Podcast Summary: The Authentic Society Episode: EP1: The Motherhood Mindset
Release Date: November 4, 2024

Introduction

In the inaugural episode of The Authentic Society, hosts A and B dive deep into the multifaceted topic of motherhood, exploring family dynamics, fertility planning, societal pressures, and the personal transformations that come with raising children. This episode serves as a candid conversation for anyone navigating or contemplating the journey of parenthood.

Family Planning and the Biological Clock

The discussion begins with an exploration of fertility planning and the societal notion of the "biological clock." Host B shares a personal anecdote about expecting their fourth child:

B [00:10]: "Yes, we're excited because on today we're going to be talking about children, family, fertility planning, and navigating that biological clock."

B reveals the genders of their children, highlighting a common experience of "gender disappointment" when the desired gender doesn't align with reality:

A [00:36]: "Yay. Were you disappointed it wasn't a boy?"
B [00:40]: "No, I actually, like, Caleb and I are nerdy and we were kind of thinking it was probably going to be a girl because, like, most often, statistically, when you have two of one, you're going to have the third of another."

Reflecting on societal expectations, the hosts discuss the pressures women face regarding when to have children:

A [08:54]: "I feel like I'm running out of time, essentially. I know I am. I hate that feeling as women that we are on a biological clock."

Managing Multiple Children and Age Gaps

A significant portion of the episode delves into the dynamics of managing multiple children with varying age gaps. B shares insights from their experience with four children, emphasizing the benefits of having siblings close in age:

B [03:01]: "So Axel and Evie were two and a half years apart. Joey and Evie. Joey and this baby are literally going to be two years apart. Like two years in a month."

The conversation highlights how close age gaps can foster strong sibling bonds and make family activities, like trips to Disney World, more enjoyable:

A [03:11]: "You go to Disney World, they all have a buddy."
B [03:13]: "Yeah. And Axel and Evie are like the best of buds."

Societal Pressures and Opinions on Family Size

Hosts A and B discuss the societal expectations surrounding the ideal number of children. B addresses the criticism they faced for having four children:

B [05:40]: "It's like, people said, like, stuff. And even, like, a third baby is crazy because you go from two kids to a third kid, and it's like, oh, my gosh, your hands are so full."

A counters by pointing out that many influencers and bloggers normalize larger families, though B provides a more nuanced view:

A [06:12]: "I think that's very in the norm."
B [06:20]: "I think two is. And I think three is kind of like, wow, you're in a lot. Bloggers and influencers are not the norm."

The hosts reflect on how economic factors and societal narratives influence decisions about having children:

B [14:29]: "We are so isolated in our modern day life that we don't have the help that we once God."
A [22:57]: "Or is it selfish to have a child knowing that they're not going to grow up in a stable, healthy, wealthy environment?"

Building Supportive Communities

A pivotal theme is the importance of building and maintaining a supportive community for parenting. B emphasizes the role of engaged friendships and communal support:

B [15:02]: "Like we used to have other moms. Like once upon a time it was like moms all just like you raised the whole neighborhood, had kids and the whole neighborhood."

A shares personal strategies for cultivating a supportive network, especially when lacking extended family:

A [16:26]: "And I think a lot of people don't have that. I know, for me, since we live on, you know, what I call the compound, my sister and brother-in-law, they have two kids and they live across the street."

Parenting Roles and Responsibilities

The episode delves into the division of parenting duties, highlighting modern shifts towards more balanced parental roles. B praises their partner's active involvement:

B [28:24]: "Caleb's a very different dad than like."
A [28:29]: "She's working. You work."

A underscores the significance of selecting a partner who is equally committed to parenting:

A [26:23]: "I think that's 100%. I think when they marry, that was one of the questions I asked for myself. Is he going to be a good father?"

The hosts note generational changes in parenting, with millennial dads being more engaged compared to previous generations:

B [27:25]: "I feel like in just like my... What I see anecdotally, I see a lot millennial dads, way more involved than like our parents were."
A [27:25]: "Yeah."

Emotional and Personal Transformations Through Motherhood

A and B explore the profound personal changes that come with becoming parents. B recounts their evolution from a turbulent upbringing to a more composed adult:

B [08:05]: "You get kids who have, like, emotional dysregulation and stuff like that, but a lot of times, like, how you react is how they react."

A shares fears about losing personal freedom and the anxiety associated with parenting:

A [25:41]: "I'm scared to death. I'm scared to death. It terrifies me."
B [36:00]: "That's like, that's why motherhood changes you so much."

The hosts discuss overcoming fears through experience and building confidence with each additional child:

B [35:32]: "No, you can't win this. So funny enough, Hunter and I were talking about this yesterday."
A [38:19]: "So that might change. Like when I said one and done, that completely could change."

Financial and Social Considerations

Economic stability emerges as a critical factor influencing decisions about having children. The hosts debate the implications of raising children amidst financial uncertainties:

A [24:01]: "I just do think the younger generation below us is starting to see, like, I struggle with bills. The economy's not great right now."

B references a Wall Street Journal article discussing low birth rates and potential societal collapse, contrasting it with personal beliefs about parenting motivations:

B [22:17]: "...they're literally paying people this Wall Street Journal. I'm gonna have to pull it up."

They ponder whether societal encouragement to have more children is driven by economic needs:

B [24:23]: "But I do think that that is something that a lot of countries are thinking. So they're thinking about it from an economic standpoint."

Balancing Personal Life and Parenting

The conversation turns to balancing personal aspirations with the demands of parenthood. A expresses contentment with her current life and apprehension about the significant changes children bring:

A [06:27]: "Yes. Like, to me, I'll never have four children."
A [36:00]: "I feel like that's, like, overwhelming."

B counters by describing the inevitable shift in priorities and the deep, unconditional love that comes with parenting:

B [36:19]: "But, like, now it's like, not even something that I think about. So you become less selfish."
A [36:51]: "Oh, my God, I'm gonna be such an anxiety ball."

They emphasize the importance of mutual support between partners to maintain a healthy relationship while raising children:

A [29:25]: "I was a Latchkey kid."
B [28:52]: "Caleb's a very different dad than like."

Concluding Insights

In wrapping up, hosts A and B reflect on the complexities of deciding to become parents amidst societal, financial, and personal challenges. They advocate for informed decision-making, emphasizing the importance of a supportive partner and community.

B [34:23]: "So I think you can't win either way. You can't also think that there is a lot of once upon a time there it took."
A [38:26]: "Maybe, you know, a year from now, if we're still doing this podcast, I'll be pregnant and I'll be able to see it from a completely different perspective."

The episode concludes on a hopeful note, acknowledging that while the journey to motherhood is fraught with uncertainties, the rewards of raising children and building a family are profound.

Notable Quotes

• B [00:40]: "No, I actually, like, Caleb and I are nerdy and we were kind of thinking it was probably going to be a girl..."

• A [08:54]: "I feel like I'm running out of time, essentially. I know I am. I hate that feeling as women that we are on a biological clock."

• B [14:29]: "We are so isolated in our modern day life that we don't have the help that we once God."

• A [25:41]: "I'm scared to death. I'm scared to death. It terrifies me."

• B [36:19]: "But, like, now it's like, not even something that I think about. So you become less selfish."

Final Thoughts

The Motherhood Mindset sets a relatable and honest tone for The Authentic Society podcast. By addressing the real-life challenges and societal pressures of motherhood, hosts A and B create a space for authentic conversations that resonate with listeners considering or navigating the path of parenthood.