How music helped me live through long COVID | Joshua Roman

Summary

TED Talks Daily: How Music Helped Me Live Through Long COVID | Joshua Roman

Episode Release Date: April 19, 2025
Host/Author: TED
Host Host: Elise Hu

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of TED Talks Daily, host Elise Hu introduces a profoundly personal and inspiring story from cellist, composer, and TED fellow, Joshua Roman. Joshua delves into his harrowing battle with long COVID—a chronic condition affecting millions worldwide—and illustrates how music became his lifeline through this challenging period. This summary captures the key points, discussions, insights, and heartfelt conclusions presented by Joshua Roman.

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Joshua Roman's Battle with Long COVID

Joshua Roman begins by sharing his personal encounter with long COVID, highlighting the severe and multifaceted symptoms he endured.

• Initial Onset and Symptoms:

  • [06:21] "Three years ago, I was facing the possibility of never playing this beautiful music again."
  • [06:23] "In January of '21, I caught COVID, and unfortunately, I never fully recovered."
  • Joshua describes experiencing dysautonomia, a condition affecting the nervous system's regulation of bodily functions, leading to extreme fatigue and physical weakness. He mentions the constant struggle with brain fog, which impaired his cognitive abilities to the extent that he had to cease activities like reading and driving.

• Impact on Daily Life:

  • [07:00] "The simple act of walking up the stairs to my bedroom completely laid me out. I only made it halfway before falling."
  • Joshua details the debilitating physical fatigue and the frustration of not being able to perform even basic tasks, emphasizing the profound impact on his daily life and career as a cellist.

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The Struggle to Play the Cello Again

As Joshua grapples with his health challenges, his passion for music becomes both a source of turmoil and hope.

• Abandoning the Practice Routine:

  • [08:32] "Adjusting to this new reality hasn't been particularly graceful."
  • After pushing himself through significant performances despite his declining health, Joshua eventually had to abandon his rigorous daily practice routine of over 30 years, symbolizing a critical low point in his journey.

• Emotional and Mental Toll:

  • [09:04] "I had been stuck in a gig mentality for much of my career, waiting for the phone to ring..."
  • He reflects on how his relentless pursuit of perfection and external validation led to spiritual exhaustion and a loss of hope in the meaningfulness of his work, culminating in nearly abandoning his cello altogether.

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Rediscovering the Power of Music

Joshua's path to recovery is intricately tied to his relationship with music, serving as both a therapeutic and transformative force.

• Reconnecting with the Cello:

  • [09:56] "I finally, literally dusted off the case and pulled out my cello again."
  • Invited by a friend to perform at a summer solstice party, Joshua hesitantly returns to his instrument, experiencing a profound emotional and physical reconnection as he plays.

• Creation of "Immunity":

  • [11:23] "When I decided to write a piece for this project, I was nervous. I wanted to capture all of the meaning, all of the pain..."
  • Through improvisation and allowing himself to follow the music naturally, Joshua composes a piece titled "Immunity", embodying his journey of pain, resilience, and joy. This creative process underscores the therapeutic power of embracing vulnerability and letting go of perfectionism.

• Performance Highlights:

  • [12:27] "Here it is. Immunity."
  • Joshua's performance of his original composition, alongside pieces by Johann Sebastian Bach, serves as a testament to his perseverance and the healing influence of music.

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Embracing Vulnerability and Connection

Beyond the technical aspects of music, Joshua emphasizes the importance of emotional honesty and connection in his recovery.

• Vulnerability on Stage:

  • [17:44] "It's still scary for me to be up here talking about my vulnerabilities."
  • As a perfectionist, Joshua grapples with the fear of making mistakes. However, he realizes that allowing himself to be vulnerable creates deeper connections with his audience and enriches his musical expression.

• Shift in Perspective:

  • [19:15] "It took this debilitating condition for me to confront myself and embrace a perspective that allows me not only to give, but to receive the gift of music."
  • Joshua discusses his conscious decision to prioritize connection over perfection, transforming his approach to music and life. This shift enables him to find joy and meaning beyond the accolades and external validation he once sought.

• Ongoing Journey:

  • [18:28] "Long COVID is now considered a chronic condition, and I count myself lucky that with help from Mount Sinai's Long COVID recovery program, I'm learning how to better manage symptoms."
  • While acknowledging that he will never be the same, Joshua remains committed to adapting to his new reality and continuing his musical journey with renewed purpose and resilience.

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Conclusion

Joshua Roman's story is a powerful narrative of overcoming adversity through the unifying and healing power of music. His journey from the depths of long COVID to rediscovering his passion and embracing vulnerability serves as an inspiration to many facing similar struggles. Joshua's message underscores the importance of resilience, the significance of human connection, and the transformative impact of allowing oneself to be imperfectly human.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Three years ago, I was facing the possibility of never playing this beautiful music again." [06:21]
• "I almost lost my ability to play the cello." [Implicit in the narrative]
• "I was having trouble seeing that possibility." [09:36]
• "It took this debilitating condition for me to confront myself and embrace a perspective that allows me not only to give, but to receive the gift of music." [19:15]

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Production Credits:

This episode was produced and edited by Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar, and Tonsika Sarmarniva, mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan, with additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Ballarezzo.

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Further Information:

For more curated TED content, visit ted.com. Stay tuned to TED Talks Daily for more thought-provoking ideas and inspiring stories.

Transcript

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[Elise Hu]

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[Elise Hu]

You're listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host Elise Hume. We have a really special episode to share with you today. It's a performance and talk from cellist, composer and TED fellow Joshua Roman. Research shows that more than 400 million people worldwide have suffered from long Covid, a chronic condition with over 200 symptoms that can occur after a COVID infection. Joshua is one of those people while performing pieces by Johann Sebastian Bach along with an original Solo composition, Joshua shares a deeply personal story how due to a severe case of long Covid, he almost lost his ability to play the cello. His performance and story are a testament to perseverance, human resilience, and the genuine power that music has to bring us together. Joshua reminds us how important it is to focus on connection over perfection. Coming up.

[Joshua Roman]

I'm Joshua Roman, and that's how a cellist says hello.

It's the prelude from the first suite for solo cello by Johann Sebastian Bach.

And one of the pieces of music I've performed most in my life. It brings me so much joy every time I play it, and it's important to me tonight to start this very personal set with something I've loved as long as I can remember.

Three years ago, I was facing the.

Possibility of never playing this beautiful music again. In January of 21, I caught Covid, and unfortunately I never fully recovered.

I could tell something was wrong when I continued struggling to read even after my initial infection. Sometimes even basic sentences wouldn't make sense.

A few weeks later, I was returning.

From the trip I'd been on when.

I got sick, and when I arrived home, the simple act of walking up the stairs to my bedroom completely laid me out. I only made it halfway before falling.

To the floor on the landing, unable.

To continue or even to lift myself to a sitting position. I was there for half an hour, frustrated and crying. Turns out I have long Covid, which.

Causes a host of conditions and symptoms.

That can vary from patient to patient. To this day, I experience dysautonomia, a.

Condition that affects the nervous system's ability.

To properly regulate the body's reaction to things like temperature changes, walking, or really any exertion. I also take medication daily to keep my heart rate from randomly skyrocketing to 200 and to steady the trembling that's there sometimes even when I wake up in the morning.

Of course, I have brain fog.

Lovely catch all term. In my case, it specifically refers to the difficulty I have processing information, which has really diminished my capacity for things like reading, any layered thinking and forced me to stop driving completely due to the cognitive shutdown that occurs. This is all on top of the crushing physical fatigue that I carry each day, something that is very hard to get used to, especially for someone who is pretty proud of his under six minute mile before catching COVID Adjusting to.

This new reality hasn't been particularly graceful. After brute forcing my way through two.

Very important performances, I crashed hard.

With nothing ahead on the calendar, I abandoned the daily practice routine that I've been cultivating for over 30 years, which.

Would often last many hours.

I put my cello in its case.

And I left it there.

Doubts that had been lurking for years came to the surface.

I'd been stuck in a gig mentality for much of my career, waiting for.

The phone to ring, afraid to say.

No to any opportunity, and completely unaware of the exhaustion that ran through my body and spiritual. I've always wanted to feel like what I do matters.

But after decades of ambitious effort to.

Play every note in tune, make every phrase clear and powerful, I was having trouble seeing that possibility.

Through my fatigue, with the difficulty I.

Had even lifting the bow, let alone putting in a decent practice session, I.

Lost hope that it mattered.

It was almost three months of dark.

Soul searching before I finally, literally dusted.

Off the case and pulled out my cello again.

A friend of mine had asked me to play for her summer solstice party.

And I reluctantly agreed. Though I didn't feel emotionally ready, I waited until the last minute, the day before the party, to see if my fingers still knew what to do. When I began to play those first notes, the ones that I've played for.

You just now, I was overcome with.

Emotion, feeling the sheer physicality of making sound.

Even though I was out of shape.

The power of the cello's vibrations moved me to tears.

I've known this sensation as a familiar.

Friend since I was three years old. But I realized that somewhere along the way, I had stopped fully appreciating the connection.

Long before COVID I'd become so focused.

On the idea that my career was about giving to others that I had completely lost sight of my own need for nourishment and connection through music. When I decided to write a piece for this project, I was nervous. I wanted to capture.

All of the.

Meaning, all of the pain, all of the lessons I'd been learning. This piece was going to say everything. We all know that's not how it works. Of course. I gave myself writer's block.

I started improvising to get the creative.

Juices flowing, and though it was fun, I wasn't finding that epic piece I was looking for. Eventually, I relaxed the process completely and.

Gave myself permission to truly follow rather than dictate the sound.

It didn't hurt that I was pretty close to the deadline, and very quickly, those fun improv sessions evolved into one of the most unabashedly joyful compositions I've ever written. I couldn't force myself to write the piece that I wanted, but when I let go and just played I came away with the piece that I needed. I gave it the same name I've given my project.

Here it is.

Immunity.

It.

I love that. So wild and groovy. But as fun as that was, I gotta admit, it's still scary for me.

To be up here talking about my vulnerabilities. I'm a performer, a perfectionist. Vulnerability can mean mistakes, and mistakes don't belong on stage. But I understand that that connection I.

Felt when I held the cello again.

Only had space because I was open.

Because I was vulnerable.

These days, I'm constantly adjusting to new.

Limitations, new challenges, new realities.

Long Covid is now considered a chronic.

Condition, and I count myself lucky that.

With help from Mount Sinai's Long Covid recovery program, I'm learning how to better manage symptoms.

But in a very real and measurable way. I am not who I was before I caught Covid. And it's unlikely that I'll ever be the same again.

So here we are. Rather than hide my struggle, I've decided.

To do the hard work of changing deeply ingrained habits and letting go of my attachment to an identity that prioritized perfection over connection.

It took this debilitating condition for me.

To confront myself and embrace a perspective that allows me not only to give, but to receive the gift of music.

I'm committed to this path. I'm committed to sharing the vulnerability that.

Takes me out of my comfort zone and that makes music an art, not a perfection, but of humanity.

[Elise Hu]

That was Joshua Roman at TED 2024. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out [e-mail] curationguidelines and that's it for today's show. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar and Tonsika Sarmarniva. It was mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Ballarezzo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.

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