The fine art of fibbing | Athena Kugblenu

Summary

Podcast Summary: TED Talks Daily – "The Fine Art of Fibbing" by Athena Kugblenu

Release Date: June 6, 2025

In this engaging episode of TED Talks Daily, comedian, writer, and podcaster Athena Kugblenu delves into the nuanced world of lying. Titled "The Fine Art of Fibbing," Kugblenu explores the multifaceted nature of lies in our everyday lives, distinguishing between harmless fibs and detrimental deceit. Her talk is a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and insightful observations, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of why we lie and how to navigate the moral landscape of deception.

---

1. The Universality of Lying

Kugblenu opens her talk by asserting the inevitability of lying in human interactions:

"Absolutely no one on this planet could live without lying." (03:45)

She emphasizes that lying is a universal trait, present in various forms across different cultures and societies. Whether it's a simple "I'm fine" or a more elaborate fabrication, lying serves as a tool for navigating social complexities.

---

2. The Functions of Lies

Delving deeper, Kugblenu categorizes lies based on their intent and impact:

• Protective Lies: Used to shield oneself or others from uncomfortable truths.

  "Sometimes lying is the right thing to do." (05:30)

• Avoidance Lies: Help bypass unwanted responsibilities or conversations.

  "It can keep us in denial of our responsibilities." (04:15)

• Harmful Lies: Deceptive acts that manipulate or cause harm to others.

  "It's a bad lie. You should not get married for money." (09:50)

Kugblenu illustrates these categories with relatable scenarios, highlighting how lies can range from benign to severely detrimental.

---

3. The Concept of Fib Literacy

A central theme of Kugblenu's talk is the idea of "fib literacy"—the ability to discern the nature and intent behind a lie. She proposes a simple yet effective question to gauge the morality of a lie:

"Ask yourself who will benefit." (08:10)

By evaluating the beneficiaries of a potential lie, individuals can better navigate ethical dilemmas associated with deception. Kugblenu provides practical examples to demonstrate this approach:

• Good Lie Example:

  "You're furious, you're incensed, but you say, I'm not mad. That could be a good lie." (07:25)

  Scenario: You arrive home late and lie about your anger to maintain harmony in your relationship.

• Bad Lie Example:

  "They say, I'm good to drive. It's okay. It's a short drive. ... That is a bad lie." (08:45)

  Scenario: Assuring an intoxicated friend that it's safe to drive, potentially endangering lives.

---

4. Societal Implications of Lying

Kugblenu extends the discussion to societal-level consequences of deception:

"Who benefited when lenders believed what the borrowers were telling them?" (10:20)

She draws parallels between everyday lies and larger societal issues like the mortgage crisis and public health misinformation. By illustrating how accumulated lies can lead to significant systemic failures, Kugblenu underscores the importance of fib literacy not just individually but collectively.

---

5. Distinguishing Between Acceptable and Unacceptable Lies

Emphasizing moral discernment, Kugblenu differentiates between lies that uphold social grace and those that undermine trust:

• Acceptable Lies:

  "Oh, I love that present you bought me. Thank you." (11:15)

  Usage: Complimenting a gift to honor the giver's effort.

• Unacceptable Lies:

  "You should not get married for money. Right? You should get married for a Netflix password." (10:50)

  Usage: Deceptive statements that manipulate others for personal gain.

She advocates for a balanced approach, where individuals strive to preserve social harmony without compromising ethical standards.

---

6. Personal Reflections and Humor

Kugblenu intertwines humor with her insights, making the discussion both entertaining and thought-provoking. She shares personal anecdotes, such as her method of encouraging her children to brush their teeth by threatening to "throw their iPad in the bin," which she admits is a harmless fib. Her light-hearted delivery ensures that the audience remains engaged while contemplating the deeper implications of her message.

"We're actually very skillful in deceit. What we need to get more skillful in is determining the difference between the acceptable and unacceptable lie." (11:50)

---

7. Conclusion: Building Resilience to Deception

In wrapping up, Kugblenu reinforces the importance of fib literacy as a means to build resilience against manipulation and deceit. She encourages listeners to continually assess the motivations behind their lies and to strive for honesty where it truly matters.

"We cannot vaccinate ourselves from lies, but by asking the question, who will benefit? We can build resilience to deception." (11:00)

Her concluding remarks serve as a call to action for individuals to become more mindful of their use of lies, fostering a more truthful and transparent society.

---

Timestamp References:

• 03:45 – Universality of lying
• 04:15 – Lies keeping us in denial
• 05:30 – Protective lies
• 07:25 – Good lie example
• 08:10 – Fib literacy question
• 08:45 – Bad lie example
• 09:50 – Societal implications
• 10:20 – Mortgage crisis analogy
• 10:50 – Unacceptable lies
• 11:00 – Resilience to deception
• 11:15 – Acceptable lies example
• 11:50 – Summary on acceptable vs. unacceptable lies

---

Athena Kugblenu's talk is a compelling exploration of the intricate dance between truth and deception. By blending humor with profound insights, she offers listeners a roadmap to navigate the ethical complexities of lying, ultimately advocating for a more discerning and honest approach to interpersonal interactions.

Transcript

[Elise Hu]

Hey, TED Talks Daily listeners, It's Elise. Thank you for making this show part of your daily routine. We really appreciate it and we want to make it even better for you. So we put together a quick survey and we'd love to hear your thoughts. It's listener survey time. It only takes a few minutes, but it really helps us shape the show and get to know you, our listeners, so much better. Head to the episode description to find the link to the listener survey with we would really appreciate you doing it. Thank you so much for taking the time to help the show. You're listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas and conversations to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hume. We all tell little white lies sometimes. Is that okay? This comedic talk is all about, well, lying. Comedian, writer and podcaster Athena Kugblenu lays it all out for us. The good lies, the honest lies, the silly lies, the important lies. And of course the bad ones are thrown in there too. I won't give anything else away. I'll just say, honestly, this isn't one to miss.

[Verizon]

Now at Verizon, we have some big news for your peace of mind. For all our customers, existing and new, we're locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on MyPlan and my home. That's future. You peace of mind and everyone can save on a brand new phone on MyPlan. When you trade in any phone from one of our top brands, that's new phone piece of mind because of Verizon. Whether you're already a customer or you're just joining us, we got you. Visit Verizon today. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

[Lumen]

This episode is sponsored by Lumen. Your metabolism is like your body's engine. It powers everything you do from how you move to how you feel. And when it's running smoothly, you feel the difference. More energy, Better sleep. Improved recovery. Lumen is the world's first handheld metabolic coach that helps you understand what your body is burning fats or carbs just by breathing into it each morning. Then the app gives you daily nutrition guidance personalized to your body's needs. This summer, stay in sync with your metabolism and feel your best, whether you're active, resting or anything in between. The warmer months are coming. Spring back into your health and fitness. Go to Lumen Me ted to get 10% off your lumen. That's L U M E n meted for 10% off your purchase. Thank you Lumen for sponsoring this Episode.

[Elise Hu]

This episode is sponsored by Simplisafe. If you're thinking about upgrading your home security, I cannot recommend Simplisafe enough. I've been using it and their new active guard outdoor protection is seriously next level. AI powered cameras. Plus real live agents keeping an eye on things outside before anything bad happens. It it's not just reacting after the fact. If someone's lurking, Simplisafe steps in. Agents can talk to them, flip on spotlights, even call the police. It's like having an extra set of eyes watching over your home. For me, it's become a nightly ritual. Setting the system before bed and knowing everything's protected. Total peace of mind. You can get 50% off your new Simplisafe system with professional monitoring and your first month [e-mail] TED Talks Daily. That's simplisafe.com TEDTalks Talks Daily there's no safe like Simplisafe.

[Athena Kugblenu]

I could not live without lying. I'm British. If you ask me how I am, I will always say I'm fine. I could have just stubbed my toe. I could have lost all my money on cryptocurrency. But don't worry, I'm fine. It's not just us. Absolutely no one on this planet could live without lying. Imagine telling the truth when your doctor asks you how much alcohol you drink in a week on average. I'll give you a figure. But it will be my weekend average. I told you, I'm British. We drink our alcohol in pint glasses. If you don't know what a pint glass is, it's a glass you can fit your fist into. Lying is useful. It can keep us in denial of our responsibilities. It can help us avoid protracted conversations we don't want to have. Sometimes lying is the right thing to do. God forbid you should ever find me underneath the wheels of a bus. For goodness sake, do not tell me the truth. Tell me for a fact you know that I'm going to be okay. Okay. Don't accurately list all the bones in my body that are broken. Tell me that I am going to make it to watch the next Avatar movie. Give me hope. We tend to think of lying as something bad people do to manipulate us when they want us to believe something that isn't true. When most of the time for the day to day lies. It's just nice, ordinary people lying. Because in that moment it's easier than telling the truth. For example, oh, I'll be there in five minutes when you haven't left the house yet, have you? Oh, this is a good one. I've read the terms and conditions. No one reads the terms and conditions. I've got a three year old and a five year old, okay? Kids that age, I don't know why they don't like to brush their teeth. So to get my kids to brush their teeth, I say, do you want me to throw your iPad in the bin? Do you want me to put it in the bin? It's a lie. I'm not going to put their iPad in the bin. But there's two stereotypes about British people. One about the state of our teeth and one about the state of our drinking. Okay? I only want them to fall into one of those stereotypes. So I lie to get them to brush their teeth and it works. And of course it's a lie. I'm not going to put the iPad in the bin. No warranty will give me my money back because my kids are naughty and it's my iPad. I think the trick is to ask this question, am I lying for my good or for someone else's good? I wrote a children's book about lies. I combed history for lies that are well established as untrue because I want to find that line between the kind of lie we tell every day and the kind of lie we'd like to distance ourselves from. The kind of lie that you might tell a bride when you say, I love the bridegroom dress you chose. It's just my color. It's hideous. But that's a good lie. It's not about you. It's about the bride. It's her day, should have dresses she wants. Or they're the kind of lie you tell to the elderly billionaire you're about to marry when you say you love them. That's a bad lie. You should not get married for money. Right? You should get married for a Netflix password. I think it's a selfish lies we need to deal with, okay? The kind of lies that might make people money, the kind of lies that might harm others, the kind of lies that might win people votes. We need to get better at distinguishing between the acceptable lies and the unacceptable lies. And the way to do this is to get fib literate. Want to be qualified in fibs? Ask yourself this question. When you're given the opportunity to lie or when you've been given information and you're not sure it's true, ask yourself who will benefit. Some examples. You get home late, you're tired, your partner was supposed to put the bins out they have not. Worse, they're going to go out and you're going to have to do the job yourself. And before they leave, they ask you, are you mad? You're furious, you're incensed, but you say, I'm not mad. That could be a good lie. Okay, they can take the bins out next week. It's not a big deal. You're furious because you're tired, it's not a big deal. That's a good lie. Who benefits from that lie? Both of you in that relationship. Another example, you've gone out with your friend, you've gone to the club, your friend has driven whilst in the club. They've drunk five pints of wine on the way out the club. They say, I'm good to drive. It's okay. It's a short drive. We barely have to do two right turns. It's not a problem. I'll get you home. That is a bad lie. Okay? Who's going to benefit from that lie? Nobody that could harm others. The key to fib literacy is to apply the question who will benefit to any scenario? Take the mortgage crisis. Who benefited when lenders believed what the borrowers were telling them? Who benefited when everyone believed the lenders, when they acted British and said, oh, we're fine, nothing to see here. The lies were building up like dirty laundry until the stench became too bad to ignore. Or take smoking. Who benefited when they lied about our ill health? They made smoking look so cool with their lies. Imagine that picture of Audrey Hepburn in that iconic picture from Breakfast at Tiffany's with a vape. We wouldn't change that cigarette for anything, but it's still a bad lie. The act of lying is a necessity that we need to use, and it's an act of social grace. Oh, I love that present you bought me. Thank you. Your cooking tastes delicious. We're actually very skillful in deceit. What we need to get more skillful in is determining the difference between the acceptable and unacceptable lie. We cannot vaccinate ourselves from lies, but by asking the question, who will benefit? We can build resilience to deception. I feel very bad to tell you all that we're all on the lion train, but the question is, are you going to get off on the good stop or the bad stop? You're right not to lie. That was a terrible analogy. It was terrible. I'm sorry, but you get what I mean. And I'd like to take this moment to say this is an absolute honour. Thank you, Ted, for giving me the greatest moment of my life. No, no, no. Sit down. Sit down, love. Sit down, love. That was a lie. I'm sorry. It wasn't the greatest moment of my life. Do you want to know what the greatest moment of my life was or still is? Do you know what the greatest moment of my life is? Yeah. Once I got given a hotel breakfast for free. It was a pretty good moment. Pretty good moment. But this comes close. Thank you.

[Elise Hu]

That was Athena Kugblenu at TED Next in 2024. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out [e-mail] curationguidelines and that's it for today's show. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar and Tonsika Sarmarnivon. It was mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Ballarezzo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.

[Verizon]

Now at Verizon, we have some big news for your peace of mind. For all our customers, existing and new, we're locking in low prices for three years guaranteed on MyPlan and my home. That's future you peace of mind and everyone can save on a brand new phone on MyPlan. When you trade in any phone from one of our top brands, that's new phone peace of mind. Because at Verizon, whether you're already a customer or you're just joining us, we got you. Visit Verizon today. Price guarantee applies to then current base monthly rate. Additional terms and conditions apply for all offers.

[LiverMD]

Here's a wake up call. Right now your liver is filtering everything from fast food to fancy drinks. But there's a game changer that 3.5 million people are talking about. It's called LiverMD. 80% of LiverMD users saw significant improvements in their liver test results plus better energy digestion and less bloating. Backed by clinical research and trusted by health professionals, physician formulated LiverMD takes liver care to the next level with seven clinically studied ingredients at their clinically effective dosages. For real powerful results, from happy hours to heavy meals and everyday environmental toxins, your liver's keeping score. Time to flip the script with LiverMD. Feel the difference in 90 days or it's free. Visit onemd.org and use code TEDTalks to save 15% on your first order.

[Sean Linda]

What's up? It's Sean Linda from Two Black Guys of good credit. If managed supply runs is still on your to do list. Here's your science upgrade Walmart Business has the tech tools and services that make it ridiculously easy to stock up for your office or team. Think scheduled deliveries, multi user accounts, and even IT setup. Bonus with a Walmart Business plus membership, you get free shipping, spend, analytics and 2% rewards. Join the smart way to shop at business.walmart.com Terms apply.