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This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the uk. Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. Together we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime. Each season we explore a new theme. From poisoners to art thieves. We uncover the secrets of history's most interesting figures. And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story. Listen to Criminalia on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search CRIMINALIA. BBC Sounds Music Radio podcasts. You're listening to the Archer's Omnibus from BBC Radio 4. This hand wash is nearly finished. Oh, I'll get some more from the store. I just need to sit down for five minutes. Five minutes? You should take a proper break. You can't talk. Would you be. You've worked non stop since you got here. I wouldn't say non stop. As well as having to clean your own place. We've pretty much done what we can there. Down to the insurers now. Still, and after your mum and dad took us in, it's the least I can do. Well, we're all very grateful, Joy. Ah, don't mention it. But I might just join you for a spell. Do. Oh, can I ask you something? Yeah, of course. Do you think he can hallucinate smells? Hallucinate? I mean the poo. Oh. With so many people cleaning for so long, surely we must have got rid of it all by now. But you still wonder if you can smell it. Yeah, yeah, same. We'll find out tomorrow anyway. Will we? When the shop and tea room reopen. Oh, is that tomorrow? Barring accidents. Oh, I am pleased. Yeah. We're still waiting on the test results for the dairy, but there's no reason to keep the other areas closed. We just need to open up. We've lost a week's income. Plus everything you've had to chuck away. Anyway, you're welcome to stay here as long as you need. And the cat, of course. Please don't feel that you have to pay your way by working. Oh, that's so kind of you. I do worry, though. Yeah? What about? I was thinking of the house. Your house. Rochelle knows there's always a key in the garden in one of those fake stone things in case she turned up and I'm not there. Yeah, sensible. But suppose she comes back and finds the place the way it is, all stinky and deserted. Sorry, Joy. Do you mean she doesn't know what's happened to you? Oh, haven't you told her? Oh, well, yeah, I've texted, left messages and she hasn't replied. I think she might be having trouble with her phone. Can be hard to get through to us sometimes. Right. Well, perhaps you could leave her a note in the kitchen or something, so if she did come back. Yeah, of course. That'd do it. Silly of me. Sorry to bother you with it. No, not at all. Yeah, yeah. Okay, dad. All right. Yeah, see ya. Bye. I said I'd do the milking. That man. What's up, Tom? It's Slavko's day off, so I said I'd see to the afternoon milking. But Dad's beating you to it. What with everything we've got going on, I thought he could at least have the afternoon off and enjoy his birthday. Well, try to knowing. Dad says he often works on his birthday, so why should this year be any different? And he's been working so hard and all. Well, I suppose we'll just have to have his birthday tea after he's finished for the day. Whatever that is. He hasn't even opened his presents. He's not in a good place, is he? Poor thing. Hey, you'll never guess when we're trying to pull together he's going it alone. The weight of the world on his shoulders. What? Mick, love? Oh, nothing, Tom. We can still make his birthday special. I'll let the others know and we'll start a bit later. What? It's dad. He's just text to ask where his neoprene gloves are. He wants to start sorting out the edible garden. Well, that doesn't sound very urgent. Right, that's it. I'm going to have a word. What is he like? I'll join you tomorrow. Looks like Tony's not in much of a birthday mood. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, understandable, really. You'll never guess, actually. Make love. Will it wait? I'm desperate for a shower. I've found her somewhere else to stay. You ought. We can move out of here. Where to? Oh, you'll never guess. Have you ever seen a sadder sight, Helen? Good fresh milk pumped down the drain. I haven't done it for a few days, but hasn't got any easier. Goes against everything you believe in as a farmer. Yes, of course. We should be producing food, not throwing it away. Takes so long to build something up. Your system, your stock, your reputation. And then in a few minutes, it's all snatched away from you. Not all of it, Ellen. You've still got your Montes and you'll be putting the system back into operation as soon as we get the all clear. But our reputation, it's going to take a long time to get that back. I still haven't found anyone with calves. Calves? I said I'd see if there were some farmers who could use our milk for their calves. Would at least be something. Yes, feeding. Grabbing calves would be much better than pouring it down the drain. Dad did ask Ruth, but a bit too early for Brookfield. I hope by the time they're carving, we'll be back on stream. Here. Is your dad all right? He looked ever so down in the mouth. Understandably, of course. Yeah, I. I think he's just tired. Well, that's only natural. Needs to learn to take his foot off the gas for a bit. Just take the chance to relax once in a while. Suppose we're all guilty of a hat. You know he threatened to re roof the barn today as well? Oh, he didn't? Well, he said he was joking, but you never know with dad. Well, we're all here to support him. And you. I was gonna make him a cake today, but I'll just grab a shop bought one. Why don't I rustle him something up? What does he like? Oh, no, Susan, I can't let you do that. You've done more than enough already. Well, see how you go if. Anyway, the offer's there. Stop, you'll make me cry. Oh, hey, no, but everyone's just been amazing. Henry's been so grown up, bless him. I just felt awful yesterday. He put so much work into his event. Susan. Still a good idea. He can do it some other time. He's a good lad, isn't he, your Henry, Sir. He is. Right. I might try and ring around some more farmers, pitch them this calf notion. Helen. Yeah? Let me do your dad a birthday cake. I've got a lovely Victoria sponge recipe at home. A bit of a twist on a classic. I've got all the ingredients in. Oh, Susan, honestly, I'm not taking no for an answer now. Does he eat almonds? So Linda didn't do the interview at all? That's right. Good for her. Oh, he sounded like a nasty piece of work, this Lawrence. All smooth and smarmy on the outside. Yeah, but a right bigot underneath. I've met a few like that. So, here we are. How do you mean, Mick? Our new home. Well, temporary home, but Mr. And Mrs. Gill live here. I know. It's the Aldridge's old farmhouse. I know. So have they got a holiday cottage or something? A barn conversion? Joy. I'm telling you, this Is the place. But they're going on holiday and we're going to house sit for them. How have you angled that? I've got to know Pav Gill quite well. But the Gills don't speak to anyone. They're up at Grey Gables all the time. Health club, fancy meals, meetings. Okay, but. Well, I helped them out once when they got locked out of their car. And when we got it started, guess what was playing on the stereo? I haven't the foggiest Queen. Yeah, Pav's a huge fan and I mentioned I was on the crew for their kind of magic tour and, well, we just hit it off. That's amazing. So while they're skiing in Aspen, we're moving into their gaff. It's like a dream. I know. I feel like a princess. No. I can't believe I've nearly reached the ripe old age of 44 and never experienced a Victoria sponge with almonds. Oh, well, you learned something new every day. You're wasted in the dairy. Susan, you should branch out. Don't say that to her. We've got enough problems without Susan jumping ship to be the next Nigella. It was only very simple sponge. Well, I loved it. As did dad. I'm so pleased. I was gonna take some home to the girls, but I think the plate's been practically licked clean by you. Well, it's Susan's fault for making it so delicious. I'm just pleased Tony enjoyed it. It was exactly what we needed. Susan, it was just a cake. It was much more than that. And dad seemed to like his airbrush. His hairbrush? No, airbrush. Oh. Oh, I see. That'd be a bit cruel, wouldn't it, to buy him a hairbrush? Yeah. Slightly ironic that we've been thinking for a while about getting him one. But they're not cheap, so we club together. Perfect for getting the weathering right on the model trains. Much better than a paintbrush, apparently. Yeah, that's what we thought, didn't we, Tom? Oh, totally. Well, looks like he's enjoying showing Jack how it works. Oh, trust me, they will be there for hours looking for things to spray. Why, do you think Hilda's hiding? Yeah, and I do like your dad's new hat. It's very. Yeah, you can say horrible. Oh, no, I wasn't going to say that. It's very. Can't really think of the word. That's because it hasn't been invented yet, Tom. Well, you're the one who said it was horrible. Henry and Jack bought it themselves out of their Own money. Just don't tell him he looks like Ali G. Oh. Oh, It's a late 90s reference. Susan, stop. I'm just relieved he said it's too hot to wear indoors. Nearly choked on my almond. Well, the boys thought it'd be perfect for milking on these chilly mornings. Well, they're absolutely right. Dad might bequeath it to you. Oh, well, I'd rather pay the inheritance tax. My Neil has a cuffed beanie. Tom Croat. Sorry. Sorry, Susan. The raspberries must have gone to my head. I heard there was cake in here. Ooh, yum. Tony just said we could have a bit. Uh, yeah, well, you could have done, but unfortunately, guilty as charged. Oh, no, I was looking forward to that. Almonds and raspberries sounded lovely. Oh, you never said there was almonds in it. Yes, I did. I never got on with almonds. Always reminds me of eating toenails. Oh, Mech. No offence, Susan. I'm sure it was lovely and all, but it's just a texture for me. No offence taken with marshmallows and kiwi fruits. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to you all for your help, especially today for dad. Yeah, yeah, he really does appreciate it. Oh, I am pleased. And we've got some news of our own, haven't we, Joy? Oh, really? Yeah, Joy and me, we're only going to have to stay two more nights. Well, surely your house can't be ready yet. Oh, no, it won't be. Not for ages, I expect. But we've got temporary digs where? You'll never guess. No, you're right, we probably won't. Orm Farm. Home Farm. Ambridge. Yes. Auntie Jennifer's old place. That's the one. Hey, my nurse. Oh, the gills are going away for a bit, so we're going to look after the house for them. They've asked you to. Aye, I serve Mrs. Gill all the time. Are you sure you haven't misunderstood her? Oh, no, no. They were very insistent. Said they couldn't think of a more reliable couple round here. I see. Which means we'll be out of your hair Tuesday. Well, that's wonderful news. I mean, for the two of you. So, all in all, it seems like things are looking up a bit. It does. Are you still planning to open up tomorrow? The tea room and shop? Yes. Yep. And hopefully the dairy soon, when the lab test results come back. So, fingers crossed. What are you doing? Ah, yeah, much better. Is that how Robert asks you to arrange them? What do you mean? By colour? Well, what's wrong with that? How are people meant to find a book that way? By using their eyes. I mean, Robert said that the library had got into a bit of a jumble. And could you put them back in order? Alphabetical order. But he didn't say that. He did, Khalil. Well, I didn't want to do it anyway. It's your own fault for lying around the place, moaning how bored you are. Of course I'm bored, Zainab. It's the school holidays and I can't even be in my own house. Nor can I. I still haven't got a new tablet. Same with my laptop. It's just I don't make a fuss about it. I don't care how bored I am. I didn't want to become their librarian. Robert thought he was doing you a favour. A favour? By giving you something to occupy your time. So, Khalil, how are you getting on? Oh, well. Oh. Told you. Not what you were expecting, Robert? I think. Well, maybe I wasn't clear enough. Sounded perfectly clear to me. I'll tell you what. Shall I give you a hand? Yes, please. Yeah, we'll soon get it done. And when we finished, maybe you'd like to help me feed the llamas. Just thought I'd pop in, wish you all the best. Oh, thanks, Clave. As it's your first day open again. Thank goodness. And the shop too. Yeah. Anya's really pleased. Hopefully by the end of the week, the old place will be back to normal. Yeah, that'd be nice. Don't know what I'm gonna be doing in the meantime. Farm work, I expect. I am so pleased to be back serving customers again. Oh, I bet you are, Emma. At my age, this deep cleaning and all the other stuff they've been finding for us to do it really taking it out of me. And I tell you who's very happy we're back to normal. Who? Chelsea. Oh, right. There are lots of things she'd rather be doing than cleaning. Yeah, I'll bet. Oh, and you have an urge yet? Kira's had a letter from George. George wrote a letter? Yeah. Only a short one. Just a page, really, but a proper letter. Well, that's good. It is, yeah, it's great. What'd you say? Not much. Just the fact, really, that they've done it at all. He still hasn't been in touch with me. Well, already will. No, but it's a start. Lovely. This is looking more like it, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. We just need the customers now. Everyone's really pulled together to get to this moment. You should be pleased. I really am. Oh, and Clary, just the woman I wanted to see. Helen and I have been talking. Now, obviously, we're still waiting on the all clear for the dairy. Yeah. So with a deep clean done, we're a bit light on work for you and Susan. You not going to lay us off, are you, Natasha? What? Unpaid leave or summer? No. Oh, no, nothing like that. No, what we thought for the next couple of days, Susan can help Tom with the planting. He's got to get the parsnips and beetroot in. Okay. And she can do the pea plants and sweet peas. So what about me? We thought you could help with some of the baking in here, if that's all right with you both. Yeah, of course. That's wonderful. Thank you. We thought that was the best way round, as you're the older one. Right. So let's go and check what Chelsea's doing around the back. Oh, Clary, your face. What do you mean by that? You did say he was feeling your age. Yeah, but I wasn't looking for no favors. No, of course she wasn't, Susan. Well, she ain't no spring chicken. Never mind. Come on, let's get you up to speed with the kitchen. How are you doing, Constanza? Hey. Obviously there's. There's not much grass at this time of year. Yeah, I guess not. So, their main feed is hay, which we buy from Grange Farm. And we give them a pellet supplement to make sure they're getting all their vitamins and minerals. Robert? Yeah? I think you need to take a look at this. Right. Alistair. One flat white. Oh, thank you. And your croissant. Lovely. Hope you enjoy it. Oh, sure I will. Emma, I've been meaning to ask, have things been settled now with your parish council role? Oh, no. I still en erred one way or the other. Really? Seems ages since the complaint. It is more than two months. And you've been in limbo all this time? Well, it always takes ages, apparently. Oh, I hope they take into account the impossible situation you were in. Thanks, Alistair. Sure. It'll be fine. We'll see. Good to see the place open again. Yeah, get the customers back in. Yeah. Let's be honest, you're the first this morning. Well, actually, I only knew you were reopening because I saw Tom fixing a sign at the farm entrance. Oh, he's done that, has he? Good. So I thought I'd give you some support. And we really appreciate it. Natasha has put announcements on the website and socials, but obviously it's going to take a little while for word to get round. Yeah. Still, people really value the tea room. I'm sure once they know, they'll come flocking back, don't you think? Well, yeah, but. Well, go on. If I'm honest, Emma, the biohazard mats aren't the most welcoming sights. Oh. I mean, there's one at the door to the shop as well. Yeah. And I hope you don't mind me saying, but there's a very strong smell of disinfectant in here. Everywhere. Oh. I mean, yeah, I'm sure they'll only be temporary. In a few days, I expect it'll be. Oh, sorry. I better take that. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. I'll leave you to it. Alistair Lloyd. Alistair, it's Robert Snell. What can I do for you, Robert? It's Constanza. Seems to have had some sort of accident. Yes. Yes, it's one of her forelegs. I can see blood. One lemon drizzle cake. I think you ought to try a little corner just to make sure it's you. All right, Emma? Alastair just said it smells in here. What of? Disinfectant everywhere, he said. Oh, dear. I didn't know where to put myself. He might have a point, though. Oh, thanks. Claret? No, no. I mean, we've practically been swimming in cleaning products this past week. I reckon none of us can detect it no more. What, you mean we've got acclimatized? Yeah. Well, that's no good, is it? No one's going to want to eat in here if it smells like a bathroom. How about getting some herbs from the forest garden? Herbs? We could put nice bunches in jars on each table. Well, that might help, I suppose. I'm happy to go and pick some. Is there going to be much at this time of year? There's plenty of rosemary. Thyme, too. Sorry to be a nuisance. Do you think you could put these in takeaway containers for me? Don't suppose it's much fun being the only one in here. No, no, it's not that. With the smell and all. I've just got to attend a minor emergency. Yes, it was Khalil who first noticed the injury. Well done. It was nothing. I didn't want to panic. It's not like she was losing a lot of blood, but I thought I should. It's more of a graze than a cut. What are you going to do, Alistair? Well, first I'm going to wash the wound with saline solution. Can I see? Yeah. That's all right with Robert? Absolutely. Yes. Awesome. Make sure you stand at her side, though, Khalil. Yeah. Okay. Right. Llamas can spit or bite. Yes, I can vouch for that. I've even been kicked once or twice over the years. Here we go, then. Oh, wow. I told you. Yes. It's all right, Constanza. Alistair's only trying to help. That's looking good. How's she doing? Oi. Don't come too close, Zainab. No danger of that now. She's getting good treatment. I'm gonna apply some antibiotic ointment now, thanks to Alistair. Here. Nice tight hold and your brother's sharp eyes. So this will greatly reduce the risk of infection. Yeah, llamas can do that. It's well known you're an expert now. Are you nearly done, girl? There. Yeah. It doesn't need a bandage or anything. It'll form a scab naturally. Yeah. Are you sure it's nature's dressing? Yes, well, you know best. Right? Yeah. I'll be back in a minute. What a team. Oh, yeah. The way you stood and watched. Major contribution. Well, it was me who saw the cut in the first place. I think Robert might have noticed it without you. No, to be fair, your brother does seem to have an affinity with animals. See? And you obviously like being outdoors. Yeah. Yeah, I do. Where does that come from, do you think? Well, I don't know, really. Have you always been that way? Pretty much, haven't you? Yeah. I mean, I don't like being cooped up, that's for sure. And nature, animals, they don't ask any questions. Do you know what I mean? I certainly do. I couldn't do a job in an office or anything like that. And I don't really like school much either. Oh, well, I. I think you deserve a thank you for your prompt action today. In fact, there's. There's something we could do that might be just your sort of thing. Where's Chelsea? I sent her home. Fair enough. No point both of us hanging around. It's not like we're suddenly gonna get a coach party turning up, is it? Yeah. I think you might as well close up, Emma. Okay. Oh, did Clary do these? Yeah. Well, she's covered the bases, hasn't she? Fruit loaf, chocolate cake, lemon drizzle. Yeah. Shame. They've barely been touched. And these herbs look great. Yeah, that was Clary's idea. Rosemary and what was this? Winter savory. Oh, nice touch. Yeah, A few twigs aren't going to get rid of the smell or bring the pantries back in. It'll take a while for word to get round. I'm sure it'll pick up soon. No offense, Natasha, but I've heard that so many times today. I've said it myself as well. It is true, though. And remember, today's only been the first day. Publicity's barely got going yet. Yeah, yeah, fair enough. We'll come in fresh tomorrow. Yeah, that's the spirit. Oh, I've just been admiring your cakes, Clary. Have you? Yeah. I think I might have a slice myself. Clary, what's up? Helen's just heard back from the lab. Were the test results? Yeah, and? We failed. Are you sure? She showed me unsatisfactory. How can that be? Well, that's what it said. But what does that mean? We've got to clean some bits again. No, not some bits. All of it. Everything. That'll take days. But. But we worked so hard. Not hard enough, it looks like. How could we have done more? I know, I know, Emma. But we can't argue with the results, can we? This is awful. You're telling me. Right, back to square one. And this is the lounge. Oh, my goodness. Amazing, isn't it? It's like something out of a magazine. No, a Hollywood film. Like any moment, Tom Cruise is gonna make a grand entrance through that door. Unlikely. That's the drinks wardrobe. They have a drinks wardrobe? Yeah, two fridges in there. One for wine, one for beer and soft drinks. Plus all the glasses and whatnot. Oh, you know your way around, Mick, I'll give you that. Pav was really thorough. Gave me the full tour. Told me where everything is and how it all works. I can't believe we are actually going to be living here. Believe it, kid. Oh, it's so beautiful. Although. What? It's not quite what I was expecting for a farmhouse. I know. It's a very grand farmhouse, but I know what you mean, Joy. It all looks very city, if you get me drift. Very international. Well, that's the taste, I suppose. Want to see the kitchen? Oh, yes, please. I'm not being critical, mind. No, no, you're not. I don't think I've ever been in such a beautiful house, let alone sir stayed in one. Me neither. Wow. What do you think? Where are my sunglasses? Everything's so white. It is that. How did they get it all so shiny? Search me. I thought my kitchen was clean, but steady on, love. What is that? Oh, yeah, that's Florence. See, Florence, She's a bearded dragon. I've never seen anything Less Florence. Ish. The kids named her. When she was young, they said. Oh, that's part of the deal. We have to feed her while they're away. Away? Me, me, me. I'll feed her. You don't have to have anything to do with her if you don't want to. Okay, well, I suppose I could just about manage that. As long as it's. She. She. It's a Florence. It stays in its tank. Okay, Sk. Look, shall we have a brew while we're in here? Oh, good idea. Where did they keep the. What is it now? We thought something touched my foot. It's nothing to be worried about. It's the vac. The what? The robot vacuum cleaner. Look, I thought it was another one of them dragon monstrosities. It isn't meant to bump into things. You must have confused it by moving so quickly. Oh, so it's my. I'm not saying that, love. I definitely need a cup. I know. Where's the kettle? On the Hob. You're right by it. But where are the knobs? It doesn't have any. It's one of them fancy induction ones. Oh. How does it work, then? It's all touch panels and that. Very into the gadgets of Pav and Jasminder. Everything's computerized, digital, smart, wireless. So all that caper. Right. And practically everything's operated from one master controller, which they always keep. They? What is it? Well, that's rum. They said they'd leave it here on the charging console. I'm sorry there's no two ways around this. It's about the most depressing thing I've ever done. We totally get it, Clary. Don't we, Mum? Absolutely. It's soul destroying. Bad enough doing all that cleaning last week. I've been wearing rubber gloves so long my hands have got trench foot. Yeah, but now having to do it all over again. I mean, how could this have failed the test? It might not have. Look at it. We don't know exactly why they classified us unsatisfactory. Absolutely spotless. Just that we still had a high bacterial load. I can't help wondering if it was the things what Chelsea cleaned. What? Well, I mean, I've got nothing against the girl. She made it very plain she weren't taken on as no cleaner. Clary, that is enough. Helen, every member of the team has been working their fingers to the bone. Including Chelsea. Love, why don't you see how Susan's doing in the Cheese Room? Go on, go on. I will give Clary a hand here. She'd Be pulling together, not criticizing each other. Oh, Pat, I'm so sorry. It's okay. Helen's right. I shouldn't have said that. It was mean. It's natural when you're under this amount of stress. And it's probably even worse for Helen. It's ghastly for everyone. I went past Nova and Seren's garden earlier. What's left of it was basically nothing. So sad. Come on then. What's next? To be made even more spotless? Is it all right if I come round with you? Of course. Is something up? No, no, I just. When I'm working split shifts, I thought I'd come out for an hour. Good idea. Get a bit of fresh air. That'll be nice to have the company. Fallon. Oh, great. I'm going to take a look at an area of Hazel. We're thinking of Coppice Gardeners pay good money for the cuttings for pee and bean sticks. Right. How's the house sale going? Ground to a halt again? Oh, no. I'm waiting for Tom and Natasha to find time to speak to me about it. Well, they must be so busy. You know Bridge Farm failed the hygiene test. Did you hear? I did. I understand their situation, obviously. But Brenda's getting more and more antsy about me buying Roy's place. I can imagine. I've explained what happened. But she's obviously only going to wait so long. But there are plenty of other interested buyers. Well, she's made that very clear. It wouldn't surprise me if it all fell through. Oh, no, Kirsty, don't give up yet. You know the worst of it? If the sewage thing hadn't happened, the paperwork would have been completed last week. How frustrating. What can I do? Tom and Natasha are fighting to save the family business. Of course, this is going to take second place for a while anyway. You missing Harrison yet? No. It's great. Really? Well, that's what I was telling Mum. Now I haven't got him hung in the bed and putting the tea towels in the wrong place. But yeah, now he's actually left. It's, you know, reality bites. Yeah. The worst thing is not knowing how long his be away. But can't he come back from time to time? Yorker isn't that far. No, because of the nature of the work he's doing. Oh, I didn't realize. Not that he can tell me much about it. He's pretty excited to be fair. Although these first few days it's briefings and orientation, that sort of thing. Where's he staying? I don't really know. He showed me the place on a video call. It looks pretty basic. I tell you what hit me last night. We like watching Death and Paradise together. So Harrison wants to be a copper on a tropical island, does he? Yeah. And instead he's in Yorkshire. Anyway, last night I watched one thinking it'd sort of get me closer to him. And it didn't? No. It made me feel further away. Oh, Fallon. And I know this is daft. Go on. But whenever I develop a new dish or a new bake, he's always the first one I try it out on. I. Who's going to do that now? Well, that's not a problem. If you want someone to taste free food, I'm very happy to oblige. I might just take you up on that. The continuous freezer. That's right. I really don't see. Eh, well, take a look there. There in the corner. That's not dirt. Yes, it is. I know it's not dirt because I cleaned every corner of this machine twice. But look at it. It's just a mark on the metal. No, I don't think so. Clary, I promise you that won't come out, whatever you do. Well, I need you to try. I have tried over and over again. I'm sick to the back. Teeth are trying. I'm sorry. No, no, no, it's okay. It's okay. Oh. Are you alright, Mum? Not really. It's just one thing after another, isn't it? Why? What's happened? Summer Orchard have just had a cancellation. Long standing customer taking their business elsewhere. Why? Hygiene and reputational reasons. But the business units weren't affected. I know. Summer Orchard ain't nowhere near here. Natasha tried to tell them that, but they'd already made up their minds. That's awful. Please give me some good news. Have you found a farmer to take some milk for their calves yet? Afraid not. We'll just have to keep pouring it away then. It's breaking Dad's heart. It's destroying everything. Oh, this is so beautiful, isn't it? The way the sun comes through the trees. I'll come here anytime you want, Fallon. Well, I will. I might make a habit of it. If it helps lift your spirits while Harrison's away. Yeah. And I have to keep reminding myself this is. This is kind of the point of him taking the attachment. I really think we needed to have some time apart so we can remember what it's like to miss each other. You know what they say about absence. Exactly how long have you two been together nearly 10 years. It's a long time. No. Now, Harrison was saying last night that I should take it as an opportunity, too. Throw myself into life and do all the things that I can't do when he's around. Yeah, you should. One thing I've decided already. What's that? I've been feeling so guilty about dad. You've been feeling guilty? It was me who dubbed him in to Mum. Well, you didn't have any choice. I don't know. Maybe I could have had a quiet word with him. Well, it's done now. And I want to undo it. What do you mean? Well, I can't change what's happened, but I can get Daddy's job back. You think? Well, I'm gonna give it my best shot. Pizza's on its way. Good. Where'd he get that? What, the duvet? Oh, I don't know. One of the spare bedrooms. I'm guessing. You still haven't found the controller? If I had, it'd be a lot warmer in here, I can tell you. And we'd be able to put the telly on, too. Still no answer from the Guild? Nah. I texted again. Left another voicemail. They might still be in the air, I guess. Or up a mountain somewhere. Shall I chuck these leaflets away? Oh, no, no, don't do that. It's only junk mail. I was reading them, okay? Have you not noticed there's not a single book in the house? They use E Read, as I expect. Oh, them and the blessed gadgets. Mick? Yeah? Can I say something? Of course. I don't want to be a negative Nelly, but if I'm honest, this stay isn't turning out quite like I expected. Has Clary gone home? Yeah, about 10 minutes ago. Why don't you pack up too, love? No, I'll do a bit more. You're obviously exhausted. We're all exhausted. I didn't handle things very well today, did I, Helen? I apologize to Clary. I'm sure she understood. You're at the end of your tether. Well, so is Clary, to be fair. Oh, sorry. Excuse me. Of course. I don't believe it. What? Oh, listen to this. Dear Ms. Archer, a mutual acquaintance informs me that Bridge Farm may currently be protected producing surplus milk which you're unable to process. As a fellow borsucho cheese maker, I may be able to take a large quantity off your hands in the short term. That's wonderful. If this would be of interest, please respond at the earliest opportunity. Oh, Helen. Best regards. Oh, no. What is it? Oh, no. Of all the people it could be. I don't understand. Understand. Celia Sparrow. Who is Celia Sparrow? Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. Together, we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime. Each season, we explore a new theme. From poisoners to art thieves, we uncover the secrets of history's most interesting figures. And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story. Listen to Criminalia on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search Criminalia. You know, it's not just prep. I need you all through lunch and dinner service. Yeah, don't worry, Fallon. I've stood in for Paula loads of times. Great. What shall I start with? Carrots, please. Peeled tops and tails. And cut down their length. Right you are. When's the Wayne due back from the high seas? End of the week. What's going to happen then? What I'd like to happen is for Mum to give him his job back. Okay. What does Jolene think about that? Well, this is it. She's convinced that what he did was unforgivable. He was totally out of order, no two ways about it. Yeah, but his food always went down so well. It did is. And the punters like him as a person. Trouble is, if they know for sure he ain't coming back, they might start eating somewhere else. Well, I hope they'll like my food enough to stay. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Fallon, I didn't mean. Oh, no. What I'm most worried about is him, though. He loves this job, and with his age and what with his, you know, his criminal record, he might really struggle to get another one. Hadn't thought of that. I've got to convince myself to give him another chance. Easily said. Yeah, it's gonna need a lot of persuading. Is there some way of, you know, playing to his strengths? Sounds interesting. How could we do that? It's great news, isn't it? Well, Celia Sparrow usually gets her milk from Liso Farm in Winkley. They do block carving in the spring. I know that, Tom. So their cows are drying off now. She must always be short of milk this time of year. Oh, she needs milk all right. Just wondering why she's approached us. Because she's heard ours is going spare. But, Tom, Celia's premium cheese is Caldwell Cream. That's the one I gave Nilpoint to Nil. Oh, at the Borsuchire Rural Food Fair when they roped you in as a judge. Surprised she's got in touch at All. Oh, but she has, though. At the very least, I'm gonna have to do a lot of flattering if we're going to agree a deal. I'm sure you'll be fine, Helen. We'll see soon enough. Now, the veg box order standing up. Okay. We've had a few cancellations and of course we can't put any of the usual dairy stuff, so total sales by value are down. Yeah, of course. At least Fallon's given us a special order for the bull. Is she? Yeah. I think it's a sympathy vote. But I don't care. Why. No. At a time like this, Any orders? Welcome. Right. Excuse me. Just got to get this to the van. Sure. It's Celia. Oh, don't take any nonsense. Helen Archer. Helen, it's Celia Sparrow. Hello, Celia. Are you still available for our meeting? Yep. 1:00. Well, now, are you at your farm at the moment? Yes. Good. Because I need to bring the time forward. That'll be all right, won't it? Well, Faucet Magna is only a hop and a skip from Ambridge, after all. Yeah, I suppose so. When were you thinking? As soon as possible. Could you come right away? Have you got a minute, Mum? Yeah, not exactly rushed off my feet. Well, you can see it's early yet, isn't it? What's this, a deputation? No, no. Wheat fair. We've just been thinking, haven't we, Tracey? We have. What about Pancake Day? What about it? Well, how it's always difficult to find a new twist, something that makes it worthwhile for families to come out rather than just cooking them at home. Oh, tell me about it. We tried just about everything over the years. Ah. But have you ever served souffle pancakes? I don't think we have, no. They've got a really different feel. They're much fluffier and light than regular pancakes. There's even a Japanese version. Oh, that would be different. And the reason we thought it was a good idea is because. Excuse me. Oh, Tom. What are you doing back there? Not looking for a job, are you? No, no. I've just bought that delivery fella. Oh, great. But there was no one in the kitchen. No, we're having a bit of a team talk. Well, I've left the boxes on the side. Thanks. I'll leave you to it, then. Oh, hang on a minute. Yeah? Would you be interested in a different spin on Pancake Day? Different spin how? If we did a different type of pancake here that was difficult to make at home, but with all the sickly toppings that kids like too. Is it the sort of thing you'd bring the twins to? Yeah. Yeah, don't see why not. Cool. Okay. Well, anyway, I better get back. Yeah, sure. Thanks, Tom. You're welcome. There you go. Market research. So, what do you think? I like the idea. Great. Great. Because you know who's really good with light, airy, sweet things? Of course. Wayne. Sorry, what did you say? Tracy, what did you say? There's no need to go around the houses, Fallon. This is perfect for you. No, that's not what I meant. What are you thinking of then? Well, dad. Oh, I see. So you come here with an idea for pancake day, but what you're really asking is will I take your dad back? I'm not making any excuses for him. But if you did give him another chance, don't you think he'd be on his absolute best behavior? I would be. Well, I've been wondering if I was a bit harsh just sacking him out. Right. And yeah, them souffle pancakes would be right up his street. So does that mean. Oh, go on. One more strike and he's out, though. He knows that. I'm sure from now on he'll be a model employee. Came as quickly as I could and I do appreciate it. Oh, are you expecting a customer? No, it's just the plates of samples. These are for you, Helen. Me? I thought that as a fellow cheese professional, you'd be interested in tasting the products which we'll be making from your milk over the next few weeks. Oh. Assuming we can agree terms, that is. Well, yes. Good idea. Celia. How's your palate? Cleansed. Oh. There's some sparkling water there if you need it. Thank you. Yes, I think I will. So, first we have Cordwell Meadow. This is our entry level cheese, if you will. Mm. Firm to the cut, dense texture. Right. Well, go on then. Yeah. Thank you. You're probably getting a touch of hazelnut on the nose. Mmm. Well, have a little more than that. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah. Very good. I'm getting some. Some caramel now as well. Exactly. Well done. A good all purpose cheese, we like to think. Yep, I can see that. The next one I'd like you to try is Cordwell Wash. You'll be familiar with the wash curd method, of course. Yeah, I don't use it myself, but I've come across it. It dilutes the acidity. So I understand for a mild buttery flavour. Try some. Okay. Then. Semisoft, as you can see. We call it our brie buster. What do you think? Very balanced, mild, but still with character. That's exactly what we're aiming for. And finally, what I like to think of as the star in our firmament, Cordwell Cream. I think there's a chance you might have come across this one before it does ring a bell. What we've tried to do here is create a complex flavour spectrum from the creamy crumbly centre to the mushroomy rind. Right. Okay. Well, here goes. Mmm. Oh. Are you getting that? I am. It's. Yes. It's excellent. First class, would you say? I. I might. Award worthy, yes. Oh, I am pleased to hear you say that. To have gained the approval of such a distinguished cheese maker as yourself. Oh, I wouldn't say I was very distinguished. To business. Do sit down. Okay, thank you. And feel free to help yourself to more cheese. I think I've probably had enough for now. Let's establish the duration of the D first. How long are we looking at? Okay, well, we're hopeful we'll be able to open our dairy fairly soon. We're just waiting for a test result, so. So perhaps we could offer you our output for the next two weeks. And how much do you produce a day? About 150 liters. I would prefer a bit longer, but if that's the case, then I could stretch to 30 pence a litre. 30? Given that I'll need to be looking for the next apartment supplier almost immediately. But 30 pence, that's way below the farm gate price for organic milk. With respect that it's organic is irrelevant. I don't usually buy organic and I can hardly suddenly market my products as organic for a fortnight, can I? No, I can see that. Is there any room for maneuver, though? I was really hoping for something north of 40. Oh, no, I'm sorry, that's out of the question. Do you have any other outlets for it? No. So if I don't take it, it'll just be going down the drain, won't it? Well, we have a reed bed filtration system, so never mind. Could you run to 38 pence a litre as we've had such an enjoyable time? I suppose I could stretch to 35, but that really is my limit. 35 it is then. Excellent. It's been a pleasure doing business with you, Mazarcher. 35 pence a litre. I know disappointing isn't the word. No, I mean, it's not that bad. It is, Tom. I just knew I was in trouble as soon as I saw the samples laid out. Celia knew exactly what she was doing, didn't she? She was pulling the strings right from the start. I didn't stand a chance. Must have been so awkward for you, having to taste her cheese and rave about it. Just turn my stomach. Why? Wasn't it very good? If only it was incredible. Sorry, Ellen, I shouldn't laugh. Well, I think how I behaved at the food fair. And talk about cringe. You were desperate to get the Gray Gables business. We both were. That just proves, doesn't it? What goes around comes around. Well, at least you walked away with a deal. That's 35p for a couple of weeks. Output just over 2,000 litres. That's 735 pounds. Well, that's better than a smack in the mouth. We've probably spent more than that on cleaning materials this past week. Yeah, and some. I'm sorry, I need to get some compost on this garlic. Oh, sure, go ahead. And Helen, look. Yes, it's a small dent in our losses, but at least it's something. And the dairy will be up and running soon. Yeah, I hope so. You know how quiet the tea room and shop have been. Yeah. Natasha's racking her brains. We need to think of something big to get people back in. Yeah, but what though? Well, I don't really know, but we'll come up with an idea. We have to all cleaned up in the kitchen. We're gonna take our break now. Oh, nice. Both been pretty quiet, isn't it? It's too quiet for my liking. But it did mean I had time to research them souffle pancakes. Oh, they look really good. Yeah, it weren't just a ploy to get dad back. Yeah, and he will do them. Well, there's a lot he did well to be fair. Oh, is that me? I think so. Speak of the devil. Oh, Message from the man himself. Oh, Mum. Oh, I'll kill him. What? What did he say? He's not coming home when the cruise ends. Why? He's gonna ring me in a bit to explain. But after all we've done for him. I basically saved her life, you know. Kyle, you noticed a small cut on her leg. And Robert's taking me for my thank you treat later. Oh, is he? I forgot. You've only mentioned it about 300 times. I wonder what it's gonna be. Pizza? Bowling? Well, there's a place in Felbudsham where you do like clay pigeon shooting on a screen and that. That'd be wicked. Oh, will you just show up for two minutes, maybe a theme park and take your Feet off that table. They're not even on the table. They're on the newspaper, which is on the table. And I'm not even wearing shoes. You think that makes it better? Get out of my grill, Zainab. Haven't you got curry to deliver or something? Not at 10:00 in the morning, no. I'm working this evening. When are you gonna get a proper job? What? Like Mum says, if you're not going to uni my girl, you need to sort your life out. Oh, Khalil, I'm warning you. Right there. Oh. Oh. There goes Lindy's paper. Let me. Let me. Are you ready, Khalil? Yeah, totally. I can't wait. Excellent. So if you just run and get your coat. Yes. This outing. Yeah. Could I come too? Oi. Yes, of course. The more the merrier. No, hold on. You'll need a coat, though. No problem. Back in a minute. Yes, you too, Khalil. Unbelievable. Are you getting a coat? No, I'll be fine, thanks. Just in that hoodie? Yeah? I don't feel the cold. Panama. The cruise liners stopped there the other night. Wayne found a bar somewhere. Oh, how very unlike him. Sort of Western themed. He sat in on guitar for a couple of numbers and by the end of the night they'd offered him a regular gig. Just like that? Yeah, well, the rhythm guitarist was leaving anyhow to train as a priest. Wow. So Wayne was there just at the right moment. Good timing. Important for a musician. Yeah, he did that joke. I didn't find it funny then neither. Oh, sorry, Jolene. But come on, be fair. I jump at an opportunity like that, even if it is in Panama. Yeah. Yeah, me too, if I'm honest. It don't make me any less mad at him, though. Can I give you the hot specials, then? Oh, yes, please, my darling. Soup is roasted winter roots. Sounds lovely. Pie is chicken and mushroom. Main is venison burger. Veggie Main is zingy Mac and cheese. Zingy with a hint of chilli. Great. I'll put them on the blackboard, Fallon, while you're here. Yeah, well, now that we know your dad's not coming home. Well, we've been really impressed with how you've been coping in the kitchen. Well, more than coping, Kenta. Yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, you're doing great. So if you now want the job on a permanent basis, we be delighted. Yeah, we would. Yeah, I. I thought you might say something like that. So. Well, I got to be honest, I'm really not sure we understand, my darling. No, But. But I promise I'm not going to do a flit like dad did. Oh, no, no, I don't think there's any danger of that. And, well, I'll have a good think about it. Is that so? Here we are. A shed on stilts. A hide. It's for watching birds. I see. Not what you were expecting. I'm not sure what I was expecting, to be honest. Are we allowed in? Well, of course. That's why I brought you here. Oh, sick. Hey, look. Look at this. Massive latch. Open it. Yes, that's the way. You coming, Zinheb? Oh, yeah, try stopping me. I never knew this was even here. After you. Thanks. It's a bit gloomy, isn't it? Well, we'll soon do something about that. Hey, look, can you. Can you get that one? Yeah, sure thing. Oh, my. You can see right over the lake. Yeah, that's Arkwright Lake, after Arkwright Hall. Now, I've got binoculars for you both. These are Lindy's Zeinab. Would you like those? I guess. And my spare pair for you, Khalil. Oh, thank you. So, we'll just settle ourselves down quietly and wait for the birds. Look at these. Yeah, it's a lovely, relaxing way to. To pass a couple of hours. Couple of hours? What, you wish you hadn't a comms in him? No. No, actually, this is something I've always wanted to do. Yeah, right. Is that the Vincent? Yep. Straight from Home Farm. There's some left over. Fancy it for your tea, do you? Yeah, certainly do. Fallon. I know we've all been a bit knocked sideways by Wayne's news, so. Well, I've only just realized he's your dad and you've been used to having him around. Yeah, and, well, suddenly he's moving thousands of miles away. Well, who knows how long this gig will last? He could be back here in a couple of months. Yeah, fair point. But he's got to live his own life. Earning a living from making music, that's always been his dream. And if I ever want to visit him, he's in a nice place. Also very important, so I'm okay. Well, I'm pleased. And with the job. Oh, I really haven't had time to think about it yet. No, no, of course not. I just wanted to say that we totally get that this isn't what you had in mind when you left the tea room. And we know you might not want to be stuck working with your mum and old stepdad, so if you're worried about hurting our feet. Feelings don't be. Thank you, Kenton. You've always wanted to be your own boss, and we respect that. But I would say you don't have to keep Duanes brief. This kitchen would be your domain. Right? And you'd be part of the management team alongside us and Lillian. Oh. Although you wouldn't have a share in the pub, you'd still have an equal voice. And who knows, in the future, you might be able to buy into the business somehow. Anything's possible. Okay, I hadn't thought of that. But that's for the future. Right now, you'd have a lot of creative control. We know that you've got masses of ideas. Why, I really appreciate that. I need to discuss it all with Harrison, though. Oh, no, of course. Of course. And you've got lunch to prep. Just some food for thought. Yes, the herons are starting to build their nests now. Or rebuilding last year's. Right. Robert, how much longer? I'm freezing. Should have brought your coat, shouldn't you? It's not that. I think it is. No, it's the whole thing. I mean, no offense, Robert, but the birds are miles away. No, they aren't. I had to be close to the animals. Oh, there's a. What you call it again? Gooseander. Oh. Look at the lovely brown head. It just looks like a duck to me. Shh. It's a pretty good spot, Zenab. You must be sure to enter it in the sightings book, okay? Along with the others we've seen today. It's all right, Khalil. We won't torture you any longer. I'm glad you've enjoyed it, though, Zainab. I have. Which is a bit of a surprise, actually. Well, I'm happy to bring you along anytime. And you know where the hide is now. You're free to come by yourself if you want. Well, and you're welcome to borrow some binoculars until you get your own pair. Oh, easy, tiger. I can't honestly see myself becoming a regular bird watcher. Ah, no, fair enough. But maybe a return visit in a bit when there are some different species to see? It would be my pleasure. Great. Now can we go? I bet they wish they were back in Bridge Farm. Wow. It's a bit ironic in it. Home Farm's one of the poshest places for miles. Oh, hi, Robert. Hello. What a disappointment it's been for them. Well, sorry. Home Farm. Yeah. You know Joy and Mick are staying there. Well, yes. I assume they must be having the time of their lives. Well, they would be, but they can't get anything to work? It's all stupidly high tech, including the heating and the cooker. Oh, dear. They were in here last night for a meal and a warm up. Well, poor things. What can I get you? Pint of shires, please. Pint of shires? You look a bit chilly yourself. Right. Oh, yes, A morning's bird watching with Dr. Malick's youngsters. Really? How did that go down? Well, let's say a mixed bag. So you'll need a nice lunch to warm me up, then? You read my mind, Julie. What's Wayne's special sandwich today, Fallon? Special? Of course. You think I'd be used to that by now. Well, you'll have to get used to it. It not being Wayne. Anyhow, he ain't coming back. Oh, that's a shame. There you go. And the sandwich is pastrami with mustard and gherkins. Oh, that sounds tempting. Oh, and here is its creator. Hello, Fallon. Hiya. What's up, darling? No problem. No, no, I've just been talking to Harrison about the job. Oh, that was quick. Yeah, very quick. Yeah, I didn't expect to. I messaged him saying I needed to talk to him later and he rang me straight back. Worried. So it was wrong, I expect. How is Harrison? Oh, he's doing well, thanks. Oh, well, how long will he be away? Do you know? Once the cricket season starts, he's going to be missed. We don't know for sure, sorry. But it'll certainly be until the summer. Well, that long anyhow. Robert, special sandwich, is it? Yes, please. And maybe a warming bowl of soup on the side. Roasted winter roots. That sounds splendid. Can you put it all on a tab? Sure, yeah. I'll probably have a coffee afterwards. It won't be long. So that's one soup, one pastrami. You spoke to Harrison then? Oh, yeah. He was worried, so I had to tell him what it was about and then I thought we might as well discuss it. So we had a good talk. And what was the outcome? Well, we both agreed that I should go for it. Fantastic. I'm so sorry, everyone. Nothing to worry about. We just had a bit of good news. That is brilliant. It is. Oh, we're gonna make an amazing partnership, my darling. The three of us. We'll really get this place buzzing. That's what I want. I'm gonna throw everything I've got into it. Just what we'd expect from you. It's funny, isn't it? Like when I lost the charging station. It seemed like the worst thing ever, but now looks like the universe was trying to tell me something. Oh. Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Not again. I don't believe it. It's only me. I brought you this. Pat. What is it? Oh, I'm sorry. Are you all right? It's just. No, I'm sorry, Emma. No, don't worry about me. You must be so tired and worried what all this is doing to the family. Yes, of course I am. But it's been made a thousand times worse by trying to deal with Borsicher water. I have just been cut off again after holding for 15 minutes. Ah. Frustrating. We can't afford to have her appear of this disaster. I don't just mean financially. The strain on us all is horrendous. Yeah, I know we've got to make sure it doesn't happen again, but try getting any sense out of that blasted company. I must have rung them 20 times now. No one ever gets back to me and. Oh, just ignore me. Is. Is that Clary's lemon drizzle cake? Yeah. It's still edible, but it's not quite. Not quite up to the quality to sell. Yeah. So I thought you and the family might like it. Oh, you have it, Emma? No, better not. I don't want Clary to find out. Ah, no. Not after all the effort she's put in. That's very considerate of you. Thank you. This stuff with Borsitra water. Yeah. Is there anything I can do? No, I wouldn't have thought so. I mean, as a. As a parish counsellor. Oh, while I still am one. I might as well try and use my position while I still have it. Well, I'm assuredly you're too busy, Emma. I wish. With the amount of custom we're getting, I could easily leave the tea room to Chelsea for a few hours. Oh, well done. Thanks. Yeah. Should keep me busy while Harrison's up north. Anyway. I'd expect. Expect it will. Not today, though. No. Compulsory day off. Compulsory? I'm not sure how it's happened, but I've worked nearly every day for over a month. Heavens. So now Mum and Kenton know I'm going to be there long term, they insisted I take a day off. Put my feet up. Quite right, too. So who's doing the cooking at the pub? Paula. She's used to standing in and Tracy's helping out. So is that the reason for all your shopping? Oh, this, you mean? Yeah. Comfort food, is it? Something like that. Morning. Oh, hi, Emma. Sorry, are you. No, no, I'm done. I need a couple of batteries, please. Joy. What size? Aa. Right you are. I'm at work. Really? I just nipped time to get my laptop and then I remembered my mouse had stopped working. Anything else? No, that's all, thanks. We were just talking about Fallon's news. Oh, what's that? Oh, I'm now the official permanent chef at the ball. All right. What about Wayne? Don't ask. Well, congratulations. Thanks. Oh, you'll be great at that. 325, please. There you go. Do you want your receipt? No, that's fine, Joy. Sorry to rush. No problem. She's on a mission. Yeah, looks like it. Well, guess I better remind myself what my sofa looks like. Fallon. Peter. Yeah? Do I get the feeling you're not looking forward to this day off? To be honest, I'm not. Really? Yeah. It'd be different if Harrison was around. I thought so. I should be grateful. A whole day with nothing to do. It's different when you're on your own, though, isn't it? Yeah, I know that only too well. So if you'd rather have some company, you'd be welcome to come round later to Home Farm, if you'd like. Well, I'd be glad of an excuse to get out of that cottage for a bit. Great. But no offense, Joy, but aren't you Mick freezing under blankets at Home Farm and living off sandwiches? No, we were, but Mick finally got hold of Mr. Gill on a ski lift in Colorado. Impressive. Mr. Gill, not Mick. Yeah, I got that. So everything's working fine now? Well, most things. And that does include the heating, I promise. Oh, well, in that case, I'd be happy to accept Champion. I get off from here at 2, so feel free to come around anytime after that. Oh, sit down, Emma. Oh, thanks. How have you been getting on? It's been pretty mixed, to be honest. In what way? Well, I see what you mean about Borsitra water. Not very responsive, are they? Not at all. But while I was on hold, I did some research online. Have you heard of Beequag? No. The Borsetshire Clean Water Action Group? Vaguely. Look, Pat, according to them, the Ambridge storm overflows discharged sewage 45 times in the past year. 45 times? Well, that's not normal, surely. No. And look at this. They reckon there's a problem with the. Oh, there. The hydraulic capacity. That's the amount of water the system can cope with. I see. They say there's been a history of under investment going back years. Oh, well, that doesn't surprise me. This is excellent work, Emma. Thank you. I'll Carry on digging, shall I? If you don't mind. And I'll keep pestering the water company too. I think the sun's over the yard arm, isn't it? Oh, definitely. Well, I hoped you'd say that. Not that I've ever really known what a yard arm is. Me neither. Something my old dad used to say. Mine too. Oh, and help yourself to nibbles. That's generous of me, seeing as you brought most of them. Well, it's the least I could do, Joan. Well, good health. Cheers. I've been admiring that gizmo. Which one? The vacuum cleaner. Gliding around on its own, keeping everything spic and span. Do you like it? I do. I don't. Why not? Gives me the heebie jeebies. Like it's spying on me all the time. The whole house is amazing. It is that. It's like living in the future. Still can't quite believe we're here. Although. Yeah, I'm not sure what Brian and his family would say if they knew what the girls had done to the place. Did you ever come here when they owned it? Yeah. I catered a few things for Jennifer over the years. Did a land themed party once. Land? What were you cooking? Soil and worms. Well, you're closer than you think, Joy. Goodness. So. Yeah, Yeah, I remember what it used to look like. Very different from this, I can tell. You thought it would be. Hello? In the lounge, love. You'll never guess what happened at work this afternoon. What's going on? We've been putting the world to rights, haven't we, Fallon? We certainly have. Glass of wine, Mick? No, no, no, no, no, no. Or a beer? Fallon can't be here. What do you mean? And he's drinking red wine. Deal with that. Oh, with all these light colors, coloured fabrics. What are you thinking, woman? Don't you woman me. Oh, and sun dried tomatoes. Why don't you just park the car on the hearth rug and drain the sun? I think I better go. I'm sorry, Palin. I promised the girls. No damage, no mess and no guests. You're what? We are only house sitting. You see? I get it. You can't throw her out. Pav and Jasmine, they wouldn't be pleased if they knew someone. No, no, I. I wouldn't want to cause you any trouble. Look, I am sorry. Don't worry about it. It. Mick. Thanks for a lovely afternoon. Joy, you'll have to come around to Woodbine Cottage sometime. Surely there's no need. I'll see myself out. If you've been looking for A way to embarrass us, Mick, you couldn't have found a better way than that. I said I was sorry. But Pav said it again when I spoke to him yesterday. No guests under any circumstances. Why didn't you say? I honestly didn't think it would come up. Oh, this place. First nothing works and then no one can visit. It's like a posh prison. Don't. Make you a cup of tea or something, Emma? Oh, no, I'm all right. I feel guilty you're spending all this time wrestling with bureaucracy on our behalf. It's in my interest as much as yours, Pat. When you put it like that, I suppose it is. And there's been a development, has there? Well, sort of. Anyway, I finally got hold of someone from Borsichire Water. How did you do that? I went through the press office. Oh. Why didn't I think of that? I made a big fuss about being a parish councillor and what have you. Well done. I told them what this BE quag group was saying and asked for a comment. What did they say? Nothing much. Blamed our sewage spill on high rainfall and exceptional groundwater conditions. Yeah, but the action group's figures prove that's only a very small part of the truth. Yep. The infrastructure should be able to deal with that. Or else. What's it for? Don't have to persuade me. This sort of polite approach is just gonna get us brushed off every time, isn't it? Probably. Something radical needs to be done. What, though? We need to take the fight right to their door. Make it so they can't hide from the facts. Great. Count me in. Well, no, no. When I said we. I don't expect you to get involved. Why not? Well, you shouldn't be sticking your head above the parapet. Not when your role on the council's looking so uncertain. No, I want to. You took a big risk when you wrote George, that reference. That was different. Not really. That was you putting your head above the parapet when nearly everyone had turned their back on us. No, Pat. I owe you. All right, then. Thank you. Great. So what we gonna do? So, is it all right if I drink me wine in here? Ah, joy. Or do you want me to put some newspaper down? Don't be like that. In case I spill some on my marble floor, love. Not that I'm in a habit of dropping me food and drink. I know you're not. I'm beginning to wish we'd never come here. At least at Bridge Farm I felt welcome. It's not that you're not welcome. They're just very house proud. I'm house proud, Mick. Doesn't mean I banned the whole world from popping in. I know. What harm would Fallon have done? We were having such a nice time. And we could have a nice time too. Hey, there's something I haven't told you yet. Oh? As an apology for all the inconvenience with the controller going missing and that. Yes? Pav said we're allowed to use the sauna if we like. A saa? Yeah. Kept that quiet, didn't they? But where? In the cellar. There's a cellar? A games room down there too. Oh, Mick. Pool table, football. Never mind them if we can use the sauna. I'll drink me red wine in the bath if I have to. You know, in a funny way, this is just what I need. Why do you say that? Well, with George being in prison. Oh, I feel so powerless, Pat. I know the feeling. I can't do nothing about that. But this is something I can do. Maybe make a difference. Get something changed. That's wonderful. And actually, even if some of us are going to be very visible, there must be lots of behind the scenes things to do, like we've already done today. Let's see how it goes. I really am very grateful, Emma. Actually, this might do me good as well. Back in the day, I used to be something of a firebrand. You know, just ask Tony. Yeah, I have got that impression. You know, as you get older. There have been countless times over the years. I heard about some protest happening and thought I should get involved with that. But then I never did. You've been so busy. The family, the farm. But I always regretted not taking part. Not this time, though. This time nothing's going to stop me from BBC Radio 4. Exemplar series two, the return of the award winning thriller set in the world of audio forensics. Not detectable. A phone has been hacked. I got your message. A successful television actor hires Jess and Maya, forensic scientists, to investigate. This doesn't feel right. You think it's hacked? How else do you get a message from a dead woman's phone? The suspicion is that the recording has been doctored. I'm telling you. But I did not say those words. He's not denying it's him, but he's clearly convinced it's been edited and he's not saying anything about what he thinks is missing from it. Do you think they'll ask for the exemplar? Absolutely. Exemplar Series two. Listen on BBC sounds Welcome to the Criminalia Podcast. Together, we invite you into the dark and winding corridors of historical true crime. Each season, we explore a new theme. From poisoners to art thieves, we uncover the secrets of history's most interesting figures. And tune in at the end of each episode as we indulge in cocktails and mocktails inspired by each story. Listen to Criminalia on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search Criminalia.