Why social health is key to happiness and longevity | Kasley Killam

Summary

TED Talks Daily: Why Social Health is Key to Happiness and Longevity | Kasli Killam

Release Date: February 24, 2025

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Introduction

In the February 24, 2025 episode of TED Talks Daily, host Elise Hu introduces Kasli Killam's compelling presentation on the pivotal role of social health in achieving happiness and longevity. Kasli Killam, a connection connoisseur, delves deep into why social well-being is often overlooked in our conventional understanding of health and presents actionable strategies to foster meaningful relationships.

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The Missing Piece: Social Health

Kasli begins by highlighting a significant gap in our approach to health. While physical and mental health are routinely assessed and nurtured, social health remains largely unaddressed. She asserts,

"Social health is about our relationships. And if you haven't heard this term before, that's because it hasn't yet made its way into mainstream vocabulary yet. It is equally important." [03:05]

Kasli emphasizes that without nurturing our social connections, efforts to improve physical and mental health can be undermined, potentially even shortening our lifespan.

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Maya's Story: A Case Study in Social Disconnection

To illustrate her point, Kasli recounts the story of Maya,

"A woman I know who I'll call Maya went through a lot of big changes in a short amount of time... she was still struggling, often losing sleep in the middle of the night, feeling unfocused, unmotivated." [03:05]

Despite Maya's dedication to her physical and mental well-being—exercising daily, eating healthy, and attending weekly therapy—she lacked a sense of community and meaningful relationships. This absence of social connection left her feeling isolated, underscoring the indispensable role of social health.

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The Impact of Loneliness

Kasli presents alarming statistics to underscore the global crisis of loneliness:

• One in four people feel lonely worldwide.
• 20% of adults report having no one to reach out to for support.

She warns,

"This is more than heartbreaking. It's also a public health crisis." [03:05]

The detrimental effects of social disconnection are profound, leading to increased stress, weakened immune systems, and a higher risk of conditions such as stroke, heart disease, diabetes, dementia, depression, and even early death.

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Defining Social Health

Transitioning from the problem, Kasli defines social health as the quality and quantity of our relationships. It encompasses:

• Developing close relationships with family, friends, and partners.
• Engaging in regular interactions with co-workers and neighbors.
• Feeling a sense of belonging within a community.

She believes that social health is as crucial as physical and mental health, yet it has not received the attention it deserves in mainstream health discussions.

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The 531 Guideline: A Blueprint for Enhancing Social Health

Kasli introduces the 531 Guideline from her book as a practical framework to improve social health:

1. Interact with Five Different People Each Week

   • Rationale: Diversity in interactions enriches our social experience.
   • Example: Engaging with loved ones, casual acquaintances, or even strangers can boost happiness and a sense of belonging.
   • Quote:

     "People who just smiled, made eye contact and chit chatted with a barista felt happier and a greater sense of belonging than those who rushed to get their coffee and go." [05:30]

2. Strengthen at Least Three Close Relationships

   • Rationale: Deepening key relationships provides emotional support and fulfillment.

   • Strategy: Create a "to love list" identifying those who matter most and invest time and energy into these connections.

   • Quote:

     "Who can you be yourself with? Make sure that you invest in the names of at least 3 of the people that you write down by scheduling regular time together." [06:45]

   • Note: While face-to-face interactions are ideal, virtual connections still offer significant benefits.

3. Spend One Hour a Day on Meaningful Connection

   • Rationale: Prioritizing time for relationships fosters deeper bonds.
   • Challenge: Replace passive activities like social media scrolling with active engagement, such as calling a family member or writing a thank-you card.
   • Quote:

     "Instead of scrolling on social media, text a friend. Instead of reading news headlines, write a thank you card." [07:50]

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Implementation Examples: Maya's Transformation

Kasli shares how Maya applied the 531 Guideline to her life:

• Recurring Hangouts: Scheduled regular meet-ups with local friends.
• Community Engagement: Attended community events and interacted with neighbors.
• Family Visits: Planned trips to see family and invited friends from other cities to visit.

These intentional efforts in nurturing her social health led to more profound improvements than her prior focus solely on physical and mental health.

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A Vision for the Future: Societal Emphasis on Social Health

Looking ahead, Kasli envisions a society where social health is integral to our collective consciousness:

• Education: Schools will incorporate social health into their curricula, much like physical education.
• Urban Design: Cities will feature vibrant communal spaces that encourage interaction and community building.
• Cultural Shift: Social health will be as openly discussed and prioritized as mental health, reducing loneliness and fostering stronger communities.

She aspires for a future where social connections are naturally woven into daily life, making guidelines like the 531 no longer necessary.

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Conclusion: Prioritizing Relationships for Collective Well-Being

Kasli concludes by urging individuals to make relationships a priority, not just for personal well-being but also for the enrichment of those around them. She emphasizes that nurturing one’s social health inherently benefits the wider community, fostering a more connected and resilient society.

"Be proactive and intentional about your social health. The beauty of nurturing your own social health is that it naturally enriches the social health of everyone you connect with." [11:50]

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Final Thoughts

Kasli Killam’s insightful talk serves as a crucial reminder that our well-being extends beyond the physical and mental realms. By embracing and prioritizing social health, we can achieve greater happiness, resilience, and longevity. Her 531 Guideline offers a practical approach to cultivating meaningful connections, encouraging us all to build a more connected and supportive world.

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For more insights and to explore additional TED Talks, visit ted.com.

Transcript

[Elise Hu]

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[Kasli Killam]

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[Kasli Killam]

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[Kasli Killam]

You're listening to TED Talks Daily, where we bring you new ideas to spark your curiosity every day. I'm your host, Elise Hu. When we go to the doctor, they assess our physical health, our vital signs, maybe our cholesterol, making sure we're generally on track. Doctors may also have a certain set of questions to check up on our mental health, but connection connoisseur Kasli Killam says one key metric is missing in the way our health is under Understood. And that's our social well being. In her 2024 talk, she explains why connection is so key and how not prioritizing it can cost us.

So a couple years ago, a woman I know who I'll call Maya went through a lot of big changes in a short amount of time. She got married. She and her husband moved for his job to a new city where she didn't know anyone. She started a new role, working from home, all while managing her dad's new diagnosis of dementia. And to manage the stress of all this change, Maya doubled down on her physical and mental health. She exercised almost every day. She ate healthy foods. She went to therapy once a week. And these actions really helped. Her body got stronger. Her mind got more resilient, but only up to a point. She was still struggling, often losing sleep in the middle of the night, feeling unfocused, unmotivated. During the day, Maya was doing everything that doctors typically tell us to do to be physically and mentally healthy. And yet, something was missing. What if I told you that what was missing for Maya is also missing for billions of people around the world? And that it might be missing for you? What if I told you that not having it undermines our other efforts to be healthy and can even shorten your lifespan? I've been studying this for over a decade, and I've discovered that the traditional way we think about health is incomplete. By thinking of our health as primarily physical and mental, we overlook what I believe is the greatest challenge and and the greatest opportunity of our time. Social health. While physical health is about our bodies and mental health is about our minds, social health is about our relationships. And if you haven't heard this term before, that's because it hasn't yet made its way into mainstream vocabulary yet. It is equally important. Maya didn't yet have a sense of community in her new home. She wasn't seeing her family or her friends or her co workers in person anymore. And she often went weeks only spending quality time with her husband. Her story shows us that we can't be fully healthy. We can't thrive if we take care of our bodies and our minds, but not our relationships. Similar to Maya, hundreds of millions of people around the world go weeks at a time without talking to a single friend or family member. Globally, one in four people feel lonely. And 20% of adults worldwide don't feel like they have anyone they can reach out to for support. Think about that. One in five people you encounter may feel like they have no one. This is more than heartbreaking. It's also a public health crisis. Crisis disconnection triggers stress in the body. It weakens people's immune systems. It puts them at a risk. Greater risk of stroke, heart disease, diabetes, dementia, depression, and early death. Social health is essential for longevity so you might be wondering, what does it look like to be socially healthy? What does that even mean? Well, it's a developing close relationships with your family, your friends, your partner, yourself. It's about having regular interaction with your co workers, your neighbors. It's about feeling like you belong to a community. Being socially healthy is about having the right quantity and quality of connection for you. And Maya's story is one example of how social health challenges come up in my work. I hear many others stories like Jay, a freshman in college who's eager to get involved in campus, yet is having a hard time fitting in with people in his dorm and often feels homesick. Or Serena and Allie, a couple juggling the chaos of young kids with demanding jobs. They rarely have time to see friends or spend time one on one. Or Henry, recently retired, who cherishes time with his spirit spouse and yet feels untethered without his team anymore and wishes he could see his kids and grandkids more often. These stories show that social health is relevant to each of us at every life stage. So if you're not sure where to start, try the 531 guideline from my book. It goes like Aim to interact with five different people each week, to strengthen at least three close relationships overall and to spend one hour a day connecting. Let's dig into these. So first, interact with five different people each week. Just like eating a variety of vegetables and other food groups is more nutritious, research has shown that interacting with a variety of people is more rewarding. So your 5 could include close loved ones, casual acquaintances, even complete strangers. In fact, in one study that I love, people who just smiled, made eye contact and chit chatted with a barista, felt happier and a greater sense of belonging than people who just rushed to get their coffee and go Next Strengthen At Least three Close Relationships okay, we've all heard of a to do list, but I would like to invite you to write a to love list. Who matters most to you? Who can you be yourself with? Make sure that you invest in the names of at least 3 of the people that you write down by scheduling regular time together, by showing a genuine interest in their lives, and also by opening up about the experiences that you are going through. And I'm often asked, does it have to be in person? Right? Does texting count. Studies have shown that face to face is ideal, so do that whenever possible. But there are absolutely still benefits to staying connected virtually. And last Spend one hour a day on Meaningful Connection okay, if you're an introvert right now you're probably thinking one hour sounds like a lot. I get it. It might be surprising, but I'm actually also an introvert. However, keep in mind that just like getting eight hours of sleep at night, the exact amount that's right for you personally might be higher or lower. Lower. But if you are thinking that one hour a day sounds like way too much because you're just way too busy, I challenge you. Adults in the US Spend an average of four and a half hours each day on their smartphones. So instead of scrolling on social media, text a friend. Instead of reading news headlines, write a thank you card. Instead of listening to a podcast, call a family member. Maya put this into practice by scheduling recurring hangouts with a new local friend that she made by attending community events and dropping cards off in her neighbor's mailboxes. By planning trips to see family and inviting friends in other cities to come visit, and bolstering her social health made more of a difference than focusing solely on her physical and mental health ever could. And I know this because Maya is actually me. I am so passionate about sharing tools to be socially healthy because honestly, I need them too. And the 531 guideline is one way that we can be proactive and intentional about our relationships. And that is really the point. Be proactive and intentional about about your social health. So zooming out beyond the steps that you and I take individually together, we need to shape a society that thrives through social health. Over the next decade, I envision educators championing social health in schools. And just like kids build their physical muscles in gym class, they'll exercise their social muscles in connection class. Over the next decade, I see our cities and neighborhoods being designed with social health in mind, where vibrant gathering places foster unity and community builders are empowered to bring them to life. Over the next decade, I believe that social health will become as ingrained in our collective consciousness as mental health is today. Because not that long ago, mental health was a taboo topic shrouded in stigma, and now public figures talk openly about it. There's an entire industry to support it, and more and more people think of going to therapy like going to the gym. In this future, loneliness will subside, just like smoking subsided when we recognized and treated it as a public health issue. In this future, I hope that social health will become so deeply woven into the fabric of our culture that no one needs the 531 guideline anymore. So to get there, make relationships your priority, not only for you, but also for the people you love. Because the beauty of nurturing your own social health is that it naturally enriches the social health of everyone you connect with. Thank you.

That was Kasli Killam speaking at ted next in 2024. If you're curious about Ted's curation, find out [e-mail] curationguidelines and that's it for today's show. TED Talks Daily is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced and edited by our team, Martha Estefanos, Oliver Friedman, Brian Greene, Lucy Little, Alejandra Salazar and Tonsika Sarmarnivon. It was mixed by Christopher Faizy Bogan. Additional support from Emma Tobner and Daniela Ballarezzo. I'm Elise Hu. I'll be back tomorrow with a fresh idea for your feed.

[Elise Hu]

Thanks for listening.

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[Kasli Killam]

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