#489 - We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Basement Yard Episode #489 - "We Have A Bloody Mary Brunch"

Release Date: February 10, 2025

Hosts:

• Joe Santagato (A)
• Frank Alvarez (B)

---

1. Welcome to the New Studio

The episode kicks off with Joe and Frank introducing listeners to their revamped studio space. Joe compliments Frank’s collection, particularly a Power Ranger toy, highlighting the personal touch Frank brings to the new setup.

Joe (00:14): "This is the new studio, so you're looking at it now. It's very lovely, Frank. Nice little Power Ranger you got there."

2. Introducing the Bloody Mary Hot Sauce

The primary focus of the episode centers around the launch of their latest creation: Bloody Mary Hot Sauce. Joe explains that this is the second iteration they've developed, following the "Everything Bagel" hot sauce.

Frank (00:49): "I'm not being a shill because you pay the bills. It is really good and it does go on everything that I have consumed."

Joe emphasizes the versatility of the hot sauce, sharing their plans to incorporate it into a Bloody Mary brunch event to celebrate their inaugural season.

Joe (01:04): "But we're going to put it in a Bloody Mary because we got... We're doing a brunch episode for the inaugural."

3. Planning the Inaugural Bloody Mary Brunch

The duo delves into the details of their upcoming brunch event, expressing enthusiasm about the dishes they'll feature, such as well-cooked hot dogs. They humorously discuss the challenges of perfecting the hot dog buns, resulting in a playful debate over the texture after microwaving.

Frank (01:27): "I don't know. But look at these bloodies, baby. Look at that."

4. Personal Story: Charlie's Illness and Vet Visit

Joe shares a heartfelt and comedic account of a rough day involving his dog, Charlie. Charlie's sudden illness leads Joe to a frantic vet visit, where unexpected events unfold, including inappropriately high veterinary bills and an awkward encounter with a fan of their podcast at the clinic.

Joe (09:30): "Had one of the worst days of my life. But you know me, Pisces dramatic or sensitive, I don't know. Either way, I did want to cry."

Despite the chaos, Joe humorously recounts Charlie's antics post-vet visit, including defecating on himself and causing further embarrassment during a ride home.

Frank (12:25): "Pretty good, yeah."

5. Discussion on Furries and Puppy Play

Transitioning from personal anecdotes, Joe and Frank engage in a lighthearted conversation about furries and the concept of "puppy play." They explore the nuances of the furry community, distinguishing between full mascot costumes and more casual expressions of identifying as dogs.

Frank (24:36): "Furries is different because first they're like sect... They're just dogs."

6. High School Memories and Humorous Classroom Experiences

The hosts reminisce about their high school days, sharing funny and sometimes cringe-worthy memories. Frank recounts a science class where a teacher deceived students about eating a candle, revealing it was merely string cheese disguised to appear as a candle.

Frank (63:26): "He was like candle? And then ate it. I was like, yo, this guy's crazy."

Joe adds his own stories about challenging Spanish and science teachers, highlighting the humorous struggles they endured during their formative years.

Joe (69:10): "And then she was like... Just having a funny worst day or."

7. Humor Segment: Farts and Tattoos

In a recurring comedic vein, Joe and Frank delve into discussions about farts, public perceptions, and even legal implications. They humorously debate the merits and absurdities of someone being charged for "cyber farting," blending exaggeration with playful banter.

Joe (35:23): "How's your chicken? How's your chicken tendy?"

The conversation then shifts to tattoos, where they critique various tattoo styles and placements, adding to the episode's humor.

Frank (47:01): "Look at this. There's no such law against cyber farting. Of course. Of course. There has to be."

8. Ongoing Banter and Light-Hearted Teasing

Throughout the episode, Joe and Frank maintain a dynamic and playful interaction, teasing each other about personal habits, preferences, and past experiences. This camaraderie adds an engaging and relatable layer to the podcast.

Frank (61:16): "If you ever handed me a yellow one, I'll tell you right now, I'm throwing it against the walls."

9. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Joe and Frank revisit the Bloody Mary Hot Sauce, encouraging listeners to try it and support their endeavors. They briefly touch upon upcoming shows in Vancouver and Europe, inviting fans to join them at events.

Joe (75:20): "There you go. Go to the basementyard.com and submit the responses to the questions that we've asked you. It's going to be a party."

The hosts bid farewell, leaving listeners with a sense of anticipation for future episodes and events.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Frank (01:26): "I don't know. But look at these bloodies, baby. Look at that."
• Joe (09:30): "Had one of the worst days of my life. But you know me, Pisces dramatic or sensitive, I don't know."
• Frank (24:36): "Furries is different because first they're like sect... They're just dogs."
• Joe (35:23): "How's your chicken? How's your chicken tendy?"
• Frank (47:01): "Look at this. There's no such law against cyber farting. Of course."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Community Engagement: Joe and Frank emphasize their connection with listeners, sharing personal stories and inviting audience participation in upcoming events.

• Product Promotion: The Bloody Mary Hot Sauce serves as a central theme, showcasing the hosts' entrepreneurial spirit and culinary creativity.

• Humor and Relatability: Through their candid and humorous exchanges, the hosts create an engaging atmosphere, making listeners feel part of their dynamic friendship.

• Personal Growth: Joe's anecdote about dealing with his dog's illness highlights themes of resilience and the humorous side of life's unexpected challenges.

---

This summary captures the essence of Episode #489, focusing on the main discussions, personal stories, and humorous interactions between Joe and Frank, while omitting advertisements and non-content segments.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard, Frank.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Ooh. I. You know how I'm triggered by pointing. So cut it the out.

[A]

This is the new studio, so you're looking at it now. It's very lovely, Frank. Nice little Power Ranger you got there.

[B]

So for if people that watch the Patreon episode, they know that it was up for debate what I was going to be allowed to put up here because you.

[A]

Yeah. You brought a lot of toys.

[B]

I did. Mostly toys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But some stuff made it. So I think it's well representative of me and. Well, representative hot sauce.

[A]

Yeah. Today we. You guys can go get this Bloody Mary hot sauce. Okay. This is the second version of the hot sauce that me and Greg did. The first one was the everything bagel hot sauce, but this is a Bloody Mary hot sauce.

[B]

And again, you guys, listen, I, I'm, I'm. I'm not being a shill because you pay the bills. It is really good and it does go on. Everything that I have consumed, I have not had it in a drink.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because I don't know why you'd put that there. But.

[A]

But we're going to put it in a bloody marriage because we got.

[B]

Bloody marriage.

[A]

Bloody marriage. We're doing a. We're doing a brunch episode for the. Inaug. Inaugur. Inaugur.

[B]

Inauguration. Joey's really pumped. He's celebrating. He's been celebrating the whole time.

[A]

How do I say that word? Inaugural.

[B]

Inaugural.

[A]

Inaugural.

[B]

Inaugural. But technically, if we want to be.

[A]

Inaugural.

[B]

Inaugural.

[A]

Inaugural.

[B]

I don't know. But look at these bloodies, baby. Look at that. I mean, you have the chicken tenders on yours. I obviously went with a really well cooked hot dog with a.

[A]

With a. What's going on with the bun is my question.

[B]

The bun. So, Greg, thank you for setting this up. Greg, I appreciate it, but he. When he heated up the. When he went to heat up the hot dog, he also went and put the bun in.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Microwave.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So it came out like play doh. But it looks good. It is wet. I'm excited, though.

[A]

Can I get some of the. Oh, it's a proper brunch episode. It is.

[B]

You know, the boys like to do brunch one way and.

[A]

Oh, my God, this chicken looks amazing.

[B]

Out of control. And the hot sauce too. This guy, he knows what he's doing.

[A]

He does know.

[B]

He knows what he's doing.

[A]

He's doing stuff.

[B]

Although.

[A]

Thank you so much. One syrup. What am I. What are we doing? Rationing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are we.

[B]

It's tough out there, Joey. The trees. The trees.

[A]

You know what I've always wanted to eat?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Rations.

[B]

Should we do a ration episode?

[A]

A ration episode? You know how they have, like, canned.

[B]

Something from, like, canned peaches from the 50s or something?

[A]

Yeah. Like, I'd like to get my hands on some war food, you know what I mean?

[B]

You gotta be careful, man. Some of that stuff, I mean, I think canned, like old timey, like survival food is different than, like, rations. Like rations, you'll get like. It'll be like Buffalo chicken, but it's like pressed into a cake.

[A]

That's what I mean. That's what I want to try.

[B]

You want to do. I think we can get rations. What are they called? MREs. Is that what they're called?

[A]

Are you asking me?

[B]

I. You seem to know a lot. And also in your spare time, you and your boys eat a lot of shit. So I imagine you would know what a ration is.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know, Frank. Cheers.

[B]

Cheers.

[A]

We're not gonna make it, dude. We're not long enough.

[B]

Come on. Yeah, come on. Cheers, brother.

[A]

Cheers.

[B]

And this has the hot sauce in it, right?

[A]

Cheers, big ears.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The hot sauce is in here. We made it with the Bloody Mary hot sauce.

[B]

All right, here we go. That's not bad. That's good. That's good. Right amount of spice.

[A]

Yo. That's actually good.

[B]

Right amount of spice with the hot sauce.

[A]

It's actually good. It's actually good also. I'm gonna say this. I made it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I made the drink. It's not bad. So maybe all the ones that I've had in my life, that I have hated is. But you're already on the hot dog.

[B]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. How many? Frankie, you are the most disgusting piece of bastard I've ever seen in my life.

[B]

Good.

[A]

You're dipping a hot dog in the Bloody Mary.

[B]

I mean, we're in Rome.

[A]

We're not in Rome. We aren't anywhere close to Rome.

[B]

We're closer to Rome. I'm gonna put my syrup some other places. That's correct. Can you give me one of the. Actually, I don't need it.

[A]

I'm just hearing Frankie, chew in my ear.

[B]

Is it bad? Is it miserable? There are people on the Internet, I love this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People that have, like, big fat crab legs and they're like, yeah, dude, I have.

[A]

I have a theory. Not a theory, but, like, you.

[B]

You've thought enough to establish a theory. For mukbang?

[A]

No. So, like, when it comes to food mukbangs, there's, like, very specific ones that each. Each race does. Frank, what the fuck are you doing? These are brand new desks. Frank has already gotten salt, pepper, and a tube of hot dog all over it. Are you performing surgery over there, sir? Oh, my God. This is disgusting.

[B]

I've always wanted to try this ever since I saw that Asian guy doing it at a baseball game.

[A]

He's using the hot dog as a straw, aren't you?

[B]

Oh, I broke it. I need to play, like, a flute.

[A]

He's. He's sucking the hell out of that. Did it work? Yeah, it's good.

[B]

That's pretty good. No, bad. All right. I'm sorry.

[A]

It looks gross.

[B]

And there are a lot of people that are watching this that are like, I'm tuning out already. Yeah, it's all right. But we're here. We're live. We're large, the boys. When we do brunch, we have one speed, and that's. Let's do this.

[A]

Let's. And that's. Let's do this.

[B]

Pretty good.

[A]

I haven't been to lunch. I haven't been to brunch in a very long time.

[B]

Oh, fell in again.

[A]

What time do you think brunch is?

[B]

Well, give me a range.

[A]

When does it start?

[B]

I say 10 to 2. Yeah, because, like, how hard is that.

[A]

Bloody Mary hitting 10 o'clock in the morning? You think I'm going to brunch?

[B]

I. I don't know if you. What's the earliest you've drank? I think we've done this together. We've drank it like 8:00am yeah.

[A]

When we were like, 17.

[B]

It was sick, right?

[A]

Wrong. 21.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't see anything wrong with it, but like a morning drink. Maybe it was the potential of alcoholism at the time, I think so that it's way harder than an afternoon.

[A]

My Irish roots were really coming through.

[B]

Yeah, they were. They were present and available.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm just. I think 10 to 2 is the perfect brunch.

[A]

I was thinking, like, noon to 3.

[B]

Noon is lunch by definition. Noon is lunch by definition. Definition of lunch.

[A]

But what's a brunch? It's breakfast. Lunch.

[B]

It's in between breakfast and lunch.

[A]

And lunch doesn't end at noon.

[B]

I say breakfast. Here we go. Breakfast for anywhere from seven. It couldn't even be earlier because people, you know, let's say five to ten is breakfast, bro.

[A]

No way. If you wake up at five and eat, you're Disgusting. That's insane.

[B]

No, people do that because they have.

[A]

That's bananas.

[B]

I mean, people work early, so they have to but like delay it.

[A]

Have coffee and then eat like an hour later.

[B]

Some people. Some people are on different rhythms than you.

[A]

I understand that, but clearly not.

[B]

Clearly not.

[A]

Yeah, I.

[B]

Too loud. I didn't realize he had headphones on. In for a world of hurt over there. Sexy.

[A]

That Bloody Mary is beating the out of you.

[B]

Oh, God, it is.

[A]

You got one sip in him and it's already going crazy.

[B]

I'll be honest, this hot dog is doing a lot of work.

[A]

Yeah, you like it?

[B]

I've been on a health kick lately.

[A]

Frank, you're drinking a Bloody Mary and sucking it through a hot dog. The health kick is over. The health kick is completely over.

[B]

Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's. It's gone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I got hot dogs at the house too. So those are on call right now. I'm telling you that when you eat.

[A]

A hot dog, is it kind of like a waterfall? You're like, well, I need three.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Like we have hot dogs. We only have four hot dogs at the house right now. And I actually.

[A]

Why do you know the inventory of how many hot dogs are available? Like, why do you know that?

[B]

I just know. You know how many hot dogs on hand you have.

[A]

No, you don't.

[B]

Yes, you do.

[A]

Well, I don't.

[B]

How many hot dogs you have on hand.

[A]

Zero.

[B]

Exactly. You know how many on hand.

[A]

But if I had.

[B]

That's the point.

[A]

If I had a package, I wouldn't know how many were in there.

[B]

Yes, you would.

[A]

No, I wouldn't.

[B]

Joey, if you bought a package of eight hot dogs, because that's a standard package, small package.

[A]

See, I didn't know that.

[B]

Yeah, you did. You knew that. Yeah.

[A]

Package, small package.

[B]

That right? If you bought a package of eight and you had three, you'd be like, oh, so I probably have five left. You know, don't sit here and be high and mighty because you ran a fucking marathon and now you eat quinoa and you fucking. You like ancient grains and shit like that. You're. You're a boy that loves hot dogs. You're a hot dog king. Don't ever let the world. Don't ever let the world change. Who you are in your heart. Who you are in your heart dictates everything about you. Your morals, your standards, the love that you show other people. And all of us, all of us are originally hot dog kings or queens or non binary places of royal. I don't Know, I don't know what the. You know that. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Can you hear, like, the amount of bullshit that comes out? Like, do you. What do you. What does it register as, like, you're. You're making sense or do you know.

[B]

It'S often time I started a sentence and I want to see how long I can go until I just trip up.

[A]

That actually makes a lot of sense. There's a lot of that going around. Anyway, I want to talk about yesterday. Had one of the worst days of my life.

[B]

Oh, like a funny worst day or.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That was a little dramatic, I was gonna say.

[B]

God damn.

[A]

But you know me, Pisces dramatic or sensitive, I don't know. Either way, I did want to cry.

[B]

Do me a favor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Get the fuck out after that. Pisces dramatic.

[A]

Apparently, that's it. Yo, this is not bad. Yeah, it's kind of like Bloody Mary's not bad.

[B]

I hate the.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you, it's because of this, which it probably is. Sauce is amazing. Get it? Heatness dot com, by the way, secret handshake food company.

[B]

Just want to throw that out there. Bangers.

[A]

But, yeah, Yesterday my dog woke me up at 6am and he never wakes me up. So when he woke me up, I was like, great. Now he's got diet doodle cha cha cha. Which it was true.

[B]

Oh, the fun little name that your family gave diarrhea.

[A]

My mother. Yes.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, this is the family that swears that none of them have ibs. Go ahead. Ooh. Gotta say, I got metal straws.

[A]

Yeah. Because this one almost just broke my.

[B]

Front tooth just now. Your what?

[A]

My front tooth.

[B]

Oh, he said fuck, too.

[A]

My fuck tooth.

[B]

This is the episode, baby.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[B]

Welcome to the new studio.

[A]

That echoed. But he woke me up. So he's got die doodle cha cha cha. So I take him out. Sure enough, he's making espresso out there in the morning. Right.

[B]

God damn it, Joey, there's 90 other ways that you could say that.

[A]

Yeah. So then we get back upstairs, and I'm like, all right, I'm going to take him to the office with me. So. So me and Greg came here and we had a lot of stuff to do. The dog is driving me crazy. As soon as we get here, he needs to go out. So I take him out immediately. More espresso, right? Please sing the song, please.

[B]

You just can't sleep, Manny. I know. It's a butthole espresso.

[A]

Exactly. So then we come Back in here, and he's being restless. He's going up to Greg. He's getting in my face and breathing and whatnot. And I'm like, oh, my God. Just relax for a second. Go to the bathroom. As soon as I go to the bathroom, he throws up on the carpet.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

So there's that.

[B]

Oh, he christened it.

[A]

He christened it.

[B]

You know how people like a new. Like, when their friend gets a new car or something? They throw, like, spare change on the floor or something like that. That's what he. That's the dog's way of christening this new place.

[A]

The Greeks do that shit.

[B]

They tie dollars all over the place.

[A]

What is this?

[B]

There's. There's. There's sometimes stupid.

[A]

Say it.

[B]

I'm Greek. I could say it, baby. And this is this. This. This espresso. Vegetable espresso is killing me.

[A]

I don't know what that meant, but God bless him.

[B]

I can't have alcohol.

[A]

I know, but anyway, we get in here and he's freaking out. So he throws up on the carpet. I'm like, oh, my God, here we go. So I put him on the couch, and I'm just like, you know, trying to make him relax a little bit. This dude throws up like a fat man.

[B]

Like, a lot.

[A]

Like, throws up like boof.

[B]

Like, bro, when he throws up, do you hear him heaving, or is it just like a push?

[A]

No, you hear? Yeah, yeah, he does that.

[B]

All right, I'm about to eat.

[A]

Yeah, well, the story doesn't get better. Oh, as far as eating goes, I don't know if it gets better in any other way.

[B]

I was gonna say, how would it get better at all?

[A]

So he. So he throws up like that. I'm like, fuck, now I gotta take him. You mind shutting the fuck up? Are you forgetting that we're on a podcast? What the is this kid? Frank, you're not actually at brunch.

[B]

Here we go. Shut up, Joey.

[A]

Me shut up, Frank? You know what? Let's all wait until Frank's done cutting his breakfast. How about that?

[B]

I showed up hungry.

[A]

Are you done?

[B]

Pretty good, yeah.

[A]

So then I'm like, I gotta take him to the vet. Frank, you shut the fuck up right now. I hate this kid. I absolutely hate you.

[B]

Go ahead with your story about your dog.

[A]

Oh, you know what? Forget the story. Let's just listen to you fucking eat. Let's just listen. Let's just do that. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful story later about something super cool. Or they'll start Rattling off names of directors no one's ever heard of.

[B]

Let's look at Guadagnino. Okay. Keep going. No. Okay, I'd like you to stop Drew Goddard.

[A]

No.

[B]

Matt Reeves.

[A]

I meant stop eating and drinking. That's what I meant.

[B]

All right. All right, hold on. One more. Onward.

[A]

Wow, you're really.

[B]

Your cheat. What?

[A]

I was gonna say your cheeks touched in there.

[B]

You saw that, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, go ahead.

[A]

So anyway, I go to the dog. I go to the vet. Can't find parking. I'm like, what the fuck? So I put it in a hydrant and I get into the. Don't you dare eat that piece of chicken, Frank. Don't eat the fucking piece of chicken, all right? This is like having children. You're pointing at no one. There's no one over there.

[B]

All right, shut up.

[A]

Guys, I'm not gonna tell the story if you're gonna keep doing this. I know that you're having fun, but I'm gonna come over there and put you in a chokehold.

[B]

Okay? All right. All right. I'm serious now. I feel bad about your dog that might be dying.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know.

[B]

Oh, shit. Seriously?

[A]

No, I don't know.

[B]

He's not scary.

[A]

Yeah. Will that get you to shut up?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then he is dead.

[B]

I mean, listen, if we. If this was a serious health concern for your dog, then I would have stopped playing around.

[A]

Oh, you're playing?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're a piece of shit, dude.

[B]

All right. No, seriously.

[A]

One more outburst and I'm tearing the walls of this fucking studio down. I will throw all the money away.

[B]

I don't think you'd do that. This was not cheap.

[A]

I will throw the money away.

[B]

All right. Go ahead. Seriously.

[A]

So anyway, I get to the vet finally, and I put it. My car, in a hydrant. I take my dog out, I walk in, and they, like, take him in the back, and I tell them, like, what's been going on and whatever. And then I come back out to the waiting room because, like, we'll take him in the back, we'll give him, like, meds or whatever. So I'm sitting in the waiting room, and, like, two minutes go by, and then this girl comes out from the back with a laptop. Well, before I got there, they're like, here's what your bill's going to be. Do you want to do the X ray? If you want to do the X ray, it's this. It was seventeen hundred dollars. I was like.

[B]

With the X ray?

[A]

With an X ray. I was like, you know what? I'll just.

[B]

I'll look.

[A]

Look at them really hard, and then I'll figure it out. So I was like, I'm not doing this.

[B]

You the person with zero medical experience for humans, let alone animals.

[A]

Correct?

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

But then the bill was 800 bucks.

[B]

I was like, I mean, you don't have, like, pet insurance. I do, but it's still with pet insurance. It was 800 bucks.

[A]

No, I think you have to, like.

[B]

Oh, it's like rebate.

[A]

Yeah, that's thing. I was gonna say mail in rebate, but that's completely wrong.

[B]

I mean, that might be. Technically, I don't know. You mail in the check, and then they rebate you.

[A]

Yeah. They bait you.

[B]

They'll bait you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Master Rebaiters. Sorry, that's. That was the.

[A]

If you're gonna produce this show, you can't cough.

[B]

That was my bad.

[A]

Yeah, he's eating. He's coughing. Come on.

[B]

This is serious.

[A]

Yeah, be serious. The dog is the dog. So I go out to the front. The girl comes out with a laptop. Now, I get super scared.

[B]

That's scary.

[A]

Because she sits down, she goes, okay, so you're Charlie's dad. I was like, yep. And then she's like, okay, we just wanted to let you know. And I was like, bro, what the fuck is going on right now? That's.

[B]

Fuck that. That.

[A]

So scared.

[B]

30 seconds. Must have felt like four minutes.

[A]

I was like, he hasn't even been back there long, so I can't imagine there's anything too crazy going on. But she's like, I just want to let you know that we're very big basement yard fans. And I was like, this.

[B]

God damn it.

[A]

Just scared the shit out of me.

[B]

Oh, see? They should have ran with it. They should have ran with it if I. If I was her. Your dog. I'm telling you, your dog has something crazy. And I'm like, pranked. You've been franked, right? I'm a big basement yard.

[A]

That's why you're not a doctor. Can you imagine this kid as a doctor? It's like, yo, your son died. It's like, what?

[B]

Nah, he has a fever. Did you ever see, like, an idiot? Did you ever see. Oh, you've never seen Arrested Development? And have you seen Arrested Development?

[A]

I have not.

[B]

The doctor that they consistently run into that just, like, uses double entendres, and they're all like, we don't know what the fuck this guy's trying to say. And they're like, well, I have some Bad news. He's going to be all right. And I'm like, how's that bad news? He's like, because the left side of his body is all paralyzed. He's going to be all right.

[A]

So she tells me she's a big. They're big basement yard fans and they're going to give me $500 off. I was like, what?

[B]

You better insane the name of this place. You better promote this shit.

[A]

Like it's a brown city bond vet. Shout out to them.

[B]

Good for you.

[A]

So then I'm like, okay, cool. Some sort of thing that worked out today. Take. Take Charlie home. This is where it gets interesting. Get him in the car. They give me all the pills and shit. We. I drive there. And then as soon as I get out of my car, he walks over to the first tree that he sees, lifts his leg like he's gonna pee and starts firing out yellow diarrhea, right? No.

[B]

Can I ask you a serious question?

[A]

I'm not done.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

As the stream gets less and less. Now he's just shitting on his own leg. The one that's in. In the ground. So he's shitting on his leg and I'm like, bro, this is so fucking disgusting. Right? Yes.

[B]

You picked the episode where there's food in front of us. Enticing food, may I add that I'm not allowed to eat, apparently, according to you. And to tell this story. Yeah, okay, go ahead.

[A]

So I take him into the house real quick.

[B]

I'll be honest. I'm trying to find the right time. Just don't eat it here.

[A]

Fucking guy. All right, so.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

For good night. Look, I'm clanging and banging.

[B]

Look, I'm not clanging or banging. I'm doing this. There's no banging of clangs. I'm just. I'm like removing the meat. By the way, this is good looking chicken. Where'd we get this from?

[A]

Sweet chick.

[B]

Oh, never had it. Isn't that the place that Nas partially owned? Yeah, that's cool. Nas come on the show.

[A]

That would be extremely strange if Nas came on this show.

[B]

That would be cool, though.

[A]

We'll all wait. We'll wait for you.

[B]

No, no. Onward. I'm not clanging or banging.

[A]

So he's got shit all over his leg. So we go into the elevator and there's a woman who. A woman gets in the elevator. I'm like, this is my worst nightmare now. Because the woman. What would you do? Are you throwing up? What's going on?

[B]

I'm Trying not to have the sound of my chewing in the mic.

[A]

Great. So we get into the elevator, and the woman who gets in, she's like, oh, he's so cute. And I'm like, if this woman only knew, right? Because he's face, like, turned around.

[B]

Oh, he smells like shit in the elevator, bro.

[A]

The most dog shit you've ever smelled in your life. Yo. She literally keeps checking her shoes.

[B]

She thinks it's you.

[A]

No, she thinks she stepped in dog. She keeps checking her shoes.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

She's getting off on, like, the 16th floor. And I'm like, get this woman out of here. So she's, like, checking her shoes, like, twice. She checked them. And I was like, nope, not. Not the dog shoes. Not the dog shoes. Not. Not dog. It's my dog's leg.

[B]

Your dog's leg?

[A]

Yeah. So then I have to get. Put him in the tub. I put him in the tub, right?

[B]

Disgusting.

[A]

I put on.

[B]

This is so gross.

[A]

I put on gloves.

[B]

I. I hope that you're not going in and. Did you at least take your clothes off?

[A]

I took my shirt off.

[B]

So you're shirtless with gloves, washing your dog. There is a whole sect of the Internet that is just horny right now.

[A]

Which one? What porno is that?

[B]

I don't know. You tell me. King porno.

[A]

King porno.

[B]

You're king porno. There's.

[A]

You just got horny. You're like, oh, shirt off.

[B]

Wash. You think I got horny for you? You think I got horny for you? You. You wish.

[A]

Frank, there is multiple edits on. On the Internet of you getting horny to me.

[B]

No, I'm not horny for you. I've never been horny for you. Never. You know why? You know why I'm straight?

[A]

You didn't say that very convincingly. You want to know why? Because I'm straight.

[B]

Oh, dude, I'm telling you.

[A]

If.

[B]

If you were to post a picture with your. With yellow, you were using Dexter's mom's gloves.

[A]

They were white. Oh, they weren't long. They were just hands.

[B]

Oh, so it was just like, magician, like, doctor. Oh, wait, wait, you have cloth gloves? No, they were latex or, like nitrite or whatever it's called.

[A]

Nitrite?

[B]

Is that what it's called? Nitrile? Nitrite?

[A]

Napalm? No, no. I don't know. They were just white gloves. They were like. They're like latex.

[B]

All right?

[A]

And I was, like, washing them. So some of it got in his tail. Right. And the reason why I know that.

[B]

You had a jerk off his tail. So glad someone else is here now to laugh at me, because, like, how else would you clean a tail, brother?

[A]

I mean, yeah, you gotta, like.

[B]

You have to jerk it.

[A]

So I start jerking.

[B]

Here we go. Now we're talking. How are you? Were you standing next to him or over him?

[A]

He's in the tub, and I'm like, lean. I'm, like, kneeling next to the tub, so I'm, like, washing him.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

And the dude hits a shake.

[B]

He shakes shit in your face.

[A]

He didn't shake shit in my face, but he definitely shakes shit on my chest. He shaked, and there was a streak of diarrhea.

[B]

Let me.

[A]

From nipple to nipple.

[B]

Let me.

[A]

And I literally was just like, get move over. I hate today. I think I actually yelled that. I hate today. And it was just like.

[B]

I was like, bro, I would pay thousands of dollars.

[A]

You should.

[B]

Thousands of dollars to have been a fly on the wall for that.

[A]

You know, the. I have those loofahs that are like a ball.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, the one that look like, you know, like, they're like, let us willy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I almost took my chest off with this in the shower. Just. Yeah, I had diarrhea on my chest.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Connected my nipples.

[B]

That is. That is. That is bad.

[A]

And that's kind of how it ended. I mean, he's still sick right now.

[B]

He's better, though. Yeah. Like, I mean, this would be a really not fun story if, at the end of it, he, like, died.

[A]

No, no, no. I just got a text from the vet today, and he said, like, his blood work is normal.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He may have just eaten something that, like. I don't fucking know. Oh, I did give him a hemp chew the day before this happened, so maybe a what? It's like, cbd.

[B]

You're giving your dog drugs?

[A]

It's not drugs. Like, it's. It's for anxiety.

[B]

I don't know about that. It sounds like you're. You're. I mean, whatever, but anxiety.

[A]

Anxiety blowing meth in his face? It's. It's fucking cbd.

[B]

I love how your dog's. Your dog has anxiety. I wonder why he just let go of his entire fucking week's worth of food on himself.

[A]

He's a. He's a very sensitive and, like, cuddly guy.

[B]

You know, they do say that dogs take the personality of their owners, their handlers. I don't know what the proper term is. I don't want to offend any dog.

[A]

I mean, I don't have anxiety, but I definitely like to cuddle. And, like.

[B]

I have a question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So you know how there are people out there that like to, like, dress up as dogs and, like, be on leashes and, like.

[A]

Furries. Yeah.

[B]

Are they furries or are they dog people?

[A]

No, they're furries.

[B]

They're. They're furries. But furries is different because first they're like sect.

[A]

Where they are. They're just dogs.

[B]

I'm saying. I'm not talking furries, because furries are in, like, mascot costumes in, like, big helmets. Those are expensive, too, I would imagine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm talking the people that, like, wear, like, the, you know, the ears and the face thing, and they, like, hop over fen. Yes. Yeah, yeah. The person that is there in. In control of them. How does that, like, what do they call them? Like, are they in a relationship?

[A]

Oh, like a master dog.

[B]

Yeah. Like, is it. Is that what it is is, like, dog Dom. You're my dog Dom. Dommy dog.

[A]

Type in dog play. Is it dog play? Want me to type in dog? Yeah. Oh, God. This is my computer. Yeah. Dog playing. Oh, that's just a dog.

[B]

That dog. A play pen. Dog play.

[A]

No, it's just gonna be dogs playing.

[B]

Humans are dogs. Humans are dogs, and they play. Put it.

[A]

Put in humans when.

[B]

When humans.

[A]

Human wearing a leather dog face.

[B]

Human wearing leather dog stuff.

[A]

Wearing leather dog faces.

[B]

Dog mask. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even boom, boom.

[A]

Leather puppy. Oh, it's pup play. Puppy hood dog. It's pup. They're all pups. They're young.

[B]

Play. What. What color?

[A]

Whoa. Go to that one.

[B]

That one looks cool. That looks like it's straight out of.

[A]

Oh, my God. You would love that. Looks like a Power Ranger. Honestly. Click on that one.

[B]

I kind of, like, don't hate it.

[A]

Click on that.

[B]

I think they're pretty pricey, though. Yeah, because of, like, dog 170. That's nothing, dude.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

We got the Puppy Avengers. That's the Puppy Queen. Oh, my God, they're about to sing Puppy Bohemian rapture.

[A]

Which one is the coolest go?

[B]

Honestly, it's.

[A]

I think the red or the yellow? Red one.

[B]

I mean, the guy has the. Look at.

[A]

The blue one is clearly the leader, though. Clearly.

[B]

I don't know. Whoa. Dude, that looks like if it was, like, a proud boy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? They'd wear that, and then they'd post something that's like, defender.

[A]

Oh, shit. These are cool, though.

[B]

They are pretty cool.

[A]

Should we get some?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Actually, honestly, I'm down.

[B]

There's a company. What is this? Mrs. Leather. Hey, make custom ones for the basement yard.

[A]

I think it's Mr. S Leather.

[B]

Ah, that might be it. Let's see. You could make a custom one. Please select a mask feature. Is that what that says?

[A]

There's one review. Oh.

[B]

Oh, is it Mr. Whoa, this is a long one. I'm gonna read it. So they're reviewing the neoprene K9 hood. Mr. Leather has been the name and quality kink gear for my personal journey. And their hoods are, in short, my gateway to home. Okay, good. Hey, we're not kink shaming here, baby. At all. At all.

[A]

I will say. Have you ever walked around on your hands and feet like a dog in your life?

[B]

Of course. I love it.

[A]

I think it's fun.

[B]

Going up the stairs is peak.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Going up the stairs as a human sucks. Going up the stairs as an animal. Really cool.

[A]

Really cool. But have you ever tried to go down the stairs on your hands and feet?

[B]

I'll try it tonight. I'll let you know how it goes. I'll create my will and testament first.

[A]

We need to find a new fucking co op here. Yeah, and we also have ads that.

[B]

We have to go. You were sitting there waving for, like, really?

[A]

Ads? I get excited, dude. I get excited. But we do have. We do have some ads for today. Okay. Going to have to type in my password here that I don't remember for some reason. Okay. The first one we have here is Better Help. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help, which is online therapy. This opportunity to eat.

[B]

I'm trying to go really quiet. You heard no clanging or banging.

[A]

BetterHelp is online therapy. If you want to dip your toe into the world of therapy, you can do so with better help. You can talk to a therapist in just under 48 hours. I've been in therapy for years. I think it's very beneficial. I think that everyone should be in it. But, yeah, and also, it's just not for people who you think you have some, like, big traumatic thing that you have to get through.

[B]

Whatever.

[A]

Like, even if you feel like you don't have anything, like, any pressing matters or whatever, therapy is very helpful to help you with, like, decisions that you'll be making in the future or just better understanding yourself. At least in my opinion. I think it's very useful in that way. So for anyone that would like to start doing therapy, you can do so with BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.combaseMyard today and you will get 10% off of your first month. Okay, that is spelled B-E-T T E R H E L P.combaseManyard right now for that 10% off of your first month. And like I said, I've been in therapy for years now, and I think it's very beneficial. So shout out to BetterHelp. We also have Fitbod. Fitbod. It creates a personalized workout routine based on your goals, fitness level, and your experience. It can be very educational because they have over a thousand demonstration videos. So even if you've never, you know, started your fitness journey or you don't know anything about fitness, you can learn a lot from these demonstration videos. You could also do it in the privacy of your own home. If you don't have access to a gym or you don't have any equipment or anything, they can still create a personalized workout routine that's body weight or if it's just dumbbells, or if you have full access to a gym, they also can create a workout routine for that. And they also track your muscle recovery so you can avoid burnout. So, yeah, it's like having a personal trainer, but better. And you can do it, you know, whenever you want. And you can save 25% off of your subscription or you can try the app for free for seven days at fitbod Me Basement. That's F I T B O D me slash basement. Okay, so go to fitbud Me slash basement right now. Get that 25 off your subscription or try that for free. Enjoy.

[B]

Yeah. And listen, if you want company along the way and whatever journey you're taking this year, why don't you bring the basement yard, baby? Patreon.com the basement yard brings more of us directly into the palm of your hands or on your TV, however, you consume the basement yard. So go to patreon.com the baseman yard, and you sign up for that first tier. You get these weekly episodes. One whole week. That's right. Seven whole days in advance. And then every single Friday, you get exclusive episodes just for you and the other patrons that you can check out. So you start and end your week with the basement yard. Thank you so much. The reason we're in this new studio really is because of all of your support, especially the patrons. So we thank you guys. If you're able to take the Patreon journey with us, we welcome it. Also, we have two upcoming shows. We have the shows in Vancouver at the Just for laughs. What the hell was that? I didn't Even mean to put it at the Just for Laughs Comedy Festival. And then we're doing the shows over in Europe. Let's make sure we specify Europe. Go to the basementyard.com submit let us know what shows you're coming to and submit questions, you know, answers to the responses that we have in there. We did it last year during the.

[A]

Shows, prompts, they have the response.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. You know, we did it last year during the shows. They were really fun. People enjoyed them and we liked interacting with people. It was a highlight for us too. So go check it out. Thebasementyard.com submit if you're coming to those shows and we'll see you there. All right.

[A]

Lovely.

[B]

That's beautiful.

[A]

What?

[B]

You wanted the other hot dog, right?

[A]

Me?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[A]

Well, you're here.

[B]

The bun came out. There's a bite taken out. You took a bite of it and you gave it to me, you freak. And the bun.

[A]

First of all, there are rules.

[B]

I did. I texted him.

[A]

No, I meant you said, throw me a hot dog. No, I did it fucking.

[B]

I said, joey wants the other hot dog to eat. Can you bring it to him?

[A]

Greg, you can hear me.

[B]

But also, like, you know that this bite that he took out of it, he was so upset by it. He was just like, this is my cheese.

[A]

I really should.

[B]

He didn't like. He's like, it's not cheese, so he'll eat it. I am pretty. I'm not even lying. I wanted that. That hot dog. So crush it. You didn't want it? Well, no. The buns on the floor. Now eat as much as that hot.

[A]

Dog as you can in one bite.

[B]

I'm not doing this. Joey, there's a.

[A]

Don't do it sideways.

[B]

There are some sneaky. That's way worse. There are some sneaky people on TikTok that'll. They'll be able to get videos of that, clips of that very quick, and it'll end up all over the sites, I'm sure, as you have sites that talk about your fucking sick feet? There are sites that talk about people. That Deep Throat stuff. I'm not doing it. Nice try, America.

[A]

Did I tell you that one time someone tried to get me to sell my fart to them? Or sounds of my fart. Oh, yeah, Recording of my fart.

[B]

Yeah, that happened to me too.

[A]

I should have done that.

[B]

That happened to me. Someone messaged me that. Remember their name. They're like, Their name was fart.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Fart slave Frankie.

[A]

I thought it was like, fart slut.

[B]

Close enough.

[A]

Yeah, same thing.

[B]

But they wanted my. They wanted my farts. I have too much pride to record my. My farts and sell them.

[A]

I don't. I just will. For the right price. I will sell. I will sell over.

[B]

So I think we talked about this a while ago. Has your price changed as it gone my fart? Yeah. Has your price of your. You have value more valuable farts than you did three years ago if someone.

[A]

Was willing to offer you like, like, yo, next time you fart, take a video of it and just send it to me and I'll send you X. How much would that have to be per fart? 1. One sitting of fart.

[B]

Am I paying taxes on the money?

[A]

No, it's cash. It's not cash.

[B]

It's a Zell, man. First of all, I'm gonna get in trouble because if I get once, you know me, once I get into something, I'm in for the sprint.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? So if I get. I would say, realistically, $500. Too much.

[A]

Too much.

[B]

Of course, too much. Hi.

[A]

500. Who do you think you are.

[B]

Queen Elizabeth bitch that you? You have to set your standard high to make your farts more appealing.

[A]

Yeah, Frank, you're not selling it to me.

[B]

I'm just saying business 101 over there.

[A]

I'm farting.

[B]

I mean, if you're gonna. If you're going to ask me, sell me this fart.

[A]

Sell me this fart. I think.

[B]

I think if you want to make. If my farts are only gonna have more value if I put them at a higher value. Think about it.

[A]

Where are you gonna settle, though?

[B]

I would settle on 350. You know, shark Tank, baby. You go in, go for a quick.

[A]

Fart, a little fart. Who's got that kind of money? It's not Warren Buffett by any means.

[B]

If you're off. Hey, how do you know?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

How do you know? You think the person's legal name is Fart Slave Frankie?

[A]

No, but I.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

But they. You need to. You need to.

[B]

How do you know it? Who? How do you know it isn't someone of, like, high status like, like Katy Perry on the other end or.

[A]

Katy Perry's paying $350 to hear you fart?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Orlando Bloom. I'm sure he farts. He looks like he does.

[B]

No. You think he farts? What are Orlando Bloom's farts? Smell, sound like? Not Smell like. What do you think they sound like, Really?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I was going British. I was going frank, die, poop. So stupid. It's got to have a funny deal. Got it right.

[A]

It's got to.

[B]

I imagine these are good drinks again.

[A]

Buddy. Mary, hot sauce. Eating this dot com. Enjoy that.

[B]

Yeah. Speaking of farts.

[A]

Oh, yeah, pull up the farting.

[B]

There was a story that farting. Put up the fart. No, no, no. Very careful. Very careful, dude.

[A]

The story that we had about farts on there.

[B]

Oh, my God. Stinky farts. There was a story that came out of, of all places, ironically, uk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. Oh, this is a uk yeah, yeah, yeah. Woman gets charged in the first ever cyber farting case, which, if you had.

[A]

To guess what that meant, I mean.

[B]

Cyber sex, cyber farting, cyber cyber spitting.

[A]

That's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that just means, like, I'm texting fart to you a lot. You know what I mean?

[B]

I think cyber now is just being used to. It's just used as a. As a highway. However the. However the car gets there, it's just a highway. Cyber Frankie.

[A]

What could that even begin.

[B]

To me, like, that's like cyber, you know, cyber bullying. It's just. You're bullying, but you're on the highway of the cyber. Does that make sense? It's. It's used.

[A]

That is like the. The most incorrect way of interpreting. Cyber means digital.

[B]

Yeah. So it's the. It's.

[A]

Where is the highway?

[B]

It's the method of transportation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, if you were to drive to my house, you would say, how'd you get there? High highway. And I would say, all right, how did you get the bullying across? You say cyber.

[A]

See where you're going now? But that's an insane way to.

[B]

I don't think it's insane. I think it is coherent.

[A]

And can we go back up to the title. To the title of this thing? So the case. Woman gets caught. Get. One gets charged in the first ever cyber farting case after relentlessly sending multiple videos of herself farting to her boyfriend's ex.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Which is a very interesting way to get back at someone's ex. Like your ex.

[B]

Maybe. Maybe I'm just putting my head in the. In the mind of the fart.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe it was like the ex thought they were being sneaky by messaging the boyfriend, and she's like, I got his phone. I'm gonna send a voice note back. But it's just farts.

[A]

Well, it's video, so it's It's. Ew. It's her leaning over and farting into the camera. Do you want to guess how much she had to pay for. Oh, it was settled. Was the case settled?

[B]

Yeah, I saw she was charged.

[A]

Charged. She was charged. Definitely cover your nose because you're an adult. Can we see? You want to see the number? Yeah. Yeah. Also, I didn't know this was a crime.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

This does sound like something that you would charge. That you would charge someone with.

[B]

If one of my ex girlfriends did this and sent you, I'm telling you right now, she's getting the cops called on her. I know. Without jokes.

[A]

Okay, so she.

[B]

I love how you can see.

[A]

Look at this. There's no such law against cyber farting. Of course. Of course. There has to be. There's no. There's no law against that. How much does she end up paying? Nearly €300. What.

[B]

What's the. What's a conversion rate?

[A]

I mean, it's a little more than 300 bucks. Maybe it's like 320 bucks or something.

[B]

That's a lot of money, dude. That's a ton of money. I was sending some farts. I mean, you can recoup your losses real quick.

[A]

You go back to. You go back. This probably. This probably actually helped the farter.

[B]

Yeah, Anything. This is like free publicity.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

And what do they say about publicity?

[A]

All. All publicity is good publicity.

[B]

Even it's. If it's about your dumper, Right?

[A]

Yeah. Even if it's about your. Your blowing farts.

[B]

Yeah. You know how much I hate this story.

[A]

Do you believe that? Do you think that all publicity is good publicity?

[B]

No.

[A]

Me neither.

[B]

No, I do not.

[A]

I'm like. A bad publicity would really hurt my feelings.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, there is a very. There is bad publicity. I mean, I think you can argue that, like, there's levels of bad. Like, bad publicity is probably, to some people, good, but then, like, when it gets real bad, not good, I don't.

[A]

Want any bad publicity. I'd be. I'd be, like, upset by bad.

[B]

I mean, you know what?

[A]

I don't even need good. I'm gonna. I'm cool with just pub maybe. You know what?

[B]

I'm gonna recant my statement here, and I'm gonna be. I'm gonna play devil's advocate. Maybe for the individual, it's not good publicity, but maybe for other people in the world, it could be considered good publicity. So, like, let's use the example of, like, a real he. You know, a serial killer gets caught for that person, for the serial killer. Bad publicity for the other people that were potential victims. Good publicity.

[A]

How's that good publicity there?

[B]

Now they know who the serial killer was. They're.

[A]

They're called, he's going to jail or.

[B]

All right, so they. They find out that there's a serial killer. Bad publicity for the serial killer that's out there. Good publicity for the people that are worried about being serial killed.

[A]

I think you're confusing publicity with just news.

[B]

Is that not the same thing?

[A]

I mean, I don't. I think publicity refers to more of like a reputational.

[B]

I think publicity is like, first of all, we're saying publicity so much that.

[A]

It'S so many times, like, there's no publicity with like, it's gonna rain. Oh, that's good.

[B]

But the publicity is, is the, The.

[A]

The.

[B]

The spotlight that is put on you. It's not necessarily the whatever's being written. It's just the fact that there is. You are now public. It's making public of something in a city.

[A]

Publicity. What does it say? I can't read Publicity notice or attention given to someone or something by the media.

[B]

Well, there you go. So news is by definition publicity.

[A]

Yeah, but like, no, but, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, but no, no. Yeah. Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if you're. Yes or no.

[B]

No. Yeah, got it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The point. The point really made it here. I. I think, you know, that's a.

[A]

Kind of a crazy way to get what someone, though.

[B]

If you are in how many.

[A]

How many farts do we know that? How many. You know how many videos of farting this woman sent? Is there like a number? I'll be honest, because one is like, bro, chill. But like 30, bro.

[B]

Anything more than five, I would say is excessive and requires criminal.

[A]

Oh, my God. Wait, what does that say at the end of that? The court also sentenced Evans to a 12 month community.

[B]

What is that with a two year.

[A]

Two year restraining order?

[B]

Yo, two years for farting? I'll be honest. If I sent videos and I got 12 months of community service, I am fuming.

[A]

Is community service picking up trash on the highway?

[B]

It could be. It could be, but I know that it could be other stuff.

[A]

Like what?

[B]

I mean, there are like a baseball team work. Yes, it could be like. I mean, that's what Gordon Gekko did. Not Gordon Gekko. That's from the other one, Gordon Bombay.

[A]

Who's Gordon?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He got community service and he went and he taught the ducks. Yeah, it's a different movie. It's his father, technically. No different. I mean, you know, you could just.

[A]

You have to get back to the community.

[B]

There's, like, you could work for, like, you know, with ymca, big brothers, big sisters, shit like that. Like, there's other ways to do community service than just picking up trash. But that is one way, I guess, right?

[A]

Yeah. I do think picking up trash or those big sticks is kind of cool.

[B]

Kind of want to poke trash with sticks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just being like. And then just throwing it in a bag.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That'd be so sick.

[A]

I don't. I don't know why it's always the highway.

[B]

Have you ever done community service?

[A]

I think I had to do it in high school or something, probably. Right. Did we have to do it in high school? Yeah, I did a whole year in a food pantry.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

That just sounds like he was in a food.

[B]

Yeah, just sitting in a food.

[A]

I did a whole year in a pantry.

[B]

I think I did a lot during college.

[A]

I can't remember actually doing community service. I may have forged that, to be honest, because I don't remember doing anything.

[B]

I think it was in my. My college, you, to graduate, had to do some form of it, or maybe. No, maybe I'm wrong, but, like, you definitely, like, in my college, it was like, you had to do some form of, like, volunteer work.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Which, you know, people go to, like, soup kitchens.

[A]

What is a pantry? You give out food to the.

[B]

Yeah, it's like a soup kitchen.

[A]

Right, okay.

[B]

But it's not soup. It's just all food.

[A]

Yeah, it's just like, boxed goods.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Sardines. A lot of sardines.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Sardines? Because people donate and no one eats sardines. I guess it's a lot of sardines.

[B]

You ever had a sardine? You ever had a sardine?

[A]

No, but I. The thing cracking open that candle.

[B]

That looks so cool, dude. Back to rations. Yeah, back to rations. Yeah. I will say this raw, okay. You ever seen the videos Worried about.

[A]

Me of the cans and they come with a little key, and then you.

[B]

See, and they have to, like, twist it. That's what I was gonna say. If you gave me 30 seconds, you would have allowed me to say this. Anytime I watch the old Looney Tunes or Tom and Jerry, and they fucking do that. Oh, that looks so sick.

[A]

Yo, why do we move away from cans, bro?

[B]

We're still very much so using cans, bro.

[A]

I know, but, like, we don't have the key canned anymore.

[B]

I know. Key cans are really Cool. I think it would probably got too expensive to produce that.

[A]

Oh yeah, Maybe they're like. We settle for plastic and now we all have microplastics.

[B]

No, we still. We still have cans, but it's just they no longer come with a key. The key itself is probably like. They were just like. We would save $0.30 poor per thousand if we. It does look really so cool. Have you ever seen the ones where it's like a little knife, it looks like a spearhead and they like cut the can? Yeah, that shit looks cool.

[A]

It looks like I would fuck that up though.

[B]

You probably would.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuz you're an idiot.

[A]

No, you'd fuck it up too.

[B]

No way. I'm opening cans all the time, dude.

[A]

Yeah, but they have the. It's easy.

[B]

No, I have a can opener, but also I just have a.

[A]

Can openers are cool as too.

[B]

We used to have one at the lake that was magnetic and it was like mounted to the cabinet and you literally just hold the can up to it and it sticks to it and then it just like spins it. It spins it and it stays there until you pull it off. It was so sick.

[A]

Damn. That's fucking cool. But I would rather crank.

[B]

I mean, I don't like. Modern can openers are kind of stupid.

[A]

The ones that like clamp down, like.

[B]

Hold down and you do this.

[A]

I liked it though.

[B]

And we. We as a society used to be way cooler with opening cans.

[A]

I like when Popeye opens this shit.

[B]

What was. What's.

[A]

What a weird thing to eat to make you strong. Spinach.

[B]

I mean, spinach is pretty good for you.

[A]

I mean, it's not like it's like protein or something. You know what I mean?

[B]

Is there protein in spinach? I don't know.

[A]

I don't know if there is. It's not like.

[B]

That's a good question.

[A]

I'm sure there's maybe like a little bit like trace amounts of protein.

[B]

I mean, trace amount. Yeah.

[A]

How many protein in Sprint?

[B]

0.99 for serving one cup.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's a cup of.

[B]

That's nothing.

[A]

And he's eating a can, bro. This guy's getting, you know.

[B]

Oh yeah. This is back when they were just like, oh, smoke cigarettes. Your kids will be great even if they're in utero.

[A]

Also, was Popeye even strong? Dude. It was just his forearms, my brother.

[B]

You ever see those cartoons? This guy was lifting up pound but you know, doing that old timey punch. You know what I'm talking?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Charging up his. That old Time he punched and then he hits. What's the guy's. What's Popeye's bad guy's name? Bluto?

[A]

I don't know. Idea. Remember when old Irish people used to fight like this?

[B]

What's wrong with you? You listen. You guys are. What is this? You had it wrong. That was the dumbest way. Do you remember Popeye's girlfriend's name? Welcome back to pop.

[A]

Sally.

[B]

Popeye talk. Nope.

[A]

Sally.

[B]

You'll never guess this. I'll give you four more guesses.

[A]

Is it a two name? Like you got a last name?

[B]

Well, it's a two name first name.

[A]

Oh, like Mary Lou?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was it something like white trash like that?

[B]

No, I've never heard anyone else name this. Have you? No, no, no, no.

[A]

Is it like Bullseye or something?

[B]

No, but kinda.

[A]

It's not a name.

[B]

It's not a name.

[A]

It's not like lampshade.

[B]

It's partially, I guess, could be the.

[A]

First letter O. Orange. No, you know, you. What's her name?

[B]

You it up or.

[A]

Or. Or.

[B]

Went back. Olivia.

[A]

Olive, bro. Her name was Olive.

[B]

Olive.

[A]

What branch? Olive. Olive oil.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Wow, that took you too long, dude.

[A]

I honestly didn't know her name at the beginning of that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that was. You know, that was my nickname as a baby. Olive Oil Popeye. Why? What's so funny about that?

[A]

Look at you as a baby.

[B]

My face. Like, I would always do that face. Oh, and smoke cigars.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And I had massive tumors on my forearm.

[A]

Yeah. And a tattoo of an anchor.

[B]

Why that. Why?

[A]

He's a sailor, bro.

[B]

Was that a thing that sailors were like? I love being a sailor so much, I'm gonna tattoo it on me.

[A]

You know how like the. The basic girl tattoo is like a dream catcher?

[B]

Dream catcher? Yeah, butterflies.

[A]

Butterflies.

[B]

You know, for men, it's names and numbers.

[A]

It's a Roman numeral.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Crosses the. This.

[B]

Oh, no. The worst one I've ever seen is I knew someone that had their first and last name on like one on each arm.

[A]

That is banana.

[B]

That is the worst one.

[A]

Having your own last name across the top of your back, bro.

[B]

I'm trying to think if we know anyone that has that.

[A]

I mean, I think a lot of people, bro.

[B]

Did you ever see. We should just make this a back tattoo talk? You ever see Hulk Hogan's back tattoo? One of the worst I've ever seen.

[A]

Is it worse than Ben Affleck's?

[B]

It's in different ways worse.

[A]

I've never seen his tattoo look at.

[B]

This piece of tattoo.

[A]

What does that say?

[B]

It says immortal.

[A]

Immortal. Dude, what is he, Dracula?

[B]

No, that's the. Well, his name was the first of all.

[A]

His back. Looks like someone's spreading their open, doesn't it?

[B]

This poor guy. Bit that looks like a bun hole. Dude, babe, babe. This poor guy's head, like two dozen back surgery.

[A]

Poor guy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honestly, there's some.

[A]

Yeah, no, that's bananas. That's bananas. Now bring up. Go do Ben Affleck's. I'm a. I like Ben Affleck.

[B]

I like Ben Affleck. That back tattoo is a bad one.

[A]

It's a bad one, I think, because it's just like.

[B]

I think in theory it wouldn't be that bad. But just like on him of all. What the hell are we doing places like. That's just such a bad.

[A]

It's just like.

[B]

That is cool as a Pokemon. It's whole back.

[A]

That would be cool on a playing card.

[B]

How do you feel about, like, character tattoos? Like, people that get, like, sleeves that are like Pokemon or something like that?

[A]

I think old sleeves look cool. If there's like. If it's like, look, it's like Josh.

[B]

Josh has sleeves of, like, different horror characters. I think that's pretty cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, it is a little strange that he has it, the clown.

[A]

Does he?

[B]

Yeah, he got Pennywise.

[A]

I'm sure it looks great.

[B]

It does. It does look good. He's gonna be pissed when he sees it. He's gonna be like, fucked up papa.

[A]

No, but the. This is kind of like.

[B]

It's just. It's so out of nowhere.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Yeah, it's just like. That's the thing. If he was like, openly just like, love talking about phoenixes, I would get it.

[A]

That just looks like a Moltres.

[B]

No, he wishes it was a Moltres.

[A]

Oh, here we go. Some deep cut Pokemon. Go ahead. Who is it?

[B]

No, I'm not gonna say any Pokemon, but I'm saying, like, there's a lot of blue on there. Like, if it was a Moltres. Yeah, we got to see some of these.

[A]

Oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm not going down here. Jesus Christ.

[B]

Yeah, no, that was. That was a bad. You ever see Stevo tattooed a penis on his face? Yeah, he got a penis coming into his eye or pissing. I don't know if what it is.

[A]

I'm sure it's come. But where. Where? It's up here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Coming in.

[B]

You didn't see type. Look, I probably.

[A]

We're on main YouTube. Yeah, we're not showing. We're on main YouTube.

[B]

Well, he goes on main YouTube. He has his own show. I'm sure he's okay.

[A]

Yeah, but he probably covers the kamai or whatever.

[B]

I mean, we have sponsors. Oh, we're going right to the sponsors.

[A]

We do have sponsors.

[B]

You haven't even touched your chicken.

[A]

Well, you know, I'm considerate. I think we have Prize picks, okay? Prize picks is the best place to get real Money. Sports Action, 10 million members and billions of dollars in awarded winnings, okay? People are making money doing this and you can now win up to a thousand times your money on prize picks. It's really easy to understand, okay? A lot of the other, like, games that you could play and, you know, do this type of stuff with. You have to know stuff about the game, this and that. This is a lot easier, okay? All you have to do is pick more or less than the projections, okay? So you're not battling against anybody else except these projections. So still in the playoffs, I mean, we're going to the super bowl here, but in the super bowl, you can do prize picks more or less like I said. Or, you know, it's not just football. Also, it's for the NBA. It's for, you know, any sport you can think of, basketball, football, baseball, hockey, whatever it is, you can do this with. But it's more or less. So you put in a couple of entries and you do more or less, and then you. Ann is crawling on the ground right now and that kind of scared me.

[B]

It's been on the ground for five.

[A]

Minutes, but you guys can do that. And right now you can sign up today, download the app and use the code basement. You will get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Okay? So if you want to have some fun, make some money, like I said, you can win up to a thousand times your money with just picking more or less of these projections. You download the app today and use the code basement to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Okay? Prize picks, run your game. And lastly, here we have factor. Okay? If you're ready to optimize your nutrition this year, you want to go on the right foot here. You can do so with Factor Has Chef made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. Okay. Because they're dietitian approved. They're ready to eat in two minutes. You just heat it up when you get it, but it arrives to your door, like fully prepared, perfect for any active or Busy lifestyle. But yeah, you can pick from protein plus, keto, calorie smart or like, you know, whatever your preference is for the type of meals you want to eat. Can also help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfast grab and go snacks and more add ons. But yeah, you can eat smart with factor. Get [e-mail] basement 50 off and use the code BASEMENT50OFF to get 50% off of your first box plus free shipping. That is code [e-mail] basement50OFF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. So easy way to get your meals in, get them delivered, heat them up, boom. And get that little 50 off. Okay, there you go.

[B]

Such a shame. Such a shame.

[A]

What's a shame?

[B]

Well, what Greg did, by the way. Wait a sec. Greg took a bite of this hot dog sans bun. So he took a bite of the hot dog outside of the bun. He ain't got no. But he got no bun in his bite. That seems wrong, right? Am I wrong?

[A]

That rhyme.

[B]

No bun in his bite, right? I don't like that.

[A]

No. I don't need a bun all the time.

[B]

Hum.

[A]

Like I could eat a hot dog.

[B]

Like cut up hot dog buns make the dog better though. We agree. Yeah, don't yeah, it like that.

[A]

You.

[B]

Yeah, with confidence.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That also wasn't confident.

[A]

No, I mean like. Yeah, the first one.

[B]

How's your chicken? How's your chicken tendy?

[A]

I haven't had one.

[B]

Try it.

[A]

Well, at this point it's just been sitting out and now I'm like, what's gonna happen, Joey? Nothing. I just like. It's not as appetizing to me.

[B]

Take a bite.

[A]

I think it's more for show.

[B]

Take a bite now.

[A]

I don't know, you think I'm like one of your children or something? What's going on over there?

[B]

That doesn't work on them. I'm hoping it works. I'm hoping it works on you. You're not gonna take a bite at all?

[A]

No. Was it you who said celery was delicious?

[B]

Yeah, I love celery.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't like celery or what?

[A]

Did you say it was spicy?

[B]

This is you trying to gaslight me. I never said it was spicy. I said it has a spice to it. That's why celery.

[A]

You're a manipulator.

[B]

No, I don't just hear that. No, no, no, no.

[A]

Go.

[B]

Because two things could mean two different things.

[A]

Two. Two things can Mean two different things.

[B]

Yes. Two things can mean the same thing. Two things can mean two different things.

[A]

Go.

[B]

Something that is spicy also has a spice to it. Something that has a spice with. Does not necessarily need to be spicy. Frogs and toads, Baby frogs and toads.

[A]

Something.

[B]

Why do you think celery seed or celery salt is a spice that you can use while cooking? Because there is a distinct spice, like a flavor to it. A flavor, A flavor, A spice. But it's more than a flavor.

[A]

Flavor is flavor. Spice is spice.

[B]

Yeah, but all spices are just flavor enhancers or flavor additives.

[A]

Spicy is spice.

[B]

No, because technically, garlic is a spice.

[A]

It's spicy. If you bit a garlic clove, you'd be like.

[B]

If you go in the spices aisle, you'll find things that are not spicy that are, you know, like oregano.

[A]

Is cinnamon a spice?

[B]

Technically, yes, it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there you go.

[A]

It has a spice to it.

[B]

It does. Celery has a flavor and spice to it. That doesn't mean it is spicy.

[A]

But what is the spice? Like, what do you describe?

[B]

Just, like, us, like, a peaked. Like, it has, like, a peak of flavor. Like, there's.

[A]

What's the difference to a peak?

[B]

Like, it comes to, like, more of a sharp edge than, like, a duller flavor. Does that make sense?

[A]

So I. Spicy taste.

[B]

No, it's not spicy. Spicy is also subjective, you bitch. So, like, what is spicy to me may not be spicy to you?

[A]

Right. Do you have a. Do you. Are you good with spice?

[B]

I'm very good with spice, yeah.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You think you're better at spice than me?

[B]

Without a doubt.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Without a doubt.

[A]

Oh, are you an atomic wing guy?

[B]

I. I used to, yeah.

[A]

But you don't anymore?

[B]

Anytime we would go. This is gonna be. You can immediately pick apart this argument.

[A]

Oh, this is gonna be.

[B]

But, like, anytime when we were kids, we would go to Hooters, which we did pretty often.

[A]

I wouldn't say that.

[B]

We went, like, a couple times a summer, I think.

[A]

Frank. I feel like I've been to Hooters maybe four times in my entire life.

[B]

Might have all been in the same summer. I've been at least a dozen times to Hooters.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

No, it's not. Is it?

[A]

You went for the waitresses. Not those times.

[B]

No. No. Honestly, no. Like, some. My fraternity also did an event at Hooters.

[A]

Oh, you and the frat bros going to Hooters? I'm sure it wasn't about the tits.

[B]

It wasn't. It was during Recruitment week. We were trying to show off that we had free all show up for all you can eat wings. We're paying for it at Hooters. Who doesn't want to join that fraternity?

[A]

Wait, they have all you can eat wings?

[B]

I don't know if they still do, honestly.

[A]

Do countries do all you can eat? Because that, to me, sounds like bananas.

[B]

It is the most American thing on the planet. Like, pay a flat rate and just get all of the food. All of it. As much as all of it.

[A]

I used to think, you know how Olive Garden is like, oh, unlimited breadsticks. I'm like, so who cares? Then they said unlimited pasta, and I'm like, slow down. Unlimited fucking. Let's see. Brazil fettuccine Alfredo.

[B]

Yes. Other countries have all you can eat buffets, including Brazil, Hong Kong, and Japan. Okay.

[A]

Buffets are different.

[B]

I'm saying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like at restaurant specials, like, do they have, like, Tuesday is all you can eat wing night? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure. I'm sure they do. If they. They have buffets, like, why would they stop at buffets?

[A]

I guess I haven't really been to many buffets.

[B]

Oh, man. When's the last time I went to a buffet?

[A]

I went to King China buffet.

[B]

That was, like, the place to go when we were kids.

[A]

They had a koi pond in the front. It was so cool. I used to throw quarters in there. I didn't realize that I was killing the.

[B]

Absolutely. Were.

[A]

Absolutely Was hurting the boys.

[B]

And that was, like, the place that, like, for, like, fifth grade graduation. Like, all the people went there after fifth grade graduation.

[A]

Mine was Neptune diner. I would go there, get giant pancakes, and then on the way out, they had a little bowl of mints, and I would eat.

[B]

I love sucking those mints.

[A]

I love sucking those mints. They have a little jelly in them.

[B]

They do. And they.

[A]

And they're dusty. Yeah. That was crazy.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they sucked them to the jelly came out on.

[A]

Yeah, Well, I would bite them.

[B]

Oh, dangerous.

[A]

No, no, no. They weren't hard. They were like, the dusty ones.

[B]

So you like the salt. Oh, like. Like softer ones that you could bite to remove the jelly.

[A]

But you know what I mean.

[B]

I know what you mean. There were those ones, and they would get, like. Like. They'd kind of get, like, holes in them. So you could, like.

[A]

Yeah, I put them on my tongue, and I got. Okay. Type in Dusty diner mints. Okay. Okay.

[B]

We're just abusing our ability.

[A]

I wonder if it'll show up. Do people know what they Are.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, I remember those. Baby.

[A]

Dusty Dinerman.

[B]

Get a couple bags of those bad boys. By the way, for those of you guys that weren't on Patreon, Ant is now our guy in the chair. Yeah, Ant is our guy in the chair who is now doing whatever we ask him to do, basically. And thank you.

[A]

Besides looking up tattoos of Steve's penis face. Yes. Yeah, sorry.

[B]

Get some, get some. Order some of these here.

[A]

No, no, no, we don't need them because I can't stop eating them.

[B]

What's the problem?

[A]

It's legitimate. Like, it's just sugar. It's like BTH for me.

[B]

Bt.

[A]

What the hell is that one?

[B]

Why do you have, like, you're on a first name basis with black tar heroin that you just give it a nickname?

[A]

Yeah, no, but dude, those are so good.

[B]

A dusty old diner is so sick. I love it so much.

[A]

I really do. The purple ones of those, you see.

[B]

How they're the green ones? Best brother, green were.

[A]

Green are good. I like the. The red ones and the green ones were the. I mean the orange ones.

[B]

If you ever handed me a yellow one, I'll tell you right now, I'm throwing it against the walls.

[A]

Hard yellow ones. I actually like yellow flavored. But like. And people like hate it. These yellow ones are garbage.

[B]

I don't like yellow.

[A]

The purple ones, I'd rather.

[B]

Well, those are black licorice. Aren't they disgusting? I think they were black licorice. Green was.

[A]

Why did old people. Why do people with licorice, that's all.

[B]

They had for fun back then. They would be like, hey, look, we got this chewing gum that when you chew it turns black. And guess what? It's licorice flavored.

[A]

The fuck is wrong with you?

[B]

Sad fucks. Yeah, you had cooler cans and way of opening cans.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

But that's it, dude.

[A]

Old people just.

[B]

And then wax candy.

[A]

Wax candy. One time my grandma got me these things. It's like, oh, it's wax lips in my mouth. And it makes it look like you have big lips. And I tried to eat it and I'm like, grandma, you suck. I'm eating a candle.

[B]

You suck, grandma. Yeah, I remember my mom and she gave it to me once. She's like, it's like chewing gum. So naturally I tried to chew it like chewing gum. It's not. You know what? It's like wax.

[A]

Yeah. Biting into a candle.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Into a Yankee candle, which I would bite some of those.

[B]

Dude, I don't know if I ever told you this story, but in seventh grade. Because, remember, I went to. That. I went to the new school in seventh grade. And that sounds like I got, like, shipped off or something. I went to boarding school. I went to the school, but it was like, the Promise. Like, the. The science rooms had, like, sciency tables. You remember those sciency tables that have, like, the black, like, chalk, like, and.

[A]

They had a sink.

[B]

A sink in the middle and. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And our science teacher, he was, like, going over, like, what we were gonna be doing this year, and it was, like, cool. He showed us that experiment where, like, you dip a can in hot water, and then you immediately go to cold water and it just crushes.

[A]

Oh, that happens.

[B]

You've never seen that?

[A]

No.

[B]

It's crazy. He showed us the one where, like, he puts, like, liquid in a cup, and then it just, like, turns black.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

[B]

And then at the end of everything, he's like, it's gonna be. He was getting, like, so dramatic, and he's like, it's gonna be like, we're gonna, like, blow your mind. Science is everything and anything. And he lit a candle, and he's like, science will make you question your perception of reality. He blew the candle out and then ate it. And I was like, what the.

[A]

Why do you eat it?

[B]

This was crazy, dude. Yeah, it blew my mind.

[A]

Definitely thought, that's so cool.

[B]

I did. And then I found out that he was a fucking fraud. It wasn't a candle. It was a piece of string cheese. I was so pissed about this. It was a piece of string cheese, and he cut the. He cut, like, a sliver of a. An almond and put it in the top and lit it so it looked like a candle. So he was like, candle? And then ate it. I was like, yo, this guy's crazy. We're gonna do crazy shit this year. He's ate a candle. It was just drink cheese with an almond.

[A]

I love how that would. Got Frankie to be like, yo, this guy ate a candle. This class is gonna be sick. I would be like, what the is going on, bro?

[B]

I would give him a shout out, but him.

[A]

Damn it. That pissed you off, huh?

[B]

I was.

[A]

How long. When did you find out?

[B]

It was, like, like, weeks, if not months later, so.

[A]

But you were devastated.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

How'd you find out? You asked him?

[B]

I think someone had, like, asked and he told them. Or like, someone figured it out.

[A]

Like, oh, string cheese, you dumb.

[B]

Yeah, basically. I remember being so upset about it. What? I was just like, wait, that's not. That's not a. Yo, we were bought it. I was so bought in to the.

[A]

Science class, your world came crumbling.

[B]

And then I just found out it was string cheese with an almond.

[A]

I love how you were so impressed by that that it was devastating you that he ate a candle.

[B]

I was so upset.

[A]

Did he eat the whole thing?

[B]

No, he just took a bite, and it was like, athlete. Literally. It was as. Like, the bell rang. Because you remember, teachers would be like, the bell doesn't dismiss you. I dismiss you. It's like, your dick is small.

[A]

Yeah, like, we get it, dude.

[B]

And he'd be like, all right, guys, so look forward. I'll see you. Because we had, like, every other day classes, so if it was Monday, he'd be like, I'll see you on Wednesday and never forget. Never.

[A]

We didn't need that detail at all.

[B]

Well, it was at the end of class and. And then it was like, I'll see you on Wednesday, two days from now. And what. What's funny about that? I don't know. Unnecessary detail. I keep going. Well, because we. That. That added to the gravity. Like, it sat with us for two whole days. We had a whole day off to be like, what the is this guy gonna do next class?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was just like. And never forget, we're gonna have a fun year. Science is everything. And we're all like, what the. And then.

[A]

What grade was this?

[B]

Seventh grade.

[A]

Seventh grade. Okay, that'll do it.

[B]

Just like the. The sweet spot of, like, you still believe in, like, the magic of the world and. But, like, then people start talking to you about the Bush administration.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

See, that's what you had. And then I had my Chinese Spanish teacher that was failing me relentlessly every.

[B]

Oh, I. I had. I had a Spanish teacher that hated me, too.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. All my Spanish teachers. Besides. Wait, did I take Spanish in 6th grade? My 7th grade teacher was this Chinese woman. Absolutely hated me.

[B]

Yeah, we know. We remember the whole story.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, we gotta do not bring it up.

[B]

Our Spanish teacher, the reason she hated us. It made sense. Her last name was Madeira, which is wood in Spanish.

[A]

Did anyone hear the ghost?

[B]

That's Ms. Madera.

[A]

Yeah. Wait, so would you say.

[B]

Oh, she. She got so many wood jokes, like boners. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I thought you were just making, like, wood jokes. And I'm like, yeah, you got her.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Like, you know, like, oh, wood. I bet you got wood, right? I got wood.

[B]

I. I don't know if I Did that. But I'm sure something along those lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you. Because I remember in high school, did you show your. The priests in your high school your. Your boners or.

[A]

I think that's not appropriate. Honestly. I didn't have any pr. I did have. I had one brother. Which. What are those.

[B]

What are. Bronzinger.

[A]

Monsinger.

[B]

Monsignor. Yeah, but it's spelled with a G. Brothers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that what it is?

[A]

Monsinger? What's a brother?

[B]

I think it's just like a guy.

[A]

Like a guy. Like, almost there a guy.

[B]

None.

[A]

Like a male nun.

[B]

Like a dude nun.

[A]

A gun. Religious brother is a man who takes vows of poverty. Chastity. First of all, poverty and obedience.

[B]

What did we mean by. Well, obedience. I get that to the Lord.

[A]

Yeah. Chastity, is that no sexies, no pussy. And vow of poverty, definitely getting paid.

[B]

I mean, that doesn't. That I don't understand. Like, you choose to live in squalor to feel more connected to God. Is that a thing?

[A]

I don't know, but I'm confused why there's not a vow of being a fucking asshole. Because that guy was an asshole to me.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Yeah, he was.

[B]

I always wondered, and I think I have asked you this before, but. Like, what? Like your science classes, like, where do they draw the line? Do they just, like, start and stop at Earth Science? Or like, they'd be like, and the rivers run because of this and that and then because of God?

[A]

No. So it wasn't like that, was it for you? Our religion teacher said, you know, we're going to learn about evolution. I don't believe in it, but we're going to learn about. Really? Swear to God. Really? You want to hear what I.

[B]

So, by the way, for those of you guys that don't know, Joey and Aunt went to the same high school, right? Different times, and it's like six years old.

[A]

Okay. No, I had my. My. This is. This is actually kind of funny. My science teacher was a gay man. Right. Not out at the time.

[B]

What's hysterical about that?

[A]

It's. You're saying, like, the thing that's like teaching science in a Catholic school. You're like, where they draw the line.

[B]

Oh, so.

[A]

And he was.

[B]

So. He was. He had two strikes on him.

[A]

He wasn't, like, out gay, but he was gay. Like, he was very obviously gay. Then my. I had another teacher who taught Sex and religion. Was that the class? Like, sex. So Sex and religion, who was trans.

[B]

Like, was, like, since then has transitioned or at the time was. No.

[A]

Was like. Like, yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I think maybe in the.

[B]

Pretty cool.

[A]

Well, I was like. I didn't think about that till right now when you said it. Like, where they draw the line. Science. Like, it was a regular science. Like, we did chem in biology.

[B]

That's pretty cool. That's. That's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cool in the sense, like, that they accepted her.

[A]

Yeah. Did I ever tell you the story about that class?

[B]

No. Oh, sure.

[A]

This is true, right? Well, I think I've said it before, honestly. But, like, so on the first day, the teacher was like, we're just gonna make everyone comfortable. So everyone's gonna go up to the board, and whenever you. Whatever makes you think of sex, write a one word on the board.

[B]

I think you have told me this, but continue.

[A]

So people are writing, like, contraceptive, right? Because no one wants to be like, nipples.

[B]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. Forget if I was in that class.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You probably would have pranked the whole thing.

[B]

I would, honestly. If you were, like, in that class, what would you have written to try to be funny? Because I was. I always tried to be the class clown.

[A]

I think I wrote, like, boot or something like that.

[B]

Fat tips or.

[A]

I didn't write fat tits. That's insane. But, like, I wrote, like, something like I was trying to be, like, 69. There was a kid. I think someone did write 69. There was a kid who was strange. You know the kids in high school that kind of act like cats? And you're like, why is this guy meowing? You know what I mean?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

There was nothing wrong with this kid. I think that he just, like cats, maybe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or he was a cat. I have no idea.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But he wrote hentai, okay. Up on the board, which is which. The teacher didn't know what it was.

[B]

So he looked it up.

[A]

So, no, he wrote hentai. And then as he's walking back to his seat, tears like, what is that? The kid said something like. It's when you're. It's something like when your favorite cartoons are having sex, but all the noises are real. He said something like that. And I was like, a very accurate.

[B]

Way of saying it.

[A]

Frank. This was the first day of class in our Sex and religion class with our transgender teacher. It was a whole ton.

[B]

I mean, that. That's a good way to break the ice. I mean, good for.

[A]

The ice was shattered.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

The ice was beat to shit.

[B]

Oh, I wish. I wish any teacher allowed us to do something like that.

[A]

Why? You want a full pass to write penis on the board, I would have.

[B]

Gotten in trouble, that's for sure. Like, if you were giving me a pass to penis, first of all, there's no way I'm going big cock. Yeah. There's no way I'm writing penis. People would have 2007, Joey. If. If one of us went on the board and wrote penis, they would have immediately pegged us as, like, you would have gotten. Whoa, dude.

[A]

No, I know. I. I am thinking about it right now. We were in high school in 2007.

[B]

Yeah, 2006. 2007, bro.

[A]

That is so crazy.

[B]

Yeah. And you were born in 2008, right?

[A]

No. How old are you? I just turned 28. Okay, four years. Five? How old am I will be?

[B]

Well, he turned 28 this year.

[A]

Five years.

[B]

And it'll be five years because we're turning 33 this year.

[A]

Oh, my. Yo. Disgusting. Disgusting. Ill. Yeah, I don't feel 33.

[B]

I. You know, it's funny, on the drive in, I was thinking to myself, like, I still feel like. Like I'm the same person in just like, that's not true. Thank God I didn't. But, like, I still feel like the same person in a sense that I was like, my whole life. Like, I don't feel like, like 2007 was like. It feels like it could be a week ago or 18 years ago. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It just. It all feels like it happened in a short period of time.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So, like, dude, 2007 is gonna be 18 years ago. It is 18.

[A]

Yeah. When I. When I'm. When I was younger, I remember thinking of someone who's 23 and being like, bro, get your life together. Like a 20.

[B]

I remember, I think we spoke about this recently on an episode. But like, I remember there would be like, there was always like one girl in our high school and they were like, her boyfriend's in college, she's 22. And everyone was just like, whoa. And then like, now looking back on.

[A]

It, like, yeah, that is tough on that guy. Dude is going on crazy.

[B]

Crazy. Yeah, I. Yeah. 20 years ago. Yeah, almost.

[A]

Can I ask what you're about to do?

[B]

I'm about to eat this fried chicken. That's.

[A]

Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. You're savage.

[B]

Hell yeah, you're savage.

[A]

That looked like it tasted really good.

[B]

Give me a hot sauce.

[A]

I can catch. Ooh, a little one hander. Frank, give him the Bloody Mary hot sauce on a piece of chicken. Right. Before we get out of here, make sure you put the tip of the bottle right where you bit the chicken, you fucking asshole. You can take that off with you.

[B]

Now so it sanitizes itself.

[A]

Guys, I think that's all for this week's episode. Are you gonna say?

[B]

I was gonna wait until you say what are you gonna say? And then I was gonna say my things.

[A]

You can go try the. The Bloody Mary hot sauce that Frank has in his hand that he's about to There daddy's. There you go. Go get it@the heatness.com Go look for the Bloody Mary hot sauce. Thank you for supporting. We appreciate it. Frank, where can they find you?

[B]

You can find me @f Alvarez885 on Twitter, the Frank Alvarez and all the forms of social media go to patreon.com the basyard to continue to support us. We appreciate you. And like I said earlier, if you're coming to the Just for Laugh shows in Vancouver on February 20th, 20th, 21st, 21st, one of those. Or if you're coming to the shows in Europe, go to the basementyard.com submit submit the responses to the questions that we've asked you. It's going to be a party. We want to see you guys and we're hoping you're have him.

[A]

And that's all for this week's episode. You guys go follow the show on Tick Tock and Instagram at the Basement Yard. We appreciate it. Thank you so much. Welcome to the new studio.

[B]

Bye.

[A]

See you next time.