TED Talks Daily: "How to Make Anxiety Your Friend" by David H. Rosmarin

Release Date: March 8, 2025

In this compelling episode of TED Talks Daily, clinical psychologist David H. Rosmarin challenges the conventional perception of anxiety as merely a debilitating condition to be eradicated. Instead, he presents a transformative perspective that encourages embracing anxiety as a valuable ally in personal growth and resilience.

Introduction to Anxiety's Dual Nature

David begins by recounting his personal experience with anxiety, describing his first anxiety attack with vivid imagery:

"I vividly remember my first anxiety attack. [...] This wave of fear crashed over me and my heart started to pound. [...] My face felt hot. It's hot in here, right? Yeah, it's hot." (02:38)

This moment was pivotal, steering his career towards understanding and addressing anxiety. Initially intent on eliminating anxiety, David's journey led him to a profound realization: while clinical anxiety can be debilitating and requires professional intervention, not all anxiety is detrimental. He posits that anxiety, in its natural form, can be harnessed positively.

Anxiety as a Catalyst for Success

David highlights how anxiety has played a pivotal role in the lives of some of history's most influential figures:

• Sir Winston Churchill: Early in his career, Churchill experienced a freezing anxiety attack during a speech in the House of Commons. Instead of succumbing to his fear, he confronted it, ultimately becoming one of the 20th century's greatest orators. David emphasizes:

  "He faced his fears head on, and he went on to become one of the greatest orators of the 20th century." (04:10)

• Oprah Winfrey: Following a box office failure, Oprah turned to food to numb her emotions, leading to a period of emotional numbness. This phase taught her the importance of relinquishing expectations, paving the way for her rise as a media icon.

• Taylor Swift: During her first performance of the national anthem at a football game, Swift was paralyzed with fear. She learned to share her feelings, incorporating her anxieties into her lyrics, demonstrating vulnerability and resilience.

David contends that these examples illustrate how anxiety, when managed and embraced, can enhance resilience, strengthen relationships, and foster personal growth.

Personal Story: Nicole's Journey

To illustrate the practical application of embracing anxiety, David shares the story of Nicole, a patient who suffered from hypochondriasis (clinical health anxiety). Despite numerous MRIs clearing her of any aneurysm, Nicole's fear of her brain exploding led her to withdraw from daily activities. Through exposure therapy—facing her fears head-on by educating herself about aneurysms and visiting neurology wards—Nicole overcame her obsessions.

Years later, Nicole faced another daunting challenge when her unborn son was diagnosed with an aneurysm. Drawing from her past experience, she remained resilient during her son's life-saving surgery, ultimately welcoming a healthy child into the world. David remarks:

"Nicole is a super resilient mom because she faced anxiety." (09:45)

This narrative underscores the theme that confronting anxiety can build emotional strength and resilience.

The Universal Experience of Anxiety

David emphasizes that anxiety is a universal emotion. He shares his personal struggles with fear of failure and vulnerability, revealing how these anxieties initially propelled his professional success but created personal distance in relationships. It was through the unconditional love and support of his wife, Miri, that he learned to lower his defenses and openly share his fears:

"There's nothing more worthwhile than taking our anxiety and turning it into love." (10:30)

He highlights the importance of vulnerability in forming deep emotional connections, suggesting that sharing anxiety can foster intimacy and strengthen relationships.

The Adrenaline of Letting Go

Exploring the physiological aspects of anxiety, David likens the experience to the adrenaline rush of action and adventure movies, which dominate over 50% of box office sales. He suggests that letting go and embracing the unpredictability of life can be exhilarating:

"A shot of it comes with pure joy, followed by this blissful tranquility like wow." (11:00)

This perspective encourages viewing anxiety as an adrenaline-fueled journey that, when navigated consciously, can lead to personal fulfillment and peace.

Practical Steps to Turn Anxiety into an Ally

David outlines four actionable steps to transform anxiety from an adversary into a supportive companion:

1. Identify (13:15):

   • Acknowledge and understand the root of your anxiety. Instead of suppressing anxious feelings, take a moment to introspect and pinpoint what you're truly afraid of.

2. Share (14:05):

   • Communicate your anxiety with trusted individuals. Whether through conversation, text, or email, expressing your fears fosters connection and diminishes isolation.

3. Embrace (14:50):

   • Allow yourself to experience anxiety without resistance. Engage in activities that make you uncomfortable in a safe manner to build emotional resilience.

4. Let Go (15:25):

   • Accept that you cannot control every outcome. By relinquishing the illusion of complete control, you open yourself to inner peace and reduce the burden of constant vigilance.

David concludes by reinforcing the importance of these steps in cultivating a healthier relationship with anxiety:

"Think about it. In your own life, who are the people who you feel closest to? Usually, it's those who you've opened up to about your anxiety in some way." (16:00)

Conclusion: Embracing a New Perspective on Anxiety

David Ross Rosmarin's talk offers a transformative lens through which to view anxiety—not as an enemy to be vanquished, but as a powerful ally that, when understood and embraced, can lead to profound personal growth and stronger interpersonal connections. By implementing his four-step approach, individuals can harness the energy of anxiety to build resilience, foster intimacy, and achieve inner peace.

For more insights and transformative ideas, visit TED.com.