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- [00:01]
Jamie
Hey, guys. Welcome back to the authentic Society. I'm Jamie, and today we have a very special guest, Tiffany Jenkins. You might know her from social media, but. Or as an author. She's coming out with a new book called A Clean Mess this June, and we're gonna do a girl chat today. I'm so excited to have you here, Tiffany.
- [00:24]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yay.
- [00:25]
Jamie
Yeah. So let's just dive right into it. I kind of want to start at the beginning because you are. You have written a book before and you are big on social media before. We kind of dive into your new book, but you're known at what. What's your social media handle? What is it? Keeping up with the Jenkins or what?
- [00:48]
Tiffany Jenkins
Close. It's juggling the Jenkins.
- [00:51]
Jamie
Juggling the Jenkins, Yeah.
- [00:52]
Tiffany Jenkins
And I thought I was going to be a blogger at first, and so I started a blog. And all the blogs have, like, a growing the Gregory's or walking with the Williams. So I was like, juggling the Jenkins is genius. But then it kind of. I decided to move away from the blogging, and so now I'm just known as juggling the Jenkins. And people get confused sometimes, and they're like, we're jiggling the jugs. What is your name? And so. So I have to correct them, but it doesn't matter. You can call me whatever you want.
- [01:27]
Jamie
Yeah. So did you start social media first or did you write your first book first and then social media kind of snowballed into that, or what did that kind of look like?
- [01:38]
Tiffany Jenkins
It all feels like it happened at the exact same time. I had postpartum depression after one of my kids and the doctor suggested that I write or keep a journal or a diary? And at that point in time, bloggers were super popular. So I was like, how cool would it be if I just did this publicly so that anybody else who's going through something similar might be able to relate? So I started the blog first, and then my friend was like, who works in pr was like, hey, no offense, I love seeing all your blog stuff, but have you considered starting a separate page other than your personal Facebook to share your blogs so that, you know, more people could discover it? And so that's when I came up with the idea to start juggling the Jenkins specifically to share my blog posts. And then I made a. And it went super viral, and everything just kind of took off overnight, it feels like. But I went from writing about motherhood and things like that to writing about jail and addiction, and that's when things exploded.
- [02:43]
Jamie
Yeah. So besides you being A mother and struggling with postpartum. You have also struggled with addiction from a very time. And so you were in jail. And that kind of goes over in the book, what it was like, look like after jail, which I think is really fascinating because we don't talk. I feel like enough about what that looks like for people when they get out of jail and what it's like for them to adapt again. And we kind of just, you know, people that have gone to prison or jail, we just kind of throw them back into the real world. And so what was that like to, you know, just be thrown back in there without any kind of, like, guidance or help? And just here you are.
- [03:38]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yeah, it was wild. Luckily, I think I did it the right way, because for 10 years, all I knew was addiction and drugs and getting drugs and getting money and doing drugs. And that was my main focus for a decade. It was all that mattered. It was all I thought about. My life revolved around it. And then suddenly I found myself in jail with everything I'd known stripped away from me. And so, you know, once the drugs left my system in the jail and I began to think clearly, I kind of could see the path in front of me that I needed to take if I wanted to live life differently. So I made the decision to go to rehab. And then after rehab, I made the decision to go to a halfway house because I knew I still needed accountability, but I wanted freedom. And so, in a way, I eased out into the real world, it felt like, because at a halfway house, of course, there's rules and there's structure and there's accountability, but you can come and go as you please. And after being in jail and rehab for over a year, it was the first time I was really free. It was terrifying. It was really scary to be a grown adult in the world without drugs. It's like being a newborn, having to learn all over again how to navigate life this way. And there was some trials, some tribulations, some successes. It was definitely not a smooth path, but I hoped by writing about that part of my journey, other people could see, you know, a, you aren't alone. If you're just getting out of jail and rehab and you feel completely clueless and lost, you're not alone. But B, you know, hopefully show the loved ones of addicts who are just reentering the world what they might be experiencing.
- [05:24]
Jamie
What was. I guess I have two questions. When did you start using? And what was your, like, kryptonite? Like, what was your drug of choice? Like, what really was, you know, what you felt was the hardest to get off of?
- [05:42]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yep. I started the first time I ever put anything illegal into my body. I was 18, it was my senior year and it was alcohol. And I loved the feeling so much that I dropped out of school, started hanging out with people who were partying, and it progressed slowly. And it wasn't until around age 22 or 23 that I was introduced to my drug of choice, which was opiates. And more specifically, it started as Roxycodone. And then I became an IV drug user.
- [06:16]
Jamie
Wow. So, you know, I think it's all interesting that your developmental years really 18 through 23, is you were using drugs and alcohol. Do you feel like alcohol really was like the gateway drug to the harder stuff?
- [06:38]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yes.
- [06:38]
Jamie
Do you think that you just. If you had never picked up drinking, then there would have been no reason to use or do you feel as that that was just. You haven't. It was always you were going to get addicted to something.
- [06:53]
Tiffany Jenkins
It's so hard to say because at the time, looking back, I can see it so clearly. I was struggling with anxiety and depression, but I wasn't talking about it because we didn't talk about it back then. I needed to feel different. And alcohol, when I took a sip for the first time, I felt numb. I didn't feel worried or anxious or afraid. I didn't feel anything. And that was the greatest feeling that I had ever experienced. And it made me want more of that peace. And so self medicating is something that I've always done, whether it be with food or people. It just eventually turned to drugs. So if I hadn't had alcohol that day, I don't know what my life would look like. But if I wasn't getting professional help of some kind, if I wasn't getting the real issues addressed, then I would have found another way to do it myself, to self medicate.
- [07:47]
Jamie
Well, I feel like there are so many people that can relate to that, that struggle with mental health. And just like you said, thank God we're talking about it more and more and it's not such a taboo subject because I, you know, it used to be like a shameful thing if you struggle with mental health. And it used to be like some you're crazy, something's wrong with you. And I'm glad that we're really growing out of that narrative that it's a lot more common than we think it is and so many people struggle with it and so many people it's not. It's not embarrassing or not as embarrassing it was to seek professional help. Was it while you were. While you went to jail or after you jail or you went to jail or even while you were using that you knew that you were struggling with mental health or did you not even grasp that something was really wrong?
- [08:52]
Tiffany Jenkins
I didn't even. I didn't realize that I had anxiety until I became a mom. And my anxiety escalated and was just blown out of proportion because suddenly I. This thing that I cared so much about, I became obsessive about keeping the kids safe. And that was when I was like, wow, I don't know that I'm supposed to be feeling like, I need to bring a taser to the park with me. Like, I don't know if this is a normal feeling. And it wasn't until my daughter was born and the doctor was like, you have postpartum depression, and you also have anxiety, and so here's how we can help you. That I realized, oh, I've always had this. It's always been this way. I just didn't know.
- [09:40]
Jamie
It's like a light bulb, you know, when you figure out that you've. You're. You're struggling with something. Because I struggle with an anxiety disorder, and mental health runs really strong on my dad's side of the family, and I even struggle with depression sometimes. It is when you finally figure out, oh, this is why I am the way I am, it's a big relief. But a lot of people don't figure that out early, right? And it's the struggle of trying to figure out, like, what the hell is wrong with me? Which nothing's wrong with you.
- [10:21]
Tiffany Jenkins
It's just right there.
- [10:22]
Jamie
You have, you know, and did. So when you were going through postpartum depression and, you know, figuring out that anxiety, what was that journey like for the first time? Not using drugs or alcohol to cope with that. What were some things that you did that really changed your life to be able to navigate that anxiety in postpartum depression?
- [10:50]
Tiffany Jenkins
So I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. I went on medication, and I'm neither, you know, recommending or. Or not medication. Everybody's different, and you have to find what works for you. For me, in this case, medication was a bonus to my treatment, and it helped me. It doesn't work that way for everybody. And reaching out for help in motherhood was huge because for so long, I felt like I had to do everything myself, because if I asked for help, it meant I wasn't capable or I wasn't good enough. And so once I realized, like, it does take a village and it's okay to ask for help with dishes or have a friend come over and watch the baby so you can get stuff done or nap, it changed everything. Once I realized I didn't have to do it alone and there was no shame in asking for help.
- [11:37]
Jamie
Yeah. I don't know if you watch Kylie Kelsey's podcast or you've ever seen clips, but she said that giving birth is easy. It's the postpartum that's the hardest thing of the journey. And I think so many women can relate to that, especially as first time as moms, because you just don't know how you're supposed to feel and everything's new. And it's really scary to feel so overwhelmed in your own life that you kind of. You kind of start to panic or you. You isolate yourself or you do things out of character. Do you feel like. With that postpartum and anxiety, did you ever feel like you wanted to use again? Like, how did you. Oh, clean.
- [12:35]
Tiffany Jenkins
It got dark. It got really dark. Like, not even just wanting to use again. I'm not joking. I planned and plotted how to, like, fake a kidnapping of mine. Like, I needed to figure out. I pictured myself running into the woods just for like a week and just living on the land and not being responsible for anything because it was so overwhelming. I, like, resented my kids for existing, and their little shrieks and screams was like nails on a chalkboard to me. And I was not able to bond with these kids. So here I was, you know, my husband at the time was at work. It was just me and these babies. And I'm looking down at them like, why can't I feel anything for you? It's not supposed to be like this. Like, I. And which sounds, you know, contradictory because it was like I had this anxiety where I was so worried something was going to happen to them. But I also didn't want to be a parent. And so I went back and forth constantly with this. Like, I would dread going to sleep at night because it meant the next day I was going to have to wake up and change diapers and feed kids and be a mom. And I'm like, this can't be normal. I wanted these children. I carried these children. I need help. Something is wrong. And that's when I learned there's all kinds of postpartum stuff. Postpartum psychosis, postpartum anxiety, postpartum depression. There's all these different things that can occur after childbirth. And I think once I Realized that I wasn't crazy. And the doctor had a conversation with me like he had had it a thousand times before. It made me feel less guilt and shame and be able to focus on getting better for the kids.
- [14:20]
Jamie
Wow. Yeah. I. I'm not a mom yet, but I. That is, you know, something that I have a lot of mom friends that I. I feel people can so deeply relate to women. Just feeling like you're alone after birth. And it's. It's so common, just like mental health. And it definitely needs to be talked about more, which is great that you created a platform with really what. What that looked like for you, but backing up before, you know, creating the platform and stuff and your drug use. Do you mind telling my listeners that probably don't know you. What, how you. How you ended up in jail, what that kind of looked like beforehand?
- [15:16]
Tiffany Jenkins
Sure. I. I grew up in a house with a police officer as a father figure. My mom. Did you really?
- [15:25]
Jamie
My dad was a police officer.
- [15:28]
Tiffany Jenkins
No way. Okay, so did you go off the rails, like, at any point?
- [15:34]
Jamie
I had, like. I had like three underage drinking tickets in my time. I was. I went to East Carolina University. I was party girl for sure. So I was sneaking out at 15, popping the screen out and meeting boys down in my driveway. But my parents were going through a divorce when I was 15, so that was. I really went off the rail. So. That's so funny.
- [16:03]
Tiffany Jenkins
That is funny. And it's so. As you might know, I don't know if your dad was like mine, but he was super. He saw the worst of the worst day in and day out. So he had a very negative outlook on life. And he was very strict, very structured, very routine, military. And it was weird because I was so used to living with my dad and my mom. My dad was like this crazy felon, spray painted the walls, like, super fun, no rules, no structure guy. So going from that to this, it was so jarring. And I think my main goal in life became like, to impress him and to please him. And so I started getting great grades. I became captain of the cheerleading squad. I was doing really good. I had this pressure to be like the golden child. And it all just came to a head my senior year. So about a decade of using drugs. So much happened in that time. Right around the time I started getting addicted to my drug of choice, which was opiates. My mom got really sick with cancer and passed away. And she was super young. She was 47 years old. And I had no way of coping with that at All I obviously really struggled after that and things after that. I decided I needed to go to rehab after my mom died, because I was like, this is what my mom would want. She would want me to go get help. So I went to rehab because I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't actually want it. I was super defiant the entire time. And the day that I graduated, I got out of rehab and celebrated by going to the store and getting my drink of choice, like, to celebrate. I wasn't serious about it. I thought at the time, as long as I stayed away from the pills, I'd be okay. And that's what I did for a while. I stayed away from the pills and just drank. And when I was out at a bar, I met a police officer, and he was interested in dating me. And my brain was, like, familiar. Yeah, probably. Yep. I remember the structure and the stability that my stepdad provided. I was like, this is what I need to never do drugs again. This will be great for me. But addiction doesn't care who you're dating. And so I ended up relapsing and committing a bunch of crimes, and then I was caught for those crimes. And it's a very twisty story, but ultimately I ended up in jail with around 20 felonies.
- [18:32]
Jamie
Your first book goes into that, though?
- [18:34]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yes, my. My first book talks about jail and the things that led up to jail.
- [18:39]
Jamie
And then this book is a really. To everything that happened after.
- [18:44]
Tiffany Jenkins
Right.
- [18:46]
Jamie
I love that it's a different point of view because everyone's always so curious of how people get to where they are when they end up in jail, and yet we just don't really see what happens after, which is crazy.
- [19:02]
Tiffany Jenkins
That's cool that, you know, I'm able to give that perspective. I hope people dig it. I really do. But, yeah, I wanted to write it in a way that you don't have to have read the first book in order to enjoy this one, but if you have read the first one, there are some callbacks to it and some nudges.
- [19:20]
Jamie
Oh, yeah. This book had me hooked on the very first page. It, you know, gave me anxiety.
- [19:28]
Tiffany Jenkins
I'm so sorry.
- [19:30]
Jamie
No, it was like. It captured me. And I want to get into that a little later. But when you finally got to prison or jail, what was. How long was your sentence or how long did you stay?
- [19:48]
Tiffany Jenkins
120 days.
- [19:50]
Jamie
120 days. So you're in jail. You're. You would think that's kind of like rock bottom. And is that how you finally Got clean or did you?
- [20:00]
Tiffany Jenkins
It was. Well, when I was in jail, I would see women get released and then rearrested. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, you have freedom. I would give anything to have freedom again. And I realized, like, I don't want to be one of those people who is treating jail like a revolving door. You know, come back and everybody screams and hugs and it's like, you're back. And I didn't want that. And I knew that I had to change something because, you know, putting me in jail keeps me locked away from the drugs. But my brain is still just as messed up as it was before I got in jail. And that's where the real problem, problem lies within my brain. So I knew I had to get it fixed. So I would write to the judge and beg to be put into a rehab as part of my sentence. And when it came time for my sentencing, one of the options was to go to a six month live in treatment center. And I chose that.
- [20:56]
Jamie
How was that?
- [20:58]
Tiffany Jenkins
It was what. It was wild. It was not like any other rehab that myself or probably anyone has ever been to it. It's so. I don't even, I don't really talk about this too much because I. It just, you know, doesn't come up. But the way the rehab was set up, it was run by this woman who also owned a store. And we would work at the store during the day and then go to classes. And it was very lax compared to other more, I don't know, sterilized type rehabs. It was in a house and there was 10 women sleeping in the room. I was the one who got put in charge of driving a van, driving all the girls around, which was summer camp. What's that?
- [21:53]
Jamie
You were almost at like summer camp.
- [21:55]
Tiffany Jenkins
That's what it felt like. It was very interesting. It was very, you know, and there were classes and I did learn a lot. And I think the structure of the rehab itself worked great. Great for me because being handed the keys to a van and being told, hey, go drive around where you used to get drugs but don't get any, like that level of trust, being able to come back to the rehab and lay my head on the pillow at night and know that I didn't mess up, even though I could have, that really fueled me to keep going. But yeah, it's not a normal rehab. It's not a regular rehab that you would expect to go to, but it was cool and weird and it worked for me.
- [22:34]
Jamie
So when you got out of rehab and you got out of jail and you met your now ex husband, which you talk about in the book. And, you know, what was meeting somebody that had kind of gone through the same things as you. Like, I'm kind of falling in love with somebody that. You guys had so many similarities.
- [23:01]
Tiffany Jenkins
We did.
- [23:02]
Jamie
I feel like it's hard. It would be hard to date somebody or when it's so close to your life, like, you know, somebody else that you're dating doesn't understand addiction at all.
- [23:16]
Tiffany Jenkins
Right. It definitely makes it easier to date somebody who gets it, like, because I, at the time, I was living in a halfway house, and I didn't have a vehicle or a job or any money. I had a garbage bag worth of stuff to my name. And so, you know, meeting a businessman and being like, look, I know this looks bad, but I am a catch. Like, I can't imagine that working. So meeting a guy who's living at a halfway house, who just graduated from rehab and being like, what's up? We mesh a little bit better, and he gets it. And they say you're not supposed to get into a relationship the first year that you're sober, and I understand completely why, but I did not listen to that at all. And I started dating almost as soon as I got in the halfway house. He was so cute.
- [24:10]
Jamie
They always are.
- [24:11]
Tiffany Jenkins
It was so stinking handsome.
- [24:14]
Jamie
What is it? It's like, you know, the devil doesn't come ugly. It comes, you know, dressed up with the perfect smile. Like, you know, they're always so. Kryptonite's always so very cute. So you guys met and you started dating. How. How long was it before you got married or started having kids and kind of. What did that look like? You know, kind of being thrown into all these things without a guidebook.
- [24:49]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yeah, it was a whirlwind. And I. I talk a little bit about what that it was like in the book, because it feels like I went from being single and living in a halfway house to a married mother of three in no time. It happened so quickly. And I had only been with him around two months when I was pregnant and we decided to get married three months later. So we had only known each other for five months when we were standing at the altar.
- [25:23]
Jamie
Is that not crazy?
- [25:24]
Tiffany Jenkins
It's so. It's so stupid. But it worked out really great. Like, he stuck around, and we got 10 good years of raising kids together. You know, it. It could have gone a lot worse. I had, you know, a feeling, though, that it was okay and everything was gonna Be okay. And it was all gonna work out. And. And it did for a while until it didn't.
- [25:47]
Jamie
Right. So you have a. How you had. Do you have two boys and a girl or is it two girls and a boy?
- [25:54]
Tiffany Jenkins
So I have a son. And. And I have a bonus daughter who is his daughter from a previous relationship.
- [26:03]
Jamie
Right.
- [26:04]
Tiffany Jenkins
Who I helped raise up.
- [26:06]
Jamie
Could you imagine either of your kids coming home and being like, I'm gonna get married after five months. What would you tell them?
- [26:17]
Tiffany Jenkins
I would. It's so easy to say what I would want to say in that moment, but I don't, you know, I'd probably just want to be supportive in that moment and be like, just so you know, I have done. And. But I don't know if that would work because they'd be like, yeah, but look at you got us and you and dad, and it worked out great. So I don't think it has to do, you know, as much with how long you've known the person. I know people who've gotten married after knowing each other for six days and they've been together for 30 years and they're just as happy now. You know, I. It's. You just never know. I can say I have no desire to ever be married ever again. I'll say that I've gotten it out of my system. I'm good now.
- [27:03]
Jamie
So you in the book, it kind of goes through life after jail and getting, you know, life being sober and having your kids and, you know, you and your now ex husband. It's. The book starts with you guys already kind of on, like your downfall, like, on what is to come. The divorce. How long have you been divorced now?
- [27:32]
Tiffany Jenkins
Since May of 2023. So coming up on two years.
- [27:37]
Jamie
Was this therapeutic to write for you? Like, to write it all? Or was it. Is it. Is it kind of hard to put this out into the world of what that time in your life looked like?
- [27:52]
Tiffany Jenkins
So that's a great question. And I have trouble with being way too honest. And I feel like this is not going to be the correct answer that I'm supposed to say. But the truth is, I was already writing this book. This book was already finished and submitted when everything happened in my marriage. And so I had to take the book back and rewrite it because I didn't want to release a book that was no longer genuine to what was going on with my life, that was no longer that story. The story was a happy ending between two addicts who, like, beat all the odds. And then in the course of writing it and publishing it. My life got flipped upside down. And so I was pissed that I had to do that. I had to write about this part of my life. I was a little bit pissed, if I'm being honest. It's like, dang, like, this is my story now, and it shouldn't be, and I don't want it to be. I never asked for it to be. But this is my story now, and I have to tell this story. And at the time I was writing it, it was still so fresh and so new that I don't know necessarily that it was therapeutic. And you could see in the book that while I'm writing it, I'm literally going through it and still trying to process it myself. So it's always therapeutic to put my truth out in hopes that it resonates with somebody else, because if it does, then it just makes it all worth it to me. But while I was writing it, I was incredibly frustrated at the way the story had taken a turn.
- [29:40]
Jamie
Right. And I think that, you know, so many people can relate to that. You know, you have this. I think everybody has this idea of what it's like to get married and to have kids and that that's going to be your happily ever after. And for so many people, you know, between time and babies and life, that changes along the way. And so many of us get so angry because we don't deserve it. You know, we all deserve a happily ever after, but nine times out of 10, that sometimes is not the case.
- [30:22]
Tiffany Jenkins
Right?
- [30:23]
Jamie
So even if, you know, aren't struggling with addiction, there's so many women that struggle and men that struggle with going through a divorce. I always feel like. I always tell my husband, I'm like, I went through a divorce. I'm not divorced, but I saw my parents go through it. It wasn't a brutal one. And it changes so many things about you to have to really adjust your mind to be like, well, this didn't work out. It's a failure. And I think you've done a really beautiful job of being like, it's not a failure. It's just what it was. And we got. We did have good years, and we got great kids out of it. Do you. What's your whole message? I guess when people read this book.
- [31:25]
Tiffany Jenkins
There'S so many things that I hope people get from the book, but mostly I hope people see, like, life is going to hand you what it hands you. You're going to get it whether you like it or not. And if you stick with the Right people and you do the right thing and you ask for help when you need it, you can get through anything. And that is, you don't have to be an addict to read the book or enjoy the book, I don't think. But, you know, from an addict's perspective, you don't have to get high. No matter what, no matter what happens. Life, death, birth, marriage, divorce, all of it. You don't have to get high over any of it. I want moms who are in situations that aren't right for them or that have been hurt or betrayed to realize that they can pick up and start over, as scary as it is, if. If that's what's best for them. And. And so for me, I can say, you know, two years post divorce, there was a lot of darkness and a lot of sadness and a lot of jealousy and a lot of weird feelings. But I am so happy now, and I'm so free. And I am. I found someone who. Which is so crazy. Cause starting over at 38, 39 is horrifying. When you think that that's how your life is gonna be and you're married and this is it, and then you find yourself having to be in a position where you're, like, flirting with people again.
- [33:03]
Jamie
Oh, God.
- [33:04]
Tiffany Jenkins
Oh, my gosh. I don't even.
- [33:06]
Jamie
Going on dates.
- [33:07]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yeah. So awkward. They're like, what are you into, honestly? Napping, freaking out over everything, even if it's not a big deal. I love snacking. Like, I don't know. I'm a mom. I wipe things. Like, it's so weird. But I. I found somebody who's super cool. And that's the point. The. The whole point is like, I get a choice today. What I allow in my life, the kinds of people that I allow, I never have to settle again. I never have to sit in something that isn't right for me or stay in a place where I don't belong. And. And maybe that's the message.
- [33:45]
Jamie
It's a great message. I think oftentimes we stick around because we feel like it's the right thing to do, even though it's really the opposite. The right thing to do is always going to be to put yourself and mental health first.
- [34:05]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yes.
- [34:07]
Jamie
How are you guys as co parents?
- [34:11]
Tiffany Jenkins
Really great. I'm very blessed to have the co parenting dynamic that we do because we both agree on most things. And so, you know, we haven't gotten into any blowouts or any arguments. If I say, hey, I think this is what's best, he's like, Okay, I trust your motherly judgment. If he, you know, thinks that the kids should play a certain sport, he's like, hey, I'm gonna sign the kids up for this sport. What do you think? I'm like, I hate it. But if you think that it's good for them, then we'll do it. And we just. We compromise. And we're great co parents. I'm really proud of the way that.
- [34:46]
Jamie
Co parent when, you know, k me being a child of divorce, and obviously you kind of went through that, too, where your parents weren't together. What. How much do your kids know? And, you know, what can you teach them through this?
- [35:05]
Tiffany Jenkins
They know. I mean, we spoke with them all along. So we said, hey, we're going to get an extra house, and dad's gonna live in that one, and I'm gonna live in this one, and we're gonna see how we like it, and you guys can visit each house. And, you know, just like when it was starting as a separation, we've kept them along for the ride. And it's been trial and error with what dates. We switch the kids back and forth. We've tried different things. I hope that the kids learn that, you know, their mom is happy. Now they're seeing a side of me that they would never have gotten to see because a part of me has been unlocked. And it's the part where I'm stronger than I realized, I'm more fun than I realized, I'm more free than I realized, and I think I'm a better person today. So there's my crotch. My cat. Sorry, my cat just pulled on the cord. I'm so glad I'm wearing pants today. That was a close one, dude, because I almost didn't. So I'm glad I put him on.
- [36:11]
Jamie
The best thing from working from home. You don't have to wear pants.
- [36:14]
Tiffany Jenkins
Right? Oh, my goodness. Rosita. But, yeah, obviously they would rather us be together. They can't comprehend yet that we aren't happy together, that we're happier apart. Like, they won't understand that, but I just hope that they look and see how happy I am and how happy their dad is and that this was the right thing.
- [36:39]
Jamie
And you're 40? 41.
- [36:41]
Tiffany Jenkins
30. 39. 39. Okay, we're gonna fight.
- [36:45]
Jamie
I'm not. I'm trying not to age you.
- [36:47]
Tiffany Jenkins
I'm just kidding.
- [36:48]
Jamie
So when do you turn 40?
- [36:50]
Tiffany Jenkins
September. Why are. Why are you asking such mean questions?
- [36:56]
Jamie
No, I just.
- [36:57]
Tiffany Jenkins
I'm just kidding. Are you.
- [36:59]
Jamie
Are you scared to turn 40? Are you excited? Because do you feel like at this time in your life you're more confident and more at ease than you ever have been? Like, what is it like kind of leaving your 30s and going into your 40s in a really good place where you're just like, you know yourself better, you're stronger than ever, you're a great mom. Like, what's that like?
- [37:26]
Tiffany Jenkins
I think I, I, I'm gonna go into my 40s, much more empowered than I was in my 30s and my 30. You know, I got, I had my son, my first child, on my 29th birthday. And so all of my 30s were parenting, stay at home, mom in the trenches, trying to get the kids to and from school. And, you know, and I think my 40s, the kids are going to be more independent in my 40s, so I'm going to be really have extra time to take care of myself and give myself attention and love. And honestly, I'm looking forward to getting old. I know it probably sounds stupid to be like, stoked about getting excited about getting old, but I don't know if I'd say necessarily excited, but I don't dread it because my mom passed away so young. In seven years, she will have passed away seven years from the age that I am now. And I just have so much more living to do, and I can't fathom my life being cut that short. So that's how I think about my 40s is. Every year is going to be a gift. Every year past 47 is going to be a gift, and I'm going to try to make the most out of it.
- [38:35]
Jamie
Yeah, I, I don't welcome age very well, so I'm trying to get better at the fact that welcoming age is actually a really beautiful blessing because there are some people that haven't been able to welcome that age and have died, you know, young. So, you know, it's when I speak with women and stuff, people are always, because I'll be turning 30 next year, and I am like, oh, my goodness, you're so young. I'm a baby, but I like being a baby. And, but it's so crazy because when I talk to women, they're always like, my 30s were so much better than my 20s. And then, you know, now it's like, my 40s were so much better than my 30s. I feel, you know, used to be that I viewed like, 40 as, like, old.
- [39:24]
Tiffany Jenkins
And it's Sam, it's not at all like 40.
- [39:27]
Jamie
So young. And 30 is young. And I do feel the older we get as women, the more confident we get in ourselves, the better we get with age.
- [39:40]
Tiffany Jenkins
And yeah, I also think that there's a lot of stuff we tell ourselves as we get older to make it more digestible, you know what I mean? Like the fact that we're getting older, like, I feel like a lot of it, we have to just tell ourselves like, these are the best years of our lives. Look at us. We are seasoned. So, yeah, we know exactly what we're doing now. We're professionals.
- [40:02]
Jamie
My back doesn't hurt, you know, Right. I'm not, I'm not crippling with getting out of the bed in the morning. I can.
- [40:12]
Tiffany Jenkins
Exactly. I'm thriving. These are the best years of my life ever.
- [40:16]
Jamie
Yeah.
- [40:17]
Tiffany Jenkins
Taking my blood pressure.
- [40:19]
Jamie
It's all a Jedi mind trick, really. Well, we, we tell ourselves exactly. But going back to like, you know, your social media presence and stuff. You also do tours. You are into comedy and I really admire that. You know, when I was little, my mom always like, you're gonna be a stand up comedian. I don't, I don't think people think I'm funny, so. But what is that like? I feel like it'd be a really fun part of your job that you get to go around to different cities and make people laugh. What's that like?
- [40:53]
Tiffany Jenkins
It is nerve wracking. It's really scary. I have anxiety. I have every kind of anxiety you can imagine. And I have a huge fear of people, crowds, being on stage, how I'm being perceived. I get obsessive about it. And so every time before I go on stage, I feel like I'm gonna be sick. And then once I get out there, I'm like, this is the greatest high I've ever had when I'm coming off the stage.
- [41:20]
Jamie
Do you almost feel like that's what you're chasing now is like a good laugh for people to laugh with you? It's like, that's a great addiction I feel like to have.
- [41:27]
Tiffany Jenkins
It's just to like, right.
- [41:28]
Jamie
Laugh and get people to laugh.
- [41:30]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yeah. And that's the goal. But also, you know, my mind, I overthink everything. And I've got real bad imposter syndrome. So I'm constantly telling myself, like, you're not funny. Any moment these people are gonna realize you're not actually a comedian, that you don't belong here. And, and this just negative voice in my head. But the feeling I get when I'm coming off of the stage after having made people laugh or hopefully said something that made a difference to Them it's without parallel. It's what I think about while walking out onto the stage is that feeling that I'm gonna have after. It's what gets me through.
- [42:06]
Jamie
Yeah, I get imposterous syndrome all the time. Especially with this podcast.
- [42:10]
Tiffany Jenkins
I was like, really?
- [42:12]
Jamie
Yes, all the time. I don't think I'm, you know, cool or funny enough or sometimes I'm like, who could care less to listen to me? So I think that is true with any age.
- [42:25]
Tiffany Jenkins
Right.
- [42:26]
Jamie
Is that we all feel like, what the are we doing? Is that. Is that one of your favorite things is to be on tour? And because did you get. Did you start doing kind of, like funny skits and stuff on Tick Tock and Instagram too? Like, after you kind of, like, ventured out of, like, postpartum and stuff, did you, like, find your niche on social media to, like, start doing funny stuff?
- [42:50]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yes, I've always been a goofball, the class clown, wackadoodle. And so when I was blogging, I would occasionally make videos also. And the videos just did so well. And then I realized that I was using humor to bring awareness to stuff people felt uncomfortable talking about. So I started making videos about mental illness and addiction, but, like, comedy skits about it, and they blew up. I mean, they exploded when I started doing them. So I have series. Like, I have a Me versus Anxiety series where my anxiety is dressed up like another character and just chasing me around all day effing things up. I have a series called if My Brain Had a Morning Meeting, which is basically all the parts of me sitting around a table like depression, anxiety, insomnia, just sitting around trying to. To scheme how they can f up my day and work together to make it happen. And those videos really resonated with people. And so being able to make people laugh and make them realize that they aren't alone, that is my ultimate high, in my opinion.
- [43:57]
Jamie
It's a good high. It's the best high that you can get, I feel like, is laughter and a little bit of dark humor. And also to not take yourself so seriously. We talked about this the other day on my podcast. I was like, you know, life doesn't always have to be so damn serious, you know, especially in the world of social media. Like, sometimes we take this shit way too serious.
- [44:19]
Tiffany Jenkins
Absolutely. And I. I'm trying so hard not to. Like, I. This week, I haven't posted this week. I haven't been on social media this week just because my daughter hurt her leg and I've been hanging out with her and like playing Candy Crush and stuff. And it's my job to be on social media. Like I have to keep being on social media, but I also can't fake it. So if I'm not feeling it or if I don't have anything to post, I'm not gonna post something just because I'm supposed to post something, you know what I mean? I just can't do it. I can't bring myself to do it. So if I don't feel like being on the Internet, I'll ghost. And then if I feel like coming back, I'm like, I'm back, motherfungo. You know what I mean? It just now I'm the same way.
- [45:00]
Jamie
I think that. I think it's really hard. It's such a catch 22 when you have to. You start doing social media or something that you love and then when it has to turn into the part of the job, it makes you love it a little less. And so. And the reason you probably blew up is because you are so authentic. And so having to get on there when you're not feeling like you can be a true authentic self, it's not going to hit the same. So I completely understand. I struggle with that myself. I think anybody that's any has to be on social media in any type of capacity for their work doesn't understand that it's so. It's all time consuming too. You can't just put it down sometimes.
- [45:45]
Tiffany Jenkins
Yeah, there's so much that goes into it. And I know people don't have a lot of empathy for people who have chosen this as a career because it's like, oh, how hard is your life? Opening products on camera and holding them up to the like, how hard? And I get it. I would think the same exact thing. I totally get it. There's so much that goes into it behind the scenes that if I, if I don't have it in me to do it, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna do it. And that's not necessarily a good attitude to have. That's kind of the problem is I don't have a boss. Yeah, I'm my boss and I'm like the most chill boss ever. I'm like, you know what? Take the day off. You're good. Take it off. Take the day off. And I'm like, it's been a week, boss. Are you sure? And take another day off. Just stay in bed. And then it's like, okay, I need to call my therapist because this is crossing over into something else.
- [46:35]
Jamie
I think I'm the same way. I will. I. My whole ticket yesterday was like, I'm the queen of do not disturb, don't. Like I don't have my phone to take calls.
- [46:47]
Tiffany Jenkins
Right. That's not what it's for.
- [46:50]
Jamie
No. No. So, well, thank you so much for being here today. I really enjoyed this. Tell us where we can find your book when it comes out and where we can find you and keep up with you and all that good stuff.
- [47:08]
Tiffany Jenkins
Well, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. It was so great chatting with you. My book is available for pre order right now. I have it linked on my link tree, which is on my Instagram and my Facebook and stuff. So you can just put in juggling the Jenkins or you can go to Amazon and type in the name of the book, which is a clean mess. Yeah.
- [47:33]
Jamie
Yeah, that's exciting. I think it's so cool. I think it's really badass that you've written not only one book, but now two. And yeah, it's wild. And hopefully you'll keep writing and maybe the next book is. Will be about your happy ending, you know.
- [47:54]
Tiffany Jenkins
Maybe.
- [47:55]
Jamie
Maybe. Well, thank you so much and yeah, thank you.
- [48:01]
Tiffany Jenkins
I appreciate you and I look forward to seeing whenever you put the.