Talks on Love Playlist (5/5): Why friendship can be just as meaningful as romantic love | Rhaina Cohen

Summary

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Podcast Summary: TED Talks Daily — "Why Friendship Can Be Just as Meaningful as Romantic Love" (Talks on Love Playlist 5/5: Rhaina Cohen)

Episode Date: June 12, 2026
Speaker: Rhaina Cohen (Journalist & Author)
Theme: Rethinking the centrality of friendship, exploring its historical and modern significance, and challenging societal narratives that prioritize romantic love.

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Overview

In this thought-provoking TED Talk, journalist and author Rhaina Cohen encourages listeners to reimagine friendship as a cornerstone of meaningful connection—on par with, or even surpassing, romantic love. Sharing research, personal stories, and historical context, Cohen examines how the undervaluing of friendship affects our lives, and advocates for a cultural shift that recognizes friendships as foundational sources of care, companionship, and support.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Societal Emphasis on Romance

• Cohen begins by referencing the Supreme Court’s decision recognizing same-sex marriage, quoting Justice Kennedy on the universal human need for companionship (03:37).
• Points out the cultural messaging—through legal language, media, and societal norms—that positions marriage and romantic love as the default path to emotional fulfillment.
• Quote (03:53):

  “Marriage responds to the universal fear that a lonely person might call out only to find no one there.”

2. The Overlooked Value of Friendship

• Highlights the realities of singleness and the impermanence of marriage—statistically, many will find themselves without a spouse later in life (04:23).
• Stresses the need for “other significant others” beyond romantic partners and introduces friendship as a powerful, but neglected, source of support and fulfillment.

3. Personal and Interviewed Experiences

• Cohen recounts her own experience with a deeply affectionate, supportive friendship that occupied as much space as her marriage (05:01).
• She shares stories from research and interviews:
  • Natasha & Linda (Canada): First legally recognized platonic co-parents (06:00).
  • Joe & John: Lifelong friends whose mutual support included overcoming addiction together (06:16).
  • Joy & Hannah: Joy cared for Hannah during her terminal illness, undertaking major, family-like responsibilities (06:30).
• Quote (06:54):

  “Some of the friends that I spoke to had this friendship occupy the space that's conventionally given to a romantic partner. Some had this kind of friendship and a romantic partner. It's not either or.”

4. Historical and Cultural Context

• Describes historical models where friendship was regarded with deep significance:
  • Ancient Rome: Friends described as "half of my soul."
  • Sworn brotherhood: Ritualized, chosen familial bonds seen in cultures across China, Jordan, and England (07:30).
  • 19th–20th century: Intimate, affectionate portraits of same-sex friends (08:15).
• Quote (08:27):

  “If we don’t limit friendship, it can be central to our lives. But today, not everybody recognizes that.”

5. Societal Barriers and Misconceptions

• Shares the story of a mother skeptical of her son’s close friendship (09:10).

• Highlights how policies and workplace norms don’t recognize friends as legitimate sources of support (e.g., bereavement leave, medical leave).

• Quote (10:10):

  “Friendship is invisible... the diminishment of friendship comes from the outside, and sometimes it comes from the inside.”

• Tells of people realizing, through stories of others, that the fulfilment they sought in romance might already exist in their friendships.

6. Imagining a New Social Future

• Discusses her own life: living with husband and two close friends, consciously building a chosen family/community (“the Village”) (11:20).
• Advocates for consciously choosing to build life structures around meaningful friendships—not just defaulting to romantic or familial norms.
• Quote (11:55):

  “I feel like I get to live in a future world where you can just build a life with your friends.”

7. Closing Message

• Envisions a future where love, care, and companionship are shared with whomever you’re lucky to find—be it spouse, sibling, or friend.

• Quote (12:07):

  “...if one of us has a migraine at 6am and there’s a toddler bouncing around or we get a terrifying diagnosis, we will not be a lonely person calling out only for no one to answer.”

• Ends with a hope that everyone feels permission to build and honor life-defining friendships.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Reframing “Significant Others”

  "We need other significant others, and there's an overlooked kind of relationship that we can turn—Friendship." (04:36)

• On Societal Resistance

  "Understandable as a reaction in a culture that treats friendship as the sidekick to the real hero of romance." (09:55)

• On Self-Realization

  "...she realized there was no hole. She had been happy all along, but she hadn’t known, been made to believe that it was possible to have a friend be enough." (10:35)

• On Possible Futures

  "I live not only with my husband, but also two of my closest friends... scheming... about trying to buy property together, the kind of place where we could raise kids alongside one another. Our working title for the place is the Village." (11:25)

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Important Timestamps

• 03:37 — Cohen opens with Supreme Court marriage equality case, setting up the cultural context.
• 05:01 — Introduction of her own significant friendship.
• 06:00 – 06:30 — Vivid stories of deep, life-defining friendships.
• 07:30 — Historical overview of strong friendship bonds.
• 09:10 – 10:35 — Societal barriers against friendship; transformative personal stories.
• 11:20 — Cohen’s own experience of building a “chosen family” with friends.
• 12:07 – 12:18 — Final vision for a society where friendship is unreservedly celebrated.

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Tone of the Talk

Rhaina Cohen’s delivery is warm, insightful, and gently provocative. She combines personal anecdotes with research and historical analysis, encouraging listeners to see friendship as a legitimate and potentially central pillar of their emotional lives. The talk is both affirming for those whose friendships have been life-defining, and challenging for those who have uncritically accepted romance as the only path to deep belonging.

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Summary:
Rhaina Cohen’s TED Talk urges the audience to recognize and honor friendship as a source of profound love, care, and security—arguing for societal, cultural, and personal shifts that will allow everyone to structure their lives around the relationships that truly sustain them, regardless of romantic status.

Transcript

[A]

June is LGBTQ Pride Month. For many around the world, it's a time to celebrate the fight for rights and the many forms love and relationships can take. In honor of this, today we're dropping five of our favorite TED Talks from the archive on love and relationships. Happy listening. You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. We are so conditioned to think of our romantic relationships as central to our lives and the foundation of our families, but journalist and author Raina Cohen is challenging that framework. In her 2024 talk, she paints a picture of a future where friendship can be at the core. We'll dive into this talk right after the. This episode is brought to you by LinkedIn Running a small business means every hire matters. A bad hire can cost you time, money and momentum. A good hire? They can help grow your business. But finding great talent isn't easy, especially when you don't have the time or resources to sift through piles of resumes to find the right fit. That's why LinkedIn built Hiring Pro, your new hiring partner that screens candidates for you. So instead of sorting through applications, you spend your time talking to candidates who are actually a good fit. With Hiring Pro, you can hire with confidence, knowing you're getting the best talent for your business. In fact, according to LinkedIn, those hiring with LinkedIn are 24% less likely to need to reopen a role within 12 months compared to the leading competitor. Join the 2.7 million small businesses using LinkedIn to hire. Get started by posting your job for [e-mail] TedTalk terms and conditions apply.

[B]

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[A]

A dot com this episode is brought to you by Walmart Business. The best leaders might tell you the work that moves an organization forward doesn't happen in spreadsheets or supply chain emails. It happens when you have the space to think big. That's the idea behind Walmart Business. It's built to take the friction out of running an organization so your team isn't losing hours to procurement logistics when they could just be focused on the problems that actually matter. With an ever expanding business assortment everyday low prices and fast, reliable shipping, Walmart Business keeps your operations running smoothly. Shop online, in store or through the Walmart Business app. However, works best for for you Simpler operations, smarter spending. It's Walmart built for your business. Sign up for a free Walmart business [e-mail]. And now our TED Talk of the Day.

[C]

There is a Supreme Court case that you could mistake for a sermon. It's the case that Recognize that same sex couples have a constitutional right to marry. Here is a sense of what Justice Kennedy wrote. Marriage responds to the universal fear that a lonely person might call out only to find no one there. He goes on to say that marriage offers care and companionship, and the decision argues that these are basic human needs that everyone should have access to, whether they're straight or queer. Validating. But what do these words say to you if you're single? Anybody single here? I mean, there should be quite a few of you because in the US the percentage of American adults who have never been married is at a record high. Married people? You're not off the hook. I'm going to get a little morbid for a moment and have you contemplate what happens if your marriage doesn't last until the end of your life, whether because of divorce or outliving your spouse. In the US about 30% of women over 65 are widows. The reality is any one of us is unlikely to have a spouse by our side until our last dying breath. Regardless of whether we are partnered now, we need to rely on more than one relationship to sustain us throughout our full, unpredictable lives. We need other significant others, and there's an overlooked kind of relationship that we can turn Friendship. I got the sense that friendship could be this stronger force in our lives because of a friendship that I stumbled into. We would see each other most days of the week, be each other's plus ones to parties. My friend has this habit of grabbing my hand to hold, including when I brought her to my office. And then I'd have to be like, no, not in the office. But it's only I mean, I wouldn't let my husband do that in the office either. It's just, you know, setting matters. But it was only an issue because for us, affection is a reflex. And I knew it couldn't be just us. I went out and interviewed dozens of people who had a friendship like ours, and I wrote a book about them. And the kinds of friends that I spoke to, they don't just have a weekly phone call. They're friends like these. Natasha and Linda are the first legally recognized platonic co parents in Canada. Joe and John have been best friends for many decades. When Joe was struggling with alcohol and drug use, John got him into recovery. And then John decided that to support his friend, he would also become sober. Joy took care of her friend Hannah during Hannah's six year battle with ovarian cancer. And that included flying out to New York, where Hannah got specialized treatment. Joy had trouble actually sleeping overnight in the hospital because she was too busy watching to make sure her friend's chest was still rising and falling. Some of the friends that I spoke to had this friendship occupy the space that's conventionally given to a romantic partner. Some had this kind of friendship and a romantic partner. It's not either or. As I spoke to these people, I realized that they were at the frontier of friendship, helping us imagine how much more we could ask of our platonic relationships. Which is true. But another way of looking at it is they're doing something retro, even ancient. In ancient Rome, friends would talk about each other as half of my soul or the greater part of my soul. The kind of language we now use in romantic relationships. From China to Jordan to England, there was a practice called sworn brotherhood, where male friends would go through a ritual that would turn them into brothers. About a century ago, friends would sit for portraits like these with their arms wrapped around each other, their bodies up close. What I took from this history is that if we don't limit friendship, it can be central to our lives. But today, not everybody recognizes that. I spoke to a mother who really tried to get her son to make dating a priority because she wanted him to find emotional wholeness. And her son told her, I found it in my platonic life partner, his best friend, who he had known since high school, who had moved across the country to be near him, to live with him. In fact, the mother said, I don't understand how you can be partners with someone you're not romantic with. Understandable has a reaction in a culture that treats friendship as the sidekick to the real hero of romance. We get that message from rom coms, from Supreme Court justices Also from policy. So Joy, during the six years she took care of her friend, she was not entitled to family medical leave. When Hannah died, Joy was not entitled to bereavement leave because the two of them were considered unrelated in our government and workplace policies. Friendship is invisible. Sometimes this diminishment of friendship comes from the outside, and sometimes it comes from the inside. A woman wrote to me about her friend, who she considers her person. She spent so much time with her friend's kids that she was given car seats for them. She's also divorced and tried to find a new spouse because there was a hole she wanted to fill in her life. Then she read stories of people like Joe and John, and in an article I'd written, and she realized there was no hole. She had been happy all along, but she hadn't known, been made to believe that it was possible to have a friend be enough. If we can recognize what friendship has the potential to be, and if we can recognize that there is more than one kind of significant other, then we can imagine more ways for us to find love and care and companionship, and we can support people who have these kinds of friendships. So the mother I mentioned, she's completely changed her tune. She now admires the commitment between her son and her son's friend. I feel like I get to live in a future world where you can just build a life with your friends. I live not only with my husband, but also two of my closest friends. One of them, we kind of like had a courtship process to recruit him to come to our city and live with us. The other had a job in our city and we invited her to stay. It didn't take long for us to start scheming with about a half dozen other friends about trying to buy property together, the kind of place where we could raise kids alongside one another. Our working title for the place is the Village. I don't know if this will work out. I can keep you posted about it, but if it does, I feel really confident about one thing, that if one of us has a migraine at 6am and there's a toddler bouncing around or we get a terrifying diagnosis, we will not be a lonely person calling out only for no one to answer. And this is what I hope for all of us, that we feel like we have permission to share our lives with whoever we are lucky enough to find, whether that's a spouse, a sibling, or a house full of friends. Thank you.

[A]

That was Raina Cohen at TED Next 2024. This talk was originally published in November of that year. If you're curious about Ted's curation, visit ted.com curationguidelines and that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is a podcast from ted. This episode was fact checked by the TED Research team and produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Lucy Little, Emma Tobner, and Tanzika Sangarnival. Additional support from Daniela Ballaraizo, Christopher Faizy Bogan, Valentina Bohanini, Banban Chang, Brian Greene, and Lainey Lott. Learn [e-mail] I am Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feedback. Thanks for listening. This episode is brought to you by the world's leading ESIM brand, Airalo. When I travel, I don't want to just see a new place, I want to engage with it. It's often the small, unexpected moments that stay with us. The cafe you stumble into, the conversation you didn't plan for, the turn that leads somewhere surprising. Airalo makes it easier to stay connected to those moments. You can activate your ESIM and get online the moment you land. No swapping SIM cards, no searching for WI fi and no hidden fees. With unlimited data and reliable coverage through top local carriers, you can explore freely and use your phone the way you do at home. It's a simple way to stay connected so you can experience more of wherever you're traveling to get unlimited data this [e-mail] that's a I R a L O. This episode is brought to you by Pura. What if Fragrance could do more than fill a room? The Sense of Calm Collection, a partnership between Pura and Calm, is crafted to help you unwind recenter and find stillness right where you are. It includes three fragrances, each paired with Calm's most loved audio experiences. One to ease you into rest, one to anchor you in presence, or one to clear your mind and refresh your energy. Breathe in and reset. Discover the Sense of calm [e-mail] calm

[D]

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