The Basement Yard #547 – A Scientist Joins The Show (Mar 23, 2026)
Hosts: Joe Santagato, Frank Alvarez
Description: A comedic conversation podcast hosted by lifelong friends, broadly riffing on daily life, pop culture, science, and absurd hypotheticals. In this episode, the crew debates what qualifies someone as a scientist, relive the heyday of cologne and scent etiquette, and spiral into debates about magical vs. sci-fi transportation.

Episode Overview

This episode's main theme revolves around the everyday, humorous exploration of the idea: "What makes someone a scientist?" Alongside this, the hosts tackle a variety of related and unrelated comedic tangents about personal scent management, cologne practices, airplane overbooking, pop culture, and the ultimate transportation debate (magic carpet vs. DeLorean vs. broom).

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Cologne Wars and Smell Etiquette

• The episode launches into a riff on how people apply cologne and what’s considered too much.
• Frank details his approach—two sprays on the fingers, dabbed behind each ear, referencing etiquette lessons from his fraternity days (01:18).
• Joe shares that online sources suggest behind each ear and one on the back of the neck for a “scent trail” (03:21).
• The trio reminisce about the colognes of their school years (Curve, Kira, Abercrombie's Fierce), noting how scent culture evolves over generations.
  • Quote (Frank, 01:52): “It’s not supposed to be for the room. It’s supposed to be for people that get close—like a pheromone thing.”

Notable & Humorous Moments

• Hilarity ensues as they compare applying cologne to “being a slug and leaving a trail” (03:40).
• They discuss the distinct smell of mothballs, church incense, and whether mothballs in shoes are odd or reasonable (14:02 - 14:36).
• Fascination with the spray patterns of atomizers—judging “shotgun” blasts and “dribbles” like connoisseurs (12:35).

2. Personal Hygiene: Deodorant for “the boys”

• Discussion of whether it’s normal to apply deodorant, or even cologne, to one's groin (“Gucci and balls” – 06:04).
• The crew details the mechanics—separate deodorant sticks, stick types (roller vs. solid), and the logistics (“front or back door?”).
• Candid (and graphic) sharing about the realities of male hygiene and why this matters at all ages, with Joe quipping about prepping for the unlikely Carmen Electra encounter at age 12 (09:15).
• Quote (Frank, 06:24): “Sometimes my bonch smells like it got dragged by a horse through human shit.”

3. Scents, Air Fresheners & Burping Your House

• Frank and Joe trade takes on car air fresheners—Joe prefers neutral air, Frank likes a little scent, and both hate overpowering, artificial smells (16:33).
• Candles vs. sprays: why a candle “lingers” but mist “attacks" (19:20).
• Frank describes his partner “burping” the house (opening all doors/windows to flush out stale air), a TikTok-driven trend that he finds both amusing and linguistically revolting (21:42 – 25:23).
• Extended riff on airflow, house ventilation, and whether central air negates the need for “burping.”

4. Airline Overbooking, Compensation, and Upgrade Scenarios

• Joe poses: what’s your price to get off an overbooked flight and wait for a later one? The group breaks this down by multiples of ticket price and time delays (25:29).
• Rabbit hole: Why do airlines overbook? Weight limits, no-shows, and “big airplane” mysteries (28:36).
• Amusing detour into the golden age of air travel—suit jackets and hotboxed with tobacco, versus today’s pajama-wearing travelers. Tampa Airport’s controversial pajama ban gets a thumbs-up (33:01).

5. Celebrity Piloting & The Science of Trust

• The crew debates: if every celebrity had basic pilot training, who would you trust (or not) to land the plane?
  • Matt Damon and Idris Elba get nods of confidence; Charlie Sheen, the Paul brothers, and McGregor are ruled out (43:00).
  • Morgan Freeman: high trust, but “he’s up there in years” (45:30).
• Discussion of Samuel L. Jackson and Zoe Saldana’s careers, with gushing over their roles in high-grossing franchises (47:04).

6. Pop Culture and Movie Debates

• Debating the most “overrated” blockbuster films—Interstellar and Tenet get called out for excessive “movie-ness,” while The Wolf of Wall Street is cited for its fanbase misapplying its message (55:49).
• Go-to favorite comedies: Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Wedding Crashers, Tropic Thunder (57:44).
• Which movie props would they splurge on? Discussion of the Ace Ventura “rhino butt,” Harry Potter’s golden snitch, Voldemort’s wand, and the Jurassic Park “amber cane” (65:13).

7. Ultimate Fantasy Transport: Magic Carpet vs. DeLorean vs. Broom

• Spirited, hilarious debate ensues over which magical or sci-fi mode of transport trumps the others.
  • Joe advocates for the magic carpet (“personality, ride comfort, and style”)
  • Guest/Producer supports the DeLorean (“time travel, climate control, and flight”)
  • Frank stumps for the wizard's broom (“control, freedom, and magical versatility”) (73:07 – 91:00)
• The conversation spirals into practicalities—weather, privacy, ball comfort, government shoot-downs, and the perils of time-travel paradoxes.
  • Quote (Joe, 77:35): “You know what’s easier? Flying a magic carpet.”

8. Are You a Scientist? The Academic Debate

• Frank asserts his “Bachelor and Master of Science”, wrestling with what actually makes someone a scientist (95:01–end).
• Joe argues degrees don’t make you a practitioner, and the distinction between having “science” in your certificate and contributing new knowledge.
  • They quote Google: being a scientist is about systematic inquiry, not just a diploma (96:50).
• Frank: “I am categorically, factually, a scientist. Bachelor of Science!” (102:08)
• The closing is playful, with Joe calling Frank “Dr. Frank Alvin,” and Frank insisting on being called “Master of Science.” (104:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• Cologne Etiquette:

  • Frank: “You’re not supposed to walk into a room and people go ‘woah’ from smelling your cologne. It’s supposed to be for people that get close.” (01:52)
  • Joe: “It’s like you’re a slug... but the trail is cologne, not slime.” (03:43)

• Deodorant Debate:

  • Frank: “Sometimes my bonch smells like it got dragged by a horse through human shit.” (06:17)

• On “Burping” the House:

  • Frank: “I hate the word ‘burp.’ It is a shitty word.” (21:45)

• Travel Hypotheticals:

  • Joe: “Let’s say the ticket was $500—what’s your cutoff to get off the plane and wait?” (25:39)
  • Frank: “You never take the first offer.” (27:44)

• On Defining a Scientist:

  • Frank: “If anything, I’m categorically a scientist. Bachelor of Science!” (102:08)
  • Joe: “The Basement Yard podcast, hosted by college dropout Joe Santagato—and Dr. Frank Alvarez.” (98:49)

• Movie Prop Dreams:

  • Frank: “Give me the Golden Snitch.” (66:44)

• Fantasy Transport Debate:

  • Joe: “You have a time machine, but what’re you actually gonna do with it? I have a magic carpet—you know what I could do with that?” (78:22)

Essential Timestamps

• 00:27–04:00: Cologne application methods & etiquette
• 06:04–09:40: Deodorant for the groin, male hygiene honesty
• 14:02–14:36: Scents: mothballs, incense, and olfactory nostalgia
• 16:33–20:24: Air fresheners, scent preferences, and “burping” the house
• 25:29–30:06: Flight overbooking, compensation hypotheticals, and airline business
• 43:00–46:00: Who would you trust to land a plane (celebrity edition)?
• 47:04–54:00: Samuel L. Jackson/Zoe Saldana & blockbuster movie fame
• 57:44–59:54: Funniest movies debate (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Tropic Thunder)
• 65:10–67:11: Movie prop wish list (Snitch, wands, Amber cane)
• 73:07–91:00: Magic Carpet vs. DeLorean vs. Broom—THE Transport Debate
• 95:01–104:47: Scientist definition meltdown & “am I a scientist?” escalation

Language & Tone

Consistently fast-paced, irreverent, punchy, and riff-heavy. Frank is animated and slightly defensive about credentials, Joe is sarcastic and quick to undercut, while the guest/producer plays the foil (“science guy” with a business degree). The trio rides quick-witted, absurd banter with a layer of genuine friendship and self-deprecating honesty.

Summary Verdict

A classic Basement Yard escapade: strong on chemistry, packed with quotables, rabbit holes, and relatable nonsense. Useful for listeners wanting a direct taste of the show’s blend of nostalgia, guy talk, social satire, and unfiltered debates, culminating in what may be podcasting’s silliest argument about scientific accreditation.