The Arthur Podcast – Episode 301: "Desk Wars"
Date: November 9, 2023
Host: Arthur Read (Narrator), Mr. Ratburn, Brain, Muffy, Buster, Binky, Fern, Francine
Produced by: GBH Kids & Gen-Z Media, distributed by PBS Kids and PRX
Episode Overview
In this heated and comedic episode, Arthur brings listeners into a not-so-typical day at Lakewood Elementary. With an unusually hot spring day fanning tempers and creativity alike, students in Mr. Ratburn’s third-grade class break into a full-blown "desk war." What begins as friendly desk comparisons devolves into drama and chaos, revealing the quirks and camaraderie (and competition) among Arthur and his friends. The group must learn to cooperate—and scramble—to clean up their mess, all before enjoying an unexpected reward.
Main Segments & Key Insights
1. Setting the Scene – Hot Day at School
[00:36–02:06]
- Arthur paints a vivid picture of classroom life: "It's really sweaty out here today... I want to show you Mr. Ratburn's third grade classroom."
- Listeners share stories about their own classrooms, highlighting "peace corners" and "calm corners" that help kids relax.
- Quote: "You can learn a lot about a person just from what's in their desk." – Arthur (02:00)
2. Desk Snooping and Tensions Rising
[02:06–03:45]
- Arthur tries to look in classmates' desks—Muffy protests; Buster feels picked on.
- Friendly arguments spark as Muffy, Buster, and others get defensive, hinting at underlying competition over classroom territory.
- Mr. Ratburn struggles with the "seasonably warm" classroom.
- Quote: "This classroom feels a bit like a tandoori oven." – Mr. Ratburn (02:45)
3. Desk Features and Rivalries
[03:45–05:52]
- Kids notice the desks by the window "are getting more breeze"—Muffy and Brain complain about fairness.
- Buster reveals he has an old "emergency" tuna sandwich in his desk, causing a stink.
- Trading and bragging: Bionic Bunny comics, Karate Kitten stickers, and Brain’s invention—a solar-powered supply dispenser.
- Quote: "I've added a supplies dispenser... A pencil is delivered to you automatically." – Brain (05:18)
4. Escalation: The Great Desk Shuffle
[06:07–08:29]
- Clashes over desk territory: Sue Ellen and Arthur hang decorative curtains, blocking Brain's solar panel.
- Mr. Ratburn makes Brain move desks (to much protest).
- Desks are compared for "coolness" (literally, temperature). Binky brags about his rubber band ball; Fern’s eraser "hedgehog" is revealed.
- Manipulative plans form as Muffy suggests faking an argument so someone can snag a breezy desk.
5. Fallout and Frustration
[08:29–10:31]
- The faked argument backfires—Arthur gets Brain’s breezy desk, stoking further jealousy.
- Muffy accuses Arthur of "betraying his friends" (even referencing a tricycle feud at age three).
- Quick desk and group switching, tempers flare as everyone jostles for better seats.
6. Total Breakdown: Objects as Bargaining Chips
[10:31–12:24]
- The group’s squabbling peaks—threats fly:
- Brain threatens Fern’s eraser hedgehog: "Your pinecone hedgehog will be crushed." (10:40)
- Binky claims dibs on desks, snacks, and more.
- Karate Kitten stickers, desk curtains, comics, cookies, rubber bands—everything’s up for grabs or destruction.
- Memorable Moment: The kids threaten to "toss Arthur's microphone out the window."
7. Resolution: Mr. Ratburn Intervenes
[12:24–13:56]
- Mr. Ratburn finds chaos: "What in Aunt Betsy is going on in here? Quiet, everybody." (12:24)
- He assigns the class 3 minutes to clean up or face hours of after-school detention.
- Fern quietly leads the effort, cleaning up even though she didn’t cause any mess: "I don't mind cleaning up. You all make such a big deal out of everything." – Fern (13:22)
8. Happy Ending: Cooperation and Surprise News
[13:56–14:23]
- The class manages to clean up just in time.
- Mr. Ratburn shares joyful news: "I'm an uncle!" and—delight for all—announces: "In honor of my new niece, no homework." (14:14)
- The heatwave is resolved for the day; everyone is sent out for recess.
9. Wrap-Up: Lessons and Laughs
[14:23–End]
- Arthur reflects: "That wasn’t exactly a typical morning… the most epic desk war we’ve ever had." (14:23)
- Muffy invites Arthur to play broomball, hinting at more playful camaraderie to come.
- The group moves on, showing their friendships survive even the wildest school day spats.
Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)
- On classroom quirks: "You can learn a lot about a person just from what's in their desk." – Arthur (02:00)
- On the heat: "This classroom feels a bit like a tandoori oven..." – Mr. Ratburn (02:45)
- On old lunches: "This sandwich is from the last time we had tuna fish in the cafeteria. It's my emergency sandwich, and I keep it in my desk." – Buster (03:58)
- On inventions: "I've added a supplies dispenser... powered by solar panels." – Brain (05:18)
- On Fern’s hedgehog: "Fern’s been working on it all year. She takes the last bits of anyone's erasers and adds them to a pine cone." – Binky (06:56)
- On the chaos: "If you waste them [stickers] on Brain's desk, then I'll cut this desk curtain into confetti." – Muffy (11:12)
- Ratburn’s return: "Since this class is normally a well behaved group of children, I'm going to give you an opportunity to work together to clean up this mess." – Mr. Ratburn (12:24)
- Unexpected joy: "I'm an uncle! ...In honor of my new niece, no homework." – Mr. Ratburn (14:14)
- On the epic day: "I might call that the most epic desk war we've ever had." – Arthur (14:23)
Segment Timestamps
- 00:36–02:06 – Arthur sets the scene; listeners share classroom experiences
- 02:06–03:45 – Desk snooping and first signs of tension
- 03:45–05:52 – Desk features, rivalries, and Buster’s infamous sandwich
- 06:07–08:29 – Escalating arguments, desk shuffling
- 08:29–10:31 – Fallout from fake arguments, more switching
- 10:31–12:24 – Object threats and peak chaos
- 12:24–13:56 – Ratburn restores order; the group cleans up
- 13:56–14:23 – Mr. Ratburn’s good news and no-homework surprise
- 14:23–End – Arthur’s closing thoughts and transition to broomball
Episode Tone & Style
- Language: Funny, energetic, and true to the personalities of the Elwood City kids.
- Tone: Whimsical, relatable, sometimes chaotic but always light-hearted—showing how silly problems can feel big until the class comes together.
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re an Arthur fan or a first-timer, "Desk Wars" is a fast-paced, humorous dive into classroom dynamics, full of relatable moments, minor chaos, and satisfying teamwork in the end. The episode is a reminder that even on the hottest and craziest days, friends can work together (eventually!)—with a little help from a kind teacher…and the promise of no homework.