How to repair your most important relationships

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: "How to repair your most important relationships"

TED Radio Hour | NPR | Host: Manoush Zomorodi | Air date: November 21, 2025

---

Overview

This episode explores the concept of "relationship repair"—how to mend crucial connections in our lives when they've been damaged. Examining parent-child dynamics, facing mortality, and humanity’s link to the environment, the episode features conversations with psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy, death doula Alua Arthur, and Indigenous leadership advocate Valerie Courtois. Each segment provides profound insights into moving beyond rupture, transforming discomfort into healing, and viewing repair as an opportunity for lasting growth.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Repairing Parent-Child Relationships

Guest: Dr. Becky Kennedy (“Dr. Becky”), Clinical Psychologist

• The Fragility of Parent-Child Bonds (01:14-04:00)

• Dr. Becky shares a personal story of losing her temper with her son over dinner. She describes how everyday interactions can break down, often due to a parent’s own stress and unmet needs.
• Quote (Dr. Becky, 01:57): “I freaked out at him. I was like, what is wrong with you? You don’t appreciate anything I do. Did I call him a spoiled brat? Did I? I was scary. I was reactive.”

• The Myth of Perfect Parenting & The Importance of “Repair” (05:25-06:15)

• There’s no such thing as a perfect parent—mistakes happen, but what matters is what comes next.
• Quote (Dr. Becky, 06:08): “It’s not the yelling that messes up a kid. It’s the lack of repair after the yelling that messes up a kid.”

• What is “Repair”? The Four-Step Process (06:22-11:07)

1. Acknowledge the Rupture
   • Recognize what happened and its impact.
   • Quote (Dr. Becky, 08:58): “Step one is rupture. Check that off. I crushed it.”
2. Avoid Insincere/Conditional Apologies
   • Don’t shift blame, e.g., “If you hadn’t complained, I wouldn’t have yelled.”
   • Quote (Dr. Becky, 09:07): “That is not a repair. That doesn’t count.”
3. Repair with Yourself
   • Address your shame and remember your intrinsic goodness; separate your mistakes from your identity.
   • Quote (Dr. Becky, 10:31): “Yes, I’m a good parent who is having a hard time. That is very different than I am a bad person who does bad things.”
4. Repair with the Other
   • Take responsibility, name the behavior, explain future intentions, but never seek validation from your child for your apology.
   • Quote (Dr. Becky, 11:10): “Name what happened, take responsibility for your behavior, and state what you would do differently the next time.”

• Modeling Accountability (12:14-13:06)

• Demonstrating responsibility is a core way children learn to own their behavior.
• Quote (Dr. Becky, 12:50): “I want my 7-year-old to take responsibility for their behavior. But when I yell at my kid, do I model responsibility? Am I doing that?”

• Impact on Adult Children & Long-Term Patterns (16:40-18:00)

• Repairing helps children grow into adults who can take responsibility without self-blame and cultivate self-trust.
• Quote (Dr. Becky, 16:43): “A 15-second intervention can have a lifelong impact. I’ve replaced my child’s story of self-blame with a story of self-trust and safety.”

• Teaching Better Communication, Even After Conflict (18:00-19:40)

• After repair, offer your child script alternatives to negative or rude feedback, and reframe the dynamic as “us versus the problem.”
• Quote (Dr. Becky, 19:40): “There’s two ways of talking to anybody when you’re in conflict: either me against you, or me and you against a problem.”

• Breaking Generational Patterns & The Power of Truth (21:02-22:16)

• Vulnerability in parenting may feel uncomfortable, but it’s foundational for authenticity and breaking cycles.
• Quote (Dr. Becky, 22:03): “We all misinterpret discomfort as a sign that we’re doing something wrong, when really it’s a sign we’re doing something new.”

• “It’s Never Too Late” to Repair (23:36-25:33)

• Even adults can benefit from repair with their parents, and small gestures have lasting significance.
• Quote (Dr. Becky, 24:09): “If you have only one takeaway from this talk, please let this be it. It is not too late. It is never too late.”

---

2. Repairing Our Relationship with Mortality

Guest: Alua Arthur, Death Doula

• Dying, Fear & Our Relationship to Death (26:04-27:28)

• Society’s reluctance to talk openly about mortality isolates those nearing death and their families.
• Quote (Alua Arthur, 26:12): “I think our relationship to death is rotten at its core… We fear the unknown… We fear suffering. We fear not being the center of the story anymore.”

• Alua’s Personal Journey (27:45-29:12)

• After a period of depression and a transformative conversation with a cancer patient on a bus in Cuba, Alua reevaluated what living and dying truly meant.

• The Practical, the Emotional, and the Absence of Support (30:09-31:03)

• At her brother-in-law’s death, she witnessed firsthand the overwhelming nature of planning, grief, and lack of practical and emotional guidance.

• Breaking Taboos & Redefining End-of-Life (32:01-33:10)

• Many perceptions about death and funerals are shaped by media and tradition, but there are more personal, hands-on options for honoring the dead.
• Quote (Alua Arthur, 32:27): “Turns out that’s not it. You can keep bodies at home after somebody dies. They can be cared for at home.”

• Insights as a Death Doula (36:09-39:09)

• Supporting others through dying shows there’s no secret wisdom or last-minute revelation. Most wish for more time—to enjoy ordinary, sensory things, not grand experiences.
• Quote (Alua Arthur, 39:09): “It was always only right here, where there is nothing at all to do but simply to be.”

• The Case for Embracing Simple Joys (39:09-41:03)

• A client who spent a lifetime dieting found delight in food while dying—reminding listeners to savor life’s pleasures now.
• Quote (Alua Arthur, 40:20): “If you take nothing away, hear this: you are going to die, so please, eat the cake.”

• Opening Conversations about Death (43:06-44:55)

• Avoiding talk of death reinforces fear; parents and children should be open about desires and grief, making space for these difficult conversations.
• Quote (Alua Arthur, 43:40): “I think that when we hide how we feel about death and dying from children, it reinforces death phobia, and it further pushes it into the closet.”

• Daily Practices to Approach Mortality (43:56-44:55)

• Reflect on prompts about embodied living, meaningful relationships, aging, and peace with oneself.
• Quote (Alua Arthur, 44:55): “Building a relationship with death is a lifelong process.”

---

3. Repairing Our Relationship with the Planet

Guest: Valerie Courtois, Director, Indigenous Leadership Initiative

• Indigenous Stewardship and Environmental Crisis (46:10-48:00)

• 80% of the world’s remaining biodiversity is on Indigenous-managed land; centuries of stewardship offer crucial lessons for ecological healing.
• Quote (Valerie Courtois, 46:42): “If we take care of the land, the land takes care of us. This is about a relationship, a mutual love story.”

• Indigenous Guardians: On-the-Ground Restoration (48:00-52:00)

• Indigenous Guardians blend ancestral knowledge and modern science to monitor species, restore ecosystems, and heal personal and collective trauma.
• Story Highlight (Valerie Courtois, 49:20): A former heavy equipment operator found meaning, healing, and cultural pride as a Wildlife Guardian.
• Quote (Valerie Courtois, 51:45): “The land heals, and I wish that experience for anyone who has experienced and lives with trauma.”

• Healing People and the Earth Together (52:00-52:49)

• Guardian programs improve health for both humans and ecosystems, with large-scale Indigenous-led conservation efforts providing global benefits.

• Call to Action: Allyship for Planetary Repair (52:49-53:37)

• Learn local Indigenous histories, uplift their voices, respect knowledge systems, and support leaders who champion Indigenous environmental stewardship.
• Quote (Valerie Courtois, 52:49): “By honoring and respecting Indigenous-led approaches to the land, we can create a better future for all.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dr. Becky Kennedy (06:08): “It’s not the yelling that messes up a kid. It’s the lack of repair after the yelling that messes up a kid.”
• Alua Arthur (40:20): “If you take nothing away, hear this: you are going to die, so please, eat the cake.”
• Valerie Courtois (46:42): “If we take care of the land, the land takes care of us. This is about a relationship, a mutual love story.”

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:47-06:15: Dr. Becky Kennedy introduces the idea of “repair” after parent-child conflict
• 11:10-13:06: Steps and scripts for effective repair; modeling accountability
• 21:02-25:33: Addressing generational patterns and the reassurance that “it’s never too late”
• 26:04-29:12: Alua Arthur on breaking the taboo around death; her journey to becoming a death doula
• 32:27-33:10: Personalizing death care beyond the funeral industry
• 36:09-41:03: Lessons from dying clients: savoring what matters now
• 43:06-44:55: Practical advice for talking about death with loved ones
• 46:10-52:49: Valerie Courtois explains Indigenous Guardians, restoration, and the healing power of land connection

---

Tone & Language

Warm, open, and gently challenging. Speakers invite truthfulness, growth, and the embrace of vulnerability. The episode blends personal stories, practical advice, and calls for societal transformation in a tone that is supportive, wise, and hopeful.

---

Conclusion

This episode makes a compelling case that healing ruptured relationships—be they with family, mortality, or the earth—isn’t just possible, but transformative. Repair is not about perfection but about courage, truth, and connection. The wisdom shared by Dr. Becky, Alua Arthur, and Valerie Courtois resonates far beyond their fields, offering listeners concrete steps to begin mending what matters most.

---

Transcript

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Support for this podcast and the following message come from. Recorded Future. In cybersecurity, the biggest risk isn't what you see, it's what you miss. Recorded Future Bringing clarity to the signals that matter most to your business. Recorded Future Know what matters. Act first. This is the TED Radio Hour. Each week, groundbreaking TED Talks.

[Podcast Sponsor/Announcer]

Our job now is to dream big.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Delivered at TED Conferences to bring about.

[Valerie Courtois]

The future we want to see around the world.

[Alua Arthur]

To understand who we are.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

From those talks, we bring you speakers and ideas that will surprise you.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

You just don't know what you're gonna find challenge you.

[Alua Arthur]

We truly have to ask ourselves, like.

[Podcast Sponsor/Announcer]

Why is it noteworthy and even change you?

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

I literally feel like I'm a different person.

[Alua Arthur]

Yes.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Do you feel that way? Ideas worth spreading. From TED and npr. I'm Minouche Zamarodi. So, as I've mentioned before, I have another job besides this one. I'm a parent. And as anyone who is a parent or has a parent knows, playing hooky is not an option. As much as you might like to.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

I had a day. Like, I had a day. I was super stressed out. I hadn't slept. I was thinking about a million things at work. It was Sunday night. I mean, I don't know any parent who's, like, at their best on Sunday night.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

This is Becky Kennedy. She's a clinical psychologist and a mother of three. That night, she was in the kitchen. It was time for dinner, and my.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Son walked into the kitchen. He looks at the table and he's like, ugh, chicken. Disgusting. Literally like that, you know?

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Oh, so I'm just dying inside because. Substitute many different meals into that sentence. And you're at my dinner table with my daughter.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Right, exactly. So I did what any normal parent would do, which did not include a deep breath, thank you very much. I freaked out at him. I was like, what is wrong with you? You don't appreciate anything I do. Did I call him a spoiled brat? Did I? I was scary. I was reactive. I mean, the way I look at it now, my bucket of not getting my own needs met. My bucket of stuff. Stress was at its max, and all it took was my son dropping one drop in there for the entire thing to overflow.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

You gave it right back to him. Harder and faster. Because you're an adult.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Yes.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

And had it. Was he like, mom's having a tough night?

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

No, he was not like that. He, you know, he ran to his room and slammed his door.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Hmm.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

And now he's alone in his room and I'm alone in the kitchen.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

What was going through your mind?

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Like, I felt like I was in an abyss, you know, going down, down, down. What is wrong with. Why did I yell at my son? I wish I could take that moment back. And I can't take that moment back. And then also, like, what is wrong with my son? He's so ungrateful. And he made me yell. And ugh, no one makes me yell, Becky. You know, and then, ugh. If anyone ever saw is the way you actually talk to your kid, they wouldn't even believe it. And it felt like in that moment, time, like, stood still.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

The most important bonds in our lives are often the most fragile. When we argue or don't own up to our mistakes, we can make our loved ones and ourselves miserable. And so today on the show, Relationship Repair. When communication breaks down, how to fix things between us and our family, our planet, and even our mortality. For Becky Kennedy, that moment in her kitchen when she lost her cool, well, she also knew what could make the situation better. Because she's not just a mom. She's Dr. Becky. You may have heard of her.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Hi, I'm Dr. Becky Kennedy, and I'm the creator of the Good Inside Approach.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

As part of her mini media empire, she gives parenting advice to millions of millennial moms and dads on social media and big picture.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

I'm looking to be a parent's co pilot for their entire parenting journey.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Her approach is less punish and reward, like with timeouts or sticker charts.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Promise you it leads to more bad behavior because our kids never learn new skills.

[Valerie Courtois]

Okay.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

And more of the positive reinforcement and no judgment style often found in therapy.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Being a sturdy leader in any of your relationships with your kids, with your partner, with your friends.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

This translates into parents examining and accepting their own emotions first and then validating their child's.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Yes, it is about validating and seeing kids feelings as real, but that goes side by side with having real firm boundaries. You then are able to create the conditions for kids to thrive.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

It's a method that can be hard to deploy right when your child is driving you nuts and you just yelled at them.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Well, if you're a parent, you've probably felt that pain.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Becky Kennedy continues from the TED stage.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

For me, it comes with an extra layer of shame. I mean, my specialty is helping people become better parents. And yet this is true as well. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Mistakes and struggles, they come with the job, but no one tells us what to do next. Do we just move on? Kind of just pretend the whole Thing never happened. Or if I say something, what are the words? Well, I'm determined to fill this gap. Whenever a parent asks me what one parenting strategy should I focus on, I always say the same thing. Get good at repair.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

You say get good at repair. So, like, what does repair mean to you?

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Repair is really the act of going back to a moment that didn't feel good, taking responsibility, reconnecting, and making a plan for going forward. You know, kind of change the ending of a story. It's not the yelling that messes up a kid. It's the lack of repair after the yelling that messes up a kid. So let's get back to my example. Here are the facts. My son is alone, overwhelmed, and in a state of distress because, let's face it, his mom just became scary mom. And now he has to figure out a way to get back to feeling safe and secure. And if I don't go help him do that through making a repair, he has to rely on one of the only coping mechanisms he has at his own disposal. Self blame. Self blame. Sounds like something's wrong with me. I'm unlovable. I make bad things happen. And while self blame works for us in childhood, we all know it works against us in adulthood. These are the core fears of so many adults. But really, we see here, they are actually the childhood stories we wrote when we were left alone following distressing events that went unrepaired. This relates to trauma in general, right? People always ask me, is this traumatic? Is it traumatic that I yelled? Is it traumatic that my kids saw last fight?

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Whatever.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

The thing is, trauma isn't an event. Trauma refers to the way an event gets processed in the body. And really, trauma refers to an event stored in aloneness rather than within a safe connection, in this case, with an adult. And so the power of repair really changes our focus from the event or the behavior of, let's say the yelling to, okay, what can I do next to actually change the way that memory will live in my child's body?

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Damaging your child forever. It's many parents biggest fear. But for every mistake, Dr. Becky has a process to fix it.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Step one is rupture. Check that off. I crushed it.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Step two, a quick apology won't cut it.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

That sounds like this. Hey, listen, I'm really sorry I yelled. I mean, look, if you didn't complain about dinner, it wouldn't have happened, but I'm sorry. That is not a repair. That doesn't count.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

But it's probably what you were thinking inside, though a little Bit. Right.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

You know, the idea that my son made me yell at him, it's just the most powerless version of adulthood. People don't make us behave in certain ways. I was triggered in that moment, and my trigger had to do with so many things, of which my son was like, a tiny part.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

So, yes, your child will provoke you, but before you address that behavior, you need to take step three.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Three, repairing with yourself. That really, really matters. Even though it sounds kind of cheesy, and even if my son says the worst thing to me, it's definitely outside of my value system to yell at my young child. So for me, that is a behavior out of line with my own values. We all have them, and often what stops us from repairing is actually that we feel intense shame about the behavior we would repair for, and we literally then can't even face it enough to name it and repair because we're trying so hard to avoid that reality.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Okay, so it's really like giving yourself a timeout and making a clear distinction between the bad thing you did versus who you actually are as a person.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Yes, I'm a good parent who is having a hard time that is very different than I am a bad person who does bad things. And so reminding myself of that, it really took probably the 9th or 10th time for me to feel a tiny release in my body, you know, And I was no longer an abyss. Maybe just a hole, but a hole is a lot better than an abyss. It's a significant upgrade, I assure you. Right. And then, like, it was like I kind of was raising enough to kind of get grounded again. And only from that place can we repair with someone else.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Now we're ready for the actual repair.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

And to me, there's some very basic steps of repairing with someone else. It's just name what happened, take responsibility for your behavior, and state what you would do differently the next time. Hey, listen, I yelled at you earlier. I'm sure that felt scary, and this might seem controversial, but I said this. It's never your fault when I yell. Look, I was frustrated, and I'm working on managing my frustration so it doesn't come out in that way. That's not okay. And because I had repaired with myself and got to feeling like, okay, there is goodness inside me separate from this moment, I wasn't unconsciously looking for him to validate that. So even though he was kind of quiet in the moment, like, I didn't have to say to him, so it's okay. Right? So you forgive me, Right? Which we're really Saying to someone, please do the work that I could internally be doing for myself. For me.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Yeah. Why did you say that? It's controversial that you told him that when you yell, it's never his fault?

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Well, I think, you know, it's easy to say on the surface, but like, it was his fault. Had he not said that, you wouldn't have yelled again. I think that's, you know, a very powerless way to view ourselves as adults. But separately, I just, I can't imagine any of us want the next generation to think that other people are at fault for our bad behavior and our kind of reactive moments. Right. And how we explain our emotional outbursts has a massive impact on how our kids think about their own. I know a million adults are like, when does my kid take responsibility and have accountability? And I think we a little bit have to look in the mirror and say, like, am I doing that? Am I doing that? I'm the adult here. I want my 7 year old to take responsibility for their behavior. But when I yell at my kid, do I model accountability? Do I model responsibility? Right. So I think that really matters.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

In a minute. Applying Dr. Becky's approach to repairing the relationship between a parent and their adult child. She says it's never too late. I'm Anoush Zamarodi and you're listening to the TED Radio Hour from npr. We'll be right back. This message comes from Wayfair. They're the go to destination for everything home, no matter what your style or budget. A huge selection of home goods ranging from appliances and area rugs to bed and wall art. They make it easy with fast and free shipping. Even on the big stuff. Don't miss out on early Black Friday deals. Head to Wayfair.com now to shop. Wayfair's Black Friday deals for up to 70%. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com sale ends December 7th. This message comes from AT&T. There's nothing like knowing someone's in your corner, especially when it really counts, like when your neighbor shovels your driveway after a snowstorm or your friend saves you the last slice of pizza. AT&T has connectivity you can depend on or they'll proactively make it right. That's the AT T Guarantee. Terms and conditions apply. Visit att.com guarantee to learn more. AT&T connecting changes everything. This message comes from NPR sponsor Patagonia. As environmental progress stalls, Patagonia believes it's on businesses to step up. The company knows it isn't perfect, but it's proving businesses can make a profit without bankrupting the planet. Out now is Patagonia's 2025 work in progress. Report a behind the scenes look into its impact initiatives from quitting forever chemist chemicals and decarbonizing its supply chain to embracing fair trade. Explore [e-mail] impact this message comes from Capital One.

[Podcast Sponsor/Announcer]

Say hello to stress free subscription management. Easily track, block or cancel recurring charges right from the Capital One mobile app. Simple as that. Learn [e-mail] Subscriptions terms and conditions apply.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

It's the TED Radio Hour from NPR. I'm Minouche Zumarodi. On the show today, relationship repair. We were just talking to clinical psychologist and parenting expert Becky Kennedy, who also just goes by Dr. Becky to her millions of followers on social media. She was telling us about a moment when she felt like a bad parent herself.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Let's go back to that moment. So my son is in his room. I'm in the kitchen. I finally caught myself from the abyss. And my son, if I don't repair, he has to explain the event to himself. He has to do that so he can get back to feeling safe. And so what happens when I go repair? First of all, I say I yelled at you earlier and that probably felt scary. So the first thing my son can say to himself is I was right about that. And then I take responsibility. Right. It's never okay to yell. And I'm really working on managing my feelings so they don't come out in that way. And then what my kid can say to themselves, it's not my fault when people around me act out.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Right? Right.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

That is not a reflection of my worth or my goodness. That is a reflection of a struggle they are having. And that matters. That really matters. Down the line. A 15 second intervention can have a lifelong impact. I've replaced my child's story of self blame with a story of self trust and safety and connection. I mean, what a massive upgrade. What might the impact be? What might that look like in adulthood? My adult child won't spiral in self blame when they make a mistake and won't take on blame for someone else's mistake. My adult child will know how to take responsibility for their behavior because you've modeled how to take responsibility for yours. Repairing with a child today sets the stage for these critical adult relationship patterns. Plus, it gets better. Now that I've reconnected with my son, I can do something really impactful. I can teach him a skill he didn't have in the first place, which is how kids actually change their behavior.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Okay, so you're not going to let it slide because you're. Your son was quite rude, ungrateful for dinner. So after you acknowledge your role with the yelling, how do you go back and correct that behavior?

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Right. It's like, okay, but he did say this thing to you. Like, it's just okay. It's not that. It's just okay as adults. Right? Anyone? You can only take responsibility for your own behavior. And when you do, you actually make room for someone else to take responsibility for theirs. There are many times I repair with my kids, and they will say, yeah, I could have said that in a different way. Not right in the moment, but a few minutes later. Right. Like, it really does happen. But let's say it doesn't, because I'm a pragmatist. Sometimes it doesn't. Let's be real. So I always tell parents, wait 24 hours after your repair. You could say something like this to your kid. Hey, you know what I'm thinking about? Like, sometimes when I make dinner, you're going to like it, and sometimes you're not. And there's just so many ways you can tell someone that you're not loving the food you have. And I just know we can think of better ways than disgusting. You know, I wonder if you can even think of another way you can say that. I actually did say that to my son, and he literally said to me, to my face, he goes, could I say not my favorite Ooh. And I was like, you know what?

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Yeah, good one.

[Valerie Courtois]

Totally.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Or maybe it's a different situation where I say, look, you know, yesterday, maybe internally, I know I apologize for freaking out at my kids in the morning. And then 24 hours later, I say, you know what I'm thinking about? Mornings have just been chaotic, and, like, I'm working on staying calm. But I'm also just thinking you and I are really on the same team here.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Yeah.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Like, we both want mornings to be smoother.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Why is that reframing important?

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Yes. So what I always say, like, there's two ways of talking to anybody when you're in conflict. You're either on one side of the table and you're looking at them as the problem, or we're on the same side of the table, and together we are gazing at the other side of the table, at the problem. It's either me against you, you're the problem, or me and you against a problem. And until we are in the second framework, we should Literally never talk to anybody about any conflict. So when I say to my son, let's say, hey, I'm sure you don't want the mornings to feel like that either. Let's come up with some ideas that can make the mornings a little smoother and probably more fun. And then all of a sudden we can brainstorm, let's play this song, or I make a visual chart, or, you know, we have a little race in the morning. Right. And then now, instead of saying to my kid, you know, listen, if you just put your shoes on, you wouldn't get yelled at. I have repaired, which means I've set the stage for my kid to have confidence and positive self talk and not engage in self blame and self doubt. Plus, in a very practical way, we are literally now able to make the mornings better because we've reconnected. Like, everybody wins.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

You're talking about being very vulnerable as a parent in front of your child, which to me, I'm Gen X and I just feel like parents weren't like that. You know, why do you do it? Because I'm the parent, I'm the dad, I say so. There wasn't this vulnerability of saying, I'm having a bad day or I shouldn't have responded that way. They just nobody talked that way is.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

What it felt like.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

And I think you're introducing a whole different vernacular when it comes to relationships between parents and their kids.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

Yeah. You know, and so I have a couple reactions to that. You know, so one, anytime we do something new, especially cycle breaking, you know, like I'm the first person to talk about feelings in my family, it feels deeply uncomfortable. And I think we all misinterpret discomfort as a sign that we're doing something wrong, when really it's a sign that we're doing something new.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Hmm.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

So that's one thing. But the other thing. Interesting. My reaction to hearing you say vulnerable. When you're like hearing a parent say to a kid like, hey, I was having a hard time, or I'm sorry for yelling, it feels to me, I guess the word vulnerable doesn't come to mind as much as it's gonna sound. So simple, but it's just true. I feel like it's just stating what's true, you know, and we don't tell the truth all the time. We avoid the truth, or we say some version that's really. We don't even believe inside of ourselves there's a million ways to tell the truth. I'm certainly not saying, hey, I'm sorry, I Yelled at you to my six year old son. And then saying, like, let me tell you the story of my childhood and all my triggers. Like, I'm not trying to say that, but sharing a version of the truth that allows us to speak in a way or act in a way that feels in line with what, like, feels right inside of us. I think that's what has caught fire to parents. That's what makes people say, you're saying things that like, I inherently always felt like. It's always felt like this. I just maybe didn't have the exact tools or script or strategy to live it with my kids or in my life. But it feels true and it feels right. So here's the point where you might have a lingering concern. Maybe you're thinking, you know, I have a feeling my kid's older than your kid. I think it's too late. Or I've done a lot worse than you did in the kitchen. Maybe it's too late. Well, I mean this. If you have only one takeaway from this talk, please let this be it. It is not too late. It is never too late. How do I know? Well, imagine right after this you get a call from one of your parents. And if neither of your parents are alive, imagine finding and opening a letter you hadn't seen till that moment. Okay, walk through this with me. Here's the call. Hey, I was listening to this podcast.

[Alua Arthur]

And.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

You know, it made me think that were there were probably a bunch of moments in your childhood that felt bad to you and you were right to feel that way. And those moments were way more about me and something I was struggling with than anything about you. And I don't know exactly where we go from here, and I don't expect this to take away all the conflict we've had, but if you ever want to talk to me about any of those moments, I will listen. I won't listen to have a rebuttal. I won't listen to prove or refute. I'll listen to understand. I love you. I don't know many adults who don't have a fairly visceral reaction to that exercise. I often hear, why am I crying? Or listen? That wouldn't change everything, but it might change some things. So if that imagined exercise had an impact on you, imagine the impact an actual repair will have on your child. See, I told you. It's never too late.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

That's Becky Kennedy. She's a clinical psychologist and the founder of Good Inside, a book and website for parents. You can see her full [e-mail]. So the parent child relationship is a pretty common one, but the next is universal and far more nebulous. It's our relationship with death.

[Alua Arthur]

Absolutely. I think our relationship to death is rotten at its core.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

This is a lua, Arthur.

[Alua Arthur]

I think it's fear at the root. We fear the unknown. Not knowing what happens after we die, not knowing why we're here, not knowing why we die, not knowing why life, why depression, why heartache. Often people fear the process of dying. They fear being in pain or being uncomfortable. We fear suffering. And I think also the fear of not being the center of the story anymore is very disquieting. It's uncomfortable, it makes us, it makes us feel really small and powerless and that's not nice to think about.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Alua is a death doula. She provides non medical support for people at the end of their lives and for their friends and families, which can mean anything from counseling to legal advice. It's 100% not the kind of job that Ilua can just mention to people casually.

[Alua Arthur]

Either they say they wish that they knew that we existed when somebody in their life died. Their mother, father, brother, sister, somebody. Or they start telling me about their ideas and theories about the afterlife because they think I might know somehow. Or most often it's duh, like a birth doula. And I'm like, yes, but for the other side. And they say, oh, and I watch the eyes pop open.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Ailua can give the impression that she's always been a death doula, that it's something she was called to early in.

[Alua Arthur]

Life, but that wasn't always the case. I came to this work by serendipity, by circumstance, but mostly by necessity.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Here's Alua Arthur on the TED stage.

[Alua Arthur]

A little over 10 years ago, I was practicing law at the Legal Aid foundation of Los Angeles and I grew depressed. Not like a oh my God, I'm so depressed, but like for real depressed. Like can't get out of bed depressed, can't shower depressed, can't find hope, can't find a smile, but can't really find joy type of depressed. I took a medical leave of absence, so I went to Cuba and I met a woman there, a fellow traveler on the bus who had uterine cancer. We spent the 14 hour bus ride talking about her life and also her death. And it was a highly illuminating conversation. I heard firsthand how hard it was for her to even be able to talk about her fears around mortality and her disease because people censored their own discomfort with mortality rather than make space for her. I took the invitation, however, to think about my mortality and looked at my life from the perspective of my death for the very first time. And it was grim. I did not like what I saw. I noticed then that I had to live life on my own terms because I was the only one who was going to have to contend with all the choices that I'd made at my death.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

So you had what sounds like really a life changing conversation with this woman. It made you think about your own mortality in a way that you had never before. And then something awful happened not long.

[Alua Arthur]

After that bus trip. Six months later, my brother in law was diagnosed with stage four Burkitt's lymphoma. But I also believed that he would get better because I couldn't imagine a world where he wouldn't. You know, it was just, it seemed impossible that Peter would die. He was young, he was otherwise healthy, he was a dad, he was one of my close friends. There was no way. He's my sister's husband, no way. Of course he's going to live. That's just how it goes. And then four months into his treatment, I do remember distinctly the moment that I found out that he. That they weren't going to be able to cure him. So I moved out to New York where he and my sister and my niece were and supported him through the end of his life along with everybody else, his community that was there and during that time is where I felt a strong need for the work that I currently do, but couldn't find anybody, couldn't identify a person who could do the job that I needed them to do.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

So. But you learned a lot in terms of what people need during those tough months.

[Alua Arthur]

I did. Most importantly, I think I learned how isolating it is. And there weren't people that we could really talk to about what was happening professionally at least. It was like, where do we lay all these cares down? Who can be there? Who can hold my grief and my anger and my frustration and all of my questions, how do we talk to my niece, who's 4, about dying? You know, what are we supposed to say? How do I bring up that he needs to update his will or what he wants done with his body or you know, what's the right time to start talking to his parents about the fact that he doesn't want to be buried or might not want the Catholic burial that they want for him? You know what I mean?

[Anoush Zamarodi]

So many questions. So how did you decide that that person that your family needed but couldn't find. How did you figure out that that could be you for other people, that you wanted to be a death doula?

[Alua Arthur]

Well, after his death, I went to an intro course on the work of a death midwife is what it was called. And that was the first time I heard a term that felt like it could encompass what I was looking for. And I swear I left the intro session crying and dancing and laughing and scared, just terrified, but being like, I think this might be something. And it was something. It is something.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

The thing for you, it's my something. This is when Alua dove deep into death care. She took classes, read books, met professionals. And she quickly found that the image many people have of what happens when someone dies, it's just not true. For example, funerals, I thought when somebody.

[Alua Arthur]

Dies, they come to take the body away, and then the next time you see it, it's laying in a casket with its arms crossed at its chest.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

The body has been embalmed, pumped full of preservatives, and they look kind of.

[Alua Arthur]

Gray and not at all like themselves, but that's supposed to be them.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Stories are shared, religious texts are read.

[Alua Arthur]

There's a service that is often very stiff, and then they bury them, and then they put a headstone on it, and then that's it.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

I mean, it's what we've seen in basically every movie or TV show.

[Alua Arthur]

Exactly. Turns out that's not it. You can keep bodies at home after somebody dies. They can be cared for at home. You can invite people over to the house. You can decorate caskets, you can wash bodies yourself. You can care for bodies in the way that feels best for you.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Ailua, since she was a lawyer, also wanted answers to some of the more practical questions, like, what do you do with someone's car after they've died?

[Alua Arthur]

Turns out it's an entire process that you don't want to do when you're not grieving, let alone when you are grieving. It's just such a pain in the butt.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

She got to know people in death adjacent fields, like estate planning attorneys, life insurance agents.

[Alua Arthur]

I met with some EMTs. I sat with hospice nurses. I took a job at a hospice.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

But wait, this is. Well, way in, beyond the initial course you took, right?

[Alua Arthur]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Okay.

[Alua Arthur]

This is me just being hungry and nosy. And I wanted to get closer to the mystery and found that every step that I took opened up more mysteries. And that titillated me. That excited me.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

In a minute, a Lua Arthur shares how one client on the verge of death learned to enjoy the simplest pleasures of life on the show today. Relationship Repair I'm Anoush Zamarodi and you're listening to the TED Radio Hour from npr. We'll be right back. This message comes from at&t. Whether you're calling your parents to say Happy Anniversary or checking in with your kids before bedtime, staying connected matters. That's why AT and T has connectivity you can depend on, or they'll proactively make it right. That's the ATT guarantee. Terms and conditions apply. Visit att.comguarantee to learn more. AT&T connecting changes everything.

[Podcast Sponsor/Announcer]

This message comes from Schwab. Everyone has moments when they could have done better. Same goes for where you invest. Level up and invest smarter with Schwab. Get market insights, education and human help when you need it.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Support for this podcast and the following message come from Recorded Future Every day, millions of cyber threats compete for attention, but only a few truly matter to your business. As a leading threat intelligence company, Recorded Future cuts through the noise with precision intelligence. That's why top banks and governments trust them, because security leaders don't just react, they foresee spotting the signals that others miss and acting before threats become setbacks. Recorded Future Know what matters. Act first. This message comes from Whole Foods Market. Save on your Thanksgiving must haves at Whole Foods Market. You'll find it all fresh. No antibiotics ever. Turkeys start at $2.99 a pound for dessert. Win your table over with home baked treats. Explore sales on baking essentials like spices, broths and more from 365brand, including plenty of organic options. Complete your spread with grab and go crowd pleasers like creamy mashed russet potatoes. Shop Thanksgiving savings now at Whole Foods Market. Terms apply. It's the TED Radio Hour from npr. I'm Anoush Zamorodi. On the show today, Relationship Repair and we were just talking to Death Doula Elua Arthur about how we all need to mend our own relationship with the inevitable.

[Alua Arthur]

I sit deep in the trench with folks as they prepare for death. There's no fixing or saving anything because there's no fixing or saving grief or death. It just is. I meet people where they are at. My goal is to help them answer the question, what must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully, holding both at the same time? I used to think dying people had it all figured out, though. I used to think that they'd lay there with their hands like this because we all know this is like universal dying person pose. So they'd lay there with their hands like this, and there'd be a little glimmer in their eye. They'd be like, oh, yes, finally it all makes sense. Turns out it's not like that at all. It doesn't look like that Hollywood has lied to us. We know that already, right? Cinderella was unconscionable, but this is just flagrant. It's not like that at all. It's way too much work to be doing while you're dying. So it doesn't look like that. There's no secret. There's nothing magical. You'll find out then this is it. There's nothing to figure out. No big secret at all. Many of my clients also reach the end of their lives wishing that they had more time. But I'm always curious, more time for what? What else would they do with the time that they had? It's rarely to go see Machu Picchu. Okay, I'll tell you that in your.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Talk, you tell a story about a client who you feel kind of represents a lot of the struggles that you often see people facing. Do you mind sharing that now?

[Alua Arthur]

Yeah, yeah. This client, when she came to me, she had practically everything else checked off the list. She had her end of life plan complete. She just was looking for anything else that she needed to do. And what became clear was that she was still trying to figure out what her time on earth had been for. She'd had a great career. She'd had children. A big thing that came up during the conversation was a bit of a judgment of herself that her children hadn't been the center of her life and that they weren't everything for her. She thought that her purpose, somehow she'd been wrapped up in her kids, and for her, it wasn't. And so that caused a lot of confusion. And she felt as a bit of an outsider to a lot of mothers that she knew. But when it came right down to it, she became clear that her purpose wasn't wrapped up in her children or her work at all, but the fact that she was alive, that she had a chance to be here for the time that she was here and to engage with food and other humans and laughter and sunshine, which was. I remember chatting about this with my therapist who was like, I'll bet a lot of people don't ever say that they don't think that their kids are the purpose of their lives. And I thought, ooh, that is so controversial, so juicy, so salacious.

We can't say things like that.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Can't even think it, can't think it.

[Alua Arthur]

But for many, I think it's the truth. And we deny it until we're laying on the deathbed and we're thinking, wow, did I wrap myself all up in something that was not true for me.

While she was healthy, it was about the next career milestone of what's happening with the kids next or the next trip when she was sick, More of the same. Next doctor's appointment, next scan, next medication. It was always out there. She was always, always looking out there. But death was coming to remind her that she had no more out there, that it was always only right here, where there is nothing at all to do but simply to be. We zoomed out on her life to look at what she enjoyed, to see where she placed value, because from there, we can figure out where we place meaning. It was about the little things. Her hands in the soil, her garden, building a fire, reading books, and food. She loved to eat, but she had dieted most of her adult life. That sound at all familiar to anybody? Okay, if it does, this is for you. Okay, if you take nothing away, hear this, you are going to die. So please eat the cake, Eat the cake, order the dessert, eat the French fries, eat the brownies, Eat everything you want to. Just eat it, because you're going to die one day. You won't be able to anymore. At this point in her disease process, chemotherapy had ravaged her taste buds, so she had to rely on her sense of smell to get pleasure out of eating. And she ate. She did it as much as she could because she knew she wouldn't be able to for much longer. She ate as much as cancer would allow. And when her body could no longer process food, we placed her favorite passion fruit souffle right on her lip. And she would lick it and smile. She lived more in the last eight months or so of her life with the help of hospice than she had before. She was finally present at home in her body, delighting in the richness of the sensory experience we have by virtue of these fantastical bodies that we will die in, these bodies that we will die in.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Are you actually there with the person and the family when they die?

[Alua Arthur]

It depends on what the client wants for themselves. Sometimes they want somebody there. Sometimes the circle of support really needs somebody there. But at the baseline, I trust my clients in their innate capacity to die. And the people that die care for them in their capacity to care for their dying. And so I'm there when somebody requests it. But aside from that I'll just sleep with a ringer on in case they need me. And most of the time, they just need a question answered, like, is this okay? Or heartbreakingly, one mother called once and asked if it was okay if she got into bed with her daughter, who I think was in her 40s, who was dying. And of course, the answer is yes. Hold her. You know, this is going to be the last time. Holder. Holder.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

You know, I just hesitated when I asked you that question. I was going to say, how many people have you been with who have passed on? And then I was like, no, just say it. Say the word. Say died.

[Alua Arthur]

Yes, Minouche.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

It's hard.

[Alua Arthur]

A plus.

It's so hard. Why? I mean, they teach us not to.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

It's a thing.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

You live, you get born, and then you die.

[Alua Arthur]

Just like that. In fact, yes, it's a fact.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

We've been on a bit of a quest in my family to reclaim the word. And then the other day, my daughter and I were talking about composting, and I just came out and said it. I was like, this is what I want you to do with my body when I die. And she looked so shocked at me, and I was like, am I, like, hurting her psychically? Is she gonna be talking about her.

[Podcast Sponsor/Announcer]

The.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

This moment with her therapist 20 years from now? Or am I just starting to open a conversation that we should all be having? And I'm not. I'm still not sure.

[Dr. Becky Kennedy]

What do you think?

[Alua Arthur]

How old is she?

[Anoush Zamarodi]

She's 13.

[Podcast Sponsor/Announcer]

Okay.

[Alua Arthur]

Well, I think that. Well, first of all, a plus for your daughter for saying something.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Thank you.

[Alua Arthur]

No, I don't think that that's going to be a moment that she's going to have to talk about in therapy later. Although I don't know your daughter's constitution. But I think that it's important. I think that when we hide how we feel about death and dying from children, it reinforces death phobia, and it further pushes it into the closet. I'd suggest that you also spend some time talking to her, generally about her thoughts about death and dying. Have grandparents die? Did we make space for grief? Who in her life has died? You know, let's open the conversation to make space for death overall.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

I mean, this sounds like something all of us have to do. Let's say you're not quite ready to commit to taking a course, or you're not at the point where you need to hire someone like you or you can't hire someone like you. What can we do?

[Alua Arthur]

There's so much there's so much we can do. Building a relationship with death is a lifelong process. We just created a new practice where every day you get a question, which is based on a lot of the questions that I notice. I use when people are dying as I support them in reconciling their lives, their legacies, their loves, their relationship to their bodies and themselves and the people in their lives, etc. It's like, when do you feel most at home in your body? Oh, because that's something we want to cultivate as people are dying, because dying is a process of coming home into the body. My favorite question what must I do to be at peace with myself so that I may live presently and die gracefully? Questions like your most delightful experience of the senses to see if we can cultivate more of that. We talk about aging a bit, but we're not hitting anybody over the head with death. Like, let's take it easy, let's ease into the warm bath and see what that feels like. And learn a lot about themselves in the process.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

So if we had to sum up one idea for folks listening about how to change their relationship to death, it sounds like you would say think about it. Allow yourself to think about it and.

[Alua Arthur]

You'Re safe to think about it. And if you need some additional support, holler at a death doula.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

That's Alua Arthur. She's a death doula and founder of Going With Grace, a company that provides end of life planning, training and support. You can see her full talk on the show today. Relationship Repair and we wanted to make sure we included a look at a relationship that's been in trouble for a while now and that needs urgent fixing. It's our relationship with our planet. Now before you think oh, another climate doom story, this next speaker believes that pairing indigenous people with lands that need protecting is one easy and proven way to start. Valerie Courtois is director of the Indigenous Leadership Initiative. Here she is on the TED stage in 2022.

[Valerie Courtois]

Que I'm from the Innu community of Mistuyats, located in Picuagami in the heart of what is now known as Quebec. I'm here with you tonight to leave you. We need it now more than ever. Our home, our shared beautiful mother. Our planet is experiencing ecological turmoil. We humans are transforming it to a point where we are risking the survival of millions of species. I have seen firsthand the devastating impact of climate change and the loss of biodiversity in my homeland of Nitsinan and all across what is now known as as Canada. But I've also Seen something else, something that gives me hope. It's not a technology from a lab. It's not a policy made in Ottawa or dc. It is the fundamental understanding that is expressed by our elders and knowledge keepers. This if we take care of the land, the land takes care of us. This is about a relationship, a mutual love story. It's not an accident that 80% of the world's remaining biodiversity are located on lands managed and loved by Indigenous peoples. We have been in relationships with the plants and animals of our territories and waters for millennia. Surely we have values, insights, strategies and knowledge to offer to the rest of the global community with respect to how to be a part of and care for our environment. This knowledge is essential right now. It can help people and the land heal from ecological crises and colonization. It can help restore the planet, and it can help save us all. What does it look like? It looks like Indigenous Guardians. So you've heard of the Guardians of the Galaxy? Well, these Guardians are doing a much more important job right here on Earth, just without the soundtrack. Guardians are trained experts who work on behalf of their indigenous nations. They monitor water quality, care for indigenous, protected and conserved areas, conduct research on climate impacts, and help restore species like caribou, salmon and moose. Their work is rooted in Indigenous and Western sciences, and their training includes everything from GIS mapping to spending time with elders and knowledge keepers. We need this now more than ever. Time and again, I've heard people say that being a Guardian has changed their lives. I think of the young Jericho, a young man from the Tall Tan First Nation in what is now known as British Columbia. Jarrett used to be a heavy equipment operator, working on job sites far from his community. He faced racism from non indigenous peoples, and unfortunately, he struggled with addictions. So when a job opened up with the Taltan Wildlife Guardians, he decided to take it. He said being a Guardian helped get me through the tough times in my life. Being connected to the land and talking with elders helped me overcome my addictions. And at the end of the day, I could walk away with the pride of being First Nations. As a person who's been a witness to and felt the intergenerational trauma from the colonial experience, I found no better strategy to healing than nurturing our relationship with our place. The land heals, and I wish that experience for anyone who has experienced and lives with trauma. Researchers have documented the impacts of Guardian programs. People's health improves on the land because they're on the land, because they're physically active and because they're happy. And guardianship isn't just good for guardians, it's good for everyone because the land is taking care of guardians and guardians are taking care of the land. Many work in the Boreal Forest, which stretches from Alaska to Newfoundland. It is one of the largest intact forests left on the planet. Having guardians on the ground will help us sustain so many species like caribou, salmon, moose, wolverine, lynx, songbirds, medicinal plants and countless other species species that are unfortunately threatened in much of the rest of the world. The Cascadenae in northern British Columbia are planning to create a protected area the size of Switzerland. And in northern Manitoba, four Dene and Cree nations are coming together to protect the Seal river watershed. It will be nearly five times the size of Yellowstone National Park. That protected area in the Seal river watershed I mentioned, it holds 1.7 billion tons of carbon, equivalent to 8 years worth of greenhouse gas emissions in Canada alone. Protecting the watershed will help keep that carbon in place. These are the kind of lands that guardians are caring for. As Gloria Enzo, a Nihotni Dene guardian from the Northwest Territories says, we are sustaining our traditional territories not only for us but for the whole world. By honoring and respecting Indigenous led approaches to the land, we can create a better future for all. In fact, I'd like to ask you to join Indigenous peoples. There is so much that we can do together. Specifically study the history of Indigenous nations with traditional territories. In the places where you live and work, create space for Indigenous voices and uplift them. Hold up our communities and respect our knowledge systems. Make sure that you are using your political voices and voting for leaders who support this vision. Because Indigenous guardians can ensure that we all have the future on this planet that we deserve and want so that we can all continue to have an evolving love story with our lands, with our waters that we call home. If we take care of the land, the land will take care of us.

[Anoush Zamarodi]

Valerie Courtois is director of the Indigenous Leadership Initiative. You can see her full [e-mail] thank you so much for listening to our episode Relationship Repair. It was produced by Matthew Cloutier, James Delahousy and Harsha Nahada. It was edited by Sanaz Meshkinpour and me. Our production staff at NPR also includes Rachel Faulkner White, Katie Monteleone, Fiona Guerin and Chloe Weiner. Our audio engineers were Gilly Moon, Ted Mebane and Robert Rodriguez. Our theme music was written by Ramtin Arablouei. Our partners at TED are Chris Anderson, Michelle Quint, Alejandra Salazar and Daniela Balarezzo Anhouse. I'm Anoush Zumarodi and you've been listening to the TED Radio Hour from npr.

[Podcast Sponsor/Announcer]

This message comes from NPR sponsor TED Tech, a podcast from TED Every Friday hear conversations, talks and insights on the way technology shapes how people think about society, science, design, business and more. Listen to TED Tech wherever you get your podcasts. This message comes From NPR Sponsor 1Password Forgot your password again? Skip the resets and sign in securely with strong unique passwords that autofill across all your devices. Try it free for two weeks at 1Password.com NPR this message comes from LPL Financial. What if you could have more control over your future? LPL Financial removes the things holding you back and provides the services to push you forward. Because when it comes to your finances, your business, your future, LPL Financial believes the only question should be what if you could? LPL Financial Member FINRA SIPC no strategy assures success or protects against loss. Investing involves risk, including possible loss of principal.