The Athletic Hockey Show
Episode: What we’re giving all 32 NHL teams for Christmas
Hosts: Max Bultman & Mark Lazerus
Date: December 22, 2025
Episode Overview
In this festive episode, Max and Mark take a tour around the NHL, “gifting” each of the league’s 32 teams what they think each squad needs most heading into the holidays and the second half of the season. Their tongue-in-cheek approach covers everything from on-ice adjustments and roster fixes to jokes about tradition and fan suffering. The conversation is lively, opinionated, and loaded with both keen analysis and sharp wit.
Atlantic Division
Toronto Maple Leafs — "Passion"
- Max Bultman opens discussion: “It's meltdown city in Toronto right now.”
- Gift: Passion. Mark references coach Craig Berube’s blunt “ask those guys” quote and how it signals both desperation and a need for leadership/passion revival.
“[Berube] is grasping at straws here and trying to light a fire under his team in any way he knows how. ... This nuclear option is throw the blame at them, pass the buck to them, challenge their manhoods.” — Mark Lazarus [04:25]
- Max wonders if Berube’s method will work or backfire.
Ottawa Senators — “Linus Ullmark from last year”
- Gift: Last year’s version of their goalie. Max points out Linus Ullmark “stole them games last year”, but this year “looks unrecognizable.”
"It's going to all hinge on Linus Hallmark being the guy he was for them a year ago.” — Max Bultman [05:57]
- Mark wishes for 2022-2024 Ullmark, a proven #1 starter, not just a platoon player.
Tampa Bay Lightning — “A Neck Brace (for Season Whiplash)”
- Gift: Stability from wild swings.
“What I want to give the Tampa Bay Lightning is a neck brace for the whiplash of their season.” — Mark Lazarus [07:16]
- Despite an elite goal differential and strong stats, they’ve been erratic.
“Braden Point is the most mystifying to me... hasn’t quite looked like Braden Point to me.” — Max Bultman [08:02]
Florida Panthers — “Matthew Tkachuk’s Full Return”
- Gift: Matthew Tkachuk, hopefully at the Winter Classic.
“They’re starting to kick it into high gear ... They want to go out there and have a big game — you know Kachuk's got it circled.” — Mark Lazarus [09:42]
Boston Bruins — “A Clear Direction”
- Gift: Identity. Are they rebuilding or retooling?
“I think the ideal is that they pick the rebuild lane, but I’d settle for either.” — Max Bultman [10:41]
Montreal Canadiens — “A #1 Goalie to Emerge”
- Gift: Clarity between Montembeault, Dobes, Fowler, etc.
“I love this Montreal team. I don’t feel great about any of these goalies right now. They need one of these guys to step up and become the number one.” — Mark Lazarus [12:43]
- Both agree: Montreal is competitive but “needs one of these guys to emerge.” — Max Bultman [13:43]
Detroit Red Wings — “A Calendar Without March”
- Gift: Remove March, their annual downfall month.
“I'm giving them a 2026 calendar that only has 11 months in it. The month of March just vanishes.” — Max Bultman [14:27]
- Mark: That playoff debut in LCA is “one of my favorite arenas ... The atmosphere in there should be amazing.” [14:59]
Buffalo Sabres — “Fan Relief or a Bills Super Bowl”
- Gift: Mercy and reward for fan loyalty.
"I'm going to give them a Bill Super Bowl." — Mark Lazarus [15:48]
- Both skeptical about goaltending and sustainability.
Metropolitan Division
Washington Capitals — “Respect”
- Gift: League-wide recognition.
“The Capitals deserve some respect this Christmas.” — Max Bultman [19:45] "Since the start of the 2024–25 season, only Colorado and Dallas have more standings points than Washington and it’s only by five.” — Mark Lazarus [20:44]
Carolina Hurricanes — “A Wide-Open Eastern Conference”
- Gift: No juggernaut blocking their playoff path.
“That's the best thing Carolina could ask for.” — Max [21:59]
- Concerns remain about rookie goalie Brandon Bussi.
"I need to see it in the playoffs. I need to see a goalie do it in the playoffs for more than a round or two." — Mark [22:17]
NY Islanders — “Matthew Schaefer Not at the Olympics”
- Gift: Relief from the injury curse in international play.
“The scars run deep on Long Island ... I want to give to the New York Islanders the stress relief of not having him [Schaefer] in Milan.” — Mark [23:30]
New Jersey Devils — “Jack Hughes-Sized Bubble Wrap”
- Gift: Health for Hughes, their offensive spark.
“Their power play’s down ... Jack Hughes is the New Jersey Devils’ offense.” — Mark [24:48] "He might be my very favorite player in the league to watch." — Mark [25:32]
NY Rangers — “A Whiteout Pen for NTCs”
- Gift: Erase no-trade clauses and regain flexibility.
“If you were starting over, who would still have a no trade clause?” — Mark [26:21]
Philadelphia Flyers — “A Homegrown Centerman”
- Gift: Not another recycled or makeshift center.
“It’s a new, not a used, recycled center. They need a centerman.” — Max [27:12]
- Mark: “I have no idea what [the Flyers] are. Are they pretty good? Are they actually kind of bad?”
Columbus Blue Jackets — “Fantilli’s Breakout Year”
- Gift: A leap forward for Fantilli (like Bedard or Carlson made).
"They need Fantilli to become their star... It's got to be hard if you’re a Blue Jackets fan to see Bedard and Carlson going off..." — Mark [29:00]
Pittsburgh Penguins — “40-Minute Games”
- Gift: Avoid blowing third-period leads.
“It is uncanny how good they are at blowing third period [leads]... I just want to give them little two-period games.” — Mark [30:55]
Central Division
Colorado Avalanche — “A Challenge”
- Gift: Strong division foes to stay sharp.
“So I'm going to give the Colorado Avalanche a challenge and I think that's probably most in the form of the Dallas Stars.” — Max [33:37]
Dallas Stars — “A Move Back to the Pacific or 1–8 Playoff Seeding”
- Gift: An easier path to deep playoff runs.
"Imagine how dominant they would be in that division... They’d win it in 10 games total." — Mark [35:48]
"...How about we give Dallas a 1 through 8 seeding system instead?" — Mark [37:04]
Minnesota Wild — “Quinn Hughes Statue Real Estate”
- Gift: Celebrate their newly acquired superstar.
“I’m gifting them some real estate for them to build the Quinn Hughes statue when he extends there and becomes the face of Minnesota hockey.” — Max [37:16]
- Cautious about Hughes's heavy workload.
Chicago Blackhawks — “Full Face Protection”
- Gift: Face masks for all, after a streak of facial injuries.
“I want to get them like a set of what they call fishbowl bubbles or college cages, because ... I don't understand how players aren't playing with those.” — Mark [39:42]
Winnipeg Jets — “Vezina-Form Connor Hellebuyck”
- Gift: Need their elite goalie healthy and dominant to have any chance in a tough division.
“They need VEZ in a level Hellebuyck.” — Max [41:54]
Utah Mammoth — “The Fantasy Vejmelka That Was Promised”
- Gift: Goaltending that isn’t sabotaging Mark's fantasy hockey team.
“They have the worst 5-on-5 save percentage in the entire NHL ... I think Dom and Shayna intentionally sabotaged me.” — Mark [42:55]
St. Louis Blues — “A Redacted Goal Differential”
- Gift: Hide unpleasant stats from sight.
“I want to give them an Epstein-file-like redaction of the standings that nobody sees their goal differential ..." — Mark [43:38]
Nashville Predators — “End the Hot Streak, Start a Rebuild”
- Gift: Clarity to embrace a real rebuild, not a mirage from a hot week.
“They do not need to delude themselves into thinking that this is going to end anywhere positive. They need to sell.” — Max [44:38]
- Mark: “Just staying the course would be an unmitigated disaster.” [45:36]
Pacific Division
Edmonton Oilers — “A Real Goaltending Solution”
- Gift: Another shot at solving their biggest need.
“They went out and got themselves a Tristan Jarry. ... They might want to do over.” — Max [45:46]
Vancouver Canucks — “A #1 Overall Pick”
- Gift: Top talent for a long-suffering, wild fanbase.
“I want to do something nice for the Vancouver Canucks who are never nice to me in my mentions, but I love the Vancouver Canucks.” — Mark [46:47] “This isn’t the draft to have the number one pick, but... that would just fit Vancouver to a tee then, wouldn’t it?” — Mark [47:53]
Seattle Kraken — “A Lump of Coal”
- Gift: For both on-ice and off-ice shenanigans.
“I’m giving the Seattle Kraken a lump of coal. ... Not a lot going right in Seattle ... it's just a bummer.” — Max [48:00], Mark [48:46]
- Mark laments: “They are just abysmal to watch.” [49:31]
Los Angeles Kings — “No-Doz for Fans”
- Gift: Wake up, team is effective but boring.
“I want to give a bottle of No-Doz to their fans because, like ... the Los Angeles Kings are to play...” — Mark [50:12]
Anaheim Ducks — “A Year of Tums for Coach Quenneville”
- Gift: For indigestion from wild, high-event hockey.
“They are just giving up action nonstop. I don't know how Joel Quenneville is going to handle ... the way his team plays hockey. I love it. It's like everything I was just saying about the Seattle and the Kings. The Ducks are how I want hockey to be.” — Mark [52:06]
Vegas Golden Knights — “A Fast-Forward Button”
- Gift: Skip to the meaningful parts of the season, or the trade deadline.
“I think this is going to be an annoying second half of the year to just kind of wait until what they're really waiting for.” — Max [53:38]
- Mark adds: “I want to give them a Mitch Marner regression to the mean ... He will not shoot the puck.” [54:05]
San Jose Sharks — “More Overtime”
- Gift: Where they’ve been improbably successful this year.
“They are tied for the most overtime wins in the National Hockey League ... When they go to overtime, good things seem to happen for them.” — Max [54:36]
- Mark: “I still don’t think they’re very good, but man, they’re fun as hell...” [54:55]
Calgary Flames — “Market for Their Trade Chips”
- Gift: Solid returns for likely-to-be-traded veterans, so they can start over.
“What I want to give them is a robust market for Rasmus Andersson and Nazem Kadri.” — Mark [57:12] “Kadri is this year’s Brock Nelson. He’s the perfect guy ... you just slot right in and you know he’s going to ... work.” — Mark [58:14]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “If the Leafs go on ... a three game win streak, they’re basically in the playoffs ... we don’t really believe in these Leafs...” (Mark Lazarus [04:25])
- “March wiped [Detroit] out both times.” (Max Bultman [14:27])
- “I think Dallas has to beat two of the other top five teams in the league ... that’s hard to do every year.” (Max [37:04])
- “I want to give ... every player ... a face mask at all times. ... You are a multi-million dollar investment from your team...” (Mark [39:42])
- “I just want to give them little two-period games and they get to go home early, beat the traffic on I270 and everything will be fine.” (Mark on Pittsburgh [31:20])
- “Kadri is this year’s Brock Nelson. Right. He’s the perfect guy. You just slot right in and you know he’s going to work.” (Mark [58:14])
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [02:26] — Start: Maple Leafs' passion problem
- [05:57] — Ottawa’s goalie woes
- [07:16] — Tampa’s season whiplash
- [09:36] — Panthers need Tkachuk back
- [10:41] — Bruins: stuck in between
- [12:43] — Canadiens’ goalie conundrum
- [14:27] — Detroit’s March misery
- [15:48] — Buffalo: Is it finally time?
- [19:45] — Washington Capitals: respect due
- [21:59] — Carolina has a clear runway
- [23:30] — Islanders & Olympic grudge
- [24:48] — Devils without Hughes
- [26:21] — Rangers’ NTC bind
- [27:12] — Flyers’ need for a real center
- [29:00] — Blue Jackets’ Fantilli development
- [31:20] — Penguins’ third period woes
- [33:37] — Avalanche need a challenge
- [35:48] — Dallas: The playoff gauntlet
- [37:16] — Wild's use of Quinn Hughes
- [39:42] — Blackhawks’ full cage campaign
- [41:54] — Jets’ goaltender hopes
- [42:55] — Utah’s goalie fantasy bust
- [43:38] — St. Louis wants to hide GD
- [44:38] — Nashville needs to rebuild, not win streaks
- [45:46] — Oilers’ goaltening dilemma
- [46:47] — Canucks’ longing for #1 pick
- [48:00] — Kraken’s coal-worthy year
- [50:12] — LA’s snooze-fest
- [52:06] — Ducks’ wild ways
- [53:38] — Vegas wants to fast-forward
- [54:36] — San Jose’s overtime fun
- [57:12] — Calgary's future in the trade market
Overall Tone and Takeaway:
Energetic, irreverent, and full of inside jokes — but always sharp and fair. Max and Mark blend their deep knowledge of each team’s situation with holiday metaphor and classic hockey banter, making for one of the season’s most entertaining roundups.