radio Hour: A Neuroscientist's Guide to Managing Our Emotions

Host: Manoush Zomorodi | Episode Release Date: March 7, 2025

In this enlightening episode of the TED Radio Hour, NPR host Manoush Zomorodi engages with psychologist and neuroscientist Ethan Cross from the University of Michigan. Cross delves deep into the complexities of emotional regulation, offering listeners a comprehensive guide to managing their emotions effectively. Drawing from his extensive research and personal anecdotes, Cross provides actionable strategies to ensure that our emotions serve us rather than control us.

Emotions as a Masterful Instrument

The episode opens with an evocative analogy comparing our emotions to a Stradivarius violin. Zomorodi recounts a vivid auction scene where the value of this exquisite instrument underscores its rarity and the beauty it can produce.

Ethan Cross elaborates on this analogy:

“A Stradivarius is this instrument that is capable of creating this magical music that transports us and creates beauty in the world for those who listen to it and for the person playing it as well.”
— Ethan Cross [02:22]

However, Cross cautions that even the most finely crafted violin can produce discordant sounds if mishandled, paralleling how unmanaged emotions can lead to personal turmoil and strained relationships.

Understanding Emotional Regulation

Cross introduces himself as the author of Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You, emphasizing that emotional regulation is akin to mastering an instrument. He asserts that just as one can learn to play with finesse, individuals can cultivate the ability to manage their emotions with practice and the right tools.

“We can all learn to manage our emotions more effectively. To do that, though, we need to know what tools are out there to help us achieve that goal.”
— Ethan Cross [03:28]

Emotions: A Fundamental Human Experience

Addressing the prevalence of self-diagnosis and the stigmatization of negative emotions, Cross reassures listeners that experiencing a range of emotions is intrinsic to the human condition. He challenges the pervasive cultural narrative that seeks to eradicate negative feelings, highlighting their utility when experienced in balanced proportions.

“I have everything wrong right with you. I am of the belief that all of the emotions we experience are useful when they're experienced in the right proportions.”
— Ethan Cross [05:50]

Case Study: Louisa’s Overwhelming Anxiety

Cross shares the poignant story of Louisa, a mother who faces a critical moment when her child suffers a severe allergic reaction aboard a flight. After successfully managing the immediate crisis with an EpiPen, Louisa is plagued by relentless "what if" scenarios that exacerbate her anxiety.

“Our minds are unbelievable hypothesis generating machines. We can generate all sorts of hypotheses... But yes, these are all possibilities that begin to consume her.”
— Ethan Cross [09:05]

This narrative illustrates how unchecked emotions can lead to a perpetual state of anxiety, hindering one's ability to lead a fulfilling life.

The Malleability of Self-Control

Referencing the long-term Dunedin study from New Zealand, Cross underscores that self-control developed in childhood significantly influences various life outcomes, including career progression, financial stability, and physical health. Importantly, he highlights the study's revelation that self-control is not a fixed trait—it can improve or deteriorate over time.

“If you're not good at it at one point in life, whether you're a child or an adult, that doesn't mean you're destined to always be bad at it.”
— Ethan Cross [10:12]

Tools for Managing Emotions

Cross introduces a multifaceted toolkit for emotional regulation, emphasizing that no single method suits everyone. He categorizes these tools into low-effort strategies, which are more likely to be consistently applied, and more intensive techniques.

1. Language and Self-Talk

Using language strategically can alter emotional responses. Cross cites Nobel laureate Malala Yousafzai’s method of "distanced self-talk" as a powerful tool:

“But then I said, if he comes, what would you do, Malala? Then I would reply myself that, Malala, just take a shoe and hit him... You must fight others, but through peace and through dialogue.”
— Ethan Cross [16:25]

This technique involves referring to oneself in the third person, allowing for objective self-advice and reducing emotional overload.

2. Engaging the Senses

Cross advocates for harnessing sensory inputs to modulate emotions. Whether it's music, scents, or visual stimuli, these sensory tools can provide immediate emotional relief.

“Music and sound is just one example. Scent is another... Think about them with that lens on, it gives you the possibility to start incorporating them into your lives more strategically.”
— Ethan Cross [20:25]

Managing Anxiety with a Multitool Approach

During the COVID-19 pandemic, Cross conducted studies to identify effective combinations of emotional regulation strategies. The findings revealed that using multiple tools—typically three to four—significantly reduced anxiety levels. However, the efficacy of specific combinations varied per individual, reinforcing the notion that emotional management is highly personalized.

“There are no one size fits all solutions when it comes to managing our emotional lives.”
— Ethan Cross [24:14]

The Complex Role of Venting

Contrary to popular belief, venting isn't always beneficial. While expressing emotions can strengthen relational bonds, Cross warns that without accompanying perspective-shifting strategies, venting may leave negative feelings unresolved or even intensified.

“If that is the only thing you do, you often leave that conversation feeling really good about the person you just communicated with. But all the negative feelings are still there.”
— Ethan Cross [27:49]

He suggests that effective emotional conversations should combine empathy with strategies that broaden one’s perspective and facilitate problem-solving.

Building an Emotional Advisory Board

Cross introduces an exercise called the "Emotional Advisor Audit," designed to help individuals identify supportive figures in their lives who not only empathize but also aid in perspective-taking and problem-solving.

Exercise Steps:

1. Create Two Columns: Label one as "Personal" and the other as "Work/School."
2. List Contacts: Write down names of people you consult for problems in each domain.
3. Circle Supportive Individuals: Identify those who both listen empathetically and help broaden your perspective.
4. Eliminate Unsupportive Contacts: Mark those who don't fit these criteria to refine your advisory board.

“This is an invaluable tool that I possess, that, that science based compass.”
— Ethan Cross [33:05]

The Inner Voice and Its Downside

Cross delves into the concept of the "inner voice," highlighting its dual nature. While it aids in memory retention and planning, it can become a source of negative chatter, leading to rumination and self-criticism.

“Your inner voice, this is a remarkable tool... The problem is, it is a tool that often jams up on us when we need it most.”
— Ethan Cross [39:21]

He emphasizes the importance of transforming this inner dialogue to prevent emotional stagnation and enhance clarity.

Reframing Emotions: Challenges and Insights

Reframing—a common therapeutic technique—often falters when individuals are entrenched in negative emotions. Cross discusses research showing that those prone to excessive worrying find reframing both effortful and frequently counterproductive.

“They start feeling worse when... they're trying to do this.”
— Ethan Cross [40:08]

This underscores the necessity for alternative strategies that can effectively complement or replace traditional reframing techniques for certain individuals.

Lessons from a Holocaust Survivor: Balancing Approach and Avoidance

Drawing from personal family history, Cross recounts the adaptive coping mechanisms of his grandmother, a Holocaust survivor. Rather than chronically avoiding traumatic memories, she selectively confronted them during designated Remembrance Day events. This flexible approach—alternating between confronting and temporarily avoiding distressing thoughts—proved instrumental in her emotional resilience.

“You can actually go back and forth flexibly between them. You can approach things for a while, take some time off, avoid them, and then come back.”
— Ethan Cross [45:57]

This narrative challenges the binary perception of emotional management strategies, advocating for a more nuanced application based on individual needs and contexts.

Conclusion: Expanding Our Emotional Toolbox

Ethan Cross wraps up by reflecting on humanity's historical and ongoing quest to manage emotions, from ancient trepanation to modern therapeutic techniques. He emphasizes that while our arsenal of scientifically-backed emotional regulation tools has vastly improved, the key challenge lies in effectively utilizing and sharing these strategies.

“We need to devote an equivalent amount of resources to teaching ourselves how to communicate more effectively with ourselves.”
— Ethan Cross [50:48]

Cross's insights offer a hopeful perspective: with the right tools and approaches, individuals can master their emotional landscapes, leading to more balanced and fulfilling lives.

Key Takeaways:

• Emotional Regulation is Learnable: Like mastering an instrument, managing emotions requires knowledge, practice, and the right tools.
• Personalization is Crucial: There is no one-size-fits-all solution; individuals must explore and adopt strategies that resonate with their unique experiences.
• Balanced Approach: Combining empathy with perspective-shifting in conversations can lead to more effective emotional management.
• Flexible Coping Mechanisms: Alternating between confronting and temporarily avoiding distressing thoughts can enhance emotional resilience.

For those seeking to enhance their emotional well-being, Ethan Cross's research offers a comprehensive framework to navigate the intricate realm of human emotions.