A 3-step guide to believing in yourself | Sheryl Lee Ralph (re-release)

Summary

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Podcast Summary:

Podcast: TED Talks Daily
Episode: A 3-step guide to believing in yourself | Sheryl Lee Ralph (re-release)
Date: January 1, 2026
Host: Elise Hu
Speaker: Sheryl Lee Ralph

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Episode Overview

In this empowering TED Talk, Emmy Award-winning actress Sheryl Lee Ralph shares her personal journey of overcoming self-doubt and rejection, culminating in her triumphant Emmy win for "Abbott Elementary." With her trademark warmth and candor, Sheryl outlines a simple but profound three-step guide to cultivating genuine self-belief. The talk is a blend of personal anecdotes, actionable advice, and calls to self-love, aiming to inspire listeners to find inner confidence no matter the external circumstances.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Self-Belief in Challenging Times

• Sheryl opens by referencing her moving Emmy acceptance speech and notes the disbelief she felt amid the applause ([03:10]–[04:24]).
• She reflects on the personal obstacles she has faced, from early rejection in acting to feelings of isolation growing up in a predominantly white school.
• Sheryl relates her struggles to the difficulties many face today—pandemic stress, divisive politics, mental health crises—and contends that believing in oneself is a crucial skill, not a toxic positivity but a practical act of resilience.
  • “It’s a lot, making it hard to believe in the goodness in the world and harder still to believe in the goodness of ourselves. This is a rough time, people. And our mental health is suffering.” ([07:32])

2. Sheryl Lee Ralph’s 3-Step Guide to Believing in Yourself

• Step 1: See Yourself

  • Sheryl describes her childhood in the 1960s as the only Black student at a private school, where she endured exclusion and offensive comments from peers and adults.
  • Her mother taught her to confront these insults head on, asking, “Do you see an N word? Do you see a liar? …No. So dry your eyes…Remember, you are rubber, they are glue. And every ignorant thing they say about you bounces off you and sticks to them.” ([10:34])
  • The message: Truly and deeply perceive your own worth, not through the lens of others’ judgment.

• Step 2: Think About Yourself

  • Inspired by a sign on her father’s desk—“THINK”—Sheryl learns the importance of thinking critically about oneself rather than just accepting others’ limiting narratives.
  • After a casting director questioned whether a “beautiful, talented black girl” could belong in the same movie as Tom Cruise, she flipped the narrative:
    • “What was meant to break me did not break me. It built me up… and I walked out of there giving myself permission to take up space in Hollywood, knowing that I belonged there no matter what anybody thought about me.” ([13:12])

• Step 3: Act Like You Believe in Yourself

  • Taking action reinforces self-belief. Sheryl recounts boldly introducing herself to a Hollywood producer, which resulted in landing a role on “Designing Women” despite the odds.
    • “Once again, I gave myself permission to take up space, believing that I belonged. I believed that if Cheryl Lee did the work of honing her craft…anything was possible. Heck, winning an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, a Tony. He got it, baby.” ([15:31])

3. The Greatest Relationship Is With Yourself

• Sheryl delivers a heartfelt appeal to listeners:
  • Start a daily practice of looking in the mirror and loving (or at least respecting/encouraging/empowering/being kind to) what you see ([15:31]–[16:16]).
  • “The greatest relationship, the greatest one you will ever have is with yourself. Believe me. Have faith in yourself. Believing that faith can make broken wings fly and we deserve to soar.” ([16:16])
  • Ends with an affirmation of self-love and non-negotiable self-belief for every listener.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On her Emmy win:

  • “I was shocked, as the children would say, shooketh into disbelief.” ([04:44])

• On resilience:

  • “What if I had stopped after all of those nos? What if I had stopped after all of those moments of feeling defeated? What if I had stopped? I wouldn’t be standing there for that golden moment.” ([06:32]–[06:45])

• On reframing hurtful comments:

  • “What was meant to break me did not break me. It built me up.” ([13:12])

• On acting with confidence:

  • “I believed that if Cheryl Lee did the work…anything was possible. Heck, winning an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, a Tony.” ([15:31])

• Self-love advice:

  • “If you can't love it, then respect it. If you can't respect it, then encourage it. If you can't encourage it, empower it. And if you can't empower it, please be kind to it.” ([16:02])

• Parting message:

  • “Believe in yourself as I believe in you. Thank you.” ([17:22])

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [03:10] Iconic opening: Sheryl Lee Ralph sings "I am an endangered species..." (Emmy moment)
• [04:18] Describing the Emmy win and disbelief
• [05:38] Accounts years of rejection and resilience
• [07:32] Acknowledges the weight of societal and personal challenges
• [08:07]–[11:11] Step 1: The importance of truly seeing yourself
• [11:41]–[13:52] Step 2: Thinking about yourself—critical self-reflection and reframing negativity
• [14:11]–[15:31] Step 3: Acting like you believe in yourself—stories of proactive courage
• [15:31]–[16:16] Practical advice for self-love and self-respect
• [17:22] Closing affirmation and encouragement

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Tone and Delivery

Sheryl Lee Ralph infuses the talk with vibrancy, humor, and honesty. Her stories are candid and relatable, her advice practical yet profound, and her language consistently encouraging and compassionate. The tone is both uplifting and grounded—reassuring listeners of their worth, while inviting them to actionable self-reflection and growth.

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This summary captures the heart of Sheryl Lee Ralph’s TED Talk, distilling her journey and three powerful steps for believing in yourself. Recommended for anyone seeking encouragement and tools for finding confidence in tough times.

Transcript

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[Elise Hu]

You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. Happy New Year. We are continuing to share a handful of talks, conversations and podcast episodes from the TED Archive to inspire you for 2026. Over the past week, we have explored themes of introspection, curiosity, regret, and more. Today, it's fitting to explore how to love and believe in ourselves. We couldn't think of a better Talk to share than this one from Emmy award winning actor Sheryl Lee Ralph. Sheryl is a force delivering iconic performances on stage and screen. But she didn't always know if she'd make it big. In a lively talk sparkling with actionable advice and Cheryl's unmatched charisma triple, she shares how her struggles taught her what it takes to believe in herself and how we can all find the self confidence to keep moving forward.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

I am an endangered species.

But I.

See sing no victim song. I am a woman, I am an artist and I know. Where my voice. Belongs. Now you might have heard me sing that song.

It was September 12, 2022, right after Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers said.

And the winner is. Cheryl Lee Ralph.

What? I had just won the Emmy award.

For best supporting actress in a comedy for my role as Mrs. Barbara Howard on your favorite TV show, Abbott Elementary. Oh yes. And I was shocked, as the children.

Would say, shooketh into disbelief. Oh my goodness. It was my first time at the Emmys and I won.

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[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

And I've got to tell you, in that moment, I was so stunned into disbelief that I don't know how I got up on the stage. There I was just listening to that roar of applause, Mm, mm, mm. And my whole career flashed right there in front of me, starting with 19 year old Cheryl Lee in her first movie being directed by the great Sidney Poitier.

Oh yeah, you can clap that.

Followed by 10 years of no after, no after, no before the next film role came about. But I filled in that time with TV and more nos and more rejection until I made it big on Broadway in what has become the iconic musical of the 80s because I say so. Dream girls. And boy, did I learn a lot of life lessons there. And I mean after so many moments of doubt, disbelief, there I was on that Emmy stage with this huge sign.

In front of me flashing stop now, Stop now, Stop now.

And I started to think, my God, what if I had stopped after all of those nos?

What if I had stopped after all.

Of those moments of feeling defeated, what.

If I had stopped?

I wouldn't be standing there for that golden moment. But right now, many of us, we are feeling deeply challenged, trying to hold on and believe in ourselves. And I do not mean in a toxic way. I am talking about a way that comes from confidence. The kind of confidence that can keep us moving forward when we are feeling like we are carrying the weight of the pandemic, trying to figure out all of this political division, fighting all of.

The mental, physical, social Violence in our.

Homes, in our communities, to climate change, social media. It's a lot making it hard to believe in the goodness in the world and harder still to believe in the goodness of ourselves. This is a rough time, people. And our mental health is suffering.

We all need a checkup from the neck up.

And I don't mean just medicine. I actually mean reframing our thinking of our ability to believe in ourselves. Now, I know you see me on tv, in magazines, on movie screens, and you might be thinking to yourself, what does she know about struggling to believe in herself? Well, let me tell you something. I do not look like my journey. Oh, I've been through a few things, and the struggle is real. Real. But I have learned something in my life, that there are three things that we all must do in order to believe in ourselves. Number one. First, we need to see ourselves. I mean, really, truly, deeply see ourselves for who and what we are in order to believe in ourselves. I'm a child of the 60s, and that was hard. Ooh. In the third grade, I tested out of public school into a fancy private school where the only black person I saw every day was the one who looked back at me in the mirror. I was by myself and I was all alone. And the things that were said to me. And I'm not talking about just the kids, but the adults, too. And when I would come home from school crying the ugly cry, my immigrant Jamaican mother would sit me down in front of the mirror and ask me.

Do you see an N word? Do you see a liar?

Do you see a big lipped monkey?

No. So dry your eyes. And when you go back to school, remember, you are rubber, they are glue. And every ignorant thing they say about you bounces off of you and sticks to them.

And I believed her. And it didn't hurt so much because I believed. Number two, we've got to think. Think about ourselves in order to believe in ourselves. Growing up, my dad had a sign on his desk and it said, think, think.

[Elise Hu]

Whoo.

[Cheryl Lee Ralph]

I did not know how valuable and powerful the simple act of thinking was.

Until I came back to Hollywood from.

My triumphant run on Broadway. And I had this meeting with a big studio Hollywood casting director. Oh, I was so excited. I walked in and he looked at me and he saw, said, everybody knows you're a beautiful, talented black girl. But what do I do with a beautiful, talented black girl? Do I put you in a movie with Tom Cruise? Does he kiss you? Who goes to see that movie? I could not believe that that man had just said that to me, to my face. And he hurt me. He hurt me so deeply, I was actually thinking about quitting until I started to think. And I thought about what he said.

He said that everybody knew that I.

Was a beautiful, talented black girl.

And that I deserve to be cast in movies with the likes of Tom Cruise and he should kiss me. So what was meant to break me did not break me. It built me up. I believed that man. I believed what he said. And I walked out of there giving myself permission to take up space in Hollywood, knowing that I belonged there no matter what anybody thought about me.

Thirdly, we got to act like we believe in ourselves. Oh, yeah. Because when we believe in ourselves and.

Act on it, we create possibilities that never would have been possible had we not just believed.

Okay, so I will tell you another story I will never forget. Walking to one of those crowded Hollywood rooms and I see Harry Thomason, producer Harry Thomason, who is married to Linda Bloodworth Thomason, writer, creator of the series Designing Women.

I walk right up to Harry, and guess what happened. I got cast as Etienne Toussaint Bouvier, Las Vegas showgirl turned Anthony's wife for the final season of Designing one Women. Oh, yeah. Against all odds, once again, I gave myself permission to take up space, believing that I belonged. I believed that if Cheryl Lee did the work of honing her craft, building solid relationships and stuff, stayed ready so she didn't have to get ready, anything was possible. Heck, winning an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, a Tony.

He got it, baby. So I challenge all of you to start a meaningful practice of looking in the mirror and loving what you see. Believe in what you see. If you can't love it, then respect it. And if you can't respect it, then encourage it. If you can't encourage it, empower it.

And if you can't empower it, please be kind to to it.

The greatest relationship, the greatest one you will ever have is with yourself. Believe me. Have faith in yourself. Believing that faith can make broken wings fly and we deserve to soar. Remember, maybe one of these days when you pass the mirror and you catch a glimpse of yourself, Remember I told you this. That is what believing looks like. And don't you ever, ever, ever give up on you. I am Cheryl Lee Ralph, and I love you just the way you are.

Believe in yourself self as I believe in you. Thank you.

[Elise Hu]

That was Sheryl Lee Ralph speaking at TED 2023. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out [e-mail] curationguidelines and that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This talk was fact checked by the TED Research team and produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little and Tansika Sangmarni Vong. This episode was mixed by Lucy Little. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Ballaraizo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.

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