Transcript

Joe (0:00)

Spring just slid into your DMs.

Frank (0:02)

Grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner. Those sandals that can keep up with you. And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling, Ross.

Joe (0:12)

Work your magic. Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. I'm here with Frank, who just told Ant he's a beautiful boy multiple times in a row. What was that about? What a good looking boy. Beautiful boy.

Frank (0:31)

I didn't stop.

Joe (0:32)

You did say it. You said it.

Frank (0:34)

I, I, he does this to us all the time. My beautiful boys when we walk in. So I decided to place a, place it right back to him. I gave him a beautiful boy.

Joe (0:44)

You gave him two, but the second one was like beautiful. Yeah, you literally did.

Frank (0:50)

I mean, I'm in admiration. I think he's a good looking guy. I want to make sure that I give him the proper credit where credit is due. When you do that. That sucks, I'll tell you that.

Ant (0:58)

Like that in, like this.

Frank (0:59)

What is that?

Joe (1:00)

Yeah.

Ant (1:00)

I don't know. That was cute.

Frank (1:01)

Do you guys, did you guys do family portraits growing up?

Ant (1:05)

Yeah, I did.

Joe (1:06)

You did like white people for real? Yeah, I know, but I'm white too. I think I did one when I was a, like a baby.

Frank (1:14)

I remember the baby. One of you, you're in like an old timey sailor's costume or some shit.

Joe (1:18)

Yeah, I look like I own a cereal company or something. Like it was. Yeah, me and Keith for like Easter, my mom would dress us up like Cabbage Bash dolls or something.

Frank (1:26)

Yeah, Becca's parents did that too. I remember when we were buying our house, her mom, like gave her like a basket full of like these were your baby clothes. And it was like, it looked like it was made out of yarn from Michaels. Yeah. Yeah.

Summary

The Basement Yard – Episode #549 – "Picking Your Nose Is Cool"

Release Date: April 6, 2026
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez (with Ant)

Episode Overview

In this episode, Joe, Frank, and Ant dig into humorous nostalgia and the peculiar joys of life’s little gross-out moments. The hosts reminisce about childhood, family traditions, old school food hacks, and ultimately defend the universal (but unsung) pleasure of picking your nose. Peppered with banter and friendly debates—ranging from favorite breads to heated discussions about brunch and the dangers of loose pool Band-Aids—the episode is an affectionate ode to gross rituals, kid logic, and the stamina of elementary school athletes.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Portraits & Childhood Traditions

Early Portrait Experiences:
- The group discusses old family portraits, dressing up as kids, and whether the tradition continues as adults. Joe's upcoming family photo session for his mom's birthday comes up.
- Frank: "Selfishly, I hope never [to stop]." (03:08)
Generational Toughness:
- Joe and Frank ponder the strength of their Irish Catholic grandmothers and how previous generations coped with hardship and emotion.
- Frank: “They were numb, dude. They would go to school. They do cursive. And the teacher would beat the— out of you...” (04:50)

2. Bread, Weird Food Habits & Childhood Eating

Favorite Breads:
- Spiraling into a debate: naan versus pita, and the satisfaction of tearing Italian bread. Joe confesses he once thought "naan" was a gluten-free supplement (10:06).
Pasta Sandwiches & Ketchup Buns:
- Frank explains “pasta sandwiches”—spaghetti shoved into Italian bread—and Joe’s childhood habit of eating ketchup sandwiches.
- Frank (on pasta sandwiches): "Dude, there's nothing better than just a slice of white bread... and you just—some fucking wet spaghetti." (07:57)
School Lunch Stories:
- Nostalgia for wiping plates with bread and dipping pita in ketchup, with some gentle roasting among friends (09:25).

3. Breakfast Hierarchy & Brunch Philosophy

Pancake and Crepe Wars:
- The hosts debate the best pancake style. Crepes are controversially “overrated.” Joe likes crispy pancake edges, Frank sticks to “classic”—but ultimately, waffles and French toast edge out pancakes for some.
- Frank: "Crispy is the last thing I want my pancake to be described as. Just get a waffle.” (16:15)
Brunch Debates:
- Where does brunch begin and end? Is having a mimosa at 5am "brunch"? Heated debate ensues, with Joe arguing for brunch at any time with the right drink and Frank insisting on firm times.
- Frank: “Breakfast ends at, like, 11... 11 to 12 is brunch. And then lunch is after that.” (20:08)
St. Patrick’s Day Rituals:
- Colorful stories about green beer, 8am tallboys, and childhood traditions.

4. Nostalgic Games & Athletic Girls

Kickball and Line Soccer:
- Reminiscing about high-stakes elementary school games, especially how some girls were legendary athletes.
- Frank (on Lauren): “She could throw an Aroldis Chapman fastball, dude. She let that fly.” (53:40)
Challenging gender stereotypes:
- Frank hammers home how, growing up, more girls than boys dominated sports in their classes (61:01).
Nukem and Bloody Dragons:
- The gym game "Nukem" is fondly remembered, along with their team, the Bloody Dragons, who beat "the Unbeatables." (62:04)

5. Gross Kid Stuff (and Why It’s Awesome)

Picking Your Nose:
- The crux: full-throated defense of picking your nose and satisfaction in getting a good, long booger.
- Frank: “I’m going to say this, okay? And I’m going to put this out there… I love picking my nose.” (42:59)
- Joe: "Picking my nose is so fire." (43:02)
Bloody Noses:
- Finding pleasure in cleaning one out post-blood, and the sensation of removing paper towels after a nosebleed.
- Joe: “When you get a bloody nose and it’s like crust on the outside and you just go like this... And like it looks like pepper. Yes, exactly. I’m pepper milling my nose.” (45:13)
Pool Band-Aids:
- The horror of finding loose Band-Aids in a pool, contended to be worse than finding a turd.
- Frank: “I would honestly probably be more afraid of the band aid than the log of shit.” (78:27)
Old Kid Rituals:
- The joys of grime: dirt, worms, playing in the mud, and loving the dirt on your face (38:42).

6. Body Oddities & Childhood Injuries

Haircuts, Lumpy Heads, Ace Bandages:
- Hail to the Russian barbers named Eddie and the irrational kid logic behind always wrapping something in an Ace bandage.
Gross Cuts & Casts:
- Disgusting stories of cast stink, Band-Aids, and peeking at shriveled skin after wearing a bandage.
Pain and Passing Out:
- Moments where pain almost caused blackouts and the mortifying gym stories that still haunt adulthood.
- Ant (on pain): “The closest I’ve come to passing out was because of pain... Like, oh, man, I think I’m going out. I fought back, but it scared me.” (86:58)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Frank (on bread): “Cutting your own bread is kind of cool... like when Aladdin ripped that bread.” (06:00)
Joe (on picking noses): “Few things in this world I like more than that.” (43:40)
Frank (defending booger picking): “Why in God’s name… has someone started this movement?... Picking your boogers is like, unsightly… It’s fire.” (43:04)
Frank (on pancakes): “Just get a waffle. But it’s not the whole pancake. It’s just the edges, the middle—still a pancake.” (16:15)
On fast girls in childhood:
- Frank: "Jamie was basically Michael Jordan." (53:16)
- Joe: "Najat was the queen, yo. She could cover ground out there, bro." (53:57)
On pool dangers:
- Joe: “If a band aid touched me, I’d be like, no.” (78:34)
- Frank: “I’d probably be more afraid of the band aid than the log of shit.” (78:27)
On sibling rivalries and injuries:
- Joe: (on a thumb injury) “It was so jarring. My dad just was like, you’re fine, and pulled my thumb, and it went right back to place.” (83:09)
Classic banter:
- Frank (mascot jokes): “Dragons take out all those. Lions beat everybody, though. Who’s the Lions? Lie on your back and take these dicks.” [Frank pulling off a “gotcha” joke] (64:32)

Additional Fun Bits & Timestamps

Family portraits and generational toughness: (01:05–05:05)
Bread debates, pasta sandwiches, and ketchup stories: (06:00–10:20)
Naan supplement confusion: (10:00)
Street food and fast bartending videos: (10:32–12:40)
Crepe vs. pancake argument; breakfast/brunch boundaries: (14:25–21:00)
Jello shot math & party stories: (24:40–32:02)
Spring allergies and “grounding” in the dirt: (37:01–39:15)
Kids’ sports legends; playground stories: (51:16–61:54)
Picking your nose & boogers: (42:54–46:44)
Blood, injuries, and gym fails: (83:09–88:21)
Band-Aids in the pool vs. poop: (78:15–79:03)
Hand-holding weirdness, double-jointed tricks: (81:55–82:41)
Sissy, tummy, and adult vocabulary regression: (67:41–68:53)

Episode Tone & Style

Warm, irreverent, and nostalgic
Gallows humor about gross-out, childhood injuries, and bodily functions
Unfiltered, affectionate roasting between lifelong friends
Constant threads of nostalgia: food, neighborhood games, embarrassing kid logic

Summary

Episode #549 is a boisterous, retro-tinged trip through childhood and adolescence, fixated on those weird, gross, yet strangely comforting little rituals everyone pretends they didn’t love. From battling over bread types and breakfast foods to declaring the glory of nose-picking and recounting elementary school sports legends, Joe, Frank, and Ant prove that some gross pleasures and kid logic never die—and they're probably cooler than adults are willing to admit.

For more crude comedy and suburban time travel, follow @TheBasementYard

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#549 - Picking Your Nose Is Cool

Transcript

Summary

The Basement Yard – Episode #549 – "Picking Your Nose Is Cool"

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Portraits & Childhood Traditions

2. Bread, Weird Food Habits & Childhood Eating

3. Breakfast Hierarchy & Brunch Philosophy

4. Nostalgic Games & Athletic Girls

5. Gross Kid Stuff (and Why It’s Awesome)

6. Body Oddities & Childhood Injuries

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Additional Fun Bits & Timestamps

Episode Tone & Style

Summary