The Anxious Achiever

Episode: Should You Be Yourself At Work?
Guest: Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic
Host: Morra Aarons-Mele
Date: February 5, 2026

Overview

This episode delves into the complicated question: “Should you be your whole self at work?” Host Morra Aarons-Mele sits down with Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, psychologist and author of Don’t Be Yourself, to explore authenticity, masking, neurodiversity, emotional labor, and reputation at work. Together, they challenge the popular advice to “bring your whole self to work,” dissecting the nuance between authenticity, social adaptation, and psychological safety in professional environments. The conversation is candid, intellectually rigorous, and empathetic, giving voice to those who feel different and anxious within workplace systems.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Challenging the Authenticity Movement

• Opening Skepticism: Morra admits she was wary of Tomas’s book, expecting it to be “contrarian and kind of mean spirited,” but ended up genuinely appreciating his nuanced take.

  "I have to tell you that I expected to not like your book Don't Be Yourself... but I really liked your book and I really appreciated it." — Morra (01:08)

• Tomas’s Rooted Perspective: Tomas credits his background in Argentina’s collectivist system and experiences with academic “cults” for his skepticism about authenticity as a value.

  “I am a little bit allergic ... if I detect something that becomes ironically, an inauthentic BS movement, I try to scrutinize it.” — Tomas (05:00)

2. Differentiating Types of Authenticity

• Self-Perceived vs. Other-Perceived Authenticity:

  “There are many benefits to being perceived as authentic at work... but we shouldn’t be unabashedly authentic.” — Morra (08:04)

• Positive & Negative Effects:

  "Extreme identification with your work persona is a highly risky endeavor ... if you experience setbacks, your sense of self can go down with it." — Tomas (09:55)

• Key Insight: It's less about being totally authentic, and more about being perceived as authentic by others—which often relies on emotional intelligence and strong social skills.

3. The Role of Impression Management

• Defining Impression Management:

  "Impression management is the both the willingness and ability to adjust your behavior to meet the demands of the situation." — Tomas (15:06)

• Everyone Does It: Even those who believe they are ‘just being themselves’ are subconsciously curating their behavior. The ability to flexibly present oneself depending on context is a normal, necessary skill.

• Dangers of Extremes: Unfiltered authenticity may feel easier for those in high-power positions, but for most, failing to adapt can result in social and professional setbacks.

4. Neurodiversity, Masking, and Emotional Labor

• Strains of Masking:

  “There are some of us who... it’s a high cost for us to not be ourselves at certain times. And so what’s the answer?” — Morra (19:45)

• Intent vs. Capacity:

  "Whatever you do and whoever you are, you will always be you ... at some point, the right to be you ends and your obligation to others begins." — Tomas (20:42)

• Historic Parallel—Emotional Labor:
  Emotional labor isn’t new, but historically has been imposed disproportionately on women and minorities, highlighting inequities in the freedom to be oneself.

  “Women are under far higher pressure to conform and fit ... they're not given the same license to be themselves.” — Tomas (25:24)

• Authenticity as Privilege: The ‘just be yourself’ mantra often only applies fully to those in the in-group who reflect the status quo.

5. Boundaries, Belonging, and Team Culture

• Authenticity and Team Harmony:

  “If you actually feel the freedom to act in whatever way you are because you’re not concerned by others, others might pay a price.” — Tomas (27:59)

• Origins of “Bring Your Whole Self to Work”:
  Tomas connects the authenticity movement to positive cultural shifts (Enlightenment, individualism) but warns it can become a capitalist tool that erodes work-life boundaries.

  “…intent was good, but there is also an unintended cynical outcome ... your career and your employer, it’s almost like a cult..." — Tomas (36:53)

• Nuanced Belonging:

  “It is absolutely possible to feel a sense of belonging and be engaged and perform highly but keep certain aspects of yourself to yourself.” — Tomas (42:08)

  The key is strategic self-presentation and finding harmony between self-editing and genuine connection.

6. Generational Shifts and Honesty at Work

• Older vs. Younger Workers:

  “The anxiety and angst of older workers is that young people are too honest.” — Morra (43:01)

• Entitlement and Cultural Change:
  Research shows rising levels of entitlement and narcissism, especially among younger generations exposed to 'be yourself' messaging.

  “There’s a concerning increase of aspirations that isn’t coupled with an increase in work ethic — what entitlement means.” — Tomas (43:26)

7. Why Unfiltered Honesty Doesn’t Work

• Workplace Chaos:

  “If we all wear a T-shirt saying ‘just be you, they will adjust’, then we can’t have a highly functioning work environment or system. We just have chaos and anarchy.” — Tomas (44:38)

• Necessary Self-Editing:

  “My whole self includes grumpy me... impulse me … most people have certain aspects that need to be kept in check.” — Tomas (45:50)

  Even in close relationships, white lies and selective honesty are essential for harmony.

• Psychological Safety Requires Structure:

  “To drive psychological safety … you have to put in place rules and parameters ... then within that make sure people understand they’re free to speak up...” — Tomas (48:39)

8. Reputation: The Key to Professional Authenticity

• Why Reputation Matters:

  “Your career success ... requires other people to appreciate you or parts of you. And that means working on your reputation.” — Tomas (54:29)

• How to Assess Your Reputation:
  Get feedback from people with relevant expertise who aren’t incentivized to sugarcoat. Ask for specific, comparative input.

  “The most beautiful thing about self awareness is that it’s actually interpersonal. You are self aware if you understand how people see you and if you’re able to internalize the views that other people have on you.” — Tomas (58:23)

• Apt Quotes:

  • David Bowie: “I’m only the person the greatest number of people think I am.” (56:43)
  • Oscar Wilde: “Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. ... the latter are typically more authentic than the former.” (61:04)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the skepticism of authenticity:

  “If I detect something that becomes ironically, an inauthentic BS movement, I try to scrutinize it.” — Tomas (05:00)

• On the paradox of leadership authenticity:

  “To be seen as authentic, especially as a leader, you almost have to be a method actor.” — Tomas (12:30)

• On boundaries for authenticity:

  “…at some point the right to be you ends and your obligation to others begins.” — Tomas (24:00)

• On the cost of masking:

  “They can absolutely pass. But it still does come at a cost.” — Morra (24:24)

• On why self-awareness is social:

  “The most beautiful thing about self awareness is that it’s actually interpersonal.” — Tomas (58:23)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introductions, context setting, and initial skepticism (00:50 – 03:30)
• Authenticity: Individualism, culture, and narcissism (03:30 – 08:00)
• Why not to be unabashedly authentic; risk of work identity fusion (08:00 – 12:00)
• Impression management and its necessity (14:50 – 19:30)
• Neurodiversity, masking, and emotional labor (19:45 – 27:00)
• Boundaries and who gets to be authentic (27:59 – 34:53)
• Philosophical roots of authenticity, capitalism hijacking (34:53 – 39:58)
• Belonging, engagement, and self-editing (39:58 – 43:01)
• Generational divides around honesty (43:01 – 46:00)
• Why everyone can’t just ‘be themselves’ all the time (46:00 – 50:06)
• Ground rules, structure, and inclusivity for neurodiverse teams (49:35 – 51:04)
• Reputation and self-awareness (54:29 – 61:04)

Conclusion & Takeaways

• Be Yourself … Strategically: Total, unfiltered authenticity at work isn’t realistic or fair—nor is it always desirable. Effective professionals balance genuine self-expression with the demands of context, always considering their impact on others.
• Self-Editing Is Socially Necessary: Impression management and emotional intelligence are not inauthentic, but essential skills for team cohesion and professional success.
• The Cost of Authenticity Is Not Equally Distributed: Marginalized, neurodivergent, and out-group individuals often pay a higher emotional price for authenticity (or lack thereof).
• Your Reputation Is Your Reality: Who you are at work is—ultimately—who others perceive you to be. Seeking honest, nuanced feedback is the best route to self-awareness and growth.
• Psychological Safety Requires both Openness and Boundaries: Creating teams where people can be (some of) themselves and perform well takes structure, care, and attention to others’ needs.

Engaging, thought-provoking, and deeply practical, this conversation reframes authenticity as an active, social process—one that demands both self-awareness and compassion for others.