How to give feedback that lands | Dr Renee St Jacques

Summary

TED Talks Daily

Episode: How to give feedback that lands | Dr. Renee St Jacques

Date: May 15, 2026
Speaker: Dr. Renee St Jacques
Host: Elise Hu

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Episode Overview

This episode features psychologist, executive coach, and researcher Dr. Renee St Jacques, who delves into the art and science of effective feedback, emotional intelligence (EQ), and the impact of leadership styles on team dynamics and organizational culture. Drawing on research and her own coaching practice, Dr. St Jacques shares her “Leadership Activated” framework—“Connect, Correct, Cultivate”—for building a legacy of trust, performance, and growth in the workplace.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Feedback Disconnect: Real-World Coaching Failure

[03:23]

• Dr. St Jacques opens with a compelling anecdote: simultaneously coaching a manager and her employee. The employee was confident about a promotion; the manager had no intention of granting one.
• Root of disconnect: The “feedback sandwich” (praise-critique-praise) resulted in a lack of clarity, led to burnout for the manager, mistrust for the employee, and missed goals for the organization.

“Despite the manager’s good intentions, the impact was damaging. There was burnout for the manager…a breakdown in trust for the employee, and ultimately unachieved goals for the organization.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [03:53]

Emotional Intelligence as a Business Driver

[04:26]

• Low EQ results in poor performance and negative workplace legacies.
• EQ directly fuels profitability, according to decades of research.
• Dr. St Jacques’s passion: bridging corporate realities with counseling wisdom to make teams higher-functioning through EQ.

“Having coached hundreds of leaders, this is just one of many examples that I’ve encountered where low emotional intelligence—EQ for short—leads to low results.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [04:19]

The Three Cs of Leadership Activated

[05:29] Dr. St Jacques presents her research-backed, practical feedback framework:

1. Connect

• Foundation of high performance: psychological safety and trust.
• Most important factor for job satisfaction isn’t pay—but feeling valued and appreciated.
• Quality connection means going beyond tasks to see employees as people.
• Practical tips: Use curiosity (“Can you help me understand?”), validate (“I see you, I hear you, that’s hard”), and paraphrase to ensure the employee feels heard.

"Connection is what unlocks high performance because it creates psychological safety, a key driver to team success, where individuals feel freedom to communicate without fear.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [06:13]

• Correction without connection “feels like rejection.”
• Take personal responsibility when needed: “It looks like I need to work on that goes a long way.”

“Sometimes we find what is part of it contributing to this resistance, it’s actually us. Lean in to that insight. It’s a gift.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [07:40]

2. Correct

[09:01]

• Avoid “hints” or indirect feedback—clarity and kindness must be balanced.
• Effective feedback: focus on behavior, not person.
• Example verbiage: Instead of “deadlines are important,” say what specifically happened and why the behavior must change.
• Leverage “and” instead of “but”; use “we” over “you” to foster collaboration, not blame.
• Reference to psychology research: Feedback sits at the intersection of wanting to grow, and wanting to be accepted as we are.

“We are correcting the behavior, not the person…No one is motivated by shame.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [10:07]

• Feedback sandwich and hinting are ineffective; clarity and caring are key.

3. Cultivate

[11:21]

• Not a one-and-done process; development requires ongoing coaching and feedback.
• Frequent, real-time feedback is more effective than annual reviews.
• Use open-ended coaching questions (“What do you think we should do?”) to foster accountability and solutions-orientation.

“Leadership potential is cultivated by ongoing coaching. Yet many managers will wait until the last minute to a year-end review to give vague feedback, which of course erodes trust.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [11:29]

The Leadership Tripod: All Three Cs Needed

[12:35]

• Excelling in only one or two “Cs” destabilizes leadership effectiveness—each is essential and interdependent.

“They’re like a tripod, and if we don’t excel in all three of them, our ability to activate leadership falls apart.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [12:52]

Emotional Intelligence: Not “Fluff” But Strategic Necessity

[13:16]

• Skeptics may see EQ as “fluff,” but St Jacques affirms with conviction it’s the most powerful strategy for business results.
• Intrinsic motivation and accountability follow naturally when people feel seen and valued.

“Our work is only as good as our work with other people.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [13:41]

Human Connection as the Cornerstone of Leadership Legacy

[14:10]

• Effective leadership transcends metrics; it’s about the impact created through connection.
• In an age of technology and accelerating change, human-centered leadership is more important than ever.

“We must anchor those achievements in what is uniquely human, not replacing but retaining connection as the cornerstone and the launching pad to all of our progress.”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [14:37]

• Call to action: What legacy will you leave as a leader? Will it be just about the “what,” or also the “how”—the connections and cultures you build?

“We’re not just leaders. We’re cycle breakers. So today I’m asking you, what kind of legacy do you want to leave as a leader?”
– Dr. Renee St Jacques [15:17]

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Connection:
  “Correction without connection feels like rejection.”
  – Dr. Renee St Jacques [07:01]

• On Owning Impact:
  “It looks like I need to work on that—goes a long way.”
  – Dr. Renee St Jacques [07:53]

• On Feedback Tools:
  “Managers are so much more successful when they use the word ‘and’ instead of ‘but’; ‘we’ instead of ‘you’.”
  – Dr. Renee St Jacques [10:35]

• On Performance:
  “The secret to high performance is simple: we raise the intrinsic motivation and accountability of our teams when they first feel seen, heard, and valued.”
  – Dr. Renee St Jacques [13:52]

• On Leadership Legacy:
  “Will it be defined solely by the what, the bottom line goals, or will it transcend to the how?”
  – Dr. Renee St Jacques [15:21]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Content | |-----------|-----------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:23 | Opening Story | Coaching case study: the dangers of unclear feedback | | 05:29 | Introduction of 3 Cs Framework | Connect, Correct, Cultivate | | 06:13 | Connect | Psychological safety, practical connection tactics | | 09:01 | Correct | Specificity in feedback, focus on behavior | | 11:21 | Cultivate | Ongoing coaching, frequent, open-ended feedback | | 12:35 | Tripod Analogy | All three Cs are essential | | 13:16 | Debunking EQ as Fluff | EQ as a strategic necessity | | 14:10 | Human Connection & Leadership Legacy | Connection as the cornerstone, call to action |

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Conclusion

Dr. Renee St Jacques’s TED Talk delivers a passionate, actionable roadmap for transforming feedback and leadership practices. Her “Connect, Correct, Cultivate” model underscores that genuine high performance is achieved not just by meeting goals, but by creating cultures of trust, growth, and human connection. The episode closes by challenging all leaders and aspiring leaders to reflect on the legacy they wish to build—not just in metrics, but in the quality of workplace relationships and the positive cycles they create for generations to come.

Transcript

[Elise Hu]

You're listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu, licensed psychologist, researcher and executive coach Rene St Jacques has spent her career studying how emotional intelligence can transform work, culture and performance.

[Rene St Jacques]

We're not just leaders, we're not worst cycle breakers. So today I'm asking you, what kind of legacy do you want to leave as a leader?

[Elise Hu]

In her talk, Renae reveals the psychological foundations that make teams excel and why true success comes from recognizing and building on these very foundations. She offers practical science based insights for people and teams and shares why human centered, emotionally led leadership is integral for all of us and for generations of leaders to come. That's coming up right after a short break. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn. Running a small business means every hire matters. A bad hire can cost you time, money and momentum. A good hire? They can help grow your business. But finding great talent isn't easy, especially when you don't have the time or resources to sift through piles of resumes to find the right fit. That's why LinkedIn built Hiring Pro, your new hiring partner that screens candidates for you. So instead of sorting through applications, you spend your time talking to candidates who are actually a good fit. With Hiring Pro, you can hire with confidence, knowing you're getting the best talent for your business. In fact, according to LinkedIn, those hiring with LinkedIn are 24% less likely to need to reopen a role within 12 months compared to the leading competitor. Join the 2.7 million small businesses using LinkedIn to hire get started by posting your job for [e-mail] TedTalk. Terms and conditions apply.

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[Elise Hu]

And now our TED Talk of the Day.

[Rene St Jacques]

A few years ago, I found myself individually coaching both a manager and an employee at the same time. The employee was super confident she'd get promoted, whereas the manager privately shared with me that she had no plans to do so. Why the disconnect? The manager admitted using the feedback sandwich technique, which is praise feedback, then praise again, embedding that critical feedback in the praise, leading to false expectations. Despite the manager's good intentions, the impact was damaging. There was burnout for the manager for overcompensating. There was a breakdown in trust for the employee and ultimately unachieved goals for the organization. Having coached hundreds of leaders, this is just one of many examples that I've encountered where low emotional intelligence EQ for short, leads to low results. And that's no surprise given the decades of research that show that EQ can boost profitability. My fascination with human behavior started at an early age where, amidst family dysfunction, I witnessed firsthand how low EQ can leave a negative legacy. And now as a psychologist, as an executive coach, I'm passionate about drawing from my unique corporate and counseling background to bridge theory and practice. When it comes to teams managers, I see you with the pressure to meet bottom line goals. You often have to do more with less. But what got you here? Excelling as an individual contributor, doing things yourself won't get you success as a manager. As a leader, your impact is measured by what you achieve through your team. But let's be honest, increasing the intrinsic motivation and accountability of your team isn't always easy, especially when there's resistance or a breakdown in trust. How do you drive results? By unlocking the leadership potential of every team member, no matter their title. I believe it begins by elevating your emotional intelligence with three key skills connect, correct and cultivate. These three Cs make up a research back framework called Leadership Activated that I've developed to help leaders practically build trust, guide behavior and foster growth. The first circumstance is connect. An executive once asked me to repurpose her session time to coach a seasoned employee of hers whose performance was declining. But as soon as I got into session, I knew she didn't need coaching on her external skills. She needed coaching to really uncover the internal factors influencing her performance. Connection is what unlocks high performance because it creates psychological safety, a key driver to team success, where individuals feel freedom to communicate without fear. Research also shows that the number one factor to job satisfaction is not our pay, but how valued and appreciated we feel. Sometimes we have to go slow to go fast. And trust is an accelerator to business results. And we build trust when we take the time to connect. What would it look like for this manager to connect? Because I see a lot of managers push without connection and what happens is that the behavior gets worse because correction without connection feels like rejection. Connection is what separates our work from our worth. It's about valuing people not just for what they do, but who they are. The best practice here is when you use a tone of curiosity. You can say something like I want you to know it's safe to share or use open ended questions like can you help me understand? Or use phrases like I see you, I hear you. That's hard. All while paraphrasing back to make the employee feel heard. And when we do, the magic here is that we uncover the root issue. Maybe it's imposter syndrome, maybe it's a personal issue at play. What makes them feel valued? What motivates them all without fixing, lecturing or using the information against them in any way. It's about talking with them, not at them. And sometimes we find what is part of it contributing to this resistance. It's actually us. Lean in to that insight. It's a gift. Instead of defending your intention model, owning your impact, saying something like it looks like I need to work on that goes a long way. The first C connect is not a nice to have, even if it takes more than one meeting. The only goal is to make an employee feel seen. And while that's essential, not providing any developmental guidance is actually coddling. The second C is correct. I once coached a brilliant coo, but he would redo his team's work instead of correcting them. His over functioning enabled their under functioning. The story he told himself was feedback was hurting people. But when you look at the definition of a manager, which is to steward the organization's goals through people, feedback given with psychological safety is actually empowering. Now that we've separated work from worth, we we can have a compassionate focus on behavior. Remember, we are correcting the behavior, not the person. What would it look like for this manager to correct? Well, one thing I see a lot of managers do is hint hinting doesn't work. Effective correction balances clarity and kindness. No one can read your mind. Instead of saying deadlines are important, we can say the deadline was X. This was submitted on Y. We need all deadlines met from now on because of Z impact. Authors Heen and Stone break down the psychology behind why we do this. The feedback sits at the intersection of two competing human needs. On one hand we want to learn and grow. On another hand we want to be worthy and enough just the way we are. Without change, vague feedback equals vague commitment equals zero chance of change. And no one is motivated by shame. So managers are so much more successful when they use the word and instead of but we instead of you. Your client dedication is impressive and can we collaborate to improve communication? Unlike the ineffective feedback sandwich, the first C connect establishes enough trust for the second C correct which is that clear kind guidance. And because connect and correct is not a one and done, the third C is Cultivate. Just like a garden needs ongoing care to flourish, leadership potential is cultivated by ongoing coaching. Yet many managers will wait until the last minute to a year end review to give vague feedback which of course erodes trust. Whereas research shows that real time, informal frequent feedback is far more effective. And when we ask our teams open ended coaching questions like what do you think we should do? It empowers a whole team to step up with solutions which unlocks the leadership potential of both our team as well as our own. Because we're trading in burnout for a culture of ownership, this stock is is actually not about feedback or the latest management trend. Connect, correct and cultivate are these three Cs that we may excel in one. But the truth? They're like a tripod and if we don't excel in all three of them, our ability to activate leadership falls apart. But you may think that EQ is fluff that a focus on people moves us further away from the bottom line. However, I am in the trenches with leaders daily and I know firsthand that emotional intelligence is our greatest strategy to results because our work is only as good as our work with other people. The secret to high performance is simple. We raise the intrinsic motivation and accountability of our teams when they first feel seen, heard and valued. However, leadership isn't just about performance. I know firsthand that low EQ can create cycles of mistrust, disconnection and pain. I dream of a healthier world where we don't just push on the world changing missions of our organizations, but with the accelerated and unprecedented paced results through non human beings. We must anchor those achievements in what is uniquely human, not replacing, but retaining connection as the cornerstone and the launching pad to all of our progress. I believe we can raise the emotional intelligence of entire workplaces to make them as kind as they are effective, to create an impact that's both measurable and meaningful. We're not just leaders, we're cycle breakers. So today I'm asking you, what kind of legacy do you want to leave as a leader? Will it be defined solely by the what, the bottom line goals? Or will it transcend to the how? How through connection, we created an impact that truly mattered. Together we can architect the leadership of tomorrow. Thank you.

[Elise Hu]

That was Renee St. Jacques at TEDx Fiesole in 2025. If you're curious about Ted's curation, find out more at ted.comcurationguidelines and that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This talk was fact checked by the TED Research team and produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Luther Little and Tonsika Songmar Nivong. This episode was mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Balaurazo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.

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