#488 - You Have A Weird Relationship With Your Mom

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard - Episode #488: "You Have A Weird Relationship With Your Mom"

Release Date: February 3, 2025

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Introduction to the Episode

In Episode #488 of The Basement Yard, hosts Joe Santagato and Frank dive deep into the complexities of parent-child relationships, particularly focusing on unconventional and uncomfortable dynamics with mothers. The conversation oscillates between personal anecdotes, humorous exchanges, and serious reflections, making for an engaging and multifaceted discussion.

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Unconventional Parent-Child Dynamics

Frank initiates the conversation by bringing up a disturbing topic: an individual who has an inappropriate relationship with his mother through creating content on OnlyFans. This revelation sets the tone for a candid and uncomfortable exploration of boundary issues in familial relationships.

• Frank: "[At 11:03]... you have a weird relationship with your mom."
• Joe adds his perspectives, emphasizing the discomfort and ethical concerns surrounding such scenarios.

The OnlyFans Controversy

The hosts delve into the specifics of the OnlyFans situation, debating the legality and morality of a son taking explicit photos for his mother. They question the motives and the blurred lines that bring about such a relationship.

• Frank: "[At 12:14]... behind the camera, taking the pictures and presumably videos for his mother."
• Joe emphasizes the gravity of the situation, stating, "[At 12:42]... If your mom is asking you to take naked pictures, that's unacceptable."

This segment highlights the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries and the potential repercussions of overstepping familial roles.

Role-Playing a Parent-Child Conversation

To illustrate how parents should approach sensitive topics with their children, Joe and Frank engage in a role-playing exercise. They simulate a conversation where a parent requests explicit photos from their adult child, showcasing the inappropriateness of such a request.

• Joe: "[At 16:33]... Hey, listen, I need to take some pictures for work..."
• Frank responds with increasing discomfort, eventually rejecting the request firmly.

This dramatization serves as a critical examination of respectful and appropriate communication between parents and their adult children.

Reflections on Childhood and Relationships

Transitioning from the heavy topic, the hosts reminisce about their childhood experiences, sharing stories about nicknames, school memories, and familial interactions. This nostalgic segment provides a contrast to the earlier discussion, emphasizing normal and healthy parent-child relationships.

• Frank: "[At 21:05]... called me Facts."
• Joe: "[At 22:16]... Miss you, but smile."

These anecdotes underscore the evolution of their relationships with their parents, highlighting moments of support, humor, and mutual respect.

Parenting Concerns and Future Outlook

As the conversation progresses, Joe and Frank express their apprehensions about their future roles as parents. They discuss the challenges of guiding teenage children, maintaining open communication, and managing the balance between being supportive and setting boundaries.

• Frank: "[At 30:49]... How do you as a parent approach your son? Like with this."
• Joe: "[At 36:07]... I think you are maybe causing yourself some anxiety..."

They contemplate the complexities of parenting in the modern age, acknowledging the potential for both rewarding and challenging moments.

Personal Anecdotes: Cars, Soda Addiction, and More

Interspersed throughout the episode are light-hearted segments where the hosts share personal stories about their cars, experiences with soda, and other nostalgic memories. These moments add levity to the episode, showcasing their camaraderie and ability to navigate between serious and trivial topics seamlessly.

• Joe: "[At 66:07]... I traded it in. They gave me fifteen hundred dollars for it."
• Frank: "[At 56:25]... Bop. Sorry, Joey, I haven't burped in 20 years."

These stories not only entertain but also humanize the hosts, allowing listeners to connect with them on a personal level.

Conclusion and Wrap-Up

The episode concludes with the hosts reiterating their concerns about future parenting challenges and expressing hopes for fostering healthy relationships with their own children. They emphasize the importance of communication, understanding, and setting appropriate boundaries to prevent the pitfalls discussed earlier in the episode.

• Frank: "[At 36:26]... how are you feeling and understanding..."
• Joe: "[At 37:07]... I think that you just got cause yourself some anxiety..."

The wrap-up serves as a call to action for listeners to reflect on their own relationships with their parents, encouraging open dialogue and self-awareness.

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Notable Quotes

• Frank: "If your mom is asking you to take naked pictures, that's unacceptable." ([12:42])
• Joe: "I don't need to be there five inches from your he Shay taking photos of it." ([14:09])
• Frank: "What kind of pictures? It's just me." ([16:45])
• Joe: "Boredom is the most difficult to deal with." ([43:56])
• Frank: "I might kill a child." ([30:49])

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Key Takeaways

1. Boundaries are Crucial: Maintaining clear and respectful boundaries in parent-child relationships is essential to prevent uncomfortable and inappropriate dynamics.
2. Communication is Key: Open and honest communication can bridge gaps and foster understanding between parents and their children.
3. Reflecting on the Past: Sharing personal stories and reflections can provide valuable insights into current relationships and future parenting approaches.
4. Balancing Seriousness and Levity: Navigating between heavy topics and light-hearted anecdotes can create a balanced and engaging conversation.

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Final Thoughts

Episode #488 of The Basement Yard offers a profound exploration of the intricacies of parent-child relationships, emphasizing the importance of boundaries and communication. Through personal stories, role-playing, and candid discussions, Joe and Frank provide listeners with both entertainment and valuable insights into fostering healthy familial bonds.

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Listen to the full episode on The Basement Yard to dive deeper into the conversation and gain more perspectives on navigating complex relationships with your parents.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the base. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank. How's it going? Are you. Did you just wake up? What's going on?

[B]

Yo, honestly, I just got tired, dude.

[A]

You just got a tired.

[B]

I just got tired.

[A]

One tired.

[B]

A single tired. Do you do that thing where you're tired, where you do this? Have you ever actually done this?

[A]

I don't do this, but I do this.

[B]

You do that.

[A]

I like, kind of rub it like a. It.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

I whispered it.

[B]

There was. There is a sect of the Internet right now. That was just like, what?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but like, who?

[B]

Like, does anyone actually wake up like a cartoon character? Just like. Yeah, no, you know, no one does that.

[A]

Babies kind of do it. Babies, they kind of go like this.

[B]

Well, they rub their eyes. But like, I don't know. Baby babies or like, what is the thing when people cry?

[A]

Who?

[B]

The dumbass bitches crying like that?

[A]

Yeah, I cry without my hands in my face.

[B]

Do you cry like you make it a point to?

[A]

No, I cry. And whenever I start getting myself going, bro, I'm crying at the drop of a hat lately, man.

[B]

Wait till you have kids.

[A]

I watched a movie that, like, wasn't even sad. Yeah, I just recently, remember I told you I watched Home Alone? I was like, shit, this almost got me.

[B]

Dude, we. So Miles and I finally finished the Harry Potter watch along.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And this little guy, did he cry? No. Someone did. There were two people in the room. Miles didn't cry. Who did? I don't know.

[A]

Somebody figure this out.

[B]

But, like, not gonna spoil it for just in case. Because someone once was just like, how dare you spoil Harry Potter 20 years old.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

After everything that. That happens with Snape.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He goes. Pause it. Explain that to me just so I make sure I understand. I'm like, well, wait, you were explaining.

[A]

The plot and you cried.

[B]

But like, bro, I just watch everything that happens with Snape. Yeah. The pensive memory and everything.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then I was just like. I just want to make sure I understand what he said.

[A]

And then you cry.

[B]

What happened?

[A]

What did he say when you started crying?

[B]

I didn't. I wasn't like, bawling crying, but, like.

[A]

I would be, like, choked.

[B]

So what happened was, you know, like, I would, like, pull it together. And I slowed up the conversation.

[A]

Did he say, kiki, what are you doing?

[B]

He was just like, I. He was intently watching. I think he's at an age now where he's not going to point out me crying because it happens probably way too often. But he was just like, okay, yeah, all right. I'm going to stop asking.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, he was like, all right.

[A]

Whatever, watch the movie. Jeez, put it back on.

[B]

But like at the end I was just like. It was power love, you know?

[A]

Oh, my God, Frank, pull it together.

[B]

No, bitch. I feel things. Bitch. You fucking try it, bro.

[A]

I'm mad sensitive, but we're talking about a movie that you've seen maybe eight times.

[B]

Doesn't matter. That's. That speaks to the strength of the storytelling.

[A]

Honestly, was my acting good acting?

[B]

Oh my God, good acting.

[A]

All those people gotta stop dying from Harry Potter. Anyway, we do have announcements. We have an announcement, if you didn't hear already on the last episode, but we are coming to the uk. The boys are going across the pole. Tickets are on sale right [e-mail]. if you guys don't know. Here's where we're going. March 25th, we're in Scotland. Do it.

[B]

All the boys are coming. That show is going to be great. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what favorite thing that you do. Yeah.

[A]

The 25th would be in Glasgow in Scotland. The 27th, we're going to be in London.

[B]

Tuesday. Is it a Tuesday?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

No, it's a Thursday. Thursday.

[A]

And then on the 31st, we're going to be in Dublin. Yeah, can't do the Irish.

[B]

I mean, I think I could if asked me to talk about it like I'm fixing wood or something.

[A]

Hey, can you talk about it like you're fixing wood?

[B]

Well, this is a piece of oak. Nope, see, I lost it.

[A]

I mean, it's not bad.

[B]

Well, it's oak. It's very not. No, no, I had it. We just did an episode a couple weeks ago and I had it.

[A]

Yeah, you did.

[B]

Now I fucked up.

[A]

But anyway, we're going across the pond. We're gonna be in the uk, so we're going to Glasgow, London and Dublin for the Dublin show. There may be a second show if that show sells well. And the same thing for the London show. If the London show sells out pretty quickly, we'll add a second show. But yeah, for. That's. So that's what it is right now. The boys gonna come and do a couple shows over there in the uk. But yeah, pop out. Tickets are available atthebasementyard.com, if they're not sold out already, which I hope they are. We hope people like us. Tuesday, Tuesday, we're gonna go there, have some food.

[B]

What are we gonna eat? Because the food over there, notoriously, is not very good.

[A]

That's what people have said. I mean, I didn't really have an issue with the food when I was there.

[B]

I'm crushing beans on toast. I'm letting you know, right? It's good, dude, I'm. You know how I feel about beans.

[A]

You love beans.

[B]

Beans, bangers, put them anywhere you want.

[A]

Bangers and mash. Bangers. Wait, what's the. I thought the bangers were the mash. No, what's bangers?

[B]

Bangers are sausage, babe. You bang the sausage.

[A]

Wait, why are they calling bangers? Because of banging. Like banging sausages.

[B]

Do I look it up or do you look at.

[A]

I'm not. I don't think either of us, I imagine.

[B]

Yeah, that's probably a very scary banger.

[A]

Why do they call sausage bangers a mush?

[B]

Bangers.

[A]

Bangers.

[B]

Why do they call it bangers? I imagine because they, like, you bite into them and the flavor bangs your fucking throat.

[A]

Definitely that's not a good way to.

[B]

Say so many other ways I could have said that.

[A]

Thousand. Infinite.

[B]

Honestly. Yeah, infinite. Several. Several billion.

[A]

Yeah. But we're excited to be there. We're gonna try and, like, see the sights. Frank's never been to the uk. I recently just went to Scotland. I've never been to London, never been to Dublin. Two places that I've wanted to go in my life. So really cool that the first time is going to be these shows.

[B]

It's. It's gonna be something. We might be a little sleepy getting over there. Because of jet lag.

[A]

Jet lag? Yeah, jet lag.

[B]

Donate.

[A]

Jet lag.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

I don't know why I keep saying it.

[B]

So, yeah, go check it out. The basement. Yard dot com. And what's that? Oh, can we go? Can we. Can we see Platform 9 in 3/4?

[A]

It isn't a train station.

[B]

King's Cross, isn't it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

I don't know where it is. It has to be in London.

[B]

It has to.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, might as well start, right?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Are we gonna.

[A]

Yeah, there's probably a bunch of, like, Americans that show up in their life. Oh, here's where. Drive your car.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, absolutely 100%.

[A]

Will you take a cart and drive it into the wall?

[B]

They. I think the thing that they have there is that, like they have a cart half pushing, like, sticking out the wall. And you can, like.

[A]

That's so cool.

[B]

Pretend that you're pushing it and stuff like that. Yeah, there's Gonna. We're gonna be probably annoying Americans.

[A]

Hell yeah. Yeah. I don't think we have a choice.

[B]

Maybe. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

In our blood.

[B]

I mean, it is just who we are, baby. It's. It's through our veins.

[A]

Through our veins.

[B]

So. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. We're gonna be really excited, bro. I hope you do the entire Scotland show on the accent. That'd be great.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

God. Dude. We get to interact with the Scottish crowd and hear their voices.

[B]

Yeah. What do you think? Their laughs sound different too, because, like, here in America, their laughs are like, hahaha. Over there, like in London, they're like.

[A]

Oh, he says, d. This is nice.

[B]

This is nice. Yeah. Rob Bunk. Yeah. Oh, man. They're not gonna be happy with us. Probably. They're just gonna be like, what are you guys?

[A]

Mostly you. I would say, but no.

[B]

Do you remember all.

[A]

I can't do the accent.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

We talked about the royal wedding.

[B]

She's dead.

[A]

I don't think anyone's with this guy.

[B]

Who is the guy? King Charles with his sausage fingers. We probably should not talk about the king. Bad. They'll come get us.

[A]

What's he going to do?

[B]

Probably several. There is several hundred years of history that suggests he might do something.

[A]

Was he going to. He's going to send his army of horses at us. Come on.

[B]

You wouldn't be shook if you just woke up and there were several horses running in your direction.

[A]

I'd be terrified.

[B]

With lances and swords and all that. You'd be scared.

[A]

I'm rewatching Game of Thrones and it's honestly crazy that, like, people on horseback could get like. You know what I'm saying? How hard is it to kill a guy on a horse? Why is that hard?

[B]

Because it's happening very fast.

[A]

Yeah, but just cut the horse's leg, like now I feel like. I think that's what you.

[B]

I think that's what they do in the show is like, they, like, take the horses out and then like. Isn't that what happens in Battle of the Bastards?

[A]

Yeah, they like, cut a horse's leg and he comes down and he. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That show. I. I've seen it once. Never need to see it again. I'm so. Okay.

[A]

Unbelievable show.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's. I think it definitely is a great show. It is not one of the greatest shows of all time. I stand by that easily. Not even top five easily.

[A]

That's insane. No, I'm not even gonna ask your top Five. Because I don't care.

[B]

But the reason that you love it so much is because of the production value.

[A]

What? No, it isn't. How do you do something like that? What goes through your head that you. You're just so used to saying things that you're like, here's why you like it.

[B]

I.

[A]

When have I ever said that?

[B]

So why do you like it? The storylines, Joey. Tell me one storyline, Frank. Oh, you like watching brothers and sisters, diddle bop, bing bang, bing bang, bangers and mash? Yeah.

[A]

That's not why I think it's such an incredible show. Because there's, like, nine different storylines going on.

[B]

The production value.

[A]

That's not production value, dumbass.

[B]

The fact that they can interweave. All right? The writing. You're a big fan of George R.R. martin, Frank.

[A]

That's the reason why anyone likes any show. And the acting is great.

[B]

Acting's good. I will say that.

[A]

It is good.

[B]

I think that a lot of people, they see that show. That show sent a benchmark for TV after that. Now shows are $50 million projects, and each episode is a million dollars and.

[A]

Not severance, which is coming out. Has 100 rotten tomatoes.

[B]

You're saying, oh, I haven't seen any of severance. Is it good?

[A]

It's good. It's. I don't want to, like, act like it's, like, insane, but the reviews for the second season, which is coming out, like, next week or some shit, are like a hundred. Like, it's getting, like, praise, like, whoa. One of the best seasons of a show ever. Which is, like, I think it's a good show.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But if this and second season is, like, great, then it definitely could be like, yo, okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

We're not gonna talk about shows the whole time anyway.

[B]

We could. Baby, we can sit here and talk shows all day. I'm a show. I'm a show talker.

[A]

I know. I love shows as well. Here's a more Basement yard topic.

[B]

We got more.

[A]

You brought this up to me.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

And all I did was write down what you said.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it Says, son of OnlyFanStar. Explains why he takes pics for his mother.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Now it's your turn to tell me what.

[B]

Or I can just sit here and hold out and make you squirm like a little piggy.

[A]

I don't even know how to respond.

[B]

You don't respond to it. That's. That's how. Because you're. Because I'm gonna put a ball gag in your mouth, you dirty little.

[A]

What's going on with you over there, kid. Woke up horny. On the. On the. On the horny side of the brick.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not horny right now.

[A]

No, I'm not horny right now.

[B]

No, no. Apparently there is an only fans. Crap. Creator or content creator. What do you call them?

[A]

Creators.

[B]

Models?

[A]

Creators. Creators, that's what they call them.

[B]

Okay, who's they?

[A]

The Earth.

[B]

Gotcha. Okay.

[A]

Onlyfans. Creators.

[B]

Because Onlyfans is a product of the Earth, correct? Yeah, but apparently I don't know what her name is. I have the information on my phone, but I don't care to look at it. Her son is the one that is the photographer behind the.

[A]

There goes that photographer again.

[B]

Come on. Behind the camera, taking the pictures and presumably videos for his mother.

[A]

Is she.

[B]

Wait, I haven't seen. I. I don't know.

[A]

Not against the law. Is there not a law?

[B]

Like, why. Why would. I mean, I. I think it should be. But why would it be.

[A]

Because that's like child abuse.

[B]

He's old. He's of age. I think he's in his, like, 20s.

[A]

Okay, then he should be in jail. Or they should lock them both up separately.

[B]

Yeah, together there might be. You never know what would happen.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

No, but so people said, like, that's weird.

[A]

Weird. It's disgusting.

[B]

We agree, right? Of course. If your mom.

[A]

Frank. Okay, don't finish your sentence. Okay, but if your mom.

[B]

Fuck you. Okay. Did you ever. No, no, no.

[A]

I'm saying, like, if you don't point at me. Frankie. Yeah, Sorry. Your mom was asking you. Hey, I'm going to take these photos or I'm going to. I need you to take these photos.

[B]

I'd be pissed. She told me in the first place.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Do it on your own time.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I don't need to know about this. I understand. Now is a different place than. We're in a different place in the world now.

[A]

Oh, we're not that. That you're going to be taking naked pictures for your mother, bro.

[B]

Could you imagine?

[A]

No.

[B]

Never in a million years. I don't care how close I am with my parents or my children. Like that ain't happening.

[A]

I wouldn't do that for my friend Joey. What?

[B]

Joey, You.

[A]

What? I don't like that you turn towards me.

[B]

If I called you and said, yo, take pictures of my dong dong sack butt, I'm throwing it online. You're not gonna be like, I support you.

[A]

That's not what you're asking.

[B]

And take the pictures for you.

[A]

I'm not taking the Photos?

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't need to.

[B]

Just to be clear, I'm not taking them for you either. But I would expect more, I would expect more respect than I give you.

[A]

Respect than I give you. I'm not taking the photos. I'd be like, here's a link to a tripod, Set it up with a timer. But I'm not gonna be there five inches from your he Shay taking photos of it.

[B]

I'll show you a tripod.

[A]

Yeah, I bet you won't. No, that's bananas.

[B]

It is. It is ridiculous.

[A]

There's no, there's no excuse for taking naked photos of your mom.

[B]

So someone asked him like, hey, what the hell? Sure, yeah.

[A]

Fair question.

[B]

Just, you know, I have a question. Yes.

[A]

My first question is, what the fuck?

[B]

Man in the back, man in the black shirt.

[A]

I already did the thing.

[B]

Oh, do it again. Well, let's be like, all right, we'll be fielding some questions. Hold on one second.

[A]

I have a question.

[B]

Okay. Yes, man in the black shirt. Go ahead.

[A]

What the fuck is going on? What the shithole?

[B]

So he said, he was just like, I, I, it's just, it's not weird for me because I don't get horny. It's, I consider it work. And then afterward he goes, oh, and also cuz it's my mom, I'm not attracted to her.

[A]

Yeah, see, you kicked that one under the dirt. What am I saying? Kicked it under the rug. Are you, you are me.

[B]

I am. You mean you and me?

[A]

What? Yeah. No, that's disgusting. You can't be doing that. Ill. That should be illegal though. You shouldn't, you shouldn't.

[B]

The first part should be like, yeah, I, it is. I'm not attracted to my mom. Let's make that very clear. Like burying that underneath the first part is the weird, you know, like they're not beating the allegations there.

[A]

How do you as a parent approach your son? Like with this.

[B]

Hey, can you take some pictures for me? I imagine. All right, let's role play here. I'm daddy, you're my son. Okay, you ready?

[A]

You're not daddy. Let's get that clear.

[B]

All right? What do you call your dad?

[A]

Dad.

[B]

Okay. I am, I am daddy.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

No. Oh, it's on me to initially sitting in my room.

[B]

Hey, hey, hey, sport. I need to talk to you for a sec. You mind coming and sit down right here on papa's lap?

[A]

I am 24.

[B]

Okay, you're 24 again in this situation. All right, all right. No, I'm sorry. I'M joking around. Just joshing you. Haha. Skirt. Okay.

[A]

Skirt. How would you bring that up?

[B]

I would say. Hey, listen, I. I have to take some pictures for work, but I really don't have anyone to take. I don't have a tripod and I need to get them done soon. Do you mind helping me out?

[A]

What kind of pictures?

[B]

Just stuff for work. Nothing crazy, you know, just.

[A]

What am I taking pictures of?

[B]

Me. It's just me.

[A]

Oh, just like. Like a headshot?

[B]

No, a little more like head to toe, full body shot. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Only like three or four of them. Nothing crazy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

What are you doing? What are you doing?

[B]

What?

[A]

What? Why are you taking your shirt off?

[B]

Oh, well, I'm not gonna be wearing this for my, my, my.

[A]

Are you gonna wear a different shirt?

[B]

Look at what I'm wearing.

[A]

You're gonna wear a different shirt.

[B]

What did you say? I couldn't hear you.

[A]

You're going to wear a different shirt.

[B]

No.

[A]

You're going to be a. This is shirtless. What are you doing? What are you doing?

[B]

I just. I'm not. I'm not. I can't wear. I just said I can't wear this for these pictures.

[A]

What are you wear. Why are you taking your clothes?

[B]

Quick, we got to get this done.

[A]

I'm not taking underwear. Photos of you, dad. And your pants are coming off. Are you changing your. Why are you taking your pants? Shaking your butt off.

[B]

I just. I can't wear this. You have. You understand?

[A]

I don't understand. Let's get that quick.

[B]

Let's get this done. Let's send. I gotta send this Jew and you're already like midnight in Tokyo? Come on. You're.

[A]

You're selling these to Japanese people?

[B]

So that's how you do it.

[A]

Yeah, but, but are you naked now?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I know. I'm running out of it.

[B]

You're really.

[A]

Yeah. No, just.

[B]

Just quick. I already locked the doors. Just stay.

[A]

You lock the door?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not gonna eat? Just. Just take.

[A]

I'm not gonna eat.

[B]

Just take the pictures or the shackles go back on.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's weird. That's what we're joking about. Haha, jokes. It's weird.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's. That's a little crazy. This dude should be questioned by the FBI. Maybe.

[B]

Oh, I don't think it's in this country. I think it's. I think it was in Brazil.

[A]

Brazil?

[B]

Yeah. I don't know much. How would they sound if the mom asked?

[A]

I have no idea. I don't know how to. Okay. You know, I don't know what that means.

[B]

It means, like, little cutie boy.

[A]

Does it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, I remember that.

[A]

You remember that?

[B]

Yeah, I did it.

[A]

Who called you a little cutie boy? I dated a Brazilian girl and she called you that.

[B]

She called me Chuchuku.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What does that mean? Little cutie boy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I didn't. I didn't get any nicknames growing up, so. Yeah, you've never, like, got nicknames.

[B]

Never got nicknames. Like, no one called you, like, anything. You called yourself a lot of things. Agent Zero. You called yourself. Let's see, what else. You called yourself a proud boy for years. Oh, that's all right. You're right. You're still calling yourself that. Okay.

[A]

Yeah, that's it.

[B]

What if you could. Honestly. Yep. Go back to when you were a teenager. If you could have a nickname, what would it be?

[A]

I remember, actually. This is gonna sound so fucking stupid.

[B]

Yeah. Well, that's the show. Welcome back to the Basement Yard where everything sounds really stupid.

[A]

I. Maybe I don't know if you felt this way too, but, like, you wanted a cool nickname.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

That was just, like, not your name at all.

[B]

Hell, yeah.

[A]

And I remember watching the Friday Night Lights movie.

[B]

What was his name?

[A]

And. And one of the running. The running back who gets hurt. His name, his nickname was Booby. Booby Miles. And I was like, damn, I wish people.

[B]

You want people to call you Boo Booby? Because you were so not Boobies.

[A]

Booby.

[B]

Booby.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[A]

That was his nickname, and it just felt mad.

[B]

So that's all.

[A]

Like, that's like, I wanted to be Booby.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I don't think that I ever, like, brought that to our friend group. Be like, yo, how about Booby? Like, I never did that, but I was, like, hoping that you guys would.

[B]

Oh, like, just add a thought. We would accidentally call you Booby and you're just like, yep. Yes. Yeah.

[A]

Say my name again. Yeah, like, I. I was like. I wanted my nickname to be Booby for me.

[B]

That's a weird one, I don't think. Yeah, I mean, you know, our.

[A]

Our.

[B]

Our nicknames were Joey and Frankie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, that was the closest thing I don't think I had. Like, there was one person that we knew that called me Facts.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Chelsea. What?

[A]

I didn't think you're gonna say Facts for a second.

[B]

Yeah. What do you think? Oh, you thought I was going.

[A]

Yeah, I was like, I know.

[B]

It was back in the day.

[A]

But don't say that.

[B]

I know. Well, there was someone that we knew that. That. That you. Some bad words.

[A]

Wait, Chelsea called you Facts?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

I mean, I didn't hate it.

[A]

I know you loved it. We went to the Splish Splash, and Frank got a tattoo across his chest that said F A, X.

[B]

Well, it's facts, too.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Square Fact squared.

[A]

Right. Which is so many facts we had.

[B]

That was our. That was our tag that we never once tagged anywhere.

[A]

Ever.

[B]

Ever. You were Joe Mud. I was Fax, too. There was other kids in our class that, like, wanted one. I remember. I. I remember once, my brother. My brother Nick was like, yo, like, do you think you can come up with a cool nickname for me? And there were these toys that came out at the time, and they were like, little, like, they look like stick figures, but they were made of blocks. And you could, like, change the way that they. Oh, yeah. You know. You remember what I'm talking about?

[A]

Weren't those, like, always in, like, dentist's office or some shit?

[B]

No. Kind of. But, like, you can change the way that they were so you could stack them in, like, a building. Okay. Okay. And called knickknacks.

[A]

So you called your brother knickknacks.

[B]

So my brother was Knickknack. And then. Yeah. I can't remember anyone else.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. I remember my sister when she was, like, in eighth grade maybe there she was dating some kid. And I remember sitting outside of my stoop, and his name was Joseph. Right. Or maybe this was a little older. But I remember sitting outside on the stoop and. And this was like, before he knew my name. And she was standing there with him, and I think I was asking him, like, oh, why do you go by Joseph? Because to me, that was, like, something. My grandma would call me.

[B]

Joseph.

[A]

And he's like. Because the nickname Joey is gay. And that's what everyone called me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I literally was like. And I never said a word.

[B]

You know what's funny is he obviously knew your name.

[A]

No, I don't think he knew my name.

[B]

He was dating your sister. I'm sure that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there was some conversation about. I have a little brother.

[A]

Brother in eighth grade. They don't talk about, like, so what do you do for work? I mean, they just enjoy chocolate milk or whatever the fuck. Maybe I'm underestimating how old.

[B]

Like, when I fucking. Yeah, they talk about their siblings and stuff.

[A]

See, so he was pressing me.

[B]

He was definitely. It was like, a moment of, like, I'M the man in this house now.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Because he's probably in college at that point, right? Yeah. To go. So he had to reestablish himself or establish. Establish himself in your home.

[A]

Right.

[B]

As like, I'm the alpha male here, you know, he was on Runescape, you know, he was busy.

[A]

So he was like, yo, you got a gay nickname?

[B]

Joey? Yeah. Just to let you know, like, I am like, you change it. I'm the only Joe in this house now.

[A]

I didn't really see it that way. I thought that he just didn't know my name was Joey. So I was just like.

[B]

That was a power play.

[A]

Yeah. That's crazy. Yo, that is gay.

[B]

You know what? That's. I, I, I, I, my. I had a code name, I guess. Not a nickname. I think I've told you this.

[A]

You're not a secret agent. Well, it was name.

[B]

No, it was when I was in sixth grade. My sixth grade girlfriend and I would write like notes back and forth, but.

[A]

And your name was Chester.

[B]

Chester, yeah.

[A]

How did you land on the whitest name ever?

[B]

I don't know. I think we did. You pick Chester? Maybe. I'm not sure. It's quite possible.

[A]

What was her name?

[B]

I can't remember off the top of my head.

[A]

Damn it.

[B]

Yeah, I know, but, you know, like, I was Chester. I forgot.

[A]

What was the reason for having a code name?

[B]

Well, you pass notes explaining how much you like someone and it would be. Forget about it. If a teacher caught that, you know, they do one of the whole, like, let's read this out loud.

[A]

That happened to me, Ms. Barbario's class. I was passing a note to Jamie and she took it. She didn't read it in front of the class, but she read it and she was just like smiling and she gave it back to me and I was like that.

[B]

What did it say?

[A]

I don't know. It was something about. I may have like, passed it through you.

[B]

I was so. That was the thing that was so difficult for me is like I was the intermediary between both of you. And I would be like, oh, what is it? You guys like each other? Cool. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No one fucking.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

No one rose again. No one rode for me in fifth grade.

[A]

First of all, I didn't have a.

[B]

Ride or die like you did in fifth grade. No one fucking.

[A]

I didn't have a ride or die either.

[B]

Yeah, she. She didn't ride or die for you. That's what I'm saying, you know.

[A]

But then you made out with Her.

[B]

Well, you know, I will never forget that.

[A]

Forget it.

[B]

I think it's time you can forget. I mean, like, the whole part of it, like you finding out that I will never forget.

[A]

Because you were fighting out.

[B]

I told you. Yeah. You were not.

[A]

I had no investigation.

[B]

No. But, like, I just. I'll never forget telling you that. In your response, you were not happy.

[A]

Yeah, no, it was not good. But I. I'll never forget that. It is seared into my brain.

[B]

Fucking hysterical.

[A]

Yeah. But I don't even know why I brought. Oh, because of the passing notes. But I was in Miss Barbados class. And remember when they made us, like, walk down the hall, be like, oh, this is what high school.

[B]

This is what sixth grade is gonna be. You walk 20ft to your next class. Yeah. Well, I think because they had. They had, like, switched up for math to put, like, the kids that are strongest at math altogether and then weakest together.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, and that's why we were in. We were in the same math classes. We were both good at math.

[A]

Back then.

[B]

I was always great at math.

[A]

Yeah. But believe it or not, me and Frankie were good students.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're only dumb now.

[B]

We're academically probably still very gifted. Yeah. And gifted in other ways. Not Wieners. I'm saying, like, you know, like. Well, why did you say wieners? People say, like, he said, he's got gifts. He's gifted. You know, well endowed. Oh, I don't know why I went to wieners first. I'll be honest.

[A]

Okay, maybe therapy look into that. But yes, Ms. Barbara's class, I was passing a note and then she took it and she saw it. I was like, fuck.

[B]

I also very vividly remember that day, because that was the day the Mount Carmel Dance. And Frankie, I remember it.

[A]

I remember that dance, too.

[B]

And it was like you and Jamie were going to dance together.

[A]

We didn't.

[B]

I know, but everyone was just like, oh, shit, what's going to happen? And I remember because. Where was that school?

[A]

Because it's on, like, 30th Avenue.

[B]

If you had asked me that school was in upstate New York, dead hours away.

[A]

I like anywhere that I had to get in a car. I'm like, oh, my God, I'd be in Pennsylvania.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Swear to God, I thought the exact same thing.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I remember. I remember going and being like, damn. Like, everyone's so tall. Because we were, like, young.

[B]

Yeah. Because they. And they. But they were only like three years older than us. Like, it's not like they were like.

[A]

Like, those three years are insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, for growth of, like, your actual physical.

[B]

And you would see them. I remember there was a kid in our neighborhood that I think was only a year older than us, but I saw him dancing with a girl, and I was just like, that's what I'm gonna be like when I grow up. Like that. Like, that's like. As a kid, you see people, like, older people doing stuff, and you're just.

[A]

Like, whoa, that's so fun.

[B]

That's so sick.

[A]

Like, seeing girls is so.

[B]

This is what the future holds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe even less than a year old. Like a calendar year. Like, six months.

[A]

Yeah. That was. Dancing with Girls was so. Bro, do you remember Alex, the girl's birthday at her crib? And in the basement, they put on, like, Spanish music. And I was like. Yeah, I was mad scared.

[B]

I was. I remember around that time is when yeah by Usher came out. And, like, that was the thing that, like, people just threw that on repeat, and it would be like. Like ludicrous. Yeah, by Usher.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, like, that shit came on.

[A]

Like, I was scared, man.

[B]

And they shut all the lights off.

[A]

Yes. And there was, like, a light machine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That, like, did, like, multicolored lights. And I remember it was her birthday, and we went into.

[B]

And her parents, like, let us be.

[A]

Down there, just chilling.

[B]

Just, like, crazy.

[A]

Put on. Put on these lights, put on music. And I was already mad nervous to, like, dance with girls or do whatever. And then fucking Daddy Yankee came on and almost had a fucking panic attack. And I was like, if someone puts their ass on me, I'm literally Joey.

[B]

Joey heard Rompe one time, and it was. He got very scared.

[A]

I was like, no, no, no, this can't happen.

[B]

No, I hear you. I.

[A]

And I. I think you danced with someone that day. And I was like, damn. Good for Frank.

[B]

Listen, man. I was. I was the mentality of, like, just go for it, dude. You know? Like, I. We did a 180 in so many ways. Like, at that time, I was like, life is short. I was 12. Right. Let's just do it. Sure. Let's just do it now. Live for the moment. Now I'm like, let's take very calculated risks.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Making sure, you know.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. Yo, that's so funny, yo. Dancing with girls, that was such a. Kissing them was like. I don't know if I've ever felt panic like that.

[B]

I really, like. And I am not looking forward to that part of parenting, but, like, I wonder what. This is a weird way to say this. But, like, that was like a rite of passage when we were kids. Like, our parents kind of let us experience life and didn't really talk to us about stuff like that at all. My parents did not.

[A]

Me neither.

[B]

Your parents did. Did not. But, like, I see the relationship that Becca and I have with Miles, and it is very heavily based off of communication and, like, how are you feeling and understanding and like, I have a crush on this person, blah, blah, blah. So, like, what is that going to be like when our kids at that age are like, I have a crush on the boy. Like, bro, Ruby comes home, tells me she has a crush on a boy. I. I'm not kidding. I might kill a child.

[A]

No, you just got to do a background check.

[B]

Not him, not her. Him or her. Whatever she's in to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But, like, that is going to be so weird to navigate. I'm gonna. I'll tell you this. We're gonna have a lot of material for this show. Boy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Because there's.

[A]

Oh, my God, dude, can you imagine? I can't. I like.

[B]

Ah, yeah.

[A]

Teenagers. Oh, God.

[B]

And you know what? You know what will be nice though? I like, my kids are at. Are a couple years older than your kids. Because you have zero. Yeah. So, like, I'll be able to, like, walk you through it. I'll be big bro again.

[A]

When was the first time?

[B]

Say those ads. Go ahead, read those ads.

[A]

We have ads. I'm older than Frank by a couple of months. Anyway, we do have some advertisements for today, the first one being Squarespace. Squarespace is where you're going to want to build your websites. Okay. They have all the. All these amazing templates so that it makes your website look nice and beautiful from the beginning. Okay? Your website is your first impression. So if you have an E commerce business or you create content or whatever, people go to your website. You want it to look professional. I've gone to websites for certain things and the website kind of looks, you know, not great. And you're kind of like, oh, I don't trust this anymore. So, you know, your first impression is huge. So with Squarespace, they're going to make it very easy to make a beautiful website. And yeah, like I said, with the templates, you could switch things in and out so that, you know, you could obviously customize it for your brand or whatever it is. And they also have a bunch of tools that will help you find out where your traffic is coming from to optimize that. So it's the place to do that. Okay. I wouldn't use anything else. Anytime we create any sort of landing page or a website, we're always using Squarespace. So go check out Squarespace. If you need something like that, you can head to squarespace.com basement and you will save 10% off of your first purchase of a website or a domain with that code basement. Okay, so again that is squarespace.com basement and you will save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. So if you're going to build that website. There you go folks. And also we have a new sponsor for today and that's Caraway Caraway. They make pots and pans. Okay. Good looking clean cooking. All right. 95 of home goods are made with toxic chemicals like PTFE or Teflon. Those are not good for you, we've learned. So two and a half minutes is all it takes before a non stick pan overheats and releases toxins. But Caraway doesn't have any of that. Okay. Their cookware has encouraged you to to it'll encourage you to cook more at home and you know, to stop ordering out. It's insanely expensive now to to do that with all the delivery fees or whatever else. But yeah, so it's crazy. You have a non toxic pans that are not only good for you but also good for, you know, people to cook for, to cook with. So you get these pots and pans. They're amazing. I have a giant orange one in my apartment. It's great. Love it. No complaints. It's nice to know that there isn't any like toxic stuff in it that like when you're cooking with it are getting slowly released into your food. So you know, it's nice. 97% of Americans have PFAS, toxic chemicals from non stick cookware in their blood. But with these, you know, you don't have that. So go check out Caraway. Caraway's cookware set is a favorite for a reason. It will save you $150 versus buying the items individually. Plus it's. If you visit carawayhome.com basement you can take an additional 10 off of your next purchase. This deal is exclusive for our listeners so visit carawayhome.com basement or use the code basement at checkout. But yeah, so there you go. Non toxic cookware made modern.

[B]

And folks. Patreon.com the Basementyard is a place we tell you to go to every single week so you can continue to support us if you are so kind and get more of us too. We are currently in transition into A new studio, which pretty much is as a result of the incredible support you guys have been giving us on Patreon. So thank you so much. We are so absolutely appreciative and in love with you guys for helping us do this and live our dreams. So go to patreon.com the basementyard. Sign up for that first tier, and you get weekly episodes one week in advance. And that second tier, you get exclusive episodes every single Friday. So guess what? You double the amount of content that you get from the boys every single week. That's right. Basement yard on Mondays and then exclusive episodes on Friday. So go check it out. Patreon.com the Basementyard. You guys got us to over 33,000 paid patrons. Unbelievable. Can't. It's truly, truly remarkable. And we are so thankful and appreciative, and even if you can't be a patron, we love you and we are so appreciative and excited for 2025. So go check it out. Patreon.com the Basement Yard Joey, back to you. Joey, back to you. I. I think that just kind of coming back to the conversation we were going to, like, we were having before, there is a lot about parenting that, like, I remember my parents saying to me, like, wait until you got to deal with this. And now I am terrified of it. You know?

[A]

Like, oh, like teenagers.

[B]

Yeah, dude. Like, bro, they're nuts. Kids are nuts even when they're not. They're crazy.

[A]

You know, if they're not nuts, they're crazy.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. Like, if they're like. And then, like, if they're not crazy, you're like, wait a sec. What is wrong with my kid? Like, why aren't they a little nuts? You know? So, like, I don't know, do I want my kids to be crazy or nuts?

[A]

I don't know. I think that you are maybe causing yourself some anxiety there with. Judging by the sentence that you just gave.

[B]

No, I'm excited, but also. No, I'm cool.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

I'm cool, dad. Yeah. You know, I am going to do my best, my goddamn best to embarrass these kids, though.

[A]

You're one of those dads I'm gonna have to be. Hey, kids.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. But, like, if they're having their friends over.

[A]

Music while you pick them up from high school.

[B]

Oh, yeah. When they're. They're having their friends over. Door open or I'll rip it off its hinges, you know?

[A]

Oh, like, don't close the door yeah.

[B]

Hell, yeah. What are you guys talking about? No phones. Let me see it.

[A]

No phones.

[B]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, you have. Because you have to establish, like, everyone always thinks you're gonna be a cool dad, you know? Cool dad. Yeah. I'm chill. You know, Like. Yeah. And then these kids come home with, you know, and they're engaged to be married at 18 years old. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Wouldn't that be a good thing.

[B]

Bro, if you went home at 18? Mom. Dad.

[A]

Oh. And, like, not like I married this person in Vegas or something.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yeah. No, that's insane.

[B]

You know?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I thought you meant. I don't know. I. I don't really know. I. Like, I was picturing, like.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Like. Because our parents.

[B]

Who was like, your childhood crush at 18. Not childhood, but, like, celebrity crush at 18.

[A]

Maybe like, Katy Perry or something. Which. Who I would have married at 18.

[B]

So if Katy Perry has said, don't think about it too much, but you just turned 18 and I want to marry you.

[A]

Yeah. I wouldn't have thought about why that's weird until probably today. But, yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I.

[B]

Probably trying to think who.

[A]

I remember being upset that Katy Perry didn't know I existed. I'm saying didn't know, like she does now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, she doesn't.

[B]

There's a better chance that she knows you now.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Oh, there was a less than zero at 18.

[B]

Like, now, she might have just been like, who's this loser that. Exactly.

[A]

That's what I mean. So, like, maybe she saw my face at some point. But I did have a huge crush on.

[B]

I mean, but she's also with California girls.

[A]

Katy Perry.

[B]

Whoa. She's with Orlando Bloom. So I know.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

She'd see your face and just go, this guy. You know she's with Legolas.

[A]

Yeah, it's true. You know, unless I beat him in a sword fight.

[B]

Well, he was never great with swords. Obviously.

[A]

He was great.

[B]

He was good with his sword.

[A]

But not Legolas, bro. I'm talking about Pirates of the Caribbean now.

[B]

Oh, Will Turner. Yes, Will Turner Wilton.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was not great with his sword either. He was just always in the right place at the right time.

[A]

No, apparently he was good with a sword. He was like a blacksmith or whatever.

[B]

Yeah. Doesn't mean you're good with the sword. It means you can. You're good.

[A]

He was good with a sword, though.

[B]

Like, him as an individual.

[A]

That was a whole thing. That was that whole scene of him fighting Jack Sparrow with the sword and Jackstar's like, oh, this guy's pretty good. That's like part of the movie.

[B]

Really. I don't remember that. I haven't watched that. I haven't watched those in a while, but I remember a lot of them being dog. No, some of them got a little.

[A]

The first one was great, too.

[B]

First one was good. Second one was good. And then they. After that they started going.

[A]

I feel like I fell off of.

[B]

When Jack Sparrow wakes up in, like the middle of like nowhere.

[A]

That's like.

[B]

That's like the third one, he gets swallowed by the Kraken.

[A]

Remember in the second one, I don't remember.

[B]

Remember his dad has barnacles on his face? Yeah, that was cool.

[A]

Ugly, though.

[B]

Yeah, well, duh. If you could pick to be in, like, the Lord of the Rings franchise. Hear me out.

[A]

Go.

[B]

You can exist as a character and not like a loser character.

[A]

A cool one.

[B]

A cool character in either Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean. I think this my next is gonna easily give you an answer, but whatever. Or I'll do this. Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean. Because if I. If I ask Harry Potter, I know exactly where you're going.

[A]

Harry fucking Potter.

[B]

But I'm not. I'm not asking Harry Potter because we know you'd be a Hufflepuff.

[A]

Yeah, right. You'd be a Hufflepuff. No, the hats got to be. It didn't fit right.

[B]

No, I'd be. I'd probably be a Slytherin because I'm cunning.

[A]

Frank. You wish you were a Slytherin, bitch. Wish, bitch.

[B]

Go on.

[A]

Go on.

[B]

Pottermore. Right, now let's figure this the fuck out.

[A]

Go on. Pottermore.

[B]

Pottermore. You can get your Patronus. You can get your house.

[A]

What does that mean? Wait, hold on. Is this a website?

[B]

Yeah, it's run by the Harry Potter people. Pottermore, babe.

[A]

So you're just putting in names?

[B]

Well, like, they'll ask, you'll take a quiz and it'll be like, this is what your patronus animal will be. This is what your house would be.

[A]

Pottermore. Find out house. The official Hogwarts house. On. Yeah, okay, yeah, but get sorted now.

[B]

Get sorted, but start the sorting ceremony. Okay, okay.

[A]

All right, I'm doing me.

[B]

All right.

[A]

When's your birthday?

[B]

We know your birthday.

[A]

Oh, it's. It's month first.

[B]

Oh, wait, that's how it works normally.

[A]

I thought they were doing.

[B]

I know. I thought they were stupid.

[A]

Okay, email Address. One of these. One of these.

[B]

You put mine in. If you don't feel, you know, just do it. But you didn't answer as you're filling this stuff out.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean or Star Wars.

[A]

It's going to be very difficult not to.

[B]

Like. That's tough, right?

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Don't be dumb.

[A]

Maybe Star Wars.

[B]

Really?

[A]

You can travel to different planets.

[B]

Terrifying.

[A]

Yeah, but not if you live in the world.

[B]

Yeah, but then you're also under the regime of like Space Hitler regime.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So maybe, maybe Pirates of the Caribbean.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Honestly, like, it's warm because it's just.

[B]

It's just like. It's not fantastical. I mean, there is some fantastical stuff.

[A]

Why are you saying fantastical?

[B]

Like Lord of the Rings. There's orcs and wizards.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Dawn or dusk?

[B]

You are more probably. I would say you are a dusk guy.

[A]

No, I like the dawn.

[B]

Really?

[A]

The dawn of a new day. Dawn.

[B]

All right. Okay. Okay.

[A]

Boom. What are you most looking forward to learning at Hogwarts?

[B]

What are the options? All.

[A]

All about magical creatures and how to befriend care for them.

[B]

You do like that one.

[A]

You like animals flying in a broomstick.

[B]

That's a good one too.

[A]

Apparition. And I'm not even gonna read that. Too many shins. Being able to materialize and dematerialize that. No secrets about the castle. Kind of cool.

[B]

That is cool.

[A]

But transfiguration, turning one object into another, you know.

[B]

We know what that means, Joey. You don't need to like read that part of it.

[A]

X's and jinxes. Ooh. Every area of magic I can.

[B]

I think you would want to be a well rounded man.

[A]

I want to be well rounded.

[B]

Well rounded, yeah.

[A]

Choose a category to continue. Cats, toads or owls?

[B]

Cats.

[A]

Fuck you, toads. Ew.

[B]

Owls. I'll take it. Yeah, Joey's an owl guy.

[A]

Which pet will you choose? Barn owl. Tawny owl.

[B]

What the hell? Snowy owl. Snowy owl. I mean Greece owl.

[A]

Brown owl.

[B]

Wait, hold on. Brown owl is pretty cool. And for diversity reasons, you should pick that. If you don't, you are racist.

[A]

But I like the tawny. He's brown though.

[B]

Is he brown? Oh, there are pictures of these owls.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

That's a tawny.

[B]

Oh, that one looks smart. That looks like it's gonna fit.

[A]

Look at that one though.

[B]

The brown one looks like it'll be a professor.

[A]

This one looks like the one that ate all.

[B]

The tawny one looks like it would be Like a. Like a professor. And he would say something like, you know, like we are doomed to repeat history if we do not acknowledge it.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Which of the following do you find most difficult to deal with? Loneliness.

[B]

You. Like. You like being alone sometimes, but like too much loneliness.

[A]

Boredom. Hunger. Being ignored. Cold.

[B]

What are those that you can't deal with? Like to find the most difficult to deal with.

[A]

I'll say boredom.

[B]

Well, Joey lives in a $40 million mansion. So when you're cold, you just go into your hot tub. You're swimming. Full size hot tub.

[A]

Which road tempts you the most?

[B]

Temps.

[A]

The twisting leaf strewn path through the woods. These people don't realize I'm a puss. The wide, sunny, grassy lane. That sounds beautiful.

[B]

You do like woods, though.

[A]

I. Yeah, but not dark woods.

[B]

Did it say dark or did it say wind?

[A]

Dark and whiny. Windy, twisty leaf strewn path through the woods. Oh, okay.

[B]

It doesn't say dark.

[A]

It doesn't. It look dark. The narrow dark lantern. It lit. Alley.

[B]

No, absolutely not. We grew up in enough alleys. We're okay.

[A]

The cobbled street lined with ancient buildings.

[B]

That one's kind of cool.

[A]

I'm gonna say the wide sunny grassy lane. That sounds right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Once every century, the flutter bee bush produces flowers that adapt their scent to attract the unwary. That's mad words. I can't. If it lured you, it would smell of. Okay, so what would lure me? The scent. Scent?

[B]

Money.

[A]

The se. I do like the smell of money, attention. And. And books.

[B]

And. Oh, yes.

[A]

Smell of books. So if books is an answer, I'm taking that. This one says the sea. Who is tempted by that? What?

[B]

See, the sea smells good. The salty air. I don't hate that.

[A]

A fish home.

[B]

That. That is subjective. Home smell is subjective.

[A]

A crackling log fire. Love that.

[B]

You like the smell of fire though, or do you just like the sound of it?

[A]

I think that. No, I like both. I like the smell.

[B]

Okay. All right. Good.

[A]

Fresh parchment.

[B]

That's book, baby. That's book. But as close to book as you're getting.

[A]

But it's parchment. I think of scrolls.

[B]

Yeah. And what do you think books were made of back then? Joey?

[A]

No, I'm gonna say a crackling log fire.

[B]

Okay. Whatever you want.

[A]

After you have died, what would you most like people to do when they hear your name? Ask for more stories about your adventures. Miss you, but smile.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Think of. Think with admiration of your achievements. I don't care what people think of me after I'm dead. It's what they think of me while I'm alive. That counts.

[B]

That one.

[A]

That one sucks. I'm gonna say.

[B]

Jesus Christ, this is getting morbid.

[A]

Ask for more stories about your adventure.

[B]

What adventures have you been on, Joey?

[A]

None.

[B]

You've drank in several countries. Those are not adventures. Those just prove that you have possibly alone.

[A]

Look at Lewis and Clark over here. Relax. Heads or tails? Head.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

Are you getting your answer? Look at. Don't turn it to me. Turn it to me. Turn it to me.

[A]

The Sorting Hat is ready to make his decision.

[B]

All right, turn to me. And don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. Don't look.

[A]

Did it do it?

[B]

Gryffindor? Yes. Way to go, Joey. Way to go.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Congratulations.

[A]

I'm. And I'm. Here I am. You know what I mean?

[B]

There you are, babe. Now, you know that's crazy. I'm not gonna do mine because either I get Gryffindor and I'm happy, or I get someone else and I'm pissed.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I would love to be a wizard, though. Besides the point, I'm picking pirate. I would still like to be a pirate for, like, a month, but, like a good pirate.

[B]

Like a nice pirate. Like, no, I'd like to rob, but.

[A]

Maybe other pirates I'd like to rob not.

[B]

Oh, so that's pretty good. I mean, I'm saying, like, you're. You're, like, you're. You're the pirates. Pirate. You know, like, you're going after the booty boot, like, of.

[A]

For sure.

[B]

Of the other pirates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And rum. There's that alcohol.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

Right? And wine.

[B]

Yeah. Ah, that one's tough because of all the.

[A]

You don't really like being out at sea, though.

[B]

Being on this. Being known as, like, someone that lives out on the sea is miserable. Kind of crazy, let me tell you that.

[A]

I probably have a really good tan.

[B]

Yeah. And you'd also have a really good couple spots they needed to probably cut out of your skin because of the potential melanoma.

[A]

Yeah, I probably definitely get that.

[B]

Yeah, you'd be an old leathery hag.

[A]

Yeah, but I have a cool hat and probably a pet monkey.

[B]

Let's just get. Why can't we just dress like pirates? Why can't you live in Brooklyn? Most people dress that way anyways.

[A]

That's fair. We could like pirate chic, which is just pirates.

[B]

I mean, you would need earrings, which you have none of. You would need longer hair.

[A]

And I would need mascara. Not mascara, eyeliner.

[B]

Eyeliner.

[A]

Eyeliner.

[B]

I mean, whatever. That's fine.

[A]

A golden tooth. That'd be cool.

[B]

You know what's crazy is all, you know, like, collectively, all of our success, neither of us have gotten grills.

[A]

You think that's crazy that we haven't? Is that what you're saying?

[B]

Why not?

[A]

Wait, you want grills? I mean, Frank, I know that there was a point in your life where you desperately wanted them.

[B]

I mean, hear me out.

[A]

Would you hate it if I had grills?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know that it would go with my whole life.

[B]

Really?

[A]

It doesn't match my life. Grills.

[B]

Yeah. Or at least one gold tooth. Like, what's his name? Like one of the wet bandits. Marv? No. Harry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know. Yeah, do it. Why not?

[A]

I don't know. I don't think I can.

[B]

I think you can pull it off.

[A]

I don't. I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. You probably can't pull off a grill.

[A]

What about you? Would you get like a. Would you get like a diamond chain?

[B]

Like a big one?

[A]

Not like a. I'm not even going.

[B]

To lie to you. I've recently been looking up, getting more jewelry.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because one of the gifts like, Becca got me for Christmas was a watch box. And there's, like, slots for, like, jewelry and stuff like that.

[A]

Like, obviously you gotta feel.

[B]

So now I gotta fill it up.

[A]

Okay. But are you gonna get, like, diamonds?

[B]

No. So I'll show you after. I'll show you some of the rings that I've been looking at.

[A]

Rings?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I need.

[A]

Are you gonna fill up your hands?

[B]

Not, like, fully, but, like, there's gonna be at least two on this hand.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But, like, not at all times.

[A]

Shiny.

[B]

Different colors. Different colors. You know?

[A]

You're a ring guy.

[B]

I think I am a ring guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, but like, this hand, I like it just being my wedding band. Like, it stays on its own.

[A]

It's nice.

[B]

You know, it does its thing. This hand, on the other hand.

[A]

Fill it up.

[B]

Is going to be filled. Yeah. You know, and then I looked into, like, bracelets, and I saw. Because we know someone who is just an absolute menace to society who got like a. Like a Cuban link bracelet. And I was like, I can't ever do that.

[A]

A Cuban link bracelet?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So.

[A]

But would you get a chain?

[B]

Becca got me a chain for Christmas.

[A]

I'm talking about like a. Like a.

[B]

Like a big old one.

[A]

Not like a big giant one, but like something Egregious.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't. I think the one that Becca got me is pretty much almost. It looks almost like identical to the one that you're wearing right now. But like, the way you have your bracelets, like, those aren't bad. Like, those are subtle and like, I'm more into like subtlety with jewelry, you know.

[A]

I'm more into subtlety. I'm filling this hand up.

[B]

I said very clearly I'm not filling it up, but I am going to put some stuff on there. Yeah, you know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just a couple different.

[A]

Maybe take the tape off of your thumb and that would make it look a little better.

[B]

Yeah, no, but like fill it up with tape. If I come in and I have a ring for each hand, that would be insane. Each finger, you know?

[A]

Right. You just think you're thanos with that.

[B]

Yo, I didn't even think of that.

[A]

Don't spend too much thinking about it. It's not very cool. I would say.

[B]

I wasn't even thinking of getting a thumb ring, but now that you said.

[A]

That, I've put a ring on my thumb before.

[B]

Where else have you put a ring?

[A]

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[B]

All right, very good, very good.

[A]

Oh, very good. Dude, we have to talk about. I'm down a rabbit hole. This dude on Tik Tok who is like addicted to soda. And he drinks like, around the clock. I, I, he opened up his fridge and it was just filled with soda. I saw that. And then he's like, people ask me if I have water. And then he's like, at the gym, he's like, of course I've drink water.

[B]

But I also.

[A]

And he holds up like, two Pepsis. And I'm like, bro.

[B]

I also saw that, like, he'll like, pour, like. Because I, I was watching it too. I know what you're referencing. And he opened it and there was like, Fresca. And I was like, oh, okay. Fresca is not like one of the worst. I think it's just like, it's like lacroix.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

You know, like that I could be wrong, but I don't care to find out, right? But then I saw he'd, like, pour a Fresca, and I'm like, all right, that's not bad. And then he'd put like three pumps of like, like Starbucks sugar syrup in it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I have seen that, dude. Not good.

[B]

I mean, he said he can go through like, several 12 packs a weekend.

[A]

Yeah, it said he can claims he can drink three 12 packs in a weekend. That's insane.

[B]

That's a lot of sugar, dude.

[A]

That's like four times the amount of soda I drink.

[B]

I'm not even.

[A]

In a year.

[B]

I didn't. What does this person look like? Are they not like. Well, maybe, Maybe outside they look okay, but on the inside they probably are not doing so hot.

[A]

Even with the sugar content of, of soda. Like, bro, the bubbies. That's a lot of bubbles going.

[B]

Well, some of us are adults and our insides know how to deal with carbonation, unlike your fucking, you know, toddler insides. So the bubbies are not the problem. It's the sugar content, Frank.

[A]

The human body, if you drink a lot of carbonated shit, will get bloated. Yeah.

[B]

And you go like this.

[A]

Bop.

[B]

That's it. Bop. Sorry, Joey, I haven't burped in 20 years. I have a condition which is called what?

[A]

There is a name for it.

[B]

Oh, really? And I saw, I thought it was just like a little jokey thing.

[A]

What'd you think I was doing?

[B]

I thought it was like a little.

[A]

Like, I can't burp, so now you're gonna bully me.

[B]

Oh, is it like a serious medical condition? I didn't know that.

[A]

Serious medical.

[B]

Are you okay?

[A]

Don't act like you give a.

[B]

Now, everyone.

[A]

Now.

[B]

He just guilted me into saying that. So now everyone sit around and let's talk with him. Are you okay? This is what you wanted, right?

[A]

No, it's not little. You're mean. You're mean and you're a bastard. Not in, like, the literal sense, but you're just being a bastard.

[B]

Being a bastard.

[A]

Yes. I have a father.

[B]

I'll wear that. I do. I do. And he's a way. He's a very, like, present. Yes. That's. That's a lot.

[A]

312 packs in a weekend.

[B]

You know what? I used to love soda. But then, like, what was your favorite soda? Coca Cola.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I knew that.

[B]

Yeah. You've made fun of me for that before.

[A]

What's your favorite? So does what? Like, you're like, top five.

[B]

Oh, Coca Cola. Love Sprite. Love Sprite. Orange soda.

[A]

That's like the worst.

[B]

Who loves orange soda? Frankie loves orange soda.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is it true? Mm. I do. I do, I do, I do. Ooh.

[A]

Okay. Fired. Are you wearing yellow socks?

[B]

No.

[A]

Why are you wearing yellow socks? Those are cool.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I am.

[A]

They're like, not just yellow, they're like Easter yellow.

[B]

Yeah. Baby pastels. I'm yellow. Know. I'm exploring my color palette with my clothing a little bit.

[A]

They're socks.

[B]

They're colorful socks, though. Yeah. Sorry, I was kind of hungry.

[A]

I'm kind of hungry.

[B]

Yeah. I get angry when I'm hungry. Back to what I was saying. Yeah. So those are. Those sodas are up there. I like those sodas, you know, but, like, I don't, like, really hate. Oh, I hate cream soda and I hate root beer.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And anyone that likes those.

[A]

Do you like a canned Hawaiian punch? No.

[B]

It feels wrong.

[A]

It does. You know, I need to drink this out of plastic.

[B]

Same with brisk. Although brisk.

[A]

No, I like it in a cake.

[B]

Yeah, I recanted that brisk and nest tea. The one that had the cool looking, you know, like the cool looking snowman on it. Yes. That's sick.

[A]

Fucked with that.

[B]

That was so good.

[A]

Also, iced tea is great.

[B]

Not real. It was. Yeah, sure.

[A]

I remember the first time I had iced tea. That was iced tea. And I was like, what the fuck is this? This sucks. Cuz I was drinking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I remember my dad used to get the powdered iced tea at the lakehouse.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You remember this, right?

[A]

I would dump. No. So growing up, we had, like, the big picture. I'm sure everyone.

[B]

Everyone had the same looking.

[A]

And the top spins. It's like one that has, like, it goes through like this. And the other.

[B]

If there's ice in there. Yeah.

[A]

So we had that. And, like, if you. The rule of my house was, like, if you finish it, then you have to make the new one. And we would just pray to God that Keith wouldn't finish it. Because when this kid would make iced tea, half the bucket is going in here. There'd be an inch of sugar on the bottom of the thing. Even if you stirred it like crazy.

[B]

That's not surprising.

[A]

Crazy. That is the darkest iced tea ever. Or with lemonade. Forget it.

[B]

Yeah. All those powdered drinks. But my dad would do it. And I remember he's like, hey, can you make it? And I went. And I read the instruction, and it was just like, three scoops. And I did it, and I was like, it's just brown water. And then my dad was like, what is this? And I was like, I made the iced tea. And he's like, go, make it the right way. I'm like, how many scoops do you do? I swear to God. He told me 16 scoops. I swear.

[A]

How is there any powder left?

[B]

I don't know. 16, dude. It was like, 16 scoops. And I was like, dad, how is this possible? And he was just like, that's how it tastes good. I'm like, you're just drinking sugar at this point? Yeah.

[A]

That is an insane amount.

[B]

Yeah, my dad would say 16 scoops, but, yeah. I can't.

[A]

The.

[B]

The iced tea, if it's in a can, it needs to be carbonated for me. I can't do, like, fruit punch in a can except iced tea. They get a pass only because of the cool logos.

[A]

A snowboarding snowman.

[B]

Yeah, that's like a skeleton snowman.

[A]

Yeah, he was skeleton.

[B]

He was skeletony. Fuck is that, you know? But, like, I don't know any soda that I could drink that much and not. Forget about the health concerns. Just, like, not hate, you know, three.

[A]

12 packs in a weekend?

[B]

That's insane, dude.

[A]

When I was, like, 21, I couldn't do that with beer.

[B]

Yes, you could. Yes, you absolutely could.

[A]

I probably could in the. At the lake.

[B]

Yo, we should do that for a Santa Gato Studios video. A case race.

[A]

I can't drink a case of beer anymore, Frank.

[B]

I think you can.

[A]

I can't drink 30 beers. Are you insane?

[B]

Teams me and you on a team versus two other people.

[A]

That would also be very tough to drink 15 beers.

[B]

I think you could do it in a day.

[A]

In a day? Yeah.

[B]

It also depends on the way in which you're consuming it. If we were playing drinking games.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We would be Able to do it. But if we were just sitting down, drinking out of a can, we might not.

[A]

15 is so insane.

[B]

We could do it.

[A]

I don't think I've ever drank a case of beer.

[B]

That's just, like, why I have there.

[A]

In college, you drank a case of beer.

[B]

There was a day I'll never forget. I woke. We woke up at, like, 9:00am and started drinking and drank all day until, like, 3:00am yeah.

[A]

Good Lord. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a tough day. A lot of fun.

[A]

You probably woke up the next day. Like, I'm good.

[B]

I remember because this was weird. This is when the state of Connecticut was weird with their. Their alcohol laws.

[A]

Who?

[B]

The state of Connecticut.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

We're like, you couldn't get it after 5pm during the weekdays or some, and then you couldn't get it at all on Sunday Sundays. And so we. I remember me and a bunch of my buddies in college drove to the New York, Connecticut border and bought beer and then drove back to drink it. Wow.

[A]

Probably drank on the way home, like. Yeah, no, I used to do that.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

No, you were allowed to drink.

[B]

I still.

[A]

I promise you that was a law because I looked it up.

[B]

All right, so then not in New.

[A]

York state, but across the border into Connecticut. I was like, bang.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was just open up beers, not driving.

[B]

Let's make that.

[A]

No, no, no. I was. I was a passenger.

[B]

He was not in the driver's seat or probably even in the front seat. You were probably all the way in the back.

[A]

Our friend, who. I won't say his name to incriminate him because he has a career. He. He didn't like when I did it.

[B]

I don't say that. It's terrifying.

[A]

Yeah. I wasn't sitting in the passenger seat. It was a big truck, and I'd be in the back. Then I would just stare at my phone, and we would cross the border into Connecticut. And then you just hear. And he'd be like, yo, yeah, I'm already back here.

[B]

You made it, like, a thing. Yeah. That, like, you were cracking it. You'd go, you know. But try to. About drinking.

[A]

I will say, I think I looked it up, like, within the last five years, and I think it has changed.

[B]

Well, honestly, probably good.

[A]

But it's kind of a crazy law to begin with.

[B]

Passengers over 21 can have open containers of alcohol in a vehicle still. That's what it says here. According to that Gemini, the AI Thing that, like, told the guy to kill himself. Right. Which allegedly, passengers over 21 can have open containers. Each passenger can have only one open container at a time. Drivers cannot have alcohol containers.

[A]

While that's an insane law.

[B]

Yeah, that's stupid.

[A]

There's no reason why you need to be drinking in a car.

[B]

Drivers can't have open alcohol containers in parking lots with 10 or more cars. That makes no sense.

[A]

So they can in an empty one. Yo, let's go to the parking lot of this stop and shop. That's closed.

[B]

No, I think maybe if the car is, like, in park and off. I don't. I don't know. That's weird.

[A]

There is a law that, like, you can drink in your car as long as your keys aren't in your ignition.

[B]

Well, now with. Yes, I. I know what you're referencing now. It's not even about just in the ignition. Like, you can't even be sitting in the front seat because now most cars are pushed to start, you know, like, isn't that crazy? Our kids will never understand turning it like a car on like that.

[A]

Bro, do you remember how fucking cool.

[B]

It was when those first came out.

[A]

Of, like, push to start. You're like, yo, that is like luxury.

[B]

Yeah, I remember when I got my Nissan, it had it in there. And I was just like, yeah, no keys. Push to start. Yeah. You know what? It is everything I do do it big. Yeah. Huh. Screaming. What did you scream? That's something. That's nothing.

[A]

When I pulled off a lot, they stunting that stunt.

[B]

That's stunting.

[A]

But yeah, I remember push to start. When it first came around. I don't like it. I like turning a key.

[B]

I kind of do, too, because you can do it angrily.

[A]

But I also just like when a car doesn't start.

[B]

I like the. I don't mind both of them. My old car, like, the very first car, I had, like. I had to, like, rock in the front seat to get the starter going. Sometimes that's how much of a piece of shit it was.

[A]

How would that help get the starter going?

[B]

Because with the start, like, you. If someone has a bad starter, they say, like, move the car, because that might, like, get it going, you know?

[A]

So you'd be in your car.

[B]

I literally would be in my car, rocking back and forth, trying to. Until you'd see the car from the outside shaking. And it worked sometimes.

[A]

What was your first car?

[B]

A 2001 Nissan Altima.

[A]

2001 Nissan Altima, all black, murdered out. When did you get it murdered out is insane for, like, a Nissan Altima.

[B]

It's just a black car. No, but it had black. Illegal tints. Black rims.

[A]

You had illegal tints?

[B]

Yeah. And remember, I didn't get. So I bought it from a Dominican kid in, like, Bayside for $1,000. And it had the entertainment screen on it. I got it with like 134,000 miles on it.

[A]

Bro, I thought you were going to say 134 at 134,000 miles.

[B]

How do you think it was? $11,000. It was also 12 years old when I got it.

[A]

Joey, that's so insane.

[B]

Yeah, but I rode that thing until it was dust.

[A]

I remember that car dust.

[B]

I remember the day I traded it in. I didn't have the. The tires were, like, deflated. There was a broken flex pipe underneath.

[A]

Probably pissed in that car, you know?

[B]

That's a great question. I don't remember peeing in that car.

[A]

That was something you only did as an adult. Got it. Okay.

[B]

I remember once, Espo and I were driving to the lake house, and I hit something on the road and it broke a pipe underneath. So I would drive and you'd hear. And you literally look under and you would see the pipe like that. And I brought it to a. Where I lived at the time, right next door. Was a mechanic. And he's like, this is going to cost like twelve hundred dollars to fix. Or I can just tie it up. And I was like, just tie it up.

[A]

Just tie it up.

[B]

And he told me, he's like, okay, but you can. Can't drive with the windows up because, like, the fumes can get in the car and you could pass out.

[A]

And you were like, that's fine. I'll just.

[B]

It's fine, that's fine. Windows down. Yeah.

[A]

I remember my mom's car. I was driving to go get, like, sandwiches with Keith or something. And we were listening to a song, and I was looking at him and I didn't realize I was drifting. And I drove over, like, the shoulder and we were bouncing around, dude. And I pulled over finally and I looked under and there was like this metal part and there was just like these giant cuts in it.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I was like, I. This car up.

[B]

I. I one time pulled into, ironically, a liquor store, and they were doing work on, like, the. The entrance from. To the parking lot from the street. And I guess I had taken my eye off the road for a sec and I hit something. It wasn't anything living.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It was already a dead person. No, no. And then I got. I went. I like, parked, went into the store, bought us everything. I was buying Came back and there was a puddle of oil, like. And I had, I had fucked up the oil pan underneath the car of your.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

So I drove it to, like, the mechanic the next morning because on the way home, it was smoking bad.

[A]

Smoking.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it was smoking bad, dude. Yeah, that's fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

My first car was like, it was nice. It was good.

[B]

Yeah. No, mine was not a Mazda 3.

[A]

I think it was nice. It was like, it must be nice being 219amonth.

[B]

Must be nice. I paid a thousand dollars cash for what could only be described as the biggest piece of car on the planet. But I have a soft spot in that, in my heart for that place, that car. Like, I, it, it, it did it.

[A]

We're all shocked that you missed your old car.

[B]

Piece of that thing was a piece of shit.

[A]

I'm surprised you gave it back. Didn't I keep it in my garage?

[B]

I dropped it off. I dropped it off at the dealership. I traded it in. They gave me fifteen hundred dollars for it.

[A]

You made money on that car somehow. How many miles did it have?

[B]

I mean, technically, no, because I fucked up that pipe.

[A]

Wait, how many miles did it have?

[B]

200,000 probably. Yeah.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

Probably 200,000 miles on it and they gave me $1500 for it. And they didn't even, like, they didn't say, like, let's go see the condition. They were just like, we'll get. Yeah, we'll just give you the. For the parts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Little did they know, those parts were dust.

[A]

Yeah, they were tied up. They're held together by literal string.

[B]

Literally. Not an exaggeration, Joey, but Yeah, I.

[A]

Told you with my car when it got smashed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the guy was like, oh, can you just pull it down the street? I'm like, dude, I'm scared that I'm gonna turn the car and it's gonna explode.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I literally couldn't shut the door and I had to drive it down the block.

[B]

That's the other thing is I, I, I bent the door backwards on that one. How did you do that? Oh, no, not backwards. So I was pulling out of. Remember the gas station up the block from us in Astoria?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I pulled out and I was like. I guess I looked back for something and there was a street sign, like a no parking street sign. And where the front. I don't know how it explains, but, like where the door hinges and where the front bumper meets, there's like a crease right there. It hit there and it bent. It Backwards. So my car door couldn't open more than like this. So then I brought it to. I brought it to the guy that both of our dads know. The mechanic that was on 23rd Avenue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he. And he used some tool on it where he, like, put a crowbar in and there was like a thing on a track and he, like, it was like a weight and he threw the weight back and it popped the thing out. He's like, you're good.

[A]

Damn fire.

[B]

So sick. Being a mechanic is sick, but also sucks. Yeah. I love the idea of just having dirty hands all the time and a face and just like a.

[A]

And my wife beaters all fucked up.

[B]

Yeah. And he just like. And also you wear the same thing to work every single day. And it has a cool little. Your name on your name, you know? Yeah, it's just me youe know? Yeah, it's no problem. I know. Your daddy's your buddy of mine. Don't worry about it. Buddy.

[A]

Always a buddy.

[B]

He's always a buddy.

[A]

Love that. Anyway, folks, those are our shitty cars. Well, one of us had a shitty car. I had a nice car. I did drive my dad's minivan for a very long time, and that was filled with sandwiches and newspapers.

[B]

Yeah, that was a strange place.

[A]

Yeah, I was.

[B]

We knew someone growing up that had a big, giant red van that just didn't have seats in the back. And we would drive places just sitting in the car.

[A]

Hello. You're looking at him. That was me.

[B]

No, there was somebody else too.

[A]

Mine was a red minivan.

[B]

I know. This was a red, like, work van. There was no windows.

[A]

Who the fuck was it?

[B]

I'll tell you after. I don't want to say any person's name.

[A]

So strange because there was no seats in my dad's car.

[B]

Yo. Nothing.

[A]

No bench, no nothing.

[B]

Like, not even, like, you could see the rivets or where they took it out. It was just not there.

[A]

Yeah, that was the same thing with my dad's van.

[B]

It was weird.

[A]

I delivered pizzas in that.

[B]

Yeah, I. I would sit back there on the way to, like, Jones Beach. It was so weird, bro. Weird place, weird place.

[A]

Things happen. Anyway, where can they find you? Frank?

[B]

Go find it, guys.

[A]

Go follow the show at the basement yard on Tick Tock and Instagram. Tick Tock is still.

[B]

We don't even know you. But also patreon. Patreon.com. the basement yard.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. But, yeah, that is all. Thank you guys so much for the support. See you guys next time.