B (3:53)

The world makes you something that you're not. But you know inside what you are. And that question burns in your heart. How will you become that? I may be someone unique in this, but I am not alone. Not alone at all. So when I became a fashion model, I felt that I finally achieved the dream that I've always wanted. Since I was a young child. My outside self finally matched my inner truth. My inner self. At that time, I felt like, Gina, you've done it. You've made it. You have arrived. But this past October, I realized that I'm only just beginning. All of us are put in boxes by our family, by our religion, by our society, our moment in history, even our own bodies. Some people have the courage to break free, not to accept the limitations imposed by the color of their skin or by the beliefs by those that surround them. Those people are always the threat to the status quo, to what is considered acceptable. In my case, for the last nine years, some of my neighbors, some of my friends, colleagues, even my agent did not know about my history. I think in mystery this is called a reveal. Here is mine. I was assigned boy at birth based on the appearance of my genitalia. I remember when I was 5 years old in the Philippines, walking around our house. I would always wear this T shirt in my head. And my mom asked me, how come you always wear that T shirt in your head? I said, mom, this is my hair. I'm a girl. I knew then how to self identify. Gender has always been considered a fact immutable what we now know. It's actually more fluid, complex and mysterious. Because of my success, I never had the courage to share my story. Not because I thought What I am is wrong, but because how the world treats those of us who wish to break free every day. I am so grateful because I am a woman. I have a mom and dad and family who accepted me for who I am. Many are not so fortunate. There's a long tradition in Asian culture that celebrates the fluid mystery of gender. There's a Buddhist goddess of compassion. There is a Hindu goddess, Hijra goddess. So when I was eight years old, I was at a fiesta in the Philippines celebrating these mysteries. I was in front of this stage, and I remember out comes this beautiful woman right in front of me. And I remember that moment. Something hit me. That is the kind of woman I would like to be. So when I was 15 years old, still dressing as a boy, I met this woman named tl. She is a transgender beauty pageant manager. That night she asked me, how come you are not joining the beauty pageant? She convinced me that if I join that she will take care of the registration fee and the garments. And that night, I won best in swimsuit and best in long gown in place second runner up amongst 40 plus candidates. That moment changed my life. All of a sudden, I was introduced to the world of beauty pageant. Not a lot of people could say that your first job is a pageant queen for transgender woman, but I'll take it. So from 15 to 17 years old, I joined the most prestigious pageant to the pageant, where it's at the back of the truck, literally. Or sometimes it would be a pavement next to a rice field. And when it rains, which it rains a lot in the Philippines, the organizers would have to move it inside someone's house. I also experienced the goodness of strangers, especially when we would travel in remote province in the Philippines. But most importantly, I met some of my best friends in that community. In 2001, my mom, who had moved to San Francisco, called me and told me that my green card petition came through that I could now move to United States. I resisted it. I told my mom, mom, I'm having fun. I'm here with my friends. I love traveling, being a beauty pageant queen. But then two weeks later, she called me. She said, did you know that if you move to United States, you could change your name and gender marker? That was all I needed to hear. My mom also told me to put two E's in the spelling of my name. She also came with me when I had my surgery in Thailand at 19 years old. It's interesting. In some of the most rural cities in Thailand, they perform some of the most prestigious, safe and sophisticated surgery at that time in the United States, you needed to have a surgery before you could change your name and gender marker. So in 2001, I moved to San Francisco, and I remember looking at my California driver's license with the name Gina and gender marker F. That was a powerful moment. I mean, for some people, their ID is their license to drive or even to get a drink. But for me, that was my license to live, to feel dignified. I mean, all of a sudden, my fears were minimized. I felt that I could conquer my dream and move to New York and be a model. Many are not so fortunate. I think of this woman named Ayla Nettles. She's from New York. She's a young woman who courageously living her truth, but hatred ended her life. For most of my community, this is the reality in which we live. Our suicide rate is nine times higher that of a general population. Every November 20, we have a global vigil for Transgender Day of Remembrance. I mean, I'm here at this stage because it's a long history of. Of people who fought and stood up for injustice. Today, this very moment, is my real coming out. I could no longer live my truth for and by myself. I want to do my best to help others live their truth without shame and terror. I am here exposed so that one day there will never be a need for November 20th vigil. My deepest truth allowed me to accept who I am. Will you? Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

C (11:41)

Gina, one quick question for you, and I'm wondering what you would say, especially to parents, but in a more broad way, to friends, to family, to anyone who finds themselves encountering a child or a person who is struggling with and uncomfortable with the gender that's being assigned them. What might you say to the family members of that person to help them become good and caring and kind family members to them?

B (12:05)

Well, first, really, I'm so blessed. I mean, the support system with my mom especially, and my family, that in itself is just so powerful. I mean, I remember every time I would coach young trans women, would mentor them, and sometimes when they would call me and tell me that their parents can't accept it, I would pick up that phone call and tell my mom, mom, can you call this woman? And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but it's. This gender identity is in the core of our being. I mean, we're all assigned gender at birth. So what I'm trying to do is to have this conversation that sometimes that gender assignment doesn't match, and there should be a space that would allow people to self identify, and that's a conversation that we should have with parents, with colleagues and the transgender movement. It's at the very beginning to compare to how the cave movement started. There's still a lot of work that needs to be done. There should be an understanding. There should be a space of curiosity and asking questions. And I hope all of you guys will be my allies.

C (13:15)

Thank you. That was so lovely.

B (13:16)

Thank you.

A (13:25)

That was Gina Rocero speaking at TED 2014. If you're curious about TED's curation, find out more@ted.com curationguidelines and that's it for today. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little and Tanzika Sangmarnivam. This episode was mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Balaurazo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feedback. Thanks for listening.

D (14:11)

Howdy, howdy ho, and welcome to Fantasy Fan Fellas. I'm Hayden, producer of the Fantasy Fangirls podcast and your resident lover of all things Sanderson.

E (14:19)

And I'm Stephen, your bookish Internet goofball, but you can call me the Smash Daddy.

D (14:23)

And we are currently deep diving Brandon Sanderson's fantasy epic Mistborn. But here's the catch. Steven here has not read Mistborn before.

E (14:32)

That's right.

C (14:32)

Hey.

E (14:33)

Hey. So each week you'll get my unfiltered raw reactions to every single chapter.

D (14:37)

And along the way, we'll do character deep dives, magic explainers, and Steven will even try to guess what's next. Spoiler alert. He'll be wrong.

E (14:44)

News flash, I'm never wrong. Episodes come out every Wednesday, and you can find Fantasy fanfellas wherever you get your podcasts.

A (14:51)

I recently had comedian and host of ted's how to Be a Better Human podcast, Chris Duffy. On our show, he sat down for a special interview where he talked about how to laugh more at the little things in life.

E (15:02)

One of the ways that we take the least social risk is in conversations with people we don't know that well. We tend to just say, like, so how are you? What do you do? There's no risk involved, and as a result, it's very unlikely that you and the other person will like, laugh or connect. So I think you can take like a low risk thing and ask them a question that's just a little unusual, but that you actually are interested in or is a little funny. Now the person might be like, this is weird. Why are you asking me about terrible soups? But you'll probably have a conversation that is a little bit more memorable and funny and has the potential for laughter than other things.

A (15:34)

Get more practical tips on how to be the best you can be by listening to Chris interview Ted speakers on his podcast how to Be a Better Human. Listen wherever you get your shows.