#474 - School Supplies Get Me Goin'!

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard - Episode #474: "School Supplies Get Me Goin'!"

Release Date: October 28, 2024
Host: Santagato Studios (Joe Santagato)
Episode Title: School Supplies Get Me Goin'!

---

Introduction

In Episode #474 of The Basement Yard, host Joe Santagato dives into a nostalgic and humorous discussion centered around school experiences, particularly focusing on school supplies. The episode is a blend of playful banter, personal anecdotes, and lively reminiscing that captures the essence of childhood and educational memories.

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1. Opening Banter and Academic Conversations ([00:00] - [02:22])

The episode kicks off with Joe and his co-host engaging in light-hearted conversation about each other's sweatshirts, segueing into a discussion about academic subjects, specifically geometry.

• Joe: "It's an ombre. I don't know if that's right." ([00:31])
• Co-host: "A gradient is like exponential. So you have, like, a parabola of hair color." ([01:00])

This segment sets a casual and friendly tone, highlighting their chemistry and camaraderie.

---

2. Academic Prowess and School Experiences ([02:22] - [07:24])

The conversation shifts to their academic backgrounds, with the co-host sharing his advanced placement in mathematics during his school years.

• Co-host: "I went to Baccalaureate for 7 to 10th grade, and everything we learned was a year and a half ahead." ([02:16])

They discuss the challenges and achievements in math, touching upon high school and college experiences, including the co-host being recruited as a math major.

• Co-host: "I was a math whiz out of high school. I got offered a free ride to Queens College because they had an incredible math teaching program." ([04:22])

This segment underscores their academic dedication and the pressures that come with being high achievers.

---

3. Memories of School Supplies and Anecdotes ([07:24] - [27:52])

Joe and his co-host reminisce about various school supplies and the associated memories, bringing in a mix of humor and nostalgia.

• Co-host: "What's up with those Asian jelly cups, give us some cups." ([30:52])
• Joe: "I almost choked on it trying to kill it." ([29:26])

They delve into specific items like pencil cases, crayons, hole punches, and specialized pens, each triggering a flood of shared memories and funny incidents from their school days.

• Joe: "I used to love that too, because they came with the cartridges. Like, yo, you gotta load up your pencil." ([31:19])
• Co-host: "We talked about this recently. It was a big square wooden board with lines and a machete." ([39:36])

These discussions not only highlight the importance of seemingly mundane school items but also illustrate how these objects became integral parts of their childhood adventures and mishaps.

---

4. Relationship with Tiffany and School Friendships ([27:52] - [37:21])

The conversation shifts to their relationships with a girl named Tiffany, exploring themes of friendship and childhood interactions.

• Joe: "This girl Tiffany that we're talking about, we were barely friends and haven't spoken in 20 years." ([28:11])
• Co-host: "She had all the cool stuff, like different types of pens and Asian jellies." ([29:52])

They discuss how Tiffany introduced them to various school supplies and snacks, emphasizing the lasting impact of these friendships.

• Co-host: "She introduced me to the artistic pens that are like black markers used for calligraphy." ([28:58])

This segment underscores the influence of peer relationships in shaping their school experiences and preferences.

---

5. Asian Snacks and Cultural References ([37:21] - [41:35])

Joe and his co-host delve into their favorite Asian snacks from their childhood, particularly focusing on Asian jelly cups and boba tea.

• Joe: "There is something about an abundance of pencils and batteries that gets me going." ([19:04])
• Co-host: "Asian street nuts are unbelievable, go to Flushing." ([41:25])

They humorously debate the authenticity and appeal of these snacks, expressing a strong preference for traditional Asian treats over their American counterparts.

• Co-host: "Asian street nuts, Asian street nuts. Unbelievable." ([41:24])

This discussion highlights their cultural ties and the unique flavors that hold a special place in their memories.

---

6. Reflections on School Projects and Creativity ([36:03] - [37:15])

The hosts reminisce about school projects, such as using poster boards and creating presentations with Word Art, blending creativity with schoolwork.

• Joe: "We make poster boards with introduction, hypothesis, study, conclusion in sick Word Art." ([36:39])
• Co-host: "The triangular cheese brushes were my favorite." ([36:48])

They share humorous takes on their past school projects, illustrating the blend of creativity and chaos that often accompanies educational assignments.

---

7. Closing Remarks and Future Topics ([61:00] - [62:41])

As the episode wraps up, Joe and his co-host acknowledge that they didn't cover all intended topics but express excitement for future discussions.

• Joe: "We've talked about nothing we wanted to talk about, but we have more." ([61:27])
• Co-host: "Asian Jelly Cups. Done." ([61:33])

They hint at upcoming topics and maintain their playful dynamic, ensuring listeners are left anticipating more engaging content.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Joe: "I think there's something criminal about an abundance of pencils and batteries." ([19:04])
• Co-host: "Asian street nuts are calling. Honestly, right now." ([41:25])
• Joe: "We did not talk a single second about anything we wanted to talk about." ([61:27])

---

Conclusion

Episode #474 of The Basement Yard is a nostalgic journey through school memories, enriched with humor and heartfelt reflections. Joe Santagato and his co-host offer listeners a relatable and entertaining exploration of the everyday items that shaped their educational experiences. From academic achievements to beloved school supplies and cherished friendships, the episode captures the essence of growing up and the lasting impressions left by these formative years.

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Additional Information:

For those interested in joining the Basement Yard community, including supporting the podcast through Patreon or following on social media, visit their official channels:

• Patreon: patreon.com/thebasementyard
• YouTube: Basement Yard YouTube Channel
• Social Media: Follow Joe Santagato on all major platforms for updates and behind-the-scenes content.

Enjoy more episodes and dive deeper into the conversations that make The Basement Yard a top contender in the podcasting world.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Don't give me that look.

[B]

No, no, no. I'm trying to figure out your sweatshirt right now. Is it like.

[A]

It's not to be figured out.

[B]

It's. It. It is to be figured out. This isn't a puzzle. It's. It's not a puzzle, but it is a trick.

[A]

Yours is more of a trick than mine.

[B]

Mine is. Mine is lines, but it's like stripes.

[A]

They're like.

[B]

They are interlocking.

[A]

It's like a zip.

[B]

No, but, like, is yours, like, supposed to be, like, two toned like that, or is it just shining, shimmering, splendid?

[A]

No, it's an ombre. I don't know if that's right.

[B]

Fuck is that? What am I? Hair?

[A]

You know.

[B]

You know, I. I'm married to a woman. You think I don't understand what an ombre is? I don't. I'll be honest.

[A]

I think it's just a blend.

[B]

I think it's just like hair, one color to another color.

[A]

A gradient.

[B]

Okay, but you don't know what a gradient. I. But a gradient is a.

[A]

A gradient. Like when it, like, it progressively.

[B]

Like, it's like exponential. So you have, like, a parabola of hair color.

[A]

I don't know why you're choosing to make this harder than it is. I also definitely did.

[B]

No, I remember parabolas. I do.

[A]

But I did fail that.

[B]

Really? Geometry order?

[A]

No, my math. So that was in high school.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my math averages, I remember were like 88, 92, 61. Oh, 85. And like, the 61 was when parabolas.

[B]

Parabola. I like parabola. I was a big parabola guy. Love sine and cosine waves and tangents. Tangents, you know? But I love parabolas. Love exponents. The way they just kind of go up like a. Like a hill. It's pretty cool.

[A]

I didn't fuck with that. But you know what? I fucked with the TI83 calculator, dude.

[B]

I was just to do this, Yo, I broke. I'm gonna. I fucking hacked school, okay? I figured it out. You figured school out?

[A]

How'd you figure it out?

[B]

What'd you do? Well, because I went to Baccalaureate for 7 to 10th grade, and everything that we learned was, like a year and a half ahead of what traditional public schools were learning. So, like, what you're referencing, like, all that's, like, advanced geometry and stuff like that I had learned in, like, seventh, going into eighth grade. Like, we learned it quickly. And.

[A]

One second, one second.

[B]

If you Let me. If you let me. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

If you let me.

[A]

Tell us, Mr. Advanced Albert Einstein, first of all.

[B]

And I was. I was a fucking whiz with that calculator. I also had games on mine, so they'd be like, what are you doing? Like, I'm doing such hard work. Yes. Fucking snake and shit like that. I had other games on there though, too. I knew a kid that had fucking like a version of like, Super Mario on there and shit like that. What there was. Yo, you could plug some shit in.

[A]

Japanese. Was he Japanese?

[B]

He wasn't Not Japanese.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

He could have been Korean, could have been Chinese.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Could have been another part of. You know, they're just.

[A]

They're just. What's the word? They're innovative, bro.

[B]

They're so like, video games. I mean, Nintendo, it's Japanese.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

But what did Nintendo start off as? Do you know this?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Before it was video games, you know? Do you remember what Nintendo was before? Oh, yes. What? It was Socks. No.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Trading cards. A lot of people don't know that. There you go. Now you're all advanced along with me.

[A]

Nintendo made trading cards.

[B]

Yeah, they did. But, like, in. What were they?

[A]

What was on the cards?

[B]

Like, Japanese stuff. I'm not quite sure. Oh, okay. I'm not quite sure. But so we learned it all. So when I left and went to a New York City public school, when I went to Bryant, I was ahead. So, like, I appeared way smarter to.

[A]

My classmates because you had already learned it. So it's like, oh, now are you doing it for the system?

[B]

So I hacked. I hacked the system. So then they were just like, whoa, wait a sec. How are you? And I'm just like, I'm good. I had learned it two years, maybe a year and a half before.

[A]

So the hack is, go to a school that's ahead.

[B]

Leave it. Yeah.

[A]

And then regress.

[B]

Well, I didn't regress because I did one year and like, the. You know, with like, the normies.

[A]

Well, you regressed academically.

[B]

No, because then I went right into repeating math. I went to right into calculus, bitch. Okay, so I didn't fucking regress. Don't even do that. They also did the same thing in college to boost my gpa. I retook, bro. College. College. The first year of college, maybe even the first two years of college, is just the last two years of high school all over again.

[A]

I wouldn't know you're right.

[B]

But like, so I remember. Did I ever tell you that I got. I got, like, recruited by my school to be a math major?

[A]

Explain this.

[B]

I. Yo, they sat you down? Yes. I got math scouts. I got a letter in the mail because.

[A]

Were you good at math?

[B]

Dude, I was a math whiz dude out of high school. I got offered, like, a free ride to Queens College because they had, like, an incredible math teaching program. Didn't want to do it because I don't want to go sit in a car and look at this fence and be like, oh, my God, my life can be something. Okay, Jokes on me.

[A]

Cuz you sat in a parking lot and smoked cigars and looked at Target. So I think, yeah, maybe should have went with the fucking math.

[B]

Yeah, whatever.

[A]

Could have worked on a rocket ship.

[B]

Yeah, it's okay.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

But I got everyone at my school, at college, you have, like, a dedicated mailbox. And one time out of the random, I got an email saying, like, oh, you have mail in your mailbox. I was like, what the fuck? And it was from my school, from the head of the math department. And he's like, yo, come call me. Let's set up a meeting. I want to talk to you about potential opportunity.

[A]

This is kind of like how Harry got into Hogwarts. Like, a letter just arrives.

[B]

Well, that was way more magical than mine.

[A]

Was it stamped with, like, that ink?

[B]

Mine was from, like, some random white guy. His was from Dumbledore. Dude. But did it have wax? Like a wax stamp? No, it was just a regular, Bro, if it had a wax stamp on.

[A]

It, I'm not opening it.

[B]

I'm not keeping it. One of our friends, I think that's. Maybe it wasn't Espo. Someone recently sent us something with a wax stamp on it. I was just like, damn, I don't want to touch this.

[A]

It's probably Espos wedding invitation.

[B]

Might have been, but. But wax.

[A]

Wax stamp.

[B]

Wax stamp. Cool, dude. And like the melting of the wax and then the stamp. Orgasmic mad. Let me tell you.

[A]

Like watching that in movies where there's like.

[B]

I also love watching the guys that dip the wine bottles in wax. I love that.

[A]

And they're like, yeah, yeah. And sometimes they get a little deep. They got dirty.

[B]

Dirty. I want to shove my hand in boiling wax.

[A]

I don't want to shove it in.

[B]

Boiling wax, but, like, wax.

[A]

I mean, I definitely have, like, put my hand in wax, but, like, not full hand. Dude.

[B]

What? Someone once gave me a wax. Oh, man, you're gonna hate what?

[A]

Dildo?

[B]

No, no, bro, I don't know. Why would you go? Remember I was in day camp. I was Spider Man.

[A]

Yes, I remember when you were Spider Man.

[B]

Yeah. So they went to, like, one of those places where you can, like, dip your hand in ice and then dip it immediately in a wax to make, like, a. Like a wax hand mold. And they did the Spider man thing for me, and I had it for a long time. And then it must have melted.

[A]

It was like your little hand.

[B]

It wasn't mine. It was. Someone else made it for me. One of our, like, counselors.

[A]

Wow, you're big time Spider Man.

[B]

I told you, brother, I was Spider Man. But, yeah, so he sat me down and he's just like, listen, you're math. You're like. You are clearly, like, very good at this. You understand it. And. And I do. Like, I always was really good at math.

[A]

It's like a goodwill hunting moment.

[B]

Yeah. But, like, not as fun, you know?

[A]

Like, and definitely not as smart. Let's just.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Have you seen the movie?

[B]

Not in a long time, but he was just a smart white kid.

[A]

I mean, but he was.

[B]

He was solving things because he was a janitor. That's why people thought he was way smarter. Because he was a janitor.

[A]

No, he was actually solving problems that, like, the professors and, like.

[B]

Because he was cleaning up the professor's room, Joey. That's why. Because he's a janitor?

[A]

Yeah. You haven't seen the movie?

[B]

Not in a while.

[A]

You don't know the plot.

[B]

But he was like, we would really like to make you, like, a. You could double major or you can be just a math major. And I was just like, well, what? You know, I asked them the questions. And then, of course, I got down to brass tacks. I was like, all right, well, what are you gonna do for me?

[A]

I was gonna ask, like, what do they get out of you doing that?

[B]

I guess it just, like, if there are no major. Like, if there are, like, offices for different, you know, curriculums at schools and no one uses them, they'll just go under like that. No one will use them. And they'll get less funding and shit like that. Like, so they want people to do it so they can be like, oh, shit, we have people.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I said. I was like, all right, what are you gonna do for me, bitch? I didn't say the bitch part.

[A]

You definitely didn't. I didn't set it in a very nice way.

[B]

I did. I was just like, all right, well, like, what are you gonna do? And he was just like, we have no money. No one is a math major at this school.

[A]

Perfect.

[B]

And I was like, all right, so now you're not getting.

[A]

Anybody can squeeze like a six pack out of this or something.

[B]

Six pack would have been sick. I'll be honest with you.

[A]

I would have took it for a.

[B]

Six pack, but I was more into 40s at that point in time.

[A]

Makes sense.

[B]

Why? Why are we not, like, why aren't 40s cooler than, like, why don't people realize how cool A40 is?

[A]

The homeless, they know. But yeah, I don't. I don't know.

[B]

When's the last time you drank a 40?

[A]

Probably at your house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Underage.

[B]

Yeah, I can't.

[A]

I can't remember. We should do that though. Let's get an Edward forty Hands.

[B]

Edward forty Hands episode.

[A]

I know you love tape and I know you love 40s, so, like, we should probably.

[B]

I do love tape. Although it needs to be 40s from like. Someone should send us beer.

[A]

The fuck Send Frank. They're $4.

[B]

Well, what's the last time you bought a 40? They might be more expensive now.

[A]

Back then they were like a $50.

[B]

That's why we were buying them. They were $2 actually.

[A]

First of all, that's like a steal. The biggest steal.

[B]

That's why I'm saying, like, people were talking shit about 40s.

[A]

I love them back then, bro.

[B]

40 in 2008. We were underage. We could say it.

[A]

I had no respect for myself, so that's why I was like, I'm just going to duct tape beer to my.

[B]

Hands and drink them and maybe piss your pants, right? Dude, I know someone that did Edward 40 hands got so drunk that they tried to do push ups with it and the fucking bottle broke.

[A]

Whoever you know who did that is a fucking idiot. What did they think was going to happen?

[B]

Oh, they didn't get cut though, surprisingly.

[A]

That's shocking.

[B]

Yeah, I was really shocked by that.

[A]

But wow, here we are.

[B]

How are you? How you doing?

[A]

I'm good. I'm doing swell. How are you?

[B]

Good. You look great, honestly.

[A]

You look great too.

[B]

Thank you so much. Just two good looking boys that are really benefiting from the world. What was that? Just.

[A]

What did we just do?

[B]

I just got small talk. I got validation, babe.

[A]

Is that small talk?

[B]

I've got validation.

[A]

What would you grade your small talk?

[B]

I'm a great small talker, but like, where are we? I will say this A to F. I would say I'm an A, maybe even an A minus. I don't know anyone that's an A lord, an A.

[A]

Maybe an A minor.

[B]

I mean, you can make an argument okay, but like, I could even see being an A plus. But right now, right? My social battery's a little spent right now.

[A]

You're pretty good, I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

Thanks. You hate small talk.

[A]

I'm not great at it.

[B]

You are good at it. You just don't like it.

[A]

I'm like, in certain if I'm by myself, then I think I'm really good.

[B]

Yeah, because most of the small talk you have are just lies about yourself.

[A]

No, that also depends where I am.

[B]

You were like a scientist.

[A]

I don't do that all the time, but it is fun to see how.

[B]

Your acting chops are just like, just test it out.

[A]

Like if you're at a bar and a person that you don't really care to talk to anyway is like, oh, hey. And you're like, oh, I'm Kevin. Like, you just, you know, like, who cares?

[B]

The last time. I think I shouldn't say last time. The only time I've done that was in like Vegas. And it was the one. The first year. Me, you, Espo. Like all of us went. Not like the big crew, you know, the smaller crew. And I was like a 22 year old FBI secret agent named like, you know, something like Quincy, you know, Stevenson or something.

[A]

You went to. You were 22 and you told people that you worked for the FBI. This kid wants to be Batman so bad. That's unbelievable stuff.

[B]

You know what's funny?

[A]

You can't lie about your first name anymore.

[B]

You know, it's. I know now. Now I'm screwed now people know me.

[A]

I know.

[B]

But you know what's screwed up? You say, he wants to be Batman. As if you wouldn't want to be fucking Batman either.

[A]

I'd prefer guns. I would just shoot.

[B]

So just be Batman, but with a gun. AKA the Red Hood. Jason Todd. Who? You know, Jason Todd. He was the second Batman. Excuse me? The second Robin behind Dick Grayson and right, right before Tim Drake. No, not ringing a bell. You don't remember that Death in the Family comic?

[A]

I stopped listening at Red Robin. Was that fast food back then?

[B]

Red Hood. Red Hood.

[A]

Red Hood.

[B]

But I am. I feel a sen. I have received the validation that I've been looking for, quite frankly, my whole life. And no, not for my dad. From a more important person. Who's that? The Internet.

[A]

Oh, got it. You think the Internet is a boy or a girl?

[B]

It's a Boy, dude. Because it's just. It's annoying as hell. It's annoying, it's obnoxious. People want to get the fuck. And people are just like, shut up, you idiot.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

It swears. It knows everything here.

[A]

I see what you're doing. You saved it by saying no.

[B]

That's what I. That. That was my answer. The whole fucking save.

[A]

Boy. But then talk negatively about it.

[B]

Yeah, because it sucks, dude.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

If the Internet was a girl, it'd be way nicer, dude. Way nicer. Are you kidding me?

[A]

I was gonna say.

[B]

Yeah, come on.

[A]

I think women are generally more nice.

[B]

Significant guys don't know how to be nice because society told us that being nice is weak. You fucking pussy.

[A]

Yeah, but also, it's like, I don't know. I don't know why, but, like. I don't know. I think, like. And also innately, like, women just have more compassion.

[B]

And you could also blame it because if they feel like they don't be nice that they're gonna get murdered.

[A]

Back in the day.

[B]

Yeah. Back in the now. Right here, right now.

[A]

What if they're not? Oh, yeah. No, there are times.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's like. What did you say?

[A]

I don't mean to like, you know, I'm not. We're not.

[B]

Go do it. Do it.

[A]

No, no, I just want to. I'm not trying to like.

[B]

You are, cuz.

[A]

I'm not trying to go overboard with like, men suck type of things. Whatever. But here's what I will say, bro. Can you imagine? Can you imagine being a woman and going on a first date?

[B]

Oh, no, I'm carrying. Oh, hell no.

[A]

First of all, if I got anxiety, bro, I can't.

[B]

I gotta be. I gotta be honest with you. Like, ladies, how have you ever in your life even considered doing a blind date with some part of me think. Ever, dude, ever.

[A]

Yo, part of me is like, what's wrong with you? To be like, yeah, I'm just gonna go. Like, that's so wild. Because. I mean, maybe it's because I watch too much, like, murder.

[B]

Murder stuff. There's murder stuff out there.

[A]

So, like, I just can't, you know? And I've been in like. You know, you drive by places in, like, Ubers in Manhattan and like, a girl and her friend are walking by someplace and then dudes are just appearing like shadows and just being like, oh, hey.

[B]

And you're like, yeah, I'd be mad scared. Oh, my God.

[A]

Ever walk through dudes at a construction site?

[B]

Are you kidding me? I walked, I walked on. I worked on a construction site, baby.

[A]

So you've whistled.

[B]

No, I'm not a catcaller, obviously.

[A]

Actually, have you called cats?

[B]

I'm like, when we were teenagers, catcall. What's okay to catcall? Meow.

[A]

That's not even what I was asking. No one was asking you to impersonate.

[B]

I'm saying, like when we were teenagers, I don't know if you remember this, but like when we were teenagers, we would be like at like, let's use Roosevelt Field Mall as an example. And if we would see a good looking girl, one of our friends is going, hey, yo. And then like fucking like duck and be terrified.

[A]

Yeah, I don't remember that.

[B]

It wasn't like. I'm sure I've done that at points in time. But like, never. Never like the fucking, you know, like the cartoon example of like the guy at the hard house, like, listen up, sweetie. I get jackhammer something for you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What do you think is going to come out of that? Also, you think this woman is going to be like, I am so impressed with your confidence, you fat fucking slob, that I am going to stop everything I'm doing to give you my undivided attention, bro.

[A]

Also, I'm just. Is no one afraid of women?

[B]

I'm scared they're gonna kill you.

[A]

No, I'm scared to be like, hi. I can't imagine being like, you're so beautiful.

[B]

And I wanna. I would never. Well, when there's the fucking peanut galleries watching this guy and he's, you know, he's like, listen, I'm gonna pour concrete and then I'm gonna see a girl and you guys watch what I say, okay? Yeah, it's. I don't know. It's scary, bro. Going on a first date is too much murder.

[A]

Too much murder. I couldn't, I couldn't.

[B]

I mean, and especially now we know a lot more about murder now.

[A]

I would need eyes. I would need. I would definitely need like backup.

[B]

Just like people in like the bushes with like binoculars and stuff like that.

[A]

When we used to spy on our friends going on dates, I would need.

[B]

That we would follow.

[A]

I'm gonna go meet up with this girl at the park. I'm like, okay, cool. And then they'd leave and then we.

[B]

Would take the long way. We would follow them and stare at them. And then we would do. If you remember this, we would like see them like, you know, like say, you know, one of our friends was like walking the girl home or something, like, that they would stop at the corner and it looks like they were either gonna like go in for a kiss or something and then we would just walk out into the street and just. Yeah, like fucking idiots and just completely. I love this story so much. And I. We've spoken about it before. I don't remember how true it is, but it's one of the funniest stories I've ever heard where we had a kid in our friend group that walked a girl home and like so badly wanted to, like, he had a big crush on her and wanted her to have a crush on him. And like, allegedly. I really hope it's true. He, like, went in to kiss and she like, moved out of the way and he like stumbled forward and like 50 pencils fell out of his.

[A]

50 pencils? That's kind of wild. That's just being a kid. Also, when you said 50 pencils, that did something to me. I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

Oh, like the good pencils, like the nice rubbery erasers.

[A]

This is gonna sound weird and I don't mean to transition. We're making very hard transitions right now. But I'm gonna do it again. There is something about an abundance of pencils and batteries that gets me going.

[B]

Like, horny going, yes and no.

[A]

Like, not no.

[B]

I gotta be honest with you. I have a lot of questions because there are a ton of batteries out there.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And if you're just doing this fucking show half ass all the time, think.

[A]

About, think about this. Think about this. Okay? Your remote doesn't have batteries. You're like, oh, we gotta order more batteries. These are the last ones we have. Then you order a hundred, right? And then you open the box and you're like, I have a hundred batteries. Like, this is gonna last. I can fucking power everything.

[B]

You have the battery daddy or whatever it's called. Or like the Caddy daddy or whatever.

[A]

Fuck are you talking.

[B]

You don't know?

[A]

Is that a dildo?

[B]

Oh, yes. Well, it's a dildo for dads, which I guess is just. Just a regular dildo.

[A]

Yeah, it's just.

[B]

But it's a giant. It looks like a briefcase and it is just meant for batteries.

[A]

That's fire.

[B]

Dude, you're gonna be fucking soaked the minute you see this. Yeah, dude. And it's like, it has the cutouts just for double A's, just for triple A's. You could throw C's in there.

[A]

Is it like padding? Like a gun case?

[B]

It's see through. Dude, you've never seen this Thing.

[A]

Oh, I have seen that.

[B]

I had my fucking mother in law got me one last year and then she didn't realize it didn't come loaded with batteries. So she spent an absurd amount.

[A]

Yes, I have seen that, dude.

[B]

And it comes with like a little battery tester.

[A]

And then also, bro, tell me you don't like, can someone appreciate like when someone would open their pencil case and it would just be mad neat and would be like 15 pencils all perfect.

[B]

I'm gonna do you one better. I'm gonna do you one. I'm gonna do you one better. When someone would have the 64 pack of Crayola crayons and they would open it up and it was freshly sharpened.

[A]

It's just bleach and it's just. Oh, it's just leeches of fucking awesome crayons. Oh my God, I love.

[B]

And they have all the best colors too. And you're just looking at. And you're just like, oh, I would eat the fuck out of these crayons.

[A]

That's why like, yo, there's something crazy about like because you. Everyone likes back to school shopping.

[B]

It's. It's sexual for you, but that prob.

[A]

Yeah, I think cuz like the first.

[B]

Day of school when you have kids.

[A]

Binder is neat. I open up the.

[B]

And the dividers. And the dividers are clean.

[A]

Post its the little singular post its that you put in books for books.

[B]

Yeah, Joey is gonna be the highlighters hot, bro.

[A]

Forget. Don't get me started on white out. Don't donut fucking start talking about which one.

[B]

The tape. The pen with the squishy that you can do or the. Or the fucking painter. The painter with the sponge.

[A]

The pen can go fuck its mother. I hate that stupid pen. Okay. I hate that fucking pen. The tape though. I love the tape. And of course the little. The swishy swash. The painting mad.

[B]

Now let me ask you, which of the painting was better? The one that had the actual brush on the end or the one that had the sponge? Like the cheese.

[A]

The fucking triangular cheese, baby.

[B]

Yes, that's my shit, yo. I am so fucking with you. I hated the fuck out of the tape because I was just like, who do you think you are? It would like kick and it would kick up at the end and then you had to like push it down with your finger and then you'd get like ink on it. Yeah, I didn't like that shit. The fucking brush, dude. I'll tell you right now, I'd paint.

[A]

A house with that.

[B]

I Would paint. Do you remember we used to paint our footballs with it? Yeah, I would. And don't even get me started on the smell. Yeah, whatever chemicals were in white out, bro.

[A]

Back in 2004, when I had that white out, a part of me wanted to paint my nails. When's the last time I knew everyone would call me gag or something?

[B]

I did that for baseball, first of all.

[A]

I painted my. My.

[B]

Cause you were a catcher. Yeah. What? When's the last time you used whiteout, bro?

[A]

Ms. Pokerman's class, third grade. I don't know. I would love an excuse to have.

[B]

I mean, you do, babe, just start writing stuff more. Why don't you just write stuff more? You have a fucking desk full of pens that you never use and always disappear, right? Just start writing stuff down.

[A]

I start writing stuff out.

[B]

I will. I will say this. You are not wrong. There is when you walk through, like, the, like, three aisles of stationery and Target, it's euphoric, borderline orgasmic. And you see all those pens, and they're just in their box. And then there's like, we'll give you a bonus one. Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, and also they have the really expensive pens that have, like, a diaper on them. And you're like, bro, I love the diaper.

[B]

Oh, like, the. Like, the point of it comes with, like, it's got glue on it. Like.

[A]

No, no, no, no. I'm talking about, like, where you would put your finger. Like, it's got a little diaper.

[B]

Oh, the finger. Squishy.

[A]

Got a fat.

[B]

The finger. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

My fingers mad comfortable. You want a pen that just rolls.

[B]

Oh, you're a roller roll. See, I like the, like, the. Like the precise V7. Like the gel. I like that. I like that. Like that. Yeah, but you want to just a fucking whore of a ballpoint, don't you, bro?

[A]

And Tiffany win.

[B]

She had all the coolest shit.

[A]

She had mad cool.

[B]

Yo, this girl, if she's not famous yet, why we love. We love her, dude.

[A]

Like, but. But I remember Tiffany. She back to the Japanese. Yeah.

[B]

I don't even know if she was Japanese. Yeah, yeah, you're. You know what?

[A]

Before I go down this whole thing, because it might take an hour, we do have some ads, the first one being Squarespace. Squarespace is where you. Where you're gonna want to build all of your websites. Okay? You can buy domains from this, and also you could build your website if you have a small business or you have content or something you want to share. Your website is going to be your first impression impression and if that looks bad, then people may not trust your product or whatever you have that you're selling. But with Squarespace to make it very easy to give yourself a professional looking website doesn't take a lot of time. They have beautiful templates that make it very easy to switch out pictures and text so that you can create a website in a small amount of time and it's ready to go. And also they have a lot of tools that can help you optimize your traffic. You can find out where these people are coming from. So maybe you could spend a little marketing dollars here and there. So this is the place that you're going to do it. I have used other platforms in the past. I can honestly tell you that Squarespace is the best. All the websites that we build through Squarespace, anyone that I know really are making all their websites through Squarespace as well. So if you're making a website, it has to be through here. And we're going to save you some money. You can go to squarespace.com basement right now and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, so that is squarespace.com basement and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Okay, so I want to see those beautiful websites up and running. Let me know. And then we also have stamps.com youm know, it's creeping up. The holidays are getting here. A lot of people are going to be shipping things. And whether you have a small business or not, maybe you send a lot of gifts to your family members and stuff. Stamps.com could save you some money on all the shipping and whatnot. But especially if you're a small business that's making a lot of sales, you know, this is the time of year where people are purchasing a lot. So you're going to be, you know, sending a lot of things out. And stamps.com brings all the services of the post office right to your computer. And all you need is a printer. And then you can buy and print official US postage right in the comfort of your own home at, you know, you don't have to wait in a line, you don't have to drive all the way to the post office or anything like that. You can do it from there. So yeah, no traffic, no waiting. Not only that, not only saving that time, but you're also saving some money because they have rates that you can't find anywhere else, like up to 89% off USPS and UPS rates. So it's, it's saving you time and saving you money. And not only that, but if you Sign [e-mail] and enter the code basement, you get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. That's stamps.com and the code is basement. Okay? So use that. You'll get a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. Okay? So enjoy that, folks.

[B]

You know what else you can enjoy? Patreon. Patreon.com TheBasement Yard Folks, thank you guys so much for the continued support, continued love, and continued growth on Patreon. You guys are consistently putting us in the top 10 in the world. That's right. This whole goddamn rock floating into this black nothingness. We are the top 10 on this bitch. Thank you guys so much. And we're gonna keep growing and we got some stuff in the works to give you guys more content on there. So go check it out. You sign up for that first tier, you get these weekly episodes one week in advance. And then that second tier, well, you, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday, which they're kind of off the walls and I'm. I'm not going to say anything about it. You go watch for yourself and you tell me if I'm wrong or if I'm right. So go to check it [e-mail] the basement yard. Thank you so much for the continued love, growth, support, and we're just going to keep bopping to the top for you guys. All right, Take it easy. To you later.

[A]

Oh, back to Tiffany.

[B]

Oh, yeah, back to Tiffany Wynn.

[A]

So the thing, bro, this. I didn't know that we're going to be talking about school supplies.

[B]

I know. Honestly, we had other stuff and I even made the transition into one of the things I said I wanted to talk about. Don't care about it. Yeah. I don't write into fucking.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, Absolutely.

[A]

There's two things that I do want to talk about. One thing also, just so everyone knows, this girl Tiffany that we're talking about, we were barely friends and haven't spoken.

[B]

To her in 20 years. Way 23.

[A]

Maybe more.

[B]

Yeah, maybe more. She doesn't even know he's doing well. Yeah, I do hope she's doing well.

[A]

Insanely smart. She's probably crushing it, so God bless.

[B]

Well, she was smart in elementary school. She could have. She. Let's be honest, she could have went straight downhill. She might be an idiot. Now we don't know, but we hope she's still smart and we hope she's doing well.

[A]

Yeah. But she introduced me to. Because, you know, you had all different types of pens and blah, blah, blah. And I was already on the ones with a little diaper. And you could even put the ones that had the extra diaper on top of it for the pen. So it's like fucking.

[B]

You're. Yeah. You had loaded diaper of a pen in your hand.

[A]

Crazy. But then she introduced me to those like artistic pension that are like black and it's almost like a marker, but it's thin and it's mad neat and it's like used for like calligraphy.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

And I was like, yo, what? Those are mad expensive.

[B]

She had the best pencil case and the best snacks. I remember she was always coming in with bro. She had the dopest Asian. The jellies. Yes, the jelly. Yo, to this day I do not know. Buy a box of them. Buy the whole company.

[A]

What are those?

[B]

They were like her and fucking Pooja had them. Pooja. Pooja had. Pooja had him. And I asked all the time. I almost died on one.

[A]

She gave me an apple one and I almost choked on it trying to kill it.

[B]

Fuck you, Pooja. Asian jellies, they were like. It was a little cup and it was just a clear jelly and there was just like a piece of fruit in it.

[A]

What the fuck was.

[B]

I was like. It was like a pear or an apple or, you know, like some. Something. Asia, did you just type in Asian jellies?

[A]

Asian jelly cups. Asian jelly cups.

[B]

What are they?

[A]

There was an Asian girl who lives on my block growing up, and she had them too.

[B]

What? Why?

[A]

Why?

[B]

You know, Share with us. We're sorry. We're sorry.

[A]

The Asians had good snacks, man.

[B]

Good snacks. Did you?

[A]

This is like a US Version. This shit is.

[B]

I don't want that shit. I want that shit to be.

[A]

I want the OG fucking. That's not it. That's it. No, those are puddings.

[B]

Disgusting Asian jelly snacks. If I find these. Oh, no. Yeah. It's like Lychee. Lychee.

[A]

Are they.

[B]

Are they lychee?

[A]

Lychee is its own thing. I think.

[B]

I think it's. This is lychee.

[A]

Bro. I think it's these.

[B]

I think it's these.

[A]

I saw those. Where are they?

[B]

Lychee, coconut jelly.

[A]

Funny Hippo. No, that looks like condoms. What am I looking at?

[B]

What the hell? God.

[A]

Guys, if you Google fucking Asian guys.

[B]

Help us find this stop gatekeeping. Asian snack.

[A]

Yeah. Anyone who's Asian is watching this. If you're gatekeeping the jelly cup, give us some cups.

[B]

Yeah, dude. She had all the cool shit. And then she. I remember when she pulled out a container of. She had two different types of pencil lead. She was like, this is the finer. The point five millimeter. Yo, this is the point seven. I was like, tiffany? Yeah.

[A]

I was like, yo, you have a 9 millimeter pencil.

[B]

What is that? She had it all, dude.

[A]

Yo, I used to love that too, because they came with the cartridges. Like, yo, you gotta load up your pencil.

[B]

Yeah, dude. Like it. And then you would put it in and then you would fake do heroin. Fake heroin school was the coolest place. Where else can you fake do heroin with an Asian person's reusable lead pencil?

[A]

What a great time, dude. It's a great time. Oh, God, that was so good. I used to always be, like, injecting.

[B]

Miles did it recently. And I was just like, not heroin. The, like, playing around.

[A]

Hey, man, I figured he was talking about the lead.

[B]

He did it with the pencil. Because I got him from, like, one of the airports. I got him. It looks like a real pencil, but it's just a real. And he did that. He's like, look at this. I was like, good, good. Very good.

[A]

But then someone told me I was gonna get lead poisoning, and, like, yeah.

[B]

I freaked out after Greg got stabbed by a pencil. He still has pencil in his leg or arm or some sh. Like that.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ask him. Greg, he's coming.

[A]

He's screaming. What?

[B]

Come here. Show us your leg.

[A]

Wait, is it his leg? Who stabbed him?

[B]

I think it might be his leg. Yeah.

[A]

Who stabbed him?

[B]

I fucking. I don't know. Come on, come on, come on. We'll have to ask him.

[A]

He's got his AirPods in.

[B]

He's got his AirPods In. He's big business, dad. First of all, you have lead poison. Listen, Pied Piper, what fucking shoes are you wearing? Just cut in front of everything. We're recording. Wait, what are you doing over here?

[A]

Wait, can you. Can you sit here?

[B]

First of all, this is not a side.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You got stabbed by a pencil and you got lead in your leg.

[A]

You have lead poisoning. No.

[B]

Oh, ew.

[A]

It's her lead in your hand.

[B]

It's not lead. It's graphite.

[A]

Well, that's. We just figured that, like, fourth grade. You got stabbed that long ago? Yeah, I stabbed myself. Oh, what an idiot. Wait for on purpose.

[B]

Probably so horny about it, too.

[A]

He was like, oh, business listening to civil plan. He's like, fuck.

[B]

He was mad at himself for having a fucking piece of cheese.

[A]

What? Can you hear it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you hear it? Okay, what's the debate? I don't have.

[B]

Saying how you got stabbed by a pencil and you have. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So you stabbed yourself with pencil. Yeah. Give the people what they want. They really. And that's a horrible shot. And maybe they can see it now.

[B]

I'll be honest, the whole shot is horrible because I'm completely.

[A]

Hey, yeah, Greg, you know what?

[B]

You could have taken any other route.

[A]

This has been a mistake.

[B]

And there. He tripped.

[A]

This has been a mistake is what it has been.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly.

[A]

Thank you so much, Greg. We appreciate. Everyone give a round of applause for Greg.

[B]

Yeah, thank you so much, Greg, by the way, also, are you like a fucking, Like a. Like a dancing limerick? Why are you wearing those shoes? Yeah, look at these.

[A]

Yeah, dude, those are the Paul Revere's. Those are really good.

[B]

Those are very good. Wild. Get out of here, you loser. Yo, Greg, let me ask you something real quick. Just give me a thumbs up or thumbs down? He's pissed. He's pissed. You see him pissed?

[A]

I mean, he's trying to go five times. What was the question?

[B]

Did you. Went to school with Asian kids? Okay. Did they not have the sickest pencils?

[A]

Do you know Asian jelly cups?

[B]

What were those? You would know. You're definitely.

[A]

You don't know. Asian jelly cups.

[B]

Kid loves.

[A]

We're gonna introduce. Yeah, we're gonna introduce them.

[B]

Yeah, okay, I remember that. Get out. Now.

[A]

Wait there.

[B]

You'd suck on the back of pens and they would explode ink in your mouth. We've discussed this several times.

[A]

We've discussed this several times. Yeah, I don't remember that. Yeah, so I do like Pocky's, though. Is that Asian?

[B]

Yeah, big pockets are good.

[A]

Pockets are good.

[B]

They just dip.

[A]

They're like a solid. There's solid snack.

[B]

Love them.

[A]

Their Asian stuff that we like.

[B]

Everything.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Make that very clear.

[A]

Right? I mean.

[B]

What if. Silence. Like, you know, what if Tiffany is, like, mad at us and she's like, for what?

[A]

Like, I don't know, telling her she has awesome snacks.

[B]

Yeah, she did.

[A]

But if she fucking is gatekeeping the. The jelly cups, I'm mad at her.

[B]

Give it. Honestly, I'm kind of with you there. I.

[A]

Do you think we're gonna get hit up? I hope guys don't go looking for this girl.

[B]

Yeah, please don't.

[A]

God, don't go looking for Tiff.

[B]

Let her live.

[A]

Yeah. Let her live her life. She's probably married and she probably thinks we're too fucking idiots.

[B]

Google her right now.

[A]

I. Frank, I typed her name in to see that, if we can.

[B]

Where's she at?

[A]

Where?

[B]

These aren't.

[A]

These aren't her.

[B]

Where's she at? Go Facebook.

[A]

If I'm gonna be honest, I don't know how I would even go about trying to find a person that I ha. Oh, Facebook.

[B]

Facebook, baby.

[A]

Do I know my Facebook password? I have no idea. I'm not logged. Oh, I am logged in. Oh, no, I'm not. It's requiring.

[B]

Is it your burner account or.

[A]

No, my burner account.

[B]

So I almost got him there, folks.

[A]

Anyway, I love how people think that's.

[B]

Like a crime to have a second account that you don't want people to, like, talk to you on.

[A]

Who thinks that's a crime?

[B]

People are just like, oh, so. And so is a burner account. Who cares? My 1 KD got in trouble for it.

[A]

He was also pretending to reply.

[B]

Yeah, I know. That was funny.

[A]

Funny. But, you know, some people are more fancy than others.

[B]

So back to what I was saying. Got that, Got that. What were you saying?

[A]

I was gonna bring up oak tag.

[B]

What's oak tag? Paper. Paper. Oak tag. Oh, yes, paper.

[A]

Wouldn't it be like, we have projects when you.

[B]

Well, no, oak tag was the flimsy one. You're talking poster board.

[A]

No, I was talking about. I was talking about oak tag opened like this, and I was gonna get to big daddy. Poster board.

[B]

Poster board. Why are we not using this thing more? Oh, and then you print out fucking just like introduction, hypothesis, study, conclusion in the sickest word art on fucking Microsoft Word. You know which word I'm talking about, right? The one where it was like, it. Like it was a gradient.

[A]

Gradient were great.

[B]

Like red or some shit.

[A]

Or like, it was like light blue into white.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Or the orange and red one that was like, squiggly.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Bro, I hope that you guys have the same child as us. Otherwise we're just talking.

[B]

And if you didn't. Fuck you.

[A]

And also it's. It sounds great because it was. Yeah, okay. If you didn't grow up on the fucking Asian jelly cups. You suck, dude.

[B]

The birth of Pokemon cards to Yu Gi. Oh, cards to Asian jelly cups. The Asians.

[A]

Were we raised in an Asian. Like, we're just.

[B]

Yeah, but like, they had a comeback. They had a comeback in the late 90s, early 2000s.

[A]

Come Back is great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, everyone's got bumps in the road.

[B]

It was a bump.

[A]

We've had. We've certainly.

[B]

We've had. We've had a couple. We're so. It's a little bumpy right now for us. It's a little bumpy for us right now. Yeah. You know, you gotta. You know, you didn't ever know what the road ahead is gonna look like. I will say.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

What I was trying to say originally was.

[A]

And there it goes.

[B]

God, no, no, no, no, no. Apparently, the. Jesus Christ, Greg. Running.

[A]

I've had these, and there was literally an Asian kid that I went to school with. And I just got the memory that it was the first time I ever had it.

[B]

The Asian jelly cups. I thought you meant your stupid ass shoes.

[A]

No, yeah, the Asian jelly cups.

[B]

Yeah. I thought. I thought you were referencing the George Washington six that you're currently wearing.

[A]

Yo, can you do me a favor? Just do me a favor real quick, very easy. Look up the company and see if they're interested in a buyer.

[B]

See if they want us.

[A]

We're gonna buy the company, like, revive it.

[B]

Remember that part of Talladega Nights where he's just doing, like, Asian. He's doing, like, a commercial for, like, an Asian gum.

[A]

That's what we're gonna do.

[B]

That's the next view of ads, is gonna be us just doing my sponsor.

[A]

Make them a sponsor.

[B]

Imagine we're sitting here trying to talk Japanese.

[A]

Okay, we don't have to do that. We could just say.

[B]

Or. You do really good impressions.

[A]

Don't say that. No, dude, I'm all over it. I'm not kidding. And you remember when you bought coon geese? Korean.

[B]

I still Korean. I still have them at the house. You want to play next week?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I'll bring them in, baby. What would you do if I whipped him out right now? You to lose your shit? Be honest.

[A]

I wouldn't lose my shit.

[B]

Your shit would be lost.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No. Good times, though.

[B]

No. If I had coogies right now.

[A]

Yeah. Making a poster board. But I did, like, an oak tag, too.

[B]

I gotta say it up. This is hole punchers. Whoa. We talked about this recently.

[A]

I know that the one where it's.

[B]

Like, you move it and it's the three, and then you fucking press down like you're.

[A]

Hold on, hold on. Maybe the horniest school supply.

[B]

I'm so horny for school supplies. The hole punches that go in your binder wrong.

[A]

But those are good, too.

[B]

So sick.

[A]

Those are good, too, bro. Do you remember? You would just stack up, like, a bunch of Construction paper. And then you put it on like that thing.

[B]

It's like the old paper cutter. The fucking. Why were they. Why did they allow a full on machete in our elementary school? Dude, I. Dude, every room. If you guys don't know, I'm gonna talk. It was a big square wooden board.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That had lines in it. And it had like on one side, it had like a ruler on both sides and it was raised. And the idea is that you put paper into it and then there's a legit machete.

[A]

It's a la katana attached to this thing.

[B]

And it was on an arm and you would just. Society.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it would cut so fucking.

[A]

And it would make this. It was so good.

[B]

You could literally.

[A]

David Copperfield cut a child in half with this thing.

[B]

Dude. That's where you went.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because it's a dangerous thing to have in a fucking. Like a child. If I laid him down, I was like, oh, it's a magic trick. I could cut him in half, bro.

[B]

They were just like, careful, your fingers. There was a full meat cleaver on this thing. Like, what do you. What I mean? I have to cut my fingers off now there's a shogun sword in the fucking classroom.

[A]

Back to Asian.

[B]

Asians are ruling the world.

[A]

Our world. We actually live in an Asian.

[B]

Listen, Queens, New York was Flushing Asian. Oh, yeah, big Asian also.

[A]

It smells great over there. It is the best smell.

[B]

Let me ask you a question.

[A]

It does smell bad on some blocks. No, there's a lot of garbage. But that's not the Asians sniffing the nuts. I know that sounds weird.

[B]

God damn. The nuts.

[A]

The nuts.

[B]

Those Asian nuts are fucking incredible.

[A]

Asian street nuts. Believable smelling. It's one of the best smells in the world.

[B]

Asian street nuts, Asian street nuts.

[A]

Unbelievable shit.

[B]

It is really, really go to.

[A]

Go to fucking Flushing.

[B]

Go to Main street in Flushing street.

[A]

In Flushing, Queens and tell me, get a whiff of those fucking Asian street nuts and tell me your life isn't different.

[B]

First of all, those nuts are calling. Honestly, right now. Just the idea. I remember the feeling so vividly of going to your school and taking the bus there and getting off and being like, this is the greatest place on the planet.

[A]

And nuts would hit you in the face.

[B]

Right in the fucking face, dude. Right? You get punched in the mouth and the nose by nuts and you're just like, this is the greatest place on the planet.

[A]

It was so good.

[B]

And then tea, tea. They always had like boba tea places and like regular tea houses.

[A]

You Know what? I fuck with Boba. Like the coolest thing about boba tea.

[B]

The big ass straw.

[A]

I gotta stab this thing.

[B]

It's a big ass straw.

[A]

You gotta be like, pat.

[B]

Yeah, you got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It comes like sealed on top and you just have to like, fucking full on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Murder a cup.

[A]

I'm gonna be honest with you. I've never even drank boba tea.

[B]

I've. I've had it maybe, maybe once. I could be wrong.

[A]

What is that shit in there?

[B]

It's tapioca. It sounds miserable and I'm sure it's not tapioca, but, like, I can't be trusted with little balls and a giant straw and I'll choke. That's an insane sentence. Why? I will choke if I had boba tea. I can't be trusted with little balls. In a stroke, hindsight, maybe I could have worded that in a better way. That didn't sound. Where do you go?

[A]

I think you know boba, but I've never had one. Partially because I'm scared too. The fucking straw is too wide.

[B]

I tell you all the time. I think if you keep going down this path you've been going down recently with green tea, you're gonna be a tea boy. And like, you might, you might completely get rid of coffee.

[A]

You know what a tea boy is?

[B]

No. It's a tea boy. I don't know that. Yeah. I don't know. Like a tea boy. Well, maybe. Maybe you will be that too. You. Maybe you will.

[A]

I don't think it works like that.

[B]

I'm not gonna like, you know, just. Did you see there was a. There was some like, right wing politician who was like. As a social experiment, I decided to expose wokeness and pretended to be trans for three weeks.

[A]

That's a long time.

[B]

And then he's like, I found out they were so accepting and like all so willing to call me by my pronouns. What got them. It's like you exposed nothing. You have exposed the kindness in people. Like, fucking got them. You got wokeness, baby.

[A]

I knew people would be accepting.

[B]

Yeah. Now I had no worries about where I went or what I did. Oh, sounds pretty. Dude, this is a new record.

[A]

This is unbelievable.

[B]

This is an absolute new record. We had several things to talk about. We didn't get to the first one.

[A]

Didn'T get to any of them. But we do have. We have more.

[B]

Jellies.

[A]

It isn't the jellies, but you can look forward to that in the future. I don't know, but we do Have. This is a big one for Frank here. Skims.

[B]

Oh, yes, dude.

[A]

Skims is now a sponsor of the Basement Yard. But skims, they make men's underwear now. Okay. It's not just Kim Kardashian. It's also for the boys.

[B]

Okay. I will tell you this very, very clearly.

[A]

Tell them what happened to you.

[B]

The guys have gotten annoyed at how much I talk about the skins underwear that they kindly sent to me. They are soft, comfortable. Dude, Yo. Like, this is not shape Guy. If they were in a sponsor, I still would be saying this. Unbelievable. And there is like, I have to buy 500 pairs now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because they are too good for me. Yeah.

[A]

When you put them on your body and you're just like. I'm just like, in place. I breathe, my. Everything's breathing.

[B]

I'll be very honest with you. I also felt more comfortable and confident in them. Yeah, that. That's just a me thing.

[A]

That. That's a good way of cleaning up what you actually said to me that he feels confident in them because he said something that we're not gonna say.

[B]

We're not. We got. We're not gonna make any assertions about this company that they can't back up. But personally, I felt good. Yeah. That's all I'm gonna say.

[A]

Yeah, it was lovely. So they are great. You could shop skims. Skims men's skims.com. okay. Let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu. Okay, so if you're a guy out there. Oh, you're a girl out there. I mean, they got Skims. It skims, baby. What is that? It's skim, so you know what I mean? Go, Go get some nice, cool, nice form fitting underwear. It's so nice on your body. So go to Skims and then, you know, do podcasts and do the survey and let them know that the Basement Yard sent you. All right? Me and Frankie would never steer you wrong. And lastly, here we have Better Help. Better Help is online therapy. Okay. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. It has been for a while now. And Better Help, you know, has helped a lot of people. A lot of people have pulled me aside at shows and they appreciate the fact that, you know, I'm. We're outspoken about therapy and we think people should be in it. I have been in it for years, so I think that people should. And it's really good for you. And BetterHelp is a nice way to kind of dip your toe into the world of therapy because you could start talking to a therapist in just under 48 hours. They make it very easy to switch from therapist to therapist so you can find the right fit for you. If you feel like someone doesn't really understand you or whatever, you don't feel comfortable talking to them, switch. Get somebody else has to be the, like a nice, you know, fit for you. But yeah. And also, therapy is also very expensive, but with BetterHelp, it's a fraction of the cost. So it makes it a little more, you know, attainable to do therapy because that's usually a deterrent, people being like, this is very expensive. I can't do it. But yeah, you can. Go to betterhelp.com basementyard today and you will get 10% off of your first month on top of it already being more affordable than, you know, in person therapy. And like I said, I don't know if I actually said this before. You can talk on the phone and you can. It's customizable so you can talk at any frequency. You know, if you want to do every single week or you want to do bi weekly or whatever, you can do it or sporadically. Whenever you're feeling like it, just schedule it with your therapist and when they can fit you in, they will. But yeah, go to betterhelp.com basement today to get 10% off of your first month. Okay, that is BetterHelp spelled B E T T E R h e l p.com basemeyard and you'll get 10% off of that first month. Okay, there you go.

[B]

The reason I was laughing so hard is because Greg looked up the company that sells the fruit jellies and legit sent them an email, copied me and you on it, and says, we are interested in buying your company. Oh, you never, you never know, folks. You never know. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

[A]

How much?

[B]

How, how much could they be making?

[A]

I mean, dude, they could be making billions. We don't know.

[B]

I think it's, it's a U.S. based company.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

The one that he emailed, I just looked it up.

[A]

Yeah, I don't even know if that's.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, we might, we might be, we can make it our own.

[A]

We could be like Frank and Joe's jelly cups.

[B]

Frankie, Joe's jelly comes double chocolate chocolate cookie.

[A]

We're gonna give Frank and Joe's jelly cut. That was a horrible.

[B]

That was the worst one I'VE ever taken.

[A]

We're gonna give Frank and Joe's jelly cups.

[B]

Boom. I want him to do one video where he gives it, like, 14 booms and see how many people actually stick around for all 14 of the booms.

[A]

Or just do so many booms that eventually his face gets so ready. Pest.

[B]

Yeah, he just like, I get this cookie 861. Boom, boom, boom. To see if he'll actually commit to it. This is a new record, which.

[A]

What?

[B]

Like, we haven't talked about anything, and.

[A]

At this point, I don't want to.

[B]

I don't want to either.

[A]

Should we shut the lap.

[B]

Shut it up. Fuck you, bitch.

[A]

I meant to give it the finger, and then I shot it with a gun.

[B]

Shows you where your head is at shooting guns. What are you getting? Are you coming around on guns?

[A]

I mean, I've been very vocal that, like, eventually I would like to move to the suburbs. And I'm gunning up.

[B]

You need at least one gun.

[A]

I feel like I'm more afraid to live in nice neighborhoods. Is that weird?

[B]

Yeah, because that's where the white freaks like you guys are.

[A]

Well, I feel like that's just like. Yeah, it's.

[B]

Not what I meant to say. I like how you like. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I meant, like, I feel like that's. Maybe it's just because of the movies, but, like, that's where people get, like, home invasion stuff.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, home invasions are so, like, they are there, they this. They are nothing, really. Yeah, most. Most, like, invasions or, like, crimes like that happen from people within the family. So make sure you keep a good relationship with everyone and your cousins and brothers and sisters.

[A]

I'm scared because I feel like if I did have a gun and in the middle of the night, I hear someone, like, rummaging, then I'm like, okay.

[B]

I have to use my gun now. I have to use my gun.

[A]

But now it gets me thinking, though, like, what if, like, someone's setting up, like, you know, like, a surprise party for me or something? I just, like, kill, like, my aunt, because she's just trying to ask you a question.

[B]

Why would your aunt be in your home in the evening, late at night, setting up a single banner for a surprise party for you?

[A]

I'm just saying, in the off chance that she's setting up a fucking happy birthday banner, she's gonna get gunned down, bro.

[B]

I mean, I gotta say, I. I'm probably a little closer to having a gun than you are. And I. I've kind of grown comfortable with my whole, like, Kitchen towel around the handle of a knife. So, like, I feel like I'm losing that. You know what I mean? Like, I feel more confident with a knife than I would a gun.

[A]

Okay. What are you, a pirate? But what if they have a gun?

[B]

Run at them, die quicker?

[A]

Is that what you're.

[B]

No, they say. They say if. If the person has a gun, run toward them. If they have a knife, run away from them.

[A]

It's not a deer. You don't speed up, you duck, they're gonna shoot.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

If you run at someone with a gun, and it's a real gun, you have to figure they're gonna get so scared they shoot if. Even if they don't want to.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know, honestly. And I hope I never find out.

[A]

I hope so also. I hope you never find out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Let's just. Let's just move off this conversation.

[A]

Guns, guns. Bang, bang, bang. Would you get a shotgun?

[B]

No loading.

[A]

It's cool.

[B]

Loading a shotgun. Like, I hope, I hope, I hope. And I need your help here. Seriously. You know me. I know I go through. I've gone through changes in my life. Different personalities, different turn and face the strange changes. Don't wanna be a richer man Time may change me I can change time. That's a really good stuff.

[A]

David Bowie. RIP to our boy. What sound you just made? Like a pug.

[B]

What?

[A]

You went. Did you, like, snore just now?

[B]

I didn't mean to. Cool. Sorry. You know me, I've gone through different iterations. R.A. frank, R.D. frank. Fun Frank, Frat Frank, Frat Frank. Fresh as. I miss Frank.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, if I ever, ever, even as a joke, think it'll be funny to, like, clean my gun around any of my daughter's boyfriends? Take that gun and kill me, Frankie.

[A]

And I. Frank, just do it. I. Dude, I love you. I will accept.

[B]

Well, this is a pact here. This is a pact.

[A]

No, no. I just want to tell you something. I love you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you're right. I do know you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I. I have to say. I have to say.

[B]

Just, just, just, just. Just.

[A]

Sounds like something you do.

[B]

I don't think I will. And I'll tell you why I don't.

[A]

But being a dad makes you do dumb, probably.

[B]

I know. I know. And I'm scared. I am scared. I'll be honest. I'm scared. And you're like, dude, I didn't even tell you. We recently went to a family party and there was, like, a little boy there and Our niece ran up to us and goes to Becca and I and she goes, Ruby said she thinks that boy is cute and might want to kiss him. And I said, where the is this kid? And I went upstairs and I opened like this wasn't like a show. I just.

[A]

Wait, who said that to you?

[B]

My niece. Oh, okay. She's like, he's. She said that he's cute and she wants to snitch. Good. Honestly. And, and I, I didn't like, I didn't feel anything. I just. My body stood up, moved me into the room and I opened the door and I said, absolutely not. No kid. The kid wasn't even in there. But like I just wanted to make sure I set the groundwork. I scared the whole kid. All the kids in the room.

[A]

No kissing.

[B]

No kissing, bitch.

[A]

Okay. And I, I just want to. I agree.

[B]

Yeah, but why? I don't know.

[A]

It just came out.

[B]

It just came out of me.

[A]

You think you're gonna be like a, like a. You can't date?

[B]

No, I don't think I will be that person.

[A]

I think, I mean you are right now.

[B]

No. For my 3 year old daughter, Joey wanted to kiss another boy.

[A]

I just said I agreed. What age does that stop though?

[B]

I think honestly around puberty age. I think that there is a level of. What is that, 12, 12, 13? You know, it might be a little younger for girls, but you know, like I hope that I am the parent and Becca and I have had multiple conversations about this that keep an open line of communication with our kids and instill responsibility in them and not fear and rejection. You know, like being like, no, you're not gonna do it because I'll fucking get. I really don't think I'll be that person.

[A]

You just kick the door down.

[B]

Yellow three year old Joey.

[A]

Hey man. Kids are listening.

[B]

But then my father, my father in law was down there and he was just like, you're gonna have to deal with a lot of that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was just like, fuck.

[A]

I wonder how that's gonna be.

[B]

I think you'll take the same route. Cuz I see like you have a really good.

[A]

I would love to do a bad boys thing with you and just scare a prom date. But not like scared like just kind.

[B]

Of just like that was a full scare. He answered the door with a gun, Joey, didn't he?

[A]

Yeah, but like I wouldn't take it out. I would just have it.

[B]

No, see now you're becoming. What do you think I said I would become?

[A]

Yeah, but I'm doing It for fun. I'm not doing it cuz like, you.

[B]

Think I would be really wanting to shoot this person at my dinner table?

[A]

No one wants to shoot anyone. I just want to know that, you know, with the. If you. If there is violence, there's fucking violence. Yeah.

[B]

Listen, if I'm pulling. If. If one of my children's significant others sees a gun that I have, it's because they're on the receiving end of it. Let's make that very clear. Okay? That is not going to happen. Yeah, but, you know, if I ever become that guy that's just like, sit down and I take a gun out and I just like start cleaning it in front of him, I hope that you would kill me.

[A]

Oh, I would let you know.

[B]

Okay, just please do that for me. And I don't think I'll do that, but just in case. You never know what could happen in 15 years.

[A]

If I was there, dude, I would just try to neutralize the whole thing. Look, I would act like we're just.

[B]

Like, I'm hoping that like our career continues on this really great path, this trajectory, and it scares people. It's like, oh my God, Ruby's dad is like, he knows people.

[A]

Frank.

[B]

I don't even.

[A]

Hold on, hold on. If our. Just to be clear, I don't know if you know, the way that people perceive us, but they're certain we're gay for each other. So I don't know if our. If our career keeps going the way it is. I don't think that's intimidating anyone. They're just gonna like, those are those two guys their friends and like, they probably gay or something. Like, that's probably what? Like that's how it's being, you know.

[B]

Viewed instead of, oh my God, Ruby's daddy is terrified. Be like, oh my God, it's Ruby's dad. He loves and talks about his balls.

[A]

That's Ruby's dad. He loves hugging his friend Joe.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know. You never know.

[A]

Oh, man, that's.

[B]

It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. I do hope that you become that, like. Like you're around. Like, I can't say anything crazy. So it's like Joey's gonna step in and be like, listen, he can't say anything crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.

[A]

Bad cop.

[B]

We do good cop back.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Like, I like the cops. Yeah, yeah, I like the cops. Yeah. Like, I've thought about that.

[A]

Or like, overly nice.

[B]

I thought about that. And I'm gonna be really, really honest with you. I've thought about, like, I'm not. Not that this situation has ever come up, but like, you ever see the movie the town?

[A]

I saw it twice on a Christmas.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

It was the same Christmas. It didn't even go to commercial. It started. I watch it again.

[B]

Okay, that's bad.

[A]

Weird. But it's a good movie.

[B]

It is. But like, I wonder your know that scene where he's just like, listen up, brother, we're gonna go hurt somebody. I need you to not ask any questions. And he's just like, all right, who's Kyle? We take. Yeah. I wondered if I were to approach you like that, what your response would be. Because I don't think you'd be like, all right, let's go.

[A]

I'm mad inquisitive.

[B]

You're very inquisitive.

[A]

I would have mad questions like, you can't ask me about it. Like, I'm immediately going to ask you.

[B]

You'd be like, what is going on? Who is it? Tell me every. Like, you would be very inquisitive. I think you'd be down to ride.

[A]

Yeah, but I would be like, yo, let's just think about a plan here.

[B]

Yeah, you'd be.

[A]

Let's approach.

[B]

Let's approach this as a full on business model. Yeah. And then Greg would come in. Yeah. Greg would be like, all right, so, like, this is like the way that we like what's gonna be like the best roi. It's true. I think the one person in my life that would with no questions, ask, be like, okay. Is my brother Chris.

[A]

Yeah, Well, I think, yeah, he's a little crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like, if I called him right now and said, don't ask questions. I need you to come with me to beat somebody up. He's just saying like, all right.

[A]

I think both your brothers would say, yeah, I think more Chris than Nick.

[B]

More Chris than Nick. Nick would be down to.

[A]

But he'd have one question.

[B]

Danny too. I think if I called Danny, he'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Danny would be. Could they be a little too excited? Probably. He'd be like, awesome. Who in your life do you think could legit, like, legitimately be like, okay, I'd be inquisitive too. Just so we're clear. I'd be very question. I'd be.

[A]

We would probably get into an argument like, you're just not gonna say anything. You're not saying anything.

[B]

That's the point.

[A]

Have you seen the movie? I don't know. I don't know, honestly. Maybe a med. Yeah.

[B]

But Ahmed would be like, hold on, I'm getting waxed right now. Like, he was.

[A]

Oh, you know, is a good one.

[B]

Josh. Yeah, Josh would be.

[A]

Josh.

[B]

Yeah, that's a really good one. Yeah, Josh. He'd be like, yo, Josh would be like. Josh would show up in his fucking pads. Like, he would show up in Muay Thai shorts and boxing gloves and be like, let's go.

[A]

If I told Josh, like, yo, I'm about to get jumped by these guys. I can use your help me. And he's like, I just knocked out my boss. I'm on my way.

[B]

And then he'd show up, beat them up, and then beat you up. Just as consolation. Yeah.

[A]

Everyone get a kick in the head.

[B]

There are other people. I don't want to name other people that, like, of our friend group because I don't, you know, want to, like, expose. But I think there are other people, too. Like, one person that we can think. I can think of off top of my head that you wouldn't want to mess with.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. He'd be down.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I mean, I've got. I've gotten into fights because of that person. When I wasn't. I didn't want to get.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, you know, things happen.

[B]

That's good to know one person like that in your life. And I hope everyone has that person. And Joey, it's really great. New record. Didn't talk a single second about anything we wanted to talk about. Yeah, we tried. I'll be honest.

[A]

We did.

[B]

We did. But we didn't.

[A]

Oak Tag prevails once again.

[B]

Oak Tag. And the Asians win this episode.

[A]

So I can't imagine what we're going to title this.

[B]

Asian Jelly Cups. Done.

[A]

Yay.

[B]

I don't wanna see what fucking. What graphics are produced for this episode because they might border on the. Right on the line of, this is.

[A]

Gonna come through some drafts. Definitely can't post that. Stop that.

[B]

But thank you guys so much for coming out and hanging with us. You can find me flat85 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media, check out the patreon patreon.com the basement yard. Your support is appreciated and warranted and loved, and thank you guys so much. You can find the Basementyard on all forms of social media. At the Basement Yard, we put out our mini document about the Radio City show. It was edited and done incredibly by Mikey and our team. So thank you, Mikey. Thank you, Boris, everyone. Boris, everyone that helped out with that. You could check that out on the Basementyard YouTube channel if you haven't yet. Joey, over to you, baby.

[A]

You guys can go follow me at Joe Santigato on everything. And yeah, just go follow the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram and the Patreon and that is all. See you next time. Bye.

[B]

There's.