The Balance Theory with Erika De Pellegrin

Episode: How to Stop Letting Your Job or Relationships Define You | Twinkle Stanly
Date: November 23, 2025
Guest: Twinkle Stanly, Digital Creator

Overview

This episode dives into the themes of identity, self-worth, and life-balance, especially as they relate to career and personal relationships. Host Erika De Pellegrin and guest Twinkle Stanly discuss how to avoid letting your job or relationships define your sense of self. Twinkle shares her journey from corporate media to digital creator, her intentional disconnect from external validation, and practical takeaways for mindset, energy management, and social media use.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Redefining Identity Beyond Career (02:28–09:21)

• Twinkle's Career Pivot:
  Twinkle started as a senior content producer at Cosmo and Grazia Middle East, loved her job, but noticed people tying too much of their identity to their work.

  • “I noticed that a lot of these incredible editors... found it very hard to leave because they were tying themselves to this position and this title that they had, you know, worked so hard for. And that's not something I wanted.” (03:31, Twinkle)
  • She built her personal brand while working full-time, sharing videos and prioritizing projects outside of her 9-5 to maintain independence.

• Misconception of Needing to Reach 'Rock Bottom':
  Twinkle clarifies you don’t need to be miserable in your job to initiate a change.

• On Leaving a Good Job:
  She quit not because she hit rock bottom, but because she couldn’t manage both worlds and saw greater potential for herself in social media.

2. Building an Authentic Personal Brand (05:40–09:21)

• Posting the First Video:
  Twinkle ignored advice to niche down strictly, choosing instead to post diverse content that felt authentic:

  • “If I had to choose my niche, I would have probably closed all doors for me.” (07:31, Twinkle)

• Emphasizing Consistency and Data:
  She advocates experimentation and monthly consistency over rigid planning:

  • “You're never going to know what works until you post every single thing... No one is doing that, right? So you need to post what comes to your mind.” (06:51, Twinkle)

• Niche as You:
  Erika highlights that followers resonate with personality over topic:

  • “I think a nice way for people to not feel they have to box themselves in.” (08:11, Erika)

3. Self-Worth Not Tied to Role or Metrics (09:21–12:58)

• Social Media as an Authentic Expression:
  Twinkle feels most herself online, and intentionally doesn’t internalize either praise or criticism:

  • “I'm not going to internalize it though...I appreciate the compliment. But I'm not going to think I'm the it girl or I'm super inspirational because someone said that to me.” (10:45, Twinkle)

• Tying Value to Habits and Relationships:
  She finds identity in her routines, friendships, and self-growth, rather than titles or numbers.

• Origin of her Mindset:
  Lessons from a long teenage relationship taught her the dangers of fusing identity to external factors:

  • “When that relationship ended, I actually didn’t know who I was at 20, 21. I had to look back and think, who am I outside of being this person’s girlfriend?” (11:54, Twinkle)

4. Practical Mindset & Energy Practices (12:58–17:42)

• Key Habits:

  • Gratitude Journaling: Daily practice, specific and evolving.
  • Rejecting Negative Labels: Actively disagrees when others label her ‘unlucky’ due to past events.
    • “I don't have the worst luck. I'm actually really lucky. So let's not [...] How lucky am I that I'm able to find out something so soon and not waste my life?” (13:33, Twinkle)
  • Vision Boarding: Uses Pinterest and affirmations for focus.

• Mindset as a Muscle:
  Twinkle distinguishes between false positivity and practical, incremental mindset shifts:

  • “If you're a very negative person...you can't go from someone that says 'I'm so unlucky' to 'I'm the luckiest person.' But the best way to...is by coming to a space of neutrality first.” (16:20, Twinkle)

5. Energy and Intuition in Relationships (18:46–25:15)

• Living as If You'll Never Find Love:
  A pivotal philosophy for fulfillment:

  • “When you stop looking for a romantic relationship to fulfill you, every other aspect of your life just gets better.” (20:22, Twinkle)

• Clarity as Non-Negotiable in Relationships:
  After past confusion and energy depletion from ‘situationships’, Twinkle prioritizes relationships that bring clarity and peace, not ambiguity or consistent distraction.

• Noticing Bodily Signals:
  Emphasis on listening to how people make you feel energetically rather than over-analyzing behavior:

  • “Your body tells you everything that you need to know...Sometimes your body tells you exactly what you need to know.” (23:28 & 25:15, Twinkle)

• Balancing Logic and Intuition:
  “Where intuition and gut feeling comes into play is you don't have to act on it immediately, but just be aware of it and don't dismiss it.” (26:13, Twinkle)

6. Social Media Consumption, Dopamine, and Focus (28:10–39:46)

• Creator’s Double-Edged Sword:
  Despite building her career on socials, Twinkle addresses her own challenges with screen addiction.

• Awareness and Gradual Change:
  Replaces ‘endless scroll’ with longer-form content, practices intentional consumption, and is realistic about incremental improvement.

• Algorithmic Addictiveness and Societal Impact:
  The design of social media and tech (like the ‘endless scroll’) is intentionally made for addiction—a phenomenon now affecting both adults and children.

  • “They remove all kinds of friction so that we get sucked into this hole of distraction.” (32:19, Twinkle)

• Rethinking Learning in the Information Age:
  On overusing AI tools like ChatGPT:

  • “We are encouraged to be distracted and be overloaded with information, but none of us are actually learning.” (35:07, Twinkle)

• Parental Beliefs & Societal Programming:
  How early family narratives impact your relationship with success and self-worth.

  • “For me, it's made me delusional that, oh, I don't have to work hard. Everything just comes to me.” (44:30, Twinkle)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Not Tying Identity to Relationships:
  “When you stop looking for a romantic relationship to fulfill you, every other aspect of your life just gets better.”
  — Twinkle (20:22)

• On Taking the Leap Professionally:
  “I knew my social media could give me a little bit more.”
  — Twinkle (04:35)

• On Authenticity Online:
  “Being myself on social media is the most comfortable that I've ever felt.”
  — Twinkle (09:25)

• On Gratitude and Affirmations:
  “I constantly tell myself that I’m the luckiest girl in the world.”
  — Twinkle (14:44)

• On Mindset as a Practice:
  “A positive mindset is... a muscle that you have to practice and exercise.”
  — Twinkle (16:15)

• On Intuition vs. Logic:
  “You don’t have to act on it immediately, but just be aware of it and don’t dismiss it.”
  — Twinkle (26:13)

• On Social Media Addiction & Industry Design:
  “They’ve even removed… all kinds of friction so that we get sucked into this hole of distraction.”
  — Twinkle (32:19)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 02:28–04:44: Career journey, the myth of needing misery to make big moves
• 05:40–09:21: Starting a personal brand, authenticity vs. niche
• 09:21–12:58: Not letting numbers or job roles define worth
• 12:58–17:42: Mindset habits; gratitude, affirmations, rejecting negative feedback
• 18:46–25:15: Lessons from relationships, energy-vampire people, clarity as a core value
• 26:13–28:10: How to balance intuition and logic; importance of self-awareness
• 28:10–39:46: Social media addiction, endless scroll, tech’s effect on children and adults, setting intentional limits
• 40:22–44:48: Is success spiritual or strategic? Family scripts and inner knowing
• 45:52–46:21: Reflections on mindset and the importance of questioning self-narrative

Tone & Takeaway

The conversation is candid, wise, and laced with humor and real-life stories, making abstract self-development advice tangible. Both Erika and Twinkle stress that true balance comes from internal validation, self-awareness, and intentional living—while being real about modern challenges like work identity and social media addiction.

Core message:
Don’t let your job or your relationships define you. Be brave enough to discover and build who you are, inside and out.