#501 - Getting Fined At Dinner

Summary

Summary of Episode #501 - "Getting Fined At Dinner" on The Basement Yard

Release Date: May 5, 2025
Hosts: Joe Santagato & Frank Alvarez
Presented by: Santagato Studios

In episode #501 of The Basement Yard, lifelong friends Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez explore a mix of nostalgic memories, humorous experiments, and satirical societal observations. Their dynamic banter and relatable anecdotes provide listeners with an engaging and entertaining experience. Below is a detailed summary of the key discussions, insights, and conclusions from the episode.

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1. Nostalgic Chats: Motorcycles and Youth Memories

The episode kicks off with a heartfelt conversation about motorcycles and childhood experiences. Frank reminisces about his limited and uncomfortable rides on motorcycles, highlighting the lack of control and the rough terrain.

• Frank (01:12): "I've been on two motorcycles hugging a man. Yeah. Which at the time for me was awful."

• Joe (03:02): "But are you like these [choppers]?"

They delve into the impracticalities of riding choppers, discussing ergonomic issues and personal preferences. The conversation also touches upon family influences, with Frank mentioning his father's stance against motorcycle riding due to safety concerns.

2. Experimental Concoctions: The Doritos Drink Challenge

Shifting gears, Frank presents Joe with a novel creation—a Doritos-infused drink bathed in nacho cheese flavor. The experimental beverage becomes a centerpiece of their humor as they react to its unappealing taste.

• Frank (12:17): "I got you something. Aunt. Got it. But I'm taking credit for it."

• Joe (16:01): "The hell does this smell like?"

The duo's exaggerated disgust and playful interaction highlight their chemistry. Ant, their co-host, joins in, adding his own reactions and contributing to the comedic chaos.

3. Satirical Newsflash: Mocking the Pope's Demise

In a playful twist, Joe and Frank fabricate a news narrative about the Pope's death, showcasing their ability to improvise and entertain. This segment is filled with tongue-in-cheek remarks and exaggerated seriousness.

• Joe (22:11): "Pope died. Pope's dead, dude."

• Frank (23:02): "That's a bit dramatic, but..."

Their humorous take on delivering sensitive news underscores the show's blend of satire and camaraderie.

4. Dining Etiquette Debated: The "Bitching Fee" Concept

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing restaurant behaviors, specifically introducing the concept of a "bitching fee" for disruptive patrons. Joe and Frank debate the necessity, implementation, and potential repercussions of such fees.

• Frank (41:06): "It needs to be clearly tiered. It needs to be tier one, tier two, tier three."

• Joe (42:24): "I just don't like that."

They explore scenarios where customers might warrant fines, such as incorrect orders or loud disturbances, emphasizing the importance of maintaining decorum in dining establishments.

5. Promoting Hot Dogs: The "Dog Sucking Season" Initiative

Embracing their playful side, Joe and Frank brainstorm a promotional campaign titled "Dog Sucking Season" aimed at boosting hot dog sales. This segment is rich with creative taglines, marketing strategies, and humorous pitches.

• Frank (60:22): "We are inclusive-minded men. We want the world to be happy and everyone to feel included. That includes chicken hot dogs."

• Joe (69:02): "Hot dog sales by year in the US... it's gonna double to 40 billion."

Their enthusiastic advocacy for hot dogs serves as both a satire of marketing campaigns and a testament to their ability to entertain with inventive ideas.

6. Cultural Commentary: Addressing Social Interactions and Privilege

Throughout the episode, Joe and Frank interweave observations about societal behaviors, such as addressing "Karen"-like characters and critiquing social privilege. Their discussions offer a blend of humor and insightful commentary on modern social dynamics.

• Frank (42:38): "I saw one of those the other day in real life. Real life white privilege from a Karen."

• Joe (43:19): "I pay your salaries."

These moments underscore their knack for addressing pertinent social issues through a comedic lens.

7. Farewell and Future Teasers: Preparing for "Dog Sucking Season"

As the episode nears its end, Joe and Frank reinforce their commitment to their humorous themes and tease upcoming content related to hot dogs and pranks. Their closing remarks emphasize the show's continuous evolution and dedication to entertaining their audience.

• Frank (70:09): "Bark for them."

• Joe (71:19): "You can follow the show at the Basement Yard and go follow me at Joe Santigato."

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Notable Quotes

• Frank (00:30): "Bitch slip well, slick back, baby boy Baby back slip."

• Joe (07:08): "I actually know."

• Frank (16:01): "The hell does this smell like?"

• Joe (22:11): "Pope died. Pope's dead, dude."

• Frank (41:06): "It needs to be clearly tiered. It needs to be tier one, tier two, tier three."

• Joe (69:02): "Hot dog sales by year in the US... it's gonna double to 40 billion."

• Frank (70:09): "Bark for them."

Conclusion

Episode #501 of The Basement Yard masterfully blends nostalgic reminiscing, experimental humor, and satirical critiques of social norms. Joe Santagato and Frank Alvarez's dynamic interaction and witty exchanges make "Getting Fined At Dinner" a memorable installment, offering listeners both laughter and relatable insights. Whether discussing childhood motorcycle mishaps or devising quirky marketing campaigns, the hosts maintain an engaging flow that keeps both long-time fans and new listeners entertained throughout.

Transcript

[Frank]

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[Joe]

Welcome back to the basement. Welcome back to the basement yard. Slick back. Frank sitting over there.

[Frank]

Slick, slick back boy. Slick back.

[Joe]

Slick, slick, slick back, baby.

[Frank]

Bitch slip well, slick back, baby boy Baby back slip.

[Joe]

Slick, slip it back. You baby bastard bitch get mad excited.

[Frank]

Slick back boy.

[Joe]

Slick back.

[Frank]

Slick back boy.

[Joe]

It's sleek and slick.

[Frank]

Slick and slake a snake. You're a slicky snakey snake.

[Joe]

It does look like you got your head at like you're on a hog.

[Frank]

And she's blowing hair styled by wind. I would love that. I don't think that's ever happened to me.

[Joe]

You said that like it was a commercial. Like, get your hair styled by wind. Would you get on a motorcycle?

[Frank]

I've been on one and I'm against really Cycles. Yeah.

[Joe]

Were you on the back?

[Frank]

Yeah, it was my. I've told you that I've been on twice. I've been on two motorcycles hugging a man. Yeah. Which at the time for me was awful.

[Joe]

You were catching a dove back because you got it. He's a bumpy road that you're on.

[Frank]

Yeah. It was also one that like you hold on to like you're about to like squat and like take a piss or something like that.

[Joe]

Wait, what?

[Frank]

It was like the ones. There are certain ones where you could like hold on like this. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

But were you doing that or were you like.

[Frank]

I think one of them was a hug. One of them was this one as a hold on in the back because one of them was my uncle.

[Joe]

And which one was he? You were hugging your uncle?

[Frank]

I was hugging my uncle.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

The other one was my ex girlfriend's father.

[Joe]

And that one, you were like.

[Frank]

Yeah. And you, you remember who it is. You remember the.

[Joe]

I actually know.

[Frank]

You know. You know.

[Joe]

And Dino was his name.

[Frank]

Oh, I could not hug him because he would have hit me. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it was like, have you been on a motorcycle? No, I. I'm one of those people like. And it's one of the few things that my dad taught me that I think has value and I crazy sentence. But okay, now there's a couple, few other days. But he's like known several people that have gotten. And we've known people that have gotten into motorcycle accidents and he like, it was the first time I heard it. I think it's a very well known, popular saying now. But it's just like Frank with most cycles, it's not if you get accident is when you know.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, so my dad, like, from an early age, he told, like legit said to me, he's like, I will support you, anything you want to do. I think he was really testing the boundaries there.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

He's like, except for motorcycle. Okay, not doing that.

[Joe]

But if you were to ride a motorcycle, would you get one of these or would you get one of these?

[Frank]

I would get one of these. I'd get a. I'd get a bike. I'd not get a chopper. I'd get a bike.

[Joe]

But are you like these.

[Frank]

That's a chopper. You're talking like old Harley. You know where. Yeah, no, I can't do that because, bro, I feel like I have less control of anything at this height and my shoulders would fucking give out.

[Joe]

It does feel not ergonomic.

[Frank]

Like, it just makes less sense. If I'm trying to control this thing. God forbid something's happening and I need to control it. I feel like I have way better control here. Yeah. Than I do here. Like, whoa, whoa. Like, let's be honest.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

It would kind of give people the ick. You know what I'm saying? Like, if it's so dumb, why do they do that? And they like, sit back and far back, so they're like this. They're like, fucking.

[Joe]

How. How could that possibly be comfortable?

[Frank]

I don't know.

[Joe]

I get the other ones because you're like.

[Frank]

I also, like, there's something about lar. Like, not large, but like loud motor vehicles that I want to lose my mind. Like when someone drives by and they have like a. A souped up Nissan Altima.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And the, you know, like the, like. Pops. You ever heard that words like. Yeah, I'm just like, dude, you suck more than any other person I've ever met. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I hate it. So. Same thing with motorcycles. When motorcycles are just like, the louder, the better you. You know, what do they say? Like, the louder the purr, the bigger the lion or some shit like that.

[Joe]

I don't know any biker, so I wouldn't know if that's right or wrong. The louder the purr, the bigger the lion.

[Frank]

Yeah, something like that. I mean, it's not wrong technically. Right? Yeah, but I. I can't. I can't.

[Joe]

Yeah, no, I've never gone on a motorcycle. I would like to wear a helmet, though.

[Frank]

I did have when I was a.

[Joe]

Kid, like a blacked out helmet. You'd be like, like you just shut it real quick.

[Frank]

When, when we were kids, my bike helmet was a motocross helmet.

[Joe]

Like, bicycle?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

You were wearing. Why do I not remember that?

[Frank]

I don't remember.

[Joe]

You weren't riding a bicycle around in a motorcycle.

[Frank]

Like a helmet that had like the mouthpiece and like the. You could only see the eyes, which is smart, dude.

[Joe]

And you were taking it three blocks to the park?

[Frank]

Well, no, I used to ride it to see my girlfriend Tyena.

[Joe]

Taina?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Who the fuck is Tyena? I don't know Tyena, bro, I've known you my entire life. I've never heard of you having a girlfriend.

[Frank]

When I was sixth grade, there was a Puerto Rican girl in one of the classes named Taina. And I used to ride my bike to Astoria park and we would like look at each other from a distance because her parents are super strict.

[Ant]

Did she know you guys were dating?

[Frank]

Don't do that.

[Joe]

And a fair question at this point.

[Frank]

Don't do that. Yes. I wasn't just staring at this woman from a distance.

[Joe]

You just said you were.

[Frank]

Well, that's the thing. It was a consensual stare from a distance.

[Joe]

Right.

[Frank]

She.

[Joe]

Did she have like a pair of binoculars? Like.

[Frank]

Oh, I don't think it was that.

[Joe]

She was looking at like Elizabeth Swan.

[Frank]

Like, like, it'd be like, I'd tell kids in like other classes, like, yo, let's meet at the park. And it's. You remember, like dating in like sixth and seventh grade is like, when you saw your girlfriend, it was like you were on that side of the park, they were on that side of the park. And then you'd like, see each other and she'd be like, what's up, girl?

[Joe]

Hello. Hello.

[Frank]

Yeah, that fine. When she gets a water port on her.

[Joe]

I say that 24 7.

[Frank]

Hello. So you have no desire to get on a motorcycle? No. Nothing?

[Joe]

Damn the motorcycle. Tyena. Oh, sixth grade.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Where were you? Baccalaureate.

[Frank]

141.

[Joe]

Oh, 141. Yeah. No, I just, I was.

[Frank]

Yeah, I, I like, I had my first, like, real girlfriend going into the summer, going into sixth grade.

[Joe]

That was your first girlfriend?

[Frank]

No, no, she wasn't. It was a girl named.

[Joe]

Who was your first girlfriend?

[Frank]

We've talked about this briefly, but it was a girl that I went to summer camp with.

[Joe]

Randy.

[Frank]

No shit. There was another girl named Nicole.

[Joe]

Oh, okay.

[Frank]

And maybe it was the year before, but her name was Nicole. She lived in Ireland.

[Joe]

Fire.

[Frank]

And like, she was a real person. Like, I knew her. Yeah, I know. She just went to another school in another country.

[Joe]

First girlfriend lived in Ireland. His second one, he used to look at from across the park.

[Frank]

No. So like sixth grade, I was just like, oh, girls think I'm cute. So I was just like, I was like, dating. I was trying to date, like, oh, I guess. Much as I could.

[Joe]

Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful.

[Frank]

Who was your first? Like, you're my girlfriend. I'm your girlfriend. I think I know the answer. Well, did you guys call each other boyfeed girl?

[Joe]

No.

[Frank]

No, we, like, had a.

[Joe]

It was like we had a telepathic connection.

[Frank]

You just knew that you liked on each other.

[Joe]

Yeah, dude, but like, we never said. I never. I've never in my life told Jamie that, like, I had a crush on you.

[Frank]

You've said it more on this show.

[Joe]

That's how she knows. Well, she knew because everyone, all, everyone would tell her. But like, growing up, there was this girl from kindergarten to fifth grade. I've talked about it mad times on the show. This is insane now. But like, I had a crush on her through like elementary school. And like, I've never said it to her. But like, you knew. Other people knew her.

[Frank]

Everyone knew.

[Joe]

I was. I was putting it. I was putting it out.

[Frank]

You weren't not telling. Like, it was the classic thing of like telling your friends and just be like, just don't tell them.

[Joe]

Do you. So my first girlfriend. Did I tell this story on the show?

[Frank]

We've told years worth of stories and chances are yes, Chances are also possibly no.

[Joe]

My first girlfriend actually was that girl Samantha in sixth grade.

[Frank]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Joe]

But I. Did I tell you about my friend Sean, how he, like, made it happen?

[Frank]

I. I believe you have. But remind the people that are watching for the first time.

[Joe]

I literally just walked up because I like, again, you don't tell the girl that you like that you like them. You tell everyone around her.

[Frank]

Well, it's just 2003, 2004.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

How dare you tell a girl that you like them.

[Joe]

Insane. You tell the people around them and then you let it get to her and then you see what the reaction is.

[Frank]

Exactly. You let it and then. And then it eventually gets it. It's like water, like leaking in a wall. You don't need to pour the water on that spot in order to see the leak. The leak will find its way to the leak eventually. Yeah, the water will find its way to the leak. Eventually. And then eventually you'll find out.

[Joe]

Yeah, it's like what police departments do when they're trying to find a rat. Like, they put a p. Something out there, and then it's like, oh, okay, now we got a bite.

[Frank]

Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese peanut butter.

[Joe]

Cheese peanut butter and cheese peanut butter. Yeah, it works really well.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah, Very well.

[Joe]

But my friend Sean knew that I liked this girl, and then he had heard from her concieri that she liked me too. So he walked. He. At one point, he. It was like the end of a school date. He's like, all right, you like him, he likes you, you're dating. And then we were dating.

[Frank]

And that was it. Yeah, that was nice. That's how it was back in the day. I was not as. I wasn't as lucky as one of those situations. I. I had to be like. I had to. It was like. So, like, do you think, like, there's even. You know, like, if you, like, if you don't want to, like, it would be cool. Like, you know, like, do you just.

[Joe]

Like, you probably hate me?

[Frank]

Yeah. I know you probably don't feel the same about me because, like, everyone knows, but, like, I have a crush on you. And, like, would you even, like, want to be boyfriend? Girlfriend?

[Joe]

I feel like you would. You'd be like, I know that you think I'm a idiot and, like, loser.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah. I still do that with Becca now. What do you mean? Now I'll just be, like, lying in bed, and sometimes I'll just be like, it's crazy. You don't even love me. And she's like, where the did this come from?

[Joe]

It's like, you feel differently about me.

[Frank]

Yeah. Well, I have something for you, and I don't want you.

[Joe]

Is it a motorcycle?

[Frank]

It's. Can you imagine a fucking bike? I would get. I'd get, like, a fast and furious bike than I would get chopper.

[Joe]

Well, it would sit.

[Frank]

I would need to. If I had a chopper, I would need to wear bandanas.

[Ant]

Yes.

[Joe]

And you would need to have a very long mustache, which I don't.

[Frank]

And I can't.

[Joe]

But you can get one.

[Frank]

You could do it, too. Look at you.

[Joe]

I know, but then my shit starts turning weird colors.

[Frank]

Also, if I ride a motorcycle, do I need to wear boots? Or can I just do, like, sneakers?

[Joe]

You need to wear boots.

[Frank]

The hell no.

[Joe]

Then something needs to be leather on your body.

[Frank]

That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Whether it be a jacket.

[Joe]

Gloves, too. Dude, it gets cold. Your hands.

[Frank]

Hold on now. I'M in. I'm back in. I love gloves.

[Joe]

Cut off gloves, yo.

[Frank]

No, you don't need cutoff gloves for riding motorcycles.

[Joe]

Can I say something?

[Frank]

No.

[Joe]

Uber drivers. You don't need cutoff gloves. What do you think you're doing? I got into a couple of Ubers in the last two weeks and there's been multiple drivers with cutoff gloves. I'm like, unless you're like bullying someone in the 90s, what are we wearing?

[Frank]

I don't understand that. I think that's like an old timey, like cab driver. Cab driver thing. Yeah. Like they would have like that cab driver hat and they. They'd have to have the. They. Where you going? You know, what do you need grip? Well, you do need grip to drive hands. I also think you're not allowed. Some states might be like this. And I could have heard this, like, wrong. I don't know if you're allowed to drive with gloves on.

[Joe]

Why not?

[Frank]

Because I think it, like, it could affect your grip. I could be wrong. And I honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, I probably am wrong.

[Joe]

Know that you can't drive shirtless.

[Frank]

Why not? I don't know.

[Joe]

That's bullshit. Maybe it's distracting.

[Frank]

That could be a good one. Yeah, that could be a good one. Do you remember like the whole women.

[Joe]

With their boobies out on the highway, people be flipping over their car.

[Frank]

They absolutely would. But I. So just so we don't bury the lead here.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I got you something.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

And by. I got you something. Aunt. Got it. But I'm taking credit for it.

[Joe]

Right?

[Frank]

Okay. Okay. And hear me out before you jump down my throat. Before you're all in my throat. Just fucking hear me out, okay?

[Joe]

No, I'm not doing that.

[Frank]

Come on.

[Joe]

Doritos. Vodka. Is it vodka?

[Ant]

Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't specifically say.

[Joe]

It doesn't even say what it is.

[Frank]

It says Doritos Ex Empirical batch one. So this is like, this is like a collector's item right now. So you already got me into.

[Joe]

Should be collecting dust.

[Frank]

Yeah. It doesn't say vodka. He's right. It just says base spirit.

[Joe]

I'll like take a little tiny sip.

[Frank]

And it says Doritos nacho cheese, chips, extract and then yellow dye number five.

[Joe]

Hold on. Set it on the table. Why is there that much missing?

[Ant]

Yeah.

[Joe]

How much have you drank?

[Frank]

Those are the picky boys.

[Ant]

A lot of it?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Is it like for punishments?

[Ant]

Yeah, for punishments.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

It's that bad?

[Ant]

It's not good.

[Frank]

It's not good at all. I mean, I. Hear me out. I. You know, I don't like vodka. I do like Doritos, though. Favorite Dorito right now. Three, two, one.

[Joe]

Cool Ranch.

[Frank]

Ooh. Okay. All right.

[Joe]

Or Sweet Chili.

[Frank]

I was gonna go with spicy, spicy, Spicy. Nacho bro. For those of you guys that don't know, the king of Doritos is Keith. Yeah, he's tried and, like, not even like, bro.

[Joe]

I'll pull up on Keith sometimes, and he has a bag of Doritos. And it's a color that I don't even know is a color.

[Frank]

Like a pink bag of Doritos. And we're like, what is it?

[Joe]

It's like a shade of green I've never seen before.

[Frank]

It's the cherry blossom flavor. It's exclusive to DC Only. And it's like how I walked there and got them. Yeah, Keith. Keith is, like, always been the Doritos king, so. I wonder what Keith has to say about this. Has Keith tried this yet, Ant?

[Ant]

No, I don't think so.

[Frank]

Okay, well, we're going.

[Joe]

How are we gonna go to try?

[Frank]

Oh.

[Joe]

Oh, no.

[Frank]

These are big. We're not. We're not. Because, you know, I'm not.

[Joe]

First of all, I'm not even.

[Frank]

I'm not. I'm not drinking right now. So we're gonna do a little. A little like a.

[Joe]

Like a mouse sip.

[Frank]

But we have to smell it.

[Ant]

Well, you gotta do a little bit more than a mouse.

[Frank]

What's a mouse?

[Joe]

A rat sip.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank]

A cat sip.

[Ant]

Oh, yeah, I'm fine with that.

[Frank]

No. Have you ever drank water or anything like a cat, Frank? So many times. Of course I've drank so many times. All right.

[Joe]

I try to drink like a dog sometimes. You ever watch a dog drink in slow motion?

[Frank]

I love how they cup their tongue back. They're like. Yeah.

[Joe]

And it's kind of dumb. Does it smell good?

[Frank]

No, it doesn't smell that bad at all.

[Joe]

All right, Support some.

[Frank]

I've smelled way worse than this. Alcohol wise.

[Joe]

The distinction. I've smelled things worse than this.

[Frank]

That's a lot.

[Joe]

I mean, I'm just gonna take a sip.

[Frank]

Okay. Thank you, mama. Wait. Oh, let me. I'm gonna give myself significantly less still somehow the same amount.

[Joe]

The hell does this smell like?

[Frank]

It doesn't smell that awful. So just so everyone is clear, Ant is on the other side of the camera covering his mouth because I think he knows what might happen.

[Ant]

I mean, you guys might like it.

[Joe]

I.

[Ant]

This is the worst thing I've ever.

[Joe]

Oh, you guys Might. They won't.

[Frank]

Hold on.

[Ant]

Okay.

[Frank]

Hold on. Don't be so sure. You never know. This is so weird.

[Joe]

When I'm far away, it doesn't smell bad. When I get close, I'm like, that's alcohol. But far away, I'm like, what is that?

[Frank]

I can't really smell it. Like, smells kind of like. I've never had a. I don't think you could say it like that. I think. I don't know what the hell that is. I guess I am getting a little Doritos in there.

[Joe]

I'm not getting any Doritos.

[Ant]

All right, well, probably pour a little more then.

[Frank]

No, no, no, no. Nice try.

[Joe]

Do you have any. What's the cool thing? Do we have a cool thing? Well, yeah, that one. But, like. Do you have, like, a different one where it's like.

[Frank]

Oh, we're the one where it's just like, we. Like, there's. There's wooden ships, there's steel ships. But the best kind of ship is friendship.

[Joe]

I. There was one I saw in love. Love is blind. And it was like, I'm not below you, I'm not above you, but I'm right here with you.

[Frank]

That's kind of cute, but, like, I hate the ones where, like, it's just, like, to women's titties and, like, underneath is where their vaginas are.

[Joe]

What's the one where it's like, him. Him?

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was someone that was a fraternity that I. Not my fraternity, but at a fraternity I knew someone was in. They were just like those forgotten for those that forgotten. Dig them up. And it was like, I'm rotten. Fucking rotten. Yeah. It's like, why? Something about, why are we drinking and promoting necrophilia?

[Joe]

Yeah. It's kind of insane. All right, we'll just say cheers.

[Ant]

I would say one at a time. Probably take it for just reaction.

[Frank]

Just reaction wise. Okay, I'll go first because this might. You might not take it. Okay, here we go. We're just gonna do it. We're just gonna do it. We got it. Yeah. Going to UN. 5.

[Joe]

5, 4, 3, 2. Do 1. Oh, he doesn't like it. I don't think he likes it. Why are you. What is it?

[Frank]

It's. Oh, God. Hold on.

[Joe]

You look like you're about to do a push up. How is it?

[Frank]

Oh, God. Hold on.

[Joe]

It's. Yeah, it's not. It's got a bad.

[Frank]

It's not like it doesn't taste bad. It's just bad. It's unlike Anything I've ever tasted. So my brain is immediately like, this is fucking poison.

[Joe]

It is.

[Frank]

It? But the vodka part makes it poison.

[Joe]

Yeah, the old Polish poison. But, like, I don't know.

[Frank]

Oh, wait a sec. Hold on.

[Joe]

Oh, is she coming up?

[Frank]

She had a say.

[Joe]

She's coming up from the basement.

[Frank]

She had a sec. She was down there playing video games. And she might come up for a couple chicken.

[Joe]

It's time for din. Come upstairs.

[Frank]

God.

[Ant]

You should just finish that right there, I think.

[Frank]

You think I should, right? It lingers and gets worse, I'll say that. Don't.

[Joe]

Don't pee.

[Frank]

It's not the worst thing I've ever tasted, but it's far from the middle list part I've ever tasted.

[Joe]

Middle list. Okay, let me give it a go. Oh, my God. That's disgusting, Frank.

[Frank]

That's bad. That's not good.

[Joe]

I see why the. Oh, my God, that's nasty.

[Frank]

I'm sorry. I'm not with you here.

[Joe]

It's okay.

[Frank]

I'm not.

[Ant]

I'll lock in for the people.

[Joe]

Yo, that's disgusting, man.

[Frank]

I'm seeing stars.

[Ant]

To me, it tastes like someone like you. When you threw up Doritos. Yep.

[Joe]

Did I just drink trope?

[Frank]

Did I drink Can I?

[Joe]

Could I. Am I hammered? Did I just drink throw up?

[Frank]

That's the closest thing to drink.

[Joe]

My mouth feels like I did throw.

[Frank]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Joe]

Thrown up in or I threw out? I threw out my throw up.

[Frank]

Threw out your throw up?

[Joe]

Yeah, that's what it feels like when you throw it.

[Frank]

Regurgitation is what you're looking for. That's the metaphor. Yeah. The gesture. Nope. One of those causes the other.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I'll let you figure out which. And just for shits and gigs, shout out to them. But what was your reaction to fucking doing that?

[Joe]

I know that you throw.

[Ant]

Gag. Gag real hard.

[Joe]

Do you gag or do you throw up?

[Ant]

I gag. Oh, I'm sorry.

[Frank]

How many gags equals a throw up? Yeah.

[Joe]

Do you often throw up?

[Frank]

Do you gag, Throw up? Or is it gag, gag, gag, gag, gag. I'm good.

[Ant]

Probably the fourth one. It'll start to be like, oh, no, I can't have one more gag.

[Frank]

So a fifth gag is when you.

[Ant]

It might be you, girl.

[Frank]

That's. That's. I can see. Four gags is a lot because you have prolonged gags, too.

[Ant]

Yes. I've stopped eating Doritos when I'm drinking because I've thrown them up once and it was the worst tasting thing ever. And then that brings it Right back.

[Joe]

So I don't.

[Frank]

That's how I feel about cheese doodles. I love cheese doodles. But as a four year old I threw them up and I just can't look at them the same.

[Joe]

Really?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Puffed or crunchy?

[Frank]

I like both. If you ask me what I am going to bring to the cookout, it's gonna be puffed.

[Joe]

Yeah, Puffed.

[Frank]

But like cheese doodle brand. Yeah. I'm not like puffed like other brands.

[Joe]

What about balls? You like balls?

[Frank]

No. The Utz balls suck.

[Joe]

You don't like cheese balls?

[Frank]

No. We keep talking about balls. My aunt's gonna start to gag.

[Joe]

I love cheese balls.

[Frank]

I. They're just like okay. Because I've never. 90% of those that I've had have been stale.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

So it's such a small fresh pack of balls. Fresh fresh pack of cheese balls is out of control.

[Joe]

Oh my God.

[Frank]

But also like good old fresh, crunchy. You know what I love doing with cheese doodles? You're going to love this because you're a freak with food. I love putting it on my tongue and then like I'm in like a video game level. You know those levels that's like you need to run through the things but it's like it's going to smush them. Or like go like that. That way.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

I just shove my tongue as far to the roof of my mouth and I crush that cheese doodle like it's my little. No.

[Joe]

So hard to follow what you said.

[Frank]

Why?

[Joe]

But you're talking about a crunchy one.

[Frank]

Yeah, no, I'm talking about a puff one.

[Joe]

Oh. And you go.

[Frank]

I go like. I like send it to its doom. I like just shove it on my tongue.

[Joe]

And it's doom is the top of.

[Frank]

Your mouth and the doom is the getting crunch in the top of my mouth.

[Joe]

Right.

[Frank]

And you remember those video game levels as kids where it was just like you need to run through. Amazing.

[Joe]

You get like smashed.

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Crash Bandicoot had a ton of those.

[Joe]

Sure. Super Mario Donkey Kong.

[Frank]

I don't remember many in Super Mario Donkey Kong either. The.

[Joe]

The rocks that come down.

[Frank]

Thwomp.

[Joe]

Very good.

[Frank]

I was not bad, right? First time I've ever even tried that. Give me one. One What A thwomp.

[Joe]

Do it.

[Frank]

Do it.

[Joe]

I don't know what it sounds like.

[Frank]

Oh, so you're just talking about something that you don't know about.

[Joe]

I know it. I don't know the sound.

[Frank]

I did it once. I don't want to fuck up. It Was actually on top, baby. Yeah.

[Joe]

Anyway, Pope died. Pope's dead, dude.

[Frank]

Speak of il papa with a little more respect, Joey.

[Joe]

Ding dong, the Pope is dead.

[Frank]

Don't do that.

[Joe]

Don't your eyes get out of bed.

[Frank]

Don't do that.

[Joe]

I don't know.

[Frank]

That's a song celebrating the death of the wicked witch.

[Joe]

That is true.

[Frank]

A lot of people. The Pope was a good Pope.

[Joe]

Apparently. He was a good guy.

[Frank]

This dude was cool with, like. He's like, yo, gay people. I'm cool with them, dude.

[Joe]

Yeah, he was, like, sick.

[Frank]

Not that that speaks to me specifically, but I like that. He is like a. A loving Pope.

[Joe]

A loving Pope.

[Frank]

Not like gatekeeping Catholicism or. Or God.

[Joe]

I don't want a Pope that's like, yo, just straights.

[Frank]

That's bro.

[Joe]

I get the out of here.

[Frank]

Not fun.

[Joe]

Yeah. Make the gay er than it is.

[Frank]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, dude.

[Joe]

Yeah, get a little gay.

[Frank]

I. I think, you know, speak. Speak more respectfully of Papa.

[Joe]

Oh, no. I was just making a little song.

[Frank]

I hear you. Is your mom okay?

[Joe]

My mom.

[Frank]

Your mom is all right.

[Joe]

She's not that Catholic. My grandma would be distraught.

[Frank]

Right. What did your grandma do when PJP went down?

[Joe]

It's a good question. When did he go?

[Frank]

2008 or something like that.

[Joe]

Oh, so that was like four years before she went. She probably didn't even know that was going on, honestly.

[Frank]

Really? She was that far gone?

[Joe]

I mean, her. Her eyes started going near the end, so I don't know if you.

[Frank]

What is the end, though? Is that the last year? 3, 4, 4, 5?

[Joe]

Well, that's the thing. I don't know.

[Frank]

I mean, PJP was. He was in, like. A lot of people believe he was the icon. And then after him, there was the Benedict. Benedict. I remember him because of the eggs. Hey there, travelers. Kaley Cuoco here. Sorry to interrupt your music, great artist, BT Dubs, but wouldn't you rather be there to hear it live? With Priceline, you can get out of your dreams and into your dream concert. They've got millions, millions of travel deals to get you to that festival, gig, rave, sound, bath, or sonic experience you've been dreaming of. Download the Priceline app today and you can save up to 60 off hotels and up to 50 off flights. So don't just dream about that trip. Book it with Priceline. Go to your happy price. Priceline.

[Joe]

Yeah. Or I always think of Benedict Arnold and I'm like, is this guy a traitor or is he a good pope? I Don't know.

[Frank]

I didn't.

[Joe]

We have a bad Pope, though. There was a Pope who was investigated. It was Benny.

[Frank]

I think it's Benny.

[Joe]

Benny.

[Frank]

I think Benny was in a little bit of hot water. Listen, man, I also think that there might have been some loose ties to, like, Nazis.

[Joe]

Whoa. What?

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

That I was not expecting.

[Frank]

Yeah, I think. I think there might have been. I don't want to speak ill of the fallen popes.

[Joe]

I mean, nothing's gonna happen to you.

[Frank]

That's crazy. Just sitting there and just putting a fucking flag in the ground of where he feels about the afterlife. I don't know. That's not what I remain. I'm in the middle. I'm agnostic. I'm not sure.

[Joe]

First of all, the Pope isn't God.

[Frank]

He's like his boy, dude. It's like his. Like, that's his consigliere. That's his. That's the hand to the God.

[Joe]

No, the Holy Spirit. What is the Holy Spirit? Do we have a.

[Frank]

You tell me. Judge. Confirmed. Correct. Confirmation.

[Joe]

I got confirmed. And to me, the Holy Spirit is just like a.

[Frank]

You know, I think it's more of, like, a feeling.

[Joe]

Spirit.

[Frank]

Yeah, like a. Like it's.

[Joe]

You know.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Listen, I got no problem with.

[Frank]

With. I don't know.

[Joe]

I was raised Catholic.

[Frank]

Yes, you were, quite.

[Joe]

And I'm not saying anything bad about the Pope passed away.

[Frank]

Did your mom sing the hymns, Frank.

[Joe]

I don't know the last time you went to church, but some of the hymns are bangers.

[Frank]

Really?

[Joe]

Oh, my God.

[Frank]

I just wish I.

[Joe]

Do you know the hymns?

[Ant]

Not really.

[Joe]

And he will raise you up on eagle's wings.

[Frank]

Eagle's wings.

[Joe]

And hold you in the palm of his hand. Is a banger, dude. Is a banger.

[Frank]

I was focusing way more on my snaps than what you were saying. It sounded pretty good, though.

[Joe]

Yeah, no, they got some shit over there. They know how to. They got melodies.

[Frank]

I will say putting eagle's wings in there was smart, because if they were just like, he will lift you up on, like, pigeons wings. I'd be like, you lost me.

[Joe]

Pigeons.

[Frank]

This is crazy. You lost me. But, like, going with eagles, you. You.

[Joe]

But, like, you go to a Greek church, maybe they say, like, Pegasus is wings or something.

[Frank]

Well, that's mythology. Yeah, but, like, the Greek churches, like, are not being like, oh, hail Zeus for when he struck down, you know, Kronos.

[Joe]

You gu. Read, like, books about Medusa.

[Frank]

And we guys don't do anything. I haven't been to church in God knows how long. I remember, bro. Greek Orthodox. From what I remember of it was just. It was shiny as hell.

[Joe]

Shiny?

[Frank]

Shiny?

[Joe]

What shiny? The. The.

[Frank]

Everything. Everything was shiny, bro. Gold everywhere, bro.

[Joe]

Fire.

[Frank]

But. And it was a lot. It was like shiny and then white, cuz it was just like marble everywhere.

[Joe]

Oh, that's nice.

[Frank]

Yeah, bro, the Greeks know how to church, yo.

[Joe]

Churches are beautiful, bro.

[Frank]

Mad nice. When we were in Dublin, I walked into a church over there. Just anytime I like somewhere and I see a cool church, I'm more inclined to be like, let me go in. But like, when I see one here, I'm just like, all right, it's a church. But like, ah, bro, you got.

[Joe]

Do you ever walk into St. Patrick's Cathedral?

[Frank]

Yeah, that is nuts, bro.

[Joe]

That the churches. The church knows how to build a building.

[Frank]

They know what they're doing. Nothing else.

[Joe]

They know how to build. They got architects.

[Frank]

Listen. They know what they're doing. Yeah. Did you go into. Did you go by Notre Dame? Notre Dame, of course. Was that cool?

[Joe]

It was cool.

[Frank]

Damn.

[Joe]

Very cool. It was open. I walked through it. They have a bunch of shit in the back. They have a bunch of dead people in there too. I think so. Tombs or something.

[Frank]

Catacombs. Oh, good word.

[Joe]

Branding makes it a catacomb. Is that just like. It's underground?

[Frank]

I don't know. Don't care. I will say this. I do think it's crazy that people like, you can like, bet on like, the new Pope. The new Pope. Like, is the new Pope gonna be a person of color? Is the new Pope.

[Joe]

They got a black pope up there.

[Frank]

Are they gonna.

[Joe]

We could be. We could have a black Pope. I didn't even know that that was like a thing that, like, I. You figure those, you know, an old traditional thing like that is a little racy.

[Frank]

Yeah. They don't strike me as a very welcoming group.

[Joe]

Black Pope. Have you ever had a black Pope?

[Frank]

I don't know. It's gonna have to do some digging on the Pope.

[Joe]

He's like, no way.

[Frank]

No.

[Joe]

I don't know if we've ever had. But have you.

[Frank]

Was your mom and grandma when he, like, came here? Were they like, we need to go see the Pope, Papa? No. I mean, not even pjp.

[Joe]

I didn't even know the Pope even came to New York. What was he doing here, Bro?

[Frank]

The Pop Mobile is like a. It's a famous vehicle.

[Joe]

I know that. I thought he just drove around the Vatican. I didn't know that he would, like, come to New York.

[Frank]

Was he going to Carbone Yeah.

[Joe]

Like, what's he doing here?

[Frank]

Well, he goes to churches and stuff. He'll go. He'll be like, yo, I'm doing a tour. I'm doing a one hour set at St. Patrick's come see me, you know, might be some special guests.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know, I might pull out Moses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's maybe what they should do with the next Pope. Like, they should promote it as, like, a comedy tour. You know what I'm saying? Just, like. And they'll call a thing like the Pope. Maybe I'm blessed on tour, 20, 25. You know, I like that. It's just like 80 cities worldwide, you know, tickets available. You know, just three prayers now that.

[Joe]

I think in order to get in, you got to.

[Frank]

Yeah. Show us your Hail Mary at the door and you get a VIP entrance.

[Joe]

There's no. Like, when you're going through security, it's Pearly gates.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

They get through.

[Frank]

The security isn't like patting anyone down. They're just going like, all right.

[Joe]

Great. They're only selling holy water. Yeah, we're still going.

[Frank]

We could keep going.

[Joe]

We're selling hosts.

[Frank]

We can keep going. Greg will be up there. He'll be the producer, and he'll, like, throw the Eucharist out at the end of the show. Yeah.

[Joe]

Have you ever had one of those?

[Frank]

Yeah. Did you see. I saw someone stole one when you.

[Joe]

Came to church for me.

[Frank]

Hell, yeah. I saw someone recently, like, made one that was like. They made it in, like, Mac and cheese, and they were just like, the crunchy Eucharist or something like that.

[Joe]

That's bananas. That's even maybe a little more blasphemous than I'm comfortable.

[Frank]

Really?

[Joe]

I don't know.

[Frank]

I'm not doing it. I'm just saying someone else did. Joe.

[Joe]

Someone else did do it, which is. Which is the issue.

[Frank]

So do you think if your grandmother were alive today, which just to cover the basics for those you guys that have missed it. She isn't. Do you think she'd be, like, what would her reaction be?

[Joe]

All right, you be my grandma.

[Frank]

I don't remember your mother's maiden name. And don't say it on the show just in case people, you know, start looking. Yeah, but like, Grandma Joey.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You're her. Okay.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Hey, Grandma. Did you call her Grandma? You call her Meemaw? You call her Bimbom?

[Joe]

Grandma Bim bomb.

[Frank]

I do. People. People get crazy.

[Joe]

Grandma.

[Frank]

We go, so, all right, so I'm. You go ahead. You're Grandma Joey. Go like hey, Grandma, how you doing?

[Joe]

Good.

[Frank]

How's everything going?

[Joe]

Good. I just walked 10 miles to the supermarket.

[Frank]

Okay. It's only down the block. Grandma, I got lost.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

Hey, Grandma, I have some bad news for you. Now, I need you to act here, Joey.

[Joe]

Okay?

[Frank]

We don't know who's watching. Spielberg might be watching. Pull together.

[Joe]

He is.

[Frank]

Pull it together.

[Joe]

Okay. I'm.

[Frank]

Grandma, Seriously, I'll be you. I'll. I'm gonna act straight to, like, straight, you know?

[Joe]

Dude.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joe]

Put on your best straight.

[Frank]

I'm gonna be my best, like.

[Joe]

Okay, I'll be my grandma.

[Frank]

All right.

[Joe]

Well, how old am I, Grandma?

[Frank]

What year was she born? Use that for context. What does she live through? Did she see World War II?

[Joe]

She's seen everything.

[Frank]

Did she see Korea?

[Joe]

She. I don't know. Honestly, not the place she was born in, like, 29, I want to say.

[Frank]

Oh, that's crazy. My grandmother was 26. It doesn't.

[Joe]

There's no relation there.

[Frank]

Okay, all right, so. So 19.

[Joe]

No, I'm saying, like, what age am I? Am I, like, near the end, Grandma, I'm near the end.

[Frank]

29. That means she was, what, 63 when you were born or something like that?

[Joe]

Frank. Whatever.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

So I'll be my grandma. Ready to go?

[Frank]

Okay, Grandma, I have some bad news for you. My mom's gonna be really mad at me. Oh.

[Joe]

I'm joking.

[Frank]

I'm joking. I'm joking.

[Joe]

I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. No, no, no.

[Frank]

My mom's gonna kill. She's gonna be so pissed off. Oh, my God.

[Joe]

It wasn't even like that. Like, my bad.

[Frank]

I'm sorry.

[Joe]

My bad, bro. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking.

[Frank]

I'm joking.

[Joe]

I'm joking.

[Frank]

Oh, my God. Oh, God Almighty. That was good.

[Joe]

No, no. Okay, be serious. Do it again.

[Frank]

You gotta ring me back in now. I know. Straighten me out. Come on.

[Joe]

Okay. What are we doing this for?

[Frank]

What am I doing? For us.

[Joe]

No, but, like, what am I, Spielberg? No, no. What is the situation? Why am I. I'm telling you.

[Frank]

The grand. That the Pope died. Oh.

[Joe]

She. She.

[Frank]

Oh, all right. Grandma?

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

I don't know how to say this. The Pope is gone.

[Joe]

Where'd he go?

[Frank]

Hopefully to heaven. He's died.

[Joe]

He's died. He's died. He's done.

[Frank]

You know how they say, it could be that could be the proper way? Because you know how they say, like, he is risen? That doesn't make sense to me, but it makes sense to Them so like, he, he has died. Oh, you said he is died. Well, he's is an abbreviation of he is true. I'm so sorry. I. I hate to break the news to you, but here's the thing.

[Joe]

I don't think my grandma really cared about the Pope like that.

[Frank]

She, like, what does she love more than God? Hey, Grandma, God died.

[Joe]

Oh, shit.

[Frank]

Oh, shit.

[Joe]

Listen, we have sponsors. Sorry, grandma. Oh, man, I'm in big trouble. Big, big, big, big, big fat trouble. About that.

[Frank]

You all won't see it. She won't see it. She won't see it.

[Joe]

We hope. Rocket Money. How you doing? The show is sponsored by Rocket Money. Rocket Money is an all in one personal finance app that is going to put money back in your pocket. How are they going to do that? They are going to to find and cancel unwanted subscriptions that you may or may not have signed up for in the past. Okay, We've all signed up for free trials. Or maybe you did. You, you signed up for this thing that's, you know, you pay for monthly, but you haven't even used it in the last four months. So, you know, maybe it's time to cancel it. Okay, so you go on to Rocket Money. You put in your information. They will tell you these things that are coming out of your account. You can cancel the things that you don't want or that you don't use anymore. Put that money back in your pocket. They also have a, a budgeting tool so you can stay within a budget, be more financially responsible, and they also have a tool that will help you lower your bills. You literally upload a photo of your bill. If they can help you lower it, they will. It's all about putting money back in your pocket and being more financially responsible. So go check it out. You know, they have over 5 million users and have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Amazing. So cancel your your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Basement Today. That is RocketMoney.com Basement Today, folks. And this podcast is also sponsored by BetterHelp, which is online therapy. If you want to talk to a therapist, you can do so with better help. It is a more affordable version of in person therapy. It's also customizable. You can go at your own, you know, leisure. If you want to go bi weekly or just once a month or something like that, you can do that. You can also do once a week, you know, whatever fits your schedule you can do. They make it easy to connect with a therapist. You could do that, do so in just 48 hours. But yeah, so, I mean, I think that everyone should be in therapy. I've been in therapy for a number of years now, and I think that it's very important.

[Frank]

It's very helpful.

[Joe]

Even if you don't have any, you know, huge trauma in your life or anything like that. It's just like going to the gym for your brain. So I think that everyone should be in it so you can jump into therapy. Go to betterhelp.com basemyard and you will get 10 off of your first month. So like I said, it's more affordable than in person therapy. And we're going to save you some money here. So go to betterhelp.com basemyard and you will get 10 off of that first month.

[Frank]

And while you're doing that, whatever journey you want to go on, why don't you let us come along with you? You. Patreon.com the Basement Yard. We tell you about it every single week. And we want to thank you guys for helping us get over 33,000, approaching maybe even by the time this comes out, 34,000 paid patrons thank you guys. That directly helps us. And we're trying to do what we can to continue to grow and give you guys more of what you like, which seems to be us. So thank you for that. So do yourself the favor and do us the favor. Go to patreon.com the base of the yard. Sign up for that first. Here you get these weekly episodes one week in advance and then that second tier. Well, guess what? Guess what? I'm gonna tell you like you never heard this before, but you have. You get exclusive episodes every single Friday that are a little nuts, and you get everything that has been backlogged. So every previous Patreon exclusive episode that's there, you will instantly unlock hundreds of hours. You can also give this as a gift if you know, you know, the mother in your life, celebrating Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, whatever. Patreon is a great gift to give because it's just if they like us, they might like that. Okay? So do yourself the favor. Go to patreon.com the basementyard. And if you could so kindly, when you're doing that, go on a desktop version or go on your browser and go to that website using that URL. If you use the Patreon app, Apple kind of has their way with us, so go check it out.

[Joe]

I mean, you guys save money by doing it through the browser.

[Frank]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[Joe]

Cool.

[Frank]

There you go, too. So patreon.com the basement yard. Thank you, folks. And we'll see you there.

[Joe]

And we'll see you there, folks.

[Frank]

So you're going to tell me your grandmother didn't, like, she had no reaction?

[Joe]

No, I don't think so. Well, we're. We're past that at this point. I need to talk about this. A local pizzeria. Where was this? Doesn't matter. Who cares? Make up a town.

[Frank]

Bim. Bim Bomb.

[Joe]

So a local pizzeria in Bim Bomb. There was someone who came in, and they ordered a Miller Light. Then the people at the. Okay, I tried to.

[Frank]

Great beer, by the way. Stand by it.

[Joe]

You love Miller Light.

[Frank]

Love Miller Light.

[Joe]

So this woman ordered a Miller Light, and then it came to the table, and it was a Bud Light, so. Right.

[Frank]

Oh, careful, careful. But where was this? Because the city might actually mean something now. Yeah, Huntsville, Alabama.

[Joe]

That's actually a progressive part of Alabama.

[Frank]

Oh, well, I love the people of Huntsville. I don't know.

[Joe]

I think. I think it's, like, up and coming. But. So there was like this. This story where they brought over a Miller Light, and then it. Or they ordered Mill Light. They got a Bud Light, and they didn't want to really bring it up, but then her friend was like, oh, you should say, like, you know, whatever. So they were just kind of like, oh, you know, this is the wrong beer. I actually ordered a Miller Light. So it was like that. Then when they got their bill, there was the pizza that they ordered, the beer, and then a $5 bitching fee.

[Frank]

Oh, shit.

[Joe]

Which is like. When I first heard the story, I'm like, yo, I'm on board with putting bitching fee on. On people's, like, orders. That's not.

[Frank]

I mean, got to be careful. That is. I mean, if you're giving that to a woman, there's. There's something there that is not really cool.

[Joe]

Giving what?

[Frank]

A bitching fee to a woman? It's kind of. It could be a little.

[Joe]

Unless they're bitching.

[Frank]

Derogatory. I mean, you could just be. How about asshole? I feel like asshole is pretty gender neutral.

[Joe]

I mean, if a dude could be a bitching fee.

[Frank]

I agree.

[Joe]

Anyone who's being an asshole in a restaurant, especially if you're being an asshole to the waiter and you're, like, disturbing other people's. You should get a fee.

[Frank]

Oh, I am. I just want to make this very clear. I am fully in agreement.

[Joe]

Yeah, that's not a bitching fee.

[Frank]

I mean. Yeah, no, what this person clearly did. It sounds like they were just like, listen, like, I'm sorry. You know, which honestly is the. As the, the person working there should just be like, you know what, my bad, like this is on me.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And then give or be like, yeah, okay. And then bring them another one that's on them, you know, on you, on the house or something. But like, I think if you make.

[Joe]

A mistake and someone brings up a mistake, I don't think that's bitching.

[Frank]

Yeah, I don't think it's bitching either. But I think that there are instances that do call for bitching that 110% require like. And a bigger fee than five bucks.

[Joe]

Yeah, I think if you're disturbing people, I'll be honest.

[Frank]

Disturbing the peace. Dtp.

[Joe]

What are you pointing at me?

[Frank]

You remember disturbing the piece.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Ludicrous is like group. Yeah. I think if something is bad enough, I will take a five dollar charge in order to raise hell. I think a bitching fee should be like, no, it's tiered 100% here. It needs to be like minimum though. Minimum, 10% of the bill. Because if you go, bro, if you do a $10 and I'm buying $400 worth of food at a restaurant.

[Joe]

Yeah, whatever, you got it.

[Frank]

But if I see that my bitching fee cost me 10% of the bill and that bitching fee should go to the individual that got fucking bitch. That bitch that.

[Joe]

Yeah, I really can't see unless the waiter was being, was like name calling and being like disrespectful in that way. I can't think of a reason why someone would stand up in a restaurant and be like. And like throw their napkin down and.

[Frank]

Be like, this is unacceptable.

[Joe]

Like, I can't think of a reason why that.

[Frank]

I used to love this establishment when establishment.

[Joe]

I come here all the time and spend money. I don't give a fuck, bro.

[Frank]

I saw one of those the other day in real life. Real life white privilege from a Karen.

[Joe]

I can't.

[Frank]

And I had to like, I had to like remove myself. We wanted to go take the kids to take pictures with the Easter Bunny and this woman. We were in the line for like the timed slots, you know, like the appointments and the other woman was in a line that. It's just like, you run the rit. Like, we'll get to you. But like, these are our priorities. And she's like, I've been coming here since he was a baby. I, this is not how things are done around here. And it's just like, in what world do you think that is going? If anything, personally, I am going to go out of my way to make it harder on you.

[Joe]

I just don't like that. I come here all the time and spend money.

[Frank]

I pay your salaries.

[Joe]

Oh, my. Frank.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Don't even get me pissed off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I pay your salary. Excuse me.

[Frank]

Yeah, I can understand it on like, a government level when it's like, you know, like elected officials.

[Joe]

Any sort of bitching, though. I, I like.

[Frank]

You don't like bitching? I don't. You would rather, like if someone, if you saw, like, spit in your food, you'd just be like, I'm gonna eat this.

[Joe]

I know, I know, know that's a little crazy. But, like, it would be very difficult for me. I, I, I don't think I have it in me to, like, stand up in a public place and, like, you know, whatever. If something's happening to me, I can see that happening. If someone's being disrespectful, like, if we were out and the waiter was being a dick to you or being a dick to another table or something, then I would be more inclined to be like, what the. But if someone's doing it to me, I'm just gonna either remove myself and say off. Or like, I'm not going to stand up and make a scene, bro.

[Frank]

Also, you need to acknowledge, if you're one of those people that bitches at people, like service people, and you're with a larger party, they're fucking collateral, dude. You're now, you're now ruining, you're potentially putting everyone at that table at risk. So, yeah, if I'm with you, hypothetically, you wouldn't do this. But hypothetically, if a situation like that happened where it's like me and you were out and you started bitching, I'd be like, yo, you're fucking now. And there's going to be spin my.

[Joe]

Food because you're, you're a bitcher by association now.

[Frank]

Exactly. Now we are bitching.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Now it's not like, bitching. They won't say, like, the guy at six, they'll say, table six is bitching. And I can't have that because then, then we're all done. We're all, we're all getting spit in our food, you know, or, or we're all, you know, paying for, bro. And that's another thing. If we're going out to an establishment. I know you don't do this now. Neither do I, but, like, people to.

[Joe]

Split the bill if there's a bitching fee.

[Frank]

If there's a bitching fee, I'm like, yo, you're paying.

[Joe]

You got to pay the fee.

[Frank]

I'm not paying your fucking $5.

[Joe]

You're the one who bitched, you bitch.

[Frank]

Bitch. Yeah, and I don't like that.

[Joe]

Me neither. I don't like that at all. What do you bitching thing.

[Frank]

What do you think is, like, the worst to your bitching? Because there's a level of, like, this person just won't pay this.

[Joe]

I'm even. Okay. In certain places in intimate restaurants, you being like, fellas, you being a little loud. Chill out.

[Frank]

Oh, just with, like, laughing down.

[Joe]

Not laughter. Like, just noise. Like, you're very loud, bro. Like, there's other people.

[Frank]

I mean, I think. Yeah, I could see that. Because if you're not that matching the vibe of where you are.

[Joe]

By the way, this is coming from a person who grew up in a family that is loud.

[Frank]

Very loud.

[Joe]

And I heard. Hated being at a restaurant with, like, my. My family and then our, like, uncles and aunts and stuff. And I'm like, I feel so bad for everyone in here.

[Frank]

Well, then you need to read the. If you're. If you have a loud family and you're going out to dinner, you need to be a good tipper. You can't do, like, oh, I'm just gonna, like, tip normal. If, like, whatever you're doing is putting the people on that staff in some form of pressure, you have to acknowledge that you need to be a better tipper.

[Joe]

Yeah. I mean, my family wasn't like, they're not assholes. They're just loud people.

[Frank]

Yeah. Just in pro.

[Joe]

Very nice to the staff. Like, tippers, like, whatever, but, like, not just not quiet, bro.

[Frank]

My mom. I love this woman to death. Going out in public with her to, like, a restaurant or a store or anything where there could be a minor inconvenience on her. It's bad, bro. For my Becca threw me a surprise party. Like, not a surprise party. It was, like, a surprise dinner for my 25th birthday with my family and my mom. We ordered a bunch of small plates. We were at Elm City Social in New Haven.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

We ordered a bunch of small plates. But, like, you know, the idea is, like, when you order small plates for everyone to share, like, unless no one else is getting a main, then bring it out all at the Same time. But if people are also getting mains, bring those out first. Yo, you would have thought that someone, like, smacked me in front of my mom the way she was. She was furious, bro. And, no, I need them to. And I'm like, mom, you have to. You have to stop.

[Joe]

You know what I don't like, too? When, like, there's something wrong with the food or whatever, and the waiter's right here, and you're telling me what's wrong with the food, and I'm standing right there.

[Frank]

Tell them, not.

[Joe]

Tell them. Wait till they leave and then say it to me. I don't want to be here. You talking to me. And then you're like, no, this is, like, ill, this. What is that? That looks. The guy's right here. Wait till he leaves.

[Frank]

Yeah, then say it. I. I am in full support of a bitching fee. I think it shouldn't be a dollar amount unless it's, like, you know, ordering one beer that makes up. That makes.

[Joe]

That's not a bitching fee.

[Frank]

No, she didn't deserve that.

[Joe]

No. And if there's something wrong with your food or you get the wrong beer or whatever the case is, and you're like, hey, I'm sorry. I actually ordered this thing. No, bitch.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

Your mistake.

[Frank]

Oopsie. But also, you need to acknowledge, like, is it worth it for you? You know what I mean?

[Joe]

Like, I will say this. You eat the food, and then you bitch.

[Frank]

Oh, no.

[Joe]

Now you're getting a bitching fee on top of that.

[Frank]

Now you don't get to eat the food.

[Joe]

Bitch.

[Frank]

And then, bitch. You're getting a double bitch fee, baby.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You'll be two bitches at the same time.

[Joe]

Right.

[Frank]

I'm just. I think in that situation clearly wasn't pitching. Mm. Personally, I will just drink the. The Bud Light. You know, sounds like this person had an issue with Bud Light.

[Joe]

Let's. Let's. And let's say it right now. Bud Light, Miller Lite. Same thing.

[Frank]

Pretty similar.

[Joe]

Come on.

[Frank]

I don't have the taste buds to go like, yeah, that's the original light beer. You know, every light beer is slightly.

[Joe]

Rest, slightly less or more tasting like rust.

[Frank]

It's a good way to think of it. You know, maybe we should like rusty water. We should do, like, a taste test of something to see, like. Because I don't think I can taste the difference between Coke and Pepsi.

[Joe]

I could definitely.

[Frank]

I mean, I, I. I'm just giving an example. I think I can, but I'm just saying waters. Yeah. Like, this is aquafina this is not a chance. And you know, I don't. Fiji. Yeah, you know, smart Water. I don't, I don't think I could.

[Joe]

No way. Beers maybe.

[Frank]

So are you on board with what I'm saying? Here's what I, here's what I propose to all restaurants, bars, whatever, people that serve food, basically, or drinks. If there is a bitching fee, it needs to be clearly tiered. It needs to be tier one, tier two, tier three.

[Joe]

And you get a warning.

[Frank]

And you get, of course, everyone gets one warning.

[Joe]

One warning.

[Frank]

One. I want to let you know you are approaching tier one, DEFCON one. Bitching fee.

[Joe]

You could, you could potentially be incurring a fee.

[Frank]

Yeah. And then it needs to be a percentage of the bill.

[Joe]

I agree.

[Ant]

I would need some sort of description as to why.

[Frank]

Okay.

[Joe]

I mean, the, the warning, like I warned you. And now you've entered the bitch zone.

[Ant]

Now you're right.

[Joe]

Like now there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry, but the, the, the charges will be charged.

[Frank]

Now you're in bitch zone level one.

[Joe]

Right. Keep it up and there's a bitch zone level.

[Frank]

And then you're in double territory.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And so help me, if you don't.

[Joe]

Want the three headed bitch.

[Frank]

If you get the Medusa bitch, then we're in trouble.

[Ant]

Cerberus.

[Frank]

What?

[Ant]

Cerberus.

[Frank]

Cerberus had three dog. Yeah, I was gonna, Honestly, originally it's a Greek dog. Originally I was gonna go Hydra. But Hydra, no, famously, you know the.

[Ant]

Saying, go ahead, cut one to grow back.

[Frank]

Cut off one head, two more shall take its place.

[Joe]

Wait, who's Serpa?

[Frank]

Would you say Cerberus?

[Joe]

Cerberus.

[Frank]

The three headed dog in Greek mythology. Also Fluffy from Sorcerer stuff.

[Joe]

Fluffy.

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe]

Shout out to Hagrid, by the way.

[Frank]

By the way, they're coming out with a show hype day one. Who's the, who's the Hagrid?

[Joe]

I forgot it was good.

[Frank]

Frost from Shot of the Dead.

[Ant]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Frank]

That's a great one, dude. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

[Joe]

Good one.

[Frank]

Yeah, I, I. People have been upset because Black Snape. Basically. Yeah. Because here, here, come, Here come the racists. AKA some of JK Rowling's most die hard fans.

[Joe]

They're not racist, they're transphobic.

[Frank]

Yeah. But there's some other stuff in there too.

[Joe]

You never know.

[Frank]

The Venn diagram of hate. Kinda.

[Joe]

Yeah. I think you're either on that team or you're off that thing.

[Frank]

Yeah. But yeah, I, I forget. I Don't want to butcher the actor's name that's playing Snape because it would be insensitive to them. But, like, I'm excited to see what.

[Joe]

They could do, bro. I'm hype for a Harry Potter show. Dude.

[Frank]

Dude. Harry Potter. And you know why? Let's think of it like this. All right, I'm gonna. Here's my. Hey, do you have that soapbox before that you were standing on before? Do you mind if I have it?

[Joe]

I think it's over by you.

[Frank]

All right, cool. If we want to go like, acting wise, you know, like, who's gonna act? I don't want to spoil anything about Snape for those of you guys that haven't seen or read the books. But like, this actor is going to bring some real world gravitas. This is someone that has had to probably endure some real world bullying and racism in their life. So, like, bringing that to the role, this Snape might fucking. No disrespect to Alan Rickman might be pretty.

[Joe]

Rest his soul.

[Frank]

Rest his soul. Do it, Alan Rickman, right now. Come on. That's not even a single line. Potter, Potter.

[Joe]

I know that you were asking me to do it because you wanted to do it, so I was just trying to get there for you.

[Frank]

Fame isn't everything.

[Joe]

You know, it's crazy. Through all those movies, not one of the students ever was like, come on, just fucking say the sentence. I'm watching the movie. And I'm like, talk faster. Just get to the.

[Frank]

Snape would not have lasted in like a Bronx high school because he'd be like, all right, everyone shut up. And someone would stand up, suck my dick.

[Joe]

Yeah, eat my dick. Eat a Frank Snape.

[Frank]

Someone would stand up and toss a textbook at Snape. Yeah.

[Joe]

100% fame isn't all right.

[Frank]

Yeah, talk faster. Oh, and chances are Malfoy would have been just absolutely had the shit kicked out of.

[Joe]

I don't mean to do this whole Harry Potter thing again, but, like, someone explained to me this shit, right? You go to school and I know you guys don't have the answers, but you go to a school, you open the textbook and like learning a spell, just how fucking hard can it be? It's a word. And this. Why are we making it seem like this is hard?

[Frank]

Well, I think that there's probably instructions and like, there's probably more magical, like the essence. Like you need to feel it. Like the way you stand and like your foot is off and like as. As much as like a swish and flick I mean, look at what Seamus did. He blew up his face.

[Joe]

That's what I mean.

[Frank]

How is that.

[Joe]

How is that happening? How bad do you have to be to blow up your fucking wand?

[Frank]

I think the same way that you have to, like, know, like, general mathematic arithmetic. Like, you can't just look at something and go, I know it all now. You need to be able to apply it.

[Joe]

It's one word.

[Frank]

You also need to remember hundreds of spells where they should be like, yo, can you get that for me? And you're just like, lumos, I don't remember. You know what I mean? Like, you need to be able to recall that information quickly.

[Joe]

Have you memorized polarization? How hard is that?

[Frank]

Have you ever. A lot of people. It's very difficult.

[Ant]

Have you ever tried to hit a target with a rented paintball gun compared to, like, a professional one?

[Frank]

That's a great point. Ants on point duty today, let me tell you.

[Ant]

So the wands are like the straw. Like the. That's pretty much how this.

[Frank]

But they all have. But they all have good ones?

[Ant]

No, not really.

[Frank]

No. They all have.

[Joe]

Probably has some dog one.

[Frank]

Well, when they, like, share wands and you know, when, like, Ron is, like, using so and so's one and like that. But like, they all have their own wands.

[Ant]

It's like a class system. Like, the, like, the richer kids have good wands, like, obviously the professors. But I think some kids have bad wands.

[Frank]

Well, some of them might have hand me down wands. But I think that, like, it's like part of the curriculum that, like, you need to get these books, you need to get these wands. So, like, here's like a voucher for Ollivanders where, like, buy the wand, bring us, give them the voucher, bring us the stamp, and we'll give you 95% of the money.

[Joe]

But didn't that dude say, like, the wand chooses you? So if you're just like a. Then like, you're going to get in there and get some whack wand. It's like, that's the one that's calling for you.

[Frank]

That's true. That's true.

[Ant]

It's a good point.

[Joe]

You'll never be a good wizard.

[Frank]

I really want to go to Harry Potter world. I know we talk a lot about Harry Potter on this show.

[Joe]

I love that shit. And I also wish it was real. I would love a wand and I would love to just like.

[Frank]

Well, the convenience of life would just be out of control. Although not being able to use magic until you were 17 or 18.

[Joe]

I'd be totally cool with not having a wand. Can't do any of that. But riding around on a broomstick would be something I would magic.

[Frank]

You can't do it unless you're 17 or 18.

[Joe]

Frank. I'm 33.

[Frank]

I'm saying like leading up to that point.

[Joe]

Oh yeah, whatever. But I would like to be on a broomstick or even better on a big dragon thing.

[Frank]

A hippogriff.

[Joe]

Let me tell you that thing.

[Frank]

Let me tell you. Get me a hippogriff. Me and Buckbeak. Like fucking this, son.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know what I'm saying? Close as hell.

[Joe]

Like fucking this, son. We do have more sponsors for today. Before we get back into the Harry Potter, we have prize picks. Okay. Prize picks is a lot of fun. It's the best place to turn your sports knowledge into cash. Okay. Has million millions of members. All you have to do is pick more or less than the prize picks projection. So you're not, you know, playing against other people. You're playing against these projections. So they'll say, Jalen Brunson, is he going to have more or less than. I think he's averaging like 35 right now. But if he's going to have more or less than like 28 or something like that in, in the playoffs and then it's like Josh Hart, is he going to have more or less than five rebounds or something like that? But yeah, so that's kind of what you do. You put a lineup together and you could win up to 2000 times your cash today, which is wild. Okay, so don't miss your last chance to add your favorite players from the court to your prize picks lineup. Whether it's points, rebounds, assists, take your pick of more or less for your shot to win up to 2000 times your cash today. Okay, but yeah, so they. Not only is it basketball, but they have every other sport that's going at the moment. So you know, you have hockey, the playoffs are here for that as well. When it's football season, you got football. So all the sports are on there. So you could try it out. But go down the app today and use the code basement to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup. Okay? So you put money in. You play a $5 lineup, they'll put $50 in your account when you use that code basement. Okay? So use that code basement. Get $50 instantly after you play your first hour for $5 lineup. Sorry, price picks run your game. And lastly here we have fitbod fitbod is great. Okay? Summer's right around the corner. You want to get, get right into shape. Fitbot is going to help you do so. It's going to create a personalized workout routine based on your needs, your wants, your experience, and your availability to equipment. So if you don't have the access to a gym then, or if you don't have any equipment in your house, you can do body weight stuff. If you have just dumbbells or something, you just put in, like what you have available to you, and they will create a workout routine for you and your goal. So it's customized to you and your goals, which is important because a lot of people just kind of go online, they find something, they follow that, and it's not always the best way to get in shape. So this is great. It tracks your muscle recovery so you can avoid burnout and keep your momentum. It's the most optimal way to get into shape, honestly, is when you're doing something custom for you and your goals. So one of the best things about it, in my opinion, they have over a thousand demonstration videos. So if you're new to fitness or, you know, a little bit, you'd like to learn more. A thousand demonstration videos could really go a long way in your education and on your fitness journey. So level up your workouts today. Join Fitbod. And yeah, you can get 25 off your subscription or try the app for free for seven days at fitbod. Me slash basement. That is F I T B O D me basement. All right, so I want to see those summer bodies, folks.

[Frank]

I mean, I don't know if that's the thing to say.

[Joe]

I don't know, whatever that means. A body in the summer is what it is.

[Frank]

A body in the summer. Well, and don't forget, folks, just be on the lookout. We are rapidly approaching dog sucking season.

[Joe]

Deceiving, we are.

[Frank]

We're getting close and.

[Joe]

Oh, stop.

[Frank]

Let's keep you prank. Frank got me pranked.

[Joe]

You got pranked. You've been franked.

[Frank]

Just keep you on your toes.

[Ant]

Yeah, he was loading that up for about four minutes.

[Frank]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All for that.

[Joe]

Did you say to him, you're like, that's exactly what he loves that you might like that part more than the prank, probably.

[Frank]

Honestly. Watch this, watch this. I even try to whisper to him, this season, I think last year we coined it. We agreed that the, the. This season, dog sucking season. The topic, excuse me, the theme is going to be this year the dog sucks you. So stay on the Lookout. We will have some more information coming.

[Joe]

Will we? I don't even.

[Frank]

We will, don't worry about it.

[Joe]

This year, the dogs.

[Frank]

This is you, this is season four of dog sucking season.

[Joe]

Uh huh.

[Frank]

You know, we've gone through some incredible iterations. You know, we, we are innovators of hot dog content on the Internet and I think we need to continue to maintain this, the suckage of the dogs. Not only the suckage of the dogs, but everything around the power behind the suckage of the dogs. Because, yeah, I think people know and respect us now as quality suckers of dogs.

[Joe]

Yeah, that's the thing.

[Frank]

I, I, So we, if we don't.

[Joe]

Get a hot dog sponsorship.

[Frank]

Yo, it is crazy. It is, it is.

[Joe]

I just want to drive the truck.

[Frank]

It doesn't even need to be that. It just needs to be like, bro. And all respect to him because I love the show and I love him. The guy that played Kevin in the Office, Brian Baumgartner. Forgive me if I'm butchering his name. He got a deal with Bush's Baked Beans for chili.

[Joe]

Dude, that makes sense.

[Frank]

He's the biggest mover of chili in the modern century.

[Joe]

He is the chili guy.

[Frank]

Are we not the biggest movers of hot dogs in modern century?

[Joe]

Are we? I don't know if we are, but I'd like to be.

[Frank]

And I'm not even saying in consumption wise, because I understand Joey Chestnut, he has, he has his record stuff, he's got, you know. Yeah.

[Joe]

Didn't they just kick him out though?

[Frank]

I think there's some stuff there, yeah. Oh, well, because I think like, something happened.

[Joe]

Well, he like, deal.

[Frank]

Well, Netflix was just like, yo, come, come suck the dogs with us. Yeah.

[Joe]

And Nathan's like, bro, if you're gonna suck with them, you can't suck with us.

[Frank]

Yeah. I'm just saying, I do think that we are, we're up there, we're up there, we're up there. Who else is peddling hot dogs like us? I would love to see, and this is a serious thing, since we've started discussing dog sucking season, I would love to see the hot dog sales numbers in the United States. Do me a favor and do me a favor. Try to find that. I just think that there is. Just look up dog sucking. No, don't do that. No, look up hot dog sales in the US by year.

[Ant]

I'm pretty sure you can cross reference dog sucking season and hot dog sales in this Google trends thing. Nevermind, give me a second.

[Frank]

Just, just do what you got to do. Dog sucking season. We know when we started talking about it. I just think it's time. Listen, I stand up for us, Joey. I'm very passionate about this.

[Joe]

I can see it in your face.

[Frank]

I think that we as people have done nothing but try to give back to the hot dog community. And it has given us so much.

[Joe]

Despite all of the bad press that it's gotten this year. Human DNA in the hot dogs not gon slow it down. Not going to slow it down. Not going to slow down.

[Frank]

It takes 25 minutes off your life. If I live in a world where hot dogs kill you, I'm ready to die tomorrow. You know what I'm saying? And they don't.

[Joe]

They might.

[Frank]

We don't. We don't know.

[Joe]

You don't know until you're gone. That's the thing.

[Frank]

Really.

[Joe]

I don't know.

[Frank]

I don't even know that either. I'm just saying, how could we?

[Joe]

Has there ever been an autopsy where they open you up and then they go, hot dog, hot dog, you know?

[Frank]

Oh, God.

[Joe]

Hot dog.

[Frank]

I mean, maybe if it was like choking or something.

[Joe]

Ah, but like joked on a hot dog, bro, this.

[Frank]

There's this fucking guy that has a ponytail that has. He's had a Big Mac every day for the last like 40 years or something like that.

[Joe]

And he's got a ponytail.

[Frank]

He's got a ponytail and he's been.

[Joe]

Eating cheeseburgers every day.

[Frank]

Every day.

[Joe]

What's this guy smell like?

[Frank]

Probably what you would expect. A guy that eats every day. A Big Mac.

[Joe]

Beef and piss.

[Frank]

Yeah. And probably stale hair.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Joe]

I actually do know.

[Frank]

I'm just saying what he has done for the Big Mac. I think you can make the argument we have done that for hot dogs.

[Joe]

With a little help from you guys. We're begging now at this point.

[Frank]

We, the people that watch this show and have supported us consistently, go out and buy hot dogs and send us pictures of hot dogs and tag us in hot dog related content.

[Joe]

It's actually, you know, hilarious that like, during the summer a lot of my DMS are pictures of hot dogs.

[Frank]

I love it. I don't see. I don't get those, but people tag me. I see the tags on Twitter or something.

[Joe]

Oh, yeah, that too.

[Frank]

I don't. I really don't see, like Instagram or TikTok, but, like, I just like them. What we have done for the culture of hot heroes, we are shaping a generation.

[Joe]

Your eyes look so sad.

[Frank]

To continue an American staple, let's Be honest, Joey. America is not in the best situation right now. A lot of turmoil, a lot of arguing, turbulence.

[Joe]

Are there tariffs on hot dogs? We don't know that. No, those are American made. I don't know that either.

[Frank]

But how can we as a country, right. Unite more and stronger if it is not through a hot dog? I am.

[Joe]

I think there's a lot of different ways, but I'm with you.

[Frank]

I think I just stumbled upon a new theme for this year of dog sucking season.

[Joe]

The first one being the dog sucks you.

[Frank]

Yeah.

[Joe]

And now the new one is now the new one.

[Frank]

I want to. I'm going to leave it to you and the people to see what they feel is more marketable.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Frank]

Speak with our marketing, our pr, our people. Dog second season, Season four Find love in a bun.

[Joe]

Why? I'm confused with.

[Frank]

But like fine, like reconnect with people over a hot dog. Bro, if you're telling me that fucking dick pills are having commercials where they're just like love, happiness, joy.

[Joe]

Are they?

[Frank]

I'm just saying. Just made that up. Why can't we do a super emotional commercial about fucking hot dogs, dude?

[Joe]

Probably because there's like press about there being people.

[Frank]

We're not sitting there and peddling that they're healthy by any stretch. And I'm not even saying just the unhealthy hot dogs, bro. Get a vegan hot dog in there. Yeah, get it, get it, get it. Get a. Like an uncured turkey hot dog. Chicken hot dog.

[Joe]

I was just gonna say just chicken hot dog count.

[Frank]

Yeah, why not?

[Joe]

Anything that, that shape in a bun.

[Frank]

Joey, we are, we are inclusive minded men. We want the world to be happy and everyone to feel included. That includes chicken hot dogs.

[Joe]

I agree. What can we make like a, like a, like a, like a, like a dessert dog? Like what can it be?

[Frank]

Hell yeah.

[Joe]

We like a brownie. And then you put scoops of ice cream on it. Am I okay?

[Frank]

Honestly, that sounds incredible. But I'm even go. Brownie might be a little too decadent. Yeah. You could just do a cookie.

[Joe]

That's a phenomenal idea.

[Frank]

And you could do ice cream like. Or like. Or. Shut up. You could do a cookie and you could do frozen yogurt on top as the ketchup.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And then you could do shaved chocolate.

[Joe]

Oh, in a bun.

[Frank]

Hear me out now. I might. I think I found another tagline for this year. Dog second season.

[Joe]

You're all about the taglines.

[Frank]

Dessert dogs bark for them.

[Joe]

That may be tougher to get through. HR Dessert dogs bark for them?

[Frank]

Yes.

[Joe]

Okay.

[Ant]

I mean, I will say that apparently I don't know how they get the stat. Social conversations about hot dogs have increased over 10% the past couple years.

[Frank]

What about sales? What about sales?

[Joe]

Fuck the sales, dude. 10%.

[Frank]

Well, no, we don't want to know. Because if they can show that correlation between these social conversations had led to lower sales, they might be a less inclined. Inclined to want to deal with us. True. And just Google hot dog sales by year in the US I don't know.

[Joe]

That that's an easy thing.

[Frank]

I'm sure you could find.

[Ant]

I'll help you. So the past four years was projected that the hot dog market. $20 billion.

[Frank]

Beautiful.

[Ant]

Now they're projecting that in the next few years it'll double to 40 billion. So it is going up.

[Joe]

Oh, hold on. All jokes aside. What the fuck?

[Ant]

I don't know. I don't know. Why.

[Joe]

Why the hell would it double, bro?

[Frank]

Anywhere you go, any, any event, any.

[Joe]

Show, any stadium, it's been that way.

[Frank]

Yeah, but now people are making longer dogs. They're not. They're not switching the amount of dogs they're selling their size.

[Joe]

That's true. It was a foot long one dog.

[Ant]

That's a good question. That's a good.

[Joe]

Oh, I know. That's just like it's my weight.

[Frank]

It's by weight.

[Ant]

By weight probably it's.

[Joe]

It's by dollar amount. That's probably why it's gonna do.

[Ant]

Oh, that's true too.

[Joe]

The tariffs, bro. I don't know if that's true, but like the prices of things go.

[Frank]

Fuck.

[Joe]

$40 billion is insane, dude.

[Ant]

Hot dog sales by your Gotcha.

[Frank]

Hot dog sales by year. Us, we don't need to know the world, but honestly, we do have a worldwide reach.

[Joe]

I mean, I don't think they eat a lot of hot dogs in Europe.

[Frank]

Maybe they should.

[Ant]

I do have to sign into a lot of these things.

[Joe]

It's fine.

[Frank]

We don't need. I mean, if you find it, great. I'm just making a pitch and I hope, I hope that you can respect me as your co host. Most importantly, your lifelong best friend.

[Joe]

What are you asking me to do?

[Frank]

Co sign with me, dig our feet in the sand and say we're not moving world.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

Hot dogs.

[Joe]

You're preaching to the choir. Like literally.

[Frank]

I know.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And I just want to make sure that we're in this together.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

A strong united hot dog front.

[Joe]

Yeah.

[Frank]

And we hold hands and that. But our arms are hot dogs. That's a great poster. Dessert dogs Bark for them.

[Joe]

Bark for them. I mean, where can you go from there? That was beautiful. Unbelievable. Don't start making up more taglines. I think that we should go out on top.

[Frank]

You sure?

[Joe]

Because I feel like you're. You were getting a little further from the point.

[Frank]

The point is, here comes the tagline.

[Joe]

I know you. I know. Once you looked off into the distance to the left, I was like, he's making more taglines. Is that what you're doing?

[Frank]

I'll quit while we're ahead. I. I will. I can't give them this for free. We are also respected businessmen, you and I. Oh, okay. And we need to be business savvy, synergistic, and understanding market fluctuations.

[Joe]

Okay. Beautiful. Frank, where can they find you?

[Frank]

Wherever you could find a hot dog, folks. Because I am, in essence, at every hot dog that you have, as is Joe. Every bite you take of that savory, delicious beef, pork, turkey, chicken, vegan goodness. You're taking a bite out of Joe and I. Every bite out of a dog is a bite out of the basement yard. Thank you, folks.

[Joe]

Joe, technically, that is. It could be true, because they did confirm that there's human DNA in hot dogs. That's besides the point. The business is booming, apparently. $40 billion. What a treat. Anyway, guys, you can go follow the show at the basement yard and go follow me at Joe Santigato. And that is all. See you guys next time.