A new vision of healthy masculinity | Davonte Green - TED Talks Daily

Summary

Summary of "A New Vision of Healthy Masculinity | Devonte Green"

TED Talks Daily | Released April 29, 2025

In the episode titled "A New Vision of Healthy Masculinity," Devonte Green explores the deep-rooted misconceptions surrounding masculinity and offers transformative tools to cultivate emotional intelligence and redefine what it means to be a man in today's society.

Introduction

Devonte Green begins his talk by highlighting the pervasive issue of toxic masculinity, which he describes as an "invisible yet potent misconception of masculinity" that adversely affects individuals and communities alike. He emphasizes that this misconception is not limited to men but harms everyone, regardless of gender identity [01:55].

Personal Journey and Realizations

Green shares a personal narrative that underscores the impact of toxic masculinity. He recounts his experience facilitating a workshop in a level three men's prison in California, where he observed that many inmates had committed crimes impulsively, often within moments of anger [02:32]. This observation led him to reflect on his own past, where he was celebrated for his aggression on the football field and his propensity to engage in fights when disrespected.

At the age of 20, Green's inability to manage his emotions culminated in a two-hour drive to initiate a fight, resulting in a felony assault charge and the painful consequence of being separated from his daughter for over three years [06:47]. This pivotal moment made him realize that his actions were driven by insecurity, not genuine disrespect, and highlighted the lack of emotional management skills taught within his community.

The Misconception of Masculinity

Green discusses how societal and cultural influences—such as music and entertainment—reinforce harmful stereotypes about masculinity. He points out that these influences promote the idea that real men must respond to disrespect with violence, leading to a cycle of anger, jealousy, and lack of self-accountability [04:00]. These ingrained beliefs contribute to various societal issues, including mass incarceration, substance abuse, domestic violence, and estranged family relationships.

Introducing Emotional Management Skills

Recognizing the need for change, Green introduces a framework designed to help men develop emotional intelligence and break free from destructive stereotypes. He emphasizes that cultivating these skills is essential not only for personal well-being but also for fostering healthier communities.

PAWS Framework

Green presents the PAWS strategy, an acronym that stands for:

P: Pay Attention [07:30]
- Description: Encourage men to recognize and acknowledge their emotions by using tools like the feelings wheel to accurately identify what they are feeling.
- Quote: "Ask guys how they’re doing. They say, I'm cool, I'm straight, you know, another day. Not often having the language to pinpoint an actual emotion."
A: Assess [08:15]
- Description: Determine the triggers that activate intense emotions. Understanding specific stimuli—such as tone of voice or environmental factors—can help in managing reactions.
- Quote: "Do you know what your triggers are? Do you know the environments, the people, the things that activate you?"
W: Understand [09:00]
- Description: Delve into the root causes of emotions by questioning internal and external influences. Identifying the origin of feelings can prevent them from dictating behavior.
- Quote: "Whose voice is it that's guiding you and your decisions? Is that a parent? Is it a teacher?"
S: Set Boundaries & Ensure Safety [10:30]
- Description: Implement strategies to remove oneself from escalating situations to maintain safety for all parties involved.
- Quote: "I’ve never known that to be the best idea, to be calm, to be cool, to walk away into a safe environment."
E: Empathize [11:30]
- Description: Consider others' perspectives to de-escalate conflicts and foster mutual understanding.
- Quote: "How are other people experiencing me? What point were they trying to get across?"

Impact of Healthy Masculinity

Green argues that redefining masculinity through emotional intelligence can prevent life-altering situations such as incarceration, substance abuse, and fractured relationships. He emphasizes that "a real man takes a pause" to think about the impacts of his decisions on himself and others [13:50]. By adopting the PAWS framework, men can navigate emotions constructively, leading to more fulfilling and responsible lives.

Conclusion

Devonte Green concludes by advocating for a cultural shift towards healthy masculinity. He believes that by fostering emotional management skills and challenging harmful stereotypes, society can cultivate emotionally intelligent leaders who are actively engaged in their communities. This transformation is crucial for building safer, more empathetic, and resilient communities.

Notable Quotes

"All because they couldn't pause and were most likely acting in alignment with what they think it is to be a real man." [03:15]
"I recognized that it wasn't disrespect that I was feeling, it was insecurity." [05:30]
"A real man takes a pause." [13:50]

Devonte Green's insightful talk serves as a call to action for redefining masculinity through emotional awareness and intelligence, offering practical tools to break the cycle of toxic behavior and promote healthier, more engaged communities.

Transcript

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Elise Hu (1:55)

You'Re listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. Today, a history of toxic Masculinity Regardless of our gender identity, community engagement manager Devonte Greene says we are all harmed by what he calls the invisible yet potent misconception of masculinity. Davante shares a powerful tool that can be used to help men and anyone really develop emotional management skills and break down dangerous stereotypes around what it means to be a man. That's coming up.

Devonte Greene (2:32)

So a few years ago I was facilitating a workshop inside of a level three men's prison right here in California. Oftentimes we had about 70 participants, men serving sentences anywhere between three to 38 years. As we begin our workshop, like any good workshop, start with an activity. The activity that we started with is known as cross the Line. Might be familiar with it, but the way it works is I ask a question and if it resonates, then a participant steps forward and cross the line. The Question that I asked was to step forward and cross the line. If you were currently serving a sentence from a crime that you committed that took you 60 seconds or less. An overwhelming amount of participants took a step forward, and not just one of the trainings, but in every one of them. Wow. I was astonished. In less than 60 seconds, these men had lost so many years of their lives. And they've also created victims and they've impacted their own families and communities. All because they couldn't pause and were most likely acting in alignment with what they think it is to be a real man. See, I grew up right here in Inglewood. And Inglewood, like many cities across the country, has been impacted by that invisible yet potent misconception of masculinity and what it means to be a real man. Culturally, we perpetuate this through music, entertainment, all influencing how men and boys view masculinity and what it means to be a real man. Now, sadly, I've lost too many of my own loved ones due to this misconception, folks. Fueled by anger, jealousy and a lack of self accountability. It was the murder of my two best friends and my cousin, Robert Gary Jackson Jr. Trayvon Williams, Tyrone Tucker Jr. That really propelled me to become a healthy manhood and masculinity advocate and to go on to found the Giants Den Leadership Network for Inspired black Men and Boys, where we foster emotionally intelligent leaders who are also actively engaged in their communities. But this ain't how it started. Before I was known for this work, before I found my passion for supporting black men and boys, I was known and celebrated for my aggression on the football field and also known for these hands. I was the guy who wanted to fight once folks started making one too many jokes. In fact, I often wanted to fight whenever I felt disrespected. Which is okay in my community because in my community it was okay. And it was celebrated for young men to have short fuses and to be emotionally immature. I was taught that disrespect needed to be responded to with violence. That's how real men dealt with it. And to walk away or try to talk through a situation made you scared or weak and can lead to a shameful reputation. So I followed suit when I was 20 years old, took a two hour drive in the middle of the night to get into a fight because I had felt disrespected. But in my reflection, I recognized that it wasn't disrespect that I was feeling, it was insecurity. Cause two hours is a long time to stay Mad, you know what I mean? Like you have to really be working at this mad stuff. So how does one sustain anger for a two hour ride? I'm telling myself one sided stories that justify what I'm about to do. Adding fuel to my fire, letting my anger boil. Because the narrative that I'm sharing is allowing me to feel like I'm justified. So I take this two hour drive in the middle of the night.