#469 - The Great Debate!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard - Episode #469: The Great Debate!

Release Date: September 23, 2024
Host: Santagato Studios (Joe Santagato)

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I. Opening Banter and Tongue Metaphors ([00:00 - 05:56])

The episode kicks off with a humorous and playful exchange between Joe Santagato (referred to as A) and his co-host Frank Santagato (B). The initial conversation revolves around the anatomy of the tongue, intertwined with lighthearted teasing.

Notable Quotes:

• A ([00:12]): "Your tongue's pussy, basically."
• B ([00:30]): "Don't do that."
• A ([01:02]): "It's a muscle. Why can't you do tongue ups."

This segment sets a casual and comedic tone for the episode, showcasing the hosts' chemistry and penchant for ribbing each other.

II. Tongue Strength and Hygiene ([02:04 - 05:56])

Transitioning from jest, the hosts delve into a discussion about the strength of the tongue. Frank emphasizes the tongue's muscularity, stating, "the tongue is the strongest muscle on your body" ([02:03]). They explore unconventional methods Frank employs to train his tongue, such as punching through paper held in his mouth ([02:21]).

The conversation shifts to tongue hygiene, with Joe admitting, "I don't brush my tongue every day" ([03:53]). Frank advocates for regular cleaning, mentioning the use of tongue scrapers and toothbrush attachments designed for this purpose. Joe shares his struggles, citing a "pathetic gag reflex" that hinders his efforts ([03:44]).

Notable Quotes:

• B ([02:03]): "I have a strong tongue. I've tried this."
• A ([03:53]): "I've been brushing. I'll be honest with you. I don't brush my tongue every day."
• B ([04:04]): "So all of you out there clinging your tongue every day."

III. Handling Emergencies and Family Safety ([05:56 - 15:08])

Joe recounts a harrowing experience during a bachelor party in Scotland, where a fire broke out due to a mishap with the microwave ([04:11] - [10:47]). The incident underscores the importance of emergency preparedness and the dynamics of handling crises within a household.

Frank shares his coping mechanisms during emergencies, revealing a tendency to panic and the need to withdraw to regain composure ([04:32] - [13:15]). They discuss past incidents, such as a child slipping and the resulting emotional toll on the family ([11:39] - [13:15]).

Notable Quotes:

• A ([04:43]): "So what if you're choking, to just shove the food all the way down? That would be very..."
• B ([07:21]): "I need to just calm down and chill because I can't just be like, all right, it's done."
• A ([10:44]): "He [Zach] was just like, dude, he's probably brushing his teeth and almost vomiting."

IV. Analysis of the Presidential Debate ([15:00 - 29:00])

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting the recent Presidential debate. Joe and Frank analyze the interactions between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris, highlighting Trump's controversial remarks and demeanor.

Joe expresses frustration with Trump's appearance and rhetoric, stating, "Donald Trump needs to stop with the face paint" ([16:24]). They discuss Trump's derogatory comments about migrants, such as "they're eating the dogs" ([17:49]). The hosts critique the shift from policy-driven debates to more sensational and inflammatory exchanges.

Notable Quotes:

• A ([16:26]): "It's not even close anymore. There's no more plausible deniability."
• B ([16:38]): "Trump used to be entertaining to watch because it was kind of funny."
• A ([17:49]): "He's referring to Haitian migrants, by the way. They're coming in. They're eating the dogs. They're eating the pits. They're eating the cats and dogs."

V. Marine Biology: Crabs, Fish, and Parasites ([29:00 - 40:00])

The conversation takes an unexpected turn towards marine biology, with Joe and Frank discussing various sea creatures and their behaviors. They delve into the world of crabs, oysters, and the enigmatic parasite Cymothoa exigua, known for replacing a fish's tongue.

Frank shares a personal anecdote about finding a live crab inside an oyster he shucked ([27:40] - [28:06]). The hosts explore the reproductive habits of clams and the troubling life cycle of the parasite that controls a fish's tongue.

Notable Quotes:

• B ([27:40]): "And then the parasite itself effectively serves as the fish's new tongue."
• A ([36:33]): "It then attaches itself to the remaining stub of the tongue and the parasite itself effectively serves as the fish's new tongue."
• B ([37:14]): "Cuz the parasite severs the blood vessels and the fish's tongue, causing the tongue to fall off."

VI. Handwriting and Sentimental Keepsakes ([51:00 - 61:38])

In a more reflective segment, Joe and Frank discuss the importance of handwriting as a sentimental keepsake. They reminisce about their grandparents' handwriting and the value of preserving handwritten notes as pieces of personal history.

Frank emphasizes his attachment to handwritten letters, stating, "It's a piece of history" ([54:38]). Joe contrasts this with his own less sentimental approach, joking about his "dog shit handwriting" ([57:27]).

Notable Quotes:

• B ([54:38]): "Like, that's like a piece of history. You know what I mean?"
• A ([57:11]): "I'm writing your Pikachu."
• B ([58:16]): "Write down the word friend."

VII. Concluding Discussions and Final Thoughts ([61:00 - End])

As the episode wraps up, the hosts engage in light-hearted banter about handwriting styles and personal quirks. They encourage listeners to follow them on social media and support the podcast through Patreon, maintaining the episode's informal and conversational atmosphere.

Notable Quotes:

• A ([59:45]): "What's the ending letter that you wrote there? Because that's not a... I don't know why you added this thing to you."
• B ([60:02]): "I'm not a hater. It's love."
• A ([61:25]): "I'm being abused. But you guys can go follow me at Joe Sandigan."

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Key Insights and Themes

1. Humor and Camaraderie: The episode showcases Joe and Frank's strong rapport, balancing serious discussions with comedic exchanges.
2. Critical Analysis of Politics: A significant focus is placed on dissecting the Presidential debate, highlighting concerns over political rhetoric and public discourse.
3. Educational Segments: The hosts incorporate educational content about marine biology and parasitology, providing unexpected yet intriguing insights.
4. Personal Reflections: Discussions about handling emergencies and the sentimental value of handwriting add a personal touch, allowing listeners to connect on a deeper level.
5. Engagement with Current Events: By analyzing the recent debate and referencing popular culture (e.g., mukbang influencers like Nikocado Avocado), the podcast remains relevant and timely.

Conclusion

Episode #469 of The Basement Yard offers a blend of humor, critical analysis, and educational content, all delivered through the engaging dynamic of Joe and Frank Santagato. From dissecting political debates to exploring the strange world of marine parasites, the episode captivates listeners with its diverse range of topics and authentic conversations. Whether you're a regular follower or a new listener, this episode provides both entertainment and thought-provoking discussions that encapsulate the essence of The Basement Yard.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. You have a big. What's that called?

[B]

A flapper?

[A]

No, no, the thing that holds it. Tongue tie? No, what is that called? The thing that's holding your tongue down. Stick your tongue out. Lift it. No, no, no. Open your mouth. Oh, and that. Yeah. See, your. Your tongue's pussy, basically.

[B]

Don't do that.

[A]

No, the clit of your tongue.

[B]

First of all, put that finger away. I don't know what it is, but you pointing that finger at me is fucking triggering.

[A]

You think it would feel good if I went like this to your tongue tie?

[B]

Absolutely not.

[A]

You want to try?

[B]

No. Okay. I don't want those dirty fucking hands in my mouth.

[A]

First of all, I wash my hands a lot.

[B]

Have you washed it since you've been here?

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, there you go. I don't want your fucking dirty ass hands in my mouth. I don't like putting my own hands in my mouth.

[A]

I've seen you suck your fingers down to the bone.

[B]

It's different when there's food on them.

[A]

Oh, so when you eat and they're just covered in barbecue sauce, you like.

[B]

First of all, if anyone has anything with barbecue sauce on it and they don't suck their fingers fucking to clean. They're stupid. You clean your hands. All that flavor that's being lost in that fucking napkin.

[A]

I don't. I eat the shit that I'm eating.

[B]

Yeah, and then you're covered in. And then you're just like, this is so good. It's finger licking good. There's a whole saying about it. And then you.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

I just. In that fucking household of yours, you never had anything that was delicious enough to lick those fucking little piggies you got there on the end of your wrist.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Your mom is a very good cook.

[A]

Yeah. Give me a break.

[B]

But I will say, don't talk about my undertone.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

It's just like. It's a private little petticoat. Private.

[A]

Do I have a good one?

[B]

No. Yours looks. Yours does look like a pussy that's kind of fire.

[A]

I want to see the under.

[B]

Your tongue. Looks like a. Just a fucking.

[A]

Mine's thick.

[B]

Yeah, you got it.

[A]

I got a thick tongue pussy. You have a thin tongue pussy. That's.

[B]

Well, you know, I would beat the.

[A]

Fuck out of yours.

[B]

Take it easy. My fucking. First of all, you know. £ it's like by ratio, the tongue is the strongest muscle on your body. My dad blew my tongue Would fuck your tongue up, bro, if our tongues boxed Yeah. I have a strong tongue. I've tried this. Like, I've done stuff with.

[A]

How would you do.

[B]

I've, like, had, like, paper in my mouth, and, like, I'll hold it in my teeth. I'll punch through with my fucking tongue.

[A]

You've had paper in your.

[B]

Frankie.

[A]

You've had paper in your mouth and you've punched through it with your tongue.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that means you think your tongue could beat the shit out of my.

[B]

You ain't doing anything cool with your tongue, dude. I know so many sunflower seeds.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

This thing is, like, fucking trained. Like Iron Mike.

[A]

You know how many make your tongue stronger?

[B]

It's a muscle. Why can't. You could do tongue ups.

[A]

I'm trying to not know.

[B]

Get like.

[A]

You ever look at your tongue? Like, really look at your tongue?

[B]

Yeah, I'm a little upset by it.

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

It is.

[A]

And under your tongue is kind of gross.

[B]

Under my tongue is way cooler than the top of my tongue. The top.

[A]

My tongue again.

[B]

No.

[A]

Let me see your little pussy. Show me your pussy. That's kind of crazy to say. You got some blue in there, too.

[B]

There is a little bit of blue, yeah. But I like. I like all the food and stuff that got on my tongue. I scraped that bad boy. And it's still like. It's a little.

[A]

I don't have a tongue scraper. I should get there.

[B]

Probably should. Yeah. I mean, a lot of. A lot of. I have one. Yeah, it looks like. It just looks like. I don't know how to explain what it looks like. It looks like a baseball diamond. And then you scrape it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But a lot of toothbrushes now come with, like, a part of the toothbrush so you can scrub your tongue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you this right now.

[B]

Do it.

[A]

I have a pathetic gag reflex.

[B]

You do. And we've tested this quite a bit.

[A]

I've, like, brushed. I'll be honest with you. I don't brush my tongue every day.

[B]

Oh, neither do I.

[A]

And I. It's okay. I know. You should.

[B]

This is a safe spot. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna judge you for that.

[A]

Thank you. I know that they're going crazy right now.

[B]

Yeah. There's. You know, there's some bullshit. All of you out there clinging your tongue every day.

[A]

Get the fuck.

[B]

All these fucking hero dental assistant fucking people. That dental hygienists. Fuck you.

[A]

I get it. I should be doing it, but I don't. But. But it's because I'VE almost thrown up in my sink. Mad times. And I thought I had the worst. But in Scotland, on Espo's bachelor party, I don't know who it was to this day, but I was texting the chat that we rolled in. I was like, who's throwing up in the bathroom? Because my room was right next to the bathroom when I just hear someone, like, throwing up.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So we were on a bus to go to, like, a distillery, and I was like, yo, who's throwing up in the bathroom this morning?

[B]

No one took credit.

[A]

And then, you know Zach, right?

[B]

I've met him a couple times.

[A]

So Zach was just like. He's like. I mean, I was brushing my teeth, but I wasn't throwing up. I was like, dude, it sat. Like, he has probably. Like, he's brushing his teeth and almost vomiting.

[B]

Dude, people that fucking throw down a ton of peep peas must have great dental hygiene, you know, because they don't gotta worry about any of that stuff.

[A]

I don't know if you're throwing a bunch of cocks in your face, that.

[B]

I'm just saying, like, if there is a correlation between being able to.

[A]

A gag reflex.

[B]

Good gag reflex. Like, if I had a great gag reflex, mine is not bad.

[A]

Wait, if you have no gag reflex, is that good or bad?

[B]

Probably medically bad. Because I think a gag reflex is meant to, like, protect you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, in case something, like, is going down your throat.

[A]

Yeah. You shouldn't be able to just eat a whole banana in one shot. Like, that's dangerous.

[B]

Yeah, that is a. That is a little crazy. Fire, though, also scary. Dude, bananas are fragile. You move the wrong way, that thing ain't coming back up.

[A]

Dude, when those horny Instagram girls make videos where they take a whole banana, they're like, all I'm thinking about is, like, yo, that could break.

[B]

And, you know, I'm terrible. I'm terrified you're gonna joke. You're gonna choke. I have. Why have we not figured out, like, if people are choking, to just shove the. Like, something that will just shove the food all the way down?

[A]

That would be very. I mean, it's shorter to come this way. No.

[B]

Yes. But, like, if it's lodged this way and it's not coming up this way, it's like. All right, second plan is just throw it back.

[A]

Yeah. Like a. Like a pipe cleaner and just.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, just like a reverse plunger. Like a snake.

[A]

A snake.

[B]

A throat snake.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, it doesn't need to be that big one. That's on, like, the fucking that people put on the drills and shit like that. Yeah, but like a throat snake. So when someone's choking, you can just fucking get it in there and just put a snake. And you need those plumber gloves. You know which one I'm talking about? Like, yeah, like cloth gloves that are, like conductors gloves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like.

[A]

Yeah, but a snake snakes.

[B]

Up, but a snake pushes through in order to pull out.

[A]

Hmm. This whole conversation is crazy. Yeah. No, that is. They do make a plunger for, like, a baby's face. Seen that. We have one.

[B]

We have the life back. God forbid, bro.

[A]

I've seen Tiktoks.

[B]

God forbid.

[A]

Went down a rabbit hole and I was like, this thing is sick, bro.

[B]

God forbid we have it in the house. May I never have to use that ever in my life.

[A]

But I think vacuuming my child, if.

[B]

They'Re choking, well, I think. I think what's his name, the situation from Jersey Shore, I think he had to use it. And they used him as, like, a pro, like a promo, bro, let me tell you something.

[A]

I went down a rabbit hole of parents using. Having to use the life hack. It's so scary.

[B]

Whatever, listen, I value whatever. No, no, no, hold on, hold on.

[A]

You're gonna like it.

[B]

I just wanna say something really quick. I value you. And whatever you say, normally, as a parent, currently. I don't wanna hear any of this.

[A]

No, it's good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What do you think I'm gonna say? There's dead babies I'm watching videos of.

[B]

I don't know, just. All right, go ahead. But like, even the idea of my kid, like, choking and me saving them, I don't want to happen. I don't want that to ever happen.

[A]

No one's wishing that upon you.

[B]

I know you're not wishing, but I'm superstitious. There's a superstitious here.

[A]

Okay, but I'm not, like, saying anything about that. I'm saying I've seen videos. And one thing I wanted to say is that obviously that's a very scary thing to the point where this kid doesn't even want to talk about it because he thinks that, like, I don't know, magic tricks in the air.

[B]

Wait till you have fucking kids, Joey.

[A]

So, no, but the thing that I wanted to say is that, like, some of these parents are so gangster. Like, clearly, like, something's going on that is, like, high stress, whatever. And, like, you just see, like, either the father or the mother, like, getting up, realizing one of the parents is usually, like, kind of frantic. And the other one just. Baby's good. It's like, whoa.

[B]

A lot of it's so cool. And I can't say that's not cool. I'm saying the parents, they get shit done. Yeah. Stand it on business. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Don't ever, ever do that again. Okay.

[B]

I can't speak for most households, but I could say in our household, who's.

[A]

The panicker most of the time?

[B]

Me. Most of the time, I'm the panicker. But there's like a weird. Like, if someone. If their immediate reaction is to panic between Becca and I, the other person's reaction is just to be like, I got this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know? So like, there have been instances where, like, something has happened and Becca panics, and I'm like, you know, you have to. And vice versa. You know what I mean? So there's just a weird, like. It's just a feeling. And there's like a dynamic in the home that, like, in that moment, you know your role and shut your mouth. Know your role. Shut your mouth.

[A]

I know. I know.

[B]

The Rock.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

Queen. The Rock Johnson. But, like, there's. There's just an unwritten, like, dynamic when it happen. When it happens. One person knows, like, this is my time to panic. The other person's like, I fucking got this right. And most of the time, I'm the panicker.

[A]

If. And also, I think if I'm alone, I'd be way more prone to panicking for anything.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

But when there's. Yo. Even. Do you remember when I was. Blow up my apartment?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because I put the mug.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I put a mug that had a metal thing in it, and it looked just like a mug that didn't have that.

[B]

It was the ones that heat up.

[A]

On their own on, like, a little hot plate.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I put that in the microwave because I was gonna make hot chocolate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it fucking went up in flames and the whole. And like, I was watching TV and I don't even know why. I think I heard something. And I look over at my microwave, and there's just flames going. And I was like, huh? And immediately I got, like, scared. And I think Charlie knew I was scared, so he started panicking. And all I needed was that to be like, I must save this place, because I think I would have just ran out of.

[B]

There I am.

[A]

Threw it into the balcony.

[B]

Yeah. Probably off the balcony too, while you're there.

[A]

No, I didn't. I threw it just on it.

[B]

On the Balcony. And remember we recorded that day and I showed up and you were telling me because it smelled like. It smelled like fire, probably, and it was the night before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Cuz I was gonna judge you for making hot chocolate at 10am in the morning. No, no, but I remember. And you were like, yeah, look, it's right there. There was just a melted cup. Yeah. On your balcony. Yeah.

[A]

Because it was, it was a fireball.

[B]

I'm the type also where like something startling happens. I can't just be like, all right, it's done. Let's immediately laugh and smile about it. I need to like, I get to a level of like fight or flight, that my brain is just like fucking firing on all cylinders. And then I need to like gradually come down. Like I need to be left alone and like no one talk to me.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. When we, we had an incident last, I'm pretty sure it was last summer where we were at Becca's parents house and we couldn't find Ruby.

[A]

I remember this.

[B]

We couldn't find her. Spoiler alert. We found her.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

As you could tell. But she was hiding, like, and she'd probably fallen asleep in our my in law's bed behind the pillows. But you know what that reminded me of? What?

[A]

Remember when Keith ruined manhunt because he fell asleep in a fucking bush and no one could find him. Like, you ruined the fucking game. And he's like, find me. Ruby's doing the same thing to you guys years later.

[B]

But I like, afterward, I had to be left alone. I needed to calm down and chill because I can't just be like, all right, it's done. And I thought, honestly, it was just me. But then I talked to Greg about this because there was an incident a couple months ago where Maeve in the house, we had mopped the floors and she slipped and hit her head on the floor. And I said to like, we made sure Maeve was okay, like, you know, nothing lasting or bad. And I said to Becca, I was like, I need to just like go in the other room for a little bit. And I told Greg about it and he's like, yo, like, it's not just you. I'm like, really? He's like, yeah. He's like, there have been instances where like Iris has like, you know, tripped and scraped her knee or something and I start punching walls. I'm like, I don't do that, Greg.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

I want to throw that out there. He's like, really? I was like, yeah, but the same general sentiment. Like, it's just like, I get so, like, here I go, you know? And then I need to just, like, ease out of it. Like, I need to be, like, ironed, like a nice, beautiful blanket.

[A]

I don't think you iron blankets.

[B]

You can. All right, maybe not a blanket. You know what I'm talking about.

[A]

But, like, can I ask a question that's completely unrelated to the story you just told?

[B]

I'm afraid to say yes, but I will.

[A]

What's the difference between a blanket and a quilt?

[B]

Quilts are old timey and they suck.

[A]

That's not the right answer.

[B]

I mean, I know, but I'm telling you what my perceived answer is.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

I'd rather have a blanket a thousand times over than one fucking quilt. Because what do you think I'm laying on some, like, ceremonial bed where there's, like, little pictures on my blanket? No. I want a nice, comfy blanket that keeps me warm and maybe even a little cold.

[A]

You want a blanket that keeps you.

[B]

Cold, but, like, it has, like, that material, like, almost, like, down material, where it's like, it's cold to the touch, but it keeps you warm. You know what I'm saying? Like, okay, trolled. Cold.

[A]

Got it. I understand you're saying sort of fuck quilts, though. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, close your eyes. I got a quilt for you. You're not happy?

[A]

I imagining a lot of patchwork and, like, frilled.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want that shit.

[A]

Yeah, I want, like, a very Betsy Ross something.

[B]

Hell, no. Hell, no. Do you guys have any?

[A]

You probably have this, like. Do you have anything that's like, oh, this is my special blanket. And like, when I was a baby, I had it, so I keep it still.

[B]

No, I don't. No, I don't.

[A]

Zeca have? No, I think Shannon has Shit.

[B]

I mean, you know, a lot of kids, like Ruby has, we call it her cozy. And it's like a little, like. It's not a blanket. It's like this big, and it came with, like, a stuffed animal on it, and the stuffed animals gone. And it's just like a little flowery thing that she just holds and it brings her comfort. But, like, I knew people like that that, like, had their, like, childhood blanket and shit like that, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I had as a kid? I was never a big blankie kid, and I never, like, you know, like, stuffed animals. But my, like, comfort thing was I had a mommy shirt and a daddy shirt and my mom.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

It was my mom's shirt that I took and it was like my comfort thing. And same with.

[A]

You were wearing your mom's shirt.

[B]

I wasn't wearing. I'm sure I did wear them, but like it was just like to carry around and have as a comfort thing. So it was mommy's shirt and daddy's shirt.

[A]

Fucking guys cross dressing as a kid. What the fuck?

[B]

What did you have, bitch? I don't know exactly. Nothing. You were in the fucking basement.

[A]

Not yet. I was still upstairs at that point. I was doing front flips off at the top bunk.

[B]

Joey, I don't know if you saw there was a. The first presidential debate for the anticipated election that we're having in November here in the United States.

[A]

I forgot that the debate was on and I was like. It was like 9 o'clock or something and I was like getting ready to go walk Charlie and cuz I usually take him out around eight. So it's like nine. So I'm like, oh shit, so I better take him out. But then I realized the bait was on. Didn't have walking this dog until like 10:30 because I was like, I have to watch this. I put it on, dude. Some unbelievable stuff coming out.

[B]

There was some.

[A]

Did you watch it?

[B]

I. So I didn't watch it. I didn't. I didn't want to visually.

[A]

Let's agree on something.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Donald Trump needs to stop with the face paint.

[B]

Yeah, it's a little. It's a little.

[A]

It's not even close anymore.

[B]

It's not even like he has. There's no more plausible deniability. It's just like, obviously. And it's not. I mean, listen, everyone wears a little makeup and cover up and stuff.

[A]

They all do.

[B]

He goes from white knock Garfield, bro.

[A]

It starts here. It's like where his eye ends is one color. And then it's just. Come on. I could see you're old here.

[B]

Yeah, listen, we're not gonna get into the politics of, you know, where we stand. You know, there was no politics. I don't say. Like, I. Trump used to be entertaining to watch because it was kind of funny. Like the way he'd poke the bear and shit like that. And just like some of the shit he'd say, it has gotten to a point of just like full. Like it sounds like a lot of it is just kind of delusion at this point.

[A]

I. Well, yeah, I mean, I mean the whole. The whole event is just nuts, bro.

[B]

And Kamala was. She wanted to call him like a motherfucker so bad. Like, there was one clip that I saw where she was just like. And this former. She was like. And this former president, you know, like, she wanted.

[A]

Killing her.

[B]

She wanted to, like, cock back and just backhand this, bro.

[A]

It's such a weird. Just a weird thing. Also, I want to read a quote here. My favorite quote from the night.

[B]

Oh, you have some quotes.

[A]

Well, it's just the one that, like, went super viral now on Tick Tock, and you're seeing it all the time. But he said in. In Springfield, they're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating. They're eating the pets of the people. And this is what's happening in our country, and it's a shame. He's referring to Haitian migrants, by the way. They're coming in. They're eating the dogs. They're eating the pits. They're eating the cats and dogs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And at one point, he was just like, Kamala said she wasn't black, and now she's black.

[B]

There was another line that I don't remember who said it or. Well, one of. Obviously, you could probably narrow down who said it, but it. Or someone else might have said it around, like, the conversation of the debate. But it was just like, the tr. They're getting trained. The aliens in prison are getting trans.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's been so many people like, posting, like, pictures of, like, the xenomorph from Alien and ET and, like, you know, cross dress.

[A]

What he said. Where's the quote now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens who are in prison. I don't. How is that even an actual sentence? How is that a thing that's being said? Like, that's a wild sentence. I also can't figure out what it means.

[B]

So the aliens. Obviously, they're referring to migrants. That's what they're referring to as aliens. You know, apparently the Dem. The Dems. Dirty Dems are paying for them to get Transition in prison. Transitioning surgery in prison.

[A]

Damn, dude. If you're in prison, I feel like that's the last thing you need.

[B]

I have a question.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

If you're in prison. So you're an illegal alien here. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. You're in prison.

[A]

I am.

[B]

I pay for you to get, you know, top surgery, bottom surgery, whatever one you want.

[A]

Why am I getting it in the.

[B]

Well, that's what. That's what they're saying is happening. Do you then get transferred? Transferred to be with your.

[A]

Yeah. You can't be in a male identified. Yeah, because I Don't know.

[B]

That's a tough question, right?

[A]

I don't know. Well, I do know. If it was me and if I. Even if I wanted to transition to have, like, top surgery, I'm not coming back to a male prison with tits. Now that's not happening.

[B]

Oh, those. Those tits will get banged.

[A]

My tits.

[B]

Tits are getting throttled.

[A]

No, I'm not doing that. That would be. You know, I'm putting a target.

[B]

Target on my chest for funds. Would you get, like, breast implants just to play with your own tits?

[A]

Yes. I've never been put under, and I'm scared.

[B]

Oh, that's why.

[A]

Well, that's. That's the start.

[B]

Like a starting part of it.

[A]

A big part of it is.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

The big part of it is I'm not putting tits on my body for no reason so that I could do this. This is pretty cool.

[B]

You look like you're having a blast.

[A]

I am having a blast.

[B]

Yeah. No, I mean, it's just entertaining. Like, what do other people from other countries look at us and think? You know what I mean? Like, at what point are they just, like. Is it just for entertainment purposes at this point?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Like a car crash.

[A]

Because it used to be, like, a debate on policy, and now it's like, she's not even black. Yeah, it's awesome.

[B]

I don't know enough about Kamala Harris to make any sort of statement about that. You know, she's.

[A]

I think she's black and Indian.

[B]

There was also. There was also something that was like, I have the concepts of a plan. That's another one that's going all over the place.

[A]

Yeah. I forget what that was about, but I was watching that.

[B]

The concepts of a plan is so incredibly like. Yeah, it's like, okay, that's a thing.

[A]

Came out that was like, Kamala Harris's earring. It then someone. So it was like her earring, like, whatever the fuck it looked. I was like a pearl and, like, a gold thing. And then right next to that, it was like someone posted this. Like, right next to that was this, like, advertisement for, like, a microphone. So people were like, yo, she's getting fucking answers in her ear.

[B]

Oh, gotcha got. They think she was.

[A]

Kamala's cheating on this thing. Like, It's a fucking SAT test. Which I did cheat on the SATs. Cheated on the SATs.

[B]

Well, no, I mean, it's high.

[A]

Didn't get a good.

[B]

Right. Way to go, Joe. You cheated yourself into a fucking, like, 600.

[A]

No, back then, it was it was at, like, 21.

[B]

I don't remember, because I recently told someone my score, and they were like, no way. And I was like, I guess I'm misremembering, like, I don't remember what this score. Because then they were just like, we got to do away with standardized testing. Of course, after we took it. Of course they got to do that after we took it, right?

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

You know, and then it was like, oh, we're only counting two of the three or three of the four. And it's just like, I shouldn't need to do percentages in order to understand my score.

[A]

I got a 1480, but it wasn't out of 1600.

[B]

Yeah, because I remember I told someone, I was like, I got a 1500.

[A]

And they were like, holy shit.

[B]

Yeah. But then I was. They were like, was that both parts or three parts? And I was like, I thought it was good. Like, the way it was, like, originally, they were just like.

[A]

I think it's, like, very, very okay.

[B]

Like, the score that we got, possibly.

[A]

You get a 1500 and you go to unhappy.

[B]

What does that mean, bitch?

[A]

It's not like you could have gone to a better school.

[B]

I chose the school I wanted to go to. The hell does that mean?

[A]

You could have went to a better school if you got a 1500 out of 1600.

[B]

I could have gone to any school I wanted. The fucking world was my oyster, okay? Don't you ever forget about it.

[A]

Don't understand that expression.

[B]

I don't either, I guess, because you can hold an oyster in one hand.

[A]

I can hold anything in, like, most things in my hand. Right. So disgusting.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

Also, I didn't know. Actually, I did know this, but I didn't realize how, like, whatever. What's the thing that has pearls?

[B]

Clams don't. Oysters.

[A]

I don't know. I think oysters, maybe oysters, maybe they're clams, too, but, like, they actually have pearls.

[B]

Yeah. Where the fuck are you?

[A]

I know, stupid. No, I knew that they had that, but I. Like when I saw, like, a video of someone, like, opening it up, and, like, I'm like, wow. It, like, just looks like a pearl done like. It like.

[B]

I thought they're, like, in their shit, though. They're like. They got to, like, squeeze them out of their fucking butts or whatever they got in there. You've never seen people. They, like, do clams fuck each other.

[A]

Dude, I know that's stupid question, but, yo, think about that.

[B]

Our clams fucking reproduce. Let's see clam penis right now. Yeah, go ahead.

[A]

I think maybe they just release some shit in the water and then it clams. How do clams reproduce? There it is releasing eggs and sperm into the water.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

Or asexually through her mafer died ism crazy.

[B]

These are the aliens.

[A]

You got the clowns in prison getting sex changes.

[B]

They're a prison in their own shell. That's what it is.

[A]

Damn. So they, they make their own. Wait, how though?

[B]

They're just like, you know what? I'm gonna do my own kid.

[A]

But where does the shell come from?

[B]

The shells? I think it forms around them. Or maybe they. Fuck. Dude, this is so crazy. I don't fucking know, right? I don't know. Is it like hermit crabs where they go and they find a sick pad and they're like shack up here.

[A]

Here we go. Yeah, that's right. Like, yeah. Cuz those are giving birth to like crabs. And then crabs got to find their own little rock.

[B]

It's like their own thing. Like, like turtles are born with shells and they have to form.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So like so, so, so, so pearl. So what do they call clams and scallops and oysters? They're like, you know what? I'm going to make this for myself, bro.

[A]

This is fucking crazy. So what happens is clams will spit jizz in the water, right?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

External fertilization. Then there's some free swimming. The free swimming stage.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

For five to 16 weeks.

[B]

Oh, so like there's just. So the ocean is basically mostly just clam gum.

[A]

I don't know the percentage. Yeah. But then I think they just form into like they eventually get this shell just naturally.

[B]

No, someone's got to accept it.

[A]

Sex.

[B]

There has to be a host.

[A]

They are the.

[B]

They are. So they're not shooting out? Oh, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They are sperm. Because sperm is alive. And then they. They bond to the water and they're just like, you know what?

[A]

Make a. I'll make a rock out.

[B]

Of this clam right now. Yeah. That's kind of nuts.

[A]

And then it ends up on my plate and then I eat it in a nice white wine sauce.

[B]

I was gonna say a seared scallop. Oh, fuck.

[A]

What's up?

[B]

Nope. You ever had a set like a scallop crudite or tartare or anything like that?

[A]

Isn't crudite like I think. Are you thinking?

[B]

Yeah, I might be. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. I thought crudite was just like celery and probably. You know what I mean?

[B]

You just like, dip it with scallop.

[A]

I know this because I went to a restaurant, I ordered the crudite, and it was just vegetables, like radish, like, whatever, but no dip.

[B]

Radish.

[A]

I'm like, why would I order this with no dips? Give me the dips. Give me something to dip in this. I agree.

[B]

There needs to be a little bit of dip. Yeah. Crazy. I never know. You ever open an oyster. You ever shucked your own oyster?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Some motherfuckers are in there, bro. They're in there, dude.

[A]

Bro. Also some oysters. Disgusting looking, dude. Well, most of them are disgusting, but others are when you're like, okay, what happened to that one?

[B]

Dude? Years ago, I don't remember if it was Becca's birthday or what, but I went and I bought oysters and I went to. And I got, like, a shucker to shuck them at home so her and I can have, like, oysters, you know, with our dinner or something like that. And I. The first one I opened up had poop in it. No, there was a live crab in it. In it, in it.

[A]

That's kind of, like, sick, but also scary.

[B]

And I just. I threw out the whole batch. I didn't throw them out.

[A]

You're more like me than you think. I find something alive in my fucking oysters. I'm going, that was a mistake.

[B]

But I didn't throw it out in, like, the garbage we lived. That's when we lived on the water. I went in the back and I just dumped them in the water. So they might have lived a very healthy life or they might have got gobbled up by somebody else.

[A]

I mean, this crap was doing a number on one of them.

[B]

Dude, how to get in there, I have no idea. But, like, I think years later or actually recently I brought that up and they were just like, oh, that's like a delicacy. And I was like, it looked like a little spider. Like, it looked like it was like us. Like a young spider.

[A]

It's just a baby boy.

[B]

Baby boy spider. And I was just like, how is this thing just living in there? And they were like, sometimes that happens the whole $70 down the drain, you.

[A]

Know, I also could. I didn't even think about this. Crabs. They can spend all of their time underwater, I think. So grabs, but also land.

[B]

Yeah, they're crabs. They probably need to go back. They need to probably go back in and just, like, check in.

[A]

But, like. So. But are they a double breathing thing?

[B]

They're a crustacean.

[A]

No, that's not the right.

[B]

Well, like, you ever see them blow bubbles? Like Krabby and Kingler?

[A]

They can blow bubbles.

[B]

The Pokemon? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I know the Pokemon. But I feel like. Are you describing it?

[B]

There's also Crab Brawler. He's another Pokemon.

[A]

Can crab breathe on. They have gills.

[B]

Yeah, I've seen. I've seen their gills. I've seen them. They're there.

[A]

You've seen a gill?

[B]

Yeah, we've gotten, like, blue shell crabs, and we have to, like, cook them and open them and clean the gills out and.

[A]

Bro, this is crazy. They can. They can. Oh, it depends on the type, but I. I think they could just spend.

[B]

The whole year, I guess.

[A]

That's not crazy. But I will say crabbing kind of fun.

[B]

I. I've never. Miles tells me all the time I've crabbed you. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you can't see.

[B]

You pull them out and there's just a cage of crabs and they're like.

[A]

Oh, how do I get in here? It's awesome because they're, like, eating, like, a little stupid fish.

[B]

You ever see Fuck the fish. Did you ever see the video of Gordon Ramsay going crabbing for colossal king crab?

[A]

Those are big mothers, dude.

[B]

He goes into, like. I don't remember where. If it was like, fresh water or what. I'm presumably saltwater because, you know, crab. And he digs down and he's like, yo, they're an infestation. You look around. Millions of them.

[A]

I can't do that.

[B]

Million. And he picks one up and this thing is like this. Dude, you got to look that shit up. My guy goes down there, takes a bunch, and he fucking gets out of there.

[A]

Wait, he dove.

[B]

He dove.

[A]

Oh, I'm not diving.

[B]

He dove. And he was. The guy said, he's like, you gotta be careful because, like, they'll crab you. They'll. They'll take off fingers.

[A]

No way.

[B]

Have you seen the size of these things, dude?

[A]

I'd have to wear a chainmail.

[B]

He's like. He's like, I have to wear. I have to wear his mike.

[A]

Gordon Ramsay, he does repeat a lot. I have to wear.

[B]

I have to wear. Have to wear a wetsuit because if I don't, they're gonna buy off my digit, you know, my digits. That's his thing. I know what I'm saying.

[A]

What is he talking about?

[B]

His cock brother.

[A]

Got it. We do have ads for today, by the way. We have ads for today. The first one being BetterHelp. You guys want some online therapy? You can do so with BetterHelp. It is fully customizable, so you can talk to a therapist in just under 48 hours because they make it very easy to start your therapy journey. Uh, and yeah, you can just, you could talk to a therapist in a short amount of time. And they have licensed therapists in every single state. And yeah, I've benefited from therapy. I've been in it for a couple years now. I think it's amazing. I think that everyone should be in it. And better help is also more affordable than in person therapy, which can be very, very expensive. Been down that road before. Sometimes like $300 a session or something like that. It's. It's very expensive. So if you don't have the right insurance or anything like that, it's kind of like, well, I can't even afford to do that even if I wanted to. But this is more affordable than that. So if you're thinking about starting therapy, I would give BetterHelp a try. And you can save some money on top of it being more affordable than in person therapy with our code. So you can go to betterhelp.com basementyard today and you will get 10% off of your first month. That is BetterHelp spelled B E T T E R H E L P.com/basement. And you will get 10% off of YOUR first month. Okay, so yeah, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yeah, betterhelp.com basement yard. Get that 10 off of your first month. And we also have Harry's. Okay. Harry's always delivers. They send the best quality razors right to your door for a fraction of the price of the big brands. Okay. Harry's. By the way, this is not on this thing, but I just want to say they have some of the best packaging I've ever seen. The razors are very like, they feel luxurious. Okay. They're luxurious branding. And they're. There's like a weighted handle to them. They're very good, nice clean shave. I usually like get some like razor burn or something and I actually lost my Harry's razor. So I should probably hit them up or just use this thing because wait till you hear what you get out of this. But when I was using that one, it like would. It was. It's like a better razor. So it gives me less razor burn on my neck. I have like sensitive skin there. But yeah, you can. They're German engineered blades made in their own factory that stay sharp longer. You can get a five blade razor, weighted handle, foaming shave gel and a travel cover. For just three [e-mail] basement okay, so you can get started with a $13 trial set for just three bucks. Three dollars. Okay. And this is Harry's.com basement. So if you want to try it out, go try their razors. No risk trial. If you don't like your shave, no worries. It's on them. But yeah, $3 at Harry's.com basement. Go now and enjoy that trial set. $13 for just three bucks. There you go.

[B]

And folks, listen, if you want to show off that beautiful new fresh shave, go do [e-mail] the Basement Yard. How are you going to show that off? Don't know. But still go there. That's where we tell you guys, you could support us and you can get more of us. Realistically, you sign up for that first tier, you get these episodes weekly. That's right. One week in advance. Seven whole days. Oh, it's Monday. Guess what? Bam. It's yours on Patreon. And then that second tier, not only do you get in the week early these weekly episodes, then you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So realistically, you only have to go a couple days without us, which we know it's heartbreaking. But Monday, Friday, beginning and start and end your week with the [e-mail] thebasement yard thank you, guys. We're consistently breaking records, always moving in the right direction, which is up for those of you guys that might not believe it. So thank you guys. We appreciate it. Patreon.com abyssmart Listen, folks, this is the last time I could say this, okay? If you're seeing this on Patreon and you're coming to any of the shows that we're having in Texas, yee haw. First of all, Second of all, TheBasementYard.com submit. The last time I could say this.

[A]

Mm, I don't know.

[B]

It's crazy. Go submit your questionnaires. Go, go stories, all that fun stuff so we can talk with you at the shows. We're excited Texas is this week. If you're seeing this on Patreon, if you've seen it, it was last week. Sorry, you were getting ready and geared up. Giddy up for Radio City. So go check it out. Thebasemanyard.com Submit thank you to all you guys for consistently supporting us. It warms our heart and our barnacles. I'm not going to tell you where those are, but you can imagine. Back to you, Joe.

[A]

What is a barnacle?

[B]

It's like a living organism. It's like. It's like a wart on these fucking. I can't.

[A]

On whales.

[B]

I don't know if it's on whales. It's only crustaceans. Like, I've seen so many videos of people like, all right, we. I don't know why they're all British.

[A]

That sounded Australian to me.

[B]

Whatever they are. But, like, they. They get a. What's it called? Like, a lobster. They. They get a lobster, like a big motherfucker. And they're like, we're just gonna clean these barnacles off because they're probably bothering. You ever see barnacles? They're like the little, like, volcano thing, and in it, there's a little. It fucking freaks me out.

[A]

People eat them. You eat them.

[B]

Hate that shit.

[A]

You eat a barnacle.

[B]

I don't think you can eat a barnacle. I don't think they're very good if people have. Maybe.

[A]

Bro, think about this.

[B]

You know what I think about? My turn. There's a parasite that will go into a fish's mouth, cut off its tongue, and then be its tongue. And then. And then anytime the fish eats it. The fish doesn't eat. The tongue eats. It's crazy.

[A]

It's crazy. What the Are you talking about?

[B]

Up.

[A]

How do I even look that up? Parasite.

[B]

That becomes the tongue.

[A]

Paraphrase? Parasite. Fish tongue.

[B]

Parasite. Fish tongue.

[A]

All right, we're gonna get to the bottom.

[B]

Parasite.

[A]

Parasite becomes fish tongue.

[B]

Told you. I told you.

[A]

Cymothoa ex gua exigua. That probably means something offensive in some language that I don't know. Yeah, no, we're gonna. We're gonna get it. We're gonna.

[B]

It, like, cuts off the tongue and it becomes the tongue, and it's just like, yo.

[A]

Like, it enters a fish through the gills. The female attaches to the tongue while the male. This is a Bonnie and Clyde situation.

[B]

Shit.

[A]

Really?

[B]

They're going in, they're robbing the bank together.

[A]

Yeah. So the female goes. Attaches herself to the tongue. Of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'll distract him and make out with them. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Fucking little fish tongue.

[A]

Make it.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Didn't even. Female attaches to the tongue while the male attaches to the gill arches beneath and behind the female.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

Damn, he's dogging her. Shit. What's going on in the fish mouth? Damn. Goodness. These guys do this to me.

[B]

They're fucking double humping your tongue. You.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Fishy bastard.

[A]

Arch. Hold on. Let me go back.

[B]

Show them how you arch your back.

[A]

Wrong. Oh, my God. There's pictures, bro, it's. You're right.

[B]

I told you.

[A]

Listen, it's called Simetho Eggs. Eggs go. That's not it. Okay, so the female attaches to the tongue while the male attaches to the gill arches beneath and behind. The female starts, gets in.

[B]

Gets in business position.

[A]

The parasite severs the blood vessels and the fish's tongue, causing the tongue to fall off. So that's kind of like in Ocean's Eleven when you like go into the. Like you go into the sewer and cut off the electricity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the camera shut off. That's what they do. Except the tongue falls out.

[B]

The tongue falls. So it's like. It's like when they say like Thai floss over like a fucking skin tag or something, eventually it just dies and fall off.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Fucked up. This poor fucking fish.

[A]

It then attaches itself to the remaining stub of the tongue and the parasite itself effectively serves as the fish's new tongue.

[B]

Crazy, dude. Fuck the ocean.

[A]

Wait, where's the female?

[B]

She's still there, of course. What do you think?

[A]

Oh, did they become one?

[B]

I think that they're just like together.

[A]

Many of the species have been identified. The only symmetry, isopods that are known to consume and replace the host's organs.

[B]

Crazy, dude, fuck you. Oh, wow. I know, I know you're listening. Pacific Atlantic, Bro, for obvious reasons, I'm not gonna say fuck the Indian Ocean, because that would be.

[A]

Don't say that. Don't you say it.

[B]

Arctic. Fuck you double. Because you're cold.

[A]

Very cold.

[B]

I said the Atlantic's cold too. But fuck all you guys. They're all cold and everything you got going on inside you.

[A]

The Mediterranean Sea is nice. It's warm, I've heard.

[B]

But it's a sea, not an ocean.

[A]

It's fair. But all the oceans are probably like so cold.

[B]

Frogs and toads. Because there's so much water. Dude, you ever see that? Tick.

[A]

What are the oceans? Pacific, Atlantic, Atlantic. I almost said ocean.

[B]

Arctic, Arctic, Indian, Indian.

[A]

Is that it? Four?

[B]

I think there's six.

[A]

I think there's four.

[B]

Really? Look them up.

[A]

How many oceans are there?

[B]

It's a good question.

[A]

I think there's four. Five.

[B]

What is Adriatic? No, I guess it was a stupid guess. Okay, all right.

[A]

Adriatic. What is? No, there's. It says four, I guess. Oh, there's a new one. The Southern Ocean.

[B]

Fuck you. You just fucking decide you want to be a you taken from the other rest of these hard working oceans. You think you're just gonna come on our planet and take your own for these hard working oceans and call it yours. The aliens are getting trans surgeries. Our neighbors have to be like, what the hell goes on?

[A]

The Southern ocean is the newest named ocean. I don't. But I don't even know where this bitch is.

[B]

That sounds like a racist. We had four sounds like a racist ass ocean.

[A]

Oh, it's down by.

[B]

Down by the bay where the watermelons grow something to my home. I dare not go.

[A]

I dare not go for if I do. Oh, it's off the coast of South America.

[B]

My mother will say, I thought the.

[A]

Arctic was down there.

[B]

That is the Arctic. You know what?

[A]

No, the Arctic is now on top. It's a. It's not flat. You understand? Oh, hot take.

[B]

He's lost three viewers.

[A]

What did he say?

[B]

I got him too.

[A]

Sima tho eggs. Can we. I'm gonna type this in, see if we can get a pronunciation. How do you pronounce this? Okay, bro, I think I was right. I was. Exigua. Exodia. Simis.

[B]

Sounds pretty Zigua.

[A]

Damn, that's like a cool like. Yeah, that's pretty name. This is my. This is my son. Exigua.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Cut your tongue out.

[B]

You see, I don't know how this transitions or why I made me think of it. Nicocado. Avocado.

[A]

Why are you saying it like that's.

[B]

How you say it.

[A]

Say it again.

[B]

Nicocado. Avocado.

[A]

Oh yeah, I did, dude.

[B]

For those of you guys that haven't seen nicocado.

[A]

Frankie, say it in.

[B]

How do I say. How do I say it?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I'm serious. I'm not. This isn't a bit, but you're putting on an accent. Nicocado.

[A]

No, but say avocado. Say the whole thing.

[B]

Yeah, Nikocado.

[A]

Yeah, but you say Nico Kato. You like do these like hard Ds.

[B]

Nicocado. Avocado.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

Okay. Did I even say it right?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Okay, for those of you guys who don't know who that is, they're like a mukbang influencer. Yeah, he.

[A]

He YouTuber. YouTuber did a lot of mukbangs.

[B]

Lots of mukbangs. Just tons of bangs of mug banging muck.

[A]

Yeah, like definitely banging a lot of.

[B]

And like crazy shit too. Yeah, like. And like as a result of all the mukbanging, gained like £300.

[A]

He was banging the muck and then the muck banged him back. The muck banged him right back.

[B]

Right back. Yeah, and put out a new video Like a week and a half ago of him as his very large self, and then the next week put out one that was just like, I'm two steps ahead or some shit.

[A]

Yeah, he was wearing a panda hat.

[B]

Yeah, he was. Also, because he had lost £250 more than two steps. Probably several hundred thousand steps.

[A]

Yeah, I would say 10,000 steps a day at least.

[B]

And like lost all this weight and apparently had filmed all the banging of mucks right. In like a month time.

[A]

Previously filmed bangs and then all those.

[B]

He put the bangs out every day or every week and now is just like in incredible shape.

[A]

Yeah, he like lost a bunch of weight now.

[B]

Like 250 pounds.

[A]

Yeah. It's kind of wild, honestly. Thank God.

[B]

Good for him. Yeah.

[A]

I'll be honest with you. I think I've made this comment on this podcast before, but seeing his videos, like, genuinely upset me. But yeah, because I'm like, this is like. And it's like you can tell that he's like doing a character when he's doing it, making it more ridiculous than it is. But you're still eating all that.

[B]

Here's the thing that gets me is I love food. You know me, I love food. I. Anyone, no matter who they are or what they look like, eating food to that degree, it's disgusting to me. Like Joey Chestnut. I love hot dog disgusting. Absolutely. Depends on the food.

[A]

It depends on the food.

[B]

Also, what the hell is with his jaw? This guy's got a jaw like fucking.

[A]

He's got a. He's got stuff. Something's going on.

[B]

He might.

[A]

There is something going on with Joey Chestnut.

[B]

Careful, they'll come for you. Who? Joey Chestnut? What is he gonna do, eat your fingers?

[A]

Yeah. No, I mean, I'll be honest with you. I. I'm not a big banger of muck. Right. I'm not into that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But for whatever reason, and this is just. Listen. This is the content that shows up sometimes in my Tick tock. But. But this one I don't mind. For some reason, it's.

[B]

I need to hear this. I don't know what he's talking about, so I'm glad we're learning this.

[A]

I don't. Sometimes my. You know, your algorithm goes in and out of things sometimes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But when I get to food, it always kind of circles back to. To black women just eating the shit out of, like, crab legs and dipping it in a bowl. That is the biggest bowl I've ever seen.

[B]

Biggest bowl of that you've ever seen. Also the most butter that has ever been in a bowl. Dude, I will say this. I'll give.

[A]

Black women have that fucking market. Corner.

[B]

Corner. In a.

[A]

In a scared little corner.

[B]

Absolutely. Please. Before, as I was saying, I can't see people eating that food. It's disgusting. That's the exception.

[A]

Asians have the noodles. They crush noodles. Dude. I'm saying the mukbang. The mukbang tiptoe.

[B]

I'm not tiptoeing ever so lightly.

[A]

Every single time.

[B]

If I see a black woman dog and crab, I'm pumped.

[A]

But then. So there's these. So I don't. I don't understand what's going on in the video because I can't read any of the language. Whatever. But it's usually these tiny Asian women, and they eat the most food. And then there's big eggs. There's like seven eggs. And she eats all the eggs, too.

[B]

A lot of eggs.

[A]

Where does it go?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

How is she eating all that?

[B]

I don't know, dude. I do not know. But.

[A]

And I love the little. They have a. Like a scoop spoon.

[B]

The ones like. You get it like a.

[A]

Like, I love those things.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I hear what you're saying. Those. I've stolen a couple of those spoons. I'll be honest.

[A]

Crazy. But I don't really know what. The whites have cornered racism. No, no. In mukbang.

[B]

Oh. And mukbanging.

[A]

I don't think.

[B]

I mean, clearly. Hot dogs. Look at Joey Chestnut. This dude, he's got hot. He's got hot dogs. He's got hot dogs begging for life. That's true. What I'm saying. Yeah. You know, but I gotta admit, I'm. I'm like. A little part of me is just, like, proud of nicocado. Avocado.

[A]

A little. Anyone who loses fucking £200. That's, like, insane.

[B]

Dude. I was one of those people just like, yo, this guy is, like, killing himself for our entertainment. Yeah.

[A]

And not even.

[B]

I'm not, like, watching it. So, like, I imagine his fan base.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And now he's just like. But I will say this. The whole, like, I'm one step ahead. Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why are you being dramatic?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't need the theatrics. That's from me. King Theatric.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. That is. That is from him. That's a big statement coming from you.

[B]

You just don't need it there. Like, oh, you. You're supposed to be spooky or cool.

[A]

Yeah. You're, like, whispering and making, like, your Darth Vader, like, are you gonna, like, kill us?

[B]

Oh, you brought it up.

[A]

Darth Vader.

[B]

Yeah. RIP our boy.

[A]

Oh, James O. Jones.

[B]

Literally, as I left here, I heard it other day. I was very upset. Crazy, that guy's voice. Yeah, don't. That was my impression.

[A]

That was horrible. It was. We do have some sponsors for today. We can't. We can't get out of here without talking about them, so let's just do that real quick. We have hello, Stitch Fix. So you want to keep your wardrobe nice and fresh. You can do. So do show with Stitch Fix. Okay. With Stitch Fix, it's like having a personal stylist. You go onto their website, you fill out a style quiz. You tell them, this is the kind of clothes I like to wear. This is the kind of fit. Here's my sizes, blah, blah, blah. And immediately your little stylist goes to work and picks, you know, a box of clothes for you based on the stuff that you like. And it will get shipped to your door, and you only pay for the stuff that you keep. Okay, so a box arrives, and then you pick out all the stuff. Like, okay, I said, I like this kind of shirt or whatever, if you like to wear polos or these kind of patterns or blah, blah, blah. And this is also from brands that you know and love. Over a thousand of them, I believe, that they choose from. But yeah, you just give your size, style, budget preferences, things like that, and then, you know, someone just goes to work for you, pulls out a bunch of stuff, and then, boom, there you have it. Some people don't like going to the mall or shopping. Like, I don't. I'm not a big shopper in stores, to be honest with you. I don't really love it. But, you know, no stores, no stress, makes it easy. So, yeah, make style easy. Get started today@stitch fix.com basement. That is stitch fix.com basement. So go check it out. And, you know, keep that wardrobe fresh, people. And lastly, here we have Kickoff. Okay, Kickoff. Hello. Here we go. Kickoff is a smart, legit credit hack with no catch and no credit check. It's simple. You make online payments, credit bureaus see good behavior, and your credit grows. You sign up in minutes from your phone and start building credit right away. Use autopay to build credit while you sleep and never worry about missing a payment. So it's the number one credit building app out there. It has over 100,000 positive reviews on the App Store, and 98% of them are five stars. So join over a million people Building credit with Kickoff credit today, get your first month for a dollar. That's 80% off the normal price. When you go to getkickoff.com basement today. Okay, that's kickoff without the C. So K I, K O F F.com/basement. You must sign up. You must sign up via getkickoff.com basement to activate the offer. Offer applies to new Kickoff customers. First month only. Subject to approval. Average impact of a 30 point increase in the first month based on Equifax Vantage score 3.0 changes for Kickoff premium customers with starting credit below 600 who made their first on time payment between January 2021 in March 2024. Payment and credit activity outside Kickoff can have an impact on your credit. Terms and conditions may apply. Offer subject to change individual results. Results may vary. Okay, so go enjoy that. What were you talking about?

[B]

We have like out of first. No reason outside of just pure happenstance. Have spoken about tongues on two different occasions in this episode. When were we talking about episode? Talking about our strong tongue. The thing under our tongue. Your tongue? Butt, pussy, whatever you call it on.

[A]

The tongue and Parasite.

[B]

Parasite. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And now we're talking about Nakata.

[B]

Yeah. Remember? And like they would remember, like we were around but like they would always say like in ancient Egypt they would like cut off people's tongues when they wouldn't talk and stuff like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy, right?

[A]

It's also gross. I feel like the tongue would bleed a lot.

[B]

Well, yeah, I don't think they're doing it for.

[A]

Yeah, you gotta be crazy to be able to like cut a tongue off or a finger off. Like if I needed to cut my finger off because. To save my life or something.

[B]

What finger you going with?

[A]

Pinks? I was gonna say maybe the ring finger.

[B]

I would say that, you know, not my wedding ring finger, but like this one. I would. You could take it. I don't give a fuck about it. Even a middle finger. I don't care. I can lose a middle finger if anything.

[A]

Actually, maybe the middle finger.

[B]

Yeah, if anything, it's worse to get flipped off by someone who doesn't have a middle finger there.

[A]

Because just like there's a story, there's a story there. Actually it may be the middle finger.

[B]

I would.

[A]

I don't know, but I don't think I could do it cuz I'd be grossed out.

[B]

I'd be like both middle. I mean you wouldn't saw it, Joe. You'd have to just like size it, you know, make it like, one big swell, one big old swing, you know, just like that and just poof. Ow. Why did I do.

[A]

I don't know. Yeah, I think so. You would have to just, like, slam it. Middle finger, right?

[B]

Yeah, I'd lose a middle finger, but.

[A]

I would be grossed out. Like, I don't want to look at it, like, patch it up and then I'm good.

[B]

Oh, like, you wouldn't want to see your severed finger. Oh, I'd want to see and just be like, bye, bye, bye, buddy.

[A]

I would keep it in, like, a glass case above the mantle.

[B]

Oh, you already have a. Here lies my fucking middle finger.

[A]

Yeah. You know, you just lean on it and drink whiskey and look at your old finger.

[B]

This is gonna sound fucking stupid, but, like, I get sentimental with stuff like that, you know?

[A]

Fingers.

[B]

Well, like, my own stuff. You know what I mean? Like, go. Like, if I, like, get rid of a pair of socks or something, I'm just like, damn, like, what have those socks been through?

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, I do. I really, really do.

[A]

We're very opposite when it comes to that.

[B]

We are. And I've noticed Becca's like. You, like, Becca's just like, I'll throw everything.

[A]

I love throwing shit out.

[B]

Well, she. She keeps stuff that are sentimental, but, like, there's other. Like, I know I'm over the top with it. You know what I mean? Like, it's an issue for me.

[A]

Do you keep all of, like, your birthday and Christmas cards and stuff?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You have all of them?

[B]

Most, I'm sure.

[A]

So how do you. How do you decide which ones to throw out?

[B]

I don't.

[A]

You just said most.

[B]

I've accidentally lost some. Like or miss. It's not like I like, actively go, like, all right, this one is making the cut.

[A]

So a random uncle sends you a card.

[B]

You have that Probably. Yeah, I just. I just. You know, it's also weird too. Like, I remember this might not make any sense to you because you don't care for your, like, grandparents, but I like, I remember my grandparents. Like, my grandmother's handwriting was fucking, like a work of art.

[A]

Unbelievable.

[B]

Old people, like, handwriting used to be art because they'd get beat in school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And beat at home.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. Pretty much beat anywhere they went. Exactly. But now, like, you think about it, do you have anything with your grandparents handwriting on it?

[A]

Like, my. I've seen stuff. Like, my mom has it, but, like, that's unbelievable. My mom has unbelievable handwriting.

[B]

My mom, it's like a typewriter. My dad, on the other hand, the dumbest handwriting I've ever.

[A]

I've never seen my dad use a lowercase letter in his life.

[B]

My dad's handwriting is also huge, massive.

[A]

And like, my dad used to sign reports or whatever from school in print capital letters. No signatures. Joe. They'd be like, clearly you wrote this. I'm like, no, my dad's the one, okay? Not me.

[B]

Remember? I don't remember my dad's signature, but my mom is a pretty nice handwriting and. But, like, handwriting is no longer a thing that people care about. Like, which is crazy. It is kind of crazy. I will say. Maybe I'm being an old bastard here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, like, have nice handwriting, people.

[A]

It is fair to say, right? We agree that you shouldn't. Teachers shouldn't be beating children, and parents probably should not be beating their kids at home.

[B]

We agree.

[A]

But in a world where there's a lot of beating going on of children, there's amazing handwriting, better handwriting. So, yeah, the penmanship versus the beating.

[B]

They went in the right direction together. Now, listen, correlation may not mean causation, but we don't know until we test.

[A]

It out where I'm going to choose to believe that if you do hit your child, they have better handwriting.

[B]

Possibly. I'm not gonna go that far, but.

[A]

I'm not gonna go that far either, because Keith was hit and his handwriting sucks. It looks like if I'm using my left hand and I'm drunk and my eyes are closed.

[B]

Gotcha. Okay, but, like, do you ever think about that? Like, one day you won't have. Like, these people will be gone.

[A]

Who? Oh, they're really good handwriting people.

[B]

Well, not just. I'm saying, in your life. Oh, one day your aunts and uncles and parents will be gone. And, like, do you have anything with their handwriting on it to, like. Because that's like a piece of history. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, so, like, that's one of the reasons I hold on to this stuff just as, like, a keepsake, you know? But, like, Becca one day pulled out a letter that she had from her grandmother, and she was like, I will never get rid of this because it's the only piece of handwriting I have. And I was like, damn, that's like, that's cool. That's like, I'm gonna cry. You know what I mean? Like, that's. That's. That's awesome. I'm like, I hope my kids are like that one day. Like, they want to keep something with my handwriting.

[A]

With your dog shit handwriting.

[B]

I have better handwriting than you.

[A]

They're like, did a bird write this?

[B]

I will say this. I will say this. You do have very nice, big, fat, bubbly letters, but overall, my handwriting is way cooler than yours.

[A]

Are you drunk and high?

[B]

Oh, I'm very serious. We could test this bitch right now if you want me to. Grab that.

[A]

If yours is cooler, what does that mean?

[B]

I just think I have cooler handwriting. It's more memorable. Yours is just like. Oh, who wrote that? Fucking a typewriter. Mine has personality. What does yours have, Joey? It's a very good way of thinking about it. All right, I'm gonna get this, and I'm gonna show you what my handwriting. Sure. Okay. And you're gonna show me what yours looks like.

[A]

Okay, but where are we writing?

[B]

You can write whatever word you feel so comfortable writing.

[A]

Any word. Not any word. Okay.

[B]

All right. We're both gonna write the word.

[A]

Write down your favorite slur.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

What are we writing?

[B]

Write down the word friend. Okay, seriously, like, not trying to, like, do anything different. Just write down the word friend.

[A]

I'm gonna. Are you gonna play by those rules?

[B]

Of course I will.

[A]

My handwriting has personality.

[B]

No, it does. Seriously. Way cooler than you are. Oh, look at your white rice handwriting, you fucking banana.

[A]

What's this? You stupid fucking idiot.

[B]

That's how I read my ass. You're an idiot. Yes. You are not an idiot. And fuck you, I'm not an idiot.

[A]

Whack.

[B]

Write the word. Write the word matrimony.

[A]

Frank, give me a word that I could spell. Matrimony. How did you get to that word?

[B]

Write the word.

[A]

Matrimony.

[B]

Write the word pikachu. Okay, look at how cool my pikachu is. And look at how just fucking, like. Like salt and pepper yours is.

[A]

You said, don't do anything different, and then you're over here attaching three, four letters together.

[B]

No, no, Joey, this is not. This is not me trying different. That's legit how I write, and you know that, too. You've known me long enough. Like, if I were to write, give me another word to write, and I'll write it right here. And I won't, like, do anything doctored. You'll see me write it.

[A]

Go quartet. Well, Padre.

[B]

What?

[A]

Padre.

[B]

Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Bitch. What do you have? Hold on. Let's watch Joey write his Pikachu. A lot of silence here. Pikachu.

[A]

What's. What's. What's the ending letter that you wrote there? Because that's not a. I don't know why you added this thing to you.

[B]

This is Joey's dumbass fucking bitch ass handwriting. And that's mine.

[A]

You're a player. You're just a hater.

[B]

Seasoning.

[A]

Seasoning.

[B]

I'm not a hater.

[A]

You're a hater with stupid handwriting.

[B]

That's what I think. It bounced back at me. Karma.

[A]

Because you are rubber. I know I'm rubber. You're glue. Whatever you.

[B]

Whatever. Frank. Where can they find you on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media? Go check out the Patreon. Patreon.com the basement yard. Continue to support us. And then, folks, go check out the basement yard on all forms of social media. We love all the love and support and engagement that we get on that. So keep it up, Joey, right back at you.

[A]

Yeah, go follow me at Joe Santigado on all platforms and then go follow the show at the basement yard on Tick Tock and Instagram.

[B]

I'm writing your Pikachu.

[A]

Yeah, okay. And honestly, you talk a lot of shit about my handwriting, but I want to say one thing. I remember like clear as fucking day. It was one of the first days of school in second grade and you got screamed at by Ms. Macchio because.

[B]

Everything in bubble letters.

[A]

We had to write down the homework and he was doing it in bubble letters and she walked over and flamed you.

[B]

Yeah, well, cuz I'm.

[A]

What do you think? We're all just gonna wait for you to be done?

[B]

I like to be inventive. I like to be fun, playful, happy. What do you like, Joey? Mr. Fucking Typewriter? Fuck you and your handwriting. I'm sorry. I love you.

[A]

You see the way that he speaks to me? This is abuse.

[B]

This is not.

[A]

I'm abusive.

[B]

It's not abuse.

[A]

I'm being abuse.

[B]

It's not. It's love.

[A]

I'm being abused. But you guys can go follow me at Joe Sandigan. I'll go follow the show at TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time.

[B]

Later.