Jamie (0:00)

Hey guys, welcome back to the authentic society. I'm Jamie and yeah, we skipped last week. I needed a little break, a little reset, and I'm just going to jump right into it, catch you up on some things and then we're going to have a girl chat. So get your drink, your beverage of choice, whether it's your water in your Stanley, a hot cup of coffee or a diet Coke, fresh from McDonald's. And let's chat about what's been going on. Definitely missed you guys last week. Needed a much needed break from the podcast. I am in my busy season at my real job. I hate calling it my real job because that just sounds, I don't know, I. I don't know. But the job that pays my bills, which is very important to everything, right? For those, I'm trying to get all the my spit out of my mouth. But for those, for those of you who don't know, I'm a marketing manager, events coordinator for several breweries in the Raleigh, North Carolina area. And this is our busiest season. Spring and fall is our busiest seasons for events. Some of the events that I host are private events for whether it's wedding showers, rehearsal dinners. We have vendor events where you can come out and shop. We did a cornhole tournament the other weekend. We do sushi events, wine events. We do just really a wide range of things. Obviously it's springtime, people want to come out and enjoy the warm weather, grab a beverage. So this is our busiest time of year. It's pretty dead during the winter. People do dry January and now, you know, March and April is where everything goes berserk. All of our breweries have outdoor areas. We also have food trucks every night that I schedule. So I'm just busy, busy, busy. I haven't had a weekend off in like three weeks. I did have this Sunday off, which was nice to reset and do absolutely nothing. So yeah, I've just been busy. And then trying to do a podcast on top of that is almost feels very overwhelming and very draining. And just to be very honest with you guys, because I don't know when I haven't been. As much as I love podcasting, it's. It can be exhausting. You know, even though this isn't my real job, it is like having a part time job on top of my full time job. And as much as I love it, I don't always feel my best when I can't give something creatively and I'm just trying to do it for the hell of doing it. I. That's not where my best work comes in. I'm the type of person that I have to be in it and want to do it and feel creatively fulfilled for it to go off without a hitch. And sometimes coming on here and figuring out something to talk about gives me anxiety because I know I'm not in it. So I want to give myself a little bit more grace. Obviously, I want to post an episode every week because, you know, every textbook marketing book says consistency is key when you're trying to grow something. And as much as I want to grow this podcast and to keep all the people that are listening, I just don't know if having an episode every week, even if it's a boring one, is worth it and doing them maybe every other week or whatever. I don't know what that looks like, really don't. But I'm feeling good today and I'm feeling like I want to chat and all that to say I really want to chat about being burnt the out. Okay. I also feeling like I'm in a silly, goofy mood. So if my sarcastic side comes out in this podcast, I always try to reel it in a little bit more because it's called the Authentic Society. And you know, when we first started this podcast, we talked more about serious topics and stuff. But honestly guys, that can be exhausting. Who wants to talk about serious topics and their feelings all the time? Not I. It's nice to do sometimes. And I definitely do love when we have our like real heart to heart chats. But I do feel like a lot of people don't see my sense of humor and sarcasm very much. I don't know if it's because I'm afraid that people aren't going to take it well, but I'm also at that point that if you don't think I'm funny, well, I'm probably not. But if you don't get my jokes, my sarcasm doesn't hit with you, then like, that's okay. Like I can't take being serious for another fucking day and I just need to let some things out. So this is about being burnt out. Hot topics, icks and tricks. Not a lot of people liked my ex. If you are not following me on Instagram, I tried to do some fun icks and people obviously take offense to everything these days. And so if you are going to take offense to anything I say, you probably should stop listening. But yeah, I just been feeling burnt out. Guys, what is it about us women, because that's most of you that we feel like we have to do everything, and we have to do everything perfect. I am so over the narrative that us as women feel the need to constantly do everything without a hitch. We have to look good, we have to have our eyebrows done, we have to make sure we're tan, our hair is right, and then you go to the event, and everything you do has to be perfect. Men don't think this way. Men are just like, it is what it is, okay? They put on the same T shirt and the same set of jeans every single day, brush a comb through their hair where they do the 2&3.1 deodorant, and they don't care. And I really look at my husband all the time, and I'm like, what is it like to live inside a head that just is so chill and doesn't care because he doesn't get burnt out like I do. I either am going balls to the wall, working, looking good, whatever, and then I just stop. I get to a point where I'm so burnt out that I just stop and I do nothing. And I hate it, because I always feel like the medium of just going day to day and getting what needs to be done is not good enough. I'm always waiting, always wanting more. I. I consider life like it's a treadmill, right? And, you know, every day you're supposed to get on the treadmill and walk at a good pace, because slow and steady wins the race. You don't want to run too hard and then tie yourself out or go too slow and not get it done fast enough. So you want a steady pace. And I feel like sometimes in my life, I pick up the paste and I'm running and I'm running and I'm running, and I'm trying to do it all, and I'm trying to get it done, and then I can't keep up. So I get off the treadmill and I just watch it go fast. And I watch it for days go fast, and I'm not getting anything done. And obviously that comes in with my anxiety and depression. And for the first time in my life, I really feel like I have those two down very well. I feel like I'm on the right anxiety medication. I feel like I, you know, I've got that kind of down pat. But it's like when I get in this b. Busy season, and I'm like, I just look at the pile of things I need to get done, and I'm trying to move and go as fast as I can, and I just get burnt out to the point where it's, it's like overwhelming and you know, I feel like so many people can feel that way. Speaking of my anxiety medication, guys, I ran out of it last night, okay? And I do this way too often to be a 28 year old woman that's been on anxiety medication for nearly half of her adult life. But I get the text from cvs, it's like, you gotta pick up, you gotta pick up. And I know it, and I know it, I know it. And then I forget. And then I get in bed, open my drawer, get out my pills, nothing's there. And then I get sent into a panic. I don't have my sleeping medication and I don't have my anxiety medication. And yes, I'm on both. It's a great crisp, hot cocktail to get in bed and you know, just feel that relief of those pills going down your throat. And that might make me sound like a junkie, but you know what, it's what gets me through the day. And last night I realized I forgot to go pick up my medication. I look at my husband and go, I forgot to pick my medication up. He looks at me, he goes, wide eye. We both stand there and he goes, well, that's not good. Well, no, damn shit it's not good. But what do you do when it's 9:30 at night? CVS is closed, I have nowhere to go know what to do. So I didn't sleep well last night. I have to go get it today and honestly forgot completely about it until we're recording this podcast. But luckily CVS stays open till 8 and I'm getting it today, so I feel a little wonky. Maybe that's why I'm feeling a little spicy. I am not taking my medication. But yeah, I've been on anxiety medication for oh my God, since I was probably like 19 years old. But now I have the like perfect mix of a cocktail. I've also never been a good sleeper. I don't know about you guys who can't sleep, but it is a curse. I wish I could be those people that just fell asleep everywhere and that could sleep good amount of hours. I can't. Sometimes I have problems falling asleep. Like my brain just won't shut off. It's still on that damn treadmill. And then I have problems getting up every night. So I will wake up in like hot sweats from dreams. I always remember my dreams. I dream craz and I will get up and automatically like get up and go lay on the couch or go lay on the, like in the guest room. Like, I have to switch locations. Like, once I get up from a crazy dream, it's not like I can go right back to bed in my own bed. Like, I have to feel a cool spot or go to another room or adjust myself. So every night I'm getting up at some point, and I do it almost as, like, sleepwalking. Like, I do it without even realizing that I'm getting up and I'm. And I'm. And I'm going to a different location. I'll end up in the guest room on the couch. My husband's like, you never wake up in the same bed with me. And I. It's just like, almost like a habit that I can't get rid of. Like, I can fall asleep in the bed with him, and then I almost get up. He also snores. For all the people that have snoring partners, God bless you. Because something I have just never gotten used to. And we've been together for almost eight years. I've never gotten used to a snoring man. But, yeah, I've just always had really trouble sleeping. So a couple years back, and it's always been a problem. Like, even in high school, I. I had to. I didn't realize how OCD I was about my sleeping routine. But I'm. I'm like an infant child where I have to have a bath at night. For one. I don't know who you are, but if you're not showering for before you get in the bed, like, how do you sleep? Well, I am the type of person that I have to shower before I get into the bed or I will sleep like crap. So I have to shower, right? Have to shower. Then I do my lotion. I have to put lotion on. I hate the feeling of dry skin. It drives me nuts. My sheets, my bed, even if they have not been made all day, I have to make my bed before I get in. And at night, then I have to make sure I have the largest, coldest cup of water. Then I get my bonnet. I put my bonnet on my head. I get my blankie. Yes, I still sleep with the baby blanket. She gets wrapped around my neck. Then I take my medicine with that cold water, and I lay down, and that is my nighttime routine. And if I have anything that is outside of my nighttime routine, I do not sleep as good. And I have always been like that, even when I was in high school. Like, I did not realize why I never slept good. And obviously, like, a good nighttime routine is a part of It. But sleeping, having trouble sleeping runs in my family. My dad has been through multiple sleep studies. He. He takes the hard drugs to go to sleep. I don't take as that hard of a drug. I take like an anxiety medicine that makes you sleepy. That kind of goes correlates with my anxiety medicine. And that's helped a ton, but obviously didn't have it last night. So we're feeling like a silly, goofy mood. And it's really strange because you'll feel super burnout on life or I'll feel super burnout on life. And you would think that would make me tired, but it doesn't make me tired in the way that I want to sleep. You know, it makes you tired in the way where you want to rot and do nothing. You want to put up your phone, lock it away, and send it to Japan. Like, I want nothing to do with my phone or text messages when I'm tired and ready to rot. Not in the sense of TikTok or Instagram because I love to scroll, but I don't want people to text me. I don't want people to bother me. I'm the queen of do not disturb, okay? That should be imprinted on my forehead because I am the queen of do not freaking disturb. Don't disturb me. You would think people would get that. They don't. They don't. They don't. I don't have my phone to take calls. I have my phone to scroll and write. So, you know, Sunday's my first day off and I decide that that's exactly what I'm going to do. Well, my husband decides that it's Sunday, and I, you know, I went to bed at 9:30, had a long event, and I was like, you know what? I'm going to sleep all day tomorrow. No. My husband decides to. To do productive stuff on a Sunday morning, which whoever does that is nuts. And decides to go get the lawnmower and the weed eater. So guess who got woken up on a Sunday by the weed eater? Me. So I decide I'm up for the day. And I decide that since I can't do anything, I can't do anything without doing it full throttle. I decided to start a book, finish the book in the whole day, but there is nothing, I'm telling you, there is absolutely nothing. More pressure to me then on a Sunday afternoon, going to my room, closing the blackout curtains, getting in a big T shirt, getting me a snack, my jug of water, turning on Criminal Minds, letting that play for about 20 minutes, and then taking a Fat ass nap. Are you guys nappers? Because I love a good nap. My sleep schedule is so off, guys. It's so off. And I'm so hard on myself because I look at the people on Instagram and TikTok and I see that they get up at 5:30 in the morning and they have these cute morning routines. They get up at 5:30 in the morning, they make their coffee, they go for a walk, then they have their greens and a smoothie, then they make themselves eggs and avocado toast. I don't like avocado toast. And they have the perfect morning routine that will never be me. I am not a morning person. And I beat myself up about it all the time. I'm like God Jamie, you could be so productive. You would be so this so that you can make the cutest videos if you could just get up. I can't get up if the sun is not up. I cannot physically be up. Even when I used to have to get up to go teaching and be there at 7:15. I don't remember those mornings. I was half awake. Who trusted me to teach their kids at 7:30 in the morning? I wasn't even awake. Anyway, not a morning person, never going to be me. And I have to give myself grace for that because I don't. I really beat myself up about my sleep schedule because I've just had all these sleeping problems my whole life and. But I've always been a napper and so I've tried to cut out naps and it doesn't really help the way I sleep. Sometimes I sleep better. Sometimes I'm like a baby. You know how they're like if the baby doesn't get their nap they don't sleep good at night. That's me. Sometimes I sleep better once I've had a nap at night. Sometimes I can sleep from 4 to 6:30, get up, eat a good dinner and go back to bed at 8:30. It's either that or I'm up till 12 in the morning doing God knows what and I can get off my phone, I play I, you know, I, I, I, I dream up different scenarios in my head. I count sheet backwards and then I have the most wildest Dr. Wild. They're wild guys, there are wild dreams. I had a dream one time, this was the craziest dream and you could actually have a book out of it. I had a dream one time that there was a different realm, okay, so there was a different realm and it had all these hierarch men in this realm and they would get into our realm, which is the earth, come kidnap women to be their wives in another realm, right? So anytime a woman would mysteriously go missing, it was because these men were coming to pick their wives from our realm. And so I got kidnapped into this other realm. And they basically say, you can either cooperate and marry this man or you go out to like the fields and you become like a maid and a slave, right? So of course I was like, I'm going to manipulate this man and I'm going to marry him and then I'm going to get back to my realm somehow anyway. Marry the man. You get to pick out the nicest house ever. So of course I'm over here designing. I'm like, why is it that bad? Like, this is going to be great. Like I'll pick out a nice ass mansion in this realm, I'll put it near water. You got to do like the beach, the lake, the mountains. You got to pick out your house. And then you came to like your wedding day and your wedding night. And I remember being very frightened. And then I woke up. Who dreams like that? I could write a book. Anybody that is listening that has ever written a book hit me up. Because I have these dreams all the time. Obviously I need to stop watching sci fi movies before I go to bed or Criminal Minds for that matter. But yeah, that is me feeling burnt out lately. I really like being busy. It's when I stop that I feel exhausted. You know, my anxiety, I used to think was just never gonna go away. And I think the older I get and the longer that I get to become friends with my anxiety, because I used to think that me and me and my anxiety, we were on different teams, right? That we just wanted to square up every day. And then I realized if I got to know her a little better and she got to know me, maybe we could work together. And so everybody in their anxiety struggles are very different. But for mine, I really struggle with not feeling like I have a purpose or feeling creative in something. And I used to not really get that. I was never into sports growing up. I really never had a lot of hobbies. You know, I liked more of the creative stuff. I used to love taking pictures. I used to love hanging out with my friends. I used to love to go do things, but I never really had a hobby and an escape. And I think that when you have anxiety or you have ADD or adhd, it's good to have something that you can pour your focus into when you're struggling. And I didn't really understand that until I got older. And even though I don't have, like, tons and tons of hobbies, obviously podcasting helps with my anxiety, even though it can be a cause of it. It's such a catch 22, because something that you start to do because it fulfills you creatively and you think that it's going to help you focus on something other than your anxiety can quickly turn into something that causes you anxiety. So you have to be very careful about the things you love. And, you know, I have told myself that this podcast never takes off or I never am able to do this, like, full time. At least then I won't have the pressure of ending up hating it one day because it really has helped my anxiety. It is something I truly enjoy, and I do feel better after I get done talking for an hour to myself. It's very therapeutic. Even if you don't have a podcast, go talk to yourself in the hour and it will help. You'll be like, shut the up. But I realized as I got older, instead of trying to work against my anxiety, I. It's something I'll always have, and I can always tell when it flares up, and it's when I'm not. It's when I, like, get off the treadmill too long. My anxiety is when I push myself way too fast because I want to get things done, and I get excited about them, and I want everything done right then, and I'm so impatient, and I can't wait. Instead of just putting my treadmill on a good speed and getting things done at an appropriate time, it. It allows me to fill my anxiety in a way where I'm not going too fast or I'm not going at all. Like, I have a problem that I either go full throttle or I don't go at all. Like, I love to rot, or I like to just be like, this, this, this. And I've learned that what keeps my anxiety under control is if I'm going at a good pace and I'm not trying to go too fast, and I'm not just sitting there doing nothing. And that's hard because that's not my personality. I love planning the next, you know, trip that I'm gonna take. I love being like, what are we gonna do this weekend? We're gonna do something new, something exciting. Or I'm the opposite, where I was like, I have so much anxiety, I don't want to go out and see anybody this weekend. Like, it's. It's one or the other. Um, and so Telling myself, not every weekend you have to do something special, you know, plan to do. I. I've started to be like, I want to do. I really love my house. I'm such a homebody. And I think finding new things to do in your house, just like I've told my husband, like, what we need to start doing when it's nicer is having, like, cocktail time and start making new cocktails and sitting on our back porch at night drinking a cocktail and like, winding down together. I think that sounds really fun. And that's not gives me anxiety at all. So, you know, I've just been struggling with being burnt out and my anxiety lately, hence why I didn't do the podcast last week. I think it's good to set a break and. And tell yourself that this is still something you love and it doesn't have to be that serious. You know, I think we take life so freaking serious all the time. And, you know, while it's good and it's healthy to talk about your feelings and to make sure you're intertwined with yourself and the people around you and make sure anxiety, your depressions are intact, you know, it's also sometimes can be really draining if we look at life too serious. You know, you have your job that you take serious all the time. Like, working your job can be one of the most serious things you do because that's the income you have to support yourself and support your family, so you have to take it serious. So you're spending 40 hours a week taking something so serious. And then if you have something like anxiety or depression, that's a serious topic, and you have to really put time in that. And, you know, it's okay to be an adult and. And some people call me immature, but I think it's good not to take things, some things so seriously, to just have fun. I don't think. I think we spend a lot of our time paying bills. That's serious. Who likes to do that? And that's where you get stress. I think the. Oh, my God, my stomach's growling. I think the further you get away from, like, your inner child or your silly, goofy side can really make you feel burnout. And I think that's what I've been feeling lately, is that I haven't been doing anything fun or for me. And while I love doing, feeling creative in my job, and while I like my job, I think no matter what job you have, no matter how much you love it, no matter if it's a dream job, everybody feels burnout. You can only do something so much without sometimes being like, I need a break. I need to just hold back a little. And I know my busy season is right now. I know I'm going to be busy for the next few months. I know it'll calm down during summer and I'll get a little break, and then I'll pick back up and fall, and then I'll get a little break. Also, having to tell yourself, the seasonal life you're in does not last forever. It is always moving. Our lives are always moving. Just like happiness, like I talked about the other week, is that that's forever changing. And this is not to give advice. This is really more for me to, like, pep talk myself, is that I've got to start not taking life so serious. My husband always tells me, he was like, why so serious? And I'm like, you know what? I don't know. So that's why I wanted to come on here today and have, like, a fun episode where we just chatted. And I was like, silly and goofy and really, who myself. If this is not how my other podcast have been formed, this is how I talk to my friends. You just got a really inner circle on how I talk to my friends. It is silly and goofy and not that serious. And I. If you like this kind of episode, let me know if you don't keep it to yourself. But I thought I would bring back something that I used to do. Oh, my God, there's so many messages. We, me and Kylie, when we had Somewhat Basic, we used to do the State of the Union, which is from the Click. I actually had Ellen Marlo, who plays Claire in the Click on Somewhat Basic, and she's a fabulous girl. And they're actually rewriting the. Not rewriting the book, but they're doing a sequel to the book. Of all the girls in the clique grown up. If you don't know what the Click is, it was more for my generation. They were books that I read in middle school, and honestly, they were the books that sparked my joy for reading. And they were a cute little series. They had a movie come out, and it was a phenomenon for, like, women right now in their 28, 27, 25, maybe older, like in their early 30s. So if you're not in that age range, you probably won't get. I'm getting to. But it's called State of the Union. And what they would do or what Massey would do in the books is write her ins and outs for the week. And I thought, I'm gonna Start doing it again because me and Kylie like doing this and I thought I would do it by myself. And when I was in bed last night trying to go to bed, I was thinking about all the things that I thought were in right now and all the things that I thought were out. So I want to start ending each episode with our ins and outs and states of the unions in the color pale baby blue. I love that color. I think that is going to be a really good spring summer color. Also the color bright cherry red. I love bright cherry red nails or anything that has to do with cherries. Right now, permanent jewelry is in. I got permanent jewelry for the first time this week and I love it. I want 10,000 more cowboy romance books. Talking about the book I read all day Sunday, I just started the sequel to it and oh my gosh, nothing I love more than a month. Excuse my language. Nothing I love more than a cowboy. I like. Man, that's a little rough around the edges. You know what I'm saying? And taking walks in the sun. I've started to walk every day that it's been sunny out and honestly healing. I put on a podcast and I just walk. I'm not doing it to try to lose weight. I'm just trying to do it to get some vitamin D and some sun because your girl is ghost Pale outs for this week. Dusty yellow, like this God forsaken pollen. If you are in the state of North Carolina, then you know we are under a state of emergency for this pollen. What is going on? I was driving down the road and I was like, something is on fire. Something yellow is on fire. No, it's pollen. I can't even look at the color dusty yellow without cringing because of this pollen. I hate it. I hate it. Periods out this week. I'm on my period, they're out. You know, you would think that you would get used to something that you get every month. No, you don't. It's not fun. You don't get used to it. You know when they sat you down in fourth grade and said it's not a big deal? They lied. It is. Bleeding out of your body is always going to be a big deal. Working weekends, that's out. That's out. Because I'm telling you, nothing makes you feel burnout when you don't have a day off. We need days off here. Can we vote for a four day work week? I honestly think that we could fix everything going on in the US right now if we could just move things to a four day, work week, asking people to hang out who constantly say no. You know, I saw TikTok the other day that was like, I don't, I don't, I don't want to go, but I want to be asked to go. No, that's not how it works. And it really peeved me because the people that are like, I want to, I don't want to, I don't want to go to the event, but I want to be asked to go to the event. If I ask you 10 times to do something or come to one of my events and you never come, I will stop asking you. Point blank, period. You don't get to be asked to do things and then constantly say no just so you can feel invited. No. Show up for your friends. That's out for this week. So yeah, those are my ins and outs. And let me know what your ins and outs this week. Make them fun, make them silly. Remember, this isn't a serious episode. Leave in the comments something that's in this week, something that's out and make me laugh. Honestly, tell me a fun and actually tell me a crazy dream you've had because I would love to know if people dream like me. I have predicted three pregnancies in my dreams. Not kidding, that's another story for another day. But I can predict pregnancies. Can't predict the gender. Never got in the gender right. But I can predict when somebody's pregnant without them knowing first. Anyway, that's all I've got for this week. Thank you guys for tuning in. I will hopefully see you next week. Who knows? We just don't never know. And yeah, thank you guys for being here and I hope you guys have a great week. Bye.