Podcast Summary: TED Talks Daily – "How to Get People to Do What You Want" by Barry Sonnenfeld

Episode Details:

• Title: How to Get People to Do What You Want
• Speaker: Barry Sonnenfeld
• Release Date: July 23, 2025
• Podcast: TED Talks Daily

Barry Sonnenfeld, a renowned film director, producer, and author, shares his four decades of experience in the film industry to unveil nine unexpected rules for survival and success. His insights delve into the nuances of leadership, creativity, and interpersonal dynamics, providing valuable lessons not only for aspiring filmmakers but for anyone looking to influence and collaborate effectively.

1. There Is No Upside to Optimism

Timestamp: [04:30]

Sonnenfeld challenges the conventional wisdom that optimism is always beneficial. He humorously recounts his personal strategy when boarding a plane:

"Every time I get off an airplane, I view it as a failed suicide attempt. That is where embracing pessimism comes in. As soon as I buckle in, I turn to Sweetie, my wife, and I say, this plane is going to crash. Now, I can relax because one of two things happens. Either the plane starts nose diving towards Earth, at which point I get to elbow Sweetie and gloat. Was I right? Or the plane lands successfully and we live. Win, win."

Insight: Adopting a pessimistic outlook can lead to better stress management and a cautious approach, ultimately fostering resilience and adaptability.

2. Never Let Anyone Know You're Working on a Comedy

Timestamp: [05:45]

Sonnenfeld emphasizes the importance of maintaining control over the creative process, especially in comedy:

"You never want anyone to be funny. If the wardrobe person thinks it's funny, the costumes are going to be too colorful... You only want the actors to play the reality of the scene and you want the audience to find the comedy."

Insight: By keeping the comedic elements subtle and not overtly communicating the intent for humor, the authenticity of performances is preserved, allowing the audience to discover the humor organically.

3. Be Punctual

Timestamp: [07:15]

Drawing from a personal anecdote about being paged during a high school concert, Sonnenfeld underscores the value of punctuality:

"As far as I'm concerned, being early is being on time. Being on time is actually late. And late gets you paged at Madison Square Garden."

Insight: Punctuality reflects professionalism and respect for others' time, which is crucial in building trust and reliability in any collaborative environment.

4. Don't Work Your Way Up the Ladder

Timestamp: [08:40]

Sonnenfeld shares his unconventional entry into the film industry:

"I was a film school student and I realized I was a pretty good cinematographer. So I decided that's what I would be... and a year later, we find ourselves in Austin, Texas, in production."

Insight: Sometimes, unconventional paths and seizing unexpected opportunities can lead to significant breakthroughs and success, bypassing traditional hierarchical progression.

5. Let It Be Their Decision

Timestamp: [10:05]

In his experience working on When Harry Met Sally, Sonnenfeld illustrates the importance of empowering collaborators:

"Rob says, we don't want not beautiful. We want beautiful. Where do they have to stop? Where it will look beautiful."

Insight: Allowing team members to have ownership over their contributions fosters creativity and commitment, leading to higher quality outcomes.

6. Never Stand on the End of a Group Photo

Timestamp: [12:00]

A seemingly trivial yet impactful tip:

"You always want to stay in the center where the important person is."

Insight: Positioning oneself strategically in group settings can influence perception and ensure visibility, both figuratively and literally.

7. Out Juvenile: A Screaming Bully

Timestamp: [13:25]

Sonnenfeld recounts handling a challenging producer:

"Whenever I was in Scott's office... I would build myself a fort. I would climb into the fort and I would say, I can't hear you. I'm in the fort."

Insight: Employing humor and setting personal boundaries can effectively manage difficult personalities without escalating conflicts.

8. Be Willing to Kill Your Darlings

Timestamp: [15:00]

Addressing the tough decisions in creative projects:

"Whenever you want to lose a scene, it's always some executive's favorite scene in the movie."

Insight: Prioritizing the overall vision and integrity of a project over personal attachments is essential for success, even when it involves making unpopular choices.

9. Always Carry a Photo of How You Like Your Steak Prepared

Timestamp: [16:30]

A metaphor for clear communication:

"You order a steak, the waiter says, how would you like it prepared? And you say, what does your restaurant call this? The waiter looks at it and says, oh, that's our medium rare plus."

Insight: Providing clear, unambiguous instructions facilitates better understanding and execution, minimizing miscommunication and ensuring desired outcomes.

Conclusion:
Barry Sonnenfeld distills his extensive experience into nine pragmatic rules that transcend the film industry. His emphasis on realistic expectations, creative control, punctuality, unconventional career paths, empowerment, strategic positioning, conflict management, decisiveness, and clear communication offers a robust framework for anyone aiming to lead effectively and influence others successfully.

Notable Takeaways:

• Realism Over Blind Optimism: Embracing a balanced perspective can enhance resilience.
• Subtle Leadership: Guiding without overtly directing fosters genuine creativity.
• Professionalism: Punctuality is more than timeliness; it's a statement of respect.
• Flexibility in Career Paths: Success often lies outside traditional routes.
• Empowering Teams: Trusting others' judgment leads to superior results.
• Visibility Matters: Positioning influences perception and influence.
• Humor in Conflict: Light-hearted strategies can defuse tension.
• Objective Decision-Making: Prioritizing the greater good over personal preferences.
• Clear Communication: Precision in directives ensures alignment and success.

Barry Sonnenfeld's insights provide a valuable roadmap for personal and professional growth, emphasizing the importance of strategic thinking, effective communication, and adaptive leadership in achieving success.