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The Amazing Authorities Podcast
Reinventing Life After 50: Belonging, Storytelling, and Midlife Empowerment with Shari
00:30:25
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- [00:02]
A
Welcome to the Amazing Authorities Podcast, where game changers, visionaries and category leaders share how they built their brands, platforms and global influence. Your host is Mitch Carson, international speaker, media strategist, and creator of the Instant Authority system. If you're ready to learn from those who've done it and want to become the go to expert in your space, you're in the right place. Sherry Lead is in the house today from Seattle, but she's moving to Dallas because she's a professional speaker who travels around the US has got a great background which she's going to share with us in a moment. Welcome to the Amazing Authorities Podcast. Sherry Lead.
- [00:52]
B
Hi. Thank you. Yes. Behind me, my bookshelves are empty because I literally am living surrounded by moving boxes at this point.
- [01:00]
A
Well, this makes it real. And this is the life we have. I'm sitting here in Thailand and this is my second home. I go back to Vegas and come here. This is my. I have a nice studio in Vegas. This is simple in my condo and it's real, but we're talking to each other, so that's what's important. Not the background of having a bookless bookshelf.
- [01:24]
B
Yes. And we don't have the virtual background, so every time we move like our head gets distorted. So I appreciate that.
- [01:31]
A
Yeah. Well, the quick fix on that is using a green screen so you don't have that haloing. But you know, we've got what we've got and it looks good. You look great. So, Jerry, you've got a unique background. When I read you were adopted from Korea and then.
- [01:47]
B
Yes.
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A
Embarked on this life, that where you are today.
- [01:53]
B
Correct. Do you want me to give you like the short version of that whole in between?
- [01:57]
A
Sure. Well, give me the short version. I mean, do you. Were you a baby when you were adopted or do you have any memories?
- [02:04]
B
I don't. And it's interesting. So similar to you, I've traveled the world, but I was born in Korea and I haven't. Other than a 10 hour layover. I have not gone to Korea and I was adopted as a baby. And I think there's something in me that's. That just doesn't know how to do it yet. And I know that's not what we're here to talk about, but to answer your question, I don't remember it. I have very little connection to Korea and I. I think that that's a part that I need to visit one day.
- [02:32]
A
Do you speak it?
- [02:34]
B
Not at all. I didn't grow up with any other Korean people in Fact, I didn't have a Korean dinner until I turned 40.
- [02:39]
A
Oh, my gosh. I went. I have a lot of Korean background in my story because I'm a Taekwondo master. So I learned from a man from Seoul who was sort of my surrogate father in a lot of ways. And that's why I asked about it. When I saw that, I said I got to tap on that, because that's a. A lot of my own story, but not necessarily. Yeah. So I used to eat Korean food every month. We would go out, the group of us, all of his black belts would join them, and we. Koreatown in la. So, yeah, you got to have an acquired taste for kimchi. But that's.
- [03:16]
B
Yes. When I. That was the thing. When I turned 40, I was like, okay, I need to do this. So I grabbed, like. I knew about maybe eight women or so that were of Korean descent. A lot of them were mixed race because their dads were military. Their moms are Korean. Korean. These women didn't know each other, but they were all. I was listening to their stories. They're very similar because of their moms. But at one point, I stopped talking because I was just grabbing water and I started sweating, and they were just talking fine. I was like, isn't this food spicy? And they're like, no, it's mild. So that's when I realized, okay, maybe you had to have been raised with it as opposed to born Korean, big time.
- [03:57]
A
I have to be very careful because I spend a lot of my time in Thailand today here with the food I have to specify. I am what is called a frong, which means foreigner. And I cannot handle spicy food. And they say, not even neat night. That means a little bit. And I say, no, I will be. I'll. I'll end up in the er, so please don't. Yeah, you have to.
- [04:18]
B
I'm with you.
- [04:19]
A
You have to be raised with it and have that acquired taste or, you know, steam engines coming on. You've also had this interesting background. I would say you were a criminal lawyer, then a civil lawyer, and rarely do they cross over. I know this from my past life being around a lot of attorneys, and my uncle was a crim lawyer, and he said, I know nothing about civil defense or a completely different area of expertise. And then today you're running retreats for women. How did you make that transition?
- [04:54]
B
Yeah, well, you know, I did. I went. I was one of those that went college to law school to work, and I fell into being a criminal prosecutor because that was a job available to me. And from there, because of my trial experience, I was recruited to work at a large to be in house for a large insurance company doing their litigation work. And then two kids later, I ended up being a stay at home mom for a while. And for a while I did teach. We talk a bit about, while you mentioned mixed martial arts taekwondo, I taught mixed martial arts fitness classes for a little while while I stayed home with the kids.
- [05:32]
A
Wow.
- [05:33]
B
Yeah. And when it was time where I, you know, it's time for me to decide, okay, what do I want to do now that the kids are pretty independent? And between my 49th and 50th birthday, I sat down with 50 women in my life just to tell them what I've learned from them. And these were women that were new acquaintances or some were longtime friends. And because I'm an oversharer on social media, I was sharing these meetings and that organically became a book. And that started the career I have now as a writer, which has now bloomed into speaking and now is moving into creating conferences and retreats.
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A
That's awesome.
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B
Yeah. All after age 50, this whole life has opened up for me.
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A
Is that called reinvention?
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B
Yeah, let's call something that reinvention. Sounds a lot better than midlife crisis. I like reinvention.
- [06:24]
A
I know, we talked about it. I'm also part of the divorce club. That happens. It's a new life. It's just a new clean slate. And it's. How's dating after being married 27 years? Tell us about that.
- [06:38]
B
Yeah. Oh, my goodness. So, you know, I, I went on the apps. So during. I was doing the math when I. So I filed for divorce when I'm 53, and I thought, okay, if I'm in a relationship. And at that time, I thought I was going to get. I wanted to get remarried because I'd been married for 27 years. I thought, I just thought marriage in my head. I don't necessarily think that now, but that's another story. So I was, I was 23. I thought my divorce is going to take at least a year, and if I want to be in a long, good relationship, that'll take at least a year. So I was doing the math and I thought, oh, my God, by the time I remarry, I'll be 106. I better start dating right now.
- [07:16]
A
Panic, huh? Panic.
- [07:17]
B
Yeah. So I tell my publicist this, and I end up Tinder gives me a free, free subscription at that point.
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A
Is this in Seattle?
- [07:28]
B
This is in Seattle. And I had never Been on a dating app before. And I asked my. My publicist, isn't that the hookup app?
- [07:34]
A
Yes.
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B
She said, no, they have everything on there. Wow. I don't know about that. But I ended up on Tinder and they were supposed to convert me to some kind of premium thing. It took a long time and at that point I thought, well, I might as well everything. So my initial, My initial kind of project that I did is I decided when I. While I was going through the divorce, I'd only gone first dates. And I had that on my profile and I said, I'm only going on first dates, you know, in 2024 for both single and 2025, then we could have a second date. And I went on a ton of first dates and that way, because I want to learn how to date who's out there and if I was dateable.
- [08:15]
A
Wow, interesting. You said, yeah, area.
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B
Yeah. And then that's why I found out, you know, what the age range is, height range. I kind of feel that way. It didn't matter too much for me. I mean, I was more open to dating a whole bunch of different types of people that I wouldn't have if I was going in there going, okay, this has to be a second date or a third date or a fourth date. So that allowed me to figure out exactly what or who I was I vibed with.
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A
Wow, that's. That's interesting. I know. I went through my own. It was very strange to open up the apps after being married and then to be single again, to go out in there. But we're full of.
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B
Well, how old were you when you were single, when you first started?
- [08:58]
A
I got divorced at age 45.
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B
Okay. That's different.
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A
Is it? Okay.
- [09:06]
B
All right. People start to, you know, they're not to. I mean, people start to look a little worn at a certain point in time. Well, let's just say are doing okay.
- [09:18]
A
I was living in la. I mean, we're on this topic. It's always interesting. I was living in LA. I was 45, going through the fight of my life, but was still, at least in the beginning stage, it was still driving a convertible Maserati. I dressed well, had money.
- [09:35]
B
Yeah, you were fine.
- [09:37]
A
Well, well, I. I say this at the beginning, and then everything crashed. This was the economic decline of 2006. Then my. I had, I mean, in the divorce, as I mentioned before, was the fight of my life. It wrecked me. So the car went all these other. I had to scale back considerably on how I spent money and all of A sudden from being well off to having to watch what I spent. I never even looked at labels or price tags. I just bought when I wanted to. If I like something, I bought it to then have to turn shoes over to look at the price as opposed to. I never did if I liked them and they fit okay. And here's the card. So a lot of things had to change and realize, oh, my God, I need a budget. And it was an eye opener, Sherry. So I would. I mean, you're dating now, in your 50s. What's that like for you? Are you.
- [10:46]
B
It's, you know, it's, it's so. It's, it's interesting. So I actually just recently got off the day naps in part because I'm moving and the other part is just because I'm really, really busy. But, you know, it's. It's really interesting being this age and dating and trying to figure out what, what's important, I guess, you know, because it's a lot of people, you know, you talked about finances and a lot of women I know my age, when younger, they're looking for partners that are very well off. And for me, that's not necessarily what I would look for, but it makes the finances play into this. Where it did play into it when I was dating my 20s. Right. We were all broke in our 20s. In fact, I dated a guy for a while, just broke up in April. We dated for almost a year, and he was very well off and he had a boat. And the first time I went on his boat, I said, I've never dated anyone with a boat. And I said, well, that's because the last time I dated, I was in my 20s. No one had a boat.
- [11:56]
A
Right, right. Right. We're starving students.
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B
Yeah. So it's very, you know, so the fact that the financial piece plays in. I actually don't really quite understand how to wrap my head around that yet. And I think a lot of men my age feel that are very cautious because they feel they've been burned in their divorces and they've lost a lot.
- [12:18]
A
Oh, boy. I can relate to. Oh.
- [12:21]
B
So they feel, you know, these, the relationships, you know, you are liabilities in a lot of ways. And, you know, I, I know that a few guys, they look at the fact that I'm doing okay on my own, that, oh, that's, that's a plus, you know, and. But it is a plus into it. So it's, it's, it's weird to me, and I don't know yet. I Haven't understood how to wrap my head around that piece of it.
- [12:45]
A
It'll, it'll clear up when it clears up and all of a sudden you'll have this epiphany, you know, and it's, it was interesting because I told the tales to my ex wife. I can't believe we're talking about this, but it's natural, organic.
- [12:59]
B
This is like we just met and this is like gossiping with my good friend over here.
- [13:06]
A
But when I met my then dating girlfriend who became my wife, she couldn't relate to my gold digger stories of what I had experienced dating in la. I said, you have no idea about what women ask for out there. And she was appalled. She said, why can't they pay for themselves? And she insisted on paying for half of our date. She was a partner in a big law firm in Century City in Los Angeles and couldn't relate to these stories. Completely stunned her that women had such so low self worth that they would expect a man to pay for them. Because you had a professional mindset, which you can understand. And it's very different than someone that barely scrapes by and then is looking for someone to rescue them.
- [13:55]
B
Yeah, but you know, I think, you know, men that are successful, so that's, that's the difficult thing. I think, you know, you know, you want a partner that's, you can, you can vibe with intellectually on a success level. But a lot of men my age and older who are successful, they're used to women being attracted to them because of what they're able to provide, or at least what they are perceived to be able to provide. So to get past that psychology that's already there and those wounds, for lack of better words, that exist because they feel that they've been burned before. Oh yeah, A challenge is a challenge. And you know, and also competing with the 30 year old women, you know, that are 20 years younger than me for the same attention because you know that there's an ego, there's an eagle stroke for these men when they're getting attention from a 30 year old, even though they know it's because they're able to, you know, buy them that handbag.
- [14:55]
A
Yes, buy the handbag. And then of course there's. The flip side is, and if you're in your 50s/60s, the last thing you want to do is start talking about kids again.
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B
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true. But I was, I was at this bar the other day and this guy was talking to me. I knew he was a lot younger than me. And he was like, early 40s, and he didn't know my age. And he said, I haven't been married before, but I think I want kids still. Do you want kids? And I literally almost spit out my drink, and I said, is your dad single?
- [15:30]
A
Good answer. Yeah. Places in life, you know, these experience, though, have led you to where you are. And today you're making the move to Dallas because the focus is getting your message out there as a keynote speaker, running workshops. Tell us about the training and the labeling. It's unique. Where.
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B
Yeah.
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A
Related to the box. Tell us about the box.
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B
Okay, so we mentioned I was adopted. So I was abandoned in Seoul, South Korea. I was found in a cardboard box in a parking lot. I was found. I was left with no name, no birth date. So I don't know my real birth date, no identifying information. And all of my life, this box was sort of a symbol that reminded me that I didn't belong or I wasn't connected. And in 2023, I traveled through the US and I sat down with a stranger in every state, a woman that I didn't know in every state, and shared a meal with her. And during this process, I found that belonging I had been searching for. I found that. That sense of who I am. And I had realized that at some point, I had symbolically taken that box, that cardboard box I was found in, and I had flipped it, and it had become a table where connection and belonging were found. That's where the phrase flip the box came from. In fact, then when I did that, I started encouraging people to simply share a meal with someone else. A stranger or someone they had lost contact with, maybe a coworker they work with, but they never sat down with, with the idea that since the dawn of time, sharing food has meant safety, survival, and belonging. And we've lost that natural instinct to sit down and share food with one another. And we have failed, I think, the next generation, because we've shown them how to disconnect. We haven't shown them how to connect.
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A
I love that.
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B
Yeah. So I started this movement called Flip the Box. And originally it started with this idea of sharing a meal. In fact, March 5 is now recognized by the National Archives as a flip the box day. A day to share a meal with somebody that you either lost contact with someone new.
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A
Bravo.
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B
It's grown now. It's grown now. So it's a keynote speech where I talk about flipping the box for yourself, your career, and your community. And now I will also be hosting a retreat in Dallas for women on flipping the box, where the tagline is, while most retreats take you away, this one will bring you home.
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A
I love it. Love. How did you find out that you were left in a box? I mean, when this revealed, that had to have been a bit traumatizing.
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B
Yeah. Especially when you're a junior in high school.
- [18:23]
A
Is that when you found out first age?
- [18:25]
B
Yes. Yes. You know, that's when I. I knew I was adopted. I didn't know.
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A
Were your parents Caucasian?
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B
No. So they were born in the US but they're of Japanese American descent.
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A
Okay.
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B
And there's a generation, though, between us, so they actually had been placed in internment camps during World War II.
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A
Wow. Wow.
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B
Yeah. Most Asian kids get adopted by rich white families. I got adopted by Asian people that had been interned, but that's a different story.
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A
Wow. And Japanese and Koreans, historically, boom, boom, boom.
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B
Yes.
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A
Okay.
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B
Yes. And trust me, in my teenage years, we continued that tradition.
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A
Rebellion at its best.
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B
Yes. That's great.
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A
Okay. Were they loving parents to you?
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B
Yeah, they were. They're very religious, Especially my mother. I was closer to my father. He died when I was 31, but I was very close to my dad and.
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A
Okay, so they were Japanese Americans.
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B
Yes. Correct. Yeah.
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A
And they told you when you were a junior that they found you in a box?
- [19:31]
B
Well, that's when they handed me my adoption paperwork. And they, you know, they hadn't reviewed the paper, the file in. In a long time, clearly. And, you know, I went through with a fine tooth comb. And the thing that hit me the most wasn't the fact that I had been abandoned that way, but that my birth date was not my birth date, because that was. Yeah. Something that we cling on to as our identity, you know?
- [19:56]
A
Sure, sure. And astrology, etc.
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B
Yes, exactly. And the birthday they gave me is December 16th 16th, nine days before Christmas. So they chose a birthday that is, like, one of the more difficult times of year to have a birthday, so.
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A
Well, because they get. Oh, here are your gifts for Christmas and your birthday.
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B
Yes. Birthmas.
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A
Oh, God, that's so. You know, that sucks.
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B
It's like. Yeah, it does. And so. But that was the part that at that age, that's what hit me the most, was, like, my birthday. Come on. You know, because I used to always fight to be recognized on my birthday, being it. That's so close to Christmas. And, like, all this heartbreak over this birthday is not even mine.
- [20:41]
A
Well, let me ask this. Your parents were Japanese. Here, you're of Korean descent, but did you know that they weren't your parents all along or. Okay, so they announced that early on because.
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B
And they were so much older than my friend's parents. And at that time, people weren't having kids that, you know, at later ages. So they, Their appearance, even though we were all Asian, it was very different than other people's parents. They look more like grandparents.
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A
Yeah. Because most white people, and I've lived in Asia so many years, I can tell a Korean from a Japanese from a Chinese from a Filipino in two seconds. And a tie, typically, I mean, you can make errors, but there's a distinct physical difference. But most white people can't tell the difference.
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B
They just think, oh, yeah, correct, correct, correct. Yeah. But a lot of Asian people can't help the difference, though, between difference, you know, differences in European descent. Right, sure. It's all the same.
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A
So then you found out when you were a junior in high school, they laid it on you. Did that serve as a catalyst? Did it depress you? What were your emotions associated with that, that event? That's pretty traumatic, I would say.
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B
Yeah. You know, and that's. I think that's, you know, when you're at that age, at least for me in teenage years, everything's dramatic.
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A
Yes.
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B
Yeah, everything's a lot more dramatic. And so, you know, that's when I started to tell myself, I don't belong or I'm not connected. And when you don't know your own birth story, you start making them up. And so during my lifetime, and not just the birth date, so I always knew I didn't know my birth story. I knew I had been adopted. So I've had three birth stories in my life, you know, because you make up your own birth story if you don't know your birth story. So I've had three Gee.
- [22:38]
A
Many Christmas. Yeah. I'm seeing you as a 16, 17 year old girl getting this very large hair.
- [22:46]
B
This is the 80s. So if you're seeing this, get your really large hair. Aquanet. Hairspray.
- [22:51]
A
Oh, Aquanet. All right. Yeah, that's one from the past. Whatever works. And you have a podcast. Tell us about your podcast.
- [23:02]
B
So the podcast is An Imperfectly Perfect Life with Sherry Lead. And so I started this actually during my divorce because I thought, okay, I'm doing this in real times because this is a time I could help other people because I hadn't taken a paycheck at that point. I'd been divorced for. I married for 27 years. I knew we had to. I was going to lose my family home. I knew I had to figure out how, where to, how to earn money, how to, where to live next, you know, could I get a mortgage? All of this stuff, I thought, okay, if I'm going to do this, I should do this now where the feelings are real and I could actually maybe help somebody going through the same reinvention, same figuring this stuff out. So I always say, you know, start, just start, start ugly. It's so much easier to make something ugly, pretty. You can't make perfection better. So I started this podcast when I filed for divorce and now I'm on season three and it's now going on to YouTube as well. And this season is my season of moving at age 55 from Seattle, where I've lived all my life, to Dallas and seeing how I establish community there, how I network buying my home. This is the first home, even though this is my fourth home as a homeowner. This is my first home buying by myself.
- [24:20]
A
Are you single living there or are any of your kids with you?
- [24:23]
B
Yeah, no, they're adults now. So it's me doing this and I never, you know, I happened to find a new build house. Never had a new build in my life. But there's little things. Like I walked through the build and I was looking at this whole hole in the kitchen and all of a sudden it's like, I need to buy a refrigerator. I mean, I've never had to think of these things on my own ever. Or had to really plan finances or have a financial advisor. So these are all the things that at age 55, I'm doing for the first time on my own. And so that's what this podcast is about this season. And I'm inviting different experts to come on, like a financial planner, a divorce attorney, you know what else? Who else? A real estate agent, a broker, you know, gain mortgages. If you've been a stay at home parent. All these different little things that come up that are really life skills that you may never have had to do, you know, most of your adult life until this big midlife plot twist.
- [25:21]
A
Well, welcome to your next chapter. We'll just deem it as your next chapter. New season, new chapter in Sherry's life. And it's a new season for your podcast. And you've also put these experiences to print, to pen to paper. Show us your books.
- [25:39]
B
Okay, so my first book is Pink and I don't have that with me because I'm packing.
- [25:43]
A
That's fine.
- [25:44]
B
So yeah, the first book was when I was between 49 and 50. I sat down with 50 women to tell them what I learned from them. And it became a book. That's when I started this career. Then I have make your mess your message, which was a book that came out I wrote during the pandemic.
- [26:00]
A
Okay.
- [26:01]
B
Then my publisher said, you have a series. I said, but that's stupid. No one has a series with two books. So that's when the third book was born of that series. It's called the Friendship Series. This is. Ask yourself this. Those are three books of the Friendship Series. But my big book that I'm really, really proud of, where I learned to write at this point is table for 51. And this is my story about my travels across the US Where I sat down in every state with a stranger and shared a meal.
- [26:32]
A
What does 51 mean?
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B
51. I'm the 51st table. So there were, you know, table for. I'm the 51. Because I sat with 50 different women, one woman in each state.
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A
Okay. All right. So I. Yeah, I need to understand that.
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B
Yeah. But the funny thing about this title, I don't know if I say that title again, because there's so many times I've been seeing that the Table, where someone has introduced me, like, in a social situation, and they say, Sherry has traveled to all 51 states. And I've got. There's 50 states.
- [27:05]
A
Well, Canada could be the 51st, depending on it Could.
- [27:09]
B
It could be. You never know. So maybe I'm just thinking ahead, but, yeah, that's Canada.
- [27:14]
A
Oh, my God. It's never going to happen.
- [27:17]
B
Yeah. This one woman said. Who said that? Who? She kept on saying, Sherry's been to 51 states. Sherry's been to. And I. At that point, I couldn't correct her, but then she said, you know, I only have three states left. And I'm thinking in my head, you might only have two.
- [27:32]
A
Oh, that's fun. That's funny. That's funny. Well, Sherry, you've been a fantastic guest. I love. We got into the personal story. We. I didn't know. I've never gone there. And I've had about. I've got about 160 interviews under my belt for my podcast, my TV show, much, much more. But the podcast. Haven't gone there. It's just. It's fun. Yeah, because you're relatable. I went through my own single exploration at age 45. Now I'm 65. So I've got, well, almost 20 years. 19 years since my divorce coming up. Gosh, in a few months, be 20 years. And I'll just say this. Why did I get divorced? It was worth it, you know.
- [28:17]
B
Yeah. Yeah. That Maserati was nothing compared to the life after. Right?
- [28:22]
A
Oh my gosh. Well, I had a very good life because, you know, nobody when they say I do plans on I don't and I do was a lot easier. You have a big smile. But the smile I had with I don't was greater because getting away from that situation because the divorce process is a tearing of flesh. I don't know. Too many people say, oh, it was peaceful, it was easy. I'd do it again. No, I hear you and I'm one and done. I don't know if I could do it again maybe. But you know, we could talk about the whole dating the apps thing, which was new for me as well. And dating younger people, that was a shocker because my ex wife was older than me and not by a lot, but it was. It was a completely different experience. And maybe another time we'll have that as a fun topic.
- [29:24]
B
Yeah, we should.
- [29:25]
A
You're easy to talk to. You've been a great guest. And Sherry, what's the name of your podcast?
- [29:30]
B
Once again, it's an imperfectly perfect life love. And actually the easiest way to find anything that I'm involved in is just my name. Sherry. Sherry Lead.
- [29:42]
A
L E I D. Okay.
- [29:44]
B
L E I D. Yes.
- [29:45]
A
Sherry, you've been great. Thank you so much for your time today. You certainly met the name of the podcast. An amazing authority and I wish you the best.
- [29:54]
B
Thank you.
- [29:56]
A
Thanks for tuning in to the Amazing Authorities podcast. If today's episode inspired you, take a moment to subscribe, rate and leave a review. It helps more experts like you rise to the top for behind the scenes access and free resources to boost your authority. Head to MitchCarson.com until next time, stay amazing.