Podcast Summary: The Balance Theory

Episode: Why You Don’t Need to Have Life “Figured Out” By 30 | Caggie Dunlop

Date: December 7, 2025
Host: Erika De Pellegrin
Guest: Caggie Dunlop

Overview

In this episode, Erika De Pellegrin welcomes Caggie Dunlop—former Made in Chelsea star, singer, songwriter, author, and host of the Saturn Returns podcast—to discuss the pressures of having life "figured out" by 30. Together, they explore themes of self-discovery, the myth of reinvention, handling major transitions (like the Saturn return), friendship breakups, and navigating new motherhood and ambition. The tone is honest, introspective, and refreshingly relatable, offering practical tips and heartfelt stories for listeners at any stage of self-discovery.

Key Discussions and Insights

The Pressure to Have Life Sorted by 30

• Societal Timelines vs. Reality
  • Caggie describes feeling pressure through her twenties to tick societal boxes (career, partner, house) by 30, only to realize, "I don't have the partner, I don't have the career, I don't have the house. Like, I haven't ticked these boxes that society told me to tick." (01:41)
  • Both speakers agree that these milestones are often illusions and can result in people forcing decisions for a false sense of "safety."
  • Erika adds, “You go through life and there’s layers...Your 20s is a phase of working out what is aligned for you and what’s not.” (10:11)
  • Reframe: Instead of deadlines, use milestones as opportunities to check in with your own values and direction.

Saturn Return: What It Is and Why It Matters

• Definition:
  • Caggie explains, "Your Saturn return is something that happens when the planet Saturn returns to the same place in the sky it was when you were born. It brings up a massive...initiation into adulthood." (02:04)
  • Astrologically tied to discipline, structure, and karma. Typically occurs around ages 28–30 and can feel like “life is crumbling” while prompting authenticity and growth.
• Cycles and Lessons:
  • “Everyone will go through it exactly, mathematically, when they’re supposed to...Saturn also has seasons. These seasons last seven years.” (04:26)
  • Connection to “quarter-life” and “midlife” crises, and events like the “seven-year itch.”
  • Realization: “There’s something quite reassuring in knowing that everyone is going through the same sort of struggles.” (06:22)
• Practical Takeaway: Major life transitions are universal and cyclical, and experiencing discomfort is common, even necessary, for growth.

Reinvention vs. Rediscovery

• Rediscovery Is ‘Coming Home’
  • Caggie shares, "Rather than a reinvention, it might look like a reinvention, but it was actually coming back to the truth of who I've always been." (09:19)
  • Caggie and Erika agree that growth is more accurately about peeling back layers and returning to one’s essence, rather than constructing a brand new self.
  • Erika: “When you are in true alignment, you’re actually just reconnecting with who you are.” (11:00)
• Permission to Change
  • “We need to give ourselves permission...Whether you want to call it rediscovering or reinvention, I think it's healthy to do that.” (11:31)
• Quote:
  • “You could spend your entire life performing, being a people pleaser, having loads and loads of friends and feeling like you’re not seen.” —Caggie (00:00, 09:19)

Journal Practices for Self-Inquiry

• The Power of Questions
  • “The best place to start is journaling...I’d have this voice being like, who am I?” (14:19)
  • Recommends Julia Cameron’s “Morning Pages”: Free-write three pages in the morning to surface hidden thoughts and patterns.
• Timeline Exercise
  • Draw a timeline, list significant events, and journal around the most meaningful.
  • Key question: “What part did I play in this?” This helps shift from victim consciousness to empowered co-creator. (18:07)
  • Quote: “If you ask yourself, what part did I play in this, you allow yourself to see that you are a co-creator of everything that's happening in your life, the good and the bad.” —Caggie (18:49)
• Reframe: Life is happening for you, not to you.

Authenticity and Relationships

• Shedding the Mask
  • Both describe outgrowing people-pleasing and realizing that authenticity may lead to fewer but more meaningful relationships.
  • Erika: "The types of relationships I made with that mask on suited that mask...When I started leaning into authenticity, a lot of relationships just fell off." (23:30)
  • Caggie: “I'd rather just be on my own table, to be honest.” (27:46)
  • Both agree: “It is so much more valuable to have a handful of people that you really, truly connect with and see you than thousands...you can't be yourself with.” (28:48)
• Friendship Breakups
  • Do you need to have ‘the talk’? Not always.
  • “Sometimes it's just you're on different paths...maybe it's just a goodbye for right now, but the love always remains.” —Caggie (30:22)
  • Importance of finding closure within oneself, especially when the “old version” of you served that friendship dynamic. (32:34)

Navigating Motherhood and Ambition

• Balancing Act
  • Caggie on her dual roles: "You can have it all, just not at the same time, you know." (36:32)
  • Both relate to the shift in priorities post-birth, grappling with societal messages that tell women “it goes so fast, don’t miss that.”
  • Key is to prioritize, constantly adjust, and give yourself grace.
  • “Motherhood brings with it this new kind of creative force...I can’t believe I created this, I could do anything.” (37:28)
• Unsolicited Advice (and a story)
  • Caggie recounts a stranger, “a 37-year-old man,” giving her birth advice: “I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t get a C-section...” (38:53). Her reaction is both humorous and relatable, touching on the overwhelm of unsolicited opinions during pregnancy.
• Empowerment in Birth Choices
  • “Whatever way it's going to go, just allow yourself to feel like, this is the right thing for me and my baby and I am choosing this.” (44:53)
  • Erika adds that regardless of birth plans, “If you have a mum who's calm and happy and just like grounded in her decision, it really doesn't matter how it happens.” (41:14)
• Advice for Sharing Birth Stories:
  Erika: “Just share the story, don’t impose an opinion, don’t impose a way...they go through enough as it is.” (45:20)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “You could spend your entire life performing, being a people pleaser...and feeling like you’re not seen.”
  —Caggie Dunlop (00:00, 09:19)
• “Rather than a reinvention, it was coming back to the truth of who I’ve always been.”
  —Caggie (09:19)
• “If you ask yourself, what part did I play in this, you allow yourself to see that you are a co-creator of everything that's happening in your life, the good and the bad.”
  —Caggie (18:49)
• “It is so much more valuable to have a handful of people that you really, truly connect with and see you than thousands...you can't be yourself with.”
  —Caggie (28:48)
• “You can have it all, just not at the same time, you know.”
  —Caggie (36:32)

Important Timestamps

• 00:00 — Caggie on people pleasing & masking authenticity
• 02:04 — What is the Saturn return?
• 09:13 — Reinvention vs. rediscovery (“coming home to who you are”)
• 14:19 — Journaling and questions to come home to yourself
• 18:07 — Timeline exercise for pattern recognition
• 23:30 — Erika on authenticity and the changing landscape of relationships
• 27:46 — Friendship transitions and “being at your own table”
• 32:34 — Finding closure after friendship breakups
• 34:04 — Motherhood vs. ambition: the balancing act
• 38:53 — Caggie’s story about unsolicited birth advice
• 44:53 — Empowerment and acceptance in birth experiences
• 45:20 — Advice on sharing birth stories thoughtfully

Conclusion

This episode is both warm and deeply practical, debunking the idea that life needs to be sorted by 30 and encouraging listeners to embrace their unique journeys. Erika and Caggie normalize cycles of change, the importance of authenticity, and the challenges (and joys) of evolving friendships and motherhood. The tools and stories shared—especially around self-inquiry, acceptance, and compassionate boundaries—make this a valuable listen for anyone grappling with milestones, uncertainty, or personal transitions.