What would your "deathbed self" tell you today? | Lauren Deeley

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: TED Talks Daily
Episode Title: What would your "deathbed self" tell you today?
Speaker: Lauren Dealey
Date: March 10, 2026

In this thought-provoking TED Talk, private wealth advisor Lauren Dealey delves into the transformative power of connecting with your “deathbed self”—the version of you at life’s end looking back on your choices. Through personal stories and client experiences, Dealey illustrates how envisioning your future self leads to more authentic decision-making in money, career, and life. The talk weaves together research, real-life examples, and emotional resonance, urging listeners to make choices in line with their deepest values.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Introducing the “Deathbed Self”

• Dealey’s Guiding Question: Before making big decisions, ask yourself: "What would my future, deathbed self think?" ([00:17], [04:18])
• Purpose of Life: Dealey frames the ultimate aim as, “to be able to get to the end and look back and say, damn, I lived that one.” ([00:54])

2. The Science Behind Future-Self Connection

• Research Reference: Cites Hal Hirschfeld (UCLA) who found that our brains often see our future selves as different people, making long-term benefits hard to prioritize.
  • "When we can stay connected to our future selves, we often lead more fulfilling lives." ([04:54])

3. Personal Application: Taking a Bold Leap

• Buying a Hostel at 22:
  • Faced with uncertainty, Dealey imagines her deathbed self and senses either disappointment or calm based on her choice.
  • Motivated by her envisioned older self’s approval, she makes an unconventional decision ([05:31]):
    • “I sat on a bed, closed my eyes and I asked myself, what would my future self think?... She got this wry little smile and this sense of deep, powerful calm energy filled my body. The choice was clear. I was buying a hostel.” ([05:48])

4. Client Stories: Applying the Framework to Others

• Alex and Avery:
  • After the sudden death of a friend, they rethink traditional retirement.
  • Develop a plan to "pre-retire" at 55 for a decade of joyful living before returning to work in a less stressful way.
    • “This is my catnip. So we sat down, we put a plan in place that was personalized to them... they are experiencing more joy, more spaciousness because they're on a path that's right for their future selves.” ([07:31])
• Lil’s Story:
  • After pandemic upheaval and loss, Lil is offered to buy a beloved local shop with no plan or experience.
  • Instantly says yes when consulting her deathbed self, and with Dealey’s financial planning, turns the business into a success.
    • “...when she got quiet and thought about her future, it was an immediate hell yes... Five years later, I can tell you the shop is thriving.” ([08:22], [09:09])

5. The Role of a Financial Advisor

• Beyond Numbers:
  • Dealey sees her role as helping others converse with and advocate for their future selves—making money a tool for authentic living rather than an end in itself ([06:25], [09:35])

6. Call to Action & Life Philosophy

• Find the Right Partner:
  • “Go find a financial partner who will meet you where you're at, ask better questions, listen, who will help you get to know your future self and be their advocate.” ([09:45])
• Have the Courageous Conversations:
  • “Our deathbed selves are so attuned to our core values that when we really take the time to envision and relate to who we will be in that moment... we act according to what really matters to our soul.” ([10:03])
• Closing Wish:
  • “When we make decisions with that framework, we will all have the joy of looking back on our lives, exhausted, smiling, and ready for the next adventure.” ([10:20])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Life’s Purpose:
  • “I believe the purpose of life is to be able to get to the end and look back and say, damn, I lived that one.” — Lauren Dealey ([00:54], [09:35])
• On Facing Big Decisions:
  • “So with the sellers on the phone, like an actual corded phone, I sat on a bed, closed my eyes and I asked myself, what would my future self think? And then I saw her.” — Lauren Dealey ([05:35])
• On Relating to Your Future Self:
  • “There's actual research to back up this approach... our brains actually treat our future selves as a completely separate person from our today self. And this can make it really hard to make decisions that benefit our long-term well-being.” — Lauren Dealey ([04:41])
• On Embracing the Uncertain:
  • “For most people, buying a retail business in the middle of a global shutdown would be a hard no. But Lil said yes instantly... it was an immediate hell yes.” — Lauren Dealey ([08:41])
• On Aligning Choices with Values:
  • “Our deathbed selves are so attuned to our core values that when we really take the time to envision and relate to who we will be in that moment... we act according to what really matters to our soul.” — Lauren Dealey ([10:03])

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Important Timestamps

• [00:17] - Dealey introduces the “deathbed self” framework through her own story.
• [04:18] - Main TED Talk begins: visualization of deathbed self.
• [04:54] - Explanation of psychological research on the future self.
• [05:31] - Hostal purchase story; first use of deathbed self in high-stakes decision.
• [07:10] - Alex & Avery’s story: reshaping retirement in line with future joy.
• [08:22] - Lil’s pandemic pivot: bold business move rooted in future self-trust.
• [09:35] - Life philosophy: living without regret starts with connecting to your future self.
• [10:03] - Importance of aligning decisions with core values.
• [10:20] - Emotional, inspiring conclusion.

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Summary Takeaway

Lauren Dealey masterfully blends personal narrative, client experience, and science to champion an intentional, values-aligned approach to big life decisions. By inviting listeners to converse with their own “deathbed self,” she offers a practical and soulful tool for living without regret, making courage and authenticity central to both financial planning and daily choices.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to TED Talks Daily where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. Before you make your next big decision, imagine yourself at the end of your life. Are you proud of how you lived?

[B]

I was 22 years old and I had this insane opportunity to take all my meager savings and buy a hostel in San Jose, Costa Rica. Now, there are about a thousand what ifs and what can go wrong with a decision like this? So with the sellers on the phone, like an actual corded phone, I sat on a bed, closed my eyes, and I asked myself, what would my future self think?

[A]

That's private wealth advisor Lauren Dealey. And in today's talk, she shares why connecting with your future self can transform the way you approach the choices you make about your money and career. It can bring more clarity, joy and intention to the life you're building now.

[B]

I believe the purpose of life is to be able to get to the end and look back and say, damn, I lived that one.

[A]

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[B]

I want you to imagine yourself on your deathbed, but you're smiling, your soul is exhausted and full. What do you look like? What are you wearing? Who's with you? Where are you? Everything in my life that I'm most proud of I can attribute to conversations that I've had with someone very important to me. Her name is Deathbed Dealey. Let me explain. I have this deep, crystal clear relationship with my future deathbed self. She has deep smile lines from a lifetime spent laughing, leathery skin from spending so much time outside, long gray hair and before you see think I'm crazy for talking to my deathbed self. There's actual research to back up this approach to making big bold decisions. Hal Hirschfeld, the UCLA psychologist and professor, has shown that our brains actually treat our future selves as a completely separate person from our today self. And this can make it really hard to make decisions that benefit our long term. Well Being. And his research also showed that when we can stay connected to our future selves, we often lead more fulfilling lives. So for me, Deathbed Dealey isn't another person. She's me. I'm her right now. And our conversations have led me on a wild path that so far has taken me to a career where I get to help other people talk to their own deathbed selves. And no, I'm not a late night TV psychic. I work in financial planning and wealth management. I know it's not what I was expecting either, but hear me out. My career is about so much more than just managing your money. It's about helping you envision your future self to get to know him or her or them and then be their advocate so that today you can go make big bold decisions. But let's back up. The first time I met Deathbed DEALEY, I was 22 years old and I had this insane opportunity to take all my meager savings and buy a hostel in San Jose, Costa Rica. Now there are about a thousand what ifs and what can go wrong with a decision like this? So with the sellers on the phone, like an actual corded phone, I sat on a bed, closed my eyes and I asked myself, what would my future self think? And then I saw her. Laugh lines, gray hair, Aspen trees out the window. I imagined walking away from the deal and there was this look of deep disappointment on Deathbed Dealie's face. And then I imagined saying yes. She got this wry little smile and this sense of deep, powerful calm energy filled my body. The choice was clear. I was buying a hostel. Now fast forward. A few years ago I got a call from two friends of a great client. To protect their privacy, we'll call them Alex and Avery. Alex and Avery had just experienced the sudden passing of a dear friend just hours after they'd been skiing together. Their friend was 62 years old and this awakened something in them that they had known for quite some time. The typical plan of work until 65, then retire, then finally live was wrong for them. What they wanted was to work until age 55, take a 10 year pre retirement, spending time with the people they love, doing the things that they love. Then they'd go back to the workforce at age 65 in novel low stress jobs. This is my catnip. So we sat down, we put a plan in place that was personalized to them. And what I can tell you is that as they're moving towards this goal, they are experiencing more joy, more spaciousness because they're on A path that's right for their future selves. Now, back in the pandemic, I got a call from one of my favorite people in the whole world. We'll call her Lil. Lil's life had just fallen apart.

[A]

Her words.

[B]

She'd been living in Vermont, teaching art, when suddenly the world shut down and her mother passed away. So she goes out to the west coast to visit some friends. She stops into a little shop that she'd known for years. The shop owner was also struggling pandemic and offered Lil the chance to take over the business. Now, for most people, buying a retail business in the middle of a global shutdown would be a hard no. But Lil said yes instantly. She had no plan, no idea how it would work out, no business experience. But when she got quiet and thought about her future, it was an immediate hell yes. So we got to work. We mapped out the cash flow needs, the Runway, the safety net, the investment plan we'd like into as the business started to succeed. And now, five years later, I can tell you the shop is thriving. From that moment in the pandemic, Lil's life has exploded in abundance in ways that I don't think either of us could have imagined. All because she followed that one clear yes from her future self. Now, I believe the purpose of life is to be able to get to the end and look back and say, damn, I lived that one. And that starts with having better conversations. Go find a financial partner who will meet you where you're at, ask better questions, listen, who will help you get to know your future self and be their advocate. And most importantly, go talk to your deathbed selves. Our deathbed selves are so attuned to our core values that when we really take the time to envision and relate to who we will be in that moment. When the veil between this life and the next gets thin, we act according to what really matters to our soul. And when we make decisions with that framework, we will all have the joy of looking back on our lives, exhausted, smiling, and ready for the next adventure. Thank you.

[A]

Thank you. That was Lauren Dealey at TED Next 2025. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out [e-mail] curation guidelines. And that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This talk was fact checked by the TED research team and produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little and Tansika Sangmarnivang. This episode was mixed by Lucy Little. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Ballaraizo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed. Thanks for listening.

[C]

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[D]

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