The counterintuitive secret of leadership | Jessica Kriegel

Summary

TED Talks Daily — "The Counterintuitive Secret of Leadership" | Jessica Kriegel
Date: May 30, 2026
Host: Elise Hu
Speaker: Jessica Kriegel, Workplace Culture Expert

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Episode Overview

This episode features workplace culture expert Jessica Kriegel, who shares a transformative approach to leadership: surrender. Challenging the traditional "command and control" style, Kriegel argues that the most effective leaders—those who consistently drive results—are not the ones who try to control every detail, but those who strategically let go. Drawing on empirical research and vivid anecdotes, she reveals that surrender is not weakness, but a radical, actionable strategy for leaders seeking to build adaptive, high-performing cultures.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Illusion of Control in Leadership

• Only Control What You Can:
  • Kriegel opens by dismantling the common leadership instinct to control every aspect of work.
  • Quote: “The reality is control is an illusion. You can't control anything outside of yourself. The only thing you can control is the way that you show up.” (02:42)
• Leaders often react to rising demands by doubling down on micromanagement, though it stifles adaptability and connection.

2. The Counterintuitive Power of Surrender

• Redefining Surrender:
  • Surrender isn't passivity or resignation; it's “a radical acceptance of what you need to do in that moment that you actually have control of.” (03:17)
• Kriegel illustrates surrender in real-time by pausing her talk until someone interrupts, showing how letting go creates new, co-created dynamics.
  • Quote: “What happened in that moment? I stepped back...and a new dynamic was created and we did something different...we co-created this moment together.” (04:31)

3. Adaptability is the Key to Success

• Research Backing the Approach:
  • Kriegel references a Stanford Graduate Business School study of 243 companies, which found “adaptive companies outperformed control companies by three times over the course of three years.” (06:02)
• The way to build an adaptive culture isn’t through top-down decrees about adaptability, but through awareness of the leader’s own role in shaping experiences and beliefs.

4. Experiences Shape Beliefs, and Beliefs Drive Actions

• How Change Actually Happens:
  • Leaders mistakenly try to change results by forcing new processes or tracking KPIs, but “people will act in alignment with what they believe.” (07:54)
  • Quote: “If you want to change their behavior, you have to shift what it is that they believe. And...I can't control your beliefs...But what I can do is create an experience...that will shift your belief.” (08:13)
• Adaptive leadership means intentionally crafting experiences that nudge beliefs, rather than trying to force external change directly.

5. Real-World Examples of Surrender in Action

• Case Study 1: Layoffs Through Transparency

  • As CHRO, Kriegel faced mandated layoffs. Instead of secretive, top-down planning, she brought employees into the process immediately:
    • Quote (on her team): “I gathered everyone together and I said, I've just been told that we need to lay off 20% of the workforce. And I don't know who yet...but we're going to be figuring that out and I'm going to let you know every step of the way.” (09:37)
  • The transparency led to voluntary departures and eventually meant no forced layoffs—the organization “right sized itself.”

• Case Study 2: The Ocean Spray 'Chainsaw Moment'

  • A plant manager named Tim entered the worst-performing Ocean Spray plant. Instead of imposing new rules, he recognized employees were resentful of management’s privilege.
    • Quote (on Tim’s move): “Tim gets everyone outside...brings a chainsaw and chainsaws down every single reserved for manager parking sign. And then he looked at them and he said, park wherever you want. Let’s go back to work.” (11:28)
  • The act catalyzed trust and a new sense of adaptability. Injury rates dropped by 75%, costs decreased, and the plant became the company’s best performer.

6. Surrender Is Not Weakness—It’s Strategic

• Surrender, especially for leaders, can feel risky or vulnerable. The military metaphor—waving a white flag—is misleading.
  • Quote: “I’m not suggesting you give up. I’m suggesting you give up the illusion of control, which you never really had in the first place, and point it towards mastering yourself.” (13:00)
• Even the Navy SEALs, Kriegel notes, live by “control the controllables—and stop trying to control the uncontrollables.” (13:24)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Co-Creation:
  • “We did something different. We co-created this moment together.” (04:54)
• On Adaptive vs. Control Cultures:
  • “Adaptive cultures win, not control cultures.” (05:56)
• On Leadership Impact:
  • “As a leader, you are responsible for creating experiences that will shape the beliefs of those around you.” (13:05)
• On Taking the Leap:
  • “Try surrender. It is uncomfortable sometimes and it can feel like a risk. But every great breakthrough came when someone was willing to take a risk. So take a risk today. Surrender to lead.” (14:26)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:04-00:47 — Introduction by Elise Hu & Jessica Kriegel’s thesis on leadership
• 02:42-03:17 — Opening reflection, preparation, and the illusion of control
• 03:17-04:54 — Real-time surrender demonstration
• 05:56-06:30 — Research insights: Adaptive vs. control cultures
• 07:54-09:37 — Shifting beliefs vs. controlling actions
• 09:37-11:23 — CHRO layoff story: Surrender through radical transparency
• 11:28-13:00 — Ocean Spray “chainsaw moment” & impact
• 13:24-14:26 — Military and Navy SEALs: Surrender as resilience, final call to action

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Closing

Jessica Kriegel’s powerful talk reframes surrender not as a failure of leadership, but as an act of courage and wisdom. Her message: stop wasting energy trying to control the uncontrollable, and use it to show up authentically, create trust, and empower belief-driven action. The best leaders surrender, adapt, and inspire others to do the same.

Recommended Action:
Experiment with surrender in your leadership style—focus on shaping experiences, not enforcing outcomes.

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[End of summary]

Transcript

[Elise Hu]

You're listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host. Elise Hut's not a word most leaders want to associate with their leadership style. But workplace culture expert Jessica Kriegel thinks it might be the most powerful tool they're not using. She has the data to back it up.

[Jessica Kriegel]

The reality is control is an illusion. You can't control anything, anything outside of yourself. The only thing you can control is the way that you show up.

[Elise Hu]

In this talk, Jessica makes the case that the leaders who drive the best results aren't the ones who control the most. They're the ones who surrender not in weakness, but in strategy. Because sometimes the most powerful thing a leader can do is let go.

[Jessica Kriegel]

To surrender is not passive. It is not giving up. It is a radical acceptance of what you need to do in that moment that you actually have control of.

[Elise Hu]

That's coming up right after a short break.

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[Jessica Kriegel]

Trust.

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[Elise Hu]

And now our TED Talk of the Day.

[Jessica Kriegel]

Every time I give one of these talks, I have a routine, okay? I start by showing up early and I do the sound check, I get the mic and then I go in the halls and I walk around and I look at the audience because I want to get a sense of the vibe. And really where my mind starts to go is I prepare. You know, I get backstage, I sit down, and I start to think about all the things that I wish were a little bit different. You know, the things that are, they would be better if they were my way. So I wish the room was a little bit cooler. I wish the stage was a little bit bigger. I wish that the audience didn't look so hungover now. You guys look great. Not you. Sometimes, though, they look hungover and I get worried and I start focusing on all of the things that I can't control because ultimately I want to do a good job. You know, I'm a keynote speaker and I've been hired to show up and perform and drive results. And I'm worried that all these things might prevent me from doing that. And for leaders, you can probably relate because this is actually a very natural coping mechanism to being under pressure. You, as a leader have to drive results. It is harder than it ever has been to get results. Right now you have increasing shareholder expectations at the same time as employee expectations are increasing. The rapid pace of change. The workforce generally is shifting so quickly. And yet you, as a leader, you still gotta get those results. And so leaders tend to focus on what it is that they have to do to make it work. And they think about what they have to manage, every detail that they need to adjust the processes and the really, the people, what they need to do differently. But the reality is control is an illusion. You can't control anything outside of yourself. The only thing you can control is the way that you show up. So what if instead of trying to force the world to fit into the way that you would like it to be, we tried something radical and unconventional. We tried surrender. Now, surrender can feel like a touchy feely word, especially when we're talking about leaders driving results. But. But let me demonstrate surrender right now in this talk. Okay, I am going to surrender. I'm gonna stop talking and be quiet until someone says, now, now. Oh, that was fast. Well, thank you. It was so much easier than I thought it was gonna be. And that's kind of the point of surrender. I was thinking you guys might take 30 seconds and make me stand here quietly and it's uncomfortable to surrender. That's part of the point. That's part of why it's so hard to. To surrender. But what happened in that moment? I stepped back and you, sir, you stepped in. And a new dynamic was created and we did something different. And we co created this moment together. The problem with the control mindset is that it doesn't drive results because it chokes adaptability. And adaptive cultures win, not control cultures. I studied this with Stanford Graduate Business School a couple years ago. We looked at 243 companies. We looked at their purpose and their strategy, their culture, and obviously their results. And we wanted to know which kinds of companies won. And the companies that outperformed all other types were the adaptive companies. They outperformed control companies by three times over the course of three years, their revenue growth was significantly higher. So how do you create an adaptive culture? That is the question. Well, it's not by telling everyone that we're going to be adaptive now and controlling the adaptability of the room. Right. And the way that you create an adaptive culture is by understanding your role in the co creation of it. So to surrender is not passive, it is not giving up. It is a radical acceptance of what you need to do in that moment that you actually have control of. Now we know that results come from actions. People are trying to drive results by focusing on the actions that people are taking, which is that control mentality. But most leaders, they think that if they want to change those actions, they have to implement a bunch of processes and procedures and maybe new workflows, have a bunch of meetings, do KPIs and dashboards. And when you take that approach, you are in that control mindset. And what I found in 20 years of consulting is that people don't change because you implemented new processes. People will act in alignment with what they believe. And so if you want to change their behavior, you have to shift what, what it is that they believe. And once again, I can't control your beliefs. Right. I can't say, okay, you're now going to be comfortable with risk taking. Thank you. That doesn't happen. But what I can do is I can create an experience which I control that will shift your belief. And that belief will have you then proactively choose to take a new action which will drive a result. So what does it look like in action? I will give you an example from years ago. I was hired to be the chro, the head of HR for a technology company. And I had just had this personal moment of transformation in which I was embracing surrender in life and I wanted to try it at work. And so what happened was I got this new job, I went to my first board meeting. I felt very special being there. And the board let us know that we had to lay off 20% of the workforce. And I was in charge. Surrender. So I show up and I'm trying to figure out what to do. And let me tell you how layoffs typically go in corporate America. The executives know that it's happening months before anyone else, and they control the process, they control the narrative. They get into rooms and they meet and they discuss who are we going to lay off and how many people, and how is that going to affect the budget and how are we going to control the narrative? And then when are we going to announce it? And then they drop the ax and then they deal with the fallout. But I wanted to surrender. And so I asked myself what surrender would look like in that moment. Not controlling everyone else, but making a choice about the experience that I could create. And so I showed up the next day at work, day after the board meeting, and I gathered everyone together and I said, I've just been told that we need to lay off 20% of the workforce. And I don't know who yet, and I don't know when exactly, but we're going to be figuring that out and I'm going to let you know every step of the way. That was an experience that I created in that moment that shifted the beliefs of the people that worked on that team. Now, some of the people's beliefs that shifted were, I gotta go get a job, right? They started applying for jobs and then they left. Other people, though, were really grateful for the transparency. And it was something that they hadn't experienced before. And so they said, you know what? I want to stay here and work with someone who's going to tell me the truth and walk through the front door. You can't mismanage the truth. And you know what happened after the next couple of months, as we watched people leave the organization, we realized we didn't even have to do layoffs because the company had right sized itself. And people who left, they left of their own accord, on their own terms. And the people who stayed, they were with us. They were ready to adapt to the business circumstances because they knew that we had them. Here's another example. This was from one of our clients. It was Ocean Spray. This was years ago. They had multiple plants, and one plant was in Kenosha, Wisconsin, and it was the worst performing plant in the entire company. So they hired a new guy named Tim to come in. He was the plant manager and his job was to turn it around. And Tim was a surrendered leader, so he was not interested in the command and control approach. And he showed up and he was Looking at, I mean, they had the highest costs in the system. They had high injury rates. They had hostile union relations. And Tim came in and he said, what can I do to change the situation? He didn't come in. A lot of plant managers would come in and they would start talking about what you guys need to do differently. I have to act right. If we don't turn this around, we're going to have to close the plant. We're going to implement a bunch of new processes and procedures. We're going to have meetings and make sure that you're on track. Right? That's the command and control approach. But Tim surrendered, and he asked himself, what are the beliefs that people have at this plant that need to shift? And the belief that he identified was largely resentment. I mean, there was distrust between the employees and the leaders. And he could understand why, because when the plant workers would show up in the morning, they would walk past all of the empty parking spaces that were reserved for managers that weren't even there yet, because they don't show up until 9am when the office day started. So imagine that experience that's being created for those plant workers. So Tim gets everyone outside, and he says, come on, everyone. We have a meeting outside. Goes in the parking lot, literally brings a chainsaw and chainsaws down and every single reserved for manager parking sign. And then he looked at them and he said, park wherever you want. Let's go back to work. That was a powerful chainsaw moment of surrender, right? And what it did was it shifted the beliefs. There was more work to be done, obviously. But the belief began to shift in which people said, okay, this is different. These leaders, they do not. I can trust them. I can trust this guy. Let me see what I can do to adapt, to turn this around. They ended up reducing injuries by 75%. Their costs went down. They went from the worst, almost shutting down plant to the number one plant in the entire Ocean Spray ecosystem. Because Tim surrendered, he didn't show up and say, what do you guys got to do differently? How do I wish it was different than the way that it was? Now think of all the energy that you spend. Spend wishing things were different, wishing that they were your way so that you can be more comfortable. And there are a lot of people who don't like the word surrender because it can feel kind of weak, right? Especially military people. It conjures up images of waving the white flag and giving up. But I'm not suggesting that you give up. I'm suggesting that you give up the Illusion of control, which you never really had in the first place. And you take all of that energy that you're spending in that and you point it towards mastering yourself. The way you respond, the way you show up, especially as a leader, when you are responsible for creating experiences that will shape the beliefs of those around you. Now, the Navy SEALs have a saying which is control the controllables. But there is a corollary. The hidden message within that is also, and stop trying to control the uncontrollables, right? So the Navy seals know they can't control what their brother does. They can't control what the orders are that they've been given. They can't control if the equipment malfunctions. They can't control what the enemy's doing. And when the chopper is going down in enemy territory, they're not going down thinking, well, I wish it was different. Wait, hold on. We shouldn't be here, right? They are focused on what do I need to do to adapt in this moment and respond and show up. They are experts in surrender. So my invitation to you is to experiment with surrender, letting go, the illusion of control, and focus on the experiences that you're creating that will shift and shape the beliefs of those around you that you're there to influence and to support. That will ultimately allow them to make different choices about the actions that they want to take. Because they've got free will, you can't control them. I understand for leaders it's hard to understand because you've been given the title of manager and director. And so it feels like it's my job to tell everyone what to do. I. But ultimately they're only going to do it if they believe in it. And that is how you drive results within teams of organizations. So try surrender. It is uncomfortable sometimes and it can feel like a risk. But every great breakthrough came when someone was willing to take a risk. So take a risk today. Surrender to lead. And once more, as I finish this talk, I'm going to hand it over to you. What will you do with it? Thank you.

[Elise Hu]

That was Jessica Kriegel at TEDx Southlake in Dallas, Texas in 2025. If you're curious about Ted's curation, find out [e-mail] curationguidelines and that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This talk was fact checked by the TED research team and produced and edited by our team. Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little and Tansika Sangmarni Vong. This episode was mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Balaurazo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening. This episode is brought to you by the world's leading ESIM brand, Airalo. When I travel, I don't want to just see a new place. I want to engage with it. It's often the small, unexpected moments that stay with us. The cafe you stumble into, the conversation you didn't plan for, the turn that leads somewhere surprising. Airalo makes it easier to stay connected to those moments. You can activate your ESIM and get online the moment you land. No swapping SIM cards, no searching for WI fi and no hidden fees. With unlimited data and reliable coverage through top local carriers, you can explore freely and use your phone the way you do at home. It's a simple way to stay connected so you can experience more of wherever you're traveling. To get unlimited data this [e-mail] that's a I R A L O.com guys,

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