Podcast Summary

Texas Family Law Insiders

Episode: Christina Hollwarth | Navigating High-Conflict Personalities in Family Law Cases
Host: Holly Draper
Guest: Christina Hollwarth, Founding Attorney, Hallworth Law Firm
Date: September 17, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Holly Draper sits down with Christina Hollwarth to discuss one of the biggest, most persistent challenges in family law: navigating high-conflict and difficult personalities. The conversation is a mix of practical advice, war stories, and strategic communication tips for lawyers (and clients) dealing with emotionally charged, high-maintenance, or outright combative parties—whether they’re clients, opposing counsel, ex-spouses, or even children.

1. Christina Hollwarth’s Approach to Family Law

• Christina’s passion lies in helping families transition through difficult circumstances, driven by personal observations from childhood and compassion for those facing family change.
• Runs a small but growing firm in Longview, Texas, focused exclusively on family law matters in several East Texas counties.
• Values work-life integration and believes family law is about guiding people through transition, not just legal arguments.
  Quote:

"Family law chose me as much as I chose it...behind everything that we do, it's a family that's trying to figure out what they're doing next."
(01:15–01:52)

2. What Makes Someone “Difficult” in Family Law?

Key Signs and Red Flags

• Clients who are angry without clear reason, excessively dependent, overly emotional, or constantly demanding attention (e.g., repeated calls or emails).
• Clients flagged during intake for over-sharing, labeling others (“narcissist,” etc.), or being aggressive about timelines. Quote:

"It's just that overwhelmed, in your face, sometimes belligerent, sometimes overly emotional, just exhausting client."
(05:05–05:13)

• Difference between emotional clients and clients who are simply belligerent or mean—both are “difficult” for different reasons. (05:32–05:42)

High-Conflict Personality Traits (per Bill Eddy)

• Preoccupation with blame: Always looking to deflect responsibility.
• All-or-nothing thinking: No gray area; everything is black-and-white.
• Unmanaged emotions: Emotional volatility, from anger to paralysis.
• Extreme behaviors: From constant communication to reckless actions (e.g., threatening, property damage). Quote:

"These people are...preoccupied with blame...all-or-nothing thinking...unmanaged emotions...and extreme behaviors."
(06:40–07:19)

3. How Difficult Personalities Derail Cases

• High-conflict clients become their own worst enemies—insist on quick, punitive action, struggle with long-term strategy, and create chaos in legal proceedings.
• Cases drag on, rack up higher bills, require more court involvement, and often attract more court-ordered professionals (psychological evaluations, custody evaluations, etc.). Quote:

"They cannot see the forest for the trees. And they are so caught up in their hurt and anger that...they end up with higher bills, longer cases, extra professionals—all of which ultimately overwhelms them more..."
(08:57–10:31)

4. Why Lawyers Struggle to Communicate with These Clients

• Lawyers’ natural responses are logical and detailed, which doesn’t meet the client’s emotional needs.
• Clients feel unheard or overwhelmed by legalistic, lengthy responses.
• Attorneys risk becoming too “cold,” or out-of-touch with the client’s distress. Quote:

"We can come across to this dysregulated person as cold or unfeeling. They're trying to share their hurt, and we are just giving them answers, and we need to...but we need to provide those in the most effective way..."
(10:38–11:34)

• Attorneys are not substitutes for mental health professionals. Clients are encouraged to seek therapy for emotional processing. Quote:

"I would say in probably 75 to 80% of my initial intake interviews we talk about therapy...I can’t get you there emotionally."
(13:01–13:54)

5. Practical Communication Strategies

The “BIFF” and “EAR” Tools

• BIFF (Written Communication):
  • Brief: Keep it short.
  • Informative: Stick to the facts/issues.
  • Friendly: Use a respectful tone.
  • Firm: Close the loop—don’t invite continuing argument.
  • Used for emails, letters, and with both opposing parties and clients.
• EAR (Verbal Communication):
  • Empathy: Acknowledge and validate emotions.
  • Attention: Be fully present, no multitasking.
  • Respect: Maintain civility, professionalism, and avoid snark.
  • Used for phone or in-person conversations, especially when someone is “spiraling.” Quote:

"BIFF stands for brief, informative, friendly, and firm...EAR is empathy, attention, and respect...bringing respect to the fact that whoever you're dealing with, this is very, very personal to them."
(14:26–17:06)

Additional Tips

• Limit phone calls—prefer written correspondence with high-conflict opposing counsel or clients.
• Always document critical conversations (“To summarize our call, we discussed X, Y, and Z...”) (17:28–17:59)
• Use technology (Family Wizard, AppClose, even ChatGPT or Tone AI) to monitor tone and language in written communications.

6. Advising Clients on High-Conflict Co-Parenting

• Encourage clients to use BIFF and EAR techniques, especially with a high-conflict co-parent.
• Remind them: control communication timing, don’t let the other party provoke an immediate emotional response (mute/block when appropriate).
• For technology-enabled communication, use tools that help maintain neutral tone.
• Advise parents to encourage, not sabotage, the child’s healthy relationship with the other parent—even if it’s difficult emotionally or counterintuitive. Quote:

"Your job is to encourage them to appropriately love their other parent...you're not gaslighting your kid by saying, 'Hey, I know you enjoy being over here, but it's important for you to have this relationship with your dad.'"
(23:22–24:23)

7. Handling Alienation and Teen Resistance

• Recognize when parents are unintentionally (or intentionally) undermining the other parent.
• Encourage parents to handle visitation resistance as they would school refusal: clear boundaries, consequences, and consistency—not simply “hearing them out” or caving in. Quote:

"If your kid said, 'Hey, mom, by the way, I'm going to take your car tonight and drive to Mexico and go party,' you'd find a way to make it not happen. So why can't you make them get in the car with the other parent?"
(24:23–24:42)

8. Difficult Advanced Scenarios

The Serial Attorney Firer

• Multiple attorney firings are a big red flag; careful intake and clarity on boundaries are essential.
• Sometimes empathy and clear communication of boundaries retain such clients, but always communicate in writing and document everything. Quote:

"What they need is empathy and boundaries...I explain this is how our relationship's going to work, and it has to be a relationship...both people have responsibilities."
(26:01–28:49)

The Obnoxious Pro Se Litigant

• Do not take the bait—maintain professionalism and always communicate in writing.
• Use AI to help monitor tone if necessary; expect escalation in the other party’s behavior, but don’t reciprocate. Quote:

"Do everything in writing. I will not communicate with a pro se party verbally."
(31:21)

9. Ethical Considerations

• Ethically represent clients without getting drawn into their drama—do not become a fact witness or cross from legal into therapeutic support.
• Recognize limits—you aren’t a mental health counselor; encourage outside help as needed.
• Maintain boundaries to protect your integrity and the practice of law. Quote:

"We've got to stay in our lanes and do what we do well."
(32:40–33:11)

10. Advice to Young Family Lawyers

• Set boundaries early and firmly; it’s easier to relax a boundary than to retrain a client base or opposing party.
• Remember that your identity is not tied to a single case: “If I got hit by a truck tomorrow, my clients...would call and say, ‘What happens to me now?’...I cannot make their life overtake my life.”
  (34:05–35:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the nature of the work:

  “At the end of the day, I’m going to leave you with a very, very expensive piece of paper, you know, a decree or an order or whatever, and then I’m gone.”
  (13:54–14:09)

• On communicating with belligerent pro se parties:

  “Please hire a lawyer; Google is not your friend.”
  (29:07)

  (Followed by the infamous "Krispy Kreme" fat-shaming emails from the pro se party—a reminder to never stoop to the other side’s tactics.)

• On parenting through teen refusal:

  “You make your kid go to school, right?...What would you do if your kid didn’t want to go to school? You’d take away their phone. You’d punish them.”
  (24:42–24:51)

• On boundaries as the key skill:

  “Learn how to set your boundaries. Set them strong, set them early.”
  (33:28–34:05)

Key Timestamps

• 01:15 — Christina’s background and philosophy on family law
• 04:07–07:19 — Defining and understanding difficult/high-conflict personalities
• 07:43–08:52 — Intake red flags for challenging clients
• 08:57–10:31 — How high-conflict personalities sabotage their own cases
• 14:26–17:06 — Practical communication strategies: BIFF and EAR
• 18:23–22:06 — Coaching clients on communication with high-conflict co-parents/kids
• 24:23–24:51 — Parenting through teen resistance and alienation
• 25:35–28:49 — Advanced scenario: serial attorney firer
• 29:04–31:21 — Advanced scenario: dealing with the obnoxious pro se litigant
• 31:34–33:18 — Ethical considerations in high-conflict cases
• 33:28–35:05 — Advice for young family lawyers

Further Resources

• Christina Hollwarth’s website: Hallworth Law
• Social: Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn (search "Hallworth" for easy results)
• Recommended tools: The “BIFF” book (by Bill Eddy); Our Family Wizard, AppClose, ChatGPT, and Tone AI for communication management

Summary prepared for legal professionals, clients, and anyone interested in surviving the emotional rollercoaster of Texas family law with sanity and strategy intact.