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TED Talks Daily Book Club: Intentional Ambition: Redefining Your Work for Greater Joy, Freedom, and Fulfillment | Rha Goddess
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You're listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hunter. Happy Sunday. Today we're bringing you a new episode of our very own book club series where each month we check out new books from TED speakers that will spark your curiosity all year long. A few weeks ago I sat down with RA Goddess, author of the new book Intentional Redefining youg Work for Greater Joy, Freedom and Fulfillment. We got together virtually in front of a live audience of TED members to speak about how work culture has fundamentally changed and what we can do to recenter joy and mental well being in our life. And yes, in our RA is a social impact strategist and career Coach with over 30 years of experience empowering change makers, creatives, leaders and social entrepreneurs. Her mission is to help people find their true mission and purpose in life and to revolutionize the way we live, work and play. In our conversation, she lays out Three stages to renegotiate your relationship to work in order to discover and align with your true ambitions. Let's get to it. Ra, welcome. Thank you so much for joining us.
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B
Thank you so much, Elise, for having me. It's so wonderful to be here.
- [03:06]
A
Well, let's just start with. Given the fact that everything is going on in the world and can feel so tumultuous, it seems like it's a great moment to just reassess our relationships with work. So let's start by talking about work culture itself. How would you describe the current state of work influx?
- [03:29]
B
And I would say massively influx.
- [03:31]
A
Yeah.
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B
And I think, you know, part of the inspiration for writing the book was really recognizing that over the last five years, we have all gone through a pretty profound and unprecedented experience on a global scale. And we are different. We are not the same. And there is a way in which I think all of us are trying to really discern what is the relationship I want to have with my work, what is the way I want to work. And as we are sort of bumping up against all of the converging aspects of our culture with technology, with organizational restructuring, all of the things that are happening within our corporate institutions as well as within our mom and pop shops for our entrepreneurs out there, I think this question is front and center. Like, you know, where am I and where do I want to be when it comes to my work and the way that I work?
- [04:24]
A
And that brings us to your current book, your new book, Intentional Ambition, which we're talking about today. How is that situated in this landscape that you've laid out?
- [04:32]
B
So this is the book that I say is written for people who know they are not going back, but they're still kind of trying to figure out how to go forward.
- [04:41]
A
Yes.
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B
Right. Many people are pivoting and transitioning and realigning and restructuring and reorganizing. And, you know, there are some really fundamental shifts that we've gone through that are influencing the way in which we're starting to think about how we now, you know, cultivate these new terms and conditions for how we're going to come into the workplace.
- [05:05]
A
Joy is in the title of your book. How do you think we should navigate finding joy and intention in our own lives, given the fear and the uncertainty or anxiety that a lot of us are experiencing now, given the backdrop that we're working under?
- [05:22]
B
I think that's the big fundamental question, because joy is now more of a priority than it's ever been. You know, in other words, if we Sort of look at what's different between I think even, you know, pre pandemic versus post pandemic. We are recognizing that money isn't everything. And this doesn't mean that money isn't important. But I think that there's a way in which our culture has often dictated and money has also been the sort of number one driver of dictating the way that we work. And it's not anymore in terms of being the number one. There are other considerations now that are also in here. One of them is our health and wellbeing. And we all know everything from understanding that many of us are still living with long Covid to understanding that there has been a universal way in which we are starting to talk more squarely about mental health and well being and anxiety. You know, this conversation of our well being is now more front and center, even if for some of us that's just getting more exercise. The other thing that's front center is our happiness. Joy. Right here we go back to that word. Our relationship with the quality of our day to day is more important and imperative to us now than ever before. And that's whether you felt like you were able to find your groove during the pandemic because you had the opportunity to shelter in place, or whether it is that you didn't like. In other words, the wheels fell off and you had to kind of reel it back in because of burnout or fatigue or, you know, or trauma in many cases. And so happiness matters, quality of our day to day matters, Health and well being matter, purpose and meaning matter.
- [07:00]
A
Yeah, yeah. But to get to those ends that we all seek, obviously it starts with a renegotiation or a negotiation with ourselves, which you write so beautifully about. So I'd love to go back to your own timeline and how you kind of got to this framework that is laid out in the book. Early on in the book, you share a story about an awakening that you had that led to your own renegotiation in your life following the death of your father. How did you respond originally?
- [07:29]
B
Yeah, I mean, you know, my, my joke is that I kind of quit before the pandemic in the sense of, you know, my father passed away in late 2016 and you know, my sister and I had cared for him for the last 21 years of his life. So it was a really defining moment for me and for us. And my response to avoiding the grief of that was to plunge myself into work. Yeah. Which is, I come to find out, not an uncommon response. And I just kept Piling it on and piling it on and piling it on. And. And it got to a point where literally I just could not get off the couch. And I was for. To really look at what was it that had me believe that I could not stop, what was it that had me believe that I could not slow down, what was it that had me believe that my humanity was not a priority? And that was everything from whether I ate or I slept or, you know, all of the sort of basic functional things that we need to do in order to even remotely show up powerfully for the things that are, you know, commanding and demanding our attention in the day to day. And as I began, thank God, through the health of a therapist and a coach, as I began to unravel and really start to understand what was driving me, I was kind of floored to discover all of the narratives that I had been carrying unconsciously about why I had to show up and push and prove and overachieve and, you know, all. All of the things. Elise.
- [09:07]
A
Right, right.
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B
And. And. And to reckon where those messages came from and the degree to which I had so deeply ingrained and varied those messages such that I didn't even realize that that's what I was doing.
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A
One of those major ideas that you had to renegotiate is success and the idea of success. Can you talk us through that and how you first thought about it and how you've come to think about it now?
- [09:33]
B
Yeah, I think for me, success had often been rooted in achievement. How much you could get done, how much you could get accomplished, how much you could amass in terms of praise or accolades or recognition or support. And there had been a real narrative for me in terms of my father's history and coming through two decades of Jim Crow segregation, that as a black man in America, there was a particular narrative about the degree to which people would honor, respect, appreciate, or see you for your efforts. And that was in there. And I didn't necessarily realize that was in there. You know, my mother, you know, Southern Baptist perfectionist, you know, and, you know, I's dotted, T's crossed, speaking the King's English, pleated skirts, you know, all of those things, you know, pressed to within an inch of your life.
- [10:25]
A
Wow.
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B
Right. That was in there. And so my need to start to reckon with and reconcile with, you know, all of the things that I had inherited about what success meant, and then certainly being in external, professional environments where somebody else is also in an institutional or an organizational culture, setting the standard and in some cases having A standard model to. To us. Right. In terms of what it looks like, all of those things were in there.
- [10:54]
A
Yeah.
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B
And none of it had anything to do with whether or not I felt good about myself. None of it had anything to do with whether or not I felt some sense of safety or security or grounding. None of it had anything to do with whether or not I felt any kind of sense of belonging. And none of it had anything to do with whether or not I felt like I was operating or living or working in alignment with my values. And then no days off. None of it had anything to do with any days off. And so all of that had to come back to the studs. And really, in wrestling my work ethic to the ground, I had to really kind of go, like, what is success for me and to what degree do I get to be a part or my happiness or my peace of mind or my health and well being? Physical, mental, emotional health and well being? To what degree did those get to be a part of the equation when I consider this new definition?
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A
Yeah.
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B
Yeah.
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A
As we talk about this distinction between external rewards and intrinsic or internal rewards, it's related to a question that we received from a TED member. So I'd love to ask you the question from Christy, who wrote, what are indications we are pursuing someone else's version of success and not our own?
- [12:15]
B
Yeah. I think one of the things that often shows up for us is we don't often feel connected to whatever we're achieving. So even if we achieve it, you know, when I think about this in the context of imposter syndrome and how much we've talked about imposter syndrome, whether you're looking at it from the perspective of an inability to see yourself internally and what you accomplish and how hard you work, or whether you're looking at it from the perspective of externally, where you're not able to see yourself and the landscapes you're navigating and those cause questions of belonging. Right. And worthiness. But in this context of, you know, being connected to ourselves, do we recognize the person who's showing up every day? And I know that for me, my representative was way alive and kicking, you know, like, I mean, the fake smile, the fine, fine, fine, everything's fine, you know, when it was all falling apart. And I think the degree to which I had disconnected from my true feelings or the degree to which I disconnected from my authentic expression was one of the blaring indicators in that nothing was sort of getting in, if that makes sense. That was a sort of numbness Right. No matter what was going on, whether it was great or whether it was horrible in some way, I had kind of disconnected and checked out another way. And this shows up a lot for people is exhaustion.
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A
Oh, yes.
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B
I relate, you know, the lack of energy. Yeah.
- [13:48]
A
Well, to follow up, once you've realized this distinction, you've kind of come to this moment, this fork in the road that you confronted yourself back in 2016. Our fellow Ted member Kelly S. Asks, what's your advice? What advice do you have on handling the pivot, from achieving success, from other people's eyes to focusing on your own definition?
- [14:08]
B
Yeah, I think the first thing you gotta do is get clear about what it is that you really want. And as much as it sounds like it's an easy question, at least I know for me, when I was in that period in 2017, I had to ask myself that question for a period of months and, like, really keep listening for, like, wow, what is it that I want? And I say that because I find even now, as I talk with leaders, often what we want is filtered through what we think is acceptable, totally, we think is respectable, what we think is affordable, if we think about from the context of our, you know, economic stability. And so we're often filtering, and it takes time and it takes courage, and it takes space sometimes to really get to the heart and the truth of what it is that you really want. But that's the beginning question, because once you can ask and begin to give yourself the permission to answer, you may be shocked at what you find. What you want may be not as complicated or difficult or as overwhelming or grandiose as what you may be reaching for.
- [15:19]
A
This is such a great segue to the book, Rob, because in your book, you lay out a framework to finding our true ambition, finding our true selves, negotiation, resignation, and renegotiation. Do you want to talk us through those?
- [15:34]
B
Yeah. In the. In the phases of what I've seen us navigate through, particularly in the context of our relationship to work, when we're in the beginning stage of negotiation, I like to call it, AKA navigation, we're kind of coming to the table on somebody else's terms, and we're really trying to sort through how we can succeed or figure out how we can advance within the context of someone else's standard and how do we do it with the least amount of risk. Right. And these are the places where we're doing a lot of trading, you know, and some trades are small and some trades are bigger. You know, whether it's a Trading of our time or energy, or whether it's a trading of the way we part our hair or the way we pronounce our name, I mean, you know, we could go on and on and on. So these trades, we're making them all the time. And so, you know, the negotiation stage is the navigation. The resignation stage is where we sort of either give up like this is the way it is, or we say peace out no more. And I think that that's the peace out side is sort of the stage of awakening. And then the renegotiation stage is where we start to really consider what is important to us, what is necessary for us. As we start to look at what it is that we really want and what it is that really matters. And we start to look at the contribution that we really want to make to our families, to ourselves, to our communities, to the organizations and infrastructures that we contribute to on a day to day.
- [17:03]
A
But of course, Ra, as you've pointed out, some of the barriers that are hardest to overcome are the ones that we've internalized inside ourselves. What is the first step to changing our own mindsets and accepting the possibility of change?
- [17:18]
B
Yeah. So in the renegotiation process, there are three stages that I say we move through. The first is reclamation. Right. And reclaiming. And that has everything to do with the stories. What are the stories that I've inherited? What are the stories that I've adopted or created myself? To what degree do they empower me to show up in the way that I want to show up? To what degree do they support my happiness, my well being, my thriving? And we have the opportunity to really determine which ones we want to continue to carry forward and which ones we might want to upgrade or refresh. The second aspect of renegotiation is realigning. And this is a really important one because this is rooted in our authenticity, which is actually a function of our energy. And so when we find that we are depleted, there's often some way in which we are out of alignment with ourselves and out of integrity with ourselves. And I say this with love and compassion, right? There are places where we're saying yes, where we know we really need to be saying no. There are things that we are tolerating and our environment that are really beyond or you know, have become intolerable. And they're places where we are not in our truth or we're not speaking our truth. And you know, there can be lots of reasons and justifications for that. So there's a reckoning with you and you. That kind of happens in the realignment process. And it is about coming back to your values. It is about coming back to your authentic self, and it is about coming back to what, what really matters to you. The third step is reimagination, which is really like once we get clear, you know, once we've kind of cleared the deck, we've realigned with our values, we've understood what's important. Now we get to ask ourselves, you know, if we had our way, what would it look like? You know, the who, what, when, where, how and why of how we'd like to be showing up, particularly as we think about the contribution that we most want to be making when it comes to our work and the way that we work.
- [19:16]
A
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- [21:23]
B
I would say definitely there are going to be places where you're going to want support. And whether that is a therapist, whether that is a coach, whether that just even is a career community, I find that this work is really powerful when you're doing it in partnership and collaboration with others, whether that are close professional friends or colleagues. There's something very powerful about being witnessed as you share your conversations and feeling the sense of not aloneness. And I think that's one of the biggest things that I want to underscore for people who might be inclined to pick up the book, given where they are right now in their life and their work. They is that you are so not alone in the book. I talk to everything from essential workers who are working during the heart of the pandemic to multinational CEOs, and I can tell you that the understandings, the places that they came to, the ways in which they came to their own renegotiation processes, interestingly, were not that different, even though their context would seem worlds apart. Right. There's something about the humanizing nature of what we experienced that had us all asking ourselves the same kinds of questions and had us all looking at the same kinds of opportunities and challenges as we start to consider these new terms. So doing it with support is wonderful and certainly the way to go.
- [22:48]
A
Rob, a title of the book is Intentional Ambition. So would you mind sharing with us what you defined as intentional ambition versus wounded ambition?
- [22:58]
B
Yeah, Wounded ambition really comes from adopting and aligning with standards and terms and conditions that have nothing to do with what you want and have nothing to do even sometimes with who you are. And many of us have had experiences in various contexts where we've done things to fit in that we've regretted, or where we've done things to fit in that we thought were going to benefit us in the long term. In other words, we made the short term sacrifice, hoping for the long term gain that ultimately never arrived. And so this internal reckoning becomes really important because when we understand that sometimes the playbooks that we've been handed and what we've been taught about what's necessary in order to succeed, not only in what we want, right, in terms of having that dictated to Us, but also how we go about achieving what we want. We can find that unfortunately, there's a lot of harm that takes place in that process. Harm we do to ourselves, harm we do to others intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. And part of being able to become intentional and become aware and become true about what's important to us is where we begin to gain our sense of self back, where we begin to gain a sense of agency back, where we begin to gain our sense of power back. It's also where we begin to expand our capacity to. To be able to contribute in ways that move the needle on the things that we're, you know, that we feel most passionate about. Yeah. So what is it to show up in organizations, excited, turned on, really ready to get to the work at hand, passionate about wanting to move the ball forward and bringing what you bring? And, and could that be. Could we see that as actually the possibility for the status quo instead of what it is that we're experiencing now?
- [25:08]
A
While we're on this topic of ambition, one of our TED members, Sofal E, asks a powerful question. He writes, how do you redefine ambition when your earliest ambitions were survival based in this case? Sofal is immigrant, refugee, first generation. How do you unlearn the belief that joy and rest are luxuries in instead of rights?
- [25:31]
B
It takes courage to confront what we've been given. And I talk about this a lot in the book because for me, my history would be chattel slavery. Right. In terms of exactly the way in which my, you know, ancestors and elders came to this country. And so that's a lot of pressure. And even it's difficult, Elise, because sometimes that pressure is applied by people who love us. Often it's applied by people who love us, who want us to succeed. And they need us to be tough and they need us to be resilient, and they need us to be all these things because of the nature of the world that they've inhabited and had to navigate in order to survive and thrive. And so getting out of survival and what does it require is not only a mental conversation. It is an emotional, it is a physiological conversation. And so we do have to come to the place of what are the ways in which we're nourishing ourselves in terms of self love and self care that enable us to move our nervous systems out of fight, flight and fawn and into grounding and peace and centering and clarity. And that inevitably requires slowing down. So when I say courage, having the courage to slow down, and dare I say, in some cases, having the courage to stop is one of the first steps in being able to start to unhook. Because often it isn't until we can slow down and stop that we can actually even see what's operating.
- [27:11]
A
Yeah, let's get practical though, because so many people are struggling right now. Whether they're struggling to find a job and feel like they have to take anything they can get, or they're working for jobs just to get, get by and feel like they don't have that extra time in order to slow down and get reflective and get clear, or they feel as though they can't quit a job they hate because of finances. What advice would you give to someone who knows they do want more alignment? They're listening to this conversation and they feel like, gosh, a lot of this tracks for me. But you know, there's lots of fears and practicalities around here that they feel like they just can't navigate a route.
- [27:51]
B
Yeah. I think the first thing is to even begin to let in to whatever degree that you can, that it is possible because it's exactly what you're saying. So much of what we get shown is that it isn't. And so the conversation of get practical, get pragmatic. Right. Let's get real has to do with the depth of our resignation and our cynicism about what's possible. Right, right. And so part of it is like the first step is we got to get with us and us and like look in the mirror and have a really honest conversation with yourself about like, what do you want to be possible and what are you willing to even like 1% believe could be possible? And how do you begin to start to walk towards what you think could be possible? The fear of slowing down is also prevalent because we're afraid that if we slow down, we have to confront how much we are afraid or how much we are concerned about our survival. But the truth of the matter is, unfortunately, until we can start to move out of survival, it is hard to believe or open up the idea that more things are possible. So often I even tell people, just start by walking. Start by just physiologically moving your body out of a place of fear and terror into a place of calm. Right. We talk about mindfulness, we talk about meditation, yoga, time in nature, engaging in sports. Right. My husband is crazy about pickleball. Right. So whatever those day to day activities, activities are that get you out of your head and into your body may be the beginnings of supporting this opportunity to start to really calm down and ground and then baby steps, you know, so some of it may be starting with a journal activity where you're just asking yourself in the morning, today, what is one thing I could do to bring more joy to my day? Maybe it's just 15 minutes with your kids throwing the ball back and forth in the driveway. Right. Maybe it's taking a real lunch today, like where you actually get up from your desk.
- [30:16]
A
You know what I mean?
- [30:17]
B
Right. Like, start with the very, very simple things, because the more that you can begin to nourish yourself and nurture yourself, the more space and room you'll begin to have to really imagine new possibilities. Possibilities.
- [30:36]
A
I love that.
- [30:37]
B
The challenge we face, and often what has people, I think, hold on so tight, Elise, is we believe that if we do this work is going to suffer. We believe that productivity is going to suffer. Now, we've got a ton of science out there that proves otherwise. Right. Like we. In other words, if you look at all the reports, if you look at the data, if you look at the gdp, right, in terms of, you know, there's been all kinds of stuff, studies that people who have a shorter work week actually achieve more. Productivity is actually higher if you're not dragging right yourself across the finish line. And so it is about the ingrained thinking and the opportunity to just begin to start to challenge some of those ideas that are rooted in the fact that we have to do it this way or no way at all.
- [31:31]
A
We talked earlier RA about indications that we're on maybe the wrong path or out of alignment. Another great question that we have from TED member Ryan S. Is, I think I know where I want my career to go, but I don't know how to get there. How do I know that I'm on the right path?
- [31:50]
B
So the first thing I'm going to say is once you have that clarity, you want to be starting to surround yourself with people who share those aspirations, who share those visions. So definitely looking for opportunities to gain new knowledge, looking for opportunities to be in dialogue. And whether that's in an online community or a physical community, I think the opportunity to start to share becomes really important. But I also want to say who. Who you share with becomes important. And I'll say a little bit more about what I mean. When we have a new idea or we have a dream or we have something that we aspire to, we will often find the most cynical person in our life to go and run it by. Right. And I'm just going to say, like, you know, I think about this in the analogy of our baby. Like, right. Like, would you let anybody hold your newborn baby? You know, and. And we want to consider that. That when we're birthing new ideas or when we're charting new paths, that it is really important that we get water and sunlight and that we surround ourselves with people who are going to encourage us even if they don't understand exactly what we're doing. If they're willing to say, I believe in you, and if you are passionate about it, go for it. Like, that goes a really long way.
- [33:11]
A
It absolutely does. I've certainly found that in my own life. Well, as we're talking about collaboration and connection, we have yet to talk about your phrase that you use called the scarcity scare. We're so conditioned to this narrative that there's not enough and not enough opportunity or work to go around. What could work and competition look like outside of this scarcity mindset?
- [33:37]
B
Yeah, I think it's the opportunity to let go of this belief that a loss for one is a gain for another. This is the zero sum mentality that unfortunately, we still are in many ways navigating. And so part of our opportunity is really to start to consider, like, what are the experiences that we've had in our lives of. Enough. You know, one of the things I share in the book is a story about traveling to Africa on a creative project many, many years ago. And we were working in a township outside of Nairobi, a really, really rough and difficult region and area. And we were, you know, probably 20 artists and musicians packed into this little like three room apartment complex. Right. Working on this collaborative album. And when it came time to eat, there was like just this crock pot. And every day they would, you know, come in for the market, we pull our money and put all our money together, and they would come back with like a few bushels of greens, some cornmeal, and a small piece of meat for flavoring. And the magic that Anthony was sort of our resident cook, and the magic that Anthony was able to create with that crock pot. But what was even more profound and moving was the assurance that everybody ate. Whether we had enough pots or dishes to go, it didn't matter. People shared plates, people spoon food into hands to ensure that everybody in the circle had something.
- [35:21]
A
Yeah.
- [35:22]
B
And anytime we've had those experiences where everybody's been seen and everybody's been cared for and catered to, in some level, they've been life changing for us.
- [35:33]
A
Yeah.
- [35:34]
B
So our opportunity is to start to look at, as we come into the spaces that we occupy as we have the ability to lead and influence in all of the ways that we can lead and influence outside of a title, how are we making room? How are we creating space where everybody can thrive and challenging the narrative that there has to be winners and losers? That's the biggest thing that I think we're healing and transforming right now.
- [36:01]
A
All right, Ross. Someone wrote in and said that they're in their mid-70s and felt like they didn't really have a story anymore. So I wonder how you would respond to this and to the question of having to reimagine your purpose at the end of a working life.
- [36:18]
B
Yeah. As I've been traveling the country, in addition to having the privilege to do platforms and stages very much like this one, we've been doing dinners in communities. And I will tell you, just two weeks ago, we were in Los Angeles with a community, and one of the gentlemen in the circle was turning 80, and he was pondering the very same question, because people were asking him over and over again, what, what does it feel like to be 80? And he noticed the automatic sort of temptation to want to go to his aches and pains. But one of the things that he recognized and said was, you know, I realize the time is a choice that I can make for myself, and I can decide what these next 10 years are going to be like. The last 10 years between 70 and 80 were amazing. And I think this idea that you can have more life and you can have more joy and you can be childlike even in your second or third act is another part of where I think we are, at least right now when we're considering. And so he said it took him a couple of weeks to really come up with a good answer. But he said, you know, when people now ask him, how does it feel to be 80? He says, Ask me when I'm 90, because then I can tell you all the great things I've done over the last 10 years. Right. So each moment discovering new things. So I want to invite your adventure, your sense of adventure, now more than ever, because you got a lot of wisdom to share, and you still probably have a lot of world to see. Giving yourself permission to do that.
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A
This conversation has been full of stories. And the stories that we tell ourselves, the ones that we inherit, the ones that we build and shape for ourselves after a renegotiation. So in the lead up to this conversation, ra, you shared a few questions with us for the TED community, and you asked, what is a story you tell yourself about your place in life or at work that's no longer serving you? What is the new story that you want to be able to tell instead? In what ways do you think you're struggling to get there? Really great prompt, very thoughtful. And before we share some of what y' all submitted, ra, do you mind just briefly sharing an example of your own story with us about a story that maybe stopped serving you and how you found your new one?
- [40:38]
B
Yeah, when I had my breakdown in 2017, one of the things that became really clear to me was that I was holding a narrative that said I was responsible for fixing everything that was wrong around me. And some of us may relate to this, right? You're known as the responsible one in your family. You're known as the one in your circle that always comes to the rescue with just the right thing for everything and everybody everywhere. And what I had to tell the truth about for myself was that it was exhausting. As much as I cared, and as much as I felt like I had to prove I cared, it was creating a life that was unmanageable for me because there was no way that I could be everywhere and be everything to everyone all of the time. It's just impossible.
- [41:29]
A
Yeah.
- [41:30]
B
And so the new story I had to create for myself was one that acknowledged that part of caring for the world is caring for myself too. And making sure that I could have what I needed to be healthy and thriving.
- [41:49]
A
Yeah.
- [41:49]
B
So that I could then make healthy choices about where I would show up and what was mine, while honoring and respecting what wasn't mine. So that was about setting boundaries. That was about really caring for me. And that new mantra, that new way of articulating that new narrative is what gave me the permission to start to do that.
- [42:17]
A
What a powerful unlock. That's awesome. Thank you for sharing and thank you to our TED community for submitting. We had so many thoughtful answers to this prompt and I wish we could share them all, but RA has reviewed them and chosen a few that she would like to respond to. So here's the first one from Azgush C. Who wrote I studied in the health department and graduated successfully. I've always cried when I was studying in that department because I wasn't happy, but I tried to keep going just because my family wanted me to. I was living for their pride and acceptance. After graduation I had major depression and stayed at a hospital for a while. After that I decided to live for myself. I started to study for my dream department and currently I'm a second grade university student at age 2627 in November. I feel like I'm a burden now because I'm not making money, I'm not working, but I can't find any job while studying. I want to have high grades, but sometimes I feel like I'm doing something wrong and I should just quit and start to work at any job. So I'm mostly struggling because of economic issues and the mental problems that the causes. Still I don't want to give up because I feel like life is a journey. Even if I'm late, even if I'm doing something wrong, I know that I will learn from it. And in the end I want to say I didn't give up and that I'm doing what makes me happy.
- [43:40]
B
Yeah. So the mantra that I would lovingly offer to you is one that invites you to believe that you can do what you love and that you can take care of yourself, like, be well taken care of in what you love. That doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice, that you can do work that you love, you can pursue the field that you love, and you can be well taken care of. The beauty is that you're in an environment, an educational environment, where you're learning. So one of the opportunities might be is to sit with other people who have done it, who has walked that path and who have created a career or a field of endeavor around that, and become curious about other people's paths and journeys who are in your field. But again, it starts with starting to work with that new narrative and that new conversation. Like, I can do what's passionate and moves my heart. I can work in the field that I want to work in, and I can take care of myself and I can be well supported and cared for as I do it.
- [45:00]
A
Thank you so much. Okay, our next one is from Kim H. Who wrote in and says the old story. I'm ready to change. I have to carry it all to make it matter. For years I've believed that my impact is directly tied to how much I shoulder alone, that if I slow down or ask for help, the vision will shrink or stall. This story has fueled progress, but also burnout, isolation, and a quiet fear that I'm always one step behind the new story. I'm building systems, teams and communities that let purpose move through me, not depend on me. I want to lead from a place of aligned energy, not obligation. I want my work to feel like a collaboration with life, not a fight against the clock. What's blocking me. I'm good at strategy and execution, but letting go of control, delegating deeply and truly trusting others with the mission still feels like a risk. I'm navigating how to release the martyr mindset while still holding the bar high. That's my edge right now.
- [46:03]
B
Yeah. So the mantra that you can walk with and start to work with is that I lead from inspiration and am fully supported by those around me. I lead with compassion and accountability that I can stand in excellence and be lovingly, joyfully met by those I collaborate with. And so again, the context in being able to utilize this mantra and stories then also invites you to be in transparent communication and explicit communication with the people that you're collaborating with. Sharing your fears, but also sharing your vision the way you'd like to work the way you'd like it to be, the places where you'd like to have them partner with you, hear their visions, what are their hopes around the way that they want to work, and in what way could they partner with you? And creating a shared vision and a shared commitment and a shared set of agreements that enables you to release more and allow more.
- [47:21]
A
Wonderful. Wonderful. Okay, one last one is from Jeanne J. Who writes Story no longer serving me is I've recognized a tendency to undervalue or minimize my own expertise and contributions, which has sometimes limited the recognition and opportunities available to me. New story I want to tell I'm stepping into a professional narrative of clarity, confidence and meaningful impact where my expertise and passion align seamlessly with abundant opportunities, career advancement and professional fulfillment.
- [47:54]
B
Mantra I stand in my value and I allow amazing opportunities to flow to me. I stand in my value and allow amazing opportunities to flow to me. The invitation here is to begin to recognize and even start to give voice to what it is that you uniquely bring. And this is an exercise to anyone who feels shy or insecure or nervous. Right? Many of us have been taught culturally not to toot our own horns. Anybody hear what I'm saying? And yet, when it comes to wanting to attract the kinds of opportunities that we want or the kinds of opportunities will make a difference to us, it's important that we be able to share what we bring, be able to recognize, be able to hold, humbly honor what we bring. And so the assignment is to actually write out, here's what I bring, here's what I want to bring. My passion, my skills, my talents, and then stand in. When I stand in my value, I allow amazing opportunities to flow to me. I love that.
- [49:13]
A
I love all these mantras. They're so helpful. Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful and important reflections. We have a few more minutes, so before we wrap, we have lots of questions from our members and that's how we will close out our hour as we typically do. Ra, are you ready?
- [49:31]
B
I'm ready.
- [49:32]
A
Okay. Manoj M. Asks, how can young leaders stay true to their purpose when the pressure to succeed often means compromising or playing it safe?
- [49:43]
B
This is a practice, and I'm going to say to you all when we're looking at bridging between the old reality and the new reality. There are four things that I think are crucial and I don't want to sugarcoat them. The first is courage. Being willing to step outside of our comfort zone, in contribution and in honor of the places where we want to grow the Second is patience. It may not happen overnight. Some things are going to move quicker than other things. Right? Some things are going to be a little bit more stubborn. But even if we can take baby steps in the directions of the changes we want to make, we're still moving, right? Any progress is still progress. The third is permission. Where are the places we're telling ourselves that we can't? And we've got lots of justifications and lots of experiences that reinforce that we can't. But again, where is one place where we can give ourselves permission to step outside of whatever narrative that's been keeping us boxed into a particular reality? Having integrity, operating in your values, Manoj, is the way in which we get to really show up more authentically as ourselves. It gives us more capacity to lead and we can do that in a way that's not antagonistic. The fourth and final thing is practice. So every day, what can I practice that brings me more joy, more peace, more freedom, more clarity, more fulfillment? One thing every day, what can I practice? Yeah.
- [51:29]
A
Wanderley D asks, how do we achieve success in light of fast paced trends? How can we really be seen outside of social media?
- [51:41]
B
So the first one in terms of trends is the opportunity to really ground in what is most meaningful to you. Sometimes there are aspects of trends that can be very insane, inspiring and sometimes there are aspects of trends which we know can be very alienating. And so part of it is really looking at when I think about my own creativity and I think about my own imagination, are there things that I want to co create with, but I want to find how to do them my way, which is often what I hear, Elise. Right. Like I'm not mad at AI necessarily. Right. But some of us might be. But I want to figure out how to do it my way, you know? Right. And what is my way? So there's something about giving yourself permission to really approach whatever may be new or hot or interesting in a way that really invites your authenticity to the table and your clarity to the table. The second part is, and I think that this is going to become more and more the case. Coming back to being in community, being in circle, we respect and appreciate that social has a role to play. There are ways in which we get access to things we wouldn't in an online world. But there also is something about sitting in the grass, right. With your local community walk neighborhood group. Right. There's something about being with people in shared space that also is an important aspect to your life and not underestimating the value of being seen and the value of having that human to human, in person connection.
- [53:25]
A
Okay, lovely. Jennifer S. Asks, achieving can be fun. How do we aim for that fun level without spilling over to an unhealthy level of achievement? Underachieving can feel unfulfilling.
- [53:40]
B
Yeah. Pay attention to your energy. This is the alignment conversation. There's nothing wrong with purposeful effort. There's nothing wrong with inspirational pursuit. But if it gets to a point where you find you're dragging yourself or you find you're beating up on yourself, or you find you're putting undue pressure on yourself and it's producing anxiety or it's producing fear, it's producing doubt, I'm going to say you're a little over your edge. And this is a beautiful distinction that comes from the work of Gail Straub and David Gershon called the Growing Edge, which is we find that place where we're ripe and ready for the change. In other words, we're not forcing anything, which takes us into terror and constriction, but we're also not hanging out in our comfort zone. So where is that place that you just enough of a stretch right where you're leaning in, it's uncomfortable, it's new, you're figuring things out. There's excitement, there's a sense of adventure, there's curiosity, there's awe, there's wonder. And then noticing when it tips for you, either direction, that you have the opportunity to start to recalibrate.
- [54:55]
A
Yeah. Okay, we have time for one more question, so I will ask it for Tarla W. Who asks. Staying intentionally ambitious right now can be challenging for even generally optimistic people. What might be the most fundamental practices to stay on a positive path. So this is an opportunity for you to kind of recap for us too, Rob.
- [55:17]
B
Yeah. Do the things that ground you, that center you, that bring you peace, whether that is knitting or walking or just looking out the window or staring at the water or walking by the beach. Those small, simple things that give you a sense of perspective that ground and center your energy, that regulate your nervous system, that invite you to really get to a place of quietude where you can really listen and hear your own wisdom and clarity and the guidance that often comes from the ability to step back and regroup. Regrouping is imperative. I can't say that enough, right? At least regrouping is imperative. So my daily practice, journaling, prayer, meditation, my evening practice, time in nature. I walk along the water, I look at the trees, I look at the flowers, I look at the sun, and it gives me the opportunity to reflect and decompress from the whirlwind of the day to day. The more that we can be grounded and centered, the more that we get the guidance we need to be able to make the choices and decisions we need to make in a day to day.
- [56:47]
A
Let's stay on you for one last question from me, ra, which is what is the mantra that's keeping you going right now? You've offered so many to our listeners, but what about you?
- [57:01]
B
I have post its you all can't see this, but on my wall I have mantras and different post its that I've looked at at and one of my favorite particularly because this was a tough week for me. Joy is always my destination. So like no matter where I'm at, no matter where I'm feeling, give myself permission to feel it. But I ultimately know that joy is my destination, that this is where I'm going and that allows me to let the experience move through and keep on moving.
- [57:34]
A
Beautiful. Beautiful. Thank you so much to Raw Goddess for this incredibly moving and motivating conversation. I have personally learned so much. I'm sure our listeners have too. Raw Goddess thank you, thank you.
- [57:48]
B
Thank you so much Elise. It's been my pleasure. Thank you so much TED Family. Really been a joy to be with you today.
- [57:59]
A
That was Raw Goddess in conversation with me, Elise Hu, for the TED Talks Daily Book Club. This conversation was hosted in partnership with our TED Membership team. Thank you to our wonderful TED members for joining our live virtual event. To watch the conversation on video, visit ted.com finally, if you want to be part of our next live book club event, sign up for a ted membership@go.ted.com membership. You'll get live access to free virtual podcast recording sessions and the chance to ask writers like R.A. your burning questions. And that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced by Lucy Little. The TED Talks Daily team includes Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene and Tanzika Sangmarn. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniella Balarezo. I'm Elise Hunter. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening this back to school.
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