Podcast Summary: "How to be a great listener"

Podcast: TED Talks Daily
Speakers: Maegan Stephens, Nicole Lowenbraun
Original Air Date: February 19, 2026

Episode Overview

In this episode, communication experts Maegan Stephens and Nicole Lowenbraun present a transformative approach to workplace communication. They argue that most listening issues aren't about lack of attention, but about failing to adapt to the listener's needs. Introducing the concept of "adaptive listening," they break down the four core goals that drive workplace communication, explain their corresponding listening styles, and share practical advice on how to flex your listening approach for trust, efficiency, and better results.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Story Behind Adaptive Listening

Timestamps: 03:39–05:16

• Maegan and Nicole start with an anecdote about a tense moment while co-writing their first book about listening, highlighting how easily communication breaks down—even between experts.
• Quote:

  "Stop talking. You're not listening to me."
  – Nicole, recalling a heated moment (03:45)

• They realized through research and personal experience that being a "great listener" at work requires more than just paying attention—it's about adapting to what the other person needs in that moment.

2. Active Listening vs. Adaptive Listening

Timestamps: 05:33–06:19

• Active listening, rooted in 1950s therapy, isn't always practical in the fast-paced, interruption-heavy workplace.
• Adaptive listening is about recognizing the specific goal someone is pursuing in a conversation and adjusting your approach accordingly.
• Quote:

  "Every time someone talks to you, they have a goal they're trying to achieve... there is always a goal they are trying to meet."
  – Nicole (05:52)

3. The Four Goals of Adaptive Listening

Timestamps: 06:19–11:12

a. Discern Listening (Critique & Evaluation)

Timestamps: 06:19–07:24

• Used when it's necessary to assess, critique, or spot potential issues.
• Example: Coaching a leader who unknowingly used AI-generated phrasing.
• Quote:

  "Sometimes at work you have to critique and evaluate. If you don't, the product could flop, the campaign could fail..."
  – Nicole (07:24)

b. Immerse Listening (Understanding & Remembering)

Timestamps: 07:40–08:20

• Focused on soaking in details—like during onboarding or training.
• Quote:

  "Immersed listening is the closest to active listening ... sometimes you just need to soak in all the details as long as you actually remember what you were supposed to remember."
  – Maegan (08:05)

c. Advance Listening (Driving Forward)

Timestamps: 08:30–09:43

• Listening to move projects or people forward—helping make decisions and act.
• Quote:

  "That's listening with a goal of moving people, projects, processes forward."
  – Maegan (08:30)

• Notably, sometimes great listeners do interrupt, respectfully, to get things unstuck.

d. Support Listening (Emotional Validation)

Timestamps: 09:43–11:12

• Providing empathy or affirmation; validating emotions.
• Unique point: Support listening is needed every time, no matter the other goals.
• Quote:

  "Support listening is the only type of listening that you need to do every single time you listen at work."
  – Maegan (10:58)

• Example: Offering empathy after a tough client rejection.
• Quote:

  "She validated my emotions... And don't worry, the client liked my revisions."
  – Nicole (10:40)

4. Listening Styles: Matching Goals and Habits

Timestamps: 11:25–13:18

• Each goal corresponds to a listening style: Support, Advance, Immerse, Discern.
• People naturally prefer one style, but adaptive listening means choosing what fits the other person's needs, not yours.
• Quotes:

  "Now, when you know someone's goal, you get to decide, am I going to listen the way that's easier for me, or am I going to adapt to help them meet their needs?"
  – Maegan (11:41)

Identifying Styles:

• Support Listener: Frustrated when others aren’t emotionally validated.

• Advance Listener: Frustrated by indecisive meetings.

• Immerse Listener: Frustrated when people act without full information.

• Discern Listener: Frustrated when people jump to solutions too quickly.

• Quote:

  "Sometimes your said listening style matches up perfectly with the goals. Listening is very easy, but most of the time you have to learn how to adapt to meet someone else's need."
  – Nicole (13:09)

5. Practical Applications and Reflections

Timestamps: 13:18–14:54

• Real-world scenarios: Selling, leading teams, navigating heated meetings.

• Great listeners adapt in real time, asking: “What does this person need from me right now?” (14:34)

• Even the experts recall times they failed to adapt, and stress the humanity and messiness of workplace communication.

• Quotes:

  "Work is messy. People are messy. You are all messy. But at least now you'll know why that meeting got heated or why that project stalled."
  – Maegan (14:20)

  "With just a little bit of practice, you'll get it right the first time. You'll listen the way your leaders, your direct reports, your customers, maybe even your partners and your parents need. You'll give them what they need. And all you gotta do is ask yourself one question first. What does this person need from me right now? That's it."
  – Maegan (14:34)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Stop talking. You're not listening to me."
  – Nicole, on a tense moment with Maegan (03:45)

• "Great listeners flex, they shift, they adapt...."
  – Nicole (05:01)

• "You just have to stop listening the way you want and start listening the way they need. We call it adaptive listening."
  – Maegan (05:16)

• "Support listening is the only type of listening that you need to do every single time you listen at work."
  – Maegan (10:58)

• "The opposite of the way I listened to Nicole on our writing retreat, I was pushing us forward to meet a deadline that didn't really matter. I needed to be less advance and more discern."
  – Maegan (13:51)

• "Your next opportunity to be a great adaptive listener is just one meeting, one presentation, or one writing retreat away."
  – Nicole (14:54)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:00–03:39 – [Ads, skip to main content]
• 03:39 – Personal story: not listening in action
• 05:01 – What makes a great listener at work?
• 05:33 – Active vs. Adaptive listening explained
• 06:19 – Introduction of four listening goals
• 06:35 – Discern Listening
• 07:40 – Immerse Listening
• 08:30 – Advance Listening (plus: it's ok to interrupt)
• 09:43 – Support Listening (empathy always matters)
• 11:25 – Four listening styles
• 12:14–13:00 – Self-identifying as a certain style
• 13:18 – Adapting in practice; examples
• 14:34 – Key question to ask yourself as a listener
• 15:12 – [End of main content; credits and closing]

Closing Takeaway

Adaptive listening is a practical framework for better workplace communication:

• Recognize the other person’s goal (discern, immerse, advance, support)
• Adjust your listening style—even if it’s not your default
• Infuse support into every interaction for trust and connection
• Ask: What does this person need from me right now?

By practicing adaptive listening, you can build trust, accelerate results, and create stronger, more effective relationships at work (and beyond).