Why Punishment Fails: The Parenting Shift That Builds Emotionally Strong Kids

Summary

Podcast Summary: Why Punishment Fails—The Parenting Shift That Builds Emotionally Strong Kids

The Amazing Authorities Podcast
Host: Mitch Carson
Guests: Dr. Susan Thompson (author, “Parenting the Rules”), Barbara Wainwright (life coach)
Date: April 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

This practice-focused episode takes listeners behind the scenes as Dr. Susan Thompson and coach Barbara Wainwright, guided by Mitch Carson, rehearse strategies and sound bites for impactful media interviews centered on emotionally healthy parenting. The discussion deeply explores why conventional punishment—like timeouts—fails children, and how parents can shift to emotionally attuned methods that foster resilience and trust. Guidance is also given on effective message delivery for experts aiming to boost their authority through media.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Why Children Throw Tantrums—and Why Timeouts Fail

(First segment: 04:19–05:44, 15:56–16:50, 25:49–27:10)

• Dr. Thompson’s core message: Tantrums signal unmet needs—such as hunger, tiredness, or emotional distress—that parents often overlook.
• On timeouts: “Timeout puts a sick, sad child in a place that’s alone. You solve no problems. Does not help the child. It helps the parent, not the child.”
  (Susan Thompson, 16:40)
• Recommended approach: Anticipate and respond to the child's needs instead of isolating them, which only reinforces distress.
• Quote: “Children throw tantrums because they're in some kind of distress… They're not getting their needs met at all. The parent is just ignoring all these needs.”
  (Susan Thompson, 16:13)

2. The Power of Apologizing to Children

(Segments: 05:54–06:35, 17:00–17:29, 27:15–27:41)

• Why it matters: Apologizing breaks cycles of shame and models accountability.
• Emotional impact: When parents apologize for past mistakes, it opens a door for children to express previously unhealed feelings.
• Quote: “How would you feel if your parents came to you and said, 'We made some mistakes and we want to apologize'… I want to be here for you. I want to help heal the past.”
  (Susan Thompson, 05:54)
• Host reaction: “Oh my god, that feels good right there.”
  (Barbara Wainwright, 27:41)

3. The Harm of Conditional Love

(Segments: 06:49–07:55, 17:43–18:18, 27:55–28:48)

• Dr. Thompson’s definition: “Conditional love is extremely toxic. …I believe it to be conditional manipulation.”
• Consequences: When love is withheld for control, children experience abandonment, develop shame, and lose self-worth.
• Quote: “If you do it consistently, you have a very low self-esteem individual with a lot of shame and a lot of pain.”
  (Susan Thompson, 28:27)

4. Emotional Safety—What Children Really Need

(Segments: 18:28–19:13, 29:00–29:42)

• Definition: Emotional safety means children can voice all feelings—anger, sadness, fear—without retaliation or withdrawal.
• How parents can provide it: Empathize first, allow children to express unhappiness or disagreement without fear.
• Quote: “One of the most important things that creates emotional safety in a home is when a child can come to a parent and say, ‘I’m really angry with you’…and the parent…goes, ‘Okay, tell me more about it.’ That’s emotional safety.”
  (Susan Thompson, 18:49)

5. Responding to Teen Mistakes Without Shame

(Segment: 19:25–19:46)

• Strategy: Avoid shaming and punitive grounding. Instead, open a dialogue to support the teen in understanding and resolving issues.
• Quote: “The last thing a teenager needs is shame, grounding, feeling terrible… A parent needs to sit down with that child, ‘Why did you do this? What happened? How can I help you?’”
  (Susan Thompson, 19:25)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the parent’s role: “It’s the duty of the parent to anticipate children’s needs.” (Susan Thompson, 04:45)
• On conditional love: “It shouldn’t even be called conditional love… it’s manipulation. Love is unconditional.” (Susan Thompson, 06:49)
• On apologies: “If you can tell me anything you want, I will listen. You can be angry, sad, afraid. I want to be here for you.” (Susan Thompson, 05:54)
• On emotional safety: “Children need connection, not separation, not alienation.” (Susan Thompson, 26:40)
• Host’s endorsement: “These are so important tools that are available in your book. Can’t wait to read it.” (Barbara Wainwright, 29:42)

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Timestamps for Core Segments

• Introduction and coaching context: 00:31–03:23
• Why tantrums happen & timeout critiques: 04:29–04:45, 15:59–16:50, 25:49–27:10
• The impact of apologizing to children: 05:54–06:35, 17:00–17:29, 27:15–27:41
• Conditional love and its consequences: 06:49–07:55, 17:43–18:18, 27:55–28:48
• Defining emotional safety: 18:28–19:13, 29:00–29:42
• Handling teen transgressions: 19:25–19:46
• Guest/host role reversals and on-air feedback: 31:02–42:59

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Tone & Delivery Guidance (Behind the Scenes)

The episode provides rare live coaching insight for thought leaders preparing for high-visibility interviews. Host Mitch Carson repeatedly encourages:

• Conciseness: “Sound bites. Sound bites.” (Mitch Carson, 14:54)
• Presence: “Smile… please show your teeth.” (Mitch Carson, 10:15)
• Animation: “Hand gestures prove you’re connecting.” (Mitch Carson, 20:33)
• Self-advocacy: “You have to be in charge of your interview…” (Mitch Carson, 24:59)

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Final Thoughts

This episode blends actionable parenting psychology with real-world tips for experts aiming to raise their authority on media platforms. Dr. Thompson’s compassionate, research-backed approach calls for a decisive break from punitive discipline, urging parents to lead with empathy, open communication, and unconditional acceptance—vital ingredients for raising emotionally resilient kids and connecting authentically as influencers.

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To learn more, check out Dr. Susan Thompson’s book, “Parenting the Rules,” available now.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Amazing Authorities podcast where game changers, visionaries and category leaders share how they built their brands, platforms and global influence. Your host is Mitch Carson, international speaker, media strategist and creator of the Instant Authority system. If you're ready to learn from those who've done it and want to become the go to expert in your space, you're in the right place.

[B]

Recording this practice session with Dr. Susan Thompson and Barbara Wainwright, coach extraordinaire, where we're going to go through mock interviews and today I'm going to be an observant and I'm going to wear the coach hat. The participants in this play by play today are the two ladies in front of us. So Barbara, your role and then you're going to switch hats is you are the host. Since you've done interviewing before and you've been, you've done some TV segments. As a matter of fact, we met through the training of Michael. Yeah, Michael really ran it, but Ann was the figurehead. But it was really Michael that had the TV background some years ago. You're going to interview Susan.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. So the floor is yours. Ask the, the questions. I'm going to run a clock and I'm going to signal you. I'm going to put my hand up. That means 30 seconds is left. We're going four minutes. Oh, so it's a good practice session. This is practice, ladies.

[D]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm going to count. So when I get to three and a half minutes, once we do the start, you're going to jump right in and just start with Susan Thompson, welcome to the show. Something along those lines. Okay. Dr. Susan Thompson, welcome to the show. And once you open your mouth, my clock starts. It's that precise. Okay.

[C]

Okay, quick question.

[B]

Yes, go ahead.

[C]

Do we go through all five questions in three?

[B]

No, you have four minutes. It's your, your job, your latitude, your choice as a host to pick which questions you want.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Unlikely to get through more than three questions in a four minute segment.

[C]

Gotcha. Okay.

[B]

Okay. So you pick whatever you want and then you can anticipate the answers that are there because she provided them if you choose to. Or you can dig in, you might only have an opportunity to go through one question. If it's about spanking your kids, which could be a half hour segment to an hour alone if you want. What kind of paddle do you use? Is it a switch from the tree? Is it, you know, all of those things go into great depth. But I think you, you understand it's four Minutes.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

Three and a half minutes. I'm going to give you the three sign. This is just practice. And then it's going to be your turn. And then Susan's going to be the host. And then we're going to then go. Yes. Until we get it down pat, it's second nature. That way you folks nail it come Monday.

[C]

Got it?

[B]

Okay. So when you go ahead, Susan, I

[D]

just want to say that if I answer the first five questions in less than three and a half minutes, which is possible, then you can go on to the next set.

[B]

Well, let's just do this one set now. If you have.

[D]

All right, just the one set for right now.

[B]

Send me the first set again after. But let's go through this. I don't want to confuse the issue. Let's focus right here. Let's do this.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And we're gonna do this a couple times, ladies, to where, okay, you've put in the reps. Your biceps are bulging before you go in on Monday.

[C]

Okay? All right.

[B]

All right. So, Barbara, it's up to you. I'm going to count you in. I'm the. I'm strictly the director. My job is director today. You're the host for right now. So we are about ready to go live. Barbara Wainwright. 3, 2, 1.

[C]

I am so excited and delighted to welcome Dr. Susan Thompson to the show today. Welcome, Susan.

[D]

I'm glad to be here. Thank you for having me.

[C]

I love your new book, Parenting the Rules. And I noticed in there you talk about when a child throws tantrums regularly, what is the behavior really telling the parents? And why do you not advocate for a timeout?

[D]

When children throw tantrums, it's generally because the parent is ignoring their needs. As they're going along, the children might be tired, hungry, upset about something, and the parent is just ignoring that child. And the child then needs to increase his behavior to get the parent's attention. And it turns in. It can turn into a tantrum. So a child has needs and that's why they throw tantrums. Needs that a parent is not meeting. However, timeout people want to say, oh, well, the child threw a tantrum, he needs to go on timeout. Well, now you've left a child who is hungry, sick, tired, something upset, and you're going to put them alone, teaches nothing, creates more pain for the child and maybe even creates more tantrums. And if you reinforce that tantrum behavior, that's all you're going to get. So you have to meet that. You have to anticipate children's needs. It's the duty of the parent to do so.

[C]

Yes, I so agree. In your book, you also emphasize apologizing to children. And why is that so powerful?

[D]

Well, I think the best way to explain that is that how would you feel or how would anyone feel if their parents came to them and said, you know, we made some mistakes with you and we want to apologize. I think we didn't help you when you needed help when you were a teenager and you were having a really tough time. We just ignored you, we grounded you. These were mistakes. And I want to apologize. I want to tell you that I maybe loved you conditionally, which was another mistake. And if you can tell me anything you want, I will listen. You can be angry, sad, afraid. I want to be here for you. I want to help heal the past.

[C]

I love hearing that. What is the emotional cost to a child when that love is conditional? Because it does happen. When it's conditional with affection or privileges get taken away, what happens then?

[D]

Well, conditional love is extremely toxic. And I, I, it shouldn't even be called conditional love because it, it's not love, it's manipulation. Love is unconditional. However, a lot of parents use conditional manipulation in order to control their children. And this, what happens with the child is that they get abandoned and it creates shame. So if you don't, aren't responding to your child in a way that they feel connected to you, they feel, they're, they're ashamed, they're, they're alone. They feel like if I don't do exactly what you say, I won't be loved. Therefore, I have no value except in that I have to do what you say. There's my value as a person, as an independent person. Five years old, 15 years old, I essentially have no value to you except that I'm doing, I'm pleasing you, not myself.

[C]

Terrific. In a few words, what would you recommend parents do if they're struggling with a difficult child?

[D]

Which age?

[C]

Five or six? Five or six.

[D]

Well, it depends on what that difficulty is. If the all children are seeking attachment attunement, haven't been feeling attuned to their parents.

[B]

We're at a commercial break. We're right into. Our advertiser right now is Deloitte and Tush is sponsoring this program for Las Vegas. Now we've just had Susan Thompson, Ph.D. as our guest. And Deloitte and Touche loves the fact that there was a book talking about parenting. We're parents too. I, I'm just using this as it Went fast, didn't it?

[C]

Yeah, it did. It did. You got through the answer to number three. And then it was like. I knew. I saw the hand go up. I'm like, Whoa, we got 30 seconds. What can we do quick? And I was like, okay, well, that's

[B]

why I gave you the 32nd warning. I'm the director talking in your ear on set. You've got to wrap it up. So that's when I wrote. You saw my three fingers. I hope I did okay.

[D]

Yeah, I thought that meant three. That we were at three minutes.

[B]

No, no, I'm just using that, like 30 seconds left, so.

[D]

Okay, so that was a mistake of mine.

[B]

No, it's not. No. This is all. We're being recorded. You'll be able to go, you did not make a mistake. I purposely ran the podcast. Now we're getting concise and here, here's some feedback. Barbara, you did a great job. Now. Yeah, be mindful of. Because I like how you responded to her feedback. Brilliant. That's a great host. If I would, I would make one request out of you, Susan.

[D]

Brevity.

[B]

You are explanatory in a nice way. That's great in a. In a facilitative setting. But in this particular case, this is television. Four minutes. Shorten it, shorten it. And there's something else. You happen to be a beautiful lady with real teeth. Please smile. Okay, I want to see.

[D]

I get pretty serious about you.

[B]

Yes, you're a fun, nice lady. The first time I met you, I said, oh, my God. She's a bit stoic, but you're actually a pretty nice, very nice. Not pretty nice. A very nice, kind woman. Please show your smile, Barbara. Yours comes out more easily. And Susan, I'm sure I'm not the first person that's ever giving you that feedback. And I don't mean in a bad way. I like you. I really do. I want to see that smile. It comes from Orange county via Arizona, but. Okay, okay.

[D]

It's hard to talk a smile when you're talking about abandonment, you know, or

[B]

at least I'm just. When you're greeted to the show, I want to see your teeth.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. Show the smile. Now. Part two, feedback. Where's your book?

[D]

Right here.

[B]

Not you, Barbara. You're not on. You're not the one. Okay, So I want you to have. Yeah, now we're on a podcast. We're on. We're on zoom. Obviously. Here. This is a mock interview. We're going to do this again. That was take one. We're Going to do take two in a second, still recording. So you can review all this when you talk about your book. Susan, hold it up. Remember, fingernails are not covering any portion of the COVID It's covering your heart. Barbara, this is feedback for you also. Okay, your hands are back. Let me grab. Here's a book. Like I said, this is a client that was in town I interviewed yesterday on a podcast. It's here. Over your heart, ladies. Over your heart here. So show the whole book. It's hard to do that on the screen because we're on zoom. But in in studio, I want you to show your book if it's not on the easel. Now, different studios. For example, the first studio that you're both going to be on over in Sinclair Broadcasting, that's where NBC and the cw. Barbara, you're doing a CW segment. They don't necessarily have an easel and a table. It's two high chairs. You might standing. You might either be standing or sitting on stools, not high chairs. That's for kids. And, and we will practice for that for Susan, when you go to the ABC on Tuesday morning, you will be seated. And you could be barefooted. You won't, but they won't see you below your knees. You're going to be sitting on a couch. Two hosts are going to be sitting over there. Each set is different, but Channel eight, which is the live session on Monday afternoon, which I hope you're able to attend, Barbara, will be very good footage for you to take, photos as well, accompanying your friend to go to that. He's already put your name on the list. I need your husband's name. The Channel 8 is you are. You could be seated or you could be standing on high chairs or on stools. They are the set. I don't know where you're going to go in the order you're prepared for all of it. That's why we're going through this. But if they put your book on an easel, all you have to do is point at it.

[D]

Okay?

[B]

Okay. And for you, Barbara, they won't have an easel. The set that they use at Sinclair is you're definitely either standing, depending on the host, and it's a height issue. I'm six feet tall and the host that interviewed me the last time I was there in September, he was maybe 5, 4. So they, they actually gave him a, a, a platform to stand on, so he was at eye level with me. So funny.

[C]

You were still waist down then.

[B]

Yeah, well, he was, he was smaller, which is Fine. He did a good job.

[D]

But that.

[B]

So be prepared for all these scenarios. So have your book ready to show on the air and. Or it might be on an easel. In Susan's case, when she does the two live segments, she could be seated or could be standing. But at abc, which is Tuesday morning for you, Susan, which is the morning Blend show, you will definitely be seated.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Because you're taller than both the hosts.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. They're, they're, they're, they're smaller type people. Excellent. These are all, they're all professionals of what they do. So let's, let's go back and do this again. I'm going to reset the clock and I want you. I've got a. Oh, I got to turn my phone back on because somebody called me. So let me do this. We're going to reset and we're gonna go again.

[C]

Okay. All right.

[D]

And then same questions or same thing? Same.

[B]

Identical. I want you to get comfortable with this. We'll do the second round of questions later, but right now, let's nail this. You're comfortable. You've got it. And think SB Sound bites. Sound bites. So I'm going to. Let me do this again. Dismiss. Okay. Let me reset. And when you are introduced, Susan, please smile. Thank you so much. You spent a lot of money at that, Dennis. Let's, let's show it.

[C]

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

[B]

Okay. So, Barbara, I'm an account. And we're going to come back in once again, really good job. Ladies, round two, three, two.

[C]

Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Today I am here with Dr. Susan Thompson, the author of Parenting the Rules. And I'm so delighted to meet you, Susan, welcome.

[D]

Thank you so much, Barbara. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you.

[C]

Yes. So in your book, you talked about children throwing tantrums, and the best way to handle that, what is that behavior really telling the parents? And why don't you advocate for a timeout?

[D]

Children throw tantrums because they're in some kind of distress. Right. They're hungry, they need the parents attention. They're sick, they're fatigued. There could be a myriad of things. They throw tantrums because they're not getting their needs met at all. The parent is just ignoring all these needs. Okay. And timeout is used because the parent doesn't know what else to do except for, oh, they're throwing a tantrum. I learned I needed to put them in timeout. But timeout puts a six sad child in a place that's alone. You solve no Problems does not help the child. It helps the parent, not the child.

[C]

Right. Especially if they don't know what to do.

[D]

Right.

[C]

So.

[D]

Right.

[C]

In your book you also emphasize apologizing to children and that it's a very powerful thing to do. Can you explain that?

[D]

Well, I can only think if you think to yourself, what if your parents came to you one day and said, you know, we want to apologize for the mistakes we made with you. We feel like when you were a teenager, we really kind of ignored the struggles you were having. We want to make up, we want to make up to you. We want to, we want to ask for your forgiveness and we're hoping that we can become more connected. I think we have some disconnect between us and I think it comes from the past.

[C]

That makes a lot of sense. What is the emotional cost, would you say to a child when love becomes conditional or affection or privilege, privileges are withdrawn for their behavior?

[D]

The term is used, is conditional love. However, I believe it to be conditional manipulation. And what happens to a child is that that child, when they're manipulated in that way, feel abandoned. And any child experiences any form of abandonment, ends up feeling shame. Shame means you're, you feel flawed, you feel defined, effective, your own parents are not paying attention to you, not meeting your needs. And the emotional cost is lower. Lowered self esteem and resentment and anger toward the parent.

[C]

Wow, that's a tough one for both the parents and the children. My goodness. So what does emotional safety feel like from a child's perspective?

[D]

Emotional safety means that the child in the home can tell both parents everything that they feel at any time. So the child may be sad, maybe they lost a friend and they can come to the parents and the parent can empathize, or they may be somebody hurt their feelings and they can come and say, you know, Sally hurt my feelings and I'm sad. And then the parent can empathize. But one of the most important things that creates emotional safety in a home is when a child can come to a parent and say, I'm really angry with you because you didn't let me go to the dance. And I, you know, I'm going to stay angry with you for at least a week. And so the parent goes, okay, tell me more about it. That's emotional safety.

[C]

All right, I have one last question for you. And that's when a teen makes a potentially life changing mistake like drinking, lying, breaking trust, how should a parent respond without shaming?

[D]

The last thing a teenager needs is shame, grounding, feeling terrible about they're Already in a predicament. A parent needs to sit down with that child. Why did you do this? What happened? What can I. How can I help you? How can I lean into this problem and let's solve it together. Grounding a child is very similar to timeout. They learn nothing. It does no good.

[B]

Your time is out. Okay, so let's. Let me stop my clock.

[C]

Yeah. We got through all five questions.

[B]

You did. Now, one more thing. And this isn't about you becoming a host overnight. Just for. This is also for Susan's training because you're going to be switching roles in a minute. After one more time, there's a little more feedback. I don't lay it on thick right at the beginning. So we got to smile. Excellent. We showed. You showed your grill. Excellent. You use pearl drops. Love it. Remember that toothpaste.

[C]

Remember pearl drops? I used to love those.

[B]

Don't make them anymore. All right. So you showed the. The pearly whites. Excellent. What I want to see. Which will. In. In hand gestures a little bit.

[D]

Hand gestures.

[B]

I want you to animate and use. Okay. It'll help expression. It's hand gestures. Prove you're. I want you to loosen up and go ahead and talk a little bit with your hands. You don't have to pretend you're Italian yet. Somewhere between Anglo to Italian. So we're gonna use a little bit of the. The hands to connect.

[D]

Connect hands. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I wasn't sure that would. That would be like abs.

[B]

Absolutely. No, no, no. You don't have to be Italian. You don't have to do this. None of this. But you can certainly don't pick your teeth.

[C]

Just.

[B]

Yeah. Talk. Hey. Punishing your child or move your head a little bit. All right. These are just small tweaks that we're making a little bit improved.

[D]

I appreciate it.

[B]

Okay, so, Barbara, we're gonna go again. When I mention this. You gotta wrap up. You're in charge. It's your show.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[D]

It's her turn.

[B]

It's her. Well, not yet. You're. You're going through. She's got to know. This is. I'm the director in your ear. I've just told you. We got 30 seconds. This. I'm doing the hand gesture versus. You're going to be aware of your earplug. You know this.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

The pro. And Susan, you. I want you to be cognizant of four minutes because at CBS in the afternoon on Monday, it flies.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

You might only be three minutes. It's the discretion of the host and the director, how many advertisers they have in on a specific day. You're an added guest, so they might squeeze you. I've seen as. As fast as two and a half minutes. Well, I'm just talking. That's live TV recorded, ladies. The first in the morning session at 10:15, you've got a. That's when they're going to pull you into the green room and take you in. Both of you will be taken into the studio at the same time. So you could take photos and videos and all this. I'll have all your names cleared up. Four minutes is fine. You might even have slightly more time by 4 minutes and 10 seconds. Not as strict. Live TV is a completely different game.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This will prepare for it. But I want you to go through animate a little bit. Susan, go ahead and move around. Barbara. I think it's a more innate with you. You tend to animate and, and seem to have a little more dramatic in your demeanor. Yeah. And it's, it's just who you are. And Susan, I want to bring that out in you a tad more. Okay. You smiled. Great. You answered concisely, competently. Be aware, when I do this, Barbara, it's now your job to. To herd the cats.

[C]

Got you. Okay.

[B]

You got to herd her in and bring it in there. That's been great. So these are great tools that we can learn about in your book. You have 20 rules or 20 principles in your book. So to learn more, they can find out about the book. This is a book PR spot.

[D]

So do. Do I need to be saying that at the end?

[B]

It's her job. It's her job.

[D]

It's her job. Okay.

[B]

I'm letting. I'm coaching her simultaneously.

[D]

Oh, you're coaching Barbara. Yeah.

[B]

So that gets hit. And you will have your book there to show. Now, Susan, keep this in mind. If for some reason I can always edit in for the recorded sessions. We can edit in artwork, we can edit in quotes, we can edit in B roll. All of that's fixable in live tv, which are two of your segments. There is no redo. It's live one and done. So it is your responsibility to make sure your book is mentioned. Oh, yes. And I. There are opportunities for you to insert that. In my book. I cover Boom Boom in my book. I cover this in chapter one about smacking your kids or scolding my kids. So whatever it is, you get my point.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

If they don't say that, remember, you're one of multiple guests. They're doing on any given day.

[D]

Right.

[B]

They are fallible. They're human. Most of the time, they're great. Sometimes they're not. You have to be in charge of your interview. That's why we're going through this, because you're going to say after. Okay, I. I should have said this. No, no. There are no shoulders.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Shoulds. If you should on somebody, you step in it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So let's. Let's avoid this. Yeah, yeah. We're not going to be shooting at anybody.

[C]

Yeah, no shooting

[B]

where we're preparing. I like preparing. Preparation needs perfection. So that's why we're gonna do this. Okay, Barbara, I'm gonna count again. Be cognizant of when I do this. Your job is to wrap up.

[C]

Got it?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So let me start this once again. And I'm going to go three, two, one.

[C]

I'm in the studio here with Dr. Susan Thompson today. I'm delighted. She's the author of Parenting the Rules and she has some good information for us. Susan, I am curious. When a child throws a tantrum regularly, what is that behavior really telling the parents?

[D]

When a child throws a tantrum, the parent is not being aware of the child being in distress. They are either tired or hungry or sick. They may be in a bad mood. Somebody may have said something mean to them and the parent is ignoring it. And so. And if the. If the child cannot get the parent's attention, they will escalate their behavior until they get it. And sometimes that ends up in a tantrum.

[C]

And so do you. You recommend they put them in timeout or what do they do?

[D]

I don't at all recommend timeout. I do recommend timeout for the parent because sometimes the parent needs the timeout. If they're upset and they're overly wrought for some reason, they can take a break. But for children, timeout is an isolation. It's a prison. They're alone. They have no problem solving skills, and they really, really need the parent in the time when they're throwing a tantrum. They need connection, not separation, not alienation.

[C]

Absolutely.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

In your book, you emphasize apologizing to children. Why is that so powerful?

[D]

Well, Barbara, I'd like you to consider what it would be like if your parents came to you and said, hey, you know, we made some mistakes with you when we were parenting and we want to apologize. I think we hurt your feelings when you were a teenager. I remember when you broke up with that boyfriend and you were in a lot of pain. And I just think I ignored it and I Want to apologize for that because I love you and I want you to know how much I love you.

[C]

Oh my God, that feels good right there. So what's the emotional cause to a child when love is conditional and affection and privileges get withdrawn and, and maybe it's because they did something.

[D]

Well, conditional love is very, is, is the wrong term. Although I use it, I do use it in my book Parenting the Rules, conditional love. Everyone understand term but really what it is is conditional manipulation. Love is unconditional. That means no matter what the child does, you never remove love. You may say how you feel. You may be upset with them, you may be angry, maybe hurt. You may be sad, you may even be afraid. And you're allowed to tell the child that. But you cannot withdraw your love from them because now they're alone, they're abandoned. They feel shame. Anytime a child's abandoned, shame comes in. And that shame will control that child's life. It binds all the feelings together. And now everything's based on shame. And if you do it consistently, you have a very low self esteem individual with a lot of shame and a lot of pain.

[C]

Oh yeah, that's not, not good at all. What is emotional safety? Because that's what we're talking about here is emotional safety for the child. So from a child's perspective, what does that feel like?

[D]

Well, from what a child really wants is from their parents is that they, they feel connected, they feel safe, they can say anything they want to them. They can say, you know, I, my best friend just dumped me and it doesn't like me at all anymore. I'm devastated. And that parent has compassion. So they, they want to share their own experiences and connect with the parent. But even more important than that is the child has feeling toward the parent. And that I'm sad because you did this. I'm hurt because you did that. And particularly what's really difficult for parents, that they're angry and you need to listen and you need to not back away.

[C]

These are so important tools that are available in your book. Can't wait to read it.

[D]

I think you ought to. I think you'd like it

[B]

much better. Susan, Massive improvement. Barbara, you almost got wound up. It's a little bit tight. You're not Job is not as a host. I mean this takes practice. But you transition nicely. Susan, you smiled, you used your hands a few times. I think you're 1 16th Sicilian. And it, and it showed. It came through from the Kenichi family. So that, yeah, you, you, you did a great job. Big how do you feel?

[D]

I don't. I feel I'm, you know, each time we do this, it's helping me.

[B]

Right.

[D]

I'm starting to understand what I need to do.

[B]

Exactly.

[D]

You know, I guess completely understand it. So this is definitely helping.

[B]

Oh, massively. All right, good. We're still on record. Susan.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This is how you're going to learn even better as well, because you're going to be okay. You are now the host.

[D]

I do know that.

[B]

Barbara Wainwright. Okay. And I'm going to hit the clock, and we're gonna do this.

[D]

Okay. Before we hit the clock, I. I need to know which question I'm supposed to ask. It's a long introduction.

[C]

The introduction.

[B]

Pick the introduction.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Too long. That was also feedback for you, Barbara. They'll never have time to read that.

[C]

That's what I figured as much. It was huge.

[B]

Give that a toss. So, Susan, now, I, I. You saw how this went. Barbara did a really good job as a host.

[D]

Yeah, she did.

[B]

She did a really good job.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Now it's your turn to do a really good job.

[D]

All right. I hope I can do.

[B]

You don't have time for introduction. You're going to use what comes to you intrinsically, how you're going. You know her? I rarely. I haven't done this before where I had two people. You both know each other. That's why I'm doing this. You're comfortable and it'll help you. And I'm just the coach role today. So now you know her. Introduce her in five to 10 seconds as you know her, and then go right into the. The question. Welcome her to the show, and boom, right in.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

All right, so I'm going to count. If you're ready, let me know. Three, two.

[D]

Hello, Barbara. I'd like to welcome you to the show. I know you, and you are a professional life coach and quite a good one I've heard from many people that I know.

[C]

Thank you so much. I'm delighted to be here, Susan.

[D]

Okay, well, if I have some questions for you, and the first one is, if someone watching this show feels stuck and we're gonna. You're gonna be the coach, right? Professionally, spiritually, or emotionally? What would you say directly to them?

[C]

I'd say get a coach on board so that you can take steps forward. Hire a coach. Now, if someone is stuck, it's typically because they haven't really checked in with their heart center and who they are and what they are called to do. They might have been told to go out, get a Corporate job, you know, be a lawyer, a doctor, whatever. So they got years of school, but they haven't really sat down, said, but what do I really want? What's my calling? What's important to me? What should I be doing? And those are the kinds of questions that a coach would be asking them to help get them align with who they are spiritually.

[D]

Okay, well, I can tell that this is a, A very powerful thing for you that you feel like you change people's lives with this.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

When you, when you think about the future of coaching, however, and your role in shaping it, what impact do you have hope to leave?

[C]

Well, I'm thinking about the future. I really hope that more and more people do get attuned to what it is that they are called to do. You know, I know that sometimes it takes a long time to find your purpose and find your passion. I mean, it could take years. However, until you do that, until you land on it, there'll be something missing in your life. So the future that I hope that we get to experience here is a time where people know their purpose, know their value, and they're stepping into who they're called to be so that we all have a. A really, I don't know. I'm looking for world peace, to be honest.

[D]

Okay. You speak often about divine purpose. Was there a moment in your life when you realized you were walking in yours?

[C]

Oh, that's a great question. Yes, absolutely. You know, I was searching for about 10 years. What was it that I was supposed to be doing? Because I had so many different avenues that I went down. I started in software, so I was definitely a computer geek. But from there I was taking classes on angel therapy, channeling, chronic healing, crystal healing. I did looked into neuro linguistic programming. And so I was just like, what is it that I'm supposed to be doing? And I tried each one of those. I did it, you know, put my toe in the water on all of them. But when I landed on coaching, it just was a big wow. Oh my God, is this it? I'm waiting for a confirmation and I got it and I jumped in.

[D]

Very good. And then you, since you've been this coach for quite a long time and you've decided to write a book called Awakening to Divine Purpose. Can you tell me what, what is, what's the main theme of this book? How are you going to awaken?

[C]

Great question. You know, and like I said, it takes a lot of inner work to find that purpose. But that's.

[D]

I can understand. Okay, yeah, that's the goal is to

[C]

find the inner purpose for moving forward so that you can live a life that's fulfilling and enriching.

[D]

Okay, well, thank you very much. It's nice to have you and I'm looking forward to reading your book. Thank you, Barbara.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

Great job. Seriously.

[D]

We are good, aren't we?

[B]

No. Well, there's something to you two knowing each other and having this. Your familiarity. And Susan, you wrapped up nicely.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You wrapped up nicely, Barbara. Great. I have no feedback. No. No comment. To improve. You animated. Well, your voice was clear. You articulated. You're clearly passionate about it. Susan, good roping in. You did something very nice after the first question. You commented and you went sideways a little bit. You'll see that in the recording. Beautiful instinct. Beautifulness. You didn't sound like a robot. Just reading questions. You gave some latitude. That's the mark of a good host. You've got a future.

[D]

Maybe I should just be a host and not. Yeah, well, you know, but.

[B]

Well, I want to get you podcasting later. I think that'd be a smart move for you because you've got a very nice, clear voice. Good. You have. You've got a super nice presence. You both do, and I don't. I'm. I've got no ax to grind or anything. I've already caught your money. So I'm saying this to speaking the truth. My nose isn't growing.

[D]

You're so bad.

[B]

But I get an A for effort and humor.

[D]

You do. You get an A.

[B]

Good job. All right. We're doing it again.

[D]

We're doing it again.

[B]

There's always room for improvement.

[D]

And.

[B]

Okay, Susan, you're learning about this also being a host. You're going to be a better guest by doing. Switching the role. Okay, Barbara, I knew had some background in tv, at least the interviewing process. So that's why I put her on the fire first. You did it. Didn't she do a good job, though? Barbara?

[C]

Yes, yes, yes. It was really good.

[B]

Really did. And it. You're going to do better this time. We are not done.

[D]

Are you? Same question. Are you?

[B]

Well, why not? Let's get.

[C]

Or no, different questions. Different.

[B]

You can ask different. Go ahead.

[D]

Different questions.

[B]

Look at Barbara. She's like an excited child. Okay, Feed her some Gerbers.

[D]

Okay. Put you in timeout.

[C]

Wait a minute. Dr. Susan Thompson says that's against the rules.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

All right. All right. So, ladies, go ahead.

[D]

You want me to ask different questions or the same ones?

[B]

Mitch, ask different ones.

[C]

Different. Different.

[B]

Yeah. Put her on the spot here, make her squirm.

[D]

All right, all right.

[B]

Three, two.

[D]

Barbara, welcome to the show. So glad to see you. You look lovely today as always as. Because I know you from before. So excited to have you here.

[C]

Thank you.

[D]

I have some important questions for you. And the first one is you've built an institute, a methodology, and now a published body of work. But what has this journey required of you personally?

[C]

Wow, great question. And you know, when I first started, I spent a lot of 18 hour days working on the company because I was developing a methodology and a company and working on growing the business and marketing and advertising and it was a lot of work. And so personally, when I would speak to anybody or meet anybody, I'd say, hey, I'm married to my work because I was married to my birth. So personally, it was a. It was a lot in the beginning, but now that every, you know, the work is done, the methodology is established, it's proven to work. There's been over 6,000 coaches trained in the methodology. People are changing lives for the better. It's been really good lately.

[D]

Okay, good for you. Some critics say coaching is simply packaged encouragement. Why do they fundamentally misunderstand about what you teach?

[C]

I think that's a great. Here's the thing, okay. It's really about training and it's about a coaching system. So if you're coming from a place where you want to encourage and motivate people and tell them they're doing a great job, that's one thing. But if you really want somebody to have a breakthrough to get across that bridge where they're like, I really want to do this, if I could just. And you want to help them get to the other side of that, then you need a method, you need a system, a system that's been proven to work. You need to work with the client's subconscious mind first. Right? Because the subconscious mind is where. What holds people back. Because the, the messages are, oh, my God, you can't do this. You're not good enough, you're not smart enough, you can't move fast enough. You're not gonna be able to do this. Right. If we reprogram that to be, you've got this, you're going to be able to do this. In fact, you can see yourself being successful right now. Then when the client gets ready to take those steps, it's like magic. It happens right away.

[D]

Okay? So this is not just about attaboys. This is something much more profound and deep. Good for you. It was. I'm so Happy to have you on the show. You did an excellent job. Thank you for coming.

[C]

Thank you.

[B]

You have 12 seconds to spare. Barbara, Excellent. No comment. Susan, this isn't host training. This is host commenting. You did a really good. You could. Because I said you had 30 seconds and you. Okay, absolutely, 100. I say this with a stern face and no humor. Humor comes in about 15 seconds, but right now, I'm going to be stern and direct. You need to be a podcast host. You need this. That is your next step.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Susan, do you agree? I think she'd really be good. You.

[C]

I agree 100%. I. I agree.

[B]

Susan, I've trained.

[D]

It feels more natural to me than being the guest.

[B]

I. And I see that you're going to be a. You're going to be. You're going to do exceptionally well because you're trained. Your buddy's going to be with you, your husband's with you, supported. Well, I'm just saying that you're going to be great. I. 100%. And there's no humor. I'm leaving that aside. That comes lighter. I'm in serious mode. You have to be a podcast host. I think you've got a real knack for it, a natural knack. And you've got a clear voice. You've got the prestige, you've got the presence, and you've got the passion. Your passion. You would be doing mankind a disservice to not do this later.

[D]

Oh, God. That's what Barbara said to me about my.

[B]

Well, okay. And then she and I don't have a bet. Okay, this is. We didn't talk about this. No, I'm talking about it now. On record. You absolutely need to be a podcast host. We'll work on that after you do all. I mean, my deliverables have to continue. I think I've got eight more that I owe you. And you're going to get much better as a guest, so then you'll know how to be a good host. I'm just sharing this. We're going to do one more time, because I want to make sure Barbara gets the.

[D]

The three or three times.

[B]

Yeah, three times.

[D]

Works for different questions.

[B]

Yeah, of course. But I'm just sharing. Susan, you've got a real knack for this. Okay.

[C]

Yes, you do. And your voice sounds so good, too.

[B]

Really good. Really good. Professional, solid, confident.

[C]

Right? So good. So good.

[B]

And you smile.

[C]

Yeah. Listening and responding. It's really, really good, Susan.

[B]

Okay. All right. So I'm going to let you pick the next set, and then Barbara's gonna go for round three.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And you're practicing on your soon to be host responsibility.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Am I embedding? No pressure, no pressure, no pressure, no pressure. You're. You're fine. Okay. If you're ready, Susan, let me know.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Three to

[D]

welcome Barbara Wainwright, professional life coach to my show. So happy to have you, Barbara. Welcome.

[C]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm so glad to be here, Susan.

[D]

Okay. I'm excited to talk about life coaching and, and what you do in, in that field. It has become a multi billion dollar industry. But not all coaching is created equal. From your perspective, what separates professional coaching from motivational advice?

[C]

That's a great question. And truly it comes down to training. Training and having a coaching system that's been proven to work. That's really the key. People that are giving motivational advice are more like cheerleaders. And coaching is part cheerleading too. However, you need to have a little more skills on board though. Socratic questioning, being able to ask great questions that challenges a client's perspective and where they're heading, what do they want to do? And then also working with a client's subconscious mind. Because most people don't change because their subconscious mind isn't on board with where they want to go, they want to do. And when that happens, there's a struggle, there's. It's hard to make change, it's hard to do anything, it's hard to move forward. They got the anxiety and the stress, the self sabotage. Sabotage kicks in. If you get the subconscious mind on board with where they want to go, then it's like magic. People start to take steps, they see themselves successful and they can walk into it easily.

[D]

Okay. Nothing like the subconscious mind to take control of your life. Right. And to direct your life without you knowing it.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

Someone watching this show feels stuck. Professionally, spiritually, emotionally. What would you say directly to them?

[C]

First of all, get a coach because they'll get you out of that stuckness.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

And then secondly, that makes sense, right? Secondly, you would want to have them do some contemplation. What excites you, what lights you up, what would you really get excited about doing? What could you stay up till 3 o' clock in the morning talking about that's what they need to focus on and move forward into. And as a coach, you'd help them figure out the steps that they need to take. And here's the thing about coaching. We don't tell our client what to do. We never do that. We just ask Them questions, what would be your next best step? What would you like to do? What would light you up?

[D]

Right. Okay. Great. Beautiful. You speak often about divine purpose, a lofty topic. Was there a moment in your own life when you realized you were walking in your divine purpose?

[C]

Yes. And that was when I got into coaching. And I had so many other things that I tested and tried out along the way, you know, such as the crystal healing, chronic healing, angel therapy. I became a certified spiritual counselor and then I landed in coaching. I went, oh my gosh, this is, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I just jumped in full heartedly and discovered that it was a lot of money to get trained as a coach and I did spend a small fortune. And that's when I designed a system of coaching because it shouldn't take that long. Coaching is about asking questions. How hard is it? You should be able to do that in a short amount of time and get it.

[D]

Okay. Yeah. Very good. Thank you for, thank you for that. And I'm so glad to have you on the show. And I also want to let everyone know that you've written a book called Awakening to Divine Purpose and it's being sold on Amazon and please purchase that book. Here it is. And then. And that's your other book for the power of life coaching. She has two.

[C]

Yes, that's right.

[D]

She has more than one book. Okay, thank you. Thank you.

[B]

Good ladies. Good ladies.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

No, you didn't, you didn't screw it up. You, you, you injected the book. It was her job to inject the book and you did.

[D]

Okay, but did you want. Not want me to talk about that book too, Barbara? No, no.

[C]

You know what? I think in, in the show I'm doing, I'm strictly doing coaching.

[D]

It's just coach. Nothing about that. Okay, got it.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to do coaching because. Okay, that's really where what I want to promote.

[D]

Okay, that's what you're promoting, Barbara. Yeah, I know.

[B]

What, what do you want to show one of your books?

[C]

If I do, it's going to be the Power of Life Coaching volume.

[B]

Then bring that. Okay. For you. Here's what I told Susan and I'll, I'll repeat it just for power of repetition. Make sure you have a blue ink pen and you bought a whole pack of them. Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And you have a, at least for you,

[C]

Frozen.

[D]

That's a frozen kids.

[C]

That's a kid's show. Frozen. You got frozen there for a second.

[A]

Thanks for tuning in to the Amazing Authorities podcast. If today's episode inspired you, take a moment to subscribe, rate and leave a review. It helps more experts like you rise to the top for behind the scenes access and free resources to boost your authority. Head to MitchCarsen.com until next time, stay amazing.