Podcast Summary:

TED Talks Daily (#3)

Episode Title: Elise’s Top Ten: If I should have a daughter ...
Speaker: Sarah Kay
Date: September 20, 2025
Host Introduction: Elise Hu ([01:28])

Overview

This episode features poet Sarah Kay’s celebrated 2011 TED Talk and spoken word performance, If I Should Have a Daughter…. Part of host Elise Hu’s curated “Top Ten Talks,” it highlights Kay’s reflections on poetry, personal growth, learning through storytelling, and the transformative power of spoken word. The episode oscillates between performance poetry and Kay’s candid stories about her journey, teaching spoken word, and connecting with her audience.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Poetry as Connection and Heirloom ([02:44])

• Sarah Kay opens with an intimate poem addressed to her hypothetical daughter, imbued with advice, comfort, and wonder.
• She uses vivid metaphors ("I'm going to paint the solar systems on the backs of her hands..."), advocating for curiosity and resilience.
• Kay emphasizes embracing vulnerability and acknowledges the inevitability of disappointment and hurt:
  • Notable Quote:
    • "There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by band aids or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself." ([03:27])
• She gently mocks herself, noting the limits of parental protection and the inevitability of heartbreak and failure—and the beauty that springs from resilience:
  • Notable Quote:
    • "There's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away." ([04:25])
• The poem weaves themes of gratitude, hope, perseverance, and the sweetness and fragility of life.
  • Notable Quote:
    • "I want her to know this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily. But don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.” ([05:13])
  • Advice for her daughter:
    • “Your voice is small, but don’t ever stop singing.” ([06:07])

2. Poetry as a Way to “Figure Things Out” ([07:05])

• After her poem, Kay invites the audience to write "three things you know to be true,” emphasizing the combination of vulnerability and vision that poetry enables.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “Sometimes the only way I know how to work through something is by writing a poem.” ([08:30])
• She discusses her early attraction to spoken word, where her love of poetry and theater converged.

3. The Genesis & Growth of a Poet ([08:59])

• Sarah recounts her first open mic (“packed with all the wisdom of a 14-year-old”), and how the audience and a “giant girl in a hoodie” showed her the impact of being seen and heard:
  • Notable Moment:
    • The girl says, “Hey. I really felt that. Thanks.” ([10:12])
• Finding a home at the Bowery Poetry Club, she learns the diversity of spoken word—beyond just indignation—and receives encouragement to “write about being 14.”
  • Notable Quote:
    • "The more I focused on those things [unique to me] the weirder my poetry got, but the more it felt like mine." ([11:35])
• Outlines her journey in three steps:
  1. “I can”—realizing she’s capable.
  2. “I will”—committing to continue.
  3. “I am”—finding her own voice, allowing her poetry to evolve.

4. Teaching, Project VOICE, and Lists as Poetry Catalysts ([13:00])

• Kay describes co-founding Project VOICE with Phil Kay, bringing spoken word to students across ages and continents.
• She shares her technique for helping reluctant poets: writing lists, starting with “10 Things I Know to Be True.”
• She lists the four revelations that come from sharing these lists:
  1. Someone has the same or similar item.
  2. Someone has the complete opposite.
  3. Someone surprises you with something new.
  4. Someone offers a new angle on something familiar.
  • Notable Insight:
    • “That is where great stories start: from these four intersections.” ([15:03])
• Anecdote: Charlotte, a hesitant student, finally opens up with a poem inspired by her own lists—showcasing how everyone has a singular voice and story.
  • Memorable Moment:
    • Charlotte’s poem starts: “Anderson Cooper is a gorgeous man…” ([16:03])

5. Why Spoken Word? ([16:55])

• Kay articulates spoken word’s accessibility and immediacy over other art forms.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “Not everyone can read music or owns a camera, but everyone can communicate in some way, and everyone has stories the rest of us can learn from.” ([18:00])
• She stresses the value of striving for honesty, novelty, and self-expression in both poetry and life—“infusing the work you’re doing with the specific things that make you you, even while those things are always changing.” ([18:49])

6. Rediscovering Wonder and Learning from the Past ([19:02])

• Kay circles back to childhood, referencing an old diary and the universal tendency in children to embrace wonder.
• She shares her awe at history—referencing Hiroshima and resilience through destruction:
  • Notable Quote:
    • “When they bombed Hiroshima... the only thing left now is a permanent shadow of positive light.” ([19:42])
  • On hope after tragedy:
    • “Specialists said it would take 75 years for the radiation-damaged soil of Hiroshima City to ever grow anything again. But that spring, there were new buds popping up from the earth.” ([20:25])
• On legacy and the wish for her work:
  • Notable Quote:
    • “...hoping that one day I’ll write a poem I can be proud to let sit in a museum exhibit as the only proof I existed.” ([20:05])
• Kay ends with a meditation on connection and the preciousness of the shared present:
  • Closing Quote:
    • “When I meet you in that moment, I’m no longer a part of your future... but in that instant, I get to share your present and you, you get to share mine. And that is the greatest present of all.” ([20:38])

Memorable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• "There is hurt here that cannot be fixed by band aids or poetry. So the first time she realizes that Wonder Woman isn't coming, I'll make sure she knows she doesn't have to wear the cape all by herself."
  — Sarah Kay ([03:27])

• "There's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away."
  — Sarah Kay ([04:25])

• "I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily. But don't be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it."
  — Sarah Kay ([05:13])

• “Sometimes the only way I know how to work through something is by writing a poem.”
  — Sarah Kay ([08:30])

• "The more that I focused on those things... the weirder my poetry got, but the more it felt like mine."
  — Sarah Kay ([11:35])

• “That is where great stories start: from these four intersections [of what you and others know, oppose, or see differently].”
  — Sarah Kay ([15:03])

• “Not everyone can read music or owns a camera, but everyone can communicate in some way, and everyone has stories the rest of us can learn from.”
  — Sarah Kay ([18:00])

• “Specialists said it would take 75 years for the radiation-damaged soil of Hiroshima City to ever grow anything again. But that spring, there were new buds popping up from the earth.”
  — Sarah Kay ([20:25])

• "When I meet you in that moment, I'm no longer a part of your future... but in that instant, I get to share your present and you, you get to share mine. And that is the greatest present of all."
  — Sarah Kay ([20:38])

Important Timestamps

• [01:28] — Host Elise Hu sets up the talk and its personal significance.
• [02:44] — Sarah Kay begins If I Should Have a Daughter… performance.
• [07:05] — Kay transitions to her “three things I know to be true” exercise.
• [08:59] — Discusses her spoken word beginnings and pivotal first performance.
• [11:35] — Realizing the importance of personal, specific storytelling.
• [13:00] — Founding Project VOICE; discussing poetry teaching methods.
• [15:03] — Exploration of list-making as creative catalyst.
• [16:03] — Charlotte’s breakthrough poem and lessons on uniqueness.
• [18:00] — On the inclusivity of spoken word poetry.
• [19:02] — Rediscovering wonder; Hiroshima anecdote.
• [20:38] — Concludes with thoughts on presence, connection, and legacy.

Final Thoughts

Sarah Kay’s talk is a compelling combination of lyrical performance, autobiographical honesty, teaching philosophy, and call-to-action. She champions vulnerability, the universality of storytelling, and the beauty of striving for connection—even, and especially, in the face of impossibility. Elise Hu’s curation brings renewed relevance to Kay’s distinctive voice, reminding listeners of the enduring power of poetry to heal, instruct, and unite.