Jamie (0:00)

Hey guys, welcome back to the Authentic Society. I'm Jamie. Long time no chat. A couple updates. I don't like to make my intros too long because then people get bored and they leave. But a couple updates. I am now going to be posting on Wednesdays. I feel like Monday was too much for me because I usually try to record on Sundays and that turnaround time was hard to edit it and get it all up. So. So with just being transparent, I think recording on Sundays and giving it a little second to get everything right and how I like it to be uploaded on Wednesdays won't be such a rush. So yeah, our new days are Wednesdays and on Wednesdays we wear pink and we have girl chats. And honestly, a lot of people have been asking me what I want for the rebrand of the Authentic Society or how I envision it going. And really, if I could pinpoint anything, it would be like a girl chat. I want you guys to be listening to this whether you're drinking your coffee or wine and feeling like we're just talking together. That's all I want is just an authentic girl chat. Really, truly, it's as simple as that is what I want. I do want to have some guests on and I've been working on that. I hear you guys. I see you guys. I would love to let like what you guys want from me is I want to listen and take that as much in as I can. So if you have a specific guest that you would like to see on here, let me know. Not going to talk a lot about last week because I did. It was not received very well and that's okay. I don't regret putting out that episode. I don't regret having a girl chat with you guys. And speaking my truth, if I start filtering everything I'm saying or second guessing everything I say, I say, then it's really, truly not the Authentic Society. And I don't want to do that. And I didn't want to overthink that episode. It's how I felt in the moment. It's still how I feel. And I might have not worded it the correct way or it might have offended some people and some people unfollowed me. And that's completely fine. I am going to just try to stay as true to myself and not worry about the numbers and just worry about what I'm putting out there and the content I'm putting out there. And that's the best I can do for the people that are still around. Thank you. I know I say thank you a lot. Or maybe I don't say it enough, but thank you for being here. And on that note, on today's episode, I want to talk about confidence. And a disclaimer to anybody that's watching. I. I know that sniffle probably was loud, but I am not trying to give anybody life advice. When I do these episodes on friendship, breakups or confidence or, you know, if I talk about marriage or whatever, I'm really just. Like I said, I want it to be a girl chat. And I'm just kind of thinking out loud. That's all it is. So let's talk about confidence. And I know that there are going to be so many people watching that struggle. I think we all struggle with confidence, and I know I do. But I know I am at the most confident place in my life than I ever been. I'm 28 years old, and I'll be 29 this year. And I do feel as the year just grow longer or I get older, I get more confident in myself. And I think that's such a beautiful thing with age. You know, I. I talk to so many women that are in their 40s or 50s or 60s, and I think that's the most beautiful thing that comes with age, is your confidence grows along with you, and you start to be more comfortable with who you are, you know who you are. You stand firm in that. And I truly think that's what confidence is, is being proud of the person you are, knowing you're going to make mistakes, knowing you're never going to always say the right thing and being okay with that. And, you know, it kind of goes into, like last week's episode, is that you can overthink a lot of things when it comes to confidence. But it was so funny. I don't know if anybody has ever listened to Jake Shane. He is like the funniest, cutest little man. But he said something to me that really has resonated with me in the last few months, is that he saw somewhere that somebody said confidence is fake. And I truly thought about that for a really long time because I do believe that making it till, like faking it till you make it will with confidence is so important. And confidence is such a psychological thing that we have to kind of teach ourselves, right, that until you actually feel it, you know, I feel as if you fake confidence enough and you hold your chin up high enough, even if you don't really feel that way, eventually you do start to feel that way, eventually you do start to feel confident in Yourself, because fake it till you make it, baby. And I truly think that's my whole message to anybody listening is that if you are struggling with confidence, fake it. We're all faking it out here. We all don't know what we're doing. We all say wrong things. We don't know if what path we're choosing is right. We don't know if the outfit we like is gonna look bad on us in a photo. We just don't know. So you have to fake it till you make it. And I truly believe that with anything, you have to fake it till you make it. And that comes along with so many things. I have some notes written down about confidence and it's like, sure, why am I talking about confidence, right? This is like I'm trying to convince myself that I'm confident. But like I said, I have never felt more confident in myself than I do now. And I truly believe that our success is determined by our own confidence. For example, this podcast or social media or even my career or my marriage or any relationship that I put effort into my life, why would it work out if I didn't believe that it was going to work out? If I don't even believe that something's going to work out for me, then why would I expect other people to believe it's going to work out for me? You are the navigator in your own success and your confidence comes with that. Being confident that you are going to finish a goal or pursue a dream is the first step in that dream or that goal coming true. And I feel as women, we are self doubters. We don't want to be embarrassed, we don't want to look dumb. And at the end of the day, it really holds ourselves back from pursuing that dream or goal because we don't have the confidence in ourselves that we are going to see it through. And that comes to confidence is fake. Yes, I have doubts, everybody has doubts. But really kind of taking those doubts out of your mind and almost just manifesting and putting it out there so much that you're not even giving yourself the option to fail is so important. And I have to tell myself time and time again every day because it can be so discouraging and unmotivating when you're trying to pursue something, a goal or a dream, and it's just not going the exact way you want it to. And nine times out of 10, it's never going to go the exact way you want it to. But continuing to tell myself out loud, you're going to make it you're going to hit a goal, you're going to hit a dream. And looking back, that all the dreams are goals that I have hit or I've doubted really helps. And I don't feel. I feel like if we don't have confidence in ourselves, then our success is really going to mirror that. And it's hard because we have so many outside voices telling us that it's not going to work or we're afraid people are judging us, or we just see other people doing it and we're not where they are. And I feel as if confidence really has to be a mind game. You have to tell yourself and will it into the universe that you are going to make it until you do. And every time you have a little goal or a little dream succeed, you can feel that confidence go up, right? Or every time you wear an outfit that you're not sure about and you get a compliment or you do your hair differently and somebody says, wow, your hair looks great, or. Or you master something at work and somebody says, good job, or even if they don't say good job, say good job to yourself. Because every time you step outside of your comfort zone or you push yourself, your confidence is going to go up. We do not grow inside our comfort zone. The only time we grow is outside of it. And I really am trying to push myself all the time to move outside my comfort zone. Because your confidence goes up, right? It's like even getting a tattoo, as silly as it sounds. And if you don't have tattoos, you might not understand this analogy, but, you know, it's like you grow up. I don't know how you guys have grown up, but when I grew up, my parents didn't have tattoos. I grew up in the South. It was kind of like, she has a tattoo or he has a tattoo. Why would you want to ruin your pretty skin? It's so funny. My godmother, even. It's like, what's the point? Why are you going to. You're going to regret that when you're older. But it is such a confidence boost, especially like your first time ever getting a tattoo. And trust me, I don't really love my first tattoo, but in that moment, to do something that's a little nerve wracking or a little scary or just because you want to is so gratifying. Once you do that and you get it, your confidence goes up. Oh, I can do something that was uncomfortable or people told me I shouldn't do, and life's still gonna go on. And I have so many tattoos that I do love. And every time there's such a confidence boost because I did it for myself, I did it because I wanted to and I didn't listen to everybody else. And I think that's how everything in life can go is if you're doing it for yourself, you're doing because you genuinely want to. And even if it's not in the societal norm or people are telling you no, as long as it's not hurting anybody, doing little things like that really make your confidence go up. Now, I'm not telling you to go get a tattoo. I'm just using it as like an analogy that sometimes doing little things like wearing the top that you wouldn't normally wear, or, you know, getting a tattoo or doing your hair different or, you know, you never wear lipstick, wear a bright colored lipstick and you do it and you realize the world didn't end or no one really judged you or no one really cared for that matter is such a confidence boost. And I encourage, if you're listening to this episode, to do something soon that's something just small that you're kind of scared to do. It's not going to hurt anybody. It's not going to hurt you and push yourself out that side, that comfort zone. Because I know that's when your confidence goes up. You just feel like on a high and you're like, oh, I can do hard things, I can do uncomfortable things. And the little things matter when boosting your confidence. You can't achieve the big, big goals that are so uncomfortable and so hard if you don't start with little things that are going to move you, your comfort zone, Right? And so you know how they say that sometimes little things are the big things? I truly believe that when it's your confidence and you know that's also coming with that, people are more worried about themselves than worried about you. I have to remind myself of this all the time. Like, going, I get it, it's shocking. But, I mean, I get bad social anxiety in a crowd of people. I'm actually more comfortable with people around people I don't know than I am in my hometown. I get really bad social anxiety when I get around people like I once knew or people that are familiar but I'm not really close with, or people that think they know me on my social media or because of my Facebook or whatever. I get really uncomfortable when people have seen even this podcast and I know that they've seen it, but they don't mention it. I get the worst social Anxiety. And I have to remind myself, 10 times out of 10, people don't care. People are way more worried about themselves than they are about you. And yes, they might judge you, but that, that can last like 10 seconds. They're not sitting there with their minds consumed about you. And if people are worried about you and they only talk about you, it is because when they talk about themselves, nobody is listening. If people are constantly worried and talking about you, it is because when they talk about themselves, no one cares or no one is listening. And. And I really have to tell myself that, that nine times out of ten, no one cares what I'm wearing. Nine times out of ten, no one's looking at me that hard. Nine times out of ten people are going to judge me. But it lasts for a second and I don't know about it, so who cares? And if they are constantly talking about me or constantly judging, judging me, then it's because that has so much more to do with, with them than it does with me. And it's good to have little reminders in your head, like you have to be your own cheerleader in your head. And like telling yourself when you go to a social setting, no one's looking at me. No one cares about what I'm doing. If they're looking at me, it's because we all look at each other when we go into a crowd. I. People watch other people, people watch, they might think of you for a second and then they move on. Being your own little cheerleader inside your head when you get into anxiety situations is such a confidence boost. I used to just get so anxiety, like ridden when I would go into social anxiety, like social situations. And I still struggle, like I really struggle with eye contact for some reason. It is like the biggest mind fuck for me is like eye contact when I first meet people. I do not know why. I'm sure there's so many reasons, but I can talk and talk and talk, but I have a really hard time looking people in the eye when I don't know them. Or like when I first meet them and go into a social setting and there's a big crowd and I've had to like mind trick myself that looking people in the eye shows that I'm confident. When I don't look people in the eye, it shows that I'm not very confident in myself. Because they say that direct eye contact shows confidence. And so reminding myself when I get into that situation that I'm going to make myself uncomfortable, I'm going to look somebody directly in the eye. And I'm going to be okay, because that is me pushing myself out of my comfort zone, building my confidence and doing something that I've never done and making myself in a new habit. And I do have to remind myself I'll catch myself not looking somebody in the eye and be like, jamie, look them in the eye. Look them in the eye. Look them in the eye. Because I know it's going to help me in the long run, and it's going to boost my confidence. And I'm faking it till I make it, because when I look somebody in the eye, they're going to think I'm confident, I'm struggling to do it, but then I'm going to build that confidence anyway. And so I don't think it's bad to have reminders and to be kind of socially aware of the things that you do in public or behind closed doors and to change those habits to make yourself more confident. And it can be any little thing like looking somebody in the eye, you know, I also love fashion and truly have used to struggle that, you know, I would, like, go out, come out in an outfit that I really loved. And because of where I'm from and because of my hometown, people dress differently than me. And, you know, not bad. But I live in a small Southern town where you kind of see different fashion and style than you would see like in New York City or Los Angeles or even Nashville, Tennessee. And I like to express myself through my fashion. I like to wear different things. I am really on trends when it comes to not what's at the local boutique. Even though I do like that stuff, I think I can wear both. But sometimes I like to express myself in a different way and wear something that might not be what's the social norm in my town. And I have to tell myself that I can dress however I want. If I like it, I should wear it. And just because people in my town don't wear what I wear and they might look at me a little funny, they what they wear. And they could go to New York City or they could go to LA and people would look at them funny, that's okay. And that's not to say anybody is dressing right or wrong. That is to say it's something within myself that I struggle with, because I don't think my style goes with the norm of where I live. And that's okay. Your style doesn't have to go with the norm of where you live. If people are saying skinny jeans are out now, they're back in you like skinny jeans. Wear skinny jeans. I've never had a problem with skinny jeans. I don't like skinny jeans because I don't like the way they look on me. I love the way they look in other people. I have tons of friends that rock skinny jeans. And all the time I'm like, you look so cute in your skinny jeans. Wear. Wear the fucking skinny jeans. Who cares if they're in style or not? Who cares if people are saying they're in or out? Wear your skinny jeans. If that's the pair of jeans that boosts your confidence, wear them. Nothing is going to suffer your confidence wearing something because it's a trend and you don't like it on your body, you know, and that's another thing. I think dressing for your body and dressing with what's comfortable is such a confidence boost. You know, I think when you go out and to public and you love the outfit you have on, you think you look great in it. You look in the mirror and you're like, gosh, I love this outfit. I feel good. I don't feel big. I feel slim. I feel good about myself. That is the comp. That's the outfit you should wear. You know, if you buy a dress online and it's the cutest dress in the world and it's what everyone's wearing, and you were so excited for this dress, and then you put it on and you don't like the way it looks on, you, send it back. Because your confidence shines when you are in clothes that make you feel comfortable yourself, not what other people think you should wear, not what your hometown wears or if it is what they wear, wear it because you like it and you feel good in it. I think that's the most important thing about boosting your confidence is dressing for. For your body. And I have a lot of different. My body shapes different than some of my friends. And I'll see them in the cutest outfit and I'll be like, I could never wear that because I wouldn't feel good in it. But they look great in it and they feel good on it and they should wear it. That doesn't mean I should wear it or I should feel bad that I can't fit in it or I can't wear it. Just means why am I going to torture myself to fit or look good in something that I just don't feel good in? And that has shifted my whole perspective on my clothing and my confidence, because I don't think dressing should be something that makes you Feel frustrated or. Or down about yourself. I think when you find the things that look good on you, buy 10 of them, you find a top that you like, buy 10 of them, you find jeans that you like, buy 10 of them, that's okay. It's going to. That is such a confidence boost, is when you find something that you just like and you feel good in. I also think that going along with, like, the clothing thing, people have told me in the past, like, what you're wearing is too much. You know, I'll step out and be like, huh? You know, we're just going to the local Mexican restaurant. This is just an example. And I'm wearing a too much outfit. If you are too much too much for somebody, then that person's not the right person to be in your life. Because I think if you're too much for people, they aren't your people. I think when people get embarrassed or secondhand embarrassment off of somebody else, that's just doing what makes them feel good or makes them feel confident, then that's a them problem, and they aren't your people. Because why would you ever want to be around people when you're not embarrassed of yourself and you're confident in your decisions, but they get embarrassed and they're not confident in you. I am so thankful that I have a husband that knows I'm loud and opinionated and knows he. I put myself out there online, and he's not loud and opinionated. He's very quiet and chill, and he doesn't get online, and he doesn't get embarrassed about the things I do. I do. He shakes his head and he keeps on moving. And I think it's really important when you're thinking about confidence to find people that love you exactly the way you are. And if somebody is embarrassed by the things you do, even though you're not, then that might not be the right person for you. Nothing is going to hinder confidence than having the wrong people in your life and for people being embarrassed of you. Because if somebody you love is embarrassed of you, how do you think you're gonna feel about yourself? You know? So just know, ladies, that if you are too much for somebody, then they are not your people. Because you are gonna be the right amount for every single person that truly loves you in your life, and they're gonna be proud of who you are, even if they're not like that. Same with, like, my friends that are really quiet and don't like confrontation. That's okay. That is okay with me. I am like A damn pitbull. And a lot of my friends are like, labs. I don't know if that's a good analogy, but. And, and it's okay. I don't get upset for them not being confrontational or stepping up to the plate or whatever, or if they dress and what they're comfortable in. I, I don't care. So why would somebody care what I do? You know? And I, I think that's really important for your confidence. I also think that goes along with. You are never going to say the right thing to the wrong people. Confidence comes when you are very okay with your feelings, how you present things and sticking by them. Nothing, nothing is going to hinder your confidence more, is if you say something and you say it with your full chest and then you take it back. Be very sure with what you're saying and what you're putting out there or how you're presenting yourself. If you're just going to take it back. And that doesn't mean you can't make mistakes. And that can't. That doesn't mean you can't apologize for how you said something. What it means is, is that some people are just always going to disagree with you. You cannot. I can. I cannot repeat this enough. You are never going to say the right thing to the wrong person. If people are really in your corner and you're confident in who you are, yes, you will mess up. Yes, you might not say things perfectly, and yes, you might get a little too aggressive or too loud. But when you're confident in your actions and stand by with what you present out to the world, then. And somebody still does not agree with it, or somebody still does it or has something negative to say, they're not your audience or you're. They're not the right people. And I think realizing that also will boost your confidence. Not everyone's going to agree with you. Why? When did we start as a society thinking that everyone was just going to agree with us or thinking that it was wrong, what you said was wrong. Just because not every single person on the Internet agreed with you or not every single person in your life agreed with you. That's never going to happen. I see so many women sit there and say they don't want to say anything because they don't want to be in drama or they don't want to say the wrong thing, or they don't want to get involved or. I just want everyone to like me. Not everyone's going to like you even if you say nothing. If your confidence in Yourself, even if you're not confident in yourself, not every single person is going to like you. I don't know why we got that narrative in our head. I don't know, especially as females, why we think that being the most like girl is the best position to be in. That's not the case because even if you think you're the Most like girl, 9 times out of 10 somebody still doesn't like your ass. And that's okay. I really think self confidence builds and builds when you realize that some people just aren't going to like you and that is okay. I'm an acquired taste. I don't like myself sometimes. I don't expect people to love me all the time or to agree with me all the time. But I'm confident in my choices. I'm confident in the same things I say. Don't get me wrong, I say things wrong. Sometimes I say things too hot headed or I don't make myself clear and concise. I know that. But my, but my morals, what I believe I stand ten fingers, ten toes behind. And if that makes me unlikable to a person or if a person doesn't exactly agree with all the exact opinions I have, that's okay. Why in a society this is going to be such a tangent but why does society have we created women to think that somebody not liking us is the worst thing in the world? Okay, okay. I just, I think it's crazy that we have really mind ourselves in this world that we think that if somebody disagrees or doesn't like us, it's the worst thing in the world. Or you know, especially on social media it's like who cares? I just, I have to tell myself that and I really, once you get that through your head, I think if anybody's listening that struggles with some, somebody might not liking you just tell yourself, okay, not no one likes everybody. Look at, you know, do you like everybody you meet? Do you like everybody you see across tick tock. No. Why would you think you're the one special person that everyone likes? You're not. I just think when, if I have kids one day and I have a daughter or even a son, but mainly a daughter because I don' not to, you know, put gender roles on things but I don't think men struggle with this as much because my husband just is so like could care less about anything, has never had a drop of ounce of anxiety in his life. And so much of our anxieties as women I think come from people judging us or looking at us Wrong or being afraid we're not liked or we don't look good or all these pressures that, you know, society and we put on ourselves. And I really want to teach my daughter at a young age that it's okay, not everyone likes you. You go to school, you make a friend, you have a couple good friends. Oh, so. And she comes home. Sally was mean to me today. She said she didn't like me. Okay, who cares? Do you like you? Do you like yourself? Do your friends like you? That's all that matters. I think we oftentimes out of 10 always want to like have a solution to a problem if somebody disagrees or likes with us. And that just shouldn't be the case. If you're proud of yourself, if you're okay with your morals and your, your moral compass and what you put out to the world, somebody does not like that, that's a personal preference, that's their opinion. They're entitled to have it. And let's keep on pushing. If you like you, that's what matters. And if you have friends, a close knit group of friends, your husband, your family, they like you, they're proud of you, they're confident in you, then you should be confident in yourself. I think we just put too much on women to always be liked or always be the most helpful. And that really is where our confidence deteriorates because it's just not. We have too high of standards and high expectations of ourselves and women in this society that we're just always supposed to say the right thing, be perfect, be on, you know, look good all the time, be a certain size, wear a certain thing. And if you like what you wear, you like what you put out into this world, you like who you are and you have a close knit group of people that like the same, your confidence will skyrocket, rocket. And sometimes you're going to fail. Sometimes you're going to put yourself out of that comfort zone and you are going to fail and it is going to suck and you are going to feel embarrassed or, and you're going to not want to get back up again. And that's when you should get back up the most. That's when you should come out harder the next time. That's when you should put more of yourself outside your comfort zone. That's when you should have little cheerleaders in your head saying everybody fails. You're not the first person to fail. You're not first person looking dumb. You're not the first person to not accomplish a goal that you said you were going to. And I think that's where confidence comes from, is our little voice inside of our head, even if we're telling ourselves and it's our first knee jerk reaction to say, you can't do it. You look dumb, you look ugly. Fake it till you make it. Confidence is faking it till you make it. Look inside in the mirror and say, you look good as shit tonight, Jamie. You look good. Did you lose that weight you wanted? No, but you look fucking good. And that's okay. So that's my best take on Confidence is faking it till you make it. Confidence is fake. We all struggle with it. Not everyone's going to like us. And that is okay. I feel like I like preach that same message in all of mine. Maybe that's like my underlying tone is like, who? Not everyone's going to like you. Right? And this is coming from somebody that at a very young age, I knew people didn't like me. I was the kid in school in like my little small Southern town that I knew the moms of my friends did not like me. I knew grown women didn't like me at a very early age for whatever reason you ever, like, were in school and you just had that mom or two that they, they, they knew they didn't like you whether you talk too loud or you were annoying them or whatever, like you knew they didn't like you. And I just knew Jamie knew who she was at a very young age that she was not going to be liked by everybody because I had grown adults that didn't like a child or a teenager or whatever. And then I found friends that had moms that played a really big part in my life that are still in my life. So that's okay. I do think we try to teach our daughters to be liked by everyone and to sit there, smile, be quiet, be the easygoing one not to disrupt everything. And instead we should be teaching our daughters that as long as you like you and you're proud of you and you have a good heart and you know at the end of the day that you're making the right choices, then it doesn't give a shit if Sally sue and her mom from that little Southern town don't like you. All right, guys, thank you for listening to another episode of the Authentic Society. I encourage everybody this upcoming week to do something that's little outside your comfort zone. You know, it can be easy as like going to your local gym you haven't been to in a while, walking on the treadmill for 10 minutes. That can be really nerve wracking. I hate doing that. Maybe that should be my goal. You know, whatever it may be, I encourage yourself every week, every day, to just do something that's a little outside your comfort, because that's where true growth lies, and I think that's where true confidence comes from. And yeah, thank you so much, and I will see you guys next week. Bye.