The Basement Yard #537 - The New Drag Queens (Jan 12, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this lively and off-the-rails installment, Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez, and Ant (their producer/occasional cohost) deliver their signature comedic banter, diving into everything from nostalgia-fueled movie debates and winter misadventures to a hilarious exploration of drag queen names. The second half shifts into a surprisingly candid and insightful discussion about money, happiness, and the reality behind those age-old clichés about wealth. Expect witty exchanges, personal stories, and plenty of inside jokes.

Main Topics & Key Segments

1. Opening Banter & Euro Trip Nostalgia

Timestamps: 00:00 – 02:20

• Frank attempts a 90s Euro club-goer impression, which Joe immediately pokes fun at (00:17).
• Discussion of the movie Euro Trip and how certain jokes have aged poorly.
• They reminisce about “Scotty Doesn’t Know” and debate the greatest fake band songs in movies.
  • “People forget—‘Scotty doesn’t know’ came from there.” – Frank (01:33)

2. Winter Woes: Snowfall and Slipping Stories

Timestamps: 02:20 – 08:07

• Joe shares a recent snowstorm tale—finding $20 on a run, nearly slipping, and appreciating the crunch of fresh snow (05:47).
• Frank on the simple pleasure of a snowy silence:
  • “Did you do the thing where you just stop and listen and hear nothing?” – Frank (06:36)
• Lighthearted debates on aging, falling, and the increasing risks as they get older.

3. Parenting Antics: "Stroilers" and Bed Falls

Timestamps: 08:08 – 10:43

• Frank talks about playing an imaginative bed game called “Stroilers” with his daughter, which always ends with him “being pushed into lava.”
• They riff on the perils of falling off beds as adults, with playful ribbing about getting older and more breakable.

4. Generational Wisdom (and Trolling): "Do It Well"

Timestamps: 25:53 – 32:45

• Frank sincerely shares his new mantra for 2026:
  • “If you’re going to do something, do it well.” – Frank (27:16)
• Joe and Ant can’t resist poking fun at such profound “wisdom,” trolling Frank for repeating himself, which becomes a running gag.
• Conversation transitions into work ethic, streaming, and how approaching projects with care makes a difference.

5. Drag Queen Name Generator Mayhem

Timestamps: 13:50 – 22:00, 60:00 – 61:36

• The trio dives deep into drag name generators, coming up with delightfully absurd names for one another across categories (sexy, horror, cutesy, pageant, etc.).
  • “Yolanda Dumpster, baby. Cuz I got that trash back there!” – Frank (16:47)
  • Other notable names: Myra Heat, Venom of Vesper, Kira Quirk, Taffy Toots, Brielle St. James, Dolly Swanson.
• Mega quotable sequence with over-the-top performances and improv.
• They recall their old on-air drag alter egos, Mystique the Greek and Starla, and tease bringing them back for a future episode.

6. Money Games: Would You Rather, Wealth & Happiness

Timestamps: 35:44 – 54:40

• Frank presents a “which money windfall would you pick?” game:
  • "$1 million per day, $100 million instant, $10,000 per minute, or $1,000 per second?"
• The math devolves into chaos as they attempt calculations live, with multiple corrections and much laughter.
• Serious talk on “how much would be ‘enough’?” and the psychological reality of wealth.
• Playful appeal to billionaire listeners:
  • “Listen, billionaires, I know you’re watching… just give us $20 million each.” – Frank (42:50)

Deep Dive: Does Money Buy Happiness?

• A rare, thoughtful segment as they explore the classic question.
  • “I think money helps. I absolutely think it helps… Money brings along other issues you wouldn’t expect, but it helps.” – Frank (43:57)
  • Ant’s candid take: “Rather be rich with problems than broke with problems.” (45:38)
  • Joe reflects on contentment vs. perpetual ‘want’:
    • “Happiness is what you have minus what you want. If you don’t want anything, then you’re pretty content.” (49:07)

7. Flower Power and Simple Joys

Timestamps: 32:12 – 34:53

• The group unexpectedly transitions to a discussion about favorite flowers (tulips, orchids, peonies, sunflowers) and the art of gifting bouquets.
• “Peonies—looks like a baseball of flowers, and then it blooms and it’s beautiful.” – Frank (33:55)

8. Past Drag Experience & Behind-the-Scenes Memories

Timestamps: 57:22 – 59:12

• Joe and Frank recall the intense process of their professional drag makeovers, noting the effort, discomfort, and results.
• “They were a big part. Maybe we bring them back sometime this year.” – Frank (57:42)

9. Rapid-fire: Nostalgic Party Stories, Gym Playlists & Booze

Timestamps: 61:36 – 80:13

• Reminiscing about gym music (with shoutouts to 50 Cent, Cam’ron, and Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me”) and timing reps with song climaxes.
• Discussing drinks that get them in trouble (Guinness, beer, bottomless brunch mimosas), Jello shots, the Power Hour game, and party food challenges.
  • “It’s a little overtly sexual just to get drunk. I don’t want to have to perform a sexual act to have a drink.” – Frank on Jello shots (78:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Drag Queen Names:

  • “Booty Jones is a great drag name.” – Joe (14:28)
  • “Venom of Vesper—that is sexy. That’s a good one.” – Frank (16:08)
  • “Yolanda Dumpster, baby. Cuz I got that trash back there, you know what I'm saying?” – Frank (16:47)

• On Wisdom & Trolling:

  • “If you’re going to do something, do it well.” – Frank (27:16)
  • “Honestly, profound, groundbreaking stuff… Not something I’ve ever heard before.” – Joe (27:38)

• On Money vs. Happiness:

  • “Money can’t fix what’s in here.” – Ant, tapping his chest (44:51)
  • “There is definitely a bit of this mentality—people just do stuff and they're like, ‘whatever.’ I want to make it good.” – Frank (28:24)

• On Party Games:

  • “I wouldn’t be able to fucking walk from this [Jell-O shot Power Hour].” – Frank (79:42)

Recurring Themes & Running Jokes

• Frank’s “Do It Well” Mantra: Sincere at first, but becomes a source of relentless ribbing from Joe and Ant, morphing into a meta-gag for the episode.
• Drag Queening: They enthusiastically embrace the theme, generating names and reflecting on prior drag content, suggesting it’s both a fun recurring bit and meaningful self-expression.
• Money Games: The trio’s approach to wealth ranges from practical to outrageous, always with self-aware humor.

Episode Structure Notes

• Jokes about intros, outros, sponsors, and their Patreon are self-referential and part of the running gags, but episode content resumes shortly after these spots.
• Ads are explicitly not included in this summary per user instructions.

Conclusion

A quintessential Basement Yard episode—rooted in friendship, chaos, and mutual trolling. The hosts’ dynamic seamlessly oscillates between the absurd and the sincere, creating an episode that’s both a laugh riot and surprisingly thoughtful. From drag fantasy to life reflections, you’ll come away both entertained and oddly inspired to “do it well” in whatever you take on.

For Further Enjoyment

• Basement Yard Patreon – Early access & exclusive episodes
• Tour Merch – Check for leftover live show merch
• Connect on social @thebasementyard

“If you’re gonna do things, do them well.” – Frank, 26+ times this episode